Monday, May 16, 2022

Gratitude Monday

Thank you Lord for the coffee. Thank you lord for breasts and nipples, vaginas, cocks and all the naughty bits and taboos. Thank you for the spice in life, the mystery and suspence and thrills. Thank you for the dark and light. Thank you for the eclipse. Thanks for the sun and stars and rain. Thank you for this day.
Thank you for work and play. 
Thank you for bodies naked and entwined caressing sensuality.
Thank you for life and love. Thank you for the sleep and dreams. Thank you for wakefulness. Thank you for this day. Thank you for water and pools and showers. Thank you for cars and motorcycles.
Thank you for Madigan and early morning walks in the rain. Thank you for breathing and sweet after rain scents. Thank you for walking. Thank you for computers and tablets and iPhones and internet. Thank you for my fingers Lord.
Thank you for yesterday. Thank you for birth. Thank you for childhood and teen years and family and school and later years of university. Thank you for travel. Thank you for learning. Thank you for learning, Thank you for writing.
Thank you Lord for all your blessings.

Saturday, May 14, 2022

Cleaning the refridgerator

I fasted yesterday.  I woke thinking of coffee and food.  I walked Madigan. He peed. I meditated for a short time. I was thinking of coffee and food. I found some bread and made toast. I seem to remember that breaking a fast is best with fruit. Certainly when I fasted for two week stretches only have orange juice and water I’d break my fast with salad and fruit. I figured peanut butter and jam on whole wheat toast  was close enough. 
Walking Madigan I was just between the rains.  It’s been spitting all morning. Cold and cloudy.  I had thought to insure my Harley and go for a ride today. I talked to Dave and he agreed waiting for more reliable sun was a better idea. 
I used to ask my Mom what to do when I was bored.  She’s say ‘why not clean your room.”  Mom was always inspirational.  I’d know then I didn’t want to clean the room and all the other choices would become more appealing. Dad used to say too, “if you’ve got nothing to do, why not clean the garage.”  I’d make myself scarce. Riding on my bicycle anywhere was a preferred past time.
I ended up cleaning the fridge today. It’s been a year I think. I had cleaners who I believe said they’d clean the fridge. Laura would say that was before Covid. I forget to add the two years of Covid to my memory. I was just surviving. I cleaned the fridge sometime, maybe a year ago.  It happens when the kitchen floor is flooding because the drain is blocked.  I found it blocked in the fridgerator. Once it was blocked at the back of the fridgerator.
It’s been 4 hours. It took two hours to clean everything out. I found some jars of stuff that must hid for several cleanings. I used to collect poisons and it looked like something from that era.  I found the bird wings I kept from last fall planning to teach Madigan to retrieve in the spring. He’s begun to take an interest in fetch. The trouble is one of the wing’s still had a bird attached so I’ll have to cook that well. It’s been frozen
I found a museum of ancient condiments jars. I  chucked them.  There were some dead lemons with fungus from outer space growing on them. If I’d not kept the door closed on the refridgerator this would surely have escaped one night and slid up my nose and smothered me.  I beat it with a stick before I put it in the trash. A dead potatoes became mush in my hand and felt like cadaver brain.  The smell wasn’t any too good.  An onion that had descided to sprout sometime last year was a bout of foot of greens.  I don’t usually go down in that box.  I just use it to put the fresh potatoes and carrots on. Some escape to the bottom, it seems.  I know people who would count the potatoes and carrots in the bag so thisi didn’t happen. I’m not one of those people.  
There’s Al Gore’s Arctic Ice Cap in the back of the freezer. I’ve had to put a heater in the fridge to keep it embarrassing the rich con artist fool fear monger. If it got out of my freezer it would be just another reason they changed the term ‘global warming’ to ‘climate change’.  I always think voters were never taught history.  They don’t even know horse racing.  The IPCC, Strong’s communist weapon, wins if it’s hot or wins if it’s cold.  A Trilliaon dollars and a whole lot of money has changed hands.  Lots of climatology jobs and everyone is afraid and wanting more government control. “The sky’s falling!!!! Give me more money!!!!”.  
