Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Justin Trudeau Again

No one has done more for my humility than Justin Trudeau. Just when I thought I could relax on my program, that nothing could upset my serenity, along comes Justin.  Ever since he said he smoked dope and recommended we all join him and there was no consequences he lost me.
Meanwhile I can’t help but think of my friend who was caught with dope, breaking the law, went to prison for 6 months, but being a good looking boy was gang raped, tried to escape prison, to avoid gang rape, and did 7 years hard time.  Now he rides with a biker gang and my friend of youth seems so far away in those far seeing eyes of his I can’t help but think of Justin Trudeau as Canada’s Hanoi Jane.  Yes the law should be changed. And yes I understand that you smoked dope like your mom and yes decriminalization is okay. But does the Liberal party elite need to be positioned to make millions and why can the new Canadian royalty break the law and almost boast about it.  Even lie a little, making it not a big thing, while others report it wasn’t a minor things but a major deal because drug folk always ‘minimize’ their use. Like the alcoholics who say I only had a ‘couple of drinks’.
Obama admitted to breaking the law and doing cocaine but he was ‘contrite’ about it. He was respectful of the wrong he’d done and being a lawyer seemed just a whole lot smarter than Justin about his past. Bill Clinton said ‘contritely’ he smoked dope but ‘didn’t inhale’.
I work as a medical review officer. It’s really hard now.  I see men and women in high office who never did anything worse than Justin Trudeau. But my job is to urine test them and see them regularly and ensure that they seen counsellors and don’t use drugs.  They’re more innocent than Justin Trudeau. They smoked a joint once or twice but someone ‘caught’ them and their jobs are more important than part time drama teachers and Members of Parliament. For a minimum of three and sometimes 5 years they have be ‘abstinent’ and accountable for not using drugs. Even Ford went to treatment, but he wasn't a liberal.
I smoked dope when I wasn’t working.  I’d been advised by a psychiatrist to do it and was buying marijuana from a doctor and I was a wine connoisseur drinking with psychiatrists who thought I was a ‘light weight’ because I didn’t drink that much.  I’d binge on a weekend every 6 months after a long stretch of endless call. Eventually I was diagnosed with PTSD and ironically marijuana is one of the drugs of choice for this condition.  My psychiatrist who I saw for anxiety after dealing with the hangings in the suicide epidemics and too many deaths and too much family grief and insanity at home and at work, well, he was ahead of the times.
But the authorities were not. They were, as is usually the case, decades out of date and only interested in control and dominance.  This was probably the case because so many of them, like Justin Trudeau, were living a lie and smoking dope and getting drunk and whenever they could point a finger at someone else, they did.
So I peed in a jar at the beck and call of a number system and did it so much that the punitive, incredible disturbed person who was working out their personal issues in their position of authority, uneducated and ignorant about the field, was finally told there is no reason to ‘drug test, Dr. Hay, unless you do it for political reasons’.  I’ve had a lot of shit come down for defending lost causes and people with a target on their back because of their politics.  As a physician in the frontlines you are prone to getting hit by so called ‘friendly fire’.
But Justin Trudeau didn’t do thousands of hours of his time getting treatment for his ‘recreational use of marijuana.’  As it was explained to me, “marijuana was illegal’, ‘you broke the law.’  “holding office is a privilege, not a right’.
My dog was killed because I wouldn’t ‘falsify’ the results of a pot smoker who wanted to hold a high government office.  My colleagues dog was killed too.
I just see Justin Trudeau’s face and I see Stuart the white Scotty and I see him seizuring from presumably anti freeze.  The south african doctors dog was done in the same way because he like me refused to compromise our position. The police told me that was the warning and my life would be next.  Money is a major motivator.  The pay for high government office is exorbitant.  What’s killing a doctor’s dog.
Right now another drug addict is threatening to kill my dog.  It’s bringing up a lot of the old shit.  Seeing Justin Trudeau is bringing stuff up front that I thought was well buried. The nightmares have returned.
I just see Justin Trudeau and I think of the ‘double standard’ and ‘arrogance’ and ‘hypocrisy’.  I also can’t help but think of my friend Dugald Christie, the lawyer who started the Pro Bono Law in BC for the poor dying in a hit and run as he rode his bicycle to burn his robes again on the supreme courts steps, the first time because there was no ‘justice for the poor’ in Canada, this time ‘because there was no justice for the middle class’.  Only the rich like Justin Trudeau are above the law and can even shout
“Get the Fuck out of my way” grab old men and elbow women in the tit.
It cost me about a half million dollars in loss of time and a lengthy legal battle because I said ‘fuck’ in the workplace. I got kicked out of high school for saying ‘fuck’ and admitting to saying ‘fuck’. That was when Justin Trudeau’s father Pierre Trudeau was lying and saying he said ‘fuddle duck’.
It’s not surprising that people joke and say, ‘how do you know a politician is lying?  Their lips are moving.”
I was such an idealist once. I’m looking forward to death because I’ve been so disappointed in life by the lies , and bullies and the hypocrisy and now Trudeau.

So when I see him I’m actually getting stomach pains and wanting to retch. I know it’s not him. I know I’m ‘sensitive’ and he triggers me. I try not to watch the news or hear what he says. I’m more entertained by American news because they expose all the lies of Hillary , the poppycock of Bernie, and the bluster of Trump.  I think of our last election and it was like it was rigged.  I felt like I was watching a soccer game more than I ever felt watching a hockey game.  All marketing.
And the obvious playing to the low classes and the women.
It was a disgusting Justin Trudeau  titty show and the girls lapped it up.  I thought what a low we’ve come to if  this is why women got he vote, so they could get a Playgirl Playmate in the PM’s office.  Where are the women who would have objected to men voting Pamela Anderson for PM?
The young vote for the young.  The ultimate ‘yuppie’ girl and boy show so reminiscent of his father and Maggie all the while Maggie was stoned out of her gourd and Trudeau was off somewhere else when she was dry humping band members on stage.  When we will learn what Sophie’s mental illness is, to be married to a Trudeau.  That’s how my mind thinks. Twisted and sad.
Next he’s giving billions to the UN and I loathe the UN for it’s fat bureaucracy, gangster line up, all those African leaders who kill homosexuals and the Arabian leaders who have their sex slaves and the communist leaders who kill everyone else.  What a gallery of rogues. So what’s Trudeau giving $4 billion dollars to this appalling organization.
Then he’s so unscientific.  Of course there’s global warming. It’s the alternative to an ice age. But Climate Change says that man is doing it by breathing so Agenda 21 of the UN is really a communist manifesto , a totalitarian solution to the ‘skies falling ‘ propaganda.  And we’ve now got a minister of Climate Change.  The only thing I like about his cabinet is a Sikh Minister of Defence and the idea that Canada has a Sikh minister of defence before India does.  Yet I can’t help but wonder what other country in the world has a Canadian in cabinet.
All day long I see Canadians who are struggling financially. It’s happened over night. In the past I simply didn’t see so many people having trouble making ends meet.  And people out of work. I don’t know what the stats say but this last year everyone seems to be looking for work.  I was happy when everyone was employed and while the rest of the world was going through the greatest world economic crisis since the 30’s Canada was managing the best.  Now we’re selling seats on our third world bus.
I’m afraid. I’m looking forward to retirement.  I’ve worked more than 30 years, studied 12 and worked two jobs. I started work at 12.  Justin Trudeau wasn’t working hard at university, always a playboy and now he’s got the wife and kids and in laws along for his work taking vacation and doing more time ‘modelling’ than the models I actually know.
It’s all rigged too. It’s all Hollywood ‘reality tv’.  He’s a soap opera star.  Sophie and He are the new Kardashian’s.  It’s Rapp.  It’s something utterly sickening to me.
I retch inside.
And I know it’s not him.  It’s my issue.
I’m a Christian. I’m supposed to pray for him when he lies. I’m supposed to pray for him when he irritates me so much I feel nauseous.
I’m supposed to be focussing on the day and not worrying that I’ll be pushing a shopping cart or in jail because Justin Trudeau is a dark cloud on those who worked in Canada all their lives and being so young and wealthy he doesn’t care at all about the old people.
I don’t have a pension.  I’m not rich. I’ve given so much of my life to others that I had this silly dream that one day I’d be able to take some time off, a few months, a vacation.  I seem to be working a lot. But then I’m working 12 hours a day , 60 hours a week and then I’m playing hard because if I don’t do something to counteract what I hear and see I’d go insane. Mostly I feel comforted in the woods , at sea. I’m anxious a lot.  Not like I was but there’s this frustration.  I am so weary with the weight of more and more government and more and more people not working. I feel at times like I’m the last person working in Canada and I’m holding up all this interfering grandiose, overbearing royalty , this government upper class, bureaucrats upon eurocrats, and more and more administration, more and more people watching doctors do their work, telling us how to do our work and not willing to be in the frontline, millions of chiefs and no Indians.  I’m so tired of people complaining that they can’t get any services, that they’re angry that they wait months to see me and I’m late an hour and I’m supposed to be thinking about ‘customer service’ and yet there’s just no bodies and more and more paperwork and more and more people sick and unemployed and we’re being told that people need more marijuana and it’s getting sad.
Justin Trudeau may as well say it: He doesn’t think I’m a Canadian and he doesn’t want me in his country. “Get the Fuck out of my Way?”
And I just keep asking myself where can I go.  Where can I go to get away from Justin Trudeau.
Meanwhile my brother has cancer and I’m praying and thankful for the doctors and nurses and yet frustrated by the delays.  Everywhere these days, like in all communist countries, there are line ups and waitlists.  I don’t want my brother to wait.  I don’t want my patients to wait.
But I’m also old and we’re all dying.
So Justin reminds me of me when I was a stupid young man and voted for his father. My father thought I was an idiot.  “You’re not living in Quebec. The Liberal Party is only for Quebec. “  “You speak English and you’re living in western Canada, I wouldn’t mind if you voted Conservative or NDP but you’re a fool to vote Liberal.”  We didn’t know about communists back then. The Wall hadn’t fallen and all the secrets about the USSR and the Gulag were hidden. We thought Pierre Elliott Trudeau, a great intellectual. Paul Johnson hadn’t written his book, Intellectuals back then, showing the poverty of the Intellectuals and their hypocrisy.  I really was affected by the red carnation.  I didn’t know that the liberals took the blue out of canada with the rape of the flag.  The communist red colour was all Trudeau cared about.  I’d not heard the song “I guess that’s why they call it the blues” back then.
I was as young and stupid as Justin Trudeau back then.  My wife was a thousand times more beautiful and smarter but we were both always working and couldn’t afford to dress her in ten thousand dollars suits every day like Sophie. She’s a model for Sex in the City. I think it’s great for the fashion crowd in Canada. She’s marketing their wares and taking home the spoils.  It’s just that I always remember how much my wife worked to buy that first Holt Renfrew Suit . It was months of savings.  We were interns and residents back then and she needed some clothing for a special occasion. She was prettier than Sophie will ever be after a night caring for a dying neonate.  I was always so tired and so poor and such an intellectual and we couldn’t have children.  There was always the abortion in that story.
Women didn’t have choice. They couldn’t afford to have kids. They had to work.  When I was young one adult could support another adult, two children and own a house and car. Now only Justin Trudeau and Sophie can afford that luxury.  Most women just get abortions.
And they’re bringing in physician assisted suicide and the health care system doesn’t want to pay for pain meds and we’re being told not to prescribe oxycontin and my friends working with the dying are being discredited for prescribing too much pain killer.  It’s like when I found 4 brain tumours after ordering 6 MRI”s of the head and got a letter demanding that I explain why I’d ordered so many tests.  It didn’t matter that I saved lives.  It was all about the cost.  If I spend money on patients then the administrative staff can’t get their new computers and trips to the bahamas for staff meetings and all the other perks that eat up the health care budget so doctors and nurses haven’t anything for patients who are crying where only we hear them, administration never anywhere near the front line.
My soldier friend told me about counting bullets in Afghanistan and thinking about the fat cats in Washington DC.  There’s no rationing bullshit in the higher ranks.
But ‘authority comes from God’.  My psychiatrist friend says that I must ‘trust in the Lord’.  I think of the early Christians with the likes of Herod and Nero.
then I think of Carl Jung and these ‘archetypes’ are externals of my own internal world. Justin Trudeau and Sophie are just the negative parts of myself that I have n’t owned. Satan is just the ‘shadow’ the part of yourself that you haven’t forgiven.
I keep hearing stupid people tell me how Canada’s reputation in the world is great now because of the journalism and media crap.  They were ‘ashamed’ we weren’t taking more refugees.  They have this weird idea that the ‘world’ actually thinks about Canada. I loved living over seas and reading the newspapers around the world and seeing that Canada wasn’t mentioned.  Not even in the news in London or Istanbul or Tokyo. Yet the literally psychotic marketing of the liberal party is as bizarre as those people who say we must walk gently on ‘planet earth’ , ‘she’s a goddess’ and ‘feels your anger when you stomp’.  Meanwhile I’m thinking of the great stomping Tom Indian dances I  went to at the rodeo and this fruitcakes are thinking that Canada is the centre of the universe because they live in outer podunk and that the planet is conscious of a footstep. Yet they think Christians and Jews and Buddhists and Hindus are nuts for their beliefs.  Half the time these people are telling me they’re atheists or secular but their ‘god’ is money or the ‘stock market’ or their latest cosmetic vegan diet. They’re all just consumers and critics and I hate to poke their balloons but they’re idiots with a whole lot of google nonsense in their heads and mainstream media program.
I talked to an old journalist and we reminisced about the days of the Winnipeg Free Press. “I’m ashamed of what my profession is today” he said.
It’s not Trudeau. He’s just the outer trigger.
18 years ago I smoked my last joint.  I think he’s still smoking dope.  I’m glad I didn’t drink the kool aid.  I stopped smoking cigarettes. I stopped the legal and the illegal smoke. I stopped smoking. My whole body, this being that is me, this sacred temple that lives on breathing, thanked me. I’m breathing fresh air today.
I think of Justin Trudeau smoking with his friends.
I’m not envious.  I’m just sad.
More and more people are smoking these days
And we worked so hard to stop the tobacco companies. Those psychopaths in the boards, the killers of their own people, we fought them. Now they’re putting their money behind Trudeau and marijuana.
Up in smoke
Sulfur smells.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Ride to Live, 2016, Westcoast Motorcycle Ride

