Journal, Spirituality, Thor

I have come through another week.  Each day I pray.  I feel the presence of God in Creation.  I have had a cold. First runny nose then sore throat. I’ve rested and done all the things I do for laryngitis. I’ve wondered if this were a result of the pollen and allergies. It was covid with the difficulty breathing.  Just a plain old cold like the ones of childhood. Later they’d come when I was not getting enough rest.  I ate all the soup I had.  Each day got better. I worked from home and didn’t go to the men’s meeting.  This morning I don’t feel as infectious. 

I love my Thor Hurricane Home.

I woke to find 4 little yellow rubber ducks on my doorstep.  The message was that someone liked my jeep.  

My printer came without the power cable. I talked to Amazon and they sent out another. It’s a tad bigger than I thought but HP laser jet with a contract for ink.  I’m supposed to be working on my book.  I’ve made some progress.  I have the canon portable printer but it’s slow and quality is low . An office expense.  

The Iran war continues along with the Ukraine war.  Our prime minister is a disappointing ally of Commuist China.  

I’m waiting for the opportunity to take my Jeep Wrangler to E&H hitch Laney to get the blue ox hitch so I can tow it behind the Thor motorhome.  I feel I’ll be free then on more so. I want to sell my Harley or my Vespa.  I really could sell both and get an electric bike with a carrier for Madagon.

I walked with Peter and Bella and Luka and Madigan and he said “you’re a jeep guy’. Others are concerned about my being on 2 wheels while I just want to lighten up and reduce so be truly mobile, much like I was on the sailboat. Now I’ve two motorcycles an and a camper.  I don’t get much money back on sales but storage and license continues to be an outgoing cost. I like my Harley and have paid my dues to be a member of the club.  Much the same as sailing . Ironically I feel I relate more to the Vespa crowd.  There’s is male female division. . The Thor and Jeep are unisex, the Harley male and the Vespa female. 

I was listening to a feminizing tape and checking out a voice analyzer.  A couple of patients are in transition and I’m part of their journey prescribing hormones.  The long time endocrinologist I worked with is retiring but has recommended a couple of alternatives.

My back has been quite diabolical.  It’s improved with the chiropractor and there are good dans and bad days but with the could and cough it’s been at burden.  I really need to do more exercise and stretching and resist self pity. I liked Clint Easton saying “I don’t let the old man in’.  That’s what I’m doing.

I’d planned on going to the art gallery to see the latest showing.  To honor the event I thought to get a new gown or even a dress but a jean skirt would be sufficient.  A couple of years back I attended the last one show she had and participated as such.  The only trouble was the cold knocked me down. I did get my nails done to stop my incessant nail biting but already two gels have broken off..  I feel a bit of a vagabond and not at all put together.  

The fact is I got through a week of work. I use the term ‘got through’ like I did with boating and had a passage of rapids.  I have to be attentive in my work.  I takes a lot of concentration which Is what is difficult when the sinuse are full.

I have to take back the first printer in its box to be returned to Amazon .  I have the old coffee roaster to dispose of. I think it’s good and only needed cleaning but now i have the one like I had before and it’s much better though big for the space.  I’ve delicious Ethiopian coffee proabably a week’s supply whereas the old one only did a day or two.  A lot of work for little reward.

I’ve been watching Battlsstarr Galactica, an old series I saw a little of.  I’m enjoying it more. I continue to watch episodes of NCIS I haven’t seen and Boston Blue and Blue Bloods.  I love each week when a new episode of Marthsals come out.

On audio in the car and walking I continue to listen to a history of the Orthodox Church.  

I took a gulp of water last time I swim and think that’s how I got the cold.  I got the flue in Palm Springs when I was swimming in the pool there. It’s purely superstitious and lacks scientifica validity but that’s my personal cause and effect scenario so I won’t be swimming today. It’s amazing how nothing negative is associated with chocolate or icecreme so Idont give up those.  But I was enjoying swimming.  I’ll have a shower today.  

Right now another coffee. I’ve had a banana and have a quiche to eat. 

Victor called and he’s sold the quad and trailer so I’ll get a few thousand. I ‘m asking him to sell the rifle too so will have to drive out to drop that off and pick up some money I can put to the car loan.  I’d like to see that debt come down. Just talking to Victor tired me out though. So today’s going to have to be  another rest day to get over this cold.  My weekend for recuperation.  

I got him out for a walk and he pooped. Now he’s lying across from me napping.  

The quiche is delicious. Water a flu and feed a cold. I’m enjoying this feeding part.  But the effort makes me want to lie down.  We’re supposed to walk after a meal. 

There’s meeting tomorrow morning and again on Sunday morning. I’ll be glad to be at a meeting. Eating I just feel like going back to sleep. I’ve another coffee coming and I’m planning on a shower but a nap may have to precede that . The quiche had spicy sausage in it.  Delicious.

God is one day at a time. Now is all I have.  I’ve woken to another gift of a day. I got excited about driving out to Chillowack but blowing my nose took the enthusiasm away.  The coffee sure tastes good but doesn’t change the desire for a nap

God is good all of the time.

The relationship with Jesus, advocate, who who took away the sins of the world, my confessor, conscience.  I can do things tomorrow. 

The Orthodox Church is big on the Jesus Prayer prayer.  Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.  I think of God as perfect and humans as imprecise and sinner isn’t something dirty or bad but rather a person who misses the mark.  Good intentions perhaps but errs.  Have mercy suggest a punishing God, like the OT Yahweh.  But that’s just possible the scientific laws of cause and effect.  With guidance and intercession my errors need not be so great and indeed have an advocate before judgement. I want to have free speech and win politically but don’t wat to be financially hurt.  I fear for my old age and that’s a problem. Yet today I don’t feel robust.  I wonder if my decisions selling things isnt just a product of the invalidism I feel with this back pain.  If I exercised more and was more active perhaps I’d then keep the Harley.  I’m thinking of going out to a lake Harrison, Okanagan , Nakusp for a few weeks this summer.  I’m drawn to hotsprings.  But I’d like to swim in the lake. Harrison would suffice.  After I get the hitch settled I’ll be able to move onto the the next plan . I serve in my work. But I have to write the first of three books.  The printer is part of that strategy.  I ask God for his will for me. I ask God that I may know him more.

