Easter Sunday March 31,2024

Christ is risen. Hallelujah! 

 I arrived late for the St. Barnabus Anglican Service.  It had been a toss up if I was going to be able to be  there at all.  I’d finally bought a new right sized mattress and a leather couch from the Brick. I’d asked they deliver Sunday afternoon as I’d be in church Sunday morning. Last night the automatic notice said they’d arrive between 830 and 11. I also had a meeting of the Western Canada Doctors in Recovery.  I’d also been attending the North Shore Round Up this weekend and their spiritual speaker was usually Sunday morning.  

I wanted my couch.  I’d called the Junk folk and had the one destroyed by cat and dog removed last week.  I’d been in a camp chair this week.  I’m so spoiled. I like to lie on the couch and watch tv 7 to 9 , my relaxation before reading for bed.  The destroyed couch was leaking innards and uncomfortable for my back.  Dr. Ready the chiropracter had fit me in on Thursday because he was going away for the weekend.  I was thankful for the few days of relief and had been walking a lot.  I’ve taken Madigan to his favourite off leash dog park each day. It’s also a favourite of other small dog owners. He now barks when we drive by.

I enjoyed the WDIR meeting and figured those I knew as Christian would have church services at 11.  Because St. Barnabus is shared on Sunday with the United church our service is at 10.  I enjoyed the meeting knowing I’d need to leave if the couch arrived. It arrived at 10 15.  

I love moving guys. I worked as a mover in London a half century ago. I actually moved a piano up three flights of stairs. Now I watched as the three guys took my king mattress which I had replaced the California King Matrees when I wanted a Queen mattress which fit the bed frame.  In Covid I just sucked up errors others made glad for what I got. Madigan had made a cave beside the bed under the overhanging King.  Now I have space around the mattress.  Changing the sheets won’t be a nightmare. I’ll even have room in the closet and drawers now accessible for clothing. 

I love the couch. It’s genuine leather and a power recliner. The minute the movers left I reclined on it. I’ve put the bed cover on the mattress and put a lock on the bed room door.  Madigan likes to chew on toys on the bed damaging sheets and pillow and comforters .  He’s three now.  The last three year of puppy have been an experience.  He is why I can’t have ‘nice ‘ things.’ The day he tore up the goose down comforter was most memorable. He was so proud he’d slayed big bird.  The cat and he like to scratch the couch.  The cat has died and I’ve not replaced him .  He loved to scratch leather.  Madigan still will bury a bone in the couch so I’m getting a cover . He’s outgrown his worst behaviours but frankly I don’t trust him.  I’m hopeful I’ll find a couch cover at Walmart or I’ll just get another mexican blanket.  He’s banned from the bedroom when I’m away. That’s when he’s gets up to most mischief.  As for the couch I plan to watch him like a hawk. It’s a really nice couch ..

My frienda are bear hunting April 1.. I’m supposed to be studying advanced towing so I can pull my big toy hauler. I could just load the camper on the truck and take guns and dog out to the woods for a week.  I’m not that much of a fan of bear meat .  I would like driving about on the quad with Madigan. I can take the Starlink and computer and continue to work virtual so I’d have some time away to justify loading the camper on the truck. I used to do that for a few days whereas now its a lot of work and being able to have a longer weekend or spread hunting over two weekends is better. 

Today the sunny weather makes that all appealing but when it’s raining and cold I’d just as soon be home . I’m not enjoying rain and cold , not that I ever did.

The oysters here at the Boathouse were delicious . Now the clam chowder has arrived . We loved the walk along the sea wall.  The flowers in bloom are beautiful.  Harbinger of the Tulip festival I will attend this month .  Rituals.

My Oxford course on Rituals and Religions begins soon. I’ve begun reading the book and looking forward to study and learning

The opposite of addiction is connection was the topic of WDIR.  The NSRoud Up theme was community.  The disease of alcoholism and addiction so negatively affect the brain reward pathways that we become anxious and depressed listening to the delusional thinking, last night’s speaker called ‘alcalogic’. A good term.  

Here I am in the sunshine another Easter Day,  My dog has finished his burger and wants my attention. He doesn’t like fish so the oysters and clam chowder both would be wasted on him. I’m loving the spring sunshine.  This clam chowder is delicious. 

Boathouse New Westminster is becoming again a true favourite for dining.

Christ has risen.  Hallelujah.  I enjoyed seeing Priest Emily and talking with Helen and Margaret.  God is good all of the time.  Thank you Jesus. 

  

Good Friday 2024

I am here and now in the multiverse. I imagine that the cross has been made and is waiting for Jesus to carry it along the Via Dolorosa.  The tale of Government, Church and World authority falsely accusing, betraying, torturing, beating and humiliating the Son of God who came to earth to teach and heal is in the DNA.  My mother taught me to pray on my knees beside my bed beside her, sharing faith and love.  My Dad joked and said he belonged to the Round Church where there weren’t any corners that the devil could catch him in.  

Tonight all creation past, present, and future with be rent with the sigh of the dying human, Jesus.  In years gone by I have felt more religious, more ‘with it’ spiritually.Today there’s a conventionality and less emotionality of the prodigal son.  It’s less I was lost and now I’m found than it is the footprints in the sand. I still love Phillips Book, Your God is Too Small.

Yesterday I picked up From Black Land to Fifth Sun , the book by Fagan about sacred places.