Formerly the Ride for Dad, the 2016, Ride to Live is the West Coast Motorcycle Fund raiser for Prostate Cancer Research. It’s been going on for 7 years.  I’ve been in most of those.  If the weather is good it’s huge. Today rain was forecast so there was only a modest number of bikers compared to previous years.
Dave and Marcia came by at 8 am . Dave’s Harley Heritage Soft tail  rumble is hard not to notice.   Laura and I were ready but I was hardly on the highway when I remembered I’d not locked up.  I shouted to Dave and Marcia to go on, swung back and sure enough only Gilbert was guarding the place. Laura though said she’d felt her earache and sore throat come back with the cold wind so wanted to stay.  That was sad.  We’d worried she might not be up to it.  But with the blue sky showing and hope that it wouldn’t rain, she’d given it a go.
I drove on and joined up with Dave and Marcia at Trev Deely Motorcycle.  When the Howitzer fired we were all off.  It’s always a sight to be hold.  A double like of large motorcycles as far as the eye can see. Vancouver Police on their bikes and with their members keeping intersections safe.
The rain didn’t come. Blue sky and white clouds.  Perfect motorcycle weather. Whoever planned the route picked the best views of the city and country. It was a truly lovely ride, so picturesque.  Being with Dave and Marcia I didn’t do my usual thing of getting lost in Richmond.
The Red Bull girls had been handing out cans. I drank one.  Then cranked up Steppenwolf’s “Born to Be Wild” on my Electroglide’s stereo. Ahead of me Marcia was on the back of Dave’s bike dancing with her hands and arms to the tunes she had playing in her ears.  When we got to the Legion at Crescent Beach both Dave and I remembered last year when we had our dogs, Gilbert and Emory and they’d played in the grass there.
We arrived at Cloverdale Rodeo and Fair Grounds after noon.  Burgers were ready.  We chowed down sitting on the grass.
I met up with Murray again and talked about his having had another bike totalled.  Drunken drivers going through red lights have certainly disrupted his life. He’d been riding since fourteen and never an accident and now these two big ones in the last few years.  He was on crutches back then but this time he was looking a whole lot better after his latest ordeal.
The band was playing when we arrived.  The Vancouver Police, Scotia Bank, and Honda were also sponsors of the cancer research fund raisers.  Great people . Great bikes.  I thanked Dave and Marcia and headed back to join up with Laura and Gilbert for the rest of this sunny afternoon. What a great Ride to Live 2016!  What a great cause
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W;T, Pacific Theatre, May27, 2016

What a remarkable play!  Margaret Edson has really explored in depth the relationship between today’s experience of cancer and the Holy Sonnets of Donne.  Humour and Pathos.  I was moved by the realism of Katharine Venour’s portrayal of English professor, Vivian Bearing. The good, the bad and ugly of hospital and academia were captured in the script with superb direction by Angela Konrad.  I really did like Dan Amos’ portrayal of the medical resident, Jason Posner.  I fear there was a time I might well have followed him into research had I not become a clinician instead
Julie Casselman’s portrayal of Susie the nurse was true. Ron Reed played a most convincing Dr. Kelekian. Ella Faye Forsyth’s portrayal of Vivian’s old professor was touching to the core.  The whole ensemble, quite a cast indeed, worked well on the little stage which was a master piece of Set Designer John Webber.
In the middle of the play I noticed an older lady in the audience looking unwell as her own family were troubled by her sudden leaning left. I walked over to her as I’ve done for decades now and  said,  I am a doctor.  It’s always been more  comforting to those I’ve said it to than it has been for me to say it.    This wonderful man picked this lovely lady up and carried her to the wheel chair on the set.  We didn’t know how to exit the stage with stairs in every direction so it was critical that someone in the show took charge and said that we should carry the wheelchair up the stairs to the lobby.   So we lifted the wheelchair without hesitation and directed by this very smart woman carried the lady up the stairs.  It’s been decades since I’ve carried wheel chairs but this lovely lady was light as a feather..  Then family and friends lay her on the floor with just  the right pillows to satisfy me.  I can’t remember how many times I’ve had to correct the well intentioned from laying people out flat.  If a person’s vomitting or at risk to, lie them on their side. If there’s concern of stroke or heart attack or respiratory failure ensure they’re partially upright to allow the diaphragm to do it’s job.  
Her breathing was fine, no lateralization, pupils equal and reacting to light,  oriented, bilateral sensation in tact, all limbs moving,   pulse a bit willowy but steady and regular, good colour, good blood return from nail beds. She said she was tired and she seemed fatigued. She was a young 80 year old and sorry she’d upset the play. Someone handed me a phone to the 9-11 operator and I conveyed my findings while watching her.  I concluded she’d simply had a touch of vagal vasal ( a feint) with the closeness of the theatre and the passionate depth and tenseness of the play at the moment I saw her keel to the side.  One worries it’s a heart attack or a mini stroke but really those are just things we ‘rule out’ in emergencies to avoid surprises. In my northern medicine days I’d have given her a drink, asked family to watch her over night, waking her to confirm lucidity every few hours.
The fire department arrived with quite the fan fare.  One of the firemen was so truly caring he could have been her son.  Her daughter was there  so truly concerned and loving and I really do believe helping her mother along with silent prayer.   Everyone was so warm.
The paramedic arrived and really took charge. I thought he might have played football in another life. He reminded me of Jason Posner. Very efficient and professional moving things right along.  It was a reenactment of a real team so very similar to the one i’d just witnessed portrayed on stage. I couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t part of the theatre. Did this happen night after night. Would candid camera suddenly appear?
Observation for me , is the real thing in emergencies, except the gun shot and knifing one’s I’ve had to deal with.   That was years ago and I was all caught up in inserting lines and putting in medications in ER’s and ICU”s. It’s been a decade since I resuscitated someone. I attended a syncope on Davis Street. I’m blessed to be able to recognize the full range of street drugs.  I really don’t like seizures but mostly one simply has to wait.   In all the emergencies I’ve attended in the community,  it’s just been important to stop people when they were scared and wanting to do things even if they’re wrong.
Everyone here tonight was present and caring. The ambulance and fire staff were downright professional. I felt sorry for the lady though. She said ‘she just like all the people to go away.”    I knew how she felt.  Feeling ill is a private affair but we live in community.
I’ve responded to countless emergencies in hospitals, clinics, trains and wilderness, though most recently it seemed I’ve been specializing in on plane emergencies, a half dozen as many years.  I’ve never attended one in a theatre. It was especially surreal to return to the theatre, a hospital room set,  where the ‘play must go on’.
It was a superb finale.
A standing ovation for sure.
What a cast and what a brilliant script and direction.
I was thankful too that a theatre manager informed everyone that the lady was at the hospital and appeared to be doing well.  
“Death be not proud though some have called thee, Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so.”  John Donne
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Saturday, May 28, 2016

