Sunshine Valley RV Resort - Gratitude

Thank you God for this day. Thank you for my sobriety. I am so grateful to have celebrated 28 years with my cake at Burnaby Men’s Fellowship. Marty was so gracious and kind presenting it to be and handing on the 28 years medallion key chain that George passed on.  Manny was so inspiring too with his sharing on his taking 6 years.  It was a fabulous evening,  Fellowship. Camaraderie.  Celebration.  So many young guys from the local treatment centres beginning the journey of rccovery.  I’m so thankful I began and stayed the course.  Thanks to you God.  You are the first principle.  I am your imagination Thy will not my will be done.

I’m am your creation. You are the creator.  CS Lewis says ‘stop looking for God in the wall’.  I was looking down and seeking salvation, nirvana, Samadhi in the ‘spirits’.  Carl Jung said.  ‘Spiritus contra spiritus’

It was so exciting and challenging to pack up stow and get on the road.  The Thor Motorhome has a huge slide that opens the whole drive side of the home.  The first step is to take in the awning on the passenger side and the slide on the driver’s side,  I have to ensure there are no socks or shoes that impede the travel of the slide inward. Once that is done I have to retract the jacks with the automatic switch by the drivers window Madigan was disconcerted by the slide coming in , Then he was even more shocked by the rocking and groaning of the jacks coming down.  It felt like a camel settling to the ground.  

Laura arrived when I had the hose disconnected and was mostly stowed, I had to find room in the underneath bins or cupboards to stow all the daily ‘things’ of existence, I have too much clothing. I have too many pots. I have too many old bathrooms ‘stuff’. I have too many duplicates. But it all got done. All that was needed when Laura arrived was for the Star Link to be dismantled and electrical cord disconnected.  

With her managing Madigan and an extra co pilot eyes I pulled out of the Burnaby site and made it to the highway.  The bus is longer and huge,  I’m learning the experience of driving this machine and the sounds and feeling of it.  It’s all so challenging yet we kept going.  On the highway every bump seemed an event.  Changing lanes, slowing and stopping, all felt new and tense,  The false smoke alarm was a challenge indeed.  We pulled over at the RV rest site only to find it full of squatters and fearful we’d not have room to pass through but we did.

I was inwardly praying the whole way and more so here.  And then we were on the road again. It’s a clunky drive. It’s a big machine. I’m used to motorcycles and sports cars and remember the same experience when I bought the F350 truck.  Now this is that plus .  Yet we did it.

Laura was such a comfort.  Just the presence of another is reassuring.  We are not lone creatures. We thrive together.  I like company.  

Sunshine Valley RV Resort was such a welcoming site. The staff were wonderful. We now have this love flat space with lots of fellow RV folk about.  In minutes I was leveled and had the slide out and the water and electricity hooked up.  I unloaded the barbecue and propane tank. It turns out there’s a propane barbecue connector so Idon’t need to take an extra tank. More room I have an out door kitchen,  I had the lawn chair and canvas rocking chair out. Laura had brought the electric bike charger I ordered on Amazon.  I had the bike off the rack at the back and plugged in a charging.  

That was Friday.  We’d left at noon and were here at three taking an hour lonnger because of the traffic jam at Langley.  I was exhausted but loved the experience. Success after success.  And glory. What a glorious place outdoors,  Out of the city.  It was a cloudy day but we were in the country and it felt so good and my home with all my amenities were with me. I am so thankful.  Laura was as pleased and said show. Madigan was a little kangaroo jumping all over and enjoying being taken for walks and sniffs and piddles

Life is good

I love the Thor Hurricane.  I love the elegance and luxury and convenience.  

We watched Blue Bloods after heating beef pot pies.  There’s the dinette table for sit down meals Then there’s the couch.   I like lining down to watch tv. Laura likes sitting up.  Madigan likes going from one of us to the other to bug us.  We had cashews and wild cherries.

What a great Friday night

Saturday I had my international AA meeting at 8 am on zoom and so enjoyed seeing my fellow doctors with a new design for living.  I shared that I was 28 years and Terry put up his digital 28 year cake.  I’m really grateful.

I made Laura and me bacon sandwiches on toast,  I’ve a smaller coffee bean grinder so I’m still having Ethiopian coffee with honey and milk. Laura took Madigan for a walk and he pooped He always seems to poop on his morning walks with her.  Gifts for his momma love.   I went to the hotsprings and pool first thing in the morning. There were only a few people there.  I felt really good about showing self care to my back which has been so stiff recently. Since the jets on the hot tub in Burnaby died I’ve not been going to the pool so much.  Just and excuse.  I was swimming twice a week 10 laps but with summer the kids come.  So I swam here and felt the unused muscles and joints.  Creaking.  Aging.  It was good.  I’ve been walking more. In the afternoon the bike was charged and I was able to to ride about the nearby townsite for a half hour. It does 28 km an hour without pedaling but with pedaling I can go a bit faster. I enjoy the power assist and was again most impressed with the Motorino Folding 4electric bike.  What fun!  

