Humility as a Spiritual Law

"Neither fear of God, nor mercy, nor faith, nor self mastery, nor any other virtue can be achieved without humility. Moreover , humility destroys all the arrows of the enemy. All the saints followed the way of humility and laboured at it…Do you see the power of this virtue? Indeed there is nothing stronger than humility, for nothing can conquer it. If some affliction befalls a humble man, he immediately blames himself for deserving it and will not reproach or blame another. Thus he endures everything that may befall (him) untroubled, without grief, with perfect calm; and so he is angered by no one and angers none."
St. Dorotheos of Gaza
I have been obsessed like many with politics recently. It is not good for my peace of mind.  I see that there are those of my friends who feel towards Donald Trump the new president of the US the way I feel towards Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada. Indeed the failure of Justin Trudeau has no doubt caused major anger and displacement of that anger towards Trudeau onto Donald Trump since Liberals will blame anyone but themselves for their failures.  I like Donald Trump and I don’t like Justin Trudeau.  They despise Donald Trump and don't have any real feelings for Justin Trudeau To the doctor in me I’d say we both have allergic reactions to two different antigens.
Regardless of this both men and their influence is in the affairs of men.  Jesus said , “Give unto Cesar, Cesar’s due.”  He repeatedly said his focus was the “Kingdom of Heaven”.  When I allow my feelings and passions to be played with by the deceitful self serving media I become a victim of the propaganda.
The basis of anger is fear. I have resentment towards Justin Trudeau because of what I perceive as his terrifyingly incompetent leadership, his wasteful spending, his allegiance to the United Nations and Saudi Arabia, his giving billions of Canadian dollars away to cronies overseas under the guise of ‘foreign aid’ where repeated investigations of Canadian ‘foreign aid’ has showed its gone directly to arming criminals;his Globalist  Agenda, his sole allegiance to Quebec ruled by biker gangs and mafia, his arrogant disgust of English Speaking Canadians and Western Canada specifically,  his importation of thousands of angry migrant young men whose extreme religion is against all that Canadians like myself value;and his appearance of utter ignorance of the cost and despair his ‘aggressive’ policies involve along with all the broken promises of the election campaign. His utter deceitfulness is frightening when one looks back at history and sees that leaders who have got into power on one mandate have suddenly switched gears and proposed a personal agenda which is self serving but threatens to bring the majority of Canadians to poverty and war.  His economic polices are disastrous.
Obviously I could go on.
I have this recurrent image of myself on my Harley Davidson Electroglyde 1600 cc Motorcycle barrelling along life’s freeway at a 110 km/hr and there in the centre of the road is a huge steaming pile of human excrement, a bullshit pile of immense dimension.  Now like a rookie motorcyclist I’m studying that pile with fascination.
( “if some affliction befalls a humble man, he immediately blames himself for deserving it and will not reproach or blame another.")
Emmett Fox, the spiritual leader, teaches quite succinctly the fundamental spiritual  ‘law of attraction’, that that which I am attracted to I will go to and will find more of and indeed God, a loving parent, will give me more of.  I am seeing politics everywhere.  I am aiming my motorbike right at the pile of excrement. I am emotionally disturbed to hear Justin Trudeaus whining snivelling debutante voice, the voice of a high school acting student. I am irritated to see his fatuous face. I’m emotionally invested in his male imitation of Myla Cyress.  I have given him power.  It’s not at the rational thought level that the law of attraction works but rather at the ‘feeling level’.  The problem with Trudeau and with politics and the media is that I’m watching them and listening to them. It’s mostly Facebook with that weasel leftist little Lenin wannabe Zuckerberg and his advertising now on my once personal stream.  His propaganda is constantly bringing forward the radical leftist agenda he wants. He’s a lipstick liberal, just like Lenin, a rich lawyer boy who maintained his wealth and status manipulating brownshirt peasants just as the socialist Hitler did to put himself in power and Lord it over the masses.
Zuckerberg now is promoting poverty for all with the globalist agenda that guarantees a liberal elite unprecedented power. World Communism (often presented  under the guise of socialism, like a candy coated tourd)achieved finally through the Frankfurt school and work of Italian Gransci et al.  This isn’t ‘paranoia’ or ‘racism’ or any of the ‘propaganda’ ‘sloganeering’ that passes as intelligence to this incredibly stupid people whose principal communication is ‘name calling’.  At least their standard chanting war refrains have gone up a notch from their ‘running dog imperialist’ poor English translation of Chinese and Russian bullies.  They’ve refined their marketeering to the local but continue to wage war on society because only with global war can they topple those who are in charge and place themselves in charge.