Journal - Wednesday Morning, Burnaby

Struggling with a sore throat that’s getting better .  Often means I’m working too hard, stressed or cursed.  I’ve been reflecting on personalities.  I’m letting go of past persons. I identified as the poet, writer, dancer, then cyclist , then outdoorsman, canoeist, and finally offshore sailer. Then it was fisherman and big game hunter. And the guy who dressed in gowns and attended functions with the mayor, camp or seriously, the college actor. Always the healer, spiritual seeker.  Then the motorcyclist, the Harley Davidson’s.  An arbitrary achievement, bicycling across Europe, motorcycling across Canada and US to Sturges South Dakota, Dancing on Television and in England, training with the world champion,  provincial champion volleyball and gymnast.  Life guard, rescuer diver, shitty golfer.  Sailing solo in winter across the Pacific through hurricanes then sailing the Hawaiian islands.

Always the imposter syndrome.

Sober now 28 years.  In this time of year when the last divorce and last drink was occasioned. Is it all identification with the aggressor The betrayal, the back stabbing, the lies and then leaving that behind.  Rebuilding a life.  Letting go of things that began before and carried on. Sailing, camping.  Missing dancing, missing university libraries.  Remembering telescopes and microscopes.  All the elders dying alon with friends.  The dogs and cats remembered.

Now I’m thinking of letting go of my Harley, maybe even the Vespa too but the Harley was a personal as well The ship is gone. I’m now the Jeep guy with a motorhome.  I no longer do surgery of deliver babies. I don’t build decks or repair roofs,  I don’t climb masts.

I imagine there’s less testosterone and more estrogen. 

I rmimisce so fondly of the hard cock and listing her up with my hands on her thighs and her back against walls, indoors and out, lowering her on my cock to be impaled and carrying her till orgasms.  Youth and strength.

I struggled to get off the floor.

Think of seeking the 300 winmag short coyote with the zeiss scope I thought to shoot 800 yards though the longest kill I made was at 600 yards and the moose were at most 300 yards.Now I’d only shoot something at a 100 yards because the last deer I shot at that distance took me hours to get back to the road and loaded.

Getting old is not for the young. Takes to much courage wisdom and sorrow.

Blow jobs and bottoms are the sunset of life.  The joke goes that the young wife says to the old guy, ‘let’s go upstairs and make love’ .  His reply is ‘I’ve told you before I can only do one or the other.’

Bits of identity attached to activities and friends,  Going into old areas of work with fresh young faces beaming back reminds me of “What about Schmidt’.  I still have thousands of files

My back hurts. The chronic pain wears. The many injures I laughed off come back to haunt,  Riding down the road with the motorcycle riding me,  Pitchpoling cars down ravines.  Plane crashes and climbing out the sides of the ship and sliding down the twisted wing.  Fight in jails and asylums , wrestling the dangerously insane back to rooms as other come to help. Bring hit by cars and flying off roofs on bicycles that saw their last day at that moment the man ran the red light.  Miracles.  So many NDE’s and gratitude. Thank you Jesus.

A cute pain, the 12 guage pellets hitting thigh, the punches to the face , the falls from trees and twists and then acute pain.  Cute pain.  Not like the ugly pain of chronic pain, waking to experience the nerves screaming as one turns over to climb out of bed. And I once climbed mountains.

Hide weakness. Hide aging.  The invaders raped the women and kill the old men.  My own government is pushing MAID like a new toaster or laundry soap.

I turn it around. Each day reapeat gratitude lists. Am thankful for the day but uncertain about the future. Once I’m moving everything is better Walking the dog outside I come alive.  I’m thankful I’m above the ground.  I believe in life after death but today think it’s my time I’m inspired by the older mentors and now admire my father who did 20 years past this point, a great explorer . I see his signs more and more along the way and know how hard it was for him to carry on.  He did for me.  And I don’t have children . So I’m just carrying on for family friends and service.  I’m blessed.

I laughed in a frock and enjoyed t shirts sandals and short shorts.  I remember the bliss of dancing in the streets. Hippies.  Long hair.  Girls impossibly beautiful with breasts that made Mary Magdalene blush. I was always with the best of men and best of women though there’s always a Judas,  Authorities and Romans and Phillistiens and parasites.  They’re such a minority.  The wise avoid them and carry on, I’m working on forgiving,  I’m letting go.  

Surrendering to destiny, old age, limits of the script.  I have been blessed. Thank you Jesus

Monday Morning, Burnaby,Journal

I began my morning dressed in purple.  My dreams were chaos I didn’t recall. I like the routine of the bathroom.  Shaving, brushing hair, brushing teeth.  Sitting to meditate and prayer.  I’m a little disconnected.  Concentration down but I still sense the God of Creation. The interconnectedness is there.  

I’m not into exercise. Stretching some. Resting on yesterday’s long walk and swim; Yesterday I did 8700 steps.

Today the power was out. It was in the neighbourhood.  I saw a neighbour had started the vehicle and generator. I met Mac and he said the BC hydro graph showed the whole area outage.  By the time Madigan had pooped the hydro had returned.

I enjoyed listening to a woman on a podcast talk of being ‘penetrated’.  She admitted that she when she flirted and was interested in a man she wanted him to ‘penetrate’ her She said she loved the feeling of his pounding her and the release when she felt a flood insider and felt herself surrender.  