I have been blessed to have been to London, Rome and Jerusalem. It was as important as my visit to Maguerafelt and Aberdeen.  Perhaps the whole of earth feels holy compared to other planets though an infinite number of Jesus may have incarnated everywhere and every when. Or this is a shattered holographic plate or minuscule strand of DNA.  The microcosm and microcosm.  

Jesus prays this day preparing to do his Father’s will, truthfully, not relatively truthfully but truthfully, no approximation but fateful and determined wedding the free will of Creator and creation.  

I am small and vulnerable and find solace in Good Friday.  Maybe with my death I’ll rent the skies and conquer hell and rise to heaven showing my friends my scars before I fly.  Good Friday is more relatable with the cur Trudeau our Local Herod throwing taxes and police at us Canadians and using his troops to trample with horse peaceful demonstrators. I suppose Biden is Pontius Pilote and perhaps Xi Jin Ping or Putin is.  Any one of them might be Tiberius.  Tiberius , Roman Emperor at the time of the Crucifixion of Jesus and the boss of Pontius Pilate and superior to Herod, he doesn’t get the phlegm he deserves.  The fear of authority on earth is such that the ‘middle management’ Pontinus Pilate gets blamed while Tiberius is not on the front lines, a back room leader, a money man, maybe Klaus or Gates or Rothschild , some person who can keep their name out of the records so the Pope, Constantine the direct descendent of the Roman Empire and Tiberius, can be whitewashed. The winner writes history.

The times were worse than today with Baccanalia, animal sex and scenes to make the Kardasians Blush, the Roman Empire so much more refined that the courts of Atilla the Hun, Gheghis Khan, Sultans andd Moguls, Pagan superstions,and later Mohamed and worst of all the godless communist murderers Lenin and Mao with their execution chambers for innoscents and intelligent .  Like the gas chambers of Auschwitz for Jews,  Gypsy’s, Polish and homosexuals by the nightmare Hitler, a little man, a corporal .  All of this is within for the past is gone like degraded computer memories.  Zeros and ones in binary codes  dissipate with time.

There is only now. This day, Good Friday.  I will move through it and feel nauseous with the pain and suffering, the crown of thorns and look forward with the faith my mother shared and hope Easter Sunday. I love the trumpets and cries of ‘hallelujah! He is risen!’  but now much reflect on the cross.

Jesus was the good son. Like my brother. I’ve been the black sheep all my life. The prodigal son. Much loved and blessed. Not too ironically as my parents saved my life countless times when I was young I saved my parents life when they were old. The circles are more truth as they spiral like twin helixes while we kid ourselves with snippet linearity or old Jerusalem and New Jerusalem. Meanwhile the Buddhists with nihilism and black humor chuckle at the ego and seeking the Hindu self beyond maya and desire.  I am the river make me the sea.  We go to God. Somehow  here we gather stuff ,  circumstance and storage lockers and clothing,  yet we come naked and go naked.  The worm turns.  I am Thee not this.  I choose. You choose.

This Day God died and rose again like the sun with night and day like impermanence. There is science and adventures and travel bit nothing permanent save God. .  And  perhaps taxes.  The oldest law is the Chinese Law of the Fish: there are big fish and little fish. The little fish must be fast and numerous. 

I’m not so fast with age but there may be an infinite number of me. Larvae and caterpillar and butterfly. Competing sperm and egg. Gulags and prisons can’t keep me anymore than Jesus, My Lord.  The Bible is the most banned book.  It’s is the most dangerous book.  Not the Old Testament, the old news,  but the Gospel.  The Good News.  

Jesus was a Jew killed by Jews.  God was a god that killed God.  Ouroborus.  A tale of wine and wafer. This is my blood shed for you. The sacrifice. . The illusions of light and shadow.  Here in the darknesss of Good Friday I am alone and confused and could easily deny my maker till the rooster cried .  I don’t listen. 

I am a sinner, that magic word that archer’s used to say they ‘missed the mark’. I am not a perfect shot. I’m a good man, good enough perhaps, struggling and trying and falling and getting up like the toddler I am. A baby really. I’m facing the time when fitted sheets and beds beckon.  I will go gentle into that still night. I will end the long dark night of the soul.  And some time today the universe will rent.   I will feel the depth of human failure like the Mariana Trench. 

I will cry , Eli, Eli Lama sabachtthani. My God, My God Why hast thou forsaken me.  And I will pray that I am here this Sunday.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God.  Thank you Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

New Westminster Quayside and the Boathouse Restaurant

New Westminster Quayside is a terrific walk along the working Frazer River where it splits into several channels.  The townhouses along the shore have a wonderful view ,though back enough from the shore to allow room for a lovely flowered walk.  

The sun has come out so I’m able to sit outside in the Boathouse Balcony. I’m waiting for Arctic Char truly one of the world’s finest white fish. I was about to order fish and chips , the standard cod, when I saw this delicacy on the menu and remembered having it here ‘before Covid’.  I’m having it grilled today and think the last time I had it broiled. 

Arctic Char is a fish I was blessed to have when I worked as a fly in doctor in Yukon, Northern BC and the North West Territories. It’s caught further north.  The patient who regularly gifted me with the fish I grew to love caught the Char in Franklin Bay named after one of Canada’s foremost intrepid sailors and explorers.

