Journal, Spirituality, Thor

I have come through another week.  Each day I pray.  I feel the presence of God in Creation.  I have had a cold. First runny nose then sore throat. I’ve rested and done all the things I do for laryngitis. I’ve wondered if this were a result of the pollen and allergies. It was covid with the difficulty breathing.  Just a plain old cold like the ones of childhood. Later they’d come when I was not getting enough rest.  I ate all the soup I had.  Each day got better. I worked from home and didn’t go to the men’s meeting.  This morning I don’t feel as infectious. 

I love my Thor Hurricane Home.

I woke to find 4 little yellow rubber ducks on my doorstep.  The message was that someone liked my jeep.  

My printer came without the power cable. I talked to Amazon and they sent out another. It’s a tad bigger than I thought but HP laser jet with a contract for ink.  I’m supposed to be working on my book.  I’ve made some progress.  I have the canon portable printer but it’s slow and quality is low . An office expense.  

The Iran war continues along with the Ukraine war.  Our prime minister is a disappointing ally of Commuist China.  

I’m waiting for the opportunity to take my Jeep Wrangler to E&H hitch Laney to get the blue ox hitch so I can tow it behind the Thor motorhome.  I feel I’ll be free then on more so. I want to sell my Harley or my Vespa.  I really could sell both and get an electric bike with a carrier for Madagon.

I walked with Peter and Bella and Luka and Madigan and he said “you’re a jeep guy’. Others are concerned about my being on 2 wheels while I just want to lighten up and reduce so be truly mobile, much like I was on the sailboat. Now I’ve two motorcycles an and a camper.  I don’t get much money back on sales but storage and license continues to be an outgoing cost. I like my Harley and have paid my dues to be a member of the club.  Much the same as sailing . Ironically I feel I relate more to the Vespa crowd.  There’s is male female division. . The Thor and Jeep are unisex, the Harley male and the Vespa female. 

I was listening to a feminizing tape and checking out a voice analyzer.  A couple of patients are in transition and I’m part of their journey prescribing hormones.  The long time endocrinologist I worked with is retiring but has recommended a couple of alternatives.

My back has been quite diabolical.  It’s improved with the chiropractor and there are good dans and bad days but with the could and cough it’s been at burden.  I really need to do more exercise and stretching and resist self pity. I liked Clint Easton saying “I don’t let the old man in’.  That’s what I’m doing.

I’d planned on going to the art gallery to see the latest showing.  To honor the event I thought to get a new gown or even a dress but a jean skirt would be sufficient.  A couple of years back I attended the last one show she had and participated as such.  The only trouble was the cold knocked me down. I did get my nails done to stop my incessant nail biting but already two gels have broken off..  I feel a bit of a vagabond and not at all put together.  

The fact is I got through a week of work. I use the term ‘got through’ like I did with boating and had a passage of rapids.  I have to be attentive in my work.  I takes a lot of concentration which Is what is difficult when the sinuse are full.

I have to take back the first printer in its box to be returned to Amazon .  I have the old coffee roaster to dispose of. I think it’s good and only needed cleaning but now i have the one like I had before and it’s much better though big for the space.  I’ve delicious Ethiopian coffee proabably a week’s supply whereas the old one only did a day or two.  A lot of work for little reward.

I’ve been watching Battlsstarr Galactica, an old series I saw a little of.  I’m enjoying it more. I continue to watch episodes of NCIS I haven’t seen and Boston Blue and Blue Bloods.  I love each week when a new episode of Marthsals come out.

On audio in the car and walking I continue to listen to a history of the Orthodox Church.  

I took a gulp of water last time I swim and think that’s how I got the cold.  I got the flue in Palm Springs when I was swimming in the pool there. It’s purely superstitious and lacks scientifica validity but that’s my personal cause and effect scenario so I won’t be swimming today. It’s amazing how nothing negative is associated with chocolate or icecreme so Idont give up those.  But I was enjoying swimming.  I’ll have a shower today.  

Right now another coffee. I’ve had a banana and have a quiche to eat. 