I remember reading Hound of Heaven and realizing God was wanting find me while I was chasing him.  Now I had a similiar small epiphany that women sought the same sensation of release. I had begun thinking they only ‘did it’ for other reasons, money, company, etc.  I enjoyed her saying she liked having orgasms.  On her own and and with another.  It seemed so simple and uncomplicated.  I confess I didn’t think about it much since I ‘took so much for granted’ but then with the increasing anti male politic and ‘toxic masculinity’ and men never getting it ‘right’, slow hand, fast hand, chasing her fluctuating moods and increasing barriers, then the whole denigration of the male and the constant media negation of the male and the childlike delegation of the male and the woman as emperor and somehow the loss of simplicity.  

It was reassuring.  

Hedonism is the seeking of pleasure.  Pleasure is to know God.  Spiritual surrender.  The Spiritual Orgasm, not limited to the body parts or person but of the world exploding with joy and bliss.  I wake each morning and all my senses are assailed. 

God is good all of the time,  

I closed my FB and now am reading X occasionally.  Journalling more.  The Merry Maids are coming at noon  and I’m looking forward to the place being clean.  

I’ve work today and hope to take my laundry in.  I’m having more free time and down time with the vehicles and bank issues resolving.  Everything is being paid for. The money flow is there. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.  Just waiting for the Blue Ox hitch to be scheduled.  

I’m planning on selling the 300 win mag and really am considering selling the Harley Nightster Special .  The Vespa meets all my needs but I’m looking at folding big wheel electric bicycles with a rear carrying space.  They range $1000 to $2500 and with the Jeep now would serve all my purposes. I really enjoy the Vespa for grocery shopping.  I could take the Harley on a Pemberton circle ride.  But I’m more anxious about risk. I’d be happy enough with the jeep or motorhome.  

I’m planning a couple of weeks in the country with Thor by a lake but now need to figure what lake. 

Thank you Jesus for this day.  

Brunette Lake Walk, Sunday

I didn’t make it to church today. Since the Anglican Church has been anti American and pro Islam I have wondered about being them. Prince Charles is the head of the church and appears pro Islam and anti Christian. I found it increasingly difficult to attend the anti American , pro communist China church and yet. I like the people.  I work all week and want church to be more about God and spirituality and the Bible and Jesus rather than social work.  I enjoyed the Biblical nature of Easter and realized I missed this.

I enjoyed the spirituality in the Orthodox Church we attended for the baptism of the god kids.  I am conservative and support Pierre Poilevre and don’t like Carney with his pro aetheist communist China and anti American position.  The anti ‘Trumpism’ that CBC promotes just takes people’s attention away from the horrible corruption in Canada with foreign affairs and climate change positions. I’m at variance with the clergy in the church. I think I’m at one with some of the congregation but I don’t like even thinking about this.

So this morning I slept in . I liked the church itself and have fond memories. There’s another church that meets there and I thought I’d check it out but didn’t want to face the politics of jumping ship or crossing the floor or whatever. They’re both dog friendly.  It’s work to get out of bed and go to church. I didn’t make it.

I went for a walk with Madigan around the park then I made the long walk to the Brunette River bird dock.  When I got back I went for a swim.

I feel God the creator. I feel Creation is alive in the way I feel the grass and earth alive when I walk on them as opposed to walking on cement,  I feel I’m this mind in the midst of this glorious creation. 

I ‘m reading the Nicene Creed history and enjoying the discussion of the nature of Jesus.  Spirt and matter.  I think of spirit and slow matter. It’s all God but there was a lot of confusion over the separation of man and God.  Jesus was the interface.  Advocate.  Humans were ‘creatures’ , created while Jesus was God and Man,  truly God and Truly Human, hypostatic union.  

If God and Human were distinct it was argued there would be no bridge or union. God perfect and human limited.  ‘Creator and created.  

The Nicene Creed

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth and of all things visible and invisible

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father, before all ages; Light of Light, true God of true God, begotten , not created, of one essence with the Father, through Whom all things were made. Who for us men and for our salvation came down from heaven and was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary and became man. He was crucified for us under Pontius Pilate m and suffered and was buried;And He rose on the third day according to the Scriptures. He ascended into heaven and dis seated on the right and of the Father. And He will come again with glory to judge the living and the dead. His Kingodom shall have no end. 

And in the Holy Spirit, the Lord m the Creator of Life who proceeds from the Father, Who together with the Father and the Son is worshipped and glorified; who spoke through the prophets.

In one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church.

I confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

I look for the resurrections of the life of the age to come. 

This is taken from the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America

Latin Catholics have a slight varioation of their creed.

I learned the Apostle’s Creed but have always recited the Nicene Creed in church.

The Christian Triune God, is God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit.  

 

Journal - Saturday afternoon

I’ve been to the Chiropracter. My back feels better and I expect this will last sometime as the last did too.  I’ve gone to the storage locker with Madonna and brought back the rifle  for sale and some light clothing I just took away but missed.  We’ve walked a couple of times around the park. I had a sandwich made over from the left over steak dinner. I’ve napped an hour too. I’m rather dull now despite another walk.  

I took him to the dog park on the way home from the storage locker.

 I’m considering riding to the mall. I am considering nail’s again since I’m continue to bite them and that sorts that.  I changed to a gold chain and cross after wearing silver for a long time.  I’ve caught up with my work.  

I’ve been reading the life of the man who wrote amazing grace and the history of the Nicene Creed.  Nothing particularly excites me. I’m somewhat bored despite the sunny weather. I am betwixt and between.  Best to do something.  He can stay home while. I run off . A trip on the HD will be nice.  I’ve just got to get out of my shorts.  I was going to go swimming as well but ironically I just washed my hair. I have things to buy at the mall , like listenine.  