Facebook Follies and the Asylum Cafeteria

I used to be a psychiatrist in an asylum.  After much thought I’ve concluded that FACEBOOK is as close as one can get to a virtual reality asylum cafe for staff and mentally ill.
The only way you could be really sure who the staff were is the uniforms and keys.  In one study the psychiatrists terrified of the idea of not wearing ‘white lab coats’ showed up carrying ‘stethoscope rabbit ears’ in their jacket suit pockets. In another study some ‘normal’ students who slipped over the wall of the asylum were recognized as ‘normal’ by the patients but not by the staff.
The cafeteria was the most interesting place because pedophiles, murderers (not responsible by reason of insanity), psychotics, drug addicts detoxing, and depressives and staff going through their temporary , supposedly. life disruptions all mixed.
When I went for lunch I’d stop with my tray and look around.  Sometimes I’d sit at an empty table alone or sit at a table already occupied with one or two others.
Sitting at a table alone represents when I post something on my own timeline. My posts and my time line are like my table.  In virtual reality ‘comments’ are like the people who ‘join’ the table.  In comparison when I join another discussion it’s like I’ve joined someone else’s table.
Commonly the patients would join a table for safety where a staff person was sitting alone while a lot of the time the insane would group together mostly by way of common insanity while the staff would sit apart.
What we as staff knew was that by working in the asylum we were daily exposed to the very people that the world had excluded. I’ve known prison guards who have the same realizations.  Those who work in leper colonies are stigmatized as the ones with the disease and indeed ‘pick up’ traits and mannerisms of those they associate with most even if our ‘role’ is different.
So in Facebook I am always interested and truly enjoy those comments of the friends I know personally. I think of them generally as more like the ‘staff’ but they may just be other recovered folk like me or Christians or neurotics but because we are ‘friends’ on Facebook we have a commonality.
Where FACEBOOK gets really funky is when a friend of my friend, a stranger to me sits down at my table or joins me at another of my ‘friends’ tables.  In ‘boundary’ and transactional language these relationships might be referred to as ‘once or twice’ removed.
In the asylum there were always interesting groupings.  Schizophrenics usually preferred to be alone avoided sociopaths but might have a pedophile as a friend.  Not being a child the schizophrenic had nothing to fear from the pedophile and no reason to talk about children. Sociopaths because of their inferiority complexes by contrast are always trying to control or hump others like male dogs or female bitches in heat.  They’re far less predictable than pedophiles or schizophrenics and often get called bipolar because they swing from nice to not nice dependent on their believe that they are getting their way.  Sociopaths are always trying to measure ‘are you with me or agin me’ so tend also to avoid schizophrenics who usually don’t want to be with anyone.  Meanwhile they dominate pedophiles.
Staff in asylums have as a principal role stopping people from hurting each other. So they intervene usually only when people are actually suicidal or homicidal.
In the cafe other patients are as likely to intervene as staff when a patient becomes threatening, bullying or suicidal.  Homicide and suicide are just different sides of an attention seeking coin. One upmanship and one downmanship. Psychological mindedness is the ability to tolerate the tension of opposites.
I was very popular in the cafe at the asylum. In high school I spent a couple of years being ‘political’ and was named ‘Mr. Popularity”.  Popularity is a marketing skill coupled with charisma.  Buddha and Hitler have been equally popular. Certainly Marx and Shakespeare are equally popular.
The asylum cafeteria therefore is an interesting place where people are being essentially ‘political’ or ‘social’ in a relatively ‘free for all’ common ground.  Lots of people are off their meds and lots of other ones there are doing drugs or drinking while typing at their computers. It doesn’t take much training to recognize ‘pot talk’ and ‘drunk talk’.  The ones off their meds are a bit harder to spot.
The reason the staff and patient cafeteria was mixed was to allow staff to observe patients and adjust meds in the supposedly more ‘natural’ setting.  Ironically I mostly wanted to put a couple of my colleagues on meds or wished they weren’t hung over. We also had a nurse stealing opiates and using them so her speech was often suggestive of her problem but she got angry at everyone who questioned anything and was for ever pointing fingers at others and jumping all over the patients to distract attention from her criminal behaviour. I don’t know what my colleague was doing and he’d probably say the same thing about me. He was a real nut bar.
Institutions and hospitals are places were the newest staff and immigrants and those with problems are likely to work.  Staff members with problems rarely can succeed independently and the authorities who may be watching them prefer them in groups where they can be observed until their behaviour is deemed not a threat to the authorities or patients and other staff.
I’ve always had an anti authority streak, knowing history, and watching how frequently great countries have had leaders who fluctuated as differently as Bill Clinton and Ronal Reagan.
So in Facebook when I post something ‘controversial’ (which is always except for the dog and camping pictures) my friends are aware of my variety of interests and positions so are themselves interested and never offended. I have a couple of old lovers (only in years we have known each other) (they remain as gorgeous and sexy as the day I met them) who ‘chide’ me routinely on my ‘taste’.  I’ve friends from elementary school on Facebook and they even raise an eyebrow or challenge me.  All of these people have ‘earned’ the right by years of association and time. A couple of women from decades back befriended me when we were both very different people.  We have watched each other move back and forth across ideologies and have seen each other through life threatening disease. I was there for their cancer and they were there for my cancer. Thier’s was worse. My friends have had radiation, chemotherapy, lost husbands, and wives, had children die.  I’ve been hospitalized. Basal Cell Carcinoma got me too but was quickly caught in the making while I’ve taken a whole lot of injuries that have lead to chronic pain and sometimes tears.  Divorces have taken their toll and we’ve stood by each other.
If any of these people and some are family , sit at a table with me and says anything , it doesn’t really matter because we’re soul brothers and soul sisters.  One of my dearest longest most loved friends is one who we physically fought together intent on murdering each other as kids and had we weapons more than our fists we might well have.  Today I love him as no other.
But I don’t like a lot of my friends friends.  I’m sitting at the table in Facebook kibitzing with an old friend or lover and this unknown stranger sits down and pulls one of those triangulation stunts.
Often people are in recovery.
It’s a good rule to remember that it takes a bout a year off drugs and alcohol before you can be honest with yourself and actually truthfully recall and report what you said yourself hours or days earlier. It takes two years (PAWS) to be able to actually truthfully report what you said and what the other person said in a conversation especially where there were opposing views. It’s usually only in the third year of recovery that people can actually divide the discussion in which three people conversed and remember and report accurately what each person said. It’s a Piagetian thing developmentally as well.
Further when two people are together their relationship can be any of the following
Mother-daughter; Father-son; Mother-son; Father-dauther;brother-brother;sister-sister; brother-sister; etc out to aunts and nephews etc.  Our secular relationships with strangers are based on the original template of relationships.
When two friends are conversing the conversation is ranging through all the relationships with an incredible oiled smoothness. My friend and I are both doctors in different fields. She is a phd and I’m an md.  Having years of university experience with a multitude of ‘experts’ and ‘egos’ we defer easily to each other in our areas of respective strengths. We have nothing to prove to each other and enjoy learning and working together.
When a stranger joins they really are like a kid coming into our now “mommy and daddy’ circle.
How they ‘enter’ the conversation is most telling.  This is called ‘process’ in psychiatry. It’s not ‘what people say’ but rather how they say it in ‘process’.  Marshall McLuhan said, as well, the medium is the message.  So in the asylum cafe or in Facebook the medium is also the message.  “Linked in” by contrast to Facebook doesn’t have the ‘bar room” or ‘asylum cafe flavour’ that Facebook has. I’d say that’s because Facebook is a ‘social media’ whereas “Linked In” is more a ‘business media”.
What’s even more telling is the way “Friends of Friends of Friends’ enter discussions on Facebook.  I and another person may have a relationship with the original poster but a third person sitting down at the table may have no relationship with anyone but has in fact chosen to sit down at what is now ‘our’ table when in fact they can sit at their table.
To get a flavour of these different ‘intrusions’ one can of course look at ‘who’ and what are their ‘relationships’ on their own timeline.
Socialization refers to how well people ‘succeed’ in broader society.  A lot of people in the world today simply ‘lack socialization’.
In countries with conscription this is not true. In more technologically primitive countries people also had to be better mannered. In ancient times “manners’ were means whereby ‘men’ avoided ‘hostility’.  Shaking hands, the sword hand, was a declaration of peace.
Today our society is immensely isolated and many people have not socialized with strangers since high school  In their workplace they are often separated and ritualized in their relationship with a task or tool and then socialize only with people who share their biases.  Team sports are a means whereby people have traditionally been socialized and as women increasingly involve themselves in team sports they become increasingly adept in a way so many lacked skills in previously. Families are a natural socialization mechanism and where parents stay together the family socialization mechanism was one of the best.  Overall usually parents are better socialized than single men and women. Those who have never had long term relationships are usually the most under socialized and commonly are designated as having a personality disorder in the social science literature.
Because many Liberals are limited to their minority of relationships they often are angry and offended by the Conservatives who are similarly limited to their minority of relationships.  Increasingly people are not socialized by being members of churches or communities or political parties but don’t realize that without this ‘socialization’ their ‘emotional intelligence’ is sadly lacking. This is most difficult for those who are ‘idiot savants’ in the sense that they have done well in a particular area of society, such as ‘money making’, job status, or surviving a life threatening disease, or making a transition to a new country.  Emotional intelligence comes with depth and breadth of relationships and experience and not book learning or luck at the lottery.
CBC shut down it’s ‘comments’ pages because it found that it’s own minority ‘liberal’ elite position was at variance with a swath of the comments page which was admittedly ‘under socialized’.  Yet CBC, a publicly funded broadcasting corporation, has an obligation to all who contribute to it’s forum so interestingly made a ‘mommy’ decision and shut out the ‘bullies’.  Comments pages and FACEBOOK are falling to a fallacy which is called  the ‘ends against the middle’.  The idea of a ‘silent majority’ got a bad rep because of political abuse of this idea by both the right and the left.  Tyrants of either ilk always claim to represent the middle when to be a leader they must be de facto “other’. Leaders are always ‘the minority’ position.
So FACEBOOK has attempted to introduce some ‘reality’ to it’s ‘virtual reality’ game, by ‘Blocking” , “Reporting”, and “Unfollowing”. and “Unfriending’.  I can’t help but think adolescents are having a whole lot of learning and fun with these ‘features’.  Reporting is like calling 9-11 at a family dinner. The Communist regimes the world over have made winning off the various ‘anonymous tip’ lines and rewarding people who prefer the ‘outside state’ authority to the ‘inside family or community authority’  . I’ve been a ‘whistleblower’ and must always remember that by ‘reporting’ I become what is the lowest phenomena in the ‘prison population’ which is by another name called ‘a snitch’.  Loose lips sink ships so the ‘elite’ don’t welcome transparency and maintain their privilege by ‘secrecy’ the same way the black market works. Often the two worlds mirror each other.  But G7 doesn’t have reporters in their meetings and don’t even record discussions any more than the Hell’s Angels, Yukuso, or Mafia do.
In Facebook and other ‘comments’ sections of todays media an ‘individual’ can ‘be heard’.  There was a time when all media was controlled by the country leadership and in most of the world today that is the case.  In western demcracticed capitalist societies the leadership allow a tightly controlled and propagandized ‘freedom of speech’.  The greatest ‘freedom of speech’ in the world today remains in the USA.  European and Canadian countries and Australia and perhaps even Britain actually believe they have ‘freedom of speech’ but in fact that freedom is very restricted by ‘political correctness’ , ‘hate legislation’ etc etc.  Muslim countries  have no freedom of speech by comparison nor do communist countries.  Certainly, for most of the world the ‘secret police’ control overtly or covertly what people dare to say.
FACEBOOK ‘reporting’ will respond. I’ve been ‘silenced’ repeatedly because it is now a ‘tactic’ of ‘opposition’ to ‘report as ‘spam’ anyone who disagrees with a political position of their opposition.  So as a Christian I have been ‘silenced’ by the opposition ‘reporting’ me to the authorities. I speak with the authorities and they apologize. Zuckerberg has repeatedly apologized for the Left doing this to the right and middle. As a “Centrist’ I’ve been repeatedly reported by the Left.  The Left sadly today is the enemy of the middle and the right of society and increasingly represent a minority elite that falsely maintains their claim to represent the ‘middle’ or ‘lower’.  Both leadership of right and left are serving the elite’.  Politics is really about choosing the least bad alternatives.  No man is a God and Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  I truly believe Donald, Hillary, Bernie, Stephen, Justin, and Tom were all really nice kids. Their deviance probably showed first in high school. Now they’re leaders.  Even Adolph and Joseph and Winston were likely delightful children before they deviated.
‘Crying wolf’ is todays new ‘bully tactic’.  Society is struggling with false accusations and the courts are playing catch up.  Facebook apologises more often than Canadians.
In the actual face book feeds I ‘block’ and ‘unfriend’ people almost daily. These are people who ‘enter a comment feed’ aggressively. They’re usually vulgar.  Most often they have not read the feed but believe that being ‘opinionated’ is a virtue.  They ‘attack’ me and frankly I never backed down from a ‘bar fight’ or a ‘debate’ or a ‘Facebook fisticuffs.”  With friends and usually friends of friends we have rather useful discussions. But I don’t like bullies of any gender or disposition and have a life time record of defending persecuted people and indeed myself when I have been attacked.
In a discussion the ’subject’ of the discussion is separate from those who are the ones discussing.  In debate , I used to do this at universities’ back when I actually fenced and competed in things as well, the minute a person ‘attacks the messenger’ they ‘forfeit’ the debate. It’s like playing golf with someone and they pull out a gun and shoot you.  Obviously they’ve lost the golf game but they, being psychopaths, sociopaths, or just under socialized or emotionally unintelligent might well tell their friends they won the golf game against Tiger Woods but fail to mention that they used a 9 mm Glock in the game.