The Left want a revolution and they want war.  The lipstick liberals and their limousine elite crowd want total war.  Only in WWIII will they be able to ‘win’ to the top. Lenin was as great a murdering leader as Mohammed.  Mohammed was as great a war  lord as Stalin and Hitler.  There is no surprise that communists and muslims have formed ranks today to create global jiahad, sharia communism, because they are both spawn of warlords, the genius of murdering mad men.
By contrast Jesus and Buddha are not war lords.  Constantine, a Roman emperor lead Christians as did eastern leaders lead Buddhists to war but the religion of Jesus and the Buddha were not war leaders. Islam is a religion of war. Buddhism and Christianity are religions love and peace.  Marx promoted war and claimed that war was necessary. Communism is a aetheist death religion given it's the only true political expression of aetheism.  Nazism, another socialism was neopagan, lead by the neo pagan Hitler.  The paid gangs of rioters who serve George Soros and his economy crashing ambulance chaser follow the actual play books of toppling nations created by  Mohammed and Marx/Lenin/Engels and Castro and Mao.  Pierre Trudeau, Justin Trudeau's father, used the same agenda to bring tanks into Canada and declare national law before destroying the economy and overwhelming the health care system by bringing the sick families of immigrants into the country as paid voters.  It's called 'political science' and it's the science of 'soft war' which precedes 'hard war'.  These men aren't pacifists. They war mongers.  Stalin just continued the mass murdering Lennin began. Mohammed's family continued jihad right into Spain and almost took Venice were it not for the defensive Crusades that stopped their global war after the Muslims killed millions of non muslims , a practice they continue today.  Every day an Iman in a mosque in a western country calls for the death of non muslims. This is no religion of peace. Communism is equally a religion of death and destruction. Why Justin Trudeau is lying to Canadians is what terrifies us.
Intelligently I disagree with the Liberal position because Communism has destroyed country after country and the destruction of the once great Europe is occurring now because of the very policies that Justin Trudeau is putting forward.  Atheists have killed more people in a century than all the religions of the world killed in all the centuries before.
So I am afraid.  If I were calm about this matter I’d be like the great political writer JJ McCullough who always has a certain aloof wry humour to his commentary. He doesn’t have the hysteria that is so obviously insane that immediately indicates that a person isn’t there for a discussion but rather for an argument. JJ McCullough only tried to discuss the privilege and bullying of Canada by Quebec and Quebec parliamentarians wanted him silenced and censored. Today the left wants to silence anyone who doesn't promote Sharia Communism.
I don’t think I’m perfectly sane when I speak about that great asshole Justin Trudeau. There is the Big Kahuma and then there is the big Asshole.  I’m indelicate and this bothers me to.  I have been taught as a gentleman that I must respect the ‘rank’ even if I consider the ‘man or woman’ who holds the rank a ’turd’.  Yet here I am down at the low brow level of the leftist Trudeau calling him names like he and his followers did to Mr. Harper.  I have lost the high ground and am fighting in the sordid streets where the brown shirt gangsters of the liberals and their low brow followers congregate with niqab covered faces so the cameras don't pick up their looting jewelry stores.
Politics because it is about fear and aggression brings out the worst in us.  It's brought out the worst in me. It’s like the business meetings of Alcoholic Anonymous. I saw the most serene and loving of people who had shown no hostility go mad with rage over the discussion of how the chairs in the room were to be placed.  I’ve watched churches divide over the politics of who will be granted the contract for the repair of the roof. No greater hostility and violence of spirt was apparent to me than at the university where the vilest of human behaviour occurs because of the lust for power and grants in those not so hallowed halls of a great deal of business and a huge dollop of politics and just a little taste of learning.  Institutions are by nature the seats of politics and the place where humans best learn ’the sport of politics’.  There’s compromise and team playing. But they're commonly vicious and deceitful.  Canada is a toxic country.  It wasn't always such.