I’ve been praying to God. 

Journal - Burnaby, Saturday Morning

I couldn’t find my meeting. Naturally I’m paranoid. It always happens.  Glych on iPhone or internet and I take it personal. I don’t dwell on it. Not like her half rolling her eyes. I caught that and don’t know what to make of if.  Keeps coming back.  I wonder if I’m off the list.  I don’t know. I’ve had trouble finding notes for a few weeks. They go to trans or spam all of a sudden then it takes a while for me to react.  I contacted the organizations and reached out to a member.  Maybe I ‘ll take in the meeting tonight.

I did walk the dog and he pooped.

I’ve a chiropractor apt in an hour. Then i’ts an open day again. I’ve the jeep and the motorcycle. I can go to the storage locker and get the rifle I want to sell. I could go out to chilliwack. I’m not terribly good with an unplanned day.  It’s a wide open space and I really don’t have anything that needs doing right now. I’d hoped the new faster printer would be here and I could do some paperwork.

I could go to apple or phone them and solve the mail problems. I think I should do a better job of bookkeeping.  

I need to exercise more≥. Swimming and walking.

I have so much organization to do on this bus.  There’s stuff in the bins I don’t need and my toolbox needs organization. I ‘ve room in the overhead bins too and the clothing.  So much I could do.  

Best get ready for morning adjustment

Brunette River Walk with Madigan

This may be the first time since we returned from the south that we’ve actually walked the Brunette River.  Madigan was obsessive about sniffing everything and peeing on everything.  He is very territorial and likes to let every other dog that he now owns the walk.  It’a a perfect day with sunshine and blue sky. I was in my Irish Clomachnoise t shirt and canvas shirt.  There was a light refreshing breeze with scents of the forest.  The river was what I think of as its normal height. It runs high in the spring and gets quite low in the summer.  I was glad to see the mallards. Just a very nice morning walk.

We’re are back.  Laura’s SMART Car battery is dead and BCAA doesn’t heave smart car batteries so I’ll get in the Jeep with Madigan and go to the rescue. 

She has it in hand so I’m back to what are Madigan and I going to do. Possibly lunch.

I had thought to ride my motorcycle . I think my Lazer ink printer may be at the post office so I can drive the jeep there to pick it up. Madigan can guard the home.  HE’es fsacinated by looking out the screen door

All chaos broke out.  Peter passers by with the girls. So I had to put on some sweats and shoes and caught up for another walk around the park. Peter and Larry go to Cochran Alberta next to a RV park on the Bow River.

I’m considering what will be the best bike to have with the Jeep, the Harley, Vespa 300 or get a Vespa 150, or a folding electric bike I can carry easily on the back of the Jeep.  Peter is getting my old folding electric bike fixed up to take out. I gave it to them thank them for the inspiration that got me through this summer trip south in the Motorhome. Now I’m waiting for the Blue Ox hitch to be installed then I don’t think I’ll want any other vehicles because that’s would allow me to come and go. I’d like to spend a couple of weeks this summer by a lake somewhere, maybe the okanagan, with a hot springs, maybe Halcyon.  

They’re planning on going back to Sidney next year and I certainly want to do that.  Working virtually gives me that flexibility.  

Burnaby, Friday, Thor

What a lovely day. After days of rain the sun has returned again.  Blue sky. Temperature warming. Spring. Motorcycle weather.

I’ve slept in a half hour.  I’m finishing my morning coffee, planning to walk Madigan shortly. I ‘m wearing this multicolored light and bright polyester kaftan.  I bought it a couple of years ago but rarely wear it. When I do I love the slick polyester feel and bright circus beach colours.  I’ll have to get dressed soon.  

I saw yesterday.  Kaloo Kalay.  Tomorrow a Chiropracter visit with Dr. Ready. I’ve been more active the last two weeks.  

When Laura was leaving in her Smart Car the battery was dead after her being here a week. I was again able to save the day with my Motormaster Jumper battery. She told me last night she’s getting a new battery today. 

I don’t know what I’m doing.  My priority is the Blue Ox Hitch for the Jeep to be towed behind the Motorhome. I sent the pictures of the Jeep to them this week.  They’ll get back to me for when they can book the installation. Sometime in the next weeks.  

I’ve called Corey at Nova Scotia to find out if I did deposit anything in the TFS account last year. Anil said he didn’t see any.  I’d like to contribute to retirement but all my money has been going to Thor and Willy the jeep. It’s settling down.  The quad and trailer are up for sale.  There’s the little boat at trailer I’m not heard about. I’m thinking of selling the 300 win mag.  Also I’m waiting for the buyback from the government for the black creek 223

I caught up on the clinic practice yesterday and will address calls today or tomorrow.

It’s otherwise a fairly blank sleight after a whirlwind of activity.  Madigan always votes for more walks.  We can certainly do that. Then a trip to the mall. I could go to the storage locker too as I’d like to get some books out to donate.  

I learned that Harry Hay ‘s Radical Fairies has chapter’s here. A patient surprised me by telling me he belonged.  My distant uncle started the first civil rights Matrachine Society in the 50’s and the radical fairies in the late 70’s.  I remember reading ‘not queer’ by the couple who complained that the Gay Parade caused their neighbours to look at them oddy. They were against the deviance as they were fully accepting into the power circles of Washington.  Harry Hay by contrast was on the west coast promoting the idea of ‘not fitting’ in but rather that the LGBT community should be its own distinctly different and separate entity.  I m reading the history of the Orthodox Church and the same issue arose when Islam invaded Turkey and allowed the church to continue though like in Communist China , the ‘different’ bits were removed .  On X and Facebooks there are ads saying Muslims love Jesus. But their ‘Jesus’ isn’t the Son of God or God or part of the Christian Trinity.  I often think it’s difficult to explain color to the color blind and the image of the deaf folk watching people dancing comes to mind.