The unfriend button is like everyone ‘avoiding’ the ‘dangerously insane’ man or ‘hysterically psychotic woman’ in the cafe asylum.  They’re just angry and looking for someone to unleash their anger on.  They never contribute to discussion and there’s no learning and no fun. They don’t want to ’talk’ but would rather ‘fight’.
I don’t like to fight. I hospitalized a number of people in my youth and even when I won and the other guy was being taken away by ambulance I found my jaw or my hand hurt for days.  Once I learned ’surgery’ and began playing guitar and lived by my ability to have hands to write and type and touch I have avoided ‘fights’ because that’s all ’thugs’ do. I actually prefer countries where I can have a gun so I don’t have to get into a ‘bludgeoning’ exercise with a young guy who never made anything with his hands and only used his hands to hurt people.
So Facebook has an ‘unfriend’ and an ‘unfollow’ button. However I lived in an apartment where my dope addicted drug dealing welfare recipient neighbour played heavy metal in the middle of the night and I had been delivering babies so was very tired. I asked him nicely to turn down his music. When he persisted persisted I called the landlord and did all the ‘right’ things to address his ‘vulgarity’ and ‘bullying’.  It was a week or so later he surprised me and put a knife to my throat and held me off a balcony for a half hour spitting in my face.  I called the police and they talked to him but I had to live the next two weeks and not be able to sleep in my apartment for fear that he’d attack me.  He was evicted but I left that apartment too and had only survived by sleeping in the on call hospital rooms.
With the ‘liberalization’ of what the ‘middle and lower classes’ have , the rich live in gated communities, have armed body guards and multi million dollar mansions, the  White House isn’t cheap and Justin and Sophie Trudeau complain that their multi million dollar accommodations are not glamorous enough.  So now a day doesn’t go by that some one isn’t telling me about a ‘violent neighbour’ or a ‘bully’.  I was fascinated to follow a two year process where a social housing complex suffered before they evicted this sex offender who grabbed women in the hall, a psychotic who raged night after night, a bully who had physically assaulted people, and a thief who had broken into other peoples homes in the complex.  Weeks at a time I hear people crying telling me of how no one is protecting them and that these aggressive loud people are barging into their lives.  Just this year my girlfriend had a psychotic drug addict banging on her wall screaming at her to shut down the music.  I was sleeping at her place when this began so ‘confronted’ this truly crazy professional lady’ and she was evicted that week though she was screaming in the hall (thankfully in front of witnesses) that I was ‘raping her’.  She’d come to our door to tell my little lovely girlfriend to ‘shut up’ but being a light sleeper I’d woken and gone to the door.  Fascinating moments in Canada.  Apparently an everyday occurrence in Detroit now and increasingly normal in Surrey.  Communities are developing ‘block protection’ and “Vigilantism’ is on the rise because of the failure the of the existing authorities to ‘protect’ individuals without adequate wealth to be elite.
The other ‘offensive’ attack behaviour so common on ‘FACEBOOK “ is the ‘assumption of superiority’.  All these are ‘personalized ‘ comments.  I make a statement, i.e. Having babies young is associated with reduced cancer in women and another person responds with ‘you’re full of shit’ or that’s ‘conservative bullshit.”  There are actually ‘trolls’ and different groups are paying people much like they did with ‘robocalls’.  I’ve been targeted by these ‘computer’ generated programs on several occasions.  My computer hacker friends have enlightened me to them.
In a ‘discussion’ the question is ‘relevance’ and people will also say ‘get to the point’. Indeed there are mechanisms now in business which address these ‘disruptors’.  In the Navy Seals one technique is to ask the most junior to comment first so that they will not be ‘silenced’ by their superiors.  The fallacy of the ‘appeal to the authority’ is addressed ironically in this case.  The Climate Change Cult are actually silencing opposition by threatening lawsuits against anyone who disagrees with their particular insanity.  Thank God the planet is in a warming phase. We have been since the last ice age.  The question is the degree of contribution of man and the various ways of addressing that contribution. To question these latter highly erroneous propositions gets one faced with a lawsuit or at very least being called a ‘denier’.  This was what the soviet union did when anyone disagreed with their ‘scientific’ position called Marx’s historical presumptions. .  People who disagreed with the now wholly defunct marxian ideology akin to leeching in medicine was put in a psychiatric asylum. I know because I belonged to the “Psychiatrists against Political Abuse of Psychiatry’ an organization dedicated to science and keeping politicians from doing what the Climate Change Cult of the UN is doing now.
In my office I have a native ‘talking stick’.  This is a means whereby everyone in a group gets a chance to speak. If a person wants to be ‘heard’ they can pick up the stick and as long as they are holding onto it they are not interrupted.  When they are finished it gets passed back and forth or passed on.  When I played chess we had a little machine that limited ‘stalling’ and ensured the ‘game’ went on rather than something else occurring.
The 12 step programs around the world have attempted to teach the very brain injured addicts and socially inept early recovery folk with a simple ‘no cross talk’. What this does is encourage people to ‘introduce’ new material rather than seeing their ‘role’ as the ‘critic’.
Today everyone is a ‘critic’.  Especially pot smokers’  They sit on the couch and read the internet and watch tv and never actually do more than ‘criticize’ other peoples ideas and actions.
“Microanalysis” of contributions in corporate board rooms separate the ideas offered on ‘spread sheets’ because commonly another tactic of the ignorant is to rephrase an already stated opinion.
Robert’s Rules of Order was introduced to politics to ensure that ‘discussion’ preceded ‘vote’.  Most people in the ‘comments’ sections see ‘comments’ as their ‘voting’ space rather than just ‘liking’ or ’not’. .  “Fucking Right”.  “Bullshit” etc are not discussion or even ‘comment’ but rather ‘colourful ‘ ‘votes’.
Further I’m an old guy with lots of experience so when some young inexperienced little shit especially an easily offended ‘critic’ takes a swipe at me in the ‘process’ way by ‘presumptive’ superiority or ‘disrespectful’ subtle ill mannered behaviour I, like the old dog, enjoy snapping the upstart down. To the external observer they might not see that this ‘junior’ person is indeed being offensive ‘intentionally’.  The separation of heavy weights and light weights and gender and various forms of ‘weaponry’ is that there is no advantage to the superior in ‘unequal’ contests.  Yet invariably a person will play ‘foul’ in a game and then do the ‘drama queen’ game removing the focus from the ‘discussion’ which they have obviously lost by this ‘antic’ or ‘gambit’ but now ‘personalizing’ the discussion to be about them and their being ‘offended’.
It’s one of the reasons today that you simply can’t have a ‘feminist’ or ‘racist’ or a 'sexist’  screaming ’self proclaimed ‘ referree  or ‘mommy boy’ or ‘daddy girl’ in a conversation because they’re always waiting to be ‘offended’ to gain ‘centre of attention’   Being offended in their only ’skill’ and they ‘derail’ all ’society’ and all ‘conversation’ today by this means.  Watching a soccer game today is painful with all the ‘fouls’ .  There though, the ‘referee’ is the ‘agreed’ ‘foul caller’ whereas there increasingly are these genetic mutants who like idiot savants lack all other skills but this one and bark ignorantly all day,  ‘look at me “i’m offended’.
In the asylum while there were people who wanted to sit alone at their table there were a lot of people who didn’t but were equally unable to ‘attract’ friends so always ‘barged’ in on other tables.  The beauty of ‘theatre’ is that ‘actors’ learn not to ‘upstage’ each other and also how to ‘modulate’ their responses.  I loved improvisational theatre and did this for years with a group of friends. It was a fascinating ‘social game’ much like when I played in a blues band and we all ‘jammed’ together.
Facebook is a relatively ‘unstructured’ setting.  I mostly like it for puppies and inspirational messages.  At the same time I sail and though only a few of my friends are sailors I like to share sailing posts. Not surprisingly my friends who share hockey posts have never been thuggish and arrogant or ignorant about my sailing posts.
It was once a truism of ‘success’ to “Never discuss Religion or Politics”  My friend who lived in a Moslem country but wasn’t muslim said ‘we all learned to whisper’.  He laughs at my openess and believes Canadian experiments in transparency will fail when we have the imminent civil war he predicts.  .
When I became a professional my superior at the university said that I must learn ‘boundaries’. It’s what the College of Physicians and Surgeons teaches more and more these days.  At the time he said you must only have friends who are in your ‘class’ . What he meant by that was that I only associated with other ‘professionals’ and other’s with ‘university degrees’.  An English psychiatrist greatly admired for his apparent liberalism told me, as helpful advise, ‘don’t discuss anything important with women or the enlisted.  The world is like a big army. We are the officers and the upper classes. The poor can never be trusted to understand and the women can never be trusted to keep their mouths shut.”
The principle way people ‘get along’ is by not associating with others who are different from them.
When it comes to religion I do extremely well in my Christian church.  My muslim friend shines at his mosque. My jewish friend is a leader in his synagogue.  My atheist friend is a leading communist teaching dialectics. My Hindu friends and Buddhist friends are equally admired.
On Facebook the usual ‘dangerous person’ is someone who really doesn’t know a person or associate closely with people who have different beliefs or religion or politics.  I’m closely involved with a vast diversity of people and am very thankful to have friends who I admire even in the dastardly Liberal Party with that much maligned goofball Trudeau.  I have this Liberal Leader friend who I enjoy discussions with and we’ve both corrected each other on history and significant points. What I thought Mulroney had done was indeed done by Martin.
My Palestinian Christian friend tells me all the persecution of Palestinians by the Jews and my Jewish friend tells me about being bombed by the Hamas.
But Facebook like conversations in asylum cafes never touch this ‘level’ of communication. I admire mostly my orthodox jewish friend not for their zionist beliefs but because I’ve seen them as a doctor taking incredible risks with their own life to save a Muslim patient’s life with a horrible infectious disease.  I’ve been blessed to be with doctors and nurses who daily overlook differences to see the similarities and constantly are risking their lives and wealth on behalf of others.  I like my policeman friend with his right wing views because I know how much he loves and cares for his children.  I know my family for their years of sacrifice and love and cares of each other.
I love my friends but the strangers I meet on Facebook are such assholes as to threaten me….a fellow just said he looked forward to seeing me dead and another person attacks my family for their association by blood with me.  I’ve even had people complain to my work because I held an opinion different from theirs.  They were liberal and i was conservative and they complained against me saying that with my views I shouldn’t be allowed to practice medicine.  They were 20 and I was 60 and I only had a fleeting thought of suicide when I got called by the authorities about this ‘offended’ young ‘girl’ who feels that people who aren’t ‘feminists’ should be jailed.
I’m pro life.  Given the misinformation in the liberal media no one seems to know how persecuted the ‘pro life’ people are. I recommend anyone stand outside an abortion clinic silently for a day and find out what my 80 year old friend found out when she did just that.  It’s never covered in the Canadian papers because Canada is dominated by death.
Facebook is dying.  Freedom of speech and indeed freedom is no longer understood by the young.  License is not freedom.  Freedom comes with accountability.  I have paid a terrible price from my beliefs.  Defending Israel has had my family threatened. Defending homosexuals has brought me as much hate as defending heterosexuals.  I learned long ago ‘if you stand up you make yourself a target’.
Canadians are polite and apologetic and nice because as my friend from the US said, they’re ‘snow niggers’.  They’ve lost their rights and freedoms and live ‘lives of quiet desperation’.  What’s amazing is that people who disliked their lack of freedom in their countries have moved to this once ‘wild’ country with all it’s opportunities.  My grandparents came as much to escape the restrictions of Europe as for any other reason.
Facebook is like an asylum cafe.  By contrast my blog is a booth along the side of internet metropolis.  Though I really have stated what were very ‘offensive’ opinions to some the ‘comments’ on my blog have never been the level of FACEBOOk.  Indeed the comments on blog pages are generally rather considered by comparison.  I’ve over a half million hits on the blog with redistribution in the millions and despite that I’ve never been so ‘personally attacked’ as I have been on Facebook.  Something inherent in the FACEBOOK formula as with the ‘comments’ section of CBC is inherently flawed.  Something to do with Anonymity is inherent in this insanity.  The Asylum Cafe is like a bar, people go their to be ‘insane’ or to get ‘drunk’.  Facebook is such a place.
It’s at the level of ‘cross talk’ too.  Something in ‘texting’ , the irritating ‘editor’ and the one finger jabbing on the iPhone makes the conversation like a distracted road rage experience in a crowded freeway.  Sound bites about something more complex.  There’s Paul Johnson’s book called the “intellectuals’ which showed that the ‘ideas’ of the great 18 to 20th century only ‘worked’ as communication because no one knew about their personal life.  Today Charles Mason might well put forward a ‘great philosophy’ but quickly we’d ignore it because his life is despicable.  Similarly Robert Picton the pig farm cannibal might have an idea or an opinion and no one cares for it. Yet Pickton and Manson can speak their minds on Facebook. it’s a dark space.  FACE BOOK, before the ‘no smoking’ signs.  The interesting thing is how the worlds spill over and in a positive sense I’ve gone for coffee with a person whose ideas I enjoyed on Facebook. I so love my friend Carol’s humour that I look forward to next time seeing her.
But I don’t like when people attack my friends and family in that adolescent ‘packing’ ‘whose in or whose out’ ‘selective’ misinformation way to ‘win their lost argument’.
"How can you have a friend like that?”  a pedophile said to my friend,  when I said his opinion ‘sounded like a pedophile’. I’d met so many pedophiles and heard their logic that I happened to say this without knowing he was one. Well, boy did that ‘lady protest too much’ .  I found out from my friend their history and how none of the family allow them around children.  We are as ‘sick as our secrets’.   I was very thankful that he blocked me, unfriended me and complained to Facebook about me and wrote a Rate Your Doctor criticism because frankly he doesn’t really celebrate his preference for sex with children.  Kill the messenger and a reminder of his being caught in the past clearly annoyed him.  Yet as I typically tell people, an offence is human but the ‘cover up’ and the ‘reaction’ really do ‘out’ the truth.
But life is, as I get older, more and more like that asylum cafeteria.  Facebook is really just one section, a  very very tiny one in the much much larger cafeteria.
 I have to go. We’re off to White Spot to have lunch with real friends in the real world.