I’ve ordered Madigan a burger since he’s not fond of fish and prefers steak but settles for burger.  As he believes MacDonalds the best and devours those readily , with better burgers from finest restaurant he’s said he’d pass, but gladly has them later at night. Meat is meat .  Here there’s so much distraction like the cute little poodle who just came by and sniffed his genitals with the pretty Asian dog owners encouraging the meet and greet.  

I loved the flowers blooming today. Spring!  

I felt badly having slept in this morning and missed Palm Sunday church service.  I’d stayed up later watching Guy Ritchie’s (of My Winnipeg fame) incredibly intriguing and at times very wry The Gentleman series.  I posted how much I was enjoying it and as often happens my Facebook friends agreed, loving it too.  I rarely stay up late and yet there I was at 1 am hardly able to pull myself away.  Holy Week began and I was asleep with my lamp not lit. I’d better pick up my game.  

The serenity of this place is certainly a move in the right direction.  I prefer it to the rush and chaos of the Stanley Park Seawall where cyclists collect points for terrifying walkers. Still I’d like to get down to English Bay one of these days and enjoy the vibe and maybe walk over to Kits beach to watch some Beach Volleyball.

After being in Arizona and Southern Colifornia in the winter I came back having made a pact with myself to get out and enjoy this incredible city.  Covid had me too isolated in doors.  And taking too long to recover.

My goodness was that delicious! The Arctic Char was grilled to perfection. The little potatoes and zucchini and carrots exactly right firmness.  I tasted Madigan’s burger and it was really good too. Madigan cocakapooe’d the burger and licked his lips ready for more.

I’m enjoying a second cappuccino.

What a great outing. Sunday afternoon at its best!

BC Outdoor Day

BC Outdoor Show was a huge success. I drove out to Chilliwack in the morning leaving poor Madigan to guard the house. As it turned out there were dogs at the event and he could have come along. Next year.

Kevin and Anna with their children Izek, Alex, Kendra Bobby and Billy were going to be there and had left before me.  It was in the Chilliwack’s Convention centre in Chilliwack’s Heritage Park.  When I entered I saw a wide range of sport boats, ATV’s and trailers. I pretty much have everything I could want for hunting, fishing and camping but love the trailers.  Great workmanship. My quad now sits in an open trailer covered by a tarp. The beauty of enclosed trailers is that they protect the equipment, are safer but also can be used as camping accommodation once the quad is out.  

I caught up with Kevin and Anna and the God kids at the archery display.  Willy was riding on Kevin’s shoulders and Anna was teaching Bobby to shoot a bow.  Together we walked around the exhibits. I most enjoyed seeing a video of Izek’s first bear on display at the Italian Sporting Store. I’d bought my first Browning Cross Bow in the 80’s from Italian and shortly after shot a deer. A friend of Kevin’s was videographer Ashley who does great out door films.  Kevin is writing delightfully entertaining stories of himself and family hunting fishing and camping. Originally from the Maritimes, Kevin is following in the footsteps of Farley Mowat.  While we were there he even had ‘fans’ coming up and expressing their enjoyment of his humor.  With the 5 little characters from his story all about it was hard for him to be camouflaged.  The kids had also enjoyed the Big horn Sheep hats and advertising stickers from each of the booths they collected and wore.

Anna who has taken up taxidermy enjoyed most the leather working folk while the kids met up with other kids.  A true family event. We stopped at the Heritage Hut inside for hotdogs and poutine.  I was interested in the Canadian made Kodiak rifle and some other 223 semi auto’s which had not been moved from non restricted to restricted rating when dictator Trudeau tried to outlaw any rifle not painted pink.. I understood the concern for the AR 15 since the communist chinese had developed working to alter the semi automatic rifles to automatic and naturally everyone was concerned about Communist China after the Wuhan Lab leak and spies being found with stockpiles of the AR 15 parts. I was upset because in the typical anti American Trudeau family nonsense they outlawed my Ruger Mini 14 semi auto ranch rifle the one I’d used for shooting so many rabbits and served so many farmers from varmint protection.  Now here were these equivalent Israeli and Canadian and other equivalent rifles not outlawed.  I was tempted to buy the Kodiak but resisted the impulse though was really glad to have the chance to handle one at the Chilliwack gun stores exhibit. 

Alex was fascinated by demonstrations of new moving fishing lures and told me about the fishing rod he’d bought himself.  The knife exhibit was something else and I don’t know how I resisted buying another knifes since all the very best were represented.  It’s not unusual for me to resist buying something at a trade show only to purchase it a year or two later. Certainly that was the case with my Harley Electroglide and Honda Pioneer ATV.  Trade shows are so much more exciteing and 3 dimentional than Amazon and the catalogues that are so much apart of the shopping geography today.

I really did enjoy the kids. Kendra is becoming a beautiful young lady fortunately following her mother Anna’s.  I imagine the boys will all have ZZ top beards one day like their grizzled father. I loved when Kevin bought Bobby and Willy toy keeps they just dropped to the floor oblivious of passers and turned the carpet there into some Indie 500 off road track of a child’s mind. 

It was a great Saturday and one of the best all round Outdoor show’s attended at a perfect venue.  Later this year I’m planning on hunting in the area of where Kevin hunts with his family if only to be able to radio for help if I shoot big game. I’ve had to admit that despite the help of my Quad and winch I still would anticipate having a really hard and likely unsafe time getting big game out of the woods.  I really want to eat more venison and maybe moose but I don’t need the hundred and thousands of pounds of meat so would gladly trade for some hauling muscle if I’m succesful as I fear slipping and falling breaking something at an age when healing takes long. I’m humbled by age remembering nostalgically when I carried quarters of moose out of the woods and ran down a mountain side carrying a black tail over my shoulders.  Kevin’s got some little men and women to help him along with Anna who insists on doin the skinning so she can get the best hides.

