Journal - Burnaby - Nov. 9, 2026

Thank you for this day Lord. Thank you for Madigan, family, and friends. Thank you for my work and service.  Help me be a better person each day. Help me overcome my character defects. 

Thank you for the adventure.

Laura texted and she’s waiting for the light to come so she can walk her the dog she is sitting. I’m waiting to walk Madigan too.  We don’t like the dark in the morning. I like the heat and dry down south but remember er the short days there too.  Here it’s exciting as the days grow longer in spring.  

This is all God’s creation.  I think I was most impressed by the wonder and scale when I first looked at pond water through my microscope as a child. So much complexity.  God is great. I love Phillips book, Your God is too small.  

Each day I wake up and the new program has been be4en installed and runs till i go to sleep.  There’s God time which is really big and my little time.  I liked listening to the fellow studying fruit flies and the DNA changes in a day life of a fruit fly.  

Maija had her 97 yo birthday.  Vecsmamin lived to be over 100.  Dad lived to be 94 but Mom ahd died 5 years before and he was anxious and lonely after she was gone.  I have felt a hollow emptiness alone at sea a thousand miles from the nearest.  God is what fills the space and is also the space.  I remember discussing gravity in San Francisco and how little we knew.  Watching the Sufi’s dance I thought I grasped something in the movement.  

I need the light to see where Madigan poops to pick it up in a baggy.  I take a head lamp to see for that task in the dark.  I liked walking with my cat Moon in the woods.  

Politics will come into the world when I open Facebook and X.  Here there is peace.  I don’t even hear the traffic just the sound of the heater fan.  There’s the train tracks near by with trains passing several times a day. The coffee is good. I’ve had eye vitamins and ibuprofen and zinc and Vitamin B12.  I’ve fish oil but today had the Cumin anti inflammatory and tsp of apple cider vinegar with the morning orange juice.  I need more baby ASA. I used the British Rose butter.  It’s almost light .  Shooting light. I could recognize horns almost.  I’m still enjoying the coffee. Laura texted me that she had learned how to use the coffee machine so was having coffee too.

It’s a my Monday Fast Day.  

I would know you better God. I have the sense that you are present but I would see and feel you more clearly.  I would experience your joy more full.  I would Grok you as they said in Stranger in a Strange land.

I’m passing through . I’m born alone and die alone and was blessed to have the love and care of my parents,brother, family, aunts.  I think of Adell and the nephews and wish Ron was here to see the great nephews and great neice.  I could be closer but fear that all I’ve seen and done and attracted and attract might influence. I stay away from innocent and feel like warriors must always have felt. I have lost my innocence, known evil and fought evil and yet All is God and there’s a zen or presence that’s known only when you’ve been in the depth. The Long Dark Night of the Soul.  I’m blessed today and thankful for the grace of God. Thank you Jesus. 

These a little pink in the sky at the edge of the grey clouds 

I just read Jesus saying in the Holy Bible, “I am in the father and the father is in me”.  I am like a digital program in the digital hologram. I am the same ‘code’ as the father.  God said “I am”.  This ‘being news’ is me and God.  We are God stuff, star dust and co creators, the Word.  

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God . There’s is enough light to walk Madigan. Now,. 

Sexuality and Hetero, Homo, Bi, etc

Sexuliaty is defined by DNA.  It’s called the genotype in comparison to phenotype defines appearance.  There’s an X and Y Chromosome.  XX is female. XY is male.  There are rare exceptions.  XO is a female person and XXY is a male person.  Hormones subsequently affect the phenotypic expression of the genes.  These changes occur at adolescence.  Pre pubescent children are considered before child bearing age.  Pubescence is the biological shift to adulthood.  

Hermaphrodites exist but are also rare.  Without testosterone, an XY genetic individual will remain appearing XX female.  Hermaphroditism and Medical Invention of Sex by Alice Domurst Dreger is the essential primer or any biological discussion of sexuality and gender .  Gender is another term for the phenotypic expression of sex and sexuality. 