I enjoyed being a nudist swims and beaches and have often thought I’d have enjoyed joining a nudist club. I like naked bodies and know I like sitting at coffee shops and watching people . It’s even better or the beach but the job is not to stare. I’d have to resist that at the nudist colony.  The orgy is a part of the gay scene with the casual pick up and casual sex more pronounced that college frat experiences .Girls used to be rate limittimg steps but with the hundreds of partners and competitions to fuck as many men as possible, birth control and constracetptive they’re not appearing so different. My lesbian doctor friend said it was difficult in the lesbian community in her city as everyone knew everyone and so many had been intimate.  

I’ve always been fastidious and fearful of disease.  Not ironically that didn’t stop me when I wass drinking and alcohol washed away my frontal lobes and hers leaving the Amygdala free rein.  Now I’d like to think I’m a gentleman and not a barbarian because of my high standards but frankly I’m more afraid of strangers not just the aspect of disease. I like my own company and the dogs.  I enjoy company and intimacy with a friend though we’re growing older and her interest is declining. I laughed talking to my friend about her still getting out dancing and I was thiinking I’d like to dance again but it’s too late. In the evening I like to be home. I don’’t like to drive after dark and I like my couch and tv in the evening. I’d like to go to the symphony but like my dogs company so would rather walk around the lake.  She told me they weren’t dancing at night but having afternoon dances and I laughed because I could do that. Reminded me of the old guy joke when the girlfriend says , “lets go upstairs and make love’ and he replies I’ve told you before, at my age,  I can do one or the other but not both 

I like the time I’m away getting into a bathing suit and hanging out in the hot springs. I was swimming yesterday and the little guy didn’t mind my being away a half hour. He’s getting older and tolerating separation anxiety better.  I’m beginning to think of him as a guard dog rather than physiotherapist and companion.

Laura texted me that BCAA is coming to put a new battery in her SMART car as it’s died again.

Time for a walk. 

Thank you Jesus for this day. Thank you for family, friends, loved ones and Madigan and vehicles. Thank you for this day. Thank you for my health.  Thank you for all your blessings.

 

   

Burnaby, Thor

Each day is a routine. I wake to an alarm and am thankful for the light.Last night was good dreams. I often am thankful for Madigan stumbling over me. It’s a bit annoying but reassuring. His little squirmy body enthusiastic for the day. I am careful moving so as not to elicit pain. Aware that this has been present for years but the instability has been five years now. 

Washroom. Shave. I shower every day in my Fusion but now miss days.  The WC more functional and less a place to linger under hot water jets.  Now I shampoo and wash with Irish Spring soap. Then towel . 

Today I go straight to the prayer rug easing down to cross legged position, saying Our Father,  Prayerfs and meditation.  Today the Jesus prayer is centre. Other’s day the Sinner’s Prayer. Some days Om and amen.  Some days I am in the light and the circle is unbroken then there’s angels and Jacob’s ladder. More often than not there’s communion.  Daily decades.  Now I’m still asking for Jesus to come into my life guide me show me the way.  

What is my purpose today. How can Iservce God.  Show me.  

Gratitude. I’m thankful .  There was the time decades back when I was just angry, all the loses.  Now I don’t think of the negatives. I don’t suck on the tit of despair. I let it go.

The routine continues. Gettting up doing exercises.  Foundations and Dr. Goodman.  Tai chi.  I am counting to 5 .  A couple of weeks ago it was 2. It will be 10 or 20.  Every progress is rewarded with more flexibility and less pain each day.

The coffee is the great cal.  I put two scooped Ethiopian ground into the Breviot expresso machine, press the buttons, watch the lights to come one.  Then it’s into the WC to lay out pills. Baby aspirin to prevent strokes and as antiinflamation from joints, the AREDs eye vitamin formula. I was taking Ibuprofen but now I’m taking a Tumeric. I’m taking a break from NSAIDS because of the effects on Calcium .  They work really well for back pain. But I was up to 4 a day for the month and was taking a couple a day for a year.  I like to take a rest or change out. So the Tumeric is the change.  Each med has its side effects. I’ve even just use Naproxen for a month or so before going back to Ibuprofen. Tylenol doesn’t work that well for me but it helps pain.  I look forward to a chiropractic visit. I’m gaining back mobility. But I have to walk more and swim more. I planned a minimum of twice a week and made that last week. But I’d wanted 10,000 steps a day and only made 6000. The rain limits it. Even Madigan doesn’t want to go out in the downpour. We’re at two walks a day this week but normally it’s three or four in addition to the regular walks about doing things like errands. I get him to the dog park a couple of times a week too.

It’s routine.

Now I m having coffee with the milk and honey and will eat the yoghurt for probiotics and I like the taste.

I have a day of patients and must take pictures of the Jeep bumpers front and back so E&H hitch can prepare for adding the Blue Ox hitch. I talked to them yesterday and they have to order parts once they have the pictures. They need the Jeep for three days and then on the 4th day the technicician will go through the connecting the Motorhome to the Jeep so I can tow it.  That’s will be the completion of this major project. When I had a sailboat and was sailing offshore I’d have similar project each year, the adding of radar , the installation of communication arras etc. Now it’s the same for this land barge home.  I expect to be travelling and living here till I’m 80 at least .  I’d rather 90 even. I’m a ‘snowbird’. Traveling south in winter then returning in the spring. I would like to go to the island too and imagine travelling north to see my father’s family. 

I also imagine trips to Hotsprings for a week or two at a time continuing to work.  Harrison’s, Nakusp, Halcyon.  I’d like to get into fly fishing again and expect to continue grouse hunting in the fall.  