All round a great day.  All that was missing my my little guy, the great grouse retriever, Cockapoo Madigan.  Next year he’ll come along for sure. 

  

Alcoholism, Addiction, Spirituality and Science

Alcoholism, a moral deficiency

Alcoholism , a character defect

Alcoholism and addiction, weakness

Alcoholism and addiction disease of the brain

Alcoholism and addiction disease of the mind

Alcoholism and addiction,  delusional disorder

Alcoholism and addiction, demonic attraction

Alcoholism and addiction, cancer of the brain.

Alcoholism and addiction, recurring , relapsing, lifelong propensity to relapse

Alcoholism and addiction treatable mental illness

FEAR - Fuck Everything and Run.  FEAR - FACE everything and REcovery.   FEAR - false evidence appearing reall

Alcoholism and addiction, learned coping mechanism,

Alcoholism and addiction impaired reward system.

Alcoholism and addiction a response to anomie.

Alcoholism and addiction a political weapon

Alcoholism and addiction a business interest

Christianity

I can sense the presence of a higher power. I know I didn’t create this world I wake to.  This morning I am in an elaborate set and ongoing story. If I created this then it’s higher power within me, like the French philosopher’s Overself.  The very idea of a creator whether within or transcendent isn’t an issue. I don’t feel alone. I am here with my dog but there’s also a sense of something more with awareness as I have awareness.

I have a story of the Bible that I wake each day with.  Jesus Christ.  Son of God.  I have this idea that God, the creator, gave his son to the world.  I imagine a factory owner sending family in to check out the project. I have no trouble with that.

Even the virgin birth doesn’t cause me concern.  Miracles abound even though much later we may retrospectively ‘explain’ them with science as yet unknown, a miracle in its self.  The world is unfolding like a story.  So I believe the Bible thus far.  

I’m not sure of St. Paul.  He carries some blood sacrifice ideas and seems to have Jesus as a fatted calf.  I don’t follow that. There was the Old Testament story of the rejection of child murder for God so the ‘explanation’ that God would ‘sacrifice’ his son.  I don’t know.  I have no difficulty with Jesus as Rainbow. His death is like a cosmic event following the flood. I see the symbolic significance.  Perhaps that’s the death of children event. Jesus loved little ones.  

I don’t like that there are no dogs and cats in the story.

I have no difficulty that man, the government and church and foolish men in groups, would crucify the emissary of God.  I had a vision of the solar system having a beware sign for teens joy riding space mobiles. “Don’t go there they kill God.”

So I believe that the message is that we need to be less murderous yet still the world revolves around killing and weaponry rather than healing and growing.  Governments waste all resources to build more guns and ammunitions.  Barbarians.  I like the Tibetan monks and the Christian monks and Merton and St. Francis. All these people are ‘peaceful’ .  I believe that’s the message of Jesus, love and peace.

C.S. Lewis’s describes well the message of ‘love’.  The Trinity is that two, Father , son and Holy Spirit as opposed to just ‘one’ god, the personhoods of god and the family of god and love.  It’s definitely more together .

Today I strive to serve God. I am a cog in the wheel, diagnosing and providing medications for the various concerns, a modern day shaman.  Collectively we are more successful than ever before with more people living longer and the number who encounter starvation still a mere fraction of what it used to be.  There is such reason for hope despite the rhetoric.  The ‘Cold War’ did not lead to mutual annihilation.  The world ending prophecized by the climate change cult hasn’t occurred despite claims for decades and decades.  

We’re muddling along and more are gaining enlightenment with meditation and prayer. I meditate and I pray to know Gods will for me and have the power to carry that out. Now I’ll walk the dog.

The Zoroastrian’s had dogs.  The dog is the oldest companion of man.  But I like the donkey. I wish I could have a donkey like Jesus did. My dog would like the donkey companion but we have a motorcycle.  AI doesn’t have ‘presence’ .  Everything is God. We are in God and all is God.  It’s just easier to know God in the living flowers rather than the rock.  God is present in all.  The friend God is Jesus. Jesus Christ mans God within and God will come again. I seem to be play hide and seek with Jesus and also ping pong with love and fear.  This too will pass.  Life and death.  The contrasts create the meaning.  

Magnolias at Anil’s 

He told me how he planted them some 15 years ago.

What wonder!

Cherry blossom streets in Vancouver.

 

Thank you God for this sunny day

Thank you God for this sunny day. I so enjoyed walking Madigan along the river taking pictures of spring ducks. I even saw the kingfisher. That’s my blue bird of happiness. I feel blessed when they return in the spring and I’m lucky to see the male flitting along the river. Today I saw the male and female.  Definitely an ornithologist treat. I saw the great blue heron too.  Mallards and wood ducks.  Spring has arrived. The daffodils are in full bloom

I thank God for Madigan when I wake and when I go to sleep. He’s such an irritating little rascal at times, a canine Dennis the menace, demanding attention but then being such an inspiration for walking and exercise.  He does love to share my barbecue steak dinner’s like last night.  I argue that he gives me reason to live because I know no one else would be as kind and understanding of his foibles.  I like his little games.  Today when I sat on the floor to meditate he waiting till I was getting up to do circles about me a little ritual he’s improvised sometime back and continues now despite our being away a month and a half.

