There was an awful smell in the RV which the Merry Maid cleaning ladies yesterday found was coming from the heating vent as water was pooling beneath it. It turned out that that the outlet valve had been closed and backed up worse when I ran the washing machine. Now it’s better. I’ve cleaned up and again have the vents open and am airing. It helped that the cleaning ladies cleaned the place. I’d left it a mess when I went hunting.
Unfortunately the cleaning ladies were delayed so they didn’t finish till 7 and I missed my men’s meeting.
I did start my Oxford course and read the intro material. I have to do 10 hours a week
There’s a medical legal report that needs doing as wel.
I’m working an extra day this week to make up taking Monday off at the last minute.
I’ve paid $1700 for the survey of the GIRI to be able to continue insurance. I’ve had it for sale but only low ball offers and with the insurance I’ll be able to procrastinate sale. Right now I’m working 3/4 time so money just seems to go to the Trudeau tax machine. It’s discouraging considering what Trudeau, Singh and Freeland are doing. Trudea and Freeland really do looking impaired at times. They call his private plane, the ‚cokemobile and Hunter apparently left coke in the White House. I’d like to see them all drug tested.
Meanwhile I’m still considering my relationship with God.
Fundamentally as Buber says there’s I AND YOU. I am not God so that leaves the other as God in the dichotomy.
I’ve finished Andrew Marr’s History of the World and am listening to the audiobook a Brief History of the Earth by geology Andrew Knoll.
I’ve had spring sexual feelings and wonder if it’s lust or direction.
Laura hasn’t apologized for her behaviour so continues to act as an ‚untreated al anon and unchristian. She’s God. I listen to mentors and hear the issue of those who ‚blame and don’t accept accountability. I realize she’’s always done the feminist things of being the victim in jargon. I don’t have such a ticket. My friends say ‚get down of the cross we can use the wood. Canadian women collectively have accepted the ‚victim’ role to major advantage and perpetuated the weak men with their divide and conquer strategies. If it’s good I did it. If it’s bad I don’t know. Determinism and Free Will Canadian style. I certainly miss her. I feel like I’m just an accessory though and realize that self love is central to sobriety, boundaries, and safety. I probably wouldn’t care if I didnt have such pain and disability and realize no one really cares and that we die alone and are born alone. Then it have to address expectations which are preformed resentments and the whole issue of here and now and that its a caregiver thing and the question of reciprocity and whose going to be there when there’s a barn raising. I miss the simplicity of prairie community and the advanced culture. I certainly don’t like Trudeau’s lack of culture. I don’t know really but am afraid.
Right now the cost of living is affecting everyone and I’m sometimes aware that I’m without pension and without house and without children or family. I could be anxious but I have my dog. He’s the best excuse for living. I’ve myself as the first baby of my existence. My body and my consciousnesses. I have chronic back pain and increasing fragility. Deafness, tremors, unsteadiness.,
Mostly I don’t exercise enough. Mostly I’m rather lazy. I do like the couch, tv and dinner and ice cream times with the dog. Finished the pizza I ordered a couple of nights back. I even had the casesar salad.
I manage. One day at a time.
This prehistory course of religion and rites is a challenge. I’m reading another book called Prehistory
Each day is better when the sun is shining. Right now it’s raining but I’ve walked the dog once around the park and towelled him off.
God is good all of the time . I know that God is love and not god is fear. The issue of absence , the devil turning his back on the light. Worrying is wicked. Yet I don’t know and do the next right thing. I do enjoy riding my motorcycle. I’m a bit stymied by the idea of driving to Napanee but don’t see driving to California so daunting.
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