Laura and I had a long walk with Madigan.  I showed her the Japanese museum for the WWII internment camp where they moved Japanese families inland away from the hundreds miles of coast.  It’s developing just fine there.  Tasteful and thoughtful.  Later I saw that they were set up by the big barn like structure with a band and food outlets. They’ve now got weekly music events.  Later we heard the sound of rock and roll in the evening.

I barbecued the most delicious New York Strip steaks which we all enjoyed.  Madigan is the most spoiled under the table dog.  He gets a third of Laura and my steaks. We had potatoes salad and garlic toast.  

Another couple of episodes of Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck.  The sun had come out and the sunset was lovely.  

I actually had another bout in the hot tubs and a shower and lay on the couch reading a western for an hour or so.

It was that kind of vacation day.  Idyllic, In this amazing machine with the most beautiful kind and intelligent companion and the crazy dog,  Another walk and tv and then bed,  The sky vent in the bed opens so we had fresh night air.  

I am so thankful God.  I really am thankful,  This is one of those truly blessed gifts that come from working and the contrast and the fulfillment of service and contribution and a touch of hedonist R&R.  Away from the wars with loved ones feeling that special break and sense of reward.  Rest.  Peace.  Comfort.  

I’m so thankful that Scotia Bank and Traveland helped arrange for me to have this wonderful machine , this possibility of home on wheels, I’ve been escaping to the country most every weekend or holiday I have had and since I had my sailboat I’m finally again in the right machine for being in town and getting away on the weekend.  I feel especially blessed.  This really is heaven on earth. BC is truly God’s country.  

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God.  Thank you Holy Spirit.

I’ve woken this morning from a great sleep.  There was a gorgeous angel in bed beside me protected by a crazy neurotic pups wagging his tail and growling, eyes all enthusiastic. I have sat and prayed and given thanks and even had my first coffee. It’s a sunny day. Bright and green and blue sky.  Heaven on earth.  Thank you God.  Thank you Omnipotent, Omniprsent , Omnipotential, Loving God.  

  

Sunshine Valley and Thor Hurricane Class A Motorhome

I am so grateful for this Thor Hurricane the Class A Motorhome I bought from Traveland RV Dealer with the help of Scotia Bank.  I have the money but if I take it out the government will take it and Scotia Bank would rather loan me some of the cost so we both benefit.  Everyone benefits and I benefit the most.  

I must confess I traded in my 40 foot fitth wheel Toyhauler, a truly fine machine. I had it for seven years but it was too big for me to tow.  I was quite terrified with it despite my comfort with my Ford F350 truck and Camper and towing the RV’s I’d had before. It was just too big for me and instead of being what I wanted it became a mobile home. When I went camping I took the truck and camper.  

Driving the Thor Hurricane home with Laura that first day was so exciting.  I could do it. It was a challenge but after getting a trial ride around from Traveland the drive home with Laura and Madigan, the cockapoo was thrilling.

Laura has been camping with me a quarter century.  I began camping with my Dad and Mom and Brother in an army surplus’s canvas wooden poled tent.  In my 20’s I’d tent bicycling across Europe or white water canoeing in northern Canada. I even camped with just a sleeping bag hiking the west coast trail and the sierra mountains under the glorious canopy of the Milky Way.  Laura joined me tenting. We rode on the back of my motorcycle all over British Columbia summer  sleeping out in a pup tent at night.  She’s been with me as we graduated from tent to truck tent to little RV, camper, and now the ultimate Thor Hurricane,  My parents did the same transition form tenting to Class A Motorhome and loved all the friends they made in the Good Sam Club.

Yesterday we drove out of Vancouver and through the construction and delays in Langley on through the heavy traffic that persisted till Abbostford.  After Abbotdford the smoke alarm sounded and I tried to stop in the RV rest area only to find it was overtaken with squatters.  With alarms screaming I threaded my way through what seemed more like the Downtown East Side than beautiful BC.  For a moment I was infuriated at the outrageous taxes we pay our government and their incompetence dealing with immigration, housing and homelessness.  Thankfully I got through the slum and parked on the side of the highway.  It was just the heat or dying battery in the alarm.  I pressed a button and on came the air conditioning.  There but for the grace of God go I I thought looking back at the RV stop, a resource developed for those of us who use the roads and pay the taxes and work.  I don’t begrudge the squatters so much as authorities for not maintaining law and order.  In the US there are magazines for those who want to boon dock,  Canada has similiar wilderness.  These people could be redirected to alternative places and those who stay over 24 hours in these services areas could be fined or moved along.  Of course this is wrong and the situations that cause this are wrong and the government is the problem but I’m growing spiritually.  

As a doctor, wise in acceptance  said, I can find a speck of dirt on a white canvas wall and think of nothing else and if you don’t see it as the problem then its an even bigger problems.  So there I was back on the road looking out the increasingly usage window at the glorious scenery thinking how silly I am.  The alarm was nothing.  Everything was okay and very quickly I was driving through Chilliwack and past Hope seating beside the most beautiful woman in the world with the greatest little crazy dog seeing the most incredible mountains on the way to Sunshine Valley.