So that’s the opportunity on the macroscopic level. Now on the electron microscope level there’s another crisis turned into a political opportunity. The history students will remember that the taxes for the war and income tax and such followed a crisis then never went away.
A cynic is just a realist today who used to be an idealist.
I’m watching the theatre of the absurd in politics and don’t know what’s better the Kardasians or Ottawa Parliament.
It’s been 2 hours thawing the Arctic Ice Cap. The arctic ice cap is still there.  I hear from friends who I know that it’s not changed.  I also hear their are more polar bears and I’m never short of honey.  The media lies.  The disinformation and misinformation is radical.  Propaganda constantly passing as news.  I’m beginning to trust what I know, mostly each day, one day at a time. I’m trying to keep my head in the same room as my arse, as my Canadian military sergeant friend once told me. Then I’m doing an expansion on Descartes ‘cogito ergo sum’ to include what my trusted friends and family have seen.  I’ve been to Russia, Moscow and St. Petersburg and know they exist. I’ve not been to the Ukraine but I have a Ukrainian friend who tells me her family are fighting the Communist Russians.   Communism is Marxist war philosophy.  Marx recommended perpetual war till his ideas won.  The Muslim religion of peace is kind of similar. There will be Peace when Muslims are in control.  I like the Christians , Hindus and Buddhists and Pagans who are trying desperately not to be persecuted.  Christians are the most persecuted religions with their god being crucified by the government and church. I’m convinced mothers in space let their teen age kids take the saucers for a spin only if they promise not to go near Earth. We’re definitely a bad neighbourhood.
I was on my knees behind Kirk Laidlaw read to kiss my ass good bye in a nuclear strike during the Kennedy Khrushchev Missile Crisis.  I like that Hiroshima has recovered but I’ve known patients who have had radiation poisoning, skin diseases, thyroid conditions, cancers because their Navy had them stand on boats and watch nuclear explosions.  
I’m finally done my genealogy study on my own. I know I’ve got some Neanderthal.  Despite the big shoulders and such for jumping on the backs of dinosaurs I think they’re the peacenick genes.  The human genes are the aggressive genes. We survived by being sneaky warlike and deceitful.  Neaderthal’s were wiped out.  I’m waiting for the lawyers to compensate me for the genocide of my ancestors.  You really can’t make this stuff up.  But the fact is my genetic make up is part flower. I was called  a ‘flower child’ when red necks were shooting guns at me and calling me a long haired hippy girl .  Some chased me through the woods with baseball bats.  I expect they’ve become CEO’s of tobacco companies.  I accept now they were right. I am convinced I have flower genes. I’m literally happy and blossom when the sun is out and wilt and close up like today when it’s rainy and cloudy again.  
I will be pleased when this refridgerator task is done.  4 hours, though two of it has been the freezer.  I have to keep sponging out the bottom.  Not much longer.  I think the take home from this experience is clean fridge before the Lilliputiatians erect a ski resort in my freeze.
Then I ‘ll take the dog for a walk and think of the beautiful flowers, the birds singing, my friends and family with babies and dogs.  I’ll even enjoy thinking about cats.  I loved talking to an older person the other day.  I love the green of spring. For a trillion dollars the climate change shits could have at least got the rain to happen at night or during the work week. I’ve got a nuclear physicist in the family and I tell him I’m still waiting for a nuclear power plant for my Harley. It’s not like I have much use for reproductive organs when what I really would prefer is power.  
I ‘m waiting for the brass band to celebrate this personal achievement.  Thank God for small mercies and blessings. I always say thank you in my prayers for the air.  We take air for granted.  I like air. Breathing is a hoot.  I love taking deep breaths walking the dog.  Thank you for the air God.  Thank you for the breath of life.  Thank you Jesus. 