I continue to look at the Mini Countryman’s .  With my traumatic arthritis my neck is hurting more getting into my Mini Cooper I love so I imagine a larger size with less pretzelling to sit down.  The fact is the Mini is fine and I do enjoy it.  

I’m looking forward to the cleaning ladies coming. I’m truly blessed with such fine service and the sheer joy of cleanliness and order once or twice a month. By contrast Madigan and I are slobs, mostly him. 

Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you God. thank you Holy Spirit.

I don’t know why I wake each day. I believe to be of service to you and to find joy in life. I work and make money which goes to the life I increasingly enjoy and to taxes I pay. I’m looking forward to the completion of this season given the travel and disruption of records. It’s been hard to manage records so I’m thankful that I was able.

I’ve loved the blue sky and greenery so thankful for nature. I’m looking forward to riding my motorcycle again. I’d like to get to the symphony and the round up is coming. I’m so enjoying my meetings and the friends and people.  Soon I’ll even consider taking the camper out for some time by the lake. Maybe I’ll get out on the quad.  It’s bear season but I don’t care so much for bear meat and haven’t had the inclination to shoot each time the opportunity has arose in recent years.  I’ve managed grouse and do hope for venison and even elk or moose but that’s fall.  These thoughts come through my mind at times welling up from the past.

But always Im asking what it is I am to do to be closer to God and to be of service. I’m looking forward to the course I’ve signed up for in anthropology of religion.  I deal with cheministry and neuroplasticity at work but was attracted to psychiatry by the wisdom of Freud and especially Jung.  In London at the British Museum I wa most impressed and excited by the presentation of advances in understanding of prehistory. I loved seeing the fertility gods in Athens and would know more of the other world.  The Psychiatrist was called the priest of science.  I prescribe meds but wonder at the ideas of psychosomatic and addiction and neural pathways.  Addiction is a religion itself with the substance being akin to God. I loved that C.S. Lewis said, don’t look for God in the wall.

I am grateful for this space and the heat in this room, the electric fireplace, the expresso maker, refridgerator for milk, the honey.  

I am looking forward to the Baltimore conference this year .  Indeed the year is unfolding well but I would like to sell my boat or at least manage it. I’ve a desire to travel east but could just as soon fly than take a 5000 km drive each way.  I’d bring back a boat and enjoy that again but really I could rent a sailboat for a weekend or more to get that itch addressed. I want to to go to Victoria and see Buchart Gardens again. I so loved walking through it with my parents. The Vernon Tulip Festival is the next motorcycle adventure. It’s almost like there’s too little time and yet I enjoy the work though it’s tough on the mind, leaving me drained at the end of the day and sometimes frightened.  

I’ve enjoyed audiobooks and am listening with pleasure to Daniel Silva’s amazing The Cellist book.  I actually renewed membership in professional organizations today so am continuing to manage my calendar.  So many moving parts.  

The trip to the chiropracter helped though I still need my ibuprofen.  Dr. Ready reduced the pain with his manipulation though I know it really need to do more exercise.  I would sign up for tai chi again but am focussed on motorcycling and my upcoming course. I’d truly like to hear the symphony. Each of these rituals awakens me in spring. I call the Tulip Festival, LSD for the eyes.  The symphony never fails to open my soul. I long to live to the fullest in gratitude to God , thankful for the joy and moments of solace. 

I really must get a new couch. I’ve put it off first because of the cat and then because madigan as a puppy liked to scratch too.  I’d thought to get a cat too but the deterioration of the couch makes delaying getting a new one a poor decision. Even the stuffing is coming out.  I also think Madigan may be trustworthy with a new one though he’s often the reason why I can’t have ‘nice things’.  I’d rather have him than sterility and I did enjoy have cats too.  When I miss houses it’s the gardens and plants and animals that come to mind. I’d so love to have chickens again but then I’m lightening up and I really would like to tackle the excess in the storage locker.  

Thank you Jesus . Thank you God .  Thank you Holy Spirit!!!!!

St. Barnabus Church

It was a close call whether I’d get to church this morning.  I slept in. After the first coffee I’d thought I’d have to get dressed in a hurry.  I did. Madigan needed a walk anyway. Once dressed all is possible. 

I actually was amazed as we arrived almost on time the service just beginning. It was March 17 St. Patrick’s day. I had my green flannel shirt and my Irish rag vest I’d bought in Dublin. 

Priest Emily gave a wonderful sermon on rebirth and resurrection in the preparation for Lent. With the help of a child from the congregation she showed how what appeared dead in nature, seeds, came to life in Spring. I enjoyed seeing the daffodils near my place were in bloom.  Madigan was glad to see his friend Fritz.  Bill was there and Patty kept the singing alive.  We are blessed with accomplished pianists.  

I enjoyed the coffee after church.  I talked with June again whose conversation and wisdom I’ve so enjoyed.  I met Jill and talked with Margaret who is such an amusing raconteur. It was good to see Bill. He was in spring clothes and not dressed for official capacity. I liked the coffee. So often I have enjoyed the coffee meeting after the meeting. People are so interesting and those in our church so diverse and amazing.  Lovely people.  