Child bearing was normal, natural and desired until the last hundred years or more or less.  Children were the workforce and force for war.  More children, more wealth and more success in defense and war.  

The Central unit of society especially Indo European was the ‘family’ , father and mother and children.  Alternatively other societies and cultures preferred the ‘big chief’ where successful men had multiple wives and concubines and slaves.  The family unit was not as central to many Asian and African and tribal societies.  To appreciate the variety in this regard one should read anthropology.  Jared Diamond’s Guns, Germs and Steel, The Fates of Human Society and the World Until Yesterday , What Can We Learn from Traditional Society’s consider be considered the essential primer regarding family, society, reproduction and sexuality from a social perspective.

Heterosexuality refers to sexual coupling between male and female with the possibility of reproduction.  Historically there are questions about when primitive man ‘knew’ that intercourse was associated with pregnancy.  Hunter and gatherer society likely did but might not. There is certainty that herding society did know.  It is wise though not to assume such details.  Anthropomorphism is the tendency to judge others and the past based on our own perspective and experience. It’s rife. Generalization is too.  People commonly extrapolate from their own experience whereas scientists try to be objective as opposed to subjective.  Objectivity is mostly impossible in the social sciences which is not surprising given that the observer can effect the nature of a particle and wave in physics experiments.  The attempt is made and today we benefit from such rigorous researc.

Homosexuality refers to sexual coupling between the same sex individuals. Mostly female to female is called Lesbianism whereas Male to male is called homosexuality.  Reproduction doesn’t occur and that’s essential to understanding morality and social stigma.

Sex and reproduction were related to wealth and defense and acquisition.

There is a great history of the ‘getting’ the prize bull to reproduce.  Aggie students competed seriously with who could get the bull to have sex how many times. Bigger bulls produced bigger cattle so there is always an effort to increase the herd profit with breeding. Bulls may be sexually lazy or unattractive to a ranchers cows. They have real personality.  Bulls were rented by hours and days.  To understand how important this was ranchers eventually chose to masturbate the bull to spread his seed to the cow rather than depend on appearance and attraction.  Today artificial insemination is the norm.  

  Lesbianism isn’t as politically significant as homosexuality simply because women could be forced to have intercourse and reproduce and still are today. Men on the other hand were much more susceptible to ‘interests’. .  

Bisexuality refers to the sexual coupling with either sex.  

Bisexxuliaty is much more common and historically significant in this regard.  Homosexuality wasn’t the issue that exclusivity was.  In society where the king must produce an heir ‘value’ was defined for women in reproductive competence and in men as his ability to ‘sire’ .  The social history we know is often from the upper classes, kings and queens , rather than the peasants 

Today men who prefer sex exclusively with other men is maybe 3 % of the population.  There’s a lot of team switching that goes on.  

Unwanted pregnancies were always a concern given the prescience of ‘chastity belts’ and ‘monogamy’ nad the ruler wanting a son that looks like him not like the gardener.  Also givens heirs and heiress’s the great warrior king didn’t want his wife producing a ‘tiny Tim’ musically gifted child if he couldn’t defend the kingdom.  Abortions are evidenced by a history of means.  Children were always good but not out of wedlock.  Sickly children were killed.  Only in the last generation was the ‘one child’ family even an ‘idea’’

1952 the invention the invention of the birth control pills. Early use of the condom dates back to 3000 BC and King Minos of Crete.  Mutual; masturbation, thigh sex,  Oral and Anal Sex, and rhythm method were all ancient means to avoid reproduction.  Slave girls and boys and servants were also available. 

All of this changed with industrialization in the 19ths century.  Industrialization resulted in profits being made by machines rather than by people.  The very concept of ‘overpopulation’ is a 19th century concept.  Malthus pointed out that populations were kept in cheque by starvation , disease and war.  With industrialization smaller families were more successful.  

