Wee hour peanut butter and jam

I am having a peanut butter and marmalade open sandwich.  It’s 5 am.  I woke up at 330 am to pee and now have peed twice, said prayers, petted Madigan and read university on line course offerings.  I completed my winter adventure and the spring now waits. I have a course to complete on driving and driving training to do. I continue my studies in gender.  I’m attending church and AA.  I could play guitar and sing again now that I have hearing aids.  

I’ve a day of work tomorrow.  I’ve paperwork to gather for my accountant to complete my taxes. I’m been whittling away at such tasks. I’ve laundry to pick up and drop off. I’ve not yet returned to doing my own loads in my own washer and drier given the bags of laundry I’ve been doing.  The Merry Maids came yesterday and did a marvellous job of leaving the place clean and tidy. It’s uplifting to have that feeling of being cared for each time they come and go.  I slept from 10 to 330 in a well made bed with clean sheets and comforter. I have been using the electric blanket and enjoying the warmth of bed. It was snowing/sleeting yesterday.  The temperature has been very low and my propane heating costs very high.  

The 10 week 10 hour a week course on prehistoric ritual and religion appeals to me. I considered the history of medicine and history of art too but keep returning to archeology and anthropology in my on going training in spirituality.  

WPATH is meeting in Lisbon.  I’d thought of attending. Portugal is appealing but what as far as I can tell my bucket list now is only Venice, Vienna and Berlin.  Southern Ireland and Scotland are forever calling now.  I always think a bridge too far and must reign in enthusiasm.  I enjoyed reading the philosophy of mind course addressing the mind-body issue andd yes I’d like to take that.  I enjoyed studying Biblical Hebrew from the University of Jerusalem but the problem then was poor broad band connection with the internet I received on the boat at dock.  Now my Starlink is really serving me well.  My home is back to normal with too much clutter.  All I need is available but I do need a run to the storage locker and I have that nagging feeling I have to seriously reduce the cost and collection.  I have too many old clothes.  Given how little I needed this 2 1/2 months in the south I really don’t need all of what I have here or especially what I have in storage.  I enjoyed putting bags of excess clothing in the diabetes clothing bin behind my Ford dealer.  

So here I am with my mind considering all that I have to do.  I did drink strong coffee at the meeting last night.  George told me he’ll be 82 next month and shared tales of his younger years travelling about partying with friends and losing jobs and changing jobs with his portable skills in waiting and bar tending.  I reflected back to those days when I enjoyed the freedom of having a ‘job’ compared to the ‘career’ I have today.

I enjoy my work on line.  I’ve been back in the clinics and will be back at docside next week.

I thought of doing a series of papers on psychopharmacology and doing a simple utube presentation of the studies.  

I also reflected on those folk who watch documentaries and learning channel, History and National Geographic.  I do that very little, my principle night television watching a recent movie, a thiller or war or spy, or detective.  Last night I watched another episode of NCIS and enjoyed Gibbs.  I’d earlier watched an episode of Star Trek.  I feel inspired not only to learn but to write and create but so far all it comes down to is I can’t sleep and I’ve now had a peanut butter and jam sandwich so should get back to sleep with the hope of another hour or two.

Maybe I’ll read in bed for a bit.  

I’ll fill out the university application tomorrow. I resisted doing it today. It’s the same course I contemplated a year ago.  The British Museum exhibit of early man excited me as did my archeology studies in undergrad of the Minoans and Mycenaeans.  I was blessed to visit Knossos.  

I was glad to get back in touch with Bob, his accepting a referral I made. I really ought to arrange for coffee and discussion .  I’d love to keep up with what he is doing and enjoyed our discussions in the past.  

I’m 72.  I was thankful for all the birthday wishes on Facebook. Otherwise it was a non event that is still dawning on my. 71 was a very good year.  I’m grateful for the blessings I’ve had .

I don’t struggle with Jesus as son of God.  I appreciate Yahvew as being and creator.  I understand Jesus as the human face and the Holy Ghost as a motherly force but the idea of Jesus ‘dying for our sins ‘and Paul’s Judaic ‘blood sacrifice’ though is lifted out of the primitive religions I wish to study. Like Golden Bough.  I find that interpretation of the Life of Jesus stilted.  I more easily relate to the mysticism of Jesus and Christianity.  Knowing God. Prayer and meditation.  Sin means to miss the mark, the imperfect.  I like Kurtz , the Spirituality of Imperfectin and Cohen’s the crack that lets the light in.  Our Brokeness but the ‘sacrificial’ no so much which is why I guess I am attracted to this course. In addiction the person is killing self and turning their back on life and God.  

We discussed faith and fear last night.  FEAR - Fuck everything and run or Face everything and Recovery.  George shared another I’d not known False Evidence Appearing Real.  

I have knee and back pain.  I have been careful because I need to be able to walk to serve my dog.  We had roast chicken tonight.  

Well, another try at bed.