Squamish Spring Motorcycle Ride, Sea to sky highway

Friday was fantastic.  I rode my motorcycle, the new HG Nightster Special, with Madigan in his box on bag, head up, to Horseshoe Bay.  I’d done this ride so many times in past years.  I used to motorcycle to White Cliff meeting where I’d also scuba dived in the sea below many times.  Now I just loved passing Cyprus Mountain entrance with fond memories of chilli after snowshoeing up to the Cypress Mountain Hollyburn Lodge with Laura one year.  The views were incredible of English Bay with the tankers at anchor. All around snow capped mountains and the distinctive lions.

Madigan was a bit chilled by the ride despite his sweater so was glad to get off and walk.  Horseshoe Bay Ferry was just leaving and seagulls were everywhere.  I had fond memories of coming here for birthday celebrations with George. Also memories of Archie and friends.  Such great nights as well as all the fish and chips dinners at Trolls.  I walked Madigan on the shore so he could get off leash and enjoy the sunshine and freedom.  

Rogina arrived on her motorcycle and recognised me with Madigan. I suggested Trolls so we had take out Halibut and fries with their amazing clam chowder. It was great to meet up with another biker and talk rides.  Rogina loves the Horseshoe Bay ride as a break from her art studio where she paints and sculpts all day.  I just loved being in the sun and warm loving being by the sea remembering the times I docked the SV GIRI here.

The ride back to Vancouver through West  Vancouver and the serpentine trail was a delight. I ‘d ridden my first Aprilia on that road, the leather the Buell Blast and Harley’s.  More memories , more nostalagia

I loved passing where George and I had monthly ‘sole food’.  Rogina separated at Taylor way while I headed through North Vancouver to struggle with the traffic before the bridge. Glad to be past there I had a pleasant ride out to Burnaby and home.  What a great day.  

Rogina said she and Carolyn were planning a ride to Squamish next day.  I’d not done that since before covid.

I had a chiropracter apt with Dr. Ready at Klein chiropractic.  After that relief I was glad for a nap.  

It was 1 pm when Madigan and I headed out on the Harley figuring we could at least get to Britannia.  He was gung ho to ride. He jumps up on the seat and tries to climb into his box while I’d lashing it to the bike.  A mother perfect day for a ride with glorious sunshine and blue sky. I couldn’t help but think of George Harrison’s Here comes the sun as we headed up the spectacular Sea to Sky Highway.

I stopped at Britannia so Madigan could have a piddle.  I’d doubled his sweaters and he seemed to be warm enough.  Sure enough after a quick piddle he had jumped up on the seat and was waiting for me to chauffeur. 

Next stop Squamish!!  Sure enough the congregation of bikers was meeting at the Starbucks.  Dozens with all manner of ride.  I remember my first time here on the Buell and then later with the Roadster when I’d take the circle route through Pemberton to Lliloouet.  Carolyn and Rogina were there with a table of bikers. They had to buy a battery for one of their bikers like I’d needed to buy a battery for my key fob.  The alarm had gone off until I drove to London Drugs and return with a little 3 volt battery.  $6.  Meanwhile their motorcycle battery cost more than $200.  Madigan was everyone’s favourite puppy.  A joke fest was going on with Hilton remembering jokes I’d not heard since I was 8 year old.  All the now banned material.  

How can teen jokes today?  I thought given the rise of censorship in Canada .The joke fest took me back to nights on call in the north listening to bush pilots and nurses.  Humor is considered the highest of developmental coping like altruism but our government is so far removed from reality it doesn’t get the joke.  The nurse and pilots and soldiers did of course. Here were bikers and the laughter was infectious.  I admit I thought a couple of times, no more, that speeding beside a cliff on my Harley wouldn’t be a good place to have the onset of senility or a stroke.  Better to laugh and live.

Riding down the mountain was fun as a group. Reminded me of the HOG and poker runs to a whole lot of bikes.  There were the three of us with lots more passing us.  Seeing the ocean I thought of all the times I sailed the Giri up the arm and looked up at the cars and bikes.  Here I was now looking down at the ferry and fishing boats.  Perspective.  I just love the sea to sky highway and the motorcycling was at it’s finest.  

Carolyn and Rogina peeled off to cross their bridge and I continued west.  More traffic but eventually home in Burnaby. What a great day.!!! What great people!!! My HD was a great bike.  This winter I’d ridden it in Arizona desserts enjoying cactus and speed but now I’d enjoyed its excellent climbing and turning capabilities.  British Columbia is god’s country. I realized again in Southern California what a beautiful city Vancouver was with so many great activities so close.  Covid had really thrown a monkey wench into the works. I’d really not participated in the city since then and felt glad I was getting out. This ride had been an almost annual event before Covid and I was so glad to have done it again.  Next it will be the Tulip festival.  

Madigan loves the motorcycle rides to so a great companion and fun to meet up with other bikers for a coffee on a sunny day.   

 

Wednesday Gratitude

Thank you Lord for Wednesday.  I dreamed I was preparing for a space flight alone in a little space ship and my mentor gave me a harpsichord.  I was with a the girl saying good bye and I was worried my back would hurt and if I’d have enough space to exercise for the year. It was like I was preparing for a 9 month journey.  Between trips.  Anxious about the loneliness.