Today identity ias defined for some by their sexual preference as might a person who teaches be called a ‘teacher’ regardless of whether that person only teaches or always teaches.   Sexuality became a political unit with the legalization and illegalization of sex..

Pierre Trudeau famously said that the State has no place in the bedrooms of the citizens which result in the legal system and court jumping in to take up the space once decided by democracy or whatever.  Sex is the great industry of the legal system.  Today Sex is business.  

Transexualism is the most recent of variations.  Transexualism refers to ‘phenotype’ not genotype.  Male to female is an XY who presents as XX but every cell in the body remains XY even with hormones.  

Cross dressing  and transvestism is ancient.  There are references to female warriors in Viking times and boudache,femine men in tribal society.  Today 90% or more cross dressers are heterosexual . It’s a ‘kink’ or ‘fetish’.  

Transexuals are different from ‘drag queens’. Drag queens ‘mock’ females whereas MtoF could be seen as ‘imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  Psychologically there’s many factors involved.  

The biggest shift prior to Transexualsim was the shift from family to ‘individualissm’. Individuals today make ‘choices’ and the unit of much of society is the ‘individual’ rather than the family or ‘tribe’.  

Remembrance Sunday, St. Barnabus Anglican Churh,

I was glad to be in church today.  Dad was  Royal Canadian Air Force and served in WWII.  Remembrance Day was very special for him and his fellow vets.    I remember as a child in grade school, reciting Flanders Fields.   I bought a poppy yesterday from one of the cadets.  Our new Curate Rev. Matthew Nichiporuk gave a tremendous service speaking of remembrance and resurrection.  We are a people that believe that Jesus conquered death and that we as Christians will continue after death.  

It’s sad that our government  is leaning towards communism and Islam. They have outlawed Christian pastors from Remembrance Day services .  Hundreds of church’s have been taken by arson in Canada and the government does nothing. Meanwhile our Prime Minister celebrates Muslim values being Canadian values even as King Charles the head of the Anglican Church similarly celebrates Islam.  Even the Pope speaks highly of Islam.  It’s like the Muslim Brotherhood’s plan for annihilating Jews and Christian’s doesn’t exist.  Similarly the hundreds of millions murdered by Aetheists and their religion of Communism has been forgotten in the New World Order.   History is being rewritten.   But we still remember.

I remember my father telling me of his service against the neopagan Nazi and emperor worshipping Japanese.  He told me he just missed going to Korea to fight the Communist Chinese invasion. Then it was Vietnam.  I was a peacenic hippy growing long hair and  singing Draft Dodgers Rag in Coffeehouses.  Churchill said if you aren’t a socialist at 20 you have no heart and if you’re not a capitalist at 40 you have no soul. It was years before I’d learn that sentimentalism wasn’t wisdom.  The truth was  I liked the music and the women of the day, the wine and marijuana, youth and the birth control pill.  

. Years later as a doctor I’d want to join the military but my wife at the time wouldn’t hear of it.  Instead I served as a consultant to the veterans I heard the most extraordinary tales of courage and character from men who had served.  This was one of the greatest privileges of my career.  The men and women who served were  special, amazing humans wise beyond their years and humble.  

War continues  in Ukraine and Iran.  Communist China invaded Hong Kong and threatened to invade Taiwan.  The west stood strong.   This all continues and the government admits terrorists to Canada without sufficient vetting.  My father and his veterans friends said they’d never have volunteered when Justin Trudeau was Prime Minister. Worst that’s his father. They all rather liked Chretien and Mulroney and Harper. .  They’d have liked Mr. Carney than Justin but no so much so much Mr. Carney’s mixed allegiance.    Serveral of my most admired friends  sons and daughter who have joined our military now, Dr Lovely’s brilliant son and the highly talented Guppy daughter.  Our government now is  investing in equipment, helicopters comms and ships after America called out their ally for not pulling its weight. There is now hope  again for Canadian veterans. 

