Daylight savings

I went to bed last night after a movie and an episode of NCIS.  Jethro was working on his boat in his basement. I remembered dad making a boat in the garage.  I’m trying to sell my boat since age and back pain and weakness since my fall in Scotland have discouraged me from hopes of sailing with my brother or taking the inside passage to the Caribbean in preparation for an Atlantic crossing to the Mediterranean.  It’s hard to believe Ron passed so many, so few years ago.  My friends George and John died . Then Vivian in Covid. I bought sage to smudge this place after it’s time in storage. That brought back thoughts of her.  The world’s a lonelier place.  I’ve actually enjoyed my camper truck motorcycle land yacht and am even considering this beast as a nomad’s castle.  I’ve plans of visiting Hay Bay this summer.  I haven’t seen the nephews or the great nephews.  I feel so alien in contrast to their normalcy.  Adell is in pickleball tournaments and Alen and Megan are saving for a house.

I’ve signed up for a new course and now wonder about the timing.  It’s feast or famine in my life with too little or too much work.  I was beat up this weeks with one physically threatening patient and another beaurocratically threatening. Both were a product of their disease so I felt sadness for their sickness and understood that their anger with the authorities who had failed them was now directed at me the front line worker they had contact with.  Their calls are not being answered by government services and they’re been refused and cut off.  Drugs and alcohol, isolation and alienation but I’m afraid because I’ve been hit several times in the past.  These were virtual but the psychic stress of verbal abuse and biting the hand that feeds and false allegations and deceit all still come through the screen.  I was exhausted this weekend. I’ve others phoning and wanting to speak but I was emotionally raw and felt that all I could do is recoup for another week in the trenches.  I’ve also several ‘yes,but’ terribly soul sucking negative people believing in their marijuana which no longer is working like alcohol fails and now they blame me and the antidepressants for their problem.  I wouldn’t mind so much but I’ve talked with the back benchers and administrative set and they’re so far removed from reality they may as well be on the space station.  They don’t even register that our clinics now have to post signs don’t hurt the staff. Everyone is lying about the post covid mass illegal immigrations and the devastation rapid inflation by corrupt government has had on those with fixed pensions or disability.

I’m actually blessed. My dog is well. We walk several times a day even in the rain. I had him at the off leash dog park a couple of times this weekend and I even swam doing laps and getting much needed exercise.

Now I’m planning on church. I’d thought about church last night but felt with the time change confusion it would be okay if I didn’t make it .  It was Burnaby round up yesterday. I had tickets and wanted at least to go for the evening program. Yet driving at night was discouraging so Me and Ed’s lasagna and a movie instead.  

Now I really should get up and get dressed.   

 

Gratitude. Thank you for the electric blanket. Thank you for the electric heater fireplace. Thank you for the propane heater. Thank you for the warm. Thank you for Madigan. Thank for Jesus. Thank you for running water. Thank you for my health. Thank you for my mobility. Thank you for my car and truck and motorcycle . Thank you for my home and work.  Thank you for today. Thank you for incense and smell. Thank you for feeling. Thank you for sobriety. Thank you dance. Thank you for theatre.  Thank you for music.  Help me to find the time and resource to attend the symphony. I’d hoped to this weekend but maybe next.  Thank you for stories.  Thank you for plane flight. Thank you for milk and coffee. Thank you for yogurt and gummy vitamins. Thank you for thought and reflection. Thank you for reading.  

Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit. 

Writing a novel

I have lots of ideas and stories. I published a lot of short stories.  I even put together a non fiction book to learn the process of chapters and manage the longer form. The novel has been my goal. 

I’ve a book about travels with dogs almost complete

I think of a fool to wisdom ‘hero’s journey’ tale.

I have a pornographic novel of sexual relationship without the satanic overtures but simply hedonism.  

I have a spiritual book to consider,

Each of these is what keeps me working. If I wasn’t working I’d have to devote my mornings to churning out pages, the work of writing. I struggle with dialogue.  The non fiction text book has the potential for profit as does the travel with dogs fun piece 

I’d like to take excerpts from my blog but am at difficulty to cut and paste from the usb stick.  It’s these tech bits that stand in the way of productivity. It’s supposed to facilitate creativity but instead I’m stymied by something like cutting and pasting from a blog .  I looked it up on google and found it wasn’t as easy as others might think.  So one day I’ll get serious about that.

