Nightmares

The nightmares return like old aches after new exercise.
The school canings, the border patrol police batons, the rape, the knives,
Bullet holes in windows, late night phone calls, being held hostage,
Locked doors,  bars on windows, smug faces that still believe they're safe,
Threats upon threats, upon threats, and these from the supposedly civilized.
Then mostly the betrayals, the dissillusionment, the lies and more lies,
And a certain creepy negativity that burrows like a blood sucking bug.

You thought they were gone. You thought you were over them.
Another sleepless restless night, sweat soaked pillow,
Waking in darkness fleeing from a phantom, the no escape dream.
And the no weapon dream, the old person dream, the poor person dream,
The naked in a public place dream., the trapped and screaming unheard dream.

The world seems a less real place in the morning.
The nightmare world that began here then took a back seat in sleep
Now returns to centre stage.

I am afraid to go outside, to go to work, to be with people,
There is no hiding under blankets place,  still, I want to run away,
A northern forest, the open road, the endless seas..
I will prepare molotov cocktails and invest in security systems once again.

Of course this too shall pass, and I will wash and dreas, and go to work.
But walk with hunched shoulders, slowly, carefully, waiting for the attack,
Startling at loud sounds, scanning strangers,
Till eventually the new day has time to
Invade the loneliness and despair, demanding attention
Proclaiming a new blossom of spring, a wagging tail dog,
A baby in a passing stroller,
A friend will tell a joke and the laughter will start again, stiffly,
The old machinery of hope and optimism will take over
Then sometime soon the sleep will come again.
I will walk with my mom and my old dog in dreams,
Return to childhood family gatherings with long dead relatives,
Fly on wings over forests and streams,
Gather with thousands in celebration,
Hearing the songs of ages,
Hugging and laughing in dreams of golden meadows,
Safe in the arms of God.
I just have to get through this day, perhaps the next
Till the nightmares go and love returns.