Then I read the Einstein quote about cold and darkness not being real but just the absence of heat and light. Like evil, as the absence of God. I am he, I am He, Blessed Spirit I am he. Lord Jesus Christ Son of God Have mercy on me. I’m in God and God is in me and all is God.  I love spirituality of imperfection by Kurtz and Ketcham and your God is too small by Phillips

I remember often the beautiful women who shared life with me beginning with my mother, grandmother and aunt.  They brought flowers inside and appreciated beauty bringing attention to art and music when I might otherwise have walked by.

Spaceship earth.

Spaceship self.

I worked hard a couple of days, busy, full days and the sense of accomplishment that comes from participation.  I’m am thankful to be awake this morning. I’m thankful to have this little dog as a companion. He is waiting impatiently for our morning walk. I’ve work beginning in 45 minutes and that walk is calling now.

Thank you for this body and mobility Lord. Thank you for this day. Thank you for the Impossible Dream and the writing this morning encouraging the focus on possible dreams.  I was thankful to be taken back to that time in the choir with Danny and Kirk singing Impossible Dream for the completion of high school.  I was being disruptive and Danny was really enjoying the singing.  We were being loud and the teacher asked us to mouth the words when we’d not sing softly.  She wanted to hear Danny.  We’ve enjoyed listening to Danny all these years.  I’m still being a jokester at times but am thankful that I can sing softly today and silently in my mind where the music is ethereal.  I want to hum along and sometimes sit with the gods around campfires and do just that.

Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice. Thank you God for creation .Thank you Holy Spirit.  

Daylight savings

I went to bed last night after a movie and an episode of NCIS.  Jethro was working on his boat in his basement. I remembered dad making a boat in the garage.  I’m trying to sell my boat since age and back pain and weakness since my fall in Scotland have discouraged me from hopes of sailing with my brother or taking the inside passage to the Caribbean in preparation for an Atlantic crossing to the Mediterranean.  It’s hard to believe Ron passed so many, so few years ago.  My friends George and John died . Then Vivian in Covid. I bought sage to smudge this place after it’s time in storage. That brought back thoughts of her.  The world’s a lonelier place.  I’ve actually enjoyed my camper truck motorcycle land yacht and am even considering this beast as a nomad’s castle.  I’ve plans of visiting Hay Bay this summer.  I haven’t seen the nephews or the great nephews.  I feel so alien in contrast to their normalcy.  Adell is in pickleball tournaments and Alen and Megan are saving for a house.

I’ve signed up for a new course and now wonder about the timing.  It’s feast or famine in my life with too little or too much work.  I was beat up this weeks with one physically threatening patient and another beaurocratically threatening. Both were a product of their disease so I felt sadness for their sickness and understood that their anger with the authorities who had failed them was now directed at me the front line worker they had contact with.  Their calls are not being answered by government services and they’re been refused and cut off.  Drugs and alcohol, isolation and alienation but I’m afraid because I’ve been hit several times in the past.  These were virtual but the psychic stress of verbal abuse and biting the hand that feeds and false allegations and deceit all still come through the screen.  I was exhausted this weekend. I’ve others phoning and wanting to speak but I was emotionally raw and felt that all I could do is recoup for another week in the trenches.  I’ve also several ‘yes,but’ terribly soul sucking negative people believing in their marijuana which no longer is working like alcohol fails and now they blame me and the antidepressants for their problem.  I wouldn’t mind so much but I’ve talked with the back benchers and administrative set and they’re so far removed from reality they may as well be on the space station.  They don’t even register that our clinics now have to post signs don’t hurt the staff. Everyone is lying about the post covid mass illegal immigrations and the devastation rapid inflation by corrupt government has had on those with fixed pensions or disability.

I’m actually blessed. My dog is well. We walk several times a day even in the rain. I had him at the off leash dog park a couple of times this weekend and I even swam doing laps and getting much needed exercise.

Now I’m planning on church. I’d thought about church last night but felt with the time change confusion it would be okay if I didn’t make it .  It was Burnaby round up yesterday. I had tickets and wanted at least to go for the evening program. Yet driving at night was discouraging so Me and Ed’s lasagna and a movie instead.  

Now I really should get up and get dressed.   

 

Gratitude. Thank you for the electric blanket. Thank you for the electric heater fireplace. Thank you for the propane heater. Thank you for the warm. Thank you for Madigan. Thank for Jesus. Thank you for running water. Thank you for my health. Thank you for my mobility. Thank you for my car and truck and motorcycle . Thank you for my home and work.  Thank you for today. Thank you for incense and smell. Thank you for feeling. Thank you for sobriety. Thank you dance. Thank you for theatre.  Thank you for music.  Help me to find the time and resource to attend the symphony. I’d hoped to this weekend but maybe next.  Thank you for stories.  Thank you for plane flight. Thank you for milk and coffee. Thank you for yogurt and gummy vitamins. Thank you for thought and reflection. Thank you for reading.  

Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit. 

Religion and Ritual decision

I am happy. I’ve enrolled in the Oxford Online Religion and Ritual Course.  I looked at this course a year ago and have been looking at on line courses for several years. I tried the Biblical Hebrew last internaltional course I attended but the broadband was spotty. My experience with Starlink has been so good that I feel ready again. The Continuing Medical Eduation courses at UBC and the Pacific Psychopharmacology courses on line the last couple of years have been excellent.