It was raining but so what. I was in heaven and arriving here I was ecstatic. I’d not had an accident. We’d not broken down.  Everything had goon so well. 

Now we are parked in the pretties little civilized RV park with mountains and clouds hanging in the snow covered peaks.  It’s taken no time to pack up and we have our home with all the amenities here.  i made us Beef Pies heated in the microwave and we watched Blue Bloods on TV feeding the dog half a bin of Hagen Daz ice cream before we got his tick pill he kept spitting out into him..  

Then it was the sleep of saints,  Laura is the most incredible companion to sleep with despite the crazy dog bouncing about between us.  Now I’ve woken to a new day in the country.

Thank you Jesus.  God is good all of the time.  This is truly heaven on earth.  

Monday, Princeton

Monday morning. I’m still on top of the mountains. The industrial sounds of the mine began in the distance.  I’d thought to spend the week but decided to return. ,I didn’t even know if the camper and quad would be ready for me to go Friday.  As they were I headed out. Madigan and I had a blast riding around the back woods on the quad. I must have seen a dozen or more grouse but shot 5,  

I missed a half dozen rabbits only getting a shot at a couple.  What a circus that was.  I was using the new Siberian 223 semi auto but both times I didn’t get the clip in right.  The rabbits got bored with me fiddling with the rifle. I thought I’d sorted it out at the range but not quite.  When I finally had the magazine seated the first time it still misfired because I didn’t feed a cartridge into the chamber correctly.  The second time I got the clip in correctly and had a shell in the chamber but couldn’t find the target in the new. Scope.. When I finally took the shot, I missed but couldn’t take advantage of the semi automatic because Madigan burst off the quad and gave chase,  With the shotgun and grouse he’d waited till the release command but he could see the rabbit and the Siberian made a different louder noise.  Back on the quad he was leashed in again. More training . But We had fun.  

My RV storage place isn’t open on Sunday so I normally take Monday off to return the Camper and quad and trailer.  Because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get away I was booked at the office. I’m going to work virtual for the morning I have the Starlink working fine and being on top of the mountain have good enough cellular coverage. I had even thought of working the week and going back next weekend but for the Starlink I have to run the generator.  The quad takes a few gallons a day driving around the backwoods.  I don’t have enough fuel. My water supply is low too. I took a shower.  I have a toothache from a broken filling and would like to get into see the dentist.  I already miss civilization.

It’s also 4 points season. I’ve never seen a 4 point in the woods in hunting season.  Of the 30 or so deer I’ve shot almost all have been spike or two points, and one three point.  Izek shot a three point this weekend. 

Kevin had called to tell me they were camping and hunting in the valley. They were where I was bow hunting last weekend.  I’d decided as it was dark and raining I’d come here where I knew I could camp not too far off the paved road.  Alex shot a bear too.  Im happy with the grouse.  I just love watching Madigan retrieve them.  The valley is where the game still are.

I shot two grouse out of three.  Madigaan is a one grouse dog. He heads straight for the movement and then kills the still living Big Bird if it’s wounded.  I worry about him but he’s all in it. A true bird dog.  Then he comes right back waddling with the grouse in his mouth.  

He couldn’t comprehend the idea that I’d shot two and wasn’t willing to leave the one I’d taken and put in a bag on the quad.  With a whole lot of encouragement he went down the hill to where I’d seen the second grouse drop in a wood pile. Sure enough once he was down there he found the grouse and slayed it in an epic battle dodging the wounded grouse’s beak like it was a cobra snake. I wouldn’t want to be a partridge faced with a cockapoo. I realized later that my last cockapoo Gilbert would avoid the head by biting the birds butt. .  I didn’t know why at first. Now seeing Madigan face off with the partridge beak I realize it’s an epic battle. This time he literally bit the head off and grabbed the bird by the belly and brought it back.  

I imagine cats also have these tooth and claw episodes with their prey. I remember my bigger dog Shinto, cross Irish Setter and Springer spaniel would hold the bird down with his paw and bite the throat.

Mostly the bird is dead from the shot. I ran out of number 6 pellet for the 20 guage and shot these with the too light number 8 target load . I actually hit a couple of birds on the fly but the pellets just bounced off and the bird flew to safety.

Gilbert my last cockapoo would only fetch rarely. He’d find the bird and lead me to it. He’d also look to flush more birds and go with me to collect the kills.  Shinto, my really trained hunting dog I put a lot o time in hunting with , would actually flush as many as he could for me to shoot, actually chasing them and getting them to fly for the me to take the perfect shot.  We were a team. He’ also fetch all the birds and one after another bring them to the road where he’d drop them and go back and get another.  He’d even lead me to the tree where a bird had flown away too. I suspect he followed the cooing having watched the flight path when it got away.  I followed him a half mile through the woods on occasion to get a bird in a tree.  I shot a whole lot of grouse with him.  

I shot a lot or grouse with Gilbert too. He was the favourite dog when three of us went hunting and he flushed a whole lot of birds way up north,’

Madigan is learning, He’s at the stage where he dropped the first bird and when I coaxed him to get the seecond he brought it but wouldn’t let go of the bird. I could see his little mind going, “I brought you yours . Now this one is mine.”  