Victor called and he’s sold the quad and trailer so I’ll get a few thousand. I ‘m asking him to sell the rifle too so will have to drive out to drop that off and pick up some money I can put to the car loan.  I’d like to see that debt come down. Just talking to Victor tired me out though. So today’s going to have to be  another rest day to get over this cold.  My weekend for recuperation.  

I got him out for a walk and he pooped. Now he’s lying across from me napping.  

The quiche is delicious. Water a flu and feed a cold. I’m enjoying this feeding part.  But the effort makes me want to lie down.  We’re supposed to walk after a meal. 

There’s meeting tomorrow morning and again on Sunday morning. I’ll be glad to be at a meeting. Eating I just feel like going back to sleep. I’ve another coffee coming and I’m planning on a shower but a nap may have to precede that . The quiche had spicy sausage in it.  Delicious.

God is one day at a time. Now is all I have.  I’ve woken to another gift of a day. I got excited about driving out to Chillowack but blowing my nose took the enthusiasm away.  The coffee sure tastes good but doesn’t change the desire for a nap

God is good all of the time.

The relationship with Jesus, advocate, who who took away the sins of the world, my confessor, conscience.  I can do things tomorrow. 

The Orthodox Church is big on the Jesus Prayer prayer.  Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.  I think of God as perfect and humans as imprecise and sinner isn’t something dirty or bad but rather a person who misses the mark.  Good intentions perhaps but errs.  Have mercy suggest a punishing God, like the OT Yahweh.  But that’s just possible the scientific laws of cause and effect.  With guidance and intercession my errors need not be so great and indeed have an advocate before judgement. I want to have free speech and win politically but don’t wat to be financially hurt.  I fear for my old age and that’s a problem. Yet today I don’t feel robust.  I wonder if my decisions selling things isnt just a product of the invalidism I feel with this back pain.  If I exercised more and was more active perhaps I’d then keep the Harley.  I’m thinking of going out to a lake Harrison, Okanagan , Nakusp for a few weeks this summer.  I’m drawn to hotsprings.  But I’d like to swim in the lake. Harrison would suffice.  After I get the hitch settled I’ll be able to move onto the the next plan . I serve in my work. But I have to write the first of three books.  The printer is part of that strategy.  I ask God for his will for me. I ask God that I may know him more.

Journal - Wednesday Morning, Burnaby

Struggling with a sore throat that’s getting better .  Often means I’m working too hard, stressed or cursed.  I’ve been reflecting on personalities.  I’m letting go of past persons. I identified as the poet, writer, dancer, then cyclist , then outdoorsman, canoeist, and finally offshore sailer. Then it was fisherman and big game hunter. And the guy who dressed in gowns and attended functions with the mayor, camp or seriously, the college actor. Always the healer, spiritual seeker.  Then the motorcyclist, the Harley Davidson’s.  An arbitrary achievement, bicycling across Europe, motorcycling across Canada and US to Sturges South Dakota, Dancing on Television and in England, training with the world champion,  provincial champion volleyball and gymnast.  Life guard, rescuer diver, shitty golfer.  Sailing solo in winter across the Pacific through hurricanes then sailing the Hawaiian islands.

Always the imposter syndrome.

Sober now 28 years.  In this time of year when the last divorce and last drink was occasioned. Is it all identification with the aggressor The betrayal, the back stabbing, the lies and then leaving that behind.  Rebuilding a life.  Letting go of things that began before and carried on. Sailing, camping.  Missing dancing, missing university libraries.  Remembering telescopes and microscopes.  All the elders dying alon with friends.  The dogs and cats remembered.

Now I’m thinking of letting go of my Harley, maybe even the Vespa too but the Harley was a personal as well The ship is gone. I’m now the Jeep guy with a motorhome.  I no longer do surgery of deliver babies. I don’t build decks or repair roofs,  I don’t climb masts.

I imagine there’s less testosterone and more estrogen. 

I rmimisce so fondly of the hard cock and listing her up with my hands on her thighs and her back against walls, indoors and out, lowering her on my cock to be impaled and carrying her till orgasms.  Youth and strength.

I struggled to get off the floor.