In the meantime going to work, virtual, talking with people, solving their problems answering their questions, listening, are good for now. I’m working towards a winter in the south working virtual for a two to three months. I’m concerned about covid and retired or working I want to be out of the winter months here given how often I get colds and bronchitis and pneumonia. I’d like more vitamin d but thankfully this year with working at Logan Lake I’ve had a fill . In the fall hunting I’ll get more . I really long to sunbathe by a pool or on a beach something I’ve rarely done.  Mexico and Saipan come to mind,  Years between such luxuries.  Living in Winnipeg we’d plan a couple of weeks in Hawaii to get the sunshine and in Vancouver skiing at Whistler above the clouds was it’s own source of Vitamin. I was frightened when sick in India and coming home with what was likely covid finding I couldn’t breathe, I simply couldn’t draw air into my lungs andd was panicking though used all my skill and training to relax and still my mind.  I felt close to death.  Being diagnosed with TB after volunteering to work in the norther reserves where wiser doctors didn’t go because of the risk of TB was unsettling. More so the year of treatment with anti tb meds and now I’m draft a side effect of that treatment.  My back hurts from carrying patients in emergencies and of course other work.  I’m just older and aware of these losses.

Now writing I can do later. Now I’m still capable of interacting and talking and being on the move.  A time will come when I’ll not be so mobile. I think of my friend John, paraplegic and writing his inspiration booklet about finding god in his losss. His son has a child. I see the picture of his family on FB. He called me and I’ve simply not made the time to visit. I’m still isolative and feel it’s sufficient to get through he day still working and weekends are used to recuperate, I’m quite astonished at how little time I have but part of that is my unwillingness to schedule matters these days as my life is regimented by work. I’ve also been getting ready for this work adventure. So many moving parts. So much has to be developed and it has. I’m proud of the accomplishment.  My next task is to prepare for bow hunting

The storage locker is a boogeyman.  I’ve so much to sort and down load.  Theres’ a bag of clothing in my trunk from my last trip there. It needs to go to good will.

So many little tasks and yet I’m invited out and avoid getting together with friends Laura hasn’t been around as she’s house sitting all summer.  In a couple of week I’m off camping with her and taking my bow to hunt. I need the exercise and it will be fun to ride about in the ATV, my Honda 420 Tracker still relatively new.  This week it’s getting it’s maintenance check.  

So much is being done and I continue Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. 

New Day. Love

God it’s a new day.  Wow! Incredible. I never did believe I’d live this long when I was young. I thought everyone over 30 was too old and I was living full out full throttle and not expecting to get that old.

Then I did.

30 and upwards.  Life just kept happening. Sleeping wakening, new day after new day. Clinging to the edge of the cliff with fingernails. Hearing those same finger nails crating on the chalkboard as I slid through the day.

All those times I feared I’d not make it through the day or that catastrophe would strike within days or weeks. Well it didn’t. There were good times and bad times and somehow I just kept on going to bed and getting up.

Losses, gains, losses and then some more losses.  Deaths of family. Deaths of friends.  Divorces and the horror of the divorces with the feeding frenzy of lawyers and bankers and the demands to be well to face the next bureaucratic orgiastic frenzy of humiliation and debasement. But even them, with all their betrayal and that sense of shame and loss and betrayal and abortion and cuckolding and lies and lies and more lies and more lies.  Well that too passed.  Physical assaults by women.  Fights with men .Sexual assaults. Rape. God it all came and went.  Beating Knifes at the throat. Car Crashes. Truck crashes. Home invasions. Guns in the face.  Shots repeatedly at you. Running with bullets whizzing.  Arms held behind your back. Always there seemed there were too many.  The women switching teams for safety. Who can blame them.  And seeing yourself be less than what you’d hoped.  Walking away.  Overwhelmed. Not staying. Not tolerating.  Standing up and saying what is right and rescuing the beaten and down trodden only to be targeted in diabolical ways. The enemy is always a nest. 

Locked up.  Billy clubbed in hand cuffs.  You’ve had a rare existence and this too passed.  And all the time you sat in cells with ugly little men and women with too much power and  petty little sex organs you thought it was over and it wasn’t.  The big clanging door opened and closed and you walked out and loved the sun.