Friday, May 13, 2022

Blue Sky in May

I have returned from walking Madigan. He’s now enthusiastically waiting for breakfast treats not knowing I’ve decided to fast today. I have my coffee and orange juice but no protein bar or yoghurt to share. Certainly no bacon or eggs
I’ve more work this morning.  Working helps me procrastinate about cleaning away winter clutter and tidying. I’m thinking I’ll learn to pull this big rig and to do that I will need to stow. 
I’ve been focussing on truth , that which I know is not hearsay but what I’ve experienced or even heard first hand by trustworthy reputable human source. I learned that Descartes did something similiar.  Knowledge.  Then there is memory.  What I know and what I believe. I’ve journals for this and yet there is little need to consult them. The liars persist in lying even when confronted with the truth and the courts continue to put politics before justice.  Even now there is censorship at all levels.
I’m happy this morning. I woke from good dreams, more of the peninsula and this time I had an apartment and looked out at the sea.  There is hope.  I had the back pain getting out of bed but walking it was gone.  It’s just the transition from lying to standing.  I’ve applied Balm of Ilead again. I’d wanted to go to the chiropractor now that I know the X-ray has nothing new.  Yet I let the deluge of work this week with the despearate and angry demands over ride my own needs quite again.  I miss the personal staff who once protected me by ensuring and remembering to not put two vampires consecutively. I was drained of energy before one morning ended and shuddered to face the afternoon.
I’ve been enjoying the dog walks with the black and white gang. Our little dogs, Dave’s Emory, Peter’s Luka and Bella.  Men walking and talking. Kind of like those A&W coffee meets of old men but here we’re walking and the dogs are happy in the gang.  I’m so much alone with work that the casual conversation is a treat.  Billy joined us talking about singing in the choir and his girlfriend .  He’s in his 80’s.  We’re older. George called and is helping. The other George has countless stories and experiences.  I worry about Murray and must call him. Barry called but didn’t leave a message. 

I’m connected this way.  I touch people and am touch.  We text and share social media as well.  

Each day I appeal to God.  I ask God what is my purpose. I ask for guidance. I would know God more clearly. I’m able to sense God .  God is an experience not so much an idea. I feel the presence of God. To do this I just have to detach from immediate cares and get out of the worries and fretting. Today I was just looking at the blue sky behind the clouds. Contemplating.  I was absent from myself for a bit there.  The ego is back of consciousness and the self and over self emerge.  

My mind is so often on tasks and improvements and things to do.  Business. I’ve been thinking of licensing my Harley or trading it in. I really would like to have my camping trailer. Frazerway has had it in their shop since last November and two insurance claims of $30,000 have been made but they wanted more money and frankly I don’t believe it’s worth it. They sold it to me and Laura and I heard their salesman promise there was no water damage. That’s a ‘precondition’ which was at issue in a previous rig so we were adamant about obtaining assurance about that.  I think he even said they peel back places and made sure there was no damage before selling the unit. The seals were checked by Erik that sumner.  I have my seals checked each year.  Then Frazerway said the seals needed to be checked every 3 months and no where is it suggested RV owners climb up on the roof and check the seals .  So the insurer is saying the water damage is pre existing but pre-existing the accident but that could only be a month to when the assessment was done but when the repair folk talk it’s like it’s months and years and they seem to suggest that they can tell the difference between 1 month of water damage and now it’s 6 months or more in their yard damaged so I really can’t see how they can know by observation and accuracy that the ‘pre existing occurred in 1 3 or 6 month.  The point remains they sold it to me ‘without water damage’. It’s only a couple of years since I bought it and now they’re saying this $40,000 unit has need of essential $50,000 repairs and I need to pay $20,000  more. It’s obviously a whole lot of ‘clever’ buck passing and I’m deluged with patients knowing that all my life I’ve worked under market value when I’m not doing charity work because of the ‘clever’ and quite inferior business work sorts nickel dining and playing insurance games.  I hate to think I’ve got to get a lawyer to deal with this sociopathy because they would rather wheel and deal than actually work but it weighs on me. I told this insurance company that I would have to ask a lawyer to deal with this because it’s no distracting and soul destroying. I hate the betrayal by the company. Either the water damage occurred after the accident or was there when Fraserway sold it.  I’d settle for parity but to have this abuse of elderly. We don’t have the potential years that these hustlers have and I can’t sell a unit in their garage.  

