I have a whole lot of moving parts to get stowed and on my way. I began the chores. My concern was the stairs caught on the tongue of the trailer. They’d slotted in when I stepped down. It made getting in and out of the trailer easier but I didn’t know how I was going to free it without damage. Much to my surprise I had the garbage bagged, clothings stowed, and cabin pretty ship shape as I was making expresso coffee.
One of the reasons for getting out of bed, I was laying there considering staying, was the idea of writing this journal. I like journaling. I like putting thoughts on paper. I think it connects me with my mother. She was my first fan. She celebrated my learning the alphabet and encouraged me to write. I always think of that play put on by the high school, “I remember momma”.
I expect she would have preferred a conservative ‘normal’ kid. I was the radical intellectual with spiritual longings and ‘too smart for my own good’. . Now today I can be found wearing a dress or riding a Harley or sailing solo blue water or back in the wilderness with a rifle.
She has Ron’s children and grandchildren. I’ve tried in marriage to have family, devoted 25 years to it. I even was sperm tested to see if I was fertile, certainly one of the most humiliating experiences of my time. Then a woman said she aborted my baby while I was prepared to be a father. It’s a rough life. You can dwell on the negatives or celebrate the positives.
This morning there was chill in the air. It’s mid summer but at 4 am it was brisk on this mountain. The fragrance of the sweet morning air, the pink tinge of dawn light, all brought back a wealth of memories. All those other mornings when I was up with the dawn and feeling the chill and taking that first breath.
I am blessed to have a furnace in the camper. I turned it on because I could. By the time the coffee was ready, the cabin was cozy warm and I turned off the furnace. I noticed the fridge was now down to 32 degrees. It’s cold but it took a couple of days. It used to be cold in a few hours. I must ask the fellow back to see if he can improve this. I’m camping again in a few weeks. This is good though. Nothing went bad. Meat is frozen along with ice cream.
I’m sitting here in a jean skirt, sandals and a Spanish t shirt showing old buildings and red flowers which aren’t roses. I keep learning the names of flowers and trees only to forget them again. I’ve learned and forgotten so much. Just thinking of anatomy and biochemistry astonishes me. I love the memories of creating 3D pictures in the room with my mind of the structural compounds adding and subtracting elements to change the nature of the chemical properties. I remember too when the unconscious was so new, learning all the internal process of the mind. Today I’m considering the moving parts of getting my camper and truck underway. I’m towing the ATV and it’s a 3 hour journey through the mountains. I ve done so many journeys. My first hunting trip was to Whipsaw in the late 80’s with the VW Rabbit that I got stuck in the snow . I turned around and came home too poor and unwilling to risk the cost of sliding off the logging road. Over the years I’ve accumulated the equipment appropriate for the task and been truly blessed at times to be outfitted sufficiently.
This weekend I hadn’t really planned to come out camping not knowing if the Camper Jacks would be repaired. Now here I am having had a magnificent time driving all around the back woods in my ATV with the dog in his box behind me. He had a grin whenever I looked back. He was so happy too to jump out when I released his harness. He sniffed and peed everywhere. So much boy and dog excitement. Madigan, the cock apologize.
Yesterday rifle practice was good too. I loved target shooting with a captain one day who said he shot thousands of rounds a year to keep up his skills. For him the government was paying for ammunition but the message wasn’t lost on me. I try to get out and shoot a few times in the summer to be ready for fall. I love the Ruger bolt action 223. That’s a great target practice round. I was happy the 300 win mag was shooting true from the start. The 300 win mag is probably $2 a bullet while the 223 is more like 75 cents. Obvious 22 shells are only 10 cents when bought in bulk but I don’t find that I enjoy shooting the 22 as much as the 223. Yet I remember as a child and young adult taking great pleasure and pride in endless target practicing with the 22. The culmination was when I was given 12 yo and given 22 shells in exchange for gophers by my grandfather and father when we were on his ranch one year. I think I only missed once and shot a load of gophers.
Now it’s time to go. I was afraid the steps would be a problem but after I lifted the happy jacks I was able to get them unhook by back the trailer up turning. Now it’s just a few last things to stow and we’ll be on our way. It seemed for a moment to be overwhelming but I’m glad I’m up so early and will get breakfast at A&W. My buddy is chewing on a store stick. I barbecued a steak last night and we shared it. It was good. I had no need of anything else but that and fruit salad dish.
Sleep was wonderful. I feel really restored. I love the light and shadows this morning. The slanting rays of the morning sun create such charm. I understand painters being so cognizant of the time of day.
Thank you Jesus for another day. Help me to be closer to you. Help me to know you more Lord. Friend.
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