Anyone like me who is happiest alone is normally no better than a critic because critics are a loud cacophony of idiocy that surrounds all human endeavour. It’s the boots on the ground people like Justin Trudeau and Donald Trump who are the leaders of the world.  Donald Trump goes every day to work and Justin Trudeau goes to work when he’s not vacationing with his large extended family.
 I honestly fear I couldn’t last a day in parliament because I think politics is downright stupid. It really scares me. They’re like a street gang in suits.  Tough boys and girls fighting for their personal gain and claiming that it’s for the good of all, all the while trying to please a myriad of rich and poor suitors.  It’s horrid.
In psychiatry we speak of projection and counter projection.  When I use the term ‘projection’ I mean that I’m putting emotionally on another what I am carrying over from my past.  Counter projection is the equal and opposite play of emotional baggage. No one is without it.  If a black man has been beat up by three white men he will be suspicious of the fourth. If a white man has been beat up by 3 black men he will be suspicious of the fourth.  Everyone uses tactics to get the other person to ‘disarm’ emotionally. The strategy favoured by psychopaths and sociopaths is to demand ‘unilateral disarmament’.  “Trust me”.  The naive youth are forever becoming the cannon fodder because they’re so stupid. I’m a crotchety old dog because I’ve survived this long only because I’ve been beat up and lied to by politicians and media and the rich and powerful and gangs and I’ve just barely survived with an inordinate number of scars. If people don’t have scars they weren’t in the fight.  The guy who lost his leg in war wasn’t stupid as the people back home think, he was where the action was.  Only the wounded know.  A whole lot of people live off the deaths of others and because they’re dishonest about their indebtedness come up with all manner of insanity to convince themselves they’re better.
When I first reported to the authorities a person who was killing and breaking the law I was savaged. I have been savaged every time I have reported killers, pedophiles and thieves.  Kill the messenger is the basic Canadian strategy of ‘preserving the status quo’.  The ‘bad man’ is part of a ‘bad nest’. If you just take out one as I learned early in my career the others who support that evil turd will come after you.
Justin Trudeau represents a third of Canadians, most of Quebec, a whole lot of Eastern urban girls and boys and a whole lot of bought votes like the refugees he brought in on condition they would vote for him.  Two thirds of Canadians don’t like him.  The vast majority of Germans did not like Hitler or his party initially.  It doesn’t take a ‘majority’ of people to take over a country. That’s the basic principle of communist revolution. They take over countries by infiltration of key organizations and undermine individuals.  The problems the Americans faced with North Vietnamese is the assassination teams that roamed the countryside of south Vietnamese killing any good leaders in the villages.
 In Canada ‘character assassination’ is the name of the game and anyone who stands up to the bullies in power will be subjected to attacks the likes of what we witnessed with Donald Trump. No one will ever know how many women Obama groped and how often he said he was going to get some pussy other than Michelle.  It didn’t matter that Bill Clinton was a rapist or at least Hillary paid a woman off so she would not have to face that slur in court.  Who cares if Hillary and Abedin had a lesbian relationship but Donald Trump was slurred in the most intimate way.  The prostitutes that Mao or Lenin had were never an issue politically because the left doesn’t care about their own leaderships ‘foibles’ or ‘humanity’.  The bullies don’t have a code or standards.  They exist to use those with a code or standards against them.
I always hear loner aetheists calling people who go to church hypocrites yet there is no greater group of hypocrites than an atheist philosophy department. My favourite hypocrite is an atheist philosopher. The greatest whiner of modern times was the great deconstructionist who had an emotional hissy fit when a brilliant philosopher subjected his pet deconstruction theory to deconstruction.  Critics are only good when they are pointing fingers.