The first trip with the jeep I imagine is the Whistler RV park for the view and the breakfast sandwich. I’d like to take the jeep into the little town for coffee with Laura and the dog. Because Laura’s working we only have 3 or 4 days weekend windows but with the Thor I can see doing this. I want to plan a couple of week or more jaunts for longer out of the city. It’s breaks the routine. I’d like to find less expensive place to stay not because the rent is so high here, it’’s the going rate but I’d like to find ways to reduce my overall maintenance costs going forward.  I’ve 10 years to pay off the debts for this adventure.  I have the money in the bank but the bank has leant me the money and the accountant says it’s best this way. So I’m doing as I’m told though I was raised to ‘own’ yet the taxation in Canada is gouging and reactionary discouraging work and progress. 

The government concerns me with its globalists agenda and unscientific horror stories and justifications .  Horrendous spending and debt and ‘institutionalized backsheesh’.  I suppose I should be thankful purely that I’m okay today.  I really am. Gratitude is a much better state than resentment. I’m hopeful for a regime change just as I’m hopeful for the same in Iran. Israel and American have barricaded the Strait of Hormuz after Iran did the same so the world energy crisis is ongoing now.  Minesweepers are being brought in but in the meantime Europe and Asia are suffering while American and Scotland are selling their oil at twice the price to make up the loss. It’s 

a very strategic affair that appears to be mostly hurting the Communist Chinese NWO neocommunism take over of the world by the globalists and displace American.  The original players have all back out except Canada so it looks sadly like once again the elite are lining their pockets while the rest of us are paying dearly for their financial back room scheming.  I don’t want to have hot Communist Chinese on Canadian soil running the show. I trust America more than Ottawa and yesterday even looked into the work in Alberta.  They’ve remote positions and I’m considering getting a license there or in Arizona. I really do like my present situation and work but wonder if I’m unprepared for the future given the government direction. I said I’d not do well in a communist country and am concerned about censorship and the most recdent threat of demanding a half million to leave Canada.  It’s like Nazi Germany and Stalin Russia and I said the ‘smartest ones’ got out. Hundreds of thousands of the leading 1% have already left Canada.

It’s true or paranoia.  I’m thankful for today.  I like that I’m lightening up.  I have the storage locker to address still.  That’s a nemesis.  Old memories and now outdated office records.  A challenge.

I’m thankful for today and glad to be looking at going fishing soon.  I am truly blessed to have a dog, work and a body that is still mobile.  I have a meeting tonight.  Madigan and I will have our rotisserie chicken dinner after.  I’ve the Harley and the Jeep so can consider options. Cadillac problems. Truly a blessing.  

Jesus said ‘do not be afraid’.  I’m still anxious and lacking in faith. I must trust the Way.  Thank you Jesus. 

Rainy Burnaby, Clinic Tuesday

I slept well from 1030 to 430 am.  Woke. Peed. Went back to bed. Slept some more. Great little dog my companion. Lots of room on bed with Laura not here.  Not such a good thing.  Comfy with her beside me. Cozy. 

I was disappointed that Carney got a majority.  I really don’t like the globalism and beaurocratic and coruuptio.  I’m against communism but it seems to be gaining hold again. The religion of aetheism. Politics and power.  I fear communist china using Canada in the coming war between the Communists and the west. The WEF NWo is a world with Communist China number one. 

Meanwhile the war in Ukraine progresses with Russia on full time war footing and erupt responding the same.  NATO spending up with Trump pushing.  The Iran war continues with the Strait of Homuth blockade and extortion by Iran and now blockade by America in a classic siege scenario.  The world is screaming for energy and the US is giving it at a massive profit.  Without Iran, 20% of oil supply, pivoted to the US.  Meanwhile the Netzero, Green idiocy of UK and France and Canada, that globalist cabal lose money.

Canada could be the wealthiest but our federal government policies only serve China not Canada.

I’m feeling ‘economic insecurity’.  I’ve loans for the Thor and now the Willy. The money in the bank would cover it so I could ‘own’ them but right now I’m just paying the debts quickly and steadily I just find myself watching the numbers. I’ve sold off the cooper mini and the F350 and maybe the Honda 420 quad. I’m minimizing and making myself a nomad , lightening up. I may actually attack the storage locker one day.  I saw a box of books I can pass on.  That’s a next step.

Today I’ll book the installation of the Blue Ox hitch on the Jeep so I can tow it with the Thor motorhome.  I’m thinking I’ll get out to cheaper RV places this summer out of the high cost city. I’m fluctuating with thoughts of Alberta and the US then I think of going to the Sidney RV Park.  

I’m going downtown to the clinic today and am anxious about taking my car into the war zone that’s down there. I have anxiety and then I’m there and so enjoyed the people. I’d ride my Harley which is now out of storage but it’s raining.  I’m wondering about 2 wheel transportation too. 

I’m praying. The Orthodox Christian Church with the Bustards for the Baptism on the weekend was an uplifting Christian experience.

I deleted Facebook apt.  It’s been a year since I did that but I’m weary of the politics and don’t want to be faced with the ‘doom zooming’.  I want to be closer to God. I’m old and his home is my next destination while I’m here in his presence here.  I’m hopeful for less challenge.  My back pain and difficulty with balance and walking and my tremors bother me. 

I know I need to do more exercise but I’m primarily focused on things like driving my Motorhome from the south, seeing patients, getting the jeep and reducing the extraneous ‘stuff’.

It’s bear season and I don’t have any desire to hunt bear. I don’t particularly like the taste and I’m feeling too sympathetic to animals and trees and birds. I felt such sorrow when I shot the rabbit. I ate it fine.  It wass like killing fish with the bat . I felt everyone living and dying but I ate them.  I am sad and fear.  

there is love and fear, confidence and lack of confidence . Positive and negative.