And every valley you knew where you prayed, Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil’,. There was a mountain to be climbed and you did. You stood above the clouds and laughed at the beauty. You stood on the little boat with not a soul around for hundreds of miles. You bicycled  in the mountains. Skied forever black diamond. Swam across summer lakes.  You lay on the side of the road in a ditch with a tarp wondering if the morning would come. You sat in the wee hours of a pup tent on asphalt beside a motorcycle wondering what that sound was. In the deepest woods you listened to the snuffling ruffling of a very big bear holding a very little knife wondering when he would attack. In an igloo you knew another bear was outside. In the morning the tracks confirmed your fear but you weren’t eaten.  You passed through another day. And got older and older and older and now you’re sometimes quite shocked that you’re still here and it’s more likely you’re just pass away with a shelf life expired. And always you were not alone. Always were surrounded by an unseen force, protected by prayers, comforted.

It’s been a good romp. All the ups and downs made the ups particularly appealing. God, the lovers were something. To precious. Too special. Candlelight and fragrances.  Sweaty naked bodies. To know those embraces.  To love.  Ah, life is good, like chocolate.

To see a dog shaking all over when you come through the door. To feel a cat rub by you purring, the most you could expect. To hear from a friend from high school. To wave at a face in a crowd. To see the familiar. 

To watch the dolphins cresting before the bow. To see the whales breaching so close beside you you could touch them.  To listen to the eagles at their nest on the lone tree near the mountain top. To watch the otter on the dock, the beaver busy gnawing the wood. 

To hear the pounding sound and see the blur of the blue grouse in the fir and pine. To watch the salmon swimming upstream in the creek. To swim with sharks and whales. To scuba dive at night when the monsters are really out and the beauty and lights are beyond incredible.  To lie in the morning smelling her and wondering how can something not apple pie smell so sweet and adorable. To laugh at the jokes of old friends especially the really  old friends with more wisdom and experience and no tolerance for the arrogance of tyrants. To laugh in sympathy and surety that we have been through the same inner experience. Talking of God and other intangibles in whispers around camp fires.   There are scars and without scars you don’t get into heaven.  And pains to remind one of good times.  The plane crashes, the car crashes, the motorcycle crashes, the terrorist bombs.  

You walked away.  Each day till today you’ve won life’s lottery. You’ve spun the wheel and arrived at a new day. Perhaps today will be the same. It’s likely. You’re a winner. God loves you.  God loves me. I am loved as I love. I am blessed in life and in dreams.

Really even if they don’t give me my own personal space ship with multiple thrusters and a modular global home with an incredible view and hot tub and pool and deck and sunken living room and fireplace anywhere I want in the world, with an unlimited bank account, I’ve had this time and the time has been precious and more valuable than all else, but love. To have love I must give it way.  Ironic, eh. .  I love time and hope to make the most of it today. 

Thank you, Love.

The Multiverse and Christ

The study of physics celebrates the grandeur and infinity of God.  All possibilities exist in God.  Man has limited His miracles and capabilities always reducing His possibilities to the limits of his imagination.  The truth is much more.  God is all and everything and everyone.  We exist in and of God, our creator.  We are made in the image of God;in God’s imagination we exist. Life is a dream in God’s Dream and we are co dreamers in His infinite expanse of fluctuating energy, slow and fast, mass, matter, energy.  Oscillating, interacting, interfacing. We encounter God with every thought we have of God.
The linear progression of time is illusory for reality expands from the centre, goes off in every direction from each moment with countless opportunities.  Choice abounds.  There is one consciousness attuned to God.  A forward motion of the individual psyche.  A thought that rides a wave of infinite waves and infinite thoughts.  Each action begets unnumbered possibilities. Each thought and each action and each feeling expands like ripples.  A pebble dropped in an ocean creates circles upon circles  of motion.  Out from the centre the brain prunes the past possibilities as every path reduces the dwindling number of choices. The wee small voice becomes quieter as another voice expands in volume and waves intersect with waves.  There is  still has a literal  cacophony of sound in the wee small voice, in the ultimate praise to God, the soundless silience, the paradox of paradoxes, God of God.
Everyone everywhere is reincarnating. God is always birth and death and renewal.  The telescope shows expanding universe and the microscope begets electron microscope.  The aha of child looking into the pond and the wonder of the shepherd looking at the stars of the night sky. Stories upon stories.  Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. Out of the stuff of miracles are countless futures made.  Miracles are the norm and the norm is sacred.  The dance is everywhere  and everything.  The music is there always to be heard.  The Love is ever near.
St. Theresa of Avila in Inner Castle points to distractions.  The light calls. There is always the light and we walk towards the light.  There are many castles.  There are many doorways. Distractions.  Proceed to the light.
As Plato said, there are projection of life on the shadows on the wall but the projector is God.
Parallel universes and every possibility expand out from a centre of now. Practicing the presence of God as Brother Lawrence said,  God is only in the now. Time as we know it, is an illusion.  History as we know is manufacture.  Saving the appearance. The Holy Bible is the holy in deepening awareness with every encounter.  Each day begins fresh.  It is we who cling to the residues of yesterday. It is our fear and resentment that limit the divine possibilities of tomorrow.  God's is a god of infinite gifts.  We have but to pray and believe. If we have faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains.  Jesus says, “ye of little faith’. He is speaking directly to me.
The collective reality of today is the ‘norm’ , the ‘least possible’, the ‘lowest denomination’ , the materialist jungle.  Only gravity pulls down our imagination. We fear to let go of the past. We cling to our memories and deny Revival.
We fear.  Jesus commands, "Do not be afraid."  Still we fear.  We fear death.  We fear change. We fear  and Satan is fear. The opposite of evil is life.   The collective fear is gravity, so grave.  We are pulled down from soaring like eagles by the gravity of fear.  Death does not conquer. Jesus rose again.  Jesus called, "Follow me" And we shall rise again.
Shout Halleljujah.  Sing psalms of deliverance.  Give thanks unto the lord. Soar as on Eagles wings.  He lives. He is Risen. And so are we. The Good News. The Gospel.