I brought up PROJECTION because I know I’m “projecting’ when I am critical of Justin Trudeau. He and his wife Sophie absolutely remind me of my time professoring at the  university when I was married and I believed and spoke all that fatuous effete dilletante crap that gets a guy laid with stupid girls after drinking a little wine and smoking a few joints. We all ‘love’ and ‘love’ is good and the girls back then were so easy, like Sophie. Sexy, easy, adoring, sensual.  A regular white bra Kardasian.  You imagine they’ve got dildos and do anal and oral sex and it’s fun in the bedroom when Sophie isn’t manipulating and conniving and giving Trudeau shit, when Sophie and his mother, the drug addict sexsensationalist Maggie Trudeau aren’t ganging up on the poor guy.  He’s actually taken his "in laws" on vacation. Where are the comedians with such rich material.  Really. Where are they.  Cowards. The Justin Trudeau family with all the sex scandals and drugs and Maggie and Sophie and Trudeau and the nannies and the private helicopter rides to satanic islands of concubines and privacy is just hilarious material but no, the comedians don't dare. Canada is a police state. Comedians have been fined for 'speech'. Overnight with the throning of Justin Trudeau the Dark Ages settled into Canada and we reverted to a world where criticizing Mohammed or Allah meant death.  Now comedians don't laugh at the bizarre nest that is the dope smoking Trudeau family.
I was Justin Trudeau. I was a young man in a very bad place and I felt suicidal with the difficulty of the decisions I had to make when I was at the top in my University days professoring and lecturing and sounding like an arrogant idiot I was. I blamed anything and everything on everything and anything but me.
Justin Trudeau’s life is the shits. I had it. I was right there mouthing platitudes and arguing with the wife at home. I never had the monster children that required 2 nannies and the dozen army and navy seals surrounding them and talking to them and keeping them in line along with the crazy wife and crazy mother and all the manufacturers of weapons and marijuana wanting me to push their product. Then there’s  the nightmares of Daddy's  elephant and the mouse  causing him to be with out sleep and he’s just wanting everyone to love him. Then the fucking media who he's bought and paid for takes a picture of him eyeing Ivanka’s tits with raw lust , and only yesterday  he elbowed the tit of just about the best looking breasts in the opposition.  No one understands what it’s like to be a castrated man and he’s acting his very best trying to please the bike gangs and mafia in Quebec and when he met the head of China he wet himself if he wasn’t sodomized by that really barbaric scary dude.  Justin Trudeau keeps having to have dinner with guys who have literally killed thousands, many with their own hands. He's dining in Cuba with guys who have gone into jails where they've personally tortured peasants then killed these defenceless unarmed men with a shot to the back of head or a slash of a machete.  Muslim leaders   are chopping off the heads of people in public executions today and men chop of the heads of their wives without legal consequence.  Justin is meeting these people and he''s got to be in shock.  This is a vacuous part time drama teacher and pot head snow board who calls himself a 'feminist' to get laid by his really bitchy silly wife.  You really don’t think the Chinese leader hasn’t taken some personal pleasure in physically snuffing out the life of his enemy with his bare hands. Lenin got a real rush killing people personally . He loved being able to use his spy agency to hunt down Trotsky and snuff him in Mexico.
Justin Trudeau liked his bro Obama, he was slick like the other boys at school, a lawyer, who joked with him after dinner snorting a few lines of coke maybe . A couple of the boys laughing over cigars Obama told Trudeau what a rush to authorize a drone strike.  They probably laughed about how they'd like to drone strike Donald Trump and maybe Rona Ambrose. God, power is glorious.  Obama was Justin's friend and now this fucking Donald Trump is just as likely to poison Trudeau in Trudeau’s eyes as he is to whack a terrorist or drug cartel leader.  Donald Trump scares the shit out of Trudeau.   That explains why Trudeau always walks like he has a wet one in his white shorts.  He’s shitting himself.  Now where are the Canadian comedians with this stuff.  Charlie Head was murdered and the fact is no one in Canada not on government pay is pay enough to take any risks. Canadian comedians are cowards. I don't blame them. But really, the material here is priceless.
I was shitting myself when I was in my thirties and forties trying to sort out the lies from the lies and having all these idiots criticizing me and judging me.  .
Trudeau is my younger self. I’ve not forgiven myself. I’ve not forgiven my gullibility. I continue to hold resentments to the leaders who punished me for reporting their killing drunken drug addicted cronies. I”m still angry that the women protected the deadly drug addicted women even more than the old boys club.  I hated the double standards.  Racism is all about letting a minority kill because they’re a minority and I watched that happened and reported that but they got a free pass but the white guy got it then I got it for ‘not being a team player’.  I was supposed to watch the killing and stealing go on and wait my turn.  I was supposed to be a support to organization and never never never never be a ‘whistle blower’.  Being a ‘whistle blower’ in my case just served to hurt the good leader who had the weak secondary so that the really evil dirty killing competitor got in power.  It was a lesson in what Winston Churchill called "real politic".  His mother slept around too but she was discrete about it. My mother didn't.  My mother and father were salt of the earth.