Physician Assisted Suicide (Euthanasia)

Physician Assisted Suicide (Euthanasia)
- by William Hay

The slippery slope!!!::: (this is where Holland’s Euthanasia program quickly moved onto.)
Hi I’m your psychiatrist.  Please answer the following questions:
1) Would you like to kill yourself?
2) Would you like to do it yourself?
3) Would you like me to do it for you?
4) Have you a preferred method of death? Poison? Drowning? Hanging? Gunshot?
5) Would you like it done as a private affair? (That’s  cheapest).
6) Or would you prefer a public affair? (It generally costs more if you want politicians to attend.
They’ve become very expensive these days.)
7) How much time would you like to think about it? A few minutes?  A day. Or two?

Friday, May 27, 2016

May Day

It’s a sunny day, blue sky, and warm.  There’s a light breeze.  And just a touch of sea air that with the sea gulls mixing now and then with the robins reminds one of the proximity of the ocean.  

The Pacific Ocean seems a big lake to me now that I’ve crossed it.  As I’ve been blessed to travel to various continents the world has grown smaller.  There’s the views from the space stations too.  So  the older I get the smaller the world has become.  It’s depth and mystery remain despite this.

I’m thankful that the cold and flu and allergies that so affected my breathing and caused a near constant cough are behind me.  The winter rains are gone. The bleak grey skies.  The despair in my work. 

Despite the election of Justin Trudeau, as abominable at that can be, the country is surviving as did American despite the ravages of Obama.  The people have resilience. The nations suffer course corrections. CBC news seems the worst possible propaganda in the word making Pravda looking like bastion of truth. Yet the programming of CBC, Tapestry, Ideas, the Vinyl Cafe’s all is the best in the world. 

We have the likes of Justin Trudeau and his characterological polar opposite, the astronaught, Chris Hatfield.  Canada has a weird balance with Justin Beiber and Celine Dion.  It all muddles on. 

I fear that my brother’s cancer and shock of it had me fearing for the nation as much as I did for our family. Personal and public concerns entwining.  

I love that the light shines in the darkness

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Political Correctness, Silencing Opposition and Disinformation

"If you forget history, you are doomed to repeat it."
I'm feeling that we have forgotten history.
All the great civilizations have fallen because of betrayal from within.
1)Political Correctness is just such a poison.
- As a result of political correctness, freedom of speech has been destroyed. Freedom of speech just happens to be one of the pillars of a democracy, In fact it's the pillar of civilization.  Today though thanks to political correctness, the attempt to not offend anyone by one's speech and the idea that one can actually speak in such a way as to not offend someone is utterly ludicrous. But that's political correctness,
- a form of political correctness is today to limit terms like 'slave' to 'blacks' whereas people of every colour have been enslaved at some time or other.  Political correctness has been summarized as the attempt to 'hold a turd by the clean end'.  So today's students' strapped with immense debt from student loans are slaves as much as indentured servants were and as much as the sex slaves of arabia are.  The distinction between 'chattel slaves' and 'addicted drug slaves' is political correct 'hair splitting. Similarly 'political correctness' limits sexual abuse to female gender and is extremely sexist since there are countless boys sexually abused but they are 'politically incorrect'.  It goes on like this, as the 'language of truth and freedom' is perverted to become a 'language of war'.  Political correctness is indeed one of the tenets of social communism which was a wedding of the schools of sociology of Freud and Marx.

2) Silencing the Opposition
-  Dictatorships have long liked killing their opposition.  The left wing aetheist (socialists) communists buried hundreds of millions, often in unmarked mass graves . The right wing pagan fascists, (National Socialists) gassed their opponents but also used mass graves.  Pol Pot was a particularly adept recent specialist in mass murder. Rwanda was genocidal and now ISIS continues the Muslim beheading practiced by the war lord and prophet Mohammed and taught in the Koran as the correct way to 'silence opposition'.  (A friend says the zombie movies are teaching the children how to practice the eventual 'one religion'.  "We are the zombies', he says.  One of the persecuted Christians, the greatest persecuted religious of today. The Jews held that position in the past.  
- Assasination has always been a favourite way of removing opposition and recently was developed with immense finesse by the Columbian drug lords who murdered anyone who opposed them.
-The other technique when outright killing wasn't an option was 'disappearing'.  The right wing Argentinian military dictatorship was especially good at this but Stalin and Hitler had pretty much fine tuned this technique long before the Argentians.  China is now a master.  I remember people from the cold war USSR days telling me of the KGB coming in the night and dragging off a political member of the family and they'd simply disappear.  Since the fall of the Wall there continues attempts to find what happened to countless thousands but not only were the individuals 'dissappeared' but in the remarkably corrupt beaurocracy of communist countries so were the files purged too.
- Jails - are the other great way of 'silencing the opposition'.  Mandela is the famous prisoner of our time who freed, literally changed the consciousness of the world. The others were the survivors of Auschwitz and the survivors of the USSR's Gulag.  

3) Disinformation - the first casualty of war is the 'truth'.  As a politically correct black , liberal leader once said of the racial war, "We've got you honky white guys so corralled you don't even know what to call us."
-Everyone knows that all German's weren't Nazis, just as all Americans aren't obese.  Naziism was epidemic in Germany but now exists mostly in Moslem countries whereas obesity really is epidemic in America which has a whole lot more communists than it does nazis.  Nazis mostly fled to South America.  The fact is no one got angry if someone made a mistake not differentiating the average german from the average nazi from the particularly bad SS.  Today though if a person says "Islamic Terrorist" they are at fault for not designating that the terrorist is a Sunni Islamic Terrorist versus a Shia Islamic Terrorists, Sufi Islamists not having involved themselves in terrorism for probably centuries.
-Disinformation is stating outright lies like "Islam is a religon of peace".  This is as false as saying Germany is a country of peace.
-Disinformation is obscuring the specificity of the assailant.  Recently when Justin Trudeau , the Prime Minister of Canada physically grabbed an opposition leader there was a 'marketting orgasms of disinformation' even though Justin, caught on camera, could only 'apologize' contritely for an act of physical violation which had never before been seen in the House of Parliament.  It was a wonderful 'example' of 'spin doctoring' and 'damage control' and 'disinformation' which is usually recognised in Third World Countries and commonly what is seen normally in the UN.
-The UNITED NATIONS has two parts.  One the Security Council which is made up of the chief arms dealers in the world and the principle winners of WWII. It's power exists by threat of mutual destruction of each other but it lives by perpetual war. The second part of the United Nations is the general council. Canada for instance belongs to this though. The general council has dictators, military leaders and a true 'cast of usual suspects". It's portrayed by popular disinformation as some sort of "Star Trek" federation but it's more akin to a PIRATE Den or a Mafia Family Dinner given how many 'civil rights' abuses are done by the council. Two of the greatest Civil Rights abusers of all time China,which sits on the Executive Branch, or so called 'Security Council" and Saudi Arabia that sits in the general council.  These are relatively civilized though heinous countries that routinely kill and imprison members for anything but 'truthfully justifiable reasons'. The leadership are at times considered outright paranoid and consider anything question or threat to them 'justifiable'.  Meanwhile African leaders who condone sex slavery in general and killing homosexuals in particular sit on the general council. The beaurocrats in the UN are commonly immensely corrupt simply because corruption is the norm for much of the world.  What we in the 'west' consider the 'dark ages' persists in many countries as official policy.  So Disinformation is standard, regarding the United Nations and it's individual states and especially the security council or executive, China, Russia, France, Great Britain and the US.  NATO by comparison is a rather civilized body which shares mostly used to share ideas of civil liberty, democracy, freedom of speech etc.
- marketting is a specialized form of disinformation - 'if you tell a lie enough times most people will believe it."
-It's amazing the consolidation in power of the rich given G8 is simply the richest countries, with economic ministers meeting regular, all behind closed doors. Then there's G20 with greater influence but still top down.  The consolidation of power in a few is the aim of the existing power brokers.  These are increasingly beyond 'nation' states and more 'medieval corporate structures'.  A truism is that the 'reformer is an enemy of anyone who benefits from the status quo'.  So given that the UN was created in 1945 and the following structures added to it, the likely monetary aim of all these structures is to consolidate and control power and progress to the goals of a very few.
- Disinformation is associated with the claim, like Lenin that he needed 'dictatorship of the proletariat' for a temporary time.  Common disinformation was Hitler saying he was invading a country to 'save them".  There has a been an exponential increase of lawyers in a variety of areas where laws were enacted to 'save children', 'save women', save marginalized',  "Save whales'.  Now it's obvious that all these are 'good causes' but the basic 'con' is 'let me do all this for a fee'.  Increasingly government and 'advocates' are being paid masses of money which rarely reach the 'said project'.  It therefore is a truism that each person is principally 'self serving' and that the basic tenet of capitalisim , which is selfishness, is fundamental. The socialist/communist twist is that individuals are 'selfish on others behalf."  Consequently American and Canada have been described as increasing 'caregivers' and 'victims'.
The fundamental disinformation of today is the excessive use of Rhetoric masquerading as Logic.  To this end the Left are forever using 'ad hominem as their 'weapon of choice'.  "Ad hominem" is 'agaisnt the man'.....therefore we say 'John is an idiot therefore whatever he says about Climate Change is false." ...  John is a Christian so whatever he says about Climate Change is false.  What John is doesn't have any relevance to the validity of Climate Change.  An argument is considered 'fallacious' because it is so full of 'fallacies' (ad hominem is a fallacy).  Rhetoric is so common in marketting circles that people joke, "how do you know a politician is lying? Their lips are moving."  Another fallacy is 'appeal to authority'.  So the IPCC Climate Change Cult claimed to have a 'consensus' of 'scientists' and that the subject of climate change was 'closed'.  Indeed these dangerous UN nutbars actually attempted to legal silence scientists  from the study and refutation of their false claims.  This is big time 'silencing' and the 'methodology of silencing' is so 'unscientific' as to cause any real scientist to realize this is a totalitarian political organization with religous cult delusions and no scientific validity.  Their 'appeal to authority' was further weakened when their 'consensus' of 'scientists' included frauds, journalists, specialists in fruit fly fucking' and so many most unusual scientists with questionable credetionals.  The original IPCC had scientific validity but like lots of good organizations it veered of course as radically as Greenpeace and other such organizations.  S

 So Conspiracy Theories of the Individual against the State aren't that much a 'conspiracy'.  There clearly is motive.  Throughout history there are builders and stealers.  In the Bible there is the description of the building of the temple. Every time the builders picked up building tools the neighbours attacked. As a result they had to divide the builders into builders and protectors, half with swords in their hands and the other half with saws and hammers.

Historically, the king claimed that he needed more and more taxes to protect the peasants from invaders. Clearly when the Moslem Invaders were like ISIS even the money given to mount the defensive crusades was well spent.  Today the threats are of 'terrorists' and now 'climate change'. The world is ending so 'give me all your money'.  In addition taxes to the government with it's wealth and priviledge are already maximized.  Indeed a study at McGill university showed that once taxes were 50 per cent or more the 'risk' against doing crime was reduced sufficiently to warrant the present day development of the Black Market.  In Japan the 'Black Market' became so successful that the Yakusa, or Criminal Leadership are incorporated into government decisions makeing.  One indeed has to ask with the corruption in Canada as evidence by the multi billion dollar drug trade in BC and the Charbonneau Enquiry in Quebec showing the city ruled by mafia and biker gangs.

One has the sense with the level of disinformation in the main stream media and the conflicting opinons on the internet that really all one can hope to know is how many fingers and toes one has.  The rest is literally above one's pay grade.

I've read too many stories now where I was there and know the actual truth of the case and the reporting or monday morning quarter backing is so far off as to be black is white.

I feel often that the Ancients were better in that they had this 'SOAP OPERA" of Gods and Goddesses rampaging and wild sexing in the skies and metaphorically this may be our leadership.

On the other hand maybe the Wall Street leaders are Pillars of Society and my feeling that they are whoring and doing cocaine is caused by Di Capprio, a leftist Hollywood actor with a billion dollar playboy habit.  Look at the silliness of Kardasians and 'Reality Farce" Tv.

Who am I to judge. I pick up a dog's shit each day and watch the tv and read the news.  I just think that there is a 'collective stupidity' that the spiritual called 'sinfulness' in the west and 'maya' in the east.  A world of 'untruth'.  This is because of perception. My knowledge and perspective limit anything that I see. Of course I've this immense mass of formal education and very intensive and extensive experience in the mind, health, thinking, emotionals , biopsychosocial, money, economics, politics, general knowledge, specific knowledge and a whole wealth of learning of advanced physical and mental skills. But at the end of the day I truly believe God loves each individual of the billion or so equally. But in contrast to the nutbars I don't want to have the janitor flying the plane without a license , experience and skills.  I think this latter differentiates me considerably from others. I also don't want the pilot drunk or drugged or belonging to a death cult or going through a divorce.

When I consider the possibilities of what can go wrong I am utterly grateful that I get through a day in a city with so many people with so many problems. The bright side is that most people get by for such a long time.  The glass is full.


Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Knight's Inn, Barriere, BC

Laura and I and Gilbert, the cockapoo, loved our May long weekend stay at Knight's Inn, Barriere, BC.  Barriere is a truly lovely little town about 65 km noth of the beautiful city of Kamloops BC. We'd driven through Barriere several times in the past but never stayed.
Looking at the map and wanting access to lakes, waterways and logging roads we chose Barriere for this long weekend. We had an Yamaha 450, an F350 Ford pick up and had planned to be towing a pontoon boat with our fisherman friend Tom.  Tom became sick before the trip so he and my boat got left behind.
Now we have to return with the boat because I've seen the rivers and lakes.  They are spectacular. Barriere Lakes are especially pristine.  Great fishing.  And in the summer the swimming must be good too.
Planning a week before our trip we found Knight's Inn on the internet and compared this 'dog friendly' place with several other motels nearby.  What was attractive was the in resort restaurant.  We aren't drinkers so the bar wasn't as much of an attraction, but the possibility of an in house night spot to get snacks and cokes was also attractive.
I phoned with a credit card and held a room.
It was raining in almost all of BC that weekend but the temperatures in Kamloops were warmer than Vancouver.  The 4 hour drive really wasn't arduous with the Coquahalla and the beautiful BC Scenery.  Laura and I realized as I drove that we had been too long trapped in the urban traffic jam and parking lot jungle. The wide open skies, blue skies with lots  of cumulus clouds, it was sunny on our drive, and the gorgeous green forested hills as far the eye could see on that high mountain highway: just cleared the cobwebs from the mind.
Both Laura and I love Kamloops so it was nice to stop in the city to get last minute items we didn't think Barriere might have, like speciality cheeses and Blue Sky Gingerale.  As it turned out there actually was a well stocked IGA and local Market store in the town of Barriere.  In the past, when I worked up north, it was the norm for northern towns to be limitted to basic foods and lots of junk foods.  Whatever the reason, it seems increasingly there's a great variety with a whole lot of what was once called 'yuppie foods' available.  Barriere actually has just about everything a small town could want with pharmacy, health centre, RCMP, a couple of gas stations, and mall.
Knights Inn is right in the centre on the highway where the town begins.
The manager was East Indian. An incredibly helpful young man. I asked him where his family was originally from.
"Punjab," he said.
"My grandparents came from Scotland and Ireland."  I told him I'd been to India but only to the south and so wanted to visit the north.
"Sikh or Hindu?" I asked.
"Sikh." he said.
I told him I'd hunted with my Sikh friend, Sonny and had the priviledge to attend an incredibly beautiful Sikh wedding. My Hindu friend's brilliant and beautiful daughter had married a really strong fine charactered Sikh.  The two of them could have been on the cover of a wedding magazine.
This young manager showed me the choice of rooms. Upstairs there were these spacious new rooms with two double beds but on the main floor he also had a single room with queen bed. It was small but the bathroom was spacious. We chose the main floor room because it was close to the back door. This made it really easy to take Gilbert out to the fenced back yard.  Also I didn't have to carry luggage up and down stairs.  As I planned to be daily going out in the truck with the ATV I'd be hauling equipment back and forth.  I asked him and he said that my truck and ATV would be safe because they haven't had a problem with theft because they have cameras around the parking lot. Everything was as the internet said and as we'd been told over the phone.
Laura loved the room.  She's happy if a place is clean and there's a large bath. It wasn't Harrison Hot Springs Spa or the Merriott I've taken her to but it's was a classic northern room. We had fridge and coffee and a view of a meadow with a horse. Gilbert stayed with her when I went out in the woods both of us still concerned with him over using his injured back.  Besides his idea of bear hunting is barking and scaring them away. He's really only a good bird dog.  While I was away,  she and he visitted the horse in the next pasture each day.  The two of them enjoyed nice walks around the Inn. She told me "Gilbert sniffed everything and peed on most everything else."
What we most loved though was the restaurant.  We think it was the hub of the town.  Every day it opened at 7 am and closed around 8 or 9 pm.  All the locals seemed to congregate there. Men discussing machinery and women talking about their children and grand children. It was the best place for great eves dropping. We heard how to fix a water pump, where the best vegetables to buy were, what was happening in the school and all about the local events.
The waitresses were incredible.  Friendly down home. Really good looking. City folk forget what fresh air, exercise and good food does to skin.  They had a great sense of humor too.  Lovely personalities.  The reduced insaniety in the country.   Less  beaurocratic stress,  less of the drugs and alcohol and rage in general makes for a whole different demographic.  People just aren't being shot in the community despite everyone owning guns.  If people are dying it's  not from drug overdoses but from getting into a tractor or logging accident.
The food was to die for too. Knight's Inn has a really terrific chef.
"It's just like my mom's cooking," Laura said.
"This is the kind of meal my father loved best, "  I said.
Each morning we had what Canadians call a 'trucker's breakfast'.  Eggs, bacon, sausages, pancakes, toast.  They had bennies and all sorts of other choices but I just loved their "Mountan Man" breakfast.  Armour Mountain is visible from the Inn, which explained the breakfast sensation's name.
The lunch sandwiches and daily home made soups were equally delicious.  I've tasted a lot of beef barley soups but this one was truly outstanding. As well as a full menu they had daily specials. One night we both had meatloaf and this was the one Laura thought her mom could have made.  What delicious gravy.  We also had a really awesome pizza that they served in the pub.  Better than most Vancouver pizza places.
Alright I loved the home made pie.  Berries and apple with vanilla ice cream. What is northern rural Canada if it's not the home made pie.  Best in the world.  And a bottomless pot of coffee refills kept us sitting there a while reading our phones and sharing the humor on each.
Our city boy Prime Minister Trudeau had just got caught physically bullying in the house of parliament grabbing conservative men and elbowing NDP women, a level of out of control uncouth p aggression  never before seen in the polite hallowed House of Parliament. It was a news filled weekend of 'spin doctoring' and damage control.  With heavy rain outside,  it was fun to sit inside 'playing Facebook', posting political humor and arguing with strangers.
Laura and Gilbert hung out in the Inn when I actually got out on the Yamaha 450 ATV. The rain stopped so I got a chance to really  the cross country ski and snowmobile trails nearby.  I saw lots of deer, a couple of young bucks, a really big black bear that ran away from me really fast, and several big hares that sped away from my ATV. Another afternoon I hiked up the Barriere Lakes trails enjoying the views.  Pine trees and spruce.  Something to be appreciated.
Rather stupidly I ripped the wall on my tire coming too close to a cattle guard.  Thankfully I was in cell range because it turned out I didn't have a jack.  I was actually glad that I'd discovered this deficiency in cellular range relatively near to town.  Having had the truck 5 years I'd never had to change a tire, having got new tires after I purchased the truck second hand from a fellow we only later learned was a truly unsavoury character.
I called Laura and asked her to talk to Knights Inn management because the towing services I found on line were all closed.  The really helpful Knights Inn manager got in touch with the local expert at North River Towing.  There was some emergency phone number they knew and next thing I know this really great guy calls me back.
I explained where I was and  North River Towing found me at the 5 km mark on the trail.  This big bearded guy really knew alot about trucks and towing. I didn't even know Ford had a special locking nut on each wheel to protect against theft and another locking tool to attach to the end of the piece used to unscrew the spare tire.  I had to search the truck all over showing him different parts till I found what was needed.  Then I held the light while he worked. He got right in under the truck with his winch.  I'd unloaded the ATV for him but still, he was amazingly fast and fearless.  It was muddy raining and dark.
I know I've changed tires on cars but not on a big truck in the mud at night on a logging road in the middle of nowhere.  I really did appreciate his skill and knowledge. Told me he'd come to Barriere in 1963 and talked about watching the community develop.  I sure was thankful for his help.  I enjoyed all his knowledge too, not only did the work but explained why he did things. He'd had a lot of experience and could have been a college instructor.
Next day Laura and I were sad to be leaving Knights Inn.  It really was a friendly homey place. They had just done a whole lot of renovations especially inside the rooms but there was just a little heart warming touch of Indian 'juryrig" in the door handles.  They had the northern standard push shut door lock from my childhood schooldays but a piece of wire had been thread through the door so someone could more easily pull them open from the outside.  In India I saw a lot of these 'solutions' . Mountain men think the same way. You see this kind of thinking in the old homesteads. I liked that.  And all round that was the flavour of the place, country homey, clean and friendly, Canadin north.
We really did like our stay there and would gladly come back again.