Think of seeking the 300 winmag short coyote with the zeiss scope I thought to shoot 800 yards though the longest kill I made was at 600 yards and the moose were at most 300 yards.Now I’d only shoot something at a 100 yards because the last deer I shot at that distance took me hours to get back to the road and loaded.

Getting old is not for the young. Takes to much courage wisdom and sorrow.

Blow jobs and bottoms are the sunset of life.  The joke goes that the young wife says to the old guy, ‘let’s go upstairs and make love’ .  His reply is ‘I’ve told you before I can only do one or the other.’

Bits of identity attached to activities and friends,  Going into old areas of work with fresh young faces beaming back reminds me of “What about Schmidt’.  I still have thousands of files

My back hurts. The chronic pain wears. The many injures I laughed off come back to haunt,  Riding down the road with the motorcycle riding me,  Pitchpoling cars down ravines.  Plane crashes and climbing out the sides of the ship and sliding down the twisted wing.  Fight in jails and asylums , wrestling the dangerously insane back to rooms as other come to help. Bring hit by cars and flying off roofs on bicycles that saw their last day at that moment the man ran the red light.  Miracles.  So many NDE’s and gratitude. Thank you Jesus.

A cute pain, the 12 guage pellets hitting thigh, the punches to the face , the falls from trees and twists and then acute pain.  Cute pain.  Not like the ugly pain of chronic pain, waking to experience the nerves screaming as one turns over to climb out of bed. And I once climbed mountains.

Hide weakness. Hide aging.  The invaders raped the women and kill the old men.  My own government is pushing MAID like a new toaster or laundry soap.

I turn it around. Each day reapeat gratitude lists. Am thankful for the day but uncertain about the future. Once I’m moving everything is better Walking the dog outside I come alive.  I’m thankful I’m above the ground.  I believe in life after death but today think it’s my time I’m inspired by the older mentors and now admire my father who did 20 years past this point, a great explorer . I see his signs more and more along the way and know how hard it was for him to carry on.  He did for me.  And I don’t have children . So I’m just carrying on for family friends and service.  I’m blessed.

I laughed in a frock and enjoyed t shirts sandals and short shorts.  I remember the bliss of dancing in the streets. Hippies.  Long hair.  Girls impossibly beautiful with breasts that made Mary Magdalene blush. I was always with the best of men and best of women though there’s always a Judas,  Authorities and Romans and Phillistiens and parasites.  They’re such a minority.  The wise avoid them and carry on, I’m working on forgiving,  I’m letting go.  

Surrendering to destiny, old age, limits of the script.  I have been blessed. Thank you Jesus

Monday Morning, Burnaby,Journal

I began my morning dressed in purple.  My dreams were chaos I didn’t recall. I like the routine of the bathroom.  Shaving, brushing hair, brushing teeth.  Sitting to meditate and prayer.  I’m a little disconnected.  Concentration down but I still sense the God of Creation. The interconnectedness is there.  

I’m not into exercise. Stretching some. Resting on yesterday’s long walk and swim; Yesterday I did 8700 steps.

Today the power was out. It was in the neighbourhood.  I saw a neighbour had started the vehicle and generator. I met Mac and he said the BC hydro graph showed the whole area outage.  By the time Madigan had pooped the hydro had returned.

I enjoyed listening to a woman on a podcast talk of being ‘penetrated’.  She admitted that she when she flirted and was interested in a man she wanted him to ‘penetrate’ her She said she loved the feeling of his pounding her and the release when she felt a flood insider and felt herself surrender.  

I remember reading Hound of Heaven and realizing God was wanting find me while I was chasing him.  Now I had a similiar small epiphany that women sought the same sensation of release. I had begun thinking they only ‘did it’ for other reasons, money, company, etc.  I enjoyed her saying she liked having orgasms.  On her own and and with another.  It seemed so simple and uncomplicated.  I confess I didn’t think about it much since I ‘took so much for granted’ but then with the increasing anti male politic and ‘toxic masculinity’ and men never getting it ‘right’, slow hand, fast hand, chasing her fluctuating moods and increasing barriers, then the whole denigration of the male and the constant media negation of the male and the childlike delegation of the male and the woman as emperor and somehow the loss of simplicity.  

It was reassuring.  