Given the St. Michael the avenger statue on the wall I know that God doesn’t want a good doctor abused and the consequence of the betrayal and deceit is as usually their themselves and their families being cursed for their evil.  It’s always happened. I look back my back trail and see all these cases of disease and don’t think it’s just me but the mental state that has one conniving is sickness inducing. Further as I’m a nice guy when this is done to me then it’s likely they must have done this to really bad people and a whole ‘list’ so the attraction of evil incarnate they have explains the apparent ‘random’ bad luck they experience. I don’t wish this on them though if I’ve cursed someone they see to be cursed by so many. I pray for my enemies and struggle to let go of resentments so that I can focus on healing but with the devolution of Canada to a communist dictatorship under an aethest pervert criminal the most unethical idiot in our history it’s hard to let go of resentments.  Jesus was killed by government and church .  We get the government we deserve.  I pray for healing and for all to be better.  All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.  I will consult my mentors and the multimillionaires and those in construction and the judges and MP’s soon to see if I need a champion or advocate. I expect these folk are just scared and recovering from Covid and God will solve this conundrum. I may just license my Harley and get some wind therapy so I’m not distracted in my meditation by the distractions.

I really am blessed. My home is good here. I have to clean the fridge.  I shook out the carpet and cleaned the living room floor. I cleaned the toilet this week and last so I’m managing. There is clutter. My run to the storage locker was good.  I might have to consider another. It’s the weekend and I worry about losing potential errand and work time by whittling it away reading.  I have been thankful for my increased walks and swims.  

Right now I’m trying to get the apps and passwords working again on the replacement iPad,  It’s another task done.  I am thankful for this new iPad but hate waiting on the phone to deal with assistance. Yesterday a n hour on the bank addressing their online password,  Even the help couldn’t help and I was thorough frustrated by the offensiveness of their security people. I forget that the paranoids and sociopaths are employed and I only see the worst of them in my office. Whole industries celebrate paranoia especially now that there is war in Ukraine.  It’s like the constant threat of the skies falling. Now we’re back to being threatened by nuclear war to add to global warning and Covid.  There’s just not enough space in my mind and heart to handle the level of government hysteria and greed. I struggle to reassure patients they’re not going to die today and it’s okay to go outside and visit and yes wear a mask and yes get a vaccine but increasingly these are little more than burning sage the way the government arts students interpret the sciences and the lies and outright fraud in the sciences makes it all seem greed.  I continue to take vitamin D and pray for the sun.  I laugh to think that if Trump had been wholly pro vaccine and made a campaign for it then half of America would have rejected vaccines because of political affiliation. It’s seems to me the left wing moves emotionally and the right wing move intellectual meanwhile I’m afraid of the body of the bird where the beak and claws are an that great ever growing cancerous belling of the Beast of Government

I want to know more joy so must think of media and government less and focus more on the blue sky The sun has come out this morning. Hallelujah.

Thank you God for the sun, for skin, for air and blood and healthy hearts and healing and the children and the mothers and the parents and the fathers and the family and the friends. Thank you for the dogs and cats and safe homes.  Thank you for clean water. Thank you for all your blessings.  