That’s what I like about Melania. I don’t think she sleeps around. Her son is most important to her.  My mother didn’t sleep around because her children were most important to her.  Naturally having been a son I like that trait in a woman. It’s otherwise dubious especially to a group into orgies.  They would naturally not like that trait in a woman. I didn’t like non drinkers when I drank.  I really like that Donald Trump doesn’t drink. I keep wanting Trudeau drug tested but that’s just my past talking. I was punished with years of drug testing because being the least important youngest member of a drunken orgying  drug doing important crowd who were competing with the resentful fearful political non drinking non drugging monogamous crowd.  I was the sacrifice.  Nothing changed in the bigger picture. I lost millions in potential income.  Some would say I saved my soul.  I somedays think I'd rather of saved my ass.  I took the road less travelled. Now all that history is dying around me. The players are 5 and 10 years older and dying of cancer and sexually transmitted diseases and alcohol and drug abuse and dementing early.
I don’t think Justin Trudeau has the character I had.  I probably sell him short. Politicians are such whores. I was like that. I turned down a gig as a naked pole dancer and refused to do major crime. I was invited. I was there at the gate. I turned away. I don’t know if Trudeau would.  He's always seemed so weak.  Power crazed liked his father in that way and addicted like his mother.
I’m old today. I really believe I’d take a gig as a naked pole dancer today.  If someone offered me the kind of money they offered me at 20.  I just turned down a couple of thousand dollars a day pushing marijuana. I turned down the easiest job of doing abortions with a couple of months vacation, half million a year and 30 hour work week.  God there’s really money to be made on the dark side, that grey area that the Liberal government celebrates.  I personally have moved more into public health than the personal health arena simply because I’m so tired of being beat up defending the underdogs. I’m tired of constantly paying big money out of my own pocket to stop people being killed and for what.
The fact is we get the leaders we deserve.  Isaiah said that of Israel.  Trudeau is a puppet. He’s a silly little boy with a bitch wife and a crazy mother and a flakey fatuous life and low brow take on reality, experiencing a kind of drug addicted party with all the trappings of a gang fest and he’s probably dying in side.  He's mostly likely sold his soul and his ass.
When I was in that world it was horrible. Sitting next to a guy talking about maiming someone for profit with a whole lot of shakers and makers of society around me and the wife kicking me under the table to shut up.  I remember the dinner parties of bores and all those UN type egos and the utter stupidity. I just haven’t been able to do that without pot and wine. When I was smoking pot and drinking wine I could sit at such a function and get through the night ogling the girls tits. I could even listen to my second mother in law, the greatest nut bar of womanhood mother in laws whose insanity competed with the third mother in laws whose existence was the basis of all the worlds’ jokes about mother in laws. I simply couldn’t do that today. I sometimes think that the only way a sane person could accept Canadian politics today or listen to a CBC news cast is with a shit load of LSD on board.
Some one has to do that job which is probably worse than public sanitation.  I never liked tuxedos and having my picture taken and the sycophants saying how great I was.  I look at poor Justin and see that he’s really struggling.  The mentally retarded don’t have an easy life.  I’ve known Downs syndrome trisomy 21 adults and they laugh a lot and like eating and sex but they’re befuddled by life.
I’m clearer visioned today. That they had to do that old style communist political play with Justin in front of the blackboard equation prop massacring a description of a quantum computer he'd been coach all night on and prompted by the paid sycophant reporter was just too tragic.  Seeing that and the millions that went into that little play really showed just how stupid Justin must be and how many people really know it that they have to do that kind of political marketing. It was like when the Kennedy's were boinking Marilyn Munroes their handlers couldn't get enough of them backdropped by churches and talking to mother child functions.  It's politics.  But not for the good guys. They don't stoop need to stoop so low.   And I don't have to follow them there.  I'm the one watching this World Wrestling rigged massive theft fest.
I just have to follow the spiritual laws. The spiritual law of motorcycling is to focus on where you want to go.  If you see a big pile of human excrement on the highway of life you don’t watch it. You aim away from it. You go around around it.  When you were a kid you loved to scream ‘wee’ and go right through that shit but you’re not 20 30 or 40 anymore and you don’t drink and you don’t smoke so forget it. Keep your eyes on the road and enjoy the ride.