I’ve been in survivor mode since covid. I’ve relaxed with my time south this winter.  I really did benefit from the sun rest and working virtual only 4 days a week with the clinics.  I had a day this week with a patient threatening me because he’s been refused funding by another agency, another patient angry that I’d reported their extensive drug use in my report as a substance abuse issue.  They’re definitely precontemplation in regards to change and were uninterested in knowing the effects of the various drugs they were using on the brain. Finally another patient was psychotic and angry at me because they didn’t feel they needed antipsychotic medications despite hospitalization.  I was exhausted and all beat up and came home to see we will still dealing with the patient who threatened the clinic.  I was peripheral in that but became anxious about work wondering if I really wanted to deal with the anger so many patients have these days because of the lack of resources, high costs and horrendous delays in health care. I feel as usual being a front line worker I’m the one that takes the hit while the back benchers and those out of touch on the space station called the shots then scapegoat individuals for the system flaws in the system created by the stupidity, ignorance, incompetence, corruption and greed of those calling the shots in Ottawa.  

I was going to work and coming home and eating and watching tv and sleeping but I feel alive again.  I did talk to my mentors and colleagues about the dangers in the workplace and the false accusations and entitlement and demands and the signs now in the clinics to not abuse the staff and that violence won’t be tolerated.  It’s not surprising that no one wants to work on the front line.  I was actually enjoying being of service until that day when the damn broke and all the verbal abuse and aggression came out, completely unrelated to me, but because of problems the patients had in their lives dealing with authorities.  

Before Covid I was on a couple of boards and was taking theology course in the evening completing a master of religious studies as well as receiving an M. Div ironically from an online institute that was shut down.  I have the Master of Religious Studies but the M. Div I’m amused by given the irony of a fraudulent colllege. I was only interested in that institute because the other M.Div’s with denominational and I wanted a non denominational degree.  I loved studying theology and evening courses at Regent College, St. Mark’s Catholic and Vancouver Theological College. I have no difficulty identifying as a Christian and I am an Anglican but I find that some aspects of St. Paul’s Judaic cultural and historic teaching no longer seem true.  I continue to be able to say the Creed and agree with that but it’s a challenge to accept the evangelical position of biblical truth.  At the same time I don’t believe in cherry picking either.  

The fact is I’m really excited about studying anthrooploy’s Ritual and Religion. At the British Museum I was most impressed by the exhibit of early man and astonished by the advances that have occurred in understanding of prehistoric man.  I’d studied Anthropology of Canadian Natives at University of Waterloo enjoying the study of Boaz and others and read Prehistory (a very short introduction) by Chris Gosden and the Scots a genetic journey, by Alistair Moffat looking at what we’ve learned from such advances as DNA testing.  It’s all fundamental to the psychotherapeutic work of psychiatry , understanding the need for ritual.  I loved Dr. Jung and Dr. Freud’s work in these areas especially considering today that anxiety patients are experience without routines and the break down of the cultural and community supports. 

I dreamed last night that I was sharing accommodations with women in the Meditarrean area.  The significance was one of them asking for a bath or a shower. It reminded me of all the shitty dreams when I didn’t have a washroom or the hole in the floor was plugged. In other dreams  I was in the third world hole  the floor was wet and covered in urine and I had to balance tried to squat and keep my trousers from touching anything.  It was a dream breakthrough last week when I actually had a white washed washroom with a new flush toilet.  I love dream analysis and this represented an ultimate progress.  Then to have last night’s dream of the my friend wanting a bath or shower and thinking that there must be one was truly exhilerating. Hope and faith were being restored.  

I’m old now, a birthday just passed and that was the time of the clean dream.  The Mediterranean habitat luxury living communities continues to be enjoyable . In the dream there were meetings and friends mingling and I confess I don’t know if it’s my future or heaven but it’s as positive a dream as those with my dogs. I wake feeling uplifted, grateful and capable.

I feel God is with me too. I pray always and feel carried on eagles wings.  

I’ve completed the collection of paper I needed for the Anil Auluck my accountant.  I’ve also completed the cleaning and organization that has me back here from having been almost 3 months on the road.  I’ve a functional life and am thankful that I was able to complete that adventure.

I have a bucket list, lying on a beach in Phuket, a trip to Europe to visit Berlin, Vienna and Venice, a return to Ireland and Scotland, and a visit to my nephews and family in Ottawa and Napanee.  I imagine the latter trip would be a drive with my truck and camper.  My sister in law is selling their property and I imagine bringing back the hard bottomed dingy I had with the big sailboat I’ve up for sale.  I’ll be happy with progress.

The fact is I ‘ve turned it over to God. So much is out of my control so I simply do the next right thing and continue.  

I am thankful.  Today it’s not raining and I took Madigan for a long walk. I would have walked further but my knee was seriously painful after I over did it a week ago.  I’m having to pace myself. He liked our visit to the off leash park and I imagine I’ll do that again soon.  

My expresso machine began to act up so I bought a new one only to find it’s not working optimally so I’m considering returning it today.  

Everyday errands and cadillac problems abound.  I just work away at it.

Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit.  

This was the snow days last week then we had the hail and then the rain. Today is dry.  Grey sky but pleasant.  I’m thankful the snow and cold sleet are past. In like a lion out like a lamb is the old march saying. I’m hopeful we’ll continue to see the weather improve. The light is better and the clocks change today.

I love my new helmet mount. I might even get out on the motorcycle this weekend. 

We’ve had some beautiful skies and sunset .  Mostly I’m pleased I’m looking up and paying attention.

The best buddy. He keeps me active.  Loves to go for a walk and take me along.