Sunday, May 8, 2022

Sunday, Sunshine, Swim, Walk

Madigan woke me at 6 am. I went back to sleep and woke at 9.  It was too late for church. I”d not thought I’d go anyways.  I never know what to wear.  I thought instead to walk and swim.  I had coffee.  I even roast Ethiopian Yergicheff beans.  I did another load of laundry. Last nights still not quite dry. I’m waiting now to hang up the wash as it’s done but I ‘ve not place to hang it yet. 
I sat in the hot tub and swam 14 lengths.  I actually swept the floor and shook out the rugs.  I have this binges of domesticity every other month. I need a cleaning lady but each time I’ve approached one the deal falls through, not through cost but some issue of theirs. I miss those who cared for me for years. Now I’m lucky to get someone for spring cleaning.  I keep thinking it’s CERB’s and such. Why work when you can stay home.  Covid did disrupt a lot. I’m at home and working and it hasn’t changed. I did have a holiday, I paid for, a month of visiting museums and art galleries and self treating the sadness and disillusionment and burn out I experienced with the questionable Omnicron response and the war between Russia and Ukraine.  
The disinformation and misinformation persist along side the outright censorship and the recent obscenity of Dictator Trudeau’s war measures act It’s all theatre of the absurd. I try to avoid media and politics.   
I’m interested in longevity research.  Metformin , interesting, a type 2 biabetes medication that reduces weight and increases health and longevity. I like the idea of fasting and increased exercise.  I’ve been feeling better with this. Even eating salads. I must get over late night snacking.  I’ve been enjoying first the Vikings and now the Last Kingdom.  Mayb e it’s the masculine protagonists.  I find the desire to leave this male identity and go off on a female identity adventure becomes less with the seasons of the moon and the shows I watch.  The mainstream tv is such a destruction of the white male justified on the past but there aren’t synagogues and mosques burning in Canada today but churches. The tv is pillorying men. Ageism against men and women is rampant. Marxist divided and conquer with its favouritism and historic revisions Im.
Sweden fell. The leadership say that the Merkel invasion of the Moslems has become and occupation.  A bit late. I’ve always wanted immigration by the South Americans and moderate Muslims. Trudeau hates catholics and prefers radicat terrorist Muslims.  I like Hindus and Buddhists but no we get immigrants that want gays killed and women not to wear bikinis. I want to wear bikini’s in solidarity.  
I’m reading another science fiction. I think the old rigid gender roles made sense before Marxist feminism.  Now abortion is the issues.  Roe versus wade is being re thought and I can’t say that young women want children but can’t afford them . While girls cry about not having a man or family while a fat man laughs as his 12 wives and 30 children live off our generosity. These are extremes. Who knows what’s true given the censorship
Climate change proponents still swagger about despite all their claims being kayboxhed.  The world hasn’t ended. War causes more planetary environmental damage but the nation lives for war.  Double speak
I’m happy in a hot tub,
i ‘m glad I fixed the scope on my riffle and am now happy with that gun. I’ve charged up the Electroglide and will get it insursured. It was good advise from Dave to ride it to Chilliwack and back and see if I’m ready to give it ups I wasn’t to test ride a Street Bob.
I’m considering getting my license to pull the big trailer but would like to trade it in for a smaller trailer . I should sell my boat. I keep thinking downsize.  it’s aging and weakening. I could be hunting bear but my camper is still in the shop and I don’t know when it will be written off or restored, I’m in limbo waiting. I’m working. Paying off the government taxes and visas. I’m even going into the clinics.  I like working from home most.  I plan to spend a month later this year in the south and don’t know which rig I’ll take south, Virtual workation. In spring anothe3r month of winter to reduce the burden of depression.  I’m looking forward to a shopping trip in Mexico too.   Madigan will like the trip.   I’m hoping to be in the same park as Peter and Larry in San Diego though I’d’ wanted to go to Yuma for the dessert air. Maybe I’ll take a week or so coming home there to compare.  The ocean is attractive but I want the dry air for my sinuses and lungs .  I become too ill in the wet winter here and really like working but need to attend to preventative health issues.  Pneumonia is the old man’s friend but I’m not ready to die.  I’m too blessed.
Thank you Jesus for the sunshine today, Thank you for the3 swim’s . Thank you for Madiga.
it’s Mother’s Day. Thank for the Mothers. Thank you Mom. My mother was as a saint and amazing and I really miss her. I appreciate my parents more and more as I age. I look forward to living longer than they did. That would be good with the health they had till the last years.  They loved their 70’s and 80’s.  
I keep thinking I’m supposed to write a book or three and yet don’t get round to it. So many thinks vy for my time and interest and attention,  