Hedonism is the seeking of pleasure.  Pleasure is to know God.  Spiritual surrender.  The Spiritual Orgasm, not limited to the body parts or person but of the world exploding with joy and bliss.  I wake each morning and all my senses are assailed. 

God is good all of the time,  

I closed my FB and now am reading X occasionally.  Journalling more.  The Merry Maids are coming at noon  and I’m looking forward to the place being clean.  

I’ve work today and hope to take my laundry in.  I’m having more free time and down time with the vehicles and bank issues resolving.  Everything is being paid for. The money flow is there. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.  Just waiting for the Blue Ox hitch to be scheduled.  

I’m planning on selling the 300 win mag and really am considering selling the Harley Nightster Special .  The Vespa meets all my needs but I’m looking at folding big wheel electric bicycles with a rear carrying space.  They range $1000 to $2500 and with the Jeep now would serve all my purposes. I really enjoy the Vespa for grocery shopping.  I could take the Harley on a Pemberton circle ride.  But I’m more anxious about risk. I’d be happy enough with the jeep or motorhome.  

I’m planning a couple of weeks in the country with Thor by a lake but now need to figure what lake. 

Thank you Jesus for this day.  

Brunette Lake Walk, Sunday

I didn’t make it to church today. Since the Anglican Church has been anti American and pro Islam I have wondered about being them. Prince Charles is the head of the church and appears pro Islam and anti Christian. I found it increasingly difficult to attend the anti American , pro communist China church and yet. I like the people.  I work all week and want church to be more about God and spirituality and the Bible and Jesus rather than social work.  I enjoyed the Biblical nature of Easter and realized I missed this.

I enjoyed the spirituality in the Orthodox Church we attended for the baptism of the god kids.  I am conservative and support Pierre Poilevre and don’t like Carney with his pro aetheist communist China and anti American position.  The anti ‘Trumpism’ that CBC promotes just takes people’s attention away from the horrible corruption in Canada with foreign affairs and climate change positions. I’m at variance with the clergy in the church. I think I’m at one with some of the congregation but I don’t like even thinking about this.

So this morning I slept in . I liked the church itself and have fond memories. There’s another church that meets there and I thought I’d check it out but didn’t want to face the politics of jumping ship or crossing the floor or whatever. They’re both dog friendly.  It’s work to get out of bed and go to church. I didn’t make it.

I went for a walk with Madigan around the park then I made the long walk to the Brunette River bird dock.  When I got back I went for a swim.

I feel God the creator. I feel Creation is alive in the way I feel the grass and earth alive when I walk on them as opposed to walking on cement,  I feel I’m this mind in the midst of this glorious creation. 

I ‘m reading the Nicene Creed history and enjoying the discussion of the nature of Jesus.  Spirt and matter.  I think of spirit and slow matter. It’s all God but there was a lot of confusion over the separation of man and God.  Jesus was the interface.  Advocate.  Humans were ‘creatures’ , created while Jesus was God and Man,  truly God and Truly Human, hypostatic union.  

If God and Human were distinct it was argued there would be no bridge or union. God perfect and human limited.  ‘Creator and created.  

The Nicene Creed

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth and of all things visible and invisible

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father, before all ages; Light of Light, true God of true God, begotten , not created, of one essence with the Father, through Whom all things were made. Who for us men and for our salvation came down from heaven and was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary and became man. He was crucified for us under Pontius Pilate m and suffered and was buried;And He rose on the third day according to the Scriptures. He ascended into heaven and dis seated on the right and of the Father. And He will come again with glory to judge the living and the dead. His Kingodom shall have no end. 

And in the Holy Spirit, the Lord m the Creator of Life who proceeds from the Father, Who together with the Father and the Son is worshipped and glorified; who spoke through the prophets.

In one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church.

I confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

I look for the resurrections of the life of the age to come. 

This is taken from the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America

Latin Catholics have a slight varioation of their creed.

I learned the Apostle’s Creed but have always recited the Nicene Creed in church.

The Christian Triune God, is God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit.  

