Monday morning, new week

I have a difficult case I’ll talk to Gary with first thing this morning.  It disrupted my sleep and was on my mind throughout the weekend. I was told by a woman I knew who had a business with multiple staff that if someone caused her to lose her peace of mind over the weekend she’d fire the person or close the contract.  Her peace of mind was that important to her.

I know this is a case of my people pleasing, caring for others more than I care for myself despite Jesus saying love your neighbour as yourself. I know I’m a mark for psychophats and sociopaths and must establish boundaries or do something to protect myself so the problem doesn’t continue.

I have the self pity reflex too. I don’t believe anything I do will protect me from the institutions that support the criminals. My experience with the beuorcrats repeatedly is that they have supported the psychopaths and sacrificed me despite my doing the ‘next right thing’.  

I’ve an unresolved issue with authority. I don’t trust God to be loving but rather consider God a ‘trickster’, a coyote.  I am forever challenged and fear if I let down my guard I’ll be brutalized and humiliated. I am trying to keep low. My issue with gender is that as a woman I don’t think I’d pos a threat. I obviously posed a threat as a whistle blower and as a truth teller. I’m a threat now because I continue to point out the lies and hypocrisy of authority.

But what is there for me to do if I don’t. 

I am too old for this shit.

It’s time for the next generation to speak truth to evil. And the evil I see is communist China, the religion of aetheists.  I don’t like the Palestinians and jihadists either. I’m pro LGBT and don’t think people who are anti bikini’s have made it to this century.  I also think that sexuality is a private matter and that a secular society has red light districts and room for every religious persuasion. Yet the fundamental rule is ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ .  Also ‘live and let live’. Tolerance and respect for one another.  Your customs and habits may not be mine but I can accept them out of sight out of mind. I don’t like prosyletizing and I really don’t like these mobs of people marching in the street. 

I think our democratic institutions and legal systems of justice can’t deal with tribal cultures.  Block voting and lack of ID are at issue

I’m thankful today for the flowers.  I am thankful for the trees and grass. I’m thankful for the morning quiet I experience walking my dog. Thank you for Madigan.  Help make my home whole so I can be mobile Lord. Thank you for my family and friends and work. Help those people I know.  Help me address my anger and fear. Help me be forgiving.  Guide me in all my endeavour. Let me know thy will and give me the power to carry it out.  

Thank you Jesus

St. Barnabus Anglican Church, Dog Park and Rainy Sunday

I’m enjoying our new minister, Rev. Matthew Nichiporuk. His sermons are biblical and spiritual and thought provoking.  He was born in Prince George.  Rev.Emily, Patty and Fritz have moved on. We’ll miss them.  Madigan so enjoyed seeing Fritz each week but he still begins to get excited when we are blocks from the church. Such good fellowship. I loved seeing our Deacons Martha and Neil.   I’d parked precariously so left early to protect my jeep.  

I drove Madigan to the little dog off leash dog park. No friends were there but he made his rounds sniffing and pooping.  

Now I’m home.  No clear idea of what I am to do.  I put out sausage to unfreeze to barbecue tonight.  I’ve made coffee and had some dates.  I’ve texted with Laura who is home from her sisters and gettting her nails done today.  

There’s so much I could do.  I am always praying for God to show me what he wants me to do today.  I imagine I could write a book from first principles.  I brought my guitar home from the storage locker tomorrow and enjoy learning some Christian songs.  There’s the swimming pool. I’ve a bicycle too and could ride the short distance to Costco to get more honey. I could go to the mall and get a pedicure. 

I’ve been thinking about going to Apple and trading in my iPhone for the new one.  I have Apple care for the IPad and may get a new one of that this fall.  There’s no new iPod pro. The iPad Air is the 2026 advance but my 2025 iPad Pro is sufficient.  The iPhone 18 pro max is coming out early sept. I’ll get that . It’s business but no sense going today.

I’m hoping Traveland will get and install my lift jack motor. With that I will be mobile again. I have hoped to be able to to go bow hunting in Merritt and catch some of the rodeo.  

First world problems. I’m thinking I’ll lie down and read. Maybe nap. I sometimes am inspired after a nap 

God is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipotential.  God is now.  God is love….I hope. God is Creator.  I am imagining in the imagination of God.  I pray to know God’s will and have the power to carry that out. I pray to be protected from trial and evil. I pray to be kind. I am grateful for 

I think a soft gun case and a soft guitar case might make stowing easier. I have so thinking to do about that.  Since having hearing aids I’ve been less likely to play guitar. I’m hoping I’m getting past that.  The hard gun case is great for stowing in the storage locker and for transporting in the past in the truck  Now I can manage it more safely and I can change out the 223 case . I have to take the scope off that too.  