I’ve been a mix but I’m moving away from the path I was on and looking for the new purpose and direction.  Last year I drove south and back then across country to see the nephews and great nephews and now there’s a great neice. I think of Wayne and consider driving north in the summer to visit Dads home.  

I miss sex.  The desire. It was a motivator when I was young.  I wonder about becoming a celibate monk like those days when I was a disciple of Paramahansa Yolanda. Vegetarian and meditating whole days.  Lots of exercising bicycling everywhere.  But I just lived to make love to all the gorgeous beautiful sensual sexy women through my life.  

I’m watching Friends and Neighbours - the guys and gals are in their fifties and they’re fucking like bunnies, the women initiating sex with the guys chasing money and having sons and daughters they need to put through college.  

I’m in a world of post menopausal women and men dying ten years earlier than the women worn out from carrying their burdens and the constant lack of appreciation.  The deep sense of betrayal when CBC every goes on and on about ‘toxic masculinity’ and I see men ruined by divorces to make lawyers rich, their wives aligning with these slick strangers in the greats family destrying scam.

I work to let go of resentments and remember the millions I lost but then that’s just the partisan deal. I wrote the script and couldn’t have stayed in the traps and faced jail time or drug addiction. So many men are damaged by providing and protecting.  And the women complain about sex like it’s worse that being shot at.  Meanwhile they celebrate the politicians who bring in the barbarians who rape and pillage while the citizens are disarmed and jailed for questioning the great replacement.  

We get pretty boy Trudeau and banker hustler Carney be cause the girls like them but as men we don’t get Pamela Anderson or Sidney Sweeney. I’d vote for Sidney Sweeney even if Cameron Diaz says she was hotter younger. Both are better than Taylor Swift who is always blaming men.  

I have been on social media too much. My mind is mush.

I want to know God and follow Gods will. I want to forgive and be forgiven. I want to know love and swim more.  There’s a pool a minute from me but I resist putting on a bathing suit and walking over. That’s the plan. That’s Godly. I’ve not walked the dog enough.  

I was glad to see Peter and Larry return with their Havanese Eva and Luka. We’ve walked with Madigan a couple of times since their return. I’ll get moving more. I’m delighted to be reading the Orthodox Church history and reading the latest pscychopharaamcology text. All the banking and transferring vehicles was distracting. I want to get healthy routines established .M ore prayer, more exercise. More kindness. More positive thinking.  More love.

Thank you Jesus for this day. Helpe me to focus on the positives. Help me to be optimistic despite the negatives of politics. I listened to George Straits I saw God today and loved the positivity. Listening to Amy Grant in the car singing Elshadai .  

Well time to get ready and go to work.  Thank you Jesus. 

BCRV, Thor, Sunday Morning, April 12, 2026

St. Constantine and Helen Greek Orthodox Church, HD Nightster Special, 

Thank you God for Laura and Madigan.  Thank you for family. Thank you for pictures of Maizy crawling. Thank you for the boys and of course the nephews and their wives. Thank you for may amazing siterinlaw Adell. Thank you for George and my men’s meeting. Thank you for Neil and Jack, Stan, and Marty, Terrence, Rocky, Paul, Dean, Manny, Mario, and all the others . Thank you that George is well.  Thank you for cake.

It’s been a busy weekend and weekend since returned a month ago for my trip south.  So much has happened .This Friday the challenge was to get my Harley from Vespa Metro and leave my Vespa for service and storage foe the summer. It’s as a steep learning to readjust to the 1000 cc from 300, more power and more bike, manual gears instead of automatic. I had to figure out where the lights were.  Trepidations.  Adjusting mirrors on the fly.  Power.  Vrooom.  Glad to be back on the Harley out on the freeway.

Then I had to deposit more taxes having visited with Anil my accountant the evening before.  I drove over in my 2024 Jeep Wrangler and am increasingly enjoying my Jeep. I had to take $25,000 of th $30,000 I got for the F350 and take it to thee Royal Bank to deposit on the loan I’d taken for the Jeep.  I’m in debt from the Thor and Wrangler but have enough money in the bank to pay for them if I needed too.  I don’t like debt but it’s not tax and such to pay outright. This is the recommended route even though the payments are high. I’m okay. I feel better and it felt good to pay down the loan. I’d not been in RBC in 30 years since my divorce.  That had been my old bank and brought back memories of financial betrayal and deceit.

I’m watching the TV series Friends and Neighbors where the rich stockbroker loses his job to dirty tricks.  Carney our PM is doing all such things with paying MP’s to crossover and the risk of the Communist Chinese controlling Canada increases every day. I’m speaking out against it and in favour of Pierre Poilevre on FaceBook and X social media.  There’s a new law against ‘hate’ on social media discussion. Increasing laws of censorship.  There’s all manner of political missmanagement with Canada plummeting in the ethics scales and increasing corruption with Carney’s wife celebrating the NWO in which China replaces America.  

Meanwhile the Israel US war on Iran whose terrorists proxies are Hezballa, Houthi and Hammas, continues.  Iran mined the Strait of Hormuz.  This has cut off 20% of oil going to China and Europe . There are fuel crisis in Ireland  When Venezuela regime changed Cuba lost its oil supply.  The war in Ukraine continues into the 5th year with increasing dependence on robot and drone technology.  Iran was making drones from Russia.  Iran ‘s industrial military and leadership have been wiped out. The mining of the strait has been the last leverage. Iran was ready to have a nuclear bomb but as terrorists would have eventually on their timeline extorted the west by taking over the Strait of Hormuz which it now has done, the US and Israel forcing their timeline and catching them off guard.  American and Israel military has proven itself the best in the great military arms bazaar so China and other countries have lost sails.  

The Artemis II circled the moon with 4 astronauts, one of them Canadian and one a woman.  They were in the Orion space ship and returned in the Integrity space capsule after 9 days. Laura and I watched it on tv.  Graeme and Adell and the nephews were wartching the return too.  