Sunday, May 15, 2016


Every year or two I look at ‘rate your doctor’ and consider retiring. There are such vehemently angry complaints that it’s hard to forget the obvious truisms:
1) You can’t please everyone.  I want to but I don’t need to.  I was actually ‘mr. popularity’ in school. To be ‘popular’ one has to be a ‘people pleaser’  and I can be a very good people pleaser.  However good doctors simply aren’t functioning on the same basis as ‘car salesman’ or ‘government beurocrats’.  Doctors who are no longer clinicians rarely admit to themselves their cowardice and how hard front line work is.  It’s the same with soldiering. Leading from the rear is very popular today. It wasn’t always so. When I was a family physician I was really loved and admired.  As a family physician one is there to ‘serve’ one’s patients and rarely is in conflict with the patient except ,as I found, the ‘psychiatric’ patients or the ‘criminals’.  In ‘physical medicine’ while a ‘diagnosis’ might be unwelcome, like ‘cancer’, it’s not ‘blamed on the doctor’.  By contrast as a psychiatrist I have been spat in the face when I advised a patient of my “diagnosis’ because ‘psychiatric diagnosis’ and especially ‘drug and alcohol abuse’ diagnosis carry stigma and ‘consequence’.
2) You chose psychiatry despite an extensive interview process in which those doctors before you explained that you as a psychiatrist you would be necessarily ‘unliked’ and even ‘vilified’ if you did your job well.  So why I am saddened today when I have such vicious and deceitful attacks on my character and my behaviour 30 years of practices and tens of thousands of patients later?  Probably because I’m increasingly told to treat the patient as a ‘customer’ and give them whatever they want even if it kills them.  Just make sure you ‘record’ what the authorities want to hear and ‘cover your ass’ like they do.
3) The College of Physicians and Surgeons across Canada have had to acknowledge that doctors working in the field of drug and alcohol addiction are the most complained against and those working with criminals are the second most complained against. Indeed there are class action suits against “Rate Your Doctor’ by psychiatrists because our ‘duty’ to society requires us to report people who are dangerous to themselves or others.  I am forever hated by a number of pedophiles I diagnosed in my practice and reported to the authorities or ‘forced’ them to self report.  I am forever despised by a number of people who felt they had the ‘right’ to kill their ex and I reported them to the authorities when they were not open to discussion of alternatives.  I am forever loathed by a number of people who I ‘locked’ up because they were acutely suicidal or extremely psychotic.  They lived and they got sane but they didn’t come back to see me because to them I was part of the ‘bad time’ and they thought I was ‘authoritarian’ and ‘over reacted’ and maybe felt they had the right to say they were going to ‘kill themselves’ and had a gun or planned to jump off a bridge that night.  I am forever hated by the men who I have told the RCMP I believed should not have the ‘right to own a gun’.  One has actually come to my office after learning this and threatened me.  I believe I made the right decision but I saw a very ‘reasonable sounding ‘ Rate Your Doctor ‘complaint’ the next day. I looked because he did say he would hurt me as I hurt him.  Some of the patients I consulted on  told me they were going to kill themselves then ran out of the office leaving me ‘with their bombshell’ and I phoned the police rather than having to live with the consequence if they had killed themselves.  Never as a family physician did I face any of this ‘level ‘ of responsibility or decision making.  As a general psychiatrist and psychotherapist I didn’t either.  But as a consultant psychiatrist working with patients with drug and alcohol problems and specializing in trauma and head injury (with their particularly interesting forms of psychosis and dissociation) I have had immense levels of difficulty that I can’t imagine how I would have handled years past when I only had 12 years of education and experience but a psychiatry specialist degree fresh on the wall.  I liked when I worked in the hospital or university or mental health team because we never had as much work as I do today and always got to sit in committees or consult each other and think about cases and work as ‘team’ so I was never so alone making a decision.
4) Forensic Psychiatry - I’ve worked with a whole lot of criminals, murderers , pedophiles, drug addicts, thieves, institutionalized criminals and not a few ‘jailhouse lawyers’.  Most of my colleagues simply never encounter these folk or avoid them out right. Naturally ‘anti social’ people account for the majority of complaints but rarely tell the truth about what happened including  a key component in their complaint  like ‘dr hay refused to give me valium’ or ‘dr hay refused to give me opiates or oxycontin’ or “dr hay refused to diagnose me add and give me speed," or ‘doctor hay refused to give me medical marijuana (he prescribed it to another guy I know)” or “doctor hay refused to say I was ‘disabled’ for life so I can collect disability for life.”  or ‘dr hay wouldn’t say I couldn’t work ever again because of my depression’ or ‘dr hay refused to take out of his report the part about my doing crack cocaine and heroin’ daily’, or ‘dr hay’s report told my insurance company that I was working two jobs and they cut me off my disability insurance because he fucked me over’ or ‘dr hay said I needed to join some group but he doesn’t understand that I have social phobia or agoraphobia’, “dr hay said I need to join a group if I have drug and alcohol problems and all I wanted to do was see him and talk about how everyone else puts me down’.  “Dr. Hay disagreed with my diagnosis that I read on Google that fits me.”  “Dr. Hay won’t order me an MRI because my lawyer says that would help my case.”  “Dr. Hay told my lawyer I had three previous brain injuries and I didn’t want my lawyer to know that.”  “Dr. Hay told my family physician that I had a half dozen complaints against doctors to human rights and the college and now my family physician won’t see me anymore’.  “Dr. Hay told my family physician that I’d never been in the military and that I hadn’t been wounded and that I was lying to get medications. I was getting oxycontin from this guy for a year but can’t now  because Dr. Hay fucked me over.”
5) Cherry picking - this is the way most doctors run a lucrative and successful practice.  If you avoid a) personality disorders especially ‘cluster b’ or ‘borderline”  b) impoverished c) divorcing people d) people with drug and alcohol history e) ptsd and anger issues f) people with pain disorder and major medical disabilities g) ethnic and aboriginal people with the increased complexity of problems h) LGBT patients with their long histories of discriminations and consequent sensitivities…etc…you can indeed have a very lucrative and successful psychiatric practice. Another way is to see the same people indefinitely at weekly intervals and mother them.  Never say anything that is ‘disagreeable’.  Indeed most ‘counsellors’ and most ‘psychologists’ dependent on the patient as ‘customer’ are very adept at this approach.  However as a psychiatrist I am by contrast ‘consulting to a family physician’ as opposed to just seeing the patient directly. Therefore every patient has another person in the room with them. Further I am held to the highest standard of ‘diagnostic’ and ‘treatment’ protocols which have must have a high association of reducing morbidity and mortality. I can’t do all the shit the homeopathic doctors do for the ‘worried well ‘ and ‘rich’ and ‘get away with it”.  By contrast ‘holistic healers’ are play acting in the real world of medicine without ‘accountability’ and yet have much of the benefits that have been long fought for by physicians.  No wonder we have ‘rug doctors’.  I am accountable to ‘science’ and ‘scientific evidence’ and can lose my license as well as my business as well as be sued and yes I can have complaints against me, if I don't. These complaints, not on ‘rate your doctor’ ,but in other forums routinely cost me $10,000 a piece in time and cost and loss of income. I would gladly avoid them but believe if I did that I would increasingly not be practicing medicine or psychiatry but rather practicing law, bureaucracy or some easier more lucrative thing like say, being a “ drug pusher for the multinationals’ .   If I’m in the ‘business’ of medicine I avoid these hazards routinely by ‘cherry picking’.  I ‘specialized in seeing ‘borderline personality disorders’ for many years as a psychotherapist and moved on to ptsd and then drug and alcohol addictions.  It’s common for me to see a person with a half dozen diagnosis and multiple failed treatments or to be seeing a patient with at least a half dozen other caregivers and often a lawyer or two involved in their care.  Summed up I have concluded that I have chosen over the years to work in the areas of ‘greatest need’.  When I worked as a fly in doctor in the north, the Northern Medicine Unit had advertised for the position I took for 2 years and I went to many Indian reserves that hadn’t seen a doctors in years.
6) Cherry picking - Psychoanalytically trained we all learned that the ‘best’ (safest and most grateful and most responsive) was a YAFFIE.  Young, Attractive, Anxious Financially well off, Fun, Intelligent and insightful and Expressive was the best patient. The psychologists and counsellors have like in every other field of endeavour taken this ‘cream’ of mental health work away from the doctors. It’s the same with obstetricians and midwives. The midwives do the ‘easy’ work and the obstetricians are left doing the tough work.  As doctors we are all now doing the heavy lifting and being paid less than those who are specifically living the life  of O’ Reilly because the minute anything becomes ‘tough’ they ‘refer it’ to the doctor or ‘worse’ , the ‘specialist’.  Being a ‘specialist’ is financially fucked today.  When I began I had a practice of loveable ’neurotics’  (they get under their skin”) and 20 years later I found my practice was mostly ‘personality disorders’ (they get under your skin).  Meanwhile my pay scale had decreased, my job satisfaction had reduced, my psychology colleagues were by contrast richer and everyone enjoyed referring their failures and difficult patients to me because psychiatrists and other specialists are the ‘last resort’.  We are lifes’ ‘garbage dump whereas the lucrative and really happy happy easy work and well paid work has been taken over by the ‘alternative health care’ and “allied health care professionals”.  They system is fucked and doctors are striking in England and working to rule in Ontario. And most of my colleagues at my age with my experience and training are trying find ways to avoid seeing difficult case rather than embracing them as they would if the system wasn’t fucked by the incredibly incompetent, inexperience, overpaid, lazy, entitled unaccountable administration.  
6) A week doesn’t go by that a referring gp asks me to see someone and confesses that as many as 50 other psychiatrists have refused to the see the patient. I turn down 10 consults a week.  Apparently I’ve got the lowest standards.  I routinely hear “ I’m sorry to ask you to see another one of my tough cases. I tried referring this to someone else but I called up 20 psychiatrists and they’ve all refused and I know you would but I feel it’s not fair to ask you again.’  I try to keep a few spots for ‘less complicated’ cases. I’m getting phone calls through the night and weekends and even when I’m out of the country, mostly because. “no one else will listen to me’.
7) I used to have two thirds of my patients as what I called the ‘ferraris  did ‘tune ups’ on while  a third of my practice could be described as ferrraris needing complete overhauls.  Somehow that became flipped and now I’m lucky if I’ve got a tenth of my practice who could be described as more ‘neurotic’ than otherwise. I’m really thankful when I see patients that have jobs.
8)More and more patients want me to ‘collude’ with their being off work or on insurance.  They are not looking for ‘therapy’ they are actually shopping for a ‘diagnosis’ which will suit their ‘work requirements ‘ and ‘insurance concerns’. A week or two doesn’t go by when someone objects to a diagnosis because it could ‘hurt’ them and we are in conflict.  As a result I increasingly am compromised. I record “situational alcohol abuse’ rather than ‘alcoholism’ because the patient threatens me in some overt or covert way.  I can’t know for sure but I’m worn down. I also get to read consults by my university colleagues and they’ve mostly sold out. They don’t even record the personality disorder, or the substance abuse or anything that the patient might be ‘offended’ by.  Meanwhile I’m condemned outright for being patient advocate and going to the supreme court in a pro bono fight for the right of doctors to be the advocate of the patient when the courts and the state want the doctor to work for them. I was with the psychiatrists against political abuse of psychiatry and have defended the most down and out patients repeatedly against the full weight of the ‘system’ and have been smeared by association.
Ian Magrew  summarized my patient as a ‘coke addict’ in the Vancouver Sun and was 180 degrees wrong in his reporting like half the reporting in the news today. Journalists today are so collectively considered ‘bought’ or ‘sold out’ or ‘biased’  or ‘corporate’ that the ‘comments’ on their articles are essentially the equivalent of  ‘rate your journalist’.  CBC closed down feed back because of the incompetence of journalists and how unpopular journalists are for their reporting of stories. They condemned the readers as ‘haters’ never considering that their journalism was the cause of such negative feedback which extends throughout the society.  Increasingly people have to turn to the internet to get the ‘facts’ because mainstream journalism is so ‘corporate’ and ‘biased’ or often just ‘outright wrong”. In the case in point,  I couldn’t even respond at the time to the highly offensive Vancouver Sun article because the case was still in court. So  paid scribblers like Ian Magrew can write the most outrageously erroneous material without fear of rebuttal because in most cases the lawyers advise those involved not to respond to Ian Magrew’s yellow journalism as it would negatively affect their on going cases.  Ian Magrew reduced my patient to ‘coke addict’ despite her being a decade clean and sober. But his stigmatizing the mentally ill and those who suffer from addiction killed her as much as journalists have killed countless with their condescending words and careless reporting.”Loose lips sink ships” They are not held accountable for their bias and irresponsibility and mostly don’t believe in truth which is possible for those who only work in ‘words’ . There was no stigma attached to general practice but there is a hell of a stigma attached to treating the mentally ill, especially those with drug and alcohol abuse and especially those with HIV or Hep C.  The head of the American Psychiatric Association says that Stigma of Mental Illness is shared by the psychiatrists much like no one wanted the “leper doctors’ to come to dinner.  It didn’t matter to Ian Magrew that the patient died or that eventually my lawyers defended me successfully. He had his ‘sensationalism’ and got paid his pieces of silver.   He never mentioned that all the cases he condemned me in were pro bono cases, that my assistance in the court cases was because the people I assisted had been financially ruined and marginalized and I had helped them because I believed they were being bullied and abused because they were mentally ill not because they were wrong. He’s a word smith and a review of his work shows he plays to the rich and to the judges.  He plays it safe and smart.  My friend Dugald Christie who started the Pro Bono Lawyer association said the failure of the courts today is that they no longer serve the lower classes or even the middle classes. I believe Dugald Christie would say the same of  Ian Magrew.The now dead woman had been bankrupted by the courts that have made Ian Magrew a very wealthy man.  That woman’s family  had mortgaged their house and been financially destroyed by the man that Ian Magrew championed.  That man who Ian Magrew chose to champion had in deed lost his license to practice.  The judge took the child from her mother who was ruined defending her and Ian Magrew summarized her as a ‘coke addict’ despite her long and arduous road to recovery. .  Ian Magrew himself hasn’t faced being drug tested.  He can dish it out but certainly can’t take it.  The only one involved in that court who had been drug tested was the poor mother who Ian Magrew continued to stigmatize as a  ‘coke addict’.  10 years clean and sober fighting for her child didn’t count to the sanctimonious Ian Magrew who would never dare to truly offend the courts because they, not their victims, are his bread and butter.  The stigma against the mentally ill and those who have suffered drug and alcohol abuse is very very real and the courts despite the 10 to 20% of judges and lawyers suffering from addiction has been slow to respond.  Journalists collectively have refused drug testing and newspapers, especially Vancouver Newspapers refuse to drug test their journalists en mass despite the rest of Canadians in ’safety sensitive’ industries being subjected to this only to be criticized by actively addicted marijuana, alcohol or heroin users who act out their drug induced aggression against those who have recovered from theirs. Countless research studies in psychiatry have shown that the  Media continues to be as outdated and ignorant as Ian Magrew for they continue to stigmatize and sensationalize the mentally ill the addicted and those who serve them.   If anything Ian Magrew’s writing shows its the continued ignorance of  journalists and the stigma against the mentally ill, the courts bias against the poor, and the terrible need for education and drug testing of journalists. When will a person be ‘good enough’ for Ian Magrew.  If there was a ‘rate your journalist’ I’d rate Ian Magrew as a outright unforgivable ’toadie’, a sensationalist yellow journalist, whose biases are blatant and whose writing is downright stupid.  Half the time reading him  because of his  tangentialism I want to ask what is that man smoking. He seems a terribly spiteful little shit as well so I would guess that few would care to challenge a man who has used words to beat up on the mental ill and those who have recovered from mental illness.  I miss the days when court reporter criticized the judges for their poor decisions and held the court to a higher standard rather than such obvious toadying and politically correct protecting the authorities with the kind of reporting that was celebrated in Pravda but should not be the staple of the Vancouver Sun.  Rather than Paul Simon singing where have you gone Joe DiMaggio we should all be singing ‘where have you gone court reporters’.  Ian Magrew is to court reporting what Kanye West is to music.  Court Toady.  Were there a College of Journalists to revoke his hack license, he’d be kicked out and depend on writing jingles for marijuana for his income.