Wednesday, May 4, 2022

Gratitude, Wednesday

Thank you Lord for another day. Thank you for Madigan. Thank you for my bed and the heat, indoor plumbing and tools.  Thank you for the fresh air in the morning. I so enjoy taking a deep breath outside walking Madigan. Thank you for the colours. Thank you for the scents after rain. Thank you for the ex wives. Thank you for the old friends and childhood. Thank you for this day and tomorrow. Thank you for coffee and oranges. Thank you for honey. Thank you for friends. Thank you for lovers. Thank you for my eyes Lord. Thank you for family. Thank you for children and babies. Thank you for music. Thank you for memories. Thank you for hope. Thank you for vehicles.  Thank you for cars and trucks and motorcycles and scooters. Thank you for boats and sailing. Thank you for countryside and cities. Thank you for culture and old masters. Thank you for all your blessings. Thank you for being there, here and everywhere.  Thank you for faith and presence. Thank you for the fae.  Thank you for the sensuality, sexuality, intellectualism and emotions and social awareness. Thank you for sobriety and joy. Thank you for books. Thank you for creativity. Thank you for gummy vitamins and Advil.  Thank you for the internet and television.  Thank you for technology and flight. Thank you for NASA. Thank you for post covid. Thank you for the investigations into the fraud and theft and corruptions in government and agency. May there be justice, Lord.  Thank you for Law and Order and Peace.  Guide me in the coming days and week.  Help me to be camping again and prepare me for what it to come.  Thank you Lord for all your blessings. God is good. All of the time. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

Gratitude and Dreams

Thank you Lord for Gratitude and Dreams.  Thank you for this life. Thank you for the blossoms.

Plum and cherry blossoms
Lay like confetti along the trail
After thee wedding of earth and sky’s
Orgasmic rapture, moans and explosive rain
Nature had fun last night
While I slept and dreamed

I remembered her in mini skirts
I loved her laughter as we bicycled
Her long velvet gown at the ballet was beautiful
I was ever distracted by her breasts

She is there in a kaleidoscope of satin and lace
Perfumes and phenomes
There is no regret as I wake smiling from witches haze
Poor and old but rich in memories of youth.

Yes, I saved lives. Yes I sacrificed. Yes I studied and was on call.
But what I’m most greatful for is the feel of you in my arms
Your softness and beating heart against my nakedness
I only wish I’d spent more time in your embrace.

Now morning sends the night back with dreams
I awake to a new day.  I walk the dog and he pees 
All along the confetti strewn trail.
I believe he has a better life today but I have better dreams
And more to make

Come along little monkey mate 
I’ll get us breakfast and take you with me to work
Another day.

Thank you Lord for this sacred day, the miracles and magic and the Beltane
We suffered with Jesus on the cross remembering the banality of evil and the pompous men in fine clothes, judging.

Must I judge too.  I would rather float away in the embrace of Mary Magdalene, remembering. 
God is good all of the time.  I have such faith and trust in Creator.  What name has God?  Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, Yahweh.  
I am made in the image of God.  When I look in the mirror I see a face and in that face is a kernel of truth.
The holographic message.  Smile.  Really. Just smile. Smile. And Give thanks. 