I pray each day.  I remember Mom teaching me to pray on my  knees beside her a the side of my bed.  I was five attending Sunday school, and Christian youth groups, camps and later adult church.   I liked studying the Bible with Dr. Ridd at University of Winnipeg, having Dr. John White as my Christian mentor.  Later I’d studying Prayer at Regent College  with  Dr. James Houston.  I was blessed to know so many outstanding Christians doctors, researchers  and specialists.  My gifted mentor from  Louisiana  Dr. Hank Olivier was Anglican and had the greasts sense of humor.  My evangelist missionary Dr. Willie Gutowski stood strong in his convictions . Hope Alive founder Dr. Phillip Ney taught me the sanctity of life and celebrated children , even the unborn.    Pierre Trudeau and Molachae  pushed Abortion with the same zest that Justin Trudeau pushed euthanasia.  I am thankful that Christianity celebrates life and love. I have truly been blessed to know the Christians I have. 

I have had a blessed life even when I complained and didn’t see that a Loving God was in charge.  It was always me playing peek a boo with Jesus.  Jesus is always there , welcoming. The door handle was always on my side.  

I am thankful for today and the service of the veterans who fought for freedom and saved the world from tyranny.  I am thankful for St. Barnabus Anglican Church and our ministry.and congregation. 

Thank you God . Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit.  

Journal - Burnaby - Nov. 7, Saturday

I’m up and ready for a meeting but there’s no one there.  I think it must be the time , daylight saving or something.  I wait and see.  

Yesterday I tried to address the boat.  The property Dave has been on has been sold because the former owner died.  Dave has to move and so does the boat. I was going to pick it up and take it to storage but I could n’t get the bike hitch off. Dave couldn’t with a hammer either. So I’ll have to stop in at the shop that sold and installed it. 

I phoned Kelvin of Travco about the table.  I’ve not seen him much since I bought the Thor motorhome≥. Everything is on warranty.  Kelvin did a great job with my last fifth wheel and the Camper.  Traveland doesn’t do upholstery. I phoned Kelvin and he might.  It’s not his normal gig. I told him about the boat and then offered it to him so I he said he’d take it.  Now I’m seeing him this morning to transfer the trailer ownership.  One less variable and concern.  

Dave showed me around his neighbourhood where he’s been coming for 40 years.  He has a cabin there on the Pitt River and the views are magnificent. It was a rainy cold grey day reminiscneto of my Vancouver Island days. Very Emily Carr.  He had a dock and told me he was even water skiiing with his boat. His children and grandchildren love the cabin.  Madigan was in his element. I was surprised to find this eaten so like my deer hunting forest so close to the city.  Beautiful area. 

We drove on to Chilliwack where I met Henry’s beautiful intelligent wife Heidi.  He’s taken over the business from his father and is a truly admirable young man.  Such fine people. I’ve loved knowing them from storing my various RV’s and vehicles there.  This trip i got rid of anything that would attract mice as best I could.  It’s not rodent proof but has gone along way to having no obvious attarcatants except pillows.  I filled the back of the jeep with ‘stuff’.  What I had wanted i was glad to get.  The ships swords, the VHF radio, the emergency radio, the little fire, the medical kit, my Study Bible, and just a whole bunch of ‘stuff’.  I wass glad to get the back up cans of tuna and kippers as well as toilet paper and wipes. All of this is expensive so I felt like I’d collected a thousand in ‘stuff’ that’s here and won’t need to bought each weak.  Lotions and mosquito spray and fishing lures.  The Jeep was full and Madigan despite his rain coat and wanting to be in the car had time.  I was on task and drove home tired but glad to have done another major ‘task’.  

Home it was clean up and storage and trying to find a place for a dozen more dog food cans and more ibuprofen for instance. I’ve two laundry bags full to drop off at the launderer today.