We have 5 grouse.  I’ll dice them at home, fry them in butter with some lemon or orange and honey and serve on rice. He’ll get a share.  Last night we had barbecued pork chops.  Madigan’s a good little dog.  

Time to get ready for work and the trip home.  I’m looking forward to the luxury and comfort of home.  

I enjoyed the old gods of England in Dirk Slattery’s Wholistic Detective Agency, the series Adams had written after the Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy.  I liked that Thor had given up sleeping out and had moved into a nursing home for the clean sheets and meals and starched uniform nurse caretakers.  I’m getting older and even having the quad and camper is a major effort.  

Kevin and Anna, Izek, Kendra, Alex, Billy and Bobby were tenting.  They set up at night in the rain and dark then hiked into a blind at dawn.  I used to always be set in ambush pre dawn. Now I’m afraid to walk off trail through the bush not wanting to slip and fall and break something. If I am to shoot something I have to be able to get it to a road with minimum effort. Gone are the days I carried a deer down the mountain on my shoulders .  

My old friend Bill Mewhort  was the master of ambush. A great hunter.  He used to say novice hunters only saw game when they took a shit because that was the time they weren’t moving and might make the least noise.  My dad was a great one for stalking.  He loved walkin along deer trails in the back woods.  They both stopped hunting younger than I am. They continued fishing years after. I’m wondering when I might go that way.  

I’m a road hunter today.  I think there should be a law against road hunting.  Only us guys over 65 should be allowed to use vehicles but even young I’d road hunt grouse.  With Dad and my brother Ron we’d drive the old truck down the trails to find the prairie chickens.  They’d fly up and we’d get out with the dog and hunt them on foot knowing where the covey was.  It still is a lot of exercise .  Madigan and I still like the guarding and grouse hunting experience. The grouse sure tastes good when I cook it up or barbecue it.

What a weekend!  Time to get back to work and back to the city.  

Lillouette Forest Service Road Campground ,Pemberton

I’m waiting for the water to boil for tea. The trip back on the quad became cold. I’d taken off my jacket on the way out.  I’m glad Madigan has his coat and hasn’t been groomed. I ve felt him shivering a couple of times when I’ve been driving the quad too fast. He warms up immediately when I let him off and he runs about furiously. I expect he thinks we’re looking for grouse. He’s never been with me when I’ve shot a bear.  This trip we’ve seen a couple of grouse, a coyote and a dear.  I’m looking for black bear and cotton tails.  

It was a Herculean task getting out to the camper and loading it and driving up here. I was really tired. Even the truck said I should pull over and have a coffee. I did and that was better.  I drank lots of coffee and energy drinks to get here. 

It was a bit of nostalgia lane coming here. I remember when I camped in the tent by the river, saw the bear climbed the mountain and watched the deer coming up.  Then there was Meager Creek Hotsprings to top off a morning grouse hunt. I didn’t shoot deer here but I shot a lot of grouse and loved the hot springs .Especailly loved the porn stars coming and everyone becoming a lobster because no one wanted to leave before them.  We all looked so scrawny.  The hippie hotspring sorts and me the hunter.  I don’t know if they were porn stars but the men were hung like donkeys and the women voluptuous.  I just like the story.  It was always a great time camping and I took selfies with my self timer.  The purple thong in all the cammo shots.  

When the Meager Creek Bridge went out I stopped coming up here.  I moved my hunting to the north and east.  Laura and I came up and we had a moose running along with us. Then we had the tent in the truck and she was anxious about grizzly. I’d told her there weren’t any only to have the big sign warning about grizzly.  I decided too I didn’t like the steepness of this place. I’d climbed these mountains before dawn and waited up high only to think there was just too much perpendicular.  

Now I’m back and it’s a bit chilly being so high in the mountains. I left Vancouver and it was hot.  This is exercise and good to be out of the city. Madigan is having the time of his life.  Off leash at the campsite and riding about on the quad.  He’s a character.  

I had Starlink last night but today it’s not connected. I’ve had the generator and charged my iPads and iPhone. I couldn’t find the satellite phone and brought the Garmin but other than having it for an SOS I’ve not figured out how to put in contacts.  

I didn’t sleep well last night with all the energy drinks and coffee but I did dream of bear.

Kevin and Anna and the God kids were behind me on the way up getting to Pemberton just after me. That’s when I lost them. I was really wanting to get set up before dark and while I could still concentrate. A long day.  They didn’t make it to this campsite. I looked for them on the quad last night. Then this morning I asked some native campers if they’d seen the family of 5 children.

« You must be Dr. Hay.  They told us to look out for you describing the quad and dog.  They said they were going to Gold bridge for the day but would be back at the campsite at night.