I have a medical legal letter to write this week. I have another go with getting the 223 rifle bought I did everything right and then they didn’’t email me and now they say it’s incomplete.  Beurocracy wastes so much time and energy. I’m always doing beurocracy today and not being able to focus on my work or my own idea of recreation.  The black humor joke at work is: the patient can die so long as the chart lives.  It’s certainly the government priority

I have a patient who double doctoring and double pharmacy and buying large supplies of medications more than an addict might so apparently is diverting. That’s the pharmacists concerns. I have been thinking of them since they commonly have their self centred ‘crisis’ on the weekend or in the evening.  I have to phone Gary at the clinic or the CMPA doctor to either continue or discharge . I don’t like being abused. All these years of educations and service and medicine and I feel I’m just meat. That was the old idea that all a cannibals sees is meat whether it’s Einstein, Jesus, Elvis or Mozart.  I’m just at the end of my career enjoying being of service  and paying off my motorhome.  I’m not ready to retire but could.  Except for these predators my life is good. It’s like horseflies at the beach.  

I could bicycle today.  I regret when I don’t do anything on a weekend. But really I’m okay.  Reading and snapping is good.  There’s a stead stream of things to do and I get them done. I’m continuing to progress.  I keep trying to sign up for the UBC medical conference but I can’t pay. I expect it’s the address issues that occurs with some online conference portals.  I then have to phone them and I’m booked on line phoning and seeing patients virtual all week.  Maybe the cleaning ladies will come this week. It’s always so pleasant after they’ve gone and done the deep cleaning.  It’s just every 2-4 weeks but I feel cared for. I’ve spent my life caring for others and really do these days appreciate any care I’m given.  I loved when Nicoletta brought me chicken soup the time I was dying of Covid. Then Anna knitted me a scarf. Laura brings treats for Madigan.  He cuddles at night back to back.  Love is good. Life is good. 

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God of Gods. Thank you Adonaie. Thank you God most high. Thank you Yahvew. Thank you Holy Spirit.  Thank you Messiah.  

  

Summer in the city, Burnaby

I woke up late but made it to my meeting.  I made coffee.  Shared gratitude. 

Right after I walked Madigan on the longer Brunette Lake . There was threat of rain but only a few drops. Again there are kayakers on the lake. 

I had granola and milk and a banana after that. 

I lay down on the couch and looked at FB.  The Liberal PM who mentored Trudeau continues to move us away from the US and closer to communist China. As a banker he’s trying to create a new global currency tied to carbon. He gave away Canada’s gold assets when he was bank governor here. They seem to be selling off Canada cheap . The Chinese got the Gold mine.  Brookfields is tied to assets being given to foreign affairs.  It all reads of corruption. Liberals since Pierre have been all about cronyism. At least Chretien’s cronies were in Quebec.  Now it’s UAE and old European billionaires.  King Charles now has his fingers in the pie and it all ties to the scientifically debauched climate change hysteria.  

I don’t like it. I don’t like the loss of freedom of speech, the rising cost of living.  The cost of groceries are three times what they were. I live pay cheque to pay cheque paying the loans for car and motorhome.

But I live well. It’s a good life. Government hours and weekends. I like having Friday off for errands.

Today I drove to the Storage Locker. I wanted to check if I could still use my Excalibur cross bow. If Icouldn’t I’d give it away as hunting season opens in weeks. Last year it caused painful back strain trying to notch an arrow.  This year it was fine. So I’m keeping it. Now I’m hoping that my jack pump for the Thor can be fixed this week and I can go north for the first week of Sept and bow hunt. I’d like to go to Merritt and take in the rodeo in the evening too.  Alternatively I could try out the RV park at Rivers Edge in Princeton where Laura and I may go the first week of October when we normally go to Clinton.  

I also brought home my Martin full sized guitar and my 30:06 rifle.  I’m planning on shooting grouse with the 22 and so I only need the rifle for deer. I’m good for hunting season. Normally I’d have a 20 guage but I’m trying to minimize. I want to target practice more. I’m a little slack brained and the effort will improve my presence.  

I’m very thankful.  

On way back stopped at the off leash dog park and Madigan played with Corgees and poodles. 

Today I had salmon fish cake and Choices salad for lunch. After I returned to reading a Fairfax western novel of Nate , gunman and trailbox.  I fell asleep on the couch. Madigan’s offensive barking woke me and he wanted me to throw the toy for him. I got up and walked him around the park. He pooped.  I feel better. Now I”m going to lie down and read some more.