It reeally was an ugly rainy coco drive yesterday.  I’m looking forward to heading south. Laura ais house sitting and looking forward to Palm Springs joining me.  The Winter expeditions. I enjoyed a patient characterizing me as an ‘adventurer’. That’s certainly coves the Gypsy would and love of learning.  I’ve travelled through the mind and spirit and physically. I’ve thought travel was as important with regards to the means and way as the destinations. I’m part of the Snow Bird world right night, what some desopribe as ‘van life’ or ‘just camper’s or ‘glampers’.  I love camping and I love this world. 

If I had a house again I’d like to set up my Hamm antenna.  I’d also have more gym options.  I’d grow herbs and such.  I’d cook more I believed and perhaps do wood work.  I’m limited here but it’s really mostly what I love to do.  I’m not making music as much as I used to.  Apart of that is increasing deafness and the sound through hearing aids.  I might improve my video converfencesi.  I miss my garage and mis my basement office. My first house is my favourite I would like a protected yard for the criticers. I’d have a cat. I always wanted a burro.  

This is pretty good.  I stopped at Western Canoe and Kayak in Abbotsford. I’ve been looking longingly at their shop each time I passed through. I bought my Clipper canoe from them which I truly adored., I’d white watered from youth in alumnus but loved that Kevlar . I keep trying to find a ‘boat’.  I’ve a car and bicycle but right now the only boat I will have is an inflatable heavy dinghy.  The staff who are always helpful introduced at WCK, themselves outdoor people and like the hunters and shooters at Intarnational Shooting Supplies Surrey or Italian Sports.  I like that people who work in the stores are themselves participants in the activity like the hikers at MEC. I suppose that makes sense since people are attracted to their passions.  Ryan Frith was terrific and sold me on this inflatable kayak fishing boat.  I seem to get some boat solution every few years. Tha last was the paddleboard which worked great until I fell down and couldn’t get put .  This is almost perfect. It will fit in the back of the Jeep but I’d like it better if folded up it could fit under my Thor and I’m not sure it would.  Alone it’s $1600 but the electri porpoulsion motor costs another $1500 but is truly skookum.  I figure I’m sold on it but obviously don’t need it today and can wait another pay cheque.  It’s only 40 carrying lbs and had a paddle and chair. I could mount a rod holder and rod and troll with room for Madigan .  I would like to boat on the Salton Sea this year and even fish .  There’s the rivers but Iworry about snakes this year.  I could get it in a couple of weeks. They told me they’d ship it to Vancouver and the total cost will likely be $5000 the way these things goe but then I’d have the boat.  I will continue to get joy in the spring.  

I’m resisting the impulse to buy of this boat. I’ve been looking at roof top boats on line for weeks 

Today is  a good day.  Thank you God. Such a change from the rain and storm and darkness of yesterday I’m still working around the collected stuff from the Camper but glad to have it.  The supplies were hundreds of dollars in dog cans, kippers and toilet paper and cleaners. I’m glad I’ve got them stored.

Thanks to Johnston Meyer Insurance Kelvin now has the boat and trailer. I spoke with Dave and that went well. I’ve dropped off the washing to be done from the Camper , 2 large loads to be picked up late Monday. 

I’ve taken Madigan to the little off leash dog park and he’s made claim to the park after 2 weeks of abstinces. He’s peed on everything.

I enjoyed the morning meeting.  Mack’s talking at the Potomac meeting and I hope to attend that on line,.

I’ve had kippers and toast for brunch adn will have venison sausage again tonight with baked potatoes.  Love the ease and enjoyment,

Madigan and I walking the park I’ve not been more energetic.  I may swim later. 

Thank you Jesus for this day and all your blessings.  

Journal - Friday - Nov. 6

It’s still dark.  All night it rained heavy.  This morning I’m waiting till there is more light. 