9) I’m seeing an increasingly older population with worsening health so my patients have increasing health problems, a half dozen or more right now with major cancer illness, a half dozen or more with severe Crohn’s disease, a dozen or two with unstable diabetes, a dozen or more with severe endocrine disorders, many with heart disease, ex smokers with severe COLD, Hep C, HIV, dozens with major head trauma, I’ve only a half dozen or so conventional schizophrenics and I enjoy them as a ‘break’ from the world of ‘personality disorders’ I’m usually mired in.  Schizophrenia is easier for me to treat than schizoaffective disorder but I have a dozen or so schizoaffectives.  I enjoy the helping the transgendered patients and LGB patients because like my severe PTSD patients they’ve had a whole lot of persecutions.  The torture patients I treat are surprisingly the most grateful.  I’m treating dozens of muslims, christians, catholics, sikhs, hindus, pagans, and atheists, people of every colour. .  It’s complicated.  I am a Christian and I envy my Christian psychiatrist friend whose practice is 90% Christian and white.  I’ve done cross cultural psychiatry for decades but increasingly the ‘cherry picking’ is with a colleague who works with ‘predominantly LGBT” or “women only’  or mostly aboriginals’ and then they have the advantage they can ’skew’ their practice to the ’special needs’.  There was even one psychiatrist in Vancouver who following on the YAFFIE selection only treated ‘doctors’ and was greatly admired.  
9) I ask myself daily if I’m doing a good job. I use the old fashioned criteria that includes 30 years plus of ‘referrals’ and continued referrals from the family physicians I most admire in the city.  I also receive personal referrals from the heads of several university departments and treat people from all walks of life. I’ve treated multimillionaires, many olympic athletes, famous media people, professors, and countless street people. Most colleagues I know have practices with a very narrow focus  in comparison. The family physicians I most admire are as stupid as I am because  they go the extra mile for  patients.  I love them each individually because despite most often not knowing them personally I’ve heard some tidbit about them from the dozens of patients I’ve seen of theirs over the years. Just last week I heard of one of my favourite guys who refers to me making home visits to a patient who didn’t understand how rare that was.  Patients usually don’t realize what they’ve got till it’s gone. I’ve had dozens of patients come back to me and frankly tell me that the other psychiatrists only saw them for 10 minutes and only prescribed medications or didn’t tell them anything about themselves.
10) When I was a conventional psychoanalytic oriented psychiatrist no one knew anything about me and when I was doing strict psychopharmacology no one knew anything about me anymore than they did when I was a city gp. But when I was a country gp everyone knew everything about me, the same as when I was a country psychiatrist.  Further when I began to work in the area of personality disorder, ptsd and addiction I learned that ‘story telling ‘ was one of the most effective therapies whereas if I retained the ‘aloof’ parental position as opposed to the ‘uncle or aunt’ role in therapy I got nowhere. People ‘rejected’ outright what had been told to them ‘directly’ but couldn’t reject what was told to them indirectly. Years of extra advanced training in these forms of psychotherapy, structural, hypnosis, 12 step facilitation, and strategic all contributed to a very high success rate in getting people ‘back to work’ , off drugs and alcohol or healthy and moving on from therapy.  “i want to feel happy’ isn’t what the government is paying psychiatrists to do.  One pays out of ones own pocket for a ‘feel good’ counsellor but my job as a psychiatrists is as the ‘high paid help’ We are expected to judge our therapy on ‘morbidity and mortality’ and by outcome measures such as return to work, community involvement, stopping negative behaviour.
I will never forget when I shared how broken up I was by a patient suiciding at a local conference of psychiatry and one of my colleagues 30 years older at the time, stood up and said condescendingly “I”ve practiced psychiatry for 30 years and never had one patient committ suicide.”  I will forever love Dr. Brown who was Head of Riverview at the time and had the most experience in the city with the most difficult cases, standing up to my defence saying, “I know Dr. Hay is practicing psychiatry but I don’t what the hell you’ve been doing for 30 years.”  As anyone knows that if you are a soldier and hang out in Ottawa you will certainly not shoot anyone or be likely to get wounded. As every surgeon knows if you work in the front lines you will lose a patient or two. Indeed the more ‘risky’ the patients you treat the greater the risk of the patient dying. It’s become a problem in the US with Legal medicine that patients with severe problems not only can’t get insurance for them but can’t get doctors because the doctors can’t afford to take the risk that losing a patient would have on their insurance  coverage.  Canada is rapidly moving in this direction. One of the principal reasons for patients being unable to see doctors or have a doctor under the MSP public health care system is because doctors get paid the least and face the greatest risk seeing patients.  When I worked on salary with a government agency I saw 10 patients a week at most and had countless committee meetings instead.  We all congratulated ourselves too. In Private Practice I see 50 to 100 patients a week as a specialist where as private practice generalists see 200  to 300 patients a week.  A psychologist once told me that she had seen 10 patients with anorexia and considered herself the local ‘authority’.  At the time I ‘d seen some thousand or so patients with eating disorders but consider my colleague the ‘authority’ as he did an extra year of training beyond specialist level and has seen tens of thousands of patients with eating disorders.  It matters.  My gp colleague is delivering the children of the mothers he delivered and knows his patients for decades. I have several patients I’ve seen off and on over 30 years.  I’ve seen all the family of one patient over a 20 year stretch so have an amazing in depth and extended knowledge of this patient.  One visit with me every 5 to 10 years after that first year of therapy saves the health care system tens of thousands of dollars such a case. The horrendous lack of training and competence in health care administration is that there is literally millions of dollars of duplications of services.
Increasingly no one wants to do more than a ‘consult’. Consults get paid more than ongoing therapy but if one focuses on the loyal and happy ‘customer’ then one can indeed have an ‘easy’ practice whereas I’ve always had a combination of ‘consultation’ and therapy. Increasingly the patients who I don’t think would benefit from therapy are angry with me for refusing to accept them because frankly no one is willing to see this person weekly for an hour on the ‘government’ dime and these patients who are most wanting to be in therapy can’t afford counsellors or psychologists.  One of the essential keys to ‘rationing’ scarce resources and to ‘triaging patients’ is to decide if therapy would ‘alter’ the outcome of the patients case. Hence i have some patients I see for psychiatric psychotherapy because I believe I can improve their ‘morbidity’ or ‘mortality’.  I see a patient with heart disease for many years because he was told he would die and we both enjoy seeing him outlive the ‘predictions’.  I see some cancer patients because it improves their longevity.  I further have seen some students who were failing but now have gone on to getting masters and Ph’d’s.  I have enjoyed the ‘external’ criteria for success like using the ‘recovery ‘ and ‘days abstinent’ for assessment of my work.  I also encourage patients to leave my practice when they are well or have made as much progress as I believe they can at this time, while I leave the door open for return.  If I was in a private psychology practice I wouldn’t discourage a paying ‘customer’.  Psychoanalysis started as a year long therapy and because of the lucrative nature and the desire of the satisfied customer went on for 10 or more years. This is fine in a private paying system but in a public health care system I have accepted that I have a responsibility to the group as well as the individual.  One of my colleagues saw the same 40 people for 40 years roughly. If that was in the private pay system it would be good business.If I want to go to the same masseuse once a week for 40 years and pay out of pocket for this service it’s just fine.
However I did two years of community medicine and public health training in addition to psychiatry so I’ve been forever ruined because I think of the health care system and encourage ‘good’ patients who ‘love’ me to leave home without me.  In fact when I’m really looking forward to seeing a patient this is one of my counter transference criteria for raising the question of termination of therapy.  With psychopharmacology in contrast there is a diminishing need to see the patient and from initial assessment period of visits the frequency and length of time of visit can reduce to the standard every 6 month or year visit or transfer back to the general practice.  Mostly patients don’t want to transfer back to the general practitioner and most general practitioners want you to continue to manage the complex medication so the system gets bogged down and waitlists grow.  Also because everyone is trying to avoid upsetting patients because upset patient complain to the college and college complaints cost the practitioner thousand of dollars a lot of ‘dependent personality disorders’ and “hypochondriac’s are seen ad infinitum with no change in their health because they are ‘addicted to their therapist’ like a drug.  I get as many complaints from refusing to continue to see a patient as I do from seeing a patient. It’s like the horror i went through getting patients off benzodiazepines  The withdrawal process was as bad as the disease and the same occurs with ’termination of patients’ in therapy.  It’s so tough that junior doctors avoid it like the plague and everyone colludes to a very expensive tea time rather than doing the work of therapy which involve ‘learning to leave home’.  I am facing a complaint right now because a patient using alcohol and crystal meth wants to talk with me and wants me to diagnose him as being well and without a mental disorder. However I have explained to such patients without giving them a psychiatric diagnosis I can’t get paid. A week doesn’t go by that a patient doesn’t expect or ask me to do something for free but they’d never do this to a lawyer or a mechanic or any other business owner.  They get angry that I won’t do something and yet don’t understand that I do hundreds of hours of pro bono work and give thousands to charity and do all manner of volunteer service but in their eyes “you’re just a selfish uncaring bastard to not do this for me.” Every day my secretaries are asked to do unpaid services for patients who are incredibly entitled.  Often someone  sees the photocopy machine or fax machine and wants the secretary to work for them doing things wholly unrelated to their mental health issues. One patient used my secretary as their answering service having her forward their calls.  I’ve lost several staff because of patients threatening and bullying them.  Only other business owners in my practice understand the whole idea of ‘overhead’ and don’t assume the doctor is a ‘free service’.
I was in charge of the suicide ward at an asylum where the suicde rate was 5 -10 per year with 30 attempts per year. I reduced it to no deaths and less than 10 attempts only to see administration wanting then to cut back the resources because the ‘problem had been solved’.  Administration in psychiatry penalizes good work. The doctors who are most rewarded do not ‘cure’ but rather maintain the illness at a ‘manageable level’.  Hence in addiction right now the doctors most lauded are those introducing ‘safe injection sites’ which do not cause ‘abstinence’ but keep people sick but alive.  It’s probably not intentional but it’s fairly factual.  The Abortionists could make more  than the Obstetricians and I’ve been offered more money to prescribe marijuana than I was ever offered to get people off marijuana.
11) But increasingly I don’t want to justify myself. I’m looking forward to dying because most doctors I know don’t see themselves being able to ‘afford’ to retire.  Further none can find anyone to take over their practices so are even more hated for ‘abandoning’ their patients.  I dreamed of a ‘retirement’ or even ‘cherry picking’ a ‘safe practice’ by avoiding seeing any of those people who are ‘haters’ and ‘complainer’s and ‘liars’. My favourite Rate Your Doctor complaints are the active ‘crack addict’ who worked for me and hurt so many of my patients because she lied so much about her past and was promoted by a minister and some men who subsequently told me were her customers.  I fired her because she hurt a number of my patients but the damage this psychopath did to my patients and practice was amazing. In spite she also wrote a half dozen ‘rate your doctor’ complaints.  My other favourite is the old millionaire alcoholic I saw with a 40 ounce habit a day who wanted to see me for psychotherapy to talk about his ‘stress’ but became incensed that I diagnosed him as having ‘alcohol abuse’ in the first ‘assessment hour’.  As a psychiatrist I am required to make an assessment in 1-2 hours and was criticized by the licensing body when I had not made one in 5 sessions, apparently 3 sessions being some ‘unwritten maximum’ . Our
Royal College Examination requires that we have a diagnosis after 1-2 hours.  I have reviewed dozens of diagnosis from university departments and all of the psychiatrists there would not pass their Royal College exams today for their ‘missing diagnosis’ .  The diagnosis they most often ‘miss’ are ‘drug and alcohol abuse’ and ‘sexual diagnosis’ and anything deemed ‘political incorrect’.  They are “playing the game’ and are not doing their job of setting a high standard but cowardly doing ‘feel good’ psychiatry and avoiding at all costs anything that could be controversial such as a ‘axis II diagnosis’.   So ‘sins of omission’ are rewarded and ‘sins of commission’ condemned.
12) My windows were shot out.  Countless times I’ve had empty bottles smashed at my door step.  My cat was killed. My dog was murdered. My girlfriends car had empty beer bottles smashed on it. My family have been threatened and I have had my life threatened repeatedly.  Right now a man is emailing me telling me he is going to kill my dog.  Every one of these cases has involved a diagnosis of drug or alcohol abuse and in every occasion the person’s job was affected because they were told if they didn’t get ‘treatment’ then they would not have their job, so they have tried in every way possible to ‘kill the messenger’.  If only doctor hay  had not diagnosed them as ‘drug and alcohol abuse’ then all these bad consequences would not be occurring.  I have to date met with very mixed  support from my superiors but continued to do what I was taught and followed the laws and recommendations.  But a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of retiring or just ‘cherry picking’ is the answer.  On really bad days, I think I’ll completely sell out and become a  court reporter.  I could go into administration and escape the front lines.  The trouble is I don’t think they want truth or experience. The key today is in constructivism and marketing. Propaganda, political correctness and platitudes.  There is physician assisted suicide.  Get in on the ground floor like with early abortions when the extreme cases were being used to sell another of today’s  most lucrative death industries.   Death sells.  Follow the money.  Get with the program.  Do no harm and patient advocacy are clearly ‘on the wrong side of history’.  It is 2016, to quote Trudeau.

Alternatively I could just not read "Rate Your Doctor" until they allow "Rate Your Judge".