I don’t do much in the evening. Mostly watch detective series. I’ve been watching Seal Team and Strange New Worlds too.  Evening tv and snacking.  Bed at 1030 or 11.  Tomorrow church.  Not a great deal of demand though I’m pretty burnt out at work and looking forward to some time in he woods praying and walking and being away from homes and cellphones.

I’m due to go to Apple and look at renewing my cell phone and ipad.  Maybe tomorrow. Lots of young kids in the park with little people bicycles.  I watch them go by on my big screen window.  I’m looking forward to being on the road.  Thank you Jesus.

Pleasant Friday, Burnaby,

I had a pleasant day. It was a good night.  Dreams of home.  Madigan cuddling up to my back through the night. Prayers in the morning. Meditation.  I actually exercised and stretched then walked Madigan twice around the park.  I think he pooped eventually.  Prayed , our father, serenity prayer. Dessert father prayer,  not for Madigan to poop. Just praying as I walked. Then gratitude.

Then I swam. 10 length. Sat in hot tub. Prayed and gave thanks.

Back at the Thor I had granola.  I’m reading a Louis L’Amour western.  Began the legal letter i have to complete this week. 

Pushed myself to keep going.  Had a plan to get a check from the office and deposit it.  

Wanted to load my truck. Had the idea that I’d drive over to Stanley Park and bike the sea wall.  At the clinic I realized I’d left my bike helmet.  Worry when I’m downtown about thieves.  It’s seems the city to me is a place of theft and crime.  

Bought another key and lock and had one copied for trailer.. Stopped at Bosley and bought Madigan Go chicken. He came with me into the clinic too and then into the locksmith and now he was in his dog food store. Good day for a dog.

I drove past my turnoff to Surrey International Shootting Supplies.  I enjoyed talked with the salesman. I knew his name once. He’s retired. Was a paramedic for years, has kids in Marines and in US and in Canada. Good guy. I bought ta PPQ air pistol. 400fs semi auto pellet gun. I’ve had this anxiety about snakes in Arizona walking Madigan. Now I have a deterrrent.  Progress.  Only $200.

Back to Burnaby I drove to my bank.  Deposited cheque and ordered new cheques for me.  Found out I’d confused Nova Scotia Cheques with TD cheques so go that sorted out. 

I stopped at the post office and picked up the Amazon buy’s , some wholesome Caesar, Myrr, my two new desk clocks.  I realized I’m running late because I don’t have visible time. Working into my noon hours and late in the day. Short changing myself.  

At he off leash dog park Madigan met a 10 yo husky .  Blue eyes. Nice visit.  Bettter than meeting the bear a couple of days ago.

Patient who had been abusing zopiclone phoning and I dealt with it twice.  Concern she’s diverting. Don’t like the deceit and manipulation.

I’m progressing.

Back at the Thor I unloaded bike again. I’m getting better at it.When the bike is on the rack the back up camera isn’t as good so I plan to take the bike off except travelling. I’ll also take the rack off when I’m settled. I used the Keyes for the rack attack for the first time. 

I’ve been looking at IPhone and IPad adds figuring that’s the next upgrade. I enjoy trips to Apple Store.

Right now I’m thankful for every thing and the day.  I’m pleased with the Walther PPQ air gun and the clocks.  It’s been a full day of errands with a couple of patients.  I spoke with Patrick Meyers and am glad he’ll get involved with the couple I’m referring.  

People ask me about retiring and I’m still enjoying work and getting these routine’s down. I’m outfitted finally the way I am happy. The Thor is a home. I have the hitch and love the Jeep. The Trek e-bike is terrific.  

Bow hunting season opens in a week. I had problems drawing my cross bow with my back. I may check that out this weekend to see if it’s doable.  If not , I may skip bow hunt and wait for Laura and I to go out on our 2 week hunt. I’ve been thinking too that I’d just as soon go to Princeton which Laura likes avoiding the long drive to Clinton. I’m waiting till the jack motor is replaced.Hopefully next week.  I was hoping to head up to Merritt so I could have a week there , go bow hunting but mostly I thought I’d enjoy the rodeo. I’d keep working just have a different scenery at lunch and evening.  I’d wanted to go to a lake and swim but frankly I’ve been really enjoying being here.  

Laura is housing sitting for her sister taking care of the cat while they’re on holiday with Molly the dog.