I will fetch my jeep and detach the bicycle rack locking it to the picnic table.   Then I’ll put on the ball hitch to tow the boat trailer. I ‘m picking that up from Dave’s and would like to take the boat to a wrecker or to Chilliwach storage and deal with it next year. 

I am thankful to God for this day , for Madigan and his health and wellness and enthusiasm. I’m thankful today that I’m well and my leg is continuing to heal. I’m thankful I paid my daily debt and am paying the bank for my Thor and Jeep. I am thankful for work. I am enjoying the patients andd their lives a personalities. 

I am asking you God for knowledge of you and your will for me.  I surrender.  I am seeing your guidance. I am listening for your wee small voice.  Help me to be a better person and to serve you more.  Guid me.

I’m ready for my next expedition adventure.  All the pieces are coming together.  I hope to visit the camper and ensure it’s good for the winter, mouse proofing and bringing back spices and the sword and the med kit.  I want to ensure there is no food to attack mice or buds.  I may have clothes to bring home too.  

I have gifted people venison sausage and feel good about that. I was able to send gifts to the nephews.  I like gifting.

Journal - Burnaby - Thursday

Thursday is my Friday.  The last day of work this week.  

I’m thankful for the morning.  Thank you God for the new moon. Thank you that Madison is well. He’s a sleepy dog in the morning.  We walked and he went back to sleep after his poop.  

I read that coconut oil reduces waist fat so I plan to change to coconut chocolate bars from hazelnut.

The green is lovely out the window.  It’s chilly though. Winter in the air.  I’m looking forward to heading south. Tomorrow dealing with the boat storage.  Vespa storage left. Next year I have more reduction planned.  Storage locker too.

Thank you God for my Thor and the electric heating. Thank you for propane and the propoane delivery today. Thank you for the barbecue.

Thank you for our relationship.  Creator.  Creation.  I would know you more deeply. I meditated and enter into the stillness and space. Quiet my mind.  Help me face the loneliness better.  I am born alone and die alone and yet you are with me always.  

Madigan and I had rotisserie chicken from Choices .  I shop on way home from my meeting for this treat which he so enjoys.  A change from garlic venison sausage:) 

All is well. All is well.  All manner of things are well.

God is good all of the time.  Phillips - Your God is too small.  Hail Mary pray for us sinners now and in the hour of our death.

I’ve been thinking of death with aging. It affects the daily mood of aging.  Ernst Becker’s Denial of Death the all time classic.  I don’t know when I’ll die. I don’t want to be impaled or crucified.  Long grueling deaths which were tortured in anxient times now are prolongation of life and allopathic cures at time. Life is suffering unto death.  I have aches and pains to day but if I was enlightened I’d ignore them and focus on the positives.  My eyes are better today.  My mind defines the sensations.  They are only sensation as the Buddhists would say.  Desire is the root of all suffering .  I desire more money and financial freedom but I’ve been much poorer and much richer at different times in my life. The critical ingredient is my attitude and joy.

Elkhart Tolle.  Power of Now.  Brother Lawrence - living in the present.  Being in the solution rather than the past the catch phrase.

Republicans losses this mid term with democrats gains .  I could worry and politically see the rise of Islam and Communist China as all negative like the WEF and their pseudo science ‘climate computer model’ trillion dollar industry of fear.,  I am hoping for the Mars Expedition.  

Please God guide me to be a better person.  Help me address my character defects. Help me be more positive and less critical and negative.  Thank you Lord for this day.

Journal - Burnaby -November

I enjoyed Laura visitting.  Madison loves her visits.  She brings him toys and spoils him.  I had bought her steak and she shared that with Madigan while I continue to enjoy smoked venison sausage from Valley Sausage butcher.  It’s garlic sausage so Madison can’t share which is why Laura and he had the steak. She says she only like ‘Safeway’ food.  

I’ve enjoyed gifting Mack, Peter annd Larry,   Gary and Mary Lou. My laundry lady got a couple of sausages because she was so kind cleaning all my bloody clothes. 