I’m glad . I bought way too much food along with watermelons and more meat and I really want to pass it on. I’d already bought 9 steaks which I’d left for Anna saying I’d like a steak dinner cooked for me. I’ve been cooking all my own meals and tiring of the barbecue routine coupled with either pizza, chinese or barbecue chicken.  I really wanted a home cooked meal done by someone else. I was spoiled by my neighbours chicken noodle soup.  I miss Laura’s elk hash which was to die for.  Now I’m enjoyin cold cuts.  Montreal smoked meat and angus beef with mustard and Cobbs bread has been the latest fad.

The tea is great.  

When I met up with the Bustards, they’d shot a black bear. They were heading home in the morning. I decided to come back on the Duffy Lake Road through Lilooette. I stayed a night in Telte Yet campground in Hope before dropping off my camper and trailer in Chilliwack. What a weekend for adventure and views. A lot of exercise and definitely a break from routine.

Sunshine Valley

I love the civilization of Sunshine Valley RV park.  It’s so well run.  Pools and hot tubs.  Best quadding and enduro biking near Vancouver. 

When the trail I’d planned to take in Boston Bar was covered in boulders from an avalanche I decided to head down to Hope.  I first tried the Silver Lake Skagit area off the Flood Hope Road. It really looked like prime hear country and lots of quadding trails and logging roads .  The initial stretch was a bit scarey with all manner of ruined RV. This was either an old RV tent town or a place where people left their Rv’s for junk.  Not my kind of place.  Too post apocalypse.  It was a whole lot nicer down by Silver Lake.  Unfortunately the camp grounds in the area are still closed.  I almost stayed on the side of the road near there.  I could have but it was raining and muddy and I thought I’d rather be spoiled here with electricity and water and waste disposal.  I might use the hot tub later.

Madigan and I set up quickly.  The Starlink worked here.  There’d been too many trees last night so I was pleased to see that the Starlink was fine. I watched the latest episode of Startrek Discovery.  Michael et al.  Not at all James Kirk or Picard but futuristic relationships if a bit too much soap opera talk.  I can’t fault a Star Trek. They’re as holy as OO7.  I keep hoping for another Pink P:anther.  

It was sunny then so after watching one episode I unloaded the quad and piled on the guns.  My Ruger 3006 and the Winchester Model 70 300.  It was great riding out on the quad along the river. Beautiful views.  Serenity.  I’d enjoyed my Honda Rancher up in Boston Bar till the trail was obstructed.  There was more likelihood of bear up there but this was truly picturesque. I’ve come here a few times and in the summer and fall it’s grand central station for quads.  Can’t imagine any game in that mad world.  Fun quadding though.

Now I just enjoyed the serenity.  Only a few people here.  Didn’t meet another quad.  I loved that when I put up my target at 100 yards I hit the bulls eye first shot. I’d shot a couple of times at a can and missed that so expect that warmed up the barrel.  The target was the size of bears head at a hundred yards so I figured I’d be good for a heart or head shot at lesss than that.  The Ruger is always on and I put two shots side by side on the target. I’d decided I want to you the Coyote Light if I did see a bear.  Madigan had a great time running about off leash.  He loves riding on the quad.  Further on though it began to snow. The trail became packed with snow I figured I needed an transformer snowmobile quad.  I turned around .  It was a good outing.  

Now I’m boiling potatoes and about to barbecue steaks for the great hunting dog and me.  I felt good knowing that Kevin and Anna have told me they would come out and help me if I shot something and couldn’t get it out.  I’m not as well balanced on my feet as I was in the day when I was called ‚billygoat. It’s the slippery logs that get me and my reduced stamina. Kevin was nice saying he didn’t know many guys still big game hunting at my age.  I took that as a compliment.  He’s hiking miles in the woods with his children but I’m pretty much a quad hunter now. I do some walking and am trying to build it up.  I can walk fine on flats but the slippery uneven of bush scares me now. I just wouldn’t want to sprain or break anything .   Funny that considering I used to run down the sides of mountains carrying deer over my shoulders.  Not any more.  Today was just great as it was.

I am grateful that Madigan and I are safe and can still enjoy the hunt.  

Struggle

Recently I’ve found the word struggle is the underlying theme of my life of work, love and play.  I don’t think it’s helpful.  It’s like ‘enduring’. I’m ‘enduring my life’.  I would much rather be dancing through life, sailing through life, exploring, treasure hunting, adventuring.

My life is very good right now.  Spring has arrived, my Truck camper has returned. I’ve had a splendid weekend disconnected from the grid, cooking, eating, sleeping and reading.  I’ve been with Laura who is a gem and the nutbar dog Madigan a terror in her company.  It’s been domestic.  Like the lives the men described who returned from the ‘front’, those sailors who on leave returned to their farms which competent wives ran.  The pressure was off. I enjoyed the weekend.  I imagined that this sense of contentment was somewhere in the future in some assisted living place.  Aging was not necessarily lonely and a struggle with fear of being robbed but rather it could go easy.  I long for easy.  Despite the idea that the ‘easier, softer way, “ lacks the stoic romance of the fellow ‘strugglers’.  Vigilance I can contend with. I really feel I must pay attention.  The threats are ever there. I don’t feel protected in an AI way but rathe than I’m walking along with my hand held by Jesus. I will not be alone but I will still face challenges.