Sunday, May 1, 2022


May is the month of sunshine and warmth.  April showers are past.  I want to go camping. I think Sun Dresses.  Seeing them even wearing them. Most I  enjoy the young bouncing and flouncing. The winter clothing challenges the aging body.  I’m longing for the lightness of being. My spirit is gay and my ideas range to all manner of activities. I dream activity. But I wake and my body aches. Not so much as to limit the age appropriate things.  But there is no way I’m going to wear a sun dress or twerk.  Im not going to climb a mountain today. I’m not going to be a soldier either.  I’m divided into lover and fighter and fear the fighter is gone.  There’s still some energy left for lover. I divide these into gender as well.  I look back on a life of fighting for good against evil.  Saving and protecting women and children.
I could be bear hunting but why. I once wanted to shoot big game and eat wild meat. I’ve done my share. Now I think I need to eat more fish and vegetable.  That’s aging.  
I’m thinking of trading in my big electroglide Harley for a Street Bob. The latter is lighter and has more versatility. I bought the big bike to drive to Sturges. I did that 5000 km roundabout trip and loved it. I did some more long distance camping trips and loved it. I have a vespa and I like that. It’s simply functional and  gets me where I’m going.  I’ve a truck and camper.  Even though I think I’d like a truck without the long box , the truck and camper are better camping than the motorcycle and pup tent. Older I like comfort and even  luxury.  
I’ve always been with beautiful women who liked bubble baths lotions, and scents.  They’ve spent hours each day give or take pampering. My psychoanalytic instructor called that  preening female masturbation.  Self love. A world of wankers.  I was always au hombre functional mode. I don’t even relax for long on a beach. If I’m not deep in meditation or reading I’m caring for someone. Not so much anymore. My marriage was drone bee and queen.  Always I sexually served the mostly passive judgmental complaining orgasmic woman. I was the classic top.  I wanted her to be pleased. I wanted to please her. I wanted her not to be angry or moody or depressed. I’d lived so long in the world of attitudes and passive aggression and manipulations and rolled eyes. .  I just did whatever to get the knives out of my heart. When she was sated sexually she could go back to sleep and I could get back to the garage. I loved the garage as much as I was criticized by her for spending my time there. I loved making things. I loved later writing.  So I bought her things and threw money at her and tried to keep her happy because she was always unhappy like their mothers, always critical of me. Their mothers were the same.  Now I think it’s identification with the agressor.
I’d rather go to the nail salon that hike about the woods with a rifle looking to kill a bear. I killed bear . I ate bear. I really enjoyed climbing mountains and hauling game back to the truck.  Now I’m happy to sit in the hot tub. I love jacuzzis.  I love healing hot springs.  At some level I’ve nothing to prove. I’m good with God. God is good all of the time. Now I say I work to give my dog a good life.
I’m thinking of trading my heavy sniper 300 winmag rifle and long distance  in. I gave away my American RugerMini 11 because Testicless Trudeau outlawed that rifle but allowed the Canadian and Israeli semi autos. I miss the rifle and load. I liked target practicing and shooting rabbits with that rifle. I don’t plan to shoot game long range any more. I’ve no need of a rifle that shoots 800 yards. I’d be exhausted walking to the kill, let alone getting it back to the truck. I’ve my deer rifle. It’s shot 90 % of my big game and will do. I like the 300 win mag as back up but a 223 as back up will do.  The irony is the American rifle Testicless Trudeau outlawed took 223.  The other rifles all take NATO 5.56 load which is not really for hunting but Testicless Trudeau doesn’t outlaw those rifle. It’s just money.  I don’t really need to do that. I can target practice with a 22.   But that’s where my mind goes on default, the resentment and how to get a lighter rifle I might use more than the back up.  I also considered an over under 306 or 3030 and 20 gauge. I’m always looking for the one stop shopping, the bird and deer gun the city and country bike,etc.
I think about a lighter smaller RV. I think about a lighter smaller Boat. My mind is on minimalization and lightening up. I took things to the storage locker where I see I could easily downsize but I don’t want to be indoors going through a locker. I did that a couple of years ago and went from two lockers to one. Most of the locker is office related and seasonal clothing and such.  I miss Mexico where I had shorts and a sarong and t shirts and only spear fished. I loved spear fishing though worried about sharks. I should fish more. ‘I’Ve been saying that for the last three or four years having bought several little inflatable fishing boats over the years with the idea of trolling in mind.  I loved ocean fishing but lack thepatience for floating about on a lake or even casting now.
I like partridge hunting with the 20 gauge riding about on the Honda ATV.
I actually liked ocean fishing because I could travel from island to island at 3 knots trolling and catch salmon and ling cod while going from anchorage to anchorage. I loved the autopilot , drinking coffee, tanning, sightseeing  and reading while I was travelling and fishing. I’d like to drag a line behind the motorcycle or car and catch something equivalent , maybe rabbits and have food when I stopped.
I imagine the western days with riding horses and shooting a deer from the saddle with the 30:30 rifle and then roasting steak by the campfire. Today I’d rather be served steak in a fine restaurant. 
I missed church.  I walked the dog and put on sweats to go outside. Dressing is a challenge. When I got back home I dropped the sweats and got comfortable in underwear and tshirt.  Boyshorts the girls call them. Stanfields is what guys call them.  I wouldn’t walk outside in underwear but if there was a delivery I wouldn’t necessarily pull on the sweats. Mostly I would but I haven’t cared to get the pizza in underwear.  Mom always wanted us to have clean underwear.  That’s why I liked Mexico. The sailing shorts and t shirt or sarong an t. Shorts or sarong  covered every occasion, being on the boat, dock, beach or even dining out at night. I never had to worry about covering my ass but rather I had to remember the tshirt and sandals because of the no shirt no shoes no service beach establishment signs.  No signs for no bottoms.