On Saturday the Bustard Family was at St. Constantine and Helen Greek Orthodox Church having three of the children, Alex, Willy and Bobby baptized and Kendra and Izak and Kevin and Anna Christified.  The Baptism was full immersion. The Christification wants an anointing by the priest as the orthodox does for those who are baptized but are joining the Orthodx church.  /we were honored to be there.  It was a long service but a wonderful Christian community. Anna feels at home and Kevin and the children are content there too. Great to see how much the kids have grown and the family finding a new church that so suits them. I remember how happy we all were together with St. James until the priest annd his wife and dogs left and the church changed.

I’ve been studying Orthodox Christianity listening to an audiobook on The Orthodox Church by Timothy War.  It’s been great driving in the car. I’ve also been reading the oriental Orthodox Church writings of the Ethiopian bible and have a history of Nicaea and the creed to enjoy next.  I gave Kevin and Anna some orthodox Bibles for the family 

For 

I continue to see patients veritually and go into the Dockside clinic every two weeks now. I even swam in the pool twice since I returned .I have to double le that and increase my walking.

The psychosomatic back pain persists and a couple of trips to Dr. Ready the chiropractor have definitely increased hope.  I am doing a little of the Foundation training but am typically strugglign with the pain and stiffness as I try to recover and heal. 

My aim is to complete the next task, taking the Jeep into Langley E&H to have the hitch installed so I can tow it behind the Thor.  They want it for 3 days and then I’m to pick it up with the motorhome.  They’re not open on the weekend.  It costs $8000 and I’ll have to use credit cards.  Victor is selling my Tracker 420 quad and trailer so that will help.  Once that’s done the reward will be a trip to Whistler RV park where I can enjoy the view from the Class A window and test the system so that from then on I’m fully mobile with just the Thor and Willy.  I keep thinking I could sell the HD or the Vespa but now that decision is on hold.  

I will be prepared for going south next fall. I sometimes think I’d like to take a trip to visit Wayne.  Then I also think I’d like a really stress quiet run till next fall, working, saving and doing maintenance.  I’ve done a lot.  This is a whole change a move away from hunting like a Ieft skiing and sailing.  Now I’ve minimalist and have only the storage locker to deal with. I’d like to get back to completing the books I’m working on.  This feels like the way to do that. I’ve not signed up for Chicago IDAA but am looking forward to St. Louis.

I have a desire to return to Ireland, also to go to Berlin, Vienna and Venice as well as east Europe.  St. Athos has been calling to me but all these calls have been rather faint. I’m more interested in lying in a lounge chair outside reading.  I’d like to go to Harrison Hot Springs with Thor and Willy.  Sunshine Valley will be easy with their pull throughs .With Willy I’ll be able to swing back to Hope and explore a logging road if need be.

I’m considering selling the 300 win mag and perhaps getting a Marlin Lever Action 3030 like Dad had and like I had before.  The government outlawed my Ruger 223 semi auto and now my Black Creek Siberian 223 but they have offered to buy back that for $1600. I’d like that. Everyone I know hopes the Carney overthrow will be blocked by Pierre Poilevre and the Globalist war will fail with America remaining in charge.  Then we wouldn’t have the communist fascist attack on the citizens on behalf of the criminals with citizens having their guns confiscated while all the criminals are armed.  In England the thugs are using machete.  The gun was the counter to the gang of bullies.  It’s frightening for me as I grow older and really am becomeing a bit ‘frail’ with the back weariness and pain.  Gangs of ex soldiers from the third world have been let into Canada as scab voters and for some duplitoouts Liberal reason , mainly disrupting the country to control the populace to install the digital surveillance and all the communist measures of China in Canada.  I’m suffering flashbacks to being attacked by gangs 10 to 1 in Churchill and Athens.  Then I’ve been remembering being held hostage by the Canadian Solider in emergency.  

That said I’m having wonderful dreams lying in bed with Laura and Madigan. I’ve been visited by family, dad and mom, aunt sally and Ron and the previous dogs and cats. I’m in the happy places in my dreams . the meeting places the conferences halls, the cabins and the trucks.  I wake up thankful.

Thank you Jesus. Life is good.  Laura and I danced last night here to Bayou.  Months go by without my dancing.  Yet once it was my life.  I move on.  When I see scuba diving on the tv I think of the years I dove daily.  Then there’s the sailing but the sea always looks a bit scaring. I watched the sea when Artemis II crew were getting out of the capsule. I’m not missing sailing. I like the land and my Thor Land Barge.  Today I’m looking forward to getting out on Harley but I have to take Willy to get the clean wash at 4 pm.  Madigan will need walking and Laura will need feeding. Meals are important here. We all participate.  When Laura is here it’s more formal .  We’ve had barbecued steak a couple fo times this last week, last night barbecued chops, a couple of days of deli quiche , a couple of days of soup and cold cut sandwiches, deli salads, a couple of orders of pizza , a Chinese take out and a White Spot burgers and fish and chips. Despite the doubling of the cost of food and living we’re still eating well, maybe small meat cuts, and little eating out, but no major change.  Laura prepared smoked ham for last Easter.  I hear of patients eating more rice but I’ve always had potatoes and perhaps eating more eggs. I liked seeing how health the god kids were and thinking how many bear they’ve shot to feed themselves . It show in their healthiness. Kendra and Izek have really stretched up. 

I am blessed.

Thank you God for this good life. Please protect me and my family and friends. Watch over us.  Keep Madigan healthy and protect Thor and Willy and Harley.  Help me to learn more as a healer and become closer and know you more deeply and truly.  Help me open my heat to you Lord Jesus.  I am a sinner come into my heart. Lord Jesus Christ Son of God Have Mercy on me.  

Thank you.