Tonight I’ll take some to the Men’s meeting and give to George. I enjoyed Kevin saying how he liked shooting a moose and deer this year as he was able to gift.  I contacted US custom’s and it’s okay for me to have venison on board when I go south. But I’ve overflowing freezers so can ‘justify’ sharing a little. I always have even though it’s such work to acquire.  I used to share with the Urban Native Ministry and took a container of moose stew to a men’s group for Christmas potlach.

I enjoyed a trip to Dr Ready. With weather changing for autumn I’m feeling it.  I enjoyed my on line MD2 meeting and have to return call to Mack.  He’s a great guy and I enjoy his comments and have learned he’s a hunter as well as a biker.  Dicks a hunter too and congratulated me on my harvest when I shared I’d shot a mule deer. 

It’s really the ‘event’ in my life. I continue to work and prepare for the expedition south. I follow the great nephew Halloween costumes and outings on the Big Family message board.  Such fun

That was the Halloween event, seeing other kids and their costumes.  I used to dress in black lingerie as a witchy character from Rocky Horror Picture show.  Now I don’t like to drive at night and am glad to be watching Shelter and Mutiny movies with Jason Stratham.

I did enjoy buying Laura some red slippers when I drove over to pick up the mail. I enjoyed paying taxes and having money come so I could gift family. It’s an annual thing and I’ve addressed the banking needs.  We are all paying taxes half the year and then late fall it seems like there’s money. Good as I go south and Christmas costs come.  

I’ve been notified that the flu and covid shot is available for me but I’m uncertain given Fauci’s refusal to respond to Congress.  The WEF desire for less people and Schwab wanting to bill for Oxygen and the abuse of MAID especially for mentally ill around the world is a bit scary.  I don’t trust the Liberals or Carney and am concerned about the migration of Islam and the persecution of Christian’s around the world. The American Midterms was good for democrats.

I don’t know what to make of media. I once thought I could sort matters out but I don’t even know is Carney is doing okay or bad because we no longer have freedom of press. I’m focusing on day to day activity and admit that there seems to be a war of Christians against the Aetheists and Radical Muslims.  Carney had been fear mongering outrageously after decades of the ‘skies falling’ by the Climate pseudoscience computer programs , garbage in garbage out crowd.  Meanwhile other than the high cost of food and inflation and economics issues and apparently even poorer government than usual the world is not too bad for me. I’m paying my bills getting by, not getting out of debt but not getting further in debt.  I’ve also stopped gaining weight and am turning that back slowly.  I am thankful I can exercise more.

Aging isn’t for the young. 

I have to make a trip to the camper and storage locker and talk to Dave about the boat going to storage

I ptsy all the time asking for direct contact, and power to carry out god’s will. Thy will be done not my will.  I have been thinking about heaven and the nature of heaven. In our father who art in heaven God is in heaven and his kingdom is to come.  It’s an inside job and I struggle with the perception of ‘inside’ knowing that all is ‘god and I’m inside God but the dimensions emotionally are lost in my head. My ego or thinking doesn’t reflect the ‘joy’ of knowing Jesus Christ but I do and I am moved with gratitude.  Then I have pain waking in the morning but am thankful to feel my little dog back ing up against me and enjoying sharing a bed with Laura.  I’m also thinking of my coming expedition south and the loneliness I experience at times, not much, but it’s still there. Intellectually I know there’s only God and me but I like the intermediate is.

I enjoyed church on Sunday with the new Curate Mathew giving a sermon.  He’s young and practical. I’m feeling old and seeing more and more old people.  I’d like to live to 100 but want quality as well and there’s hope of that.  I serve and have purpose but there’s sometimes a sense of being in the waiting room.  I’m certainly grateful.

Thank you God for the colours, the travel and the groups and friends, the hunt and full freezer and functional vehicles.