Madigan is a great companion.  Victor is continuing to try to sell the Vespa.  My camper is back at Henry’s and I plan to go out there to clean it out for winter and sale.  I’m so glad I’ve paid off the repairs for the camper.  It’s been a whole spring of vehicles and outfitting and repairs. I’m looking forward to heading south for winter but again I’m enjoying life..  Meeting in the morning and church on Sunday.  Enjoying Burnaby men’s more with two cakes last week. Thank God I’m sober. 

Thank you Jesus 

St. Barnabus Anglican Church and Burnaby Lake Walk, Sunday

I enjoyed St. Barnabus Anglican Church service this morning.  I always do feel better when I go to church.  We welcomed our new minister Matthew Nichiporuk.  I loved his sermon . It wasn’t social work or political science but spirituality and theology.  He clarified the meaning of matters of the heart and matters of convention.  I found myself feeling I was back at Regent College. St. Mark’s or VST, all these places of higher learning I’d studied at.  It was far better than the Pope on social media and I found myself asking myself if I was being true to Jesus Christ.  I like when church encourages self reflection.  What sort of person am I? What sort of Christian?  Of course I love seeing Martha who really is like the Martha of the Bible but not only steadfast and working but with her heart in the right place too.  I’m enjoying seeing Bruce taking more of a leadership role.  Of course I love Neil too and Shannon. It’s taken me so long to remember names . I consciously avoided names , part of my work but now like the individuality and the ‘naming of people’ again.

Last week I arrived a half hour late thinking of church time at 10:30 the traditional Anglican arrangement but St. Barnabus is 10 because the United Church follows our service at 11. This week I left my iPhone plugged in beside the bed and with it my identification and cards.  Despite the discussion of faith I was glad to go home and find my phone. Materialism and where is my ‘God’. Madigan was with me and a delight enjoying Rev. Mathew’s voice and sleeping through the sermon.  He gets an excited a block from church looking forward to his visit there and no doubt remembering Fritz. 

Back home I barbecued Choices burghers and really enjoyed them.  Then I returned to reading a Fairfax western and napping on the couch.  An hour or so later I got up and quite surprisingly did the Brunette Lake walk.  It’s an hour and twice as long as the Brunette River walk which I do more frequently.  I pray as I walk.  It’s tiring.  I am often blessed with lots of birds. When Laura has been with me I’ve been able to leave Madigan with her and walk further to the pier where the ducks and geese congregate.  

Today I was pleased to see a Heron in the river by Cariboo road.  I also liked learning that the red berry brush is Rowan, or aspen.  It’s not good for Humana’s unless cooked by birds like it.  I had another nap when I returned my body feeling the walk for sure.  I am thankful for the exercise and capacity giving it has taken a lot of work to regain mobility after my last injury.  

Thank you Jesus.

Burnaby, Thor, Saturday,

I’m enjoying the day, giving thanks to God.  I woke after a fine sleep. I love my bed and mattress. I’ve been loving my Thor Hurricane motor home now that it’s back from Dam’s Ford having oil and filter change and new battery and dew for new Compression and HVACs system when parts arrived. I liked driving out to Langley and back without a hitch.  There was a lot of construction and traffic in the city.  

Back and BCRV I was able to back in myself and was set up again in a half hour to an hour at most. I love the learning and skill

This morning I woke and proceeded to prayer and excised.  Then it was the morning MD2 meeting . I enjoy this and the people I see each week.  Great start to ta day.  

After that I loaded Madigan into his box on he back of the Trek Verbe bike. I rode to the mall slowly but surely adapting to the need to shift gears and adjust the power assistance one the Bosch Device.  I have to be careful with my knee that I tore the ligaments on years ago when George C.was still alive.  I’ve been blessed to know so many great people in recovery.  

On the way back from picking up the mail I stopped at Madigan ‘s favourite off leash dog park. He sniffed and peed everywhere and visited with a few dogs. 

I’m reading the western by Fairfax. Law of the Gun. I sit and read while he explores. 

We rode back.

I had Montreal smoked beef sandwich.  Then Kevin called and their church. St. Augustine and St. Helen Greek Orthodox are have their Greek food festival.  It’s outside so I’m going for an early supper around four.  Anna is volunteering with the older kids.  I like that I can bring Madigan since it’s outside.

I haven’t been getting my nails done this month and have been thinking about my guitar.  The little ones and electric are fine but I don’t use them much whereas I have a desire to play and sing and learn more Christians songs.  Having hearing loss has reduced my interest.  I’m not dancing anymore and would if I played music more. 

