Los Algodones, Yuma trip.

I had booked Monday off and forgotten till I sat at the computer to begin work. I think I’d arranged with the Rover .com dog sitter a couple of months ago.  Unfortunately when I was here and contacted her she was there to accept Madigan despite my arranging time and date.  I’d wanted a dog sitter so I could go to Mexico and leave him in the US.  She was such a. Flake.  When I came to her place on time nearly 10 when I’d said 9-10 she just texted me Ï’m not home,  She then tried to gaslight me while I was looking at the exchange of texts.  No I didn’t trust her with Madigan after that Maybe if she’d apologized and accepted countaility but no she trie to say I wasn’t clear,  Yet there was the Text. , I can drop him off this Friday and her saying yes and giving me her address.

I texted Laura and she told me the young mothers had this problem with baby sitters. I was miffed but decided to take Madigan to Mexico instead.  I won’t get to see the Yuma Museum or Yuma jail. In Mexico he was welcome and not a problems,  Outdoor cafes abound.  Stores and merchants welcomed him. What great dog days.  He’s saiid hello to several other little dogs,   America’s know to brig them. Two merchants have shared pictures of their dogs too.

I’m getting another pair of glassed.  

I also want to get prices for Laura if we choose to have the chipped too addressed.  Prices are excellent for cosmetic surgeery here.  The dentist own thee lane and do thee work safe day.  My Canadian is the best so if it was anything complicated I’d see him first. It’s like I’d get heart surgery in the US but if I needed an appendectomy I’d have it done here, It’s like wee say complicated delivers can be done well the city whereas complicated delivers should be done in th city. It’s hard to know who and prices. I would think it would be fun and healthy to come back for a week in spring. 

Other than the chronic pain I’ve really relaxed here.  I don’t know what it is about the stress of covid and aging I’ve felt Burt out but after a couple of weeks I’ve revived and look forward to returning.  Working 4 days a week has made it possible.  The loss of income is as expensive as the trip.

The trouble with transforming is that I feel less like transitioning when I’m less stressed.  I am principallly a cross dresser.  Robinson said I seemed to do it to relieve stress.  I feel scared and I like the anonymity.  I want another anonymous identity to hide in.  In that way I’m more an Irish Molly.  I don’t feel at all that god made and mistake ad I am happy as being a man when I’m writing and not being bullied and threatened.  I believe if Trudeau was gone I’d feel happier in my own skin.  

I had thought to lie by the pool in a bikini.  I rather like the old risqué behavior.  Lying by the pool would be fun with Laura but alone I’d rather be in in bikini..  Scares everyone away.  Alone I’d expect I might fall prey to a young woman.  It’s just too painful to think of.  Having sex has left me in pain for weeks.  I wonder what my life would be like without pain.  I plan to do taic chi again and I’m losing weight but I can’t even imagine upright sex again.  I’m not aging gracefully.   I miss dancing.   I fancied hunting again but only a few weeks ago I had no desire. 

I’m having coffee American in the Mediplaza . I’ve bought more purses and think may gift some 

I like Mexico.  I’m reminded of year I sailed down to the sea of Cortez from Vancouver Vancouver and stayed the winter in the Sea of Cortez  mostly around La Paz on th sailing vessel Giri. I felt I had more to do but now I’ve  a sense I’ve served my share.  I figure if I was here I’d eveentrually settle down to writing the books I’ve planned and started.  I am however more creative in the north.  

Being a part of the ex pat community its been easy to drift in the past. I drank too much wine smoked dope more then , a light weight compared to everyone else. I’d get drunk once a week but I always worked hard and played hard.  A binge drinker .  Low bottom.  Bernie called me that. Late onset.  How I surfed 3 divorcees and the ism, that I married three alcoholic women and liked best my friends who drank and smokier dope. I didn’t like coke or those who did.  There seems a culture around different drugs . I was a wino and a hippie pot smoker.  

Now it’s 25 years later and a spiritual journey .  I like cofffee nod chai.  I have no more desire for that whole world.  I like my dawn rising and connection to god too much.  The question I have is when I will indulge again in spiritual practice,  I miss religious studies ad long meditation . I certainly pray.

I haven’t. Made it to AA though I did get church twice. My resistance to /AA has been the dog and cross dressing though I’ve done the latttter many times/. I could even do it online, Maybe tonight,  I could can to find a dog friendly meeting.  

I leave Friday and I’m not fearing the trip home as my back is marginally improving.  

It’s been interesting au femme.  I remember Jenner saying she wasn’t particularly seeing a relationship but considered one.  It certainly makes one more womanly however I’ve had to recognize that I look at the love that women provide, sex and blow job for instance and am no longer thinking of sex as negative. I think I carried a lot of homophobi an the sense of ‘women’s work’.  Receptivity as inferior. I’ve no appreciation of ‘porn trained ‘men.  That who sandm scene doesn’t appeal.  I don’t like the attraction of homosexual sex but do like the mirroring and transexuality and bisexuality. I like the old rabbi saying, A man without a woman is not a man’. But women have been so destructive and deceitful in my life.  Meanwhile they’ve also been the best so I’m confused 

I’m tired of aggressive and bullying people of either agenda. The whole woke female agenda.  I can’t believe that government services acccepted that 

Women don’t like about sex

.These absurdities and bullying were fascists and yet no one seemed concerned. Me first. . Narcissism.  I’m tired.  I following Origen.  Chemical castration rather than permanent surgical.  

I ask God where I ‘m going,  I like being elegantly dressed but I’d just as soon be in slacks or shorts or sarong.  I always tjpigjt the gay drag queen was a celebration of the 30’s women mockery and imitation.  The Trudeau boys of Canada are girls and manliness is not tolerated in Canada except in the ethni population.  I felt fear when the Scot in kilts with ski in doo in his sock was arrested and charged with a weapon well other ethnic sots could openly carry knives. Trudea is all divide an conquer like all the communist leaders.