I was raised on stoicism.  I’m now more epicurean. I did a few intermittent years of hedonism, after a couple of divorces , descending into weekends of partying but mostly I still climbed hills, did kayaking and lots of time alone with the dog and a tent and a rifle or fishing rod.  I worked with people all week and weekends I liked to get away and admittedly I liked female company so I skied and danced and did all those things that led to a wonderful night in bed . Sex was great. Mostly  I liked one person.I had had a best friend.  Dog and girl.  

I don’t have any desire for winter. I don’t like going out . I don’t want to encounter crisis and danger. Even yesterday I almost caused an accident letting my mind wander on a motorcycle.  If I’m not concentrating I’m dead.  I liked Covid.  Delivery and pick up food. I got into a habit of staying home.  Dressing the way I liked. Casual. Working on the computer, meeting neighbours causally.  Retirement age and the world around it is like high school summer breaks.  There’s not a sense of upward mobility or competition. Most are trying to get by with what they are.

I never thought I’d live long enough to retire.  I did all the dangerous assignments.  I lived a full life.

I’m okay now.  If I had a garage I’d be building again.  I might have to get back into more little projects. Or take another course. I have books to complete but procrastinate. I could go swimming.  I think I’ll make another coffee and lie down and read.

Thank you God for this all, the mundane, rather effete, no work Sunday. A day of rest.  It is that. Last night watching tv and eating pizza.  I expect I’ll have an inspiration again. Theses doldrums pass.  I would be glad for sun and I could lie outside and read. It’s still sort of drizzly.  

Meanwhile Elon Musk Bought Twitter.  Russia wars with Ukraine making billions for arms dealers and innovation. Nothing like coming up with better ways to kill each other gets the creative juices going.  More erotic romance novels are being sold The pressure on men is seen in the viagra sales.  I had a yoghurt and Cliff protein bar for breakfast.  An identity change would give new purpose. I’m coasting now.  Covid took the wind out of the sales.  Meaning and purpose need to be explored.

 Yes to know God, to love God and love my neighbour as myself.  It’s okay. I’m doing okay.  Travel and writing is fun.  I’m looking forward to that.  Swimming in a lake is fun. I haven’t got down to the beach in years and might consider that.  I have lots to explore locally. Even dog parks.  My puppy likes riding on the back of motorcycle and motorscooters.  

Time to read. 

Chickendinner last week

He got his vaccination and tick and flea meds yesterday