Go to the light.
Politics in general is a cluster fuck and a shit storm. CBC is the worst of news sources.  You know listening to it is like sticking a curling iron in your ear or up your ass. You’ve never done that, thank God so why do you ever turn on CBC and see how your tax payer money is being wasted and hear the worst sharia communist propaganda. They’re not going to give you the real news. They’re not going to show Justin Trudeau hugging the porcelain and upchucking his wine and guts into  the gilded toilet. CBC is not going to let you hear that Sophie is still telling him what an asshole he is after the media showed him ogling Ivanka’s tits.  It was maybe okay for Obama and Michelle and Sophie and Justin to do a little coke and have a little group sex in the White House but despite what the media say about Donald Trump he’s not going to like a foreign dignitary lusting after his brilliant beautiful and married daughter.  It doesn’t matter that he was a young cad, a father doesn’t take that shit.  So there’s Justin with a hangover and a headache and Sophie is giving him  her "I’ve got a feminist head ache for another lifetime routine " and Myla Cyress has a sexually transmitted disease and that fat ass Kardasian that Trudeau can’t get enough of watching when he’s not having to go to those boring boring meetings, has obviously got really bad hemorrhoids.  The Kardashians have hemorrhoids. Really. I thought everyone knew.
And I’m here with my dog.  I’m an egomaniac with a inferiority complex. I’m envious and afraid. And it’s got nothing to do with what’s happening today. I’ve got to get my head in the same room as my ass is and I’ve got to get my one foot out of the future and one foot out of the past and I’ve got to count my blessings.  I've got to accept God's in charge and the world is unfolding as it should.
I’ve got to accept that if I had never smoked dope then maybe Trudeau would not have become prime minister. That's the multiverse, at that node where I chose smoking and drinking to prayer and fasting,  I took chose the path that lead to this reality. I personally by my behaviour contributed to the cluster fuck I see us facing now.  This is my part of the group karma. In an alternate reality Justin Trudeau is still snowboarding and teaching kids drama. He has the fish mongers wife and the overbearing in laws and the nannies and all that shit but Canada has a real worthy prime minister who is a statesman and doesn't do drugs.   If I had been a good man and kept my nose to the grindstone instead of ogling girls tits when I was his age I would have perhaps stayed married to those darling women I married who make Sophie look like something hit by a truck . I”m reminded of my wive’s when I see Melania with Trump and her son Barron.  My first wife really looked like Melania. My second wife looked like Nicole Kidman. My third wife when she wasn't doing drugs was great.  I really was a loser like Trudeau when I was young sounding just as god awful stupid, singing ‘we shall overcome ‘ and smoking joints and fucking outdoors after the peace rallies. God it was great to be young and stupid.  At least I knew more about science,  physics,  computers on my worst day back then than he did on his best with all the best acting and science tutors and he still got it wrong.  I also taught drama back then so I really can see how incredibly bad he is in what he's supposed to be best at.  Whenever I see him and hear him in public it's like seeing Peewee singing opera. Such a bad performance. Maybe he snowboards better. I never snowboarded so maybe I'd not know what a farce he is.
Face it .  You’re jealous of Trudeau not because of his position but because of his age. You wish you could be young again and say no to dope and save yourself that wasted time when you took so many knocks in life because when you’re not fully aware you become a target. Poor Justin probably dreams of snowboarding and smoking a joint and wonders what the fuck happened to his life. And if he hadn’t smoked dope maybe he could still be a part time drama teacher snowboarding and not having to listen to the awful little kids, the in laws and the bitch wife Sophie a real fishmonger wife if ever there was one.
Here you’ve survived. You’ve got through the age of stupidity and there’s really no need to go through it.  Fast from face book. If you can give up beaujolais you can give up Face book or at least politics. Not JJ McCullough. You can read JJ but stay away from CBC and all those other main stream media marketing war mongering lie telling smooth sounding talking dick head programs.
Remember last week how good you felt listening to neurosciences driving to and from work. And don’t you see how much better you feel reading the writings of saints.  You read what Trudeau said about something and had to clean up the shit because your bowels didn’t know wether to vomit or have diarrhea. it was so unappealing. Go to the light.  Aim the motorcycle where you want to go.  Go around the shit and the shit heads.