My desire is to take my home to a lake and spend a couple of weeks swimming. Harrison’s would be good too.  I could just drive the jeep to the ocean or to a lake. I could go swimming in the pool here more too.

Mostly I’m enjoying lying on the couch reading westerns or the British aempire and war books.  I like historical fiction. 

I received a tax request from CRA and sent it on to Anil hoping that my monthly installments are sufficient.  It’s so unsettling to have such poor management in Ottalwa and such high taxes and high costs.  It’s $400 to fill my bus now.  The cost of food went from a $200 a week bill to $400.  I just seem to be slogging away and see not future but work. I like what I’m doing but the sense that it’s ‘driven’ by the poor economy and the destruction of middle class and savings is disturbing.  

I am following the law of attraction and catching my own negativity and trying to block it’ I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for .  Gratitude is the answer.

Thank you Jesus for today and all the joy i know and feel. Thank you for Madigan, for Thor, Jeep and Trek.  Thanks for friends and family.  

Dam’s Ford with Thor Hurricane

So pleaded to be at Dam’s Ford with the Thor Hurricane. I’m getting the annual maintenance with new chassis battery and compression pump fixed.  There’s a HVAC valve needed but they’re measure that and order it.  I’d originallly booked this apt last month only to have the slide not work on the first Friday , then the jack pump didn’t work . Traveland Mobile unit came to rescue for both then last Friday the Ford tech was off.  So it’s a delight to be here waiting while repairs are done.  

Madigan and I went to the terrific Corner Cafe for breakfast.  Perfect traditional breakfast with eggs and sausages and hash browns.  

Now I’m in Ford lounge.

Met a wonderful couple who have dogs and petted Madigan for an hour together.

We had a wonderful conversation about vehicles and trips and dogs until the man asked if I wasn’t afraid to take my Thor down to the states.  CBC and the Liberals have bee saying the Americans don’t like us

Meanwhile Carneys only invests in the US, his wife and children live there and his children go to the US Colleges.

I took the bait and explained that I was anti communist, loved the US and loved the Americans and didn’t like the Canadian propaganda against them 

So there I was engaged in ‘debate’ opinion and I could have just said all the praise without criticism of Canadian propaganda and lies.  Then I said there was such spread,  In Canada the news is we all hate the staters where as I know Polish and Venezuelans who love the Americans and that upsets me because I was quoting hearsay infor when I really want to talk from first person. This is what I know.  In retrospect I should just shut up and don’t feel the need to be the ‘sherif’ for the ‘truth’.  Just opinions 

Meanwhile Madigan is now the sheriff of the room and has backed at the two latest people coming into the lounge.

99% of patients were great this week and I’m still thinking back to the patient who was clearly trying to make a case against me so she could get out of working as the insurance folk have said she’ll be cut off if she doesn’t return to work and she’s okay. In fact she reminds me of those people I saw in past who were off work but had other jobs on the side and thought themselves clever rather than accepting themselves as sociopathic. I just don’t like rubber stamping bullshit while at the same time I’m commonly defending patients and the ‘underdog’. 

Maybe now that I’m old and relatively poor compared to all those who worked government or had big pensions or just thought about money . I don’t like the character defect of ‘envy’

I’m facing all my characters defects -  Sloth and gluttony _ I don’t exercise enough. .  Lust - I look but sloth and gluttony interfere with my actually bothering anyone.  I rarely masturbate or have sex any more either.  Then there’s anger and I have to resist the fear and anger.  I tend towards resentments and caught myself thinking about a resentment from 30 -40 years ago aned the person is dead now. Then there’s pride of course and I may not be much but I’m all I think about so that’s been the drop the rock story.  Back to ‘getter you head in teh same room as your ass’.  

I don’t have social interactions much without regretting something I said.  I’m an outsider.  I need to improve the skill of chit chat.  Superficial and pleasant. Be kind bill.

I think that’s what I like about girls as they are more likely to converse as massage versus men’s tendency to spar.  I would rather spend time with the dog.

They’ve got the Thor almost fixed and I’ve asked them to replace both batteries because they seemed okay and yet the voltage wasn’t charging the same and I really like good batteries especially after sailing back from Hawaii with Tom not getting new batteries but delighting in saving and trying to keep the old one working.  Now I’ll have new batteries.

The A/C part they need will be here next week so I can come back and have it done then or in Sept.  I’m just delighted that I’ll be done her in the hour.  We’re becoming tired. Madigan is napping. I’ll go back to reading the Sherpur.  Love Dam’s for their big truck and bus repairs and it really is a nice lounge.  

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