Challenge is a better word than struggle.  I had visions younger. I had goals and drives and bridges to cross and mountains to climb.  I see my friends with children and grandchildren being uplifted by their own presence in the future. I’m without children and it tells. I am feeling time running out and that there are children carrying on but I don’t feel the obligation or duty of a parent.  I’m an accessory , not necessary.  

I do good work but it’s waning.  My wisdom increases but my reach has decreased. Looking back I see that the gp I was could have been contented and I could have have saved myself the ‘struggle’ of four more years of double specialty and sub speciality as well as special interest in trauma and head injury. I could have avoided forensics but I was curious. The challenge of understanding mental illness not only for the communication with the patient but as their advocate was a whole other domain of learning. I remember liking teaching but am glad I avoided that in this world of stupid folk being ‘offended’, the euphemism of blame.  I am at a time where I’m reducing my sense of accountability and responsibility.  I felt so so long it was all on me and I had to achieve the desired goal.  I stopped the hallucinations, I stopped the suicide. It’s as my fault and my job.  I was the little boy holding him thumb in the hole in the dike.  But now I’m increasingly self centred. The thought of dying does that.

I’m caring for myself.  Speaking with a friend they were surprised I was taking lunch breaks as they remembered me working always through lunch, late into the evening, leaving the office or hospital past seven and being at work in the weekends. With the governments all out attack on the middle class, taxation and condemnation, I don’t know it gained me at all personally to work so hard and diligently. My tax dollars went to criminals and tyrants.  What little was left over I paid dearly in health.

But I sailed. I danced. I loved. I muddled on with naivity and foolishness. I had high ideals and literally would work harder when abused.  I was always believing it was my ‘duty’ and that I had somehow failed. Now I’m more ready to think it’s not the ‘fit’ or yes ‘I’ve failed’. Can we move on. The cost and waste of the institutions of blame and money are long overdue for reconstruction. I was told I had to perfect and if I wasn’t the evidence was right there.  Those other places were human constructs with lots of psychological abuse but not the death and disease that attested to errors in the emergency room. I’m glad I’ve done so little damage with the trials errors of treatment in the most difficult of patients.

Working in addiction I was forever playing poker with brains full of chemicals in various states of excitation and withdrawal giving medication to people who lied routinely about what they were already on often themselves not knowing. I never knew their hands and yet played mine the best I could with surprising success knowing the casino always wins in the end. I ‘ve sevens a whole lot of death and disease but didn’t cause it directly myself.  

Sins of omission came to fascinated me, covert and passive aggression, negligence and fate.  I still wonder about the balance and how effort and prayer can ever so slightly alter trajectories.  So many variables.  Good intentions are all to so many but I specialized in outcome analysis.  Now I’m more likely to follow protocols and do as I’m told because the punishment for doing the ‘right’ thing as opposed to what the authorities say is the ‘right’ thing is too overwhelming. I sacrificed so much for patients and others. Today I’m doing my bit. I’m not a hero. I’ve surrendered and at best am cleaning up.

If I was independently wealthy I’d probably just travel and write, play guitar more, maybe play chess. I’m paying for the travel aids I think I need ideally, outfitting for retirement but I have all I need right now. I’m ready to slip away. I’ve not cured cancer and there doesn’t seem time left for me to even write the great Canadian novel or reach Samadi or find Nirvana or levitate, or even get a spot on the mars flight or rule the world. I’ve lesser desires.  I’d like to again lie in the sun and day dream. I did this weekend, put out the lawn chairs and make a fire with split logs and sit enjoying the wind wafting the wood smoke my way.  I moved my chair to the right place so I only had wisps of smoke, just enough to bring back memories of Blue Lake, Minaki, family, Boy Scouts, Camp Steven’s,  Church campus and later hippies. It really was just nostalgia. Memories of youth. Skinny dipping with beautiful girls or later lying under the full moon.  The conditions had to be just right. A marvellous confluence. When bugs were not present so that love making on a beach or a mountain side or in a tent was idyllic.  There have been countless moments of wonder and grace. I too often forget them as my mind today is drawn to the ‘struggle’s. 

I’m the proverbial old general replaying the battles but it’s all just been water under the bridge with eddys and rapids.  We’ll floating with the stream. It’s a good feeling. 

Cogburn Wilderness Camp< Harrison Lake

It’s truly lovely here. I have the Adventurer Camper on my Ford F-350. The ride up Harrison East was daunting after I hit a pot hole last trip doing damage to the camper corner and breaking the actual bar that holds the camper down on the truck bed  The bar fell off on the road through Rosedale. I stopped and a couple of young girl stopped and offered to drive their car back to where they saw it fall off and picked it up for me,

“It was just a mile back, I saw it come off,” said another young fellow who stopped.  I’d had to wait till a safe place to pull over and  put on the flashers. Before heading up Harrison East I attached a tie down cord.  It was better than nothing. I was pulling the trailer and ATV.  Nice people,  Reassuring young people stopping and offering help.