 

Journal - Saturday afternoon

I’ve been to the Chiropracter. My back feels better and I expect this will last sometime as the last did too.  I’ve gone to the storage locker with Madonna and brought back the rifle  for sale and some light clothing I just took away but missed.  We’ve walked a couple of times around the park. I had a sandwich made over from the left over steak dinner. I’ve napped an hour too. I’m rather dull now despite another walk.  

I took him to the dog park on the way home from the storage locker.

 I’m considering riding to the mall. I am considering nail’s again since I’m continue to bite them and that sorts that.  I changed to a gold chain and cross after wearing silver for a long time.  I’ve caught up with my work.  

I’ve been reading the life of the man who wrote amazing grace and the history of the Nicene Creed.  Nothing particularly excites me. I’m somewhat bored despite the sunny weather. I am betwixt and between.  Best to do something.  He can stay home while. I run off . A trip on the HD will be nice.  I’ve just got to get out of my shorts.  I was going to go swimming as well but ironically I just washed my hair. I have things to buy at the mall , like listenine.  

I’ve been praying to God. 

Journal - Burnaby, Saturday Morning

I couldn’t find my meeting. Naturally I’m paranoid. It always happens.  Glych on iPhone or internet and I take it personal. I don’t dwell on it. Not like her half rolling her eyes. I caught that and don’t know what to make of if.  Keeps coming back.  I wonder if I’m off the list.  I don’t know. I’ve had trouble finding notes for a few weeks. They go to trans or spam all of a sudden then it takes a while for me to react.  I contacted the organizations and reached out to a member.  Maybe I ‘ll take in the meeting tonight.

I did walk the dog and he pooped.

I’ve a chiropractor apt in an hour. Then i’ts an open day again. I’ve the jeep and the motorcycle. I can go to the storage locker and get the rifle I want to sell. I could go out to chilliwack. I’m not terribly good with an unplanned day.  It’s a wide open space and I really don’t have anything that needs doing right now. I’d hoped the new faster printer would be here and I could do some paperwork.

I could go to apple or phone them and solve the mail problems. I think I should do a better job of bookkeeping.  

I need to exercise more≥. Swimming and walking.

I have so much organization to do on this bus.  There’s stuff in the bins I don’t need and my toolbox needs organization. I ‘ve room in the overhead bins too and the clothing.  So much I could do.  

Best get ready for morning adjustment

Brunette River Walk with Madigan

This may be the first time since we returned from the south that we’ve actually walked the Brunette River.  Madigan was obsessive about sniffing everything and peeing on everything.  He is very territorial and likes to let every other dog that he now owns the walk.  It’a a perfect day with sunshine and blue sky. I was in my Irish Clomachnoise t shirt and canvas shirt.  There was a light refreshing breeze with scents of the forest.  The river was what I think of as its normal height. It runs high in the spring and gets quite low in the summer.  I was glad to see the mallards. Just a very nice morning walk.

We’re are back.  Laura’s SMART Car battery is dead and BCAA doesn’t heave smart car batteries so I’ll get in the Jeep with Madigan and go to the rescue. 

She has it in hand so I’m back to what are Madigan and I going to do. Possibly lunch.

I had thought to ride my motorcycle . I think my Lazer ink printer may be at the post office so I can drive the jeep there to pick it up. Madigan can guard the home.  HE’es fsacinated by looking out the screen door

All chaos broke out.  Peter passers by with the girls. So I had to put on some sweats and shoes and caught up for another walk around the park. Peter and Larry go to Cochran Alberta next to a RV park on the Bow River.

I’m considering what will be the best bike to have with the Jeep, the Harley, Vespa 300 or get a Vespa 150, or a folding electric bike I can carry easily on the back of the Jeep.  Peter is getting my old folding electric bike fixed up to take out. I gave it to them thank them for the inspiration that got me through this summer trip south in the Motorhome. Now I’m waiting for the Blue Ox hitch to be installed then I don’t think I’ll want any other vehicles because that’s would allow me to come and go. I’d like to spend a couple of weeks this summer by a lake somewhere, maybe the okanagan, with a hot springs, maybe Halcyon.  

They’re planning on going back to Sidney next year and I certainly want to do that.  Working virtually gives me that flexibility.