You want to go to the light.
Forgive yourself.  Forgive Justin Trudeau. Forgive Donald Trump. Forgive all the politicians. Forgive the institution of politics. Forgive that little weasel Zuckerberg. Forgive Merkel. Forgive Mohahmmed even if he’s dead centuries and his killing still goes on.  Forgive Jesus and even Buddha because they left you and are probably in heaven watching the world and laughing at the entertainment that all this people wandering about in shit brings those who’ve gone before and get to look back from a place of grace.
And humility.
Always remember the mantra you created in your yogi days, “I am insignificantly significant and significantly insignificant’.  Get some humility happening. It’s all outside your pay grade.  You’re just another silly critic and poor Justin Trudeau gets enough shit from his mother and his wife and those Quebec biker gangs and all his other handlers.  He’s got the stupid downtown girl groupies but he can’t even look at Ivanka’s tits  Remember the trouble that porn dog Bill Clinton had.  He must have had Hillary blasting him every night. It's amazing they had a daughter with how angry that woman is all of the time.  He just wanted to get blow jobs from every young women and whatever success he had in life he’ll always be remembered as not knowing a blow job was a ‘sexual relationship’ and being an even greater liar than Nixon.
Why focus on these guys. There’s amazing guys doing amazing science and you listen to the stupid news when you can be listening to neurosciences like you did last week, hearing about the latest researcher on synapses say.
I know you hardly ever listen to this shit. You really do spend most of your time studying science and history and theology.  You've read dozens of texts on ethics and morality.  You practiced yoga and Tai Chi and pray and meditate.  I know  You try to avoid CBC like the plague turning it off but you still turn it on.  You're like a porn addict who can't resist a peek.  Everytime you listen to CBC propaganda it makes you sick.  Still you listen a bit.  5 minutes of kiddie porn.  That's all it takes to get the addiction to depravity raved up. And here you are indulging in just a taste of CBC like a crack addict who thinks he can just have a little taste then wonders why his whole attitude goes to shit.
Then yo go to Facebook despite the bullshit it’s become with more advertising and Zuckerberg filling your screen with his left wing propaganda pieces and saying 'we thought you'd like that'. And you screaming you Zuckerberg might like crack and kiddie porn but I don't want you shit lies in my home on my computer.
I liked the  dogs and humour. It’s like you keep opening the door to strangers and wondering why you can’t even block the intrusion of psychopaths and sociopaths because you won’t accept your mind is valuable. You love when you read the Bible. You felt so good last week reading Kierkegaars that your friend John Christiensen gave you. I know you don’t seek out this bullshit but you sure spend a long time looking at this piles of human excerment on the road before your swerve your motorcycle to safety. You're like a guy whose sober standing outside a liquor store window reading labels on the bottles and complaining about the display.   Go to the light.  Stay focused on the journey.
The journey is you become more humble, more virtuous, more honest, more learned, more wise, more relatable, and more spiritual.  You want to be a good person. You want to be of service to your fellow man. You want to make money so you can direct it to where you think it serves the most good. You want to do a whole lot of good things and instead you are distracted by all the shit.  You really have to get your act together and stop letting people get into your home and keep you from doing what you were doing.  They have child locks on computers to keep the criminals away from children. You need a Facebook without Zuckerberg's propaganda. You need a radio with the CBC news deleted from the dial. You got Sirius to listen to hymns and symphony but no you still, tired, at the end, of a very long day, driving home, turn on the radio to get the CBC news and what do you get, a headache.  And it’s okay to eat ice cream and watch Star Trek. It’s not like you don’t deserve it. You’ve served for decades so doing some things for yourself is okay. But why don't you really look on the bright side of life. Let someone else take care of Trudeau and Sharia Communism. You've spent your life fighting evil and getting beat up saving lives and doing the right thing.  For nearly 20 years now you've been clean and sober and you only binge drank and smoked dope a few years of your life.  You quit drinking because of your wife's drug problem.  It was great to get the help to stay sober and it was great to make all the friends who left that Justin Trudeau Sophie Obama Michelle Ottawa Washington Swamp life.  You have a good life. You're supposed to be preparing for a good death.  Prayer and fasting. Leave this world of Trudeaus and lies and CBC propaganda and globalist communism to the next generation. They may have to have a World War III and maybe they will not make it. I worry for my nephews who are so trusting and good and my god children who are so young.  