The Cogburn Camp owner said they officially closed the week before but could take me as it was clear I wasn’t there to party. 

“We brought in a damage deposit and that stopped the loud partying set coming here.  My wife and I like the folk who like it here for the quiet and beauty.” He was a pleasant fellow. A bit like Hawkeye from MASH.  Tall, lean, blue jeans, clear eyes. 

“I thought I’d like to go for swim if it’s not too cold,” I said.

“There’s a dock with a chair on it and the beach stretches forever around the way,” He suggested a spot close to the beach.

I took the spot right away. There were only a few RV’s and I loved the isolation,

I set up the camper and unloaded the ATV. It was 6 pm when I headed back up to the logging road.  I didn’t see any deer but I saw 4 separate grouse. The first two flew up way ahead of me. I shot at the next two and was sure I hit one but it flew away into the forest.  Madigan was excited by all this action. I concluded I was using 7 1/2 shot. Good for grouse when you can walk up closer but I switched out my pocket for number 5. If I’d had #5 or #6 I’m sure I would have brought that one down. The ATV scares them when I’m further away.  It was already dusk after the last one got away. I headed back down..  I’d made it here and set up and actually got in a bit of the evening hunt,

I unloaded the guns and stripped off the hunting clothes. My jeans with a belt load of knives and ammo weigh a ton. Good to lighten up.  Next in my bathing suit wearing teva’s I walked along to the beach then waded way out in the cold water. The sky was beautiful.  The Big Dipper and Cassopeaa.  Mountain all around. The lake beautiful. I’d accommodated to the cold when I finally dove in and swam a bit, enjoying floating  on my back looking up at the endless sky of galaxies 

I’d left Madigan in the camper and he was really glad when I returned.   I boiled up some smokies. I had cole slaw and potato salad from the deli, fresh white buns.  A delicious meal. Madigan liked half a Smokey. He prefers steak.

I couldn’t put down Tanis Laidlaw’s, Tuesday Child, a mystery thriller, only able to fall asleep when I finished it after midnight.  Worried about the power and batteries I didn’t put on the heater but didn’t need it. It was warm.  I got up once to look outside. I just love the air and the lake and the mountains all around, the stars and nearly full moon. Awe inspiring,

I didn’t get a before drawn start. I made expresso and filled a thermos.  I had left the Honda 420 Rancher pretty well loaded. It was 730 when I headed out It was a blue sky day, I loved the early morning calm, the ATV chugging up the mountain trail. No grouse but great slash. I parked the quad, taking only my Ruger 30:06 stalking  up the trail off the logging road.  I could imagine bucks and bear but despite slowly walking uphill for an hour stopping and scoping nothing appeared. 

Madigan who loves the ATV loved this mountain hike.  A couple of hours of exercise and I turned around , glad to get back to the Honda and coffee. Madigan had water.  We shared a granola bar . Madigan jumped up on his seat ready for more road hunting.

On the way out I met a fellow in a 4x4 SUV. I was surprised he’d crossed the two cuts in the road, in his vehicle. They were veritable ravines. I’d wondered about doing it with the ATV, standing as I code up the steep sides.  We talked.  He was young and exploring. I’d just seen a grouse but it had skedaddled away.  AFter he left I saw another grouse. This one stayed down when I hit it despite it being a long shot and he was about to run.  

Madigan is two point tied behind me. He’s doing a veritable CARRIE swivelling round and round. Like  a kid in the back seat he’s keeps going side to side.  It’s then a challenge to untangle his leashes. I actually did this time before the bird died.  When I ran up to the bird still flapping he ran right by it then came back. That was an ‘aha’ moment. He pounced on the live squeaky toy and killed it.  That was it, He was now just too excited, I rescued my dinner and gutted the bird putting it in a green bag.  Meanwhile Madigan did circles and jumped on and off the ATV.

Excitement, Bird dog heaven. He’s learning,  

Back at the camp I went for another swim taking soap and conditioner,  I’d spent the afternoon reading a western  Rovky Mountain Saint, young mountain man Tate and his pet wolf,,, Lobo,  I’ve had the generator going charging everything up.  Even my satellite phone had died for lack of power mid call to Laura letting her know where i am. 

It’s really beautiful here, Like summer I love the beach and lake. Time to get ready for the evening hunt. I thawed out some steaks for later. The lantern is charged and I’ve potatos to boil.  

Madigan has been sitting at the picnic table while I’ve been here reading and writing.  He’s be so exited when I start loading the ATV.  

Summer Camping Holiday

It was a glorious week. I’d felt very burnt out.  Overwhelmed by aging, government, threat of disease, threat of war.  So much uncertainty. Anxiety and despair in work at an all time high.  Denial rampant. Lies and terror. Each day I began to go through the motions.  Now I feel revived.  Time alone is replenishing in my work.  But also at my age.  My puppy, Madigan, is the greatest companion.

We loaded the truck.  I had au femme clothes and thought anonymity.  I had the Vespa. I picked up the Camper and the dinghy.  I loaded up with gas and water in Chilliwack and stopped to shop for groceries in Hope. I bought bags of ice to help the fridge along. Once it got going it worked just fine.