A Good life

Death conquers all.
There is so much arrogance in audience.
The dying take center stage.

 All but  the newborn's cry are upstaged.
The baby's wail alone is more commanding,
Than groan or keening lamentation.

Somewhere a fat lady sings.
The soldier says the bullet
Has the name on it.

Practicing the presence:
The infinite mystery, inexplicable.
There is no rushing ultimate reality,
In the margins of existence,
We wait.

"Patience!"

The good death is refined.
Messy with elegance,
Dying, an art beyond all art.
The tea brewed to perfection.
Is savoured to the last drop.

Love  is in the outlying.
Departures and meetings, meaningful.
The melody goes beyond the lyrics;
The silence  outlasts the storm.

Thank you for your gifts, dear brother.
Thank you for making this home.

I believe

I believe in one God.
I believe God is the creator and the creation, father, son and creating creation, the holy ghost.
I believe that God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipotential.
I believe that God is Good.
I believe that as there is one time and that time is now then the unfolding of creation is expanding and perpetrating from all directions to this moment and every other moment in a myriad of possibilities beyond my own capacity to comprehend at this moment.  I believe that this explains fate and free will.  That I am free to choose my fate and fated to choose what I freely do.  I believe that paradox is central to my perception of creation. I am "seeing as through a glass darkly'.
I believe that of all the emotions best associated with God's relationship with creation, love is the the best to describe that relationship and in turn I love God., the father and the son.
I believe the Bible is a holy book and the words of holy men who have known God and God's will.  I believe that even if "all roads lead to Rome"  some are definitely more rocky, painful and longer than others.
I believe in life eternal.  I do not believe that with death I cease to exist but rather that a new adventure begins.  I believe this life a chapter in a book that God is writing.
I believe this life is some sort of play and that as I learn more more will be revealed.  There is meaning to living and living brings meaning.
I believe I must understand myself and others more than judge them.
I believe Jesus commanded "Do not be afraid' and that fear kills and harms.  Fear itself is an enemy though there is healthy fear which might better be called 'respect'.
I believe all the world's religions are man's attempt at knowing God and understanding the relationship between God and Nature and God and man.  I believe that religions which encourage killing are less evolved than religions that encourage love.
I think that life often can be compared developmentally with children and various ideas and actions have a place and time developmentally but are wrong at later stages in living.  Hence a 40 year old man or a culture might think about where it dumps its waste better than an immature man or culture. However  as most tribes and cultures have survived to this date tens of thousands of years then like species each has it's own intrinsic specialization and adaptation so should be considered humbly when one compares at all.
I feel that prayer and meditation are important to my relationship with God as are congregating with others in worship and praise.  I believe that we are to relate to God alone and in community.
I believe in love but I know that words and platitudes do not speak as clearly as actions, service and sacrifice.
I believe.