I changed clothing before Manning Park.  I lost the closed toed sandals and put on the open toed sandals. I had red nail polish pedicure done when I also had my French manicure done. I left the t shirt I was wearing on but donned the wheat coloured cotton skirt with the large buttons up the front.  I had arrived. Rommel red gloss was sinishing touch. The rest of the drive would be a breeze.

I passed Manning Park. The smoke in the air was harsh. The fire just beyond Eastgate was roaring on the mountain. I took a picture from Sunday Summit.  I could see the flames devouring the forest. 

At the Princeton gas station I asked about the fires. So many cars and trailers had been passing me towards the coast I wondered about and exodus.  The attendant said the road north to Merritt had been closed and fires had started by Osooyoos.  I decided to go where I had hoped to find a wilderness camp. As I drove north into the interior I was happy to see no signs of evacuation.  I tried listening to CBC the national radio station that claimed to be local but there was no news and programs playing were from Toronto. 

When I arrived at the campground the ‘site operator’ was there.  I remembered her from previous years as she remembered me.  I doubt she sees many men in skirts out in the wilderness.  

“Site 10 is open and would be perfect for your rig,’ she said.  I paid the Senior rate $7.50 a night.  Then I almost crashed the camper accepting help from a European camper who was tenting with his wife and children in the site next to me. Fortunately he did alert me to the overhanging trees but as I did dent the steps on the metal campfire grill.  

“I tried to warn you,” he said.

“It’s okay, I’m just so glad to have made it.  I’d also taken out some bushes with the scything action of the Vespa carrier on the front of the truck.  It’s like coming into port. I’m always frazzled and it’s that last little rush of activity when actions can happen. Less than might have.  I was thankful.

Now I just set up.  I had to reposition the truck and camper after the help left because it wasn’t level ground.  But with jacks up anf the Vespa off the rack and the dinghy out of he back seat I was there.  I fixed the table and the fan.  After i set up the dinghy I realized I’d forgotten a life jacket. I had the Vespa with Madigan on back. We drove the next day to Princeton and back. It was a great winding highway but the air was bad with smoke.  Still a great ride in the country and I returned with a life jacket.

Each day I was up at 630 am.  No one was up but Madigan and I.  An early morning bikini swim. Otherwise topless.  I’d planned to skinny dip at night but never made it.  I reminisced about youth and good times camping.  In  t shirts and skirts I wrote and then I read summer novels.  

Each day I took the dinghy out with the electric motor.  The first two days I didn’t even bring the fishing rod. It was Madigan’s first boat ride.  He loved it. I had to discourage him from walking about on the top of the tubes. “Inside the boat, Madigan!”  He finally understood. He even settled down enough that I’d be able to take the fishing rod and troll a couple turns of the lake a couple of days.  I don’t have the patience for fishing I had when I was younger.  

I did enjoy reading in the lawn chairs a whole lot. I was camping right on the lake.  The neighbours were at a distance and one had their rig turned away from mine so I never saw them and the father tenting with his daughter were either fishing or off in their car with their dog.  No one bothered me.  I read and swam several time each day and went out in the dinghy daily. I had to charge the boat battery for an hour a day and charged the camper batteries and electronics at the same time.  I had a satellite phone and left a message with friends where I was.  

.

A deer visitted us in our campground. Madigan was fascinated.  

I drove the Vespa with Madigan into the hills one day, enjoying being back country on logging roads.  I’d been up this way shooting grouse in previous years. This time I didn’t bring a rifle , just the camera.





Camping, meals are a big deal.  My last barbecue had rusted out and I replaced it with a new Weber stainless steel one that worked wonders. 

 I also loved making coffee and tea I drank writing and reading.  Carla A  Richards, Sleep when You’re Dead, was the summer find, a brilliant sci fi murder suspense mystery set in Vancouver.  I love writing and journaling and taking pictures. Every day it was walking in the woods with Gilbert going for swims, writing and relaxing.  It was a glimpse of what retirement could be, writing, reading, being in the outdoors. I don’t want to retire yet. I do enjoy my work especially after a much needed break. But I dream of driving my camper on a trip for 3 months just travelling in North America with Madigan writing and wandering.  I’d like to take a sabatical and return to work but this mini break will keep me going for another while.

Finally rain cleared the air.  I packed up the day before I left and had a lovely drive home.  I left at 7 am and was back in the city at 3 pm , having dropped off camper and delivered dinghy to storage locker and unpacked. It’s a half day to a work day to getaway and the same to come back.  I imagine I’ll enjoy going to a luxury hotel one day soon as a contrast to the wilderness outdoor experience. I imagine a trip to Seattle is in order when the borders opens.  It’s good for an overnight or two day visit.  I think most people have those shopping trips but few can know the joy of being in the deep back woods off the grid wilderness camping with all the luxury of home.  Given when i was young at did the back pack and canoeing and snowshoeing and motorcycle wilderness camping time I’m enjoying have this camper luxury and the wilderness.  

Thank you God for such a wonderful vacation.