But mostly I worry for my old age.  I see the government killing us old people off and having taken from us all our lives now when we are too old killing us like the Communists always do.  Firing squads or physician assisted suicides.  It's fear of aging that makes me cranky. It's my brother dying young.  It's the patients dying daily because of Trudeau's underfunding health care and encouraging addiction and drug abuse.  It's the insanity of greedy public policy.  It's aging. I'm afraid. I'm not doing well at humility. I'm not trusting God enough. God is good all of the time and God has been good to me despite myself. I must practice the presence of God and follow the light. I have allowed myself to be pulled down into the swamp and am choking on my own choice to swim in this muck.  My job is to do my work humbly thankful for what I have and focussing on the good I can do.  I must celebrate the good and avoid the piles of shit in the road.  I need to sing praises and celebrate the journey.  It's been glorious at times.  I love my little dog though his blindness in one eye has been so demoralizing.  I am upset with the forced move and the failure of administration.  I am utterly tired of the constant demands and no resources.  I am thankful for what we are doing. I must pray more for my friends with cancer and my friends who are older and feeling as afraid as I am about the destruction of the health care system, the lack of pain management and the abuse of pain medication. But my job isn't in politics.  I have to focus on healing.  Healing at the microcosm level.  I must heal myself. Recovery and my relationship with God and learning to be more humble.  It's all going to be okay. This too shall pass. Just keep cleaning up the wreckage of your past.  Thank god you quit drinking wine and smoking dope and smoking tobacco as soon as you did and that you didn't continue along that dead end.  Take the right way around the shit in the road. See the clear open high way.
Love God and Love your neighbour as your self. Your problem is that you haven’t loved God enough. You haven’t meditated enough, prayed enough, read uplifting literature enough, laughed enough, exercised enough, walked the dog enough.  That’s where you need to focus. That’s humility. You’re a student of life. Focus on the clear path. Pay attention to the Way.
Humility is a spiritual law. If you want to feel good look to what you yourself are doing or not doing that is making you feel bad.  And if you are doing something that is off then make sure there’s more balance. Remember Gandhi and Martin Luther King both made essentially the same statement, “It’s a tough day, so I must spend more time on my knees”.

World Politics, Facebook and Media

I am hooked on politics these days. It's an addiction that I hadn't really noted until I realized it was the Grey Cup and I'd missed it. I haven't watched a single football game since the Trump Hillary sports extravaganza began.  I didn't miss hockey. As a Canadian, missing hockey would be seriously uncultured.

I sometimes think that the ancient Greeks and Italians nvented their Gods to comment on politics.  For most of the history of humans, Politicians have arranged for anyone who criticizes them to be killed or locked up.  It's only in Democratic Countries which have 'free speech' and 'liberty' that the State doesn't control the media.  In most countries of the United Nations  'journalism' is 'propaganda' like we have seen in the CBC.

Canadians call the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation News , the  Communist Broadcasting Corporation just like Americans and even the BBC call  CNN, the 'Clinton Network News'.  The Winnipeg Free Press, once a non partisan source of facts and news is long dead. In it's place the journalists of the world have opted for Pravda.

The fact is,all of this is way above my pay scale.

 Justin Trudeau is a millionaire.  Hillary Clinton is a multi millionaire. Donald Trump is a billionaire.

The very thought that any one of these actually caring for me personally is grandiose.  They are politicking about what's best for themselves and their friends but trying to convince everyone they care for the little guy.

The oldest law of the world is the Chinese Law of the Fish. There are Big Fish and There are Little Fish. Little Fish must be fast and numerous.
'
I'm slowing down. I'm getting older. I'm not numerous. I'm just a fairly anxious little Canadian watching the government tax my income year after year until with all my best work years gone,  I'm wondering now about the security of old age realizing that all the promises about working hard and being taken care of in old age are probably no more likely to come true than all the other promises of politicians.  There is however horrendous government waste and mismanagement.

But the government employed love their high incomes, low work load and great benefit packages.  I don't blame them. But they don't realize that without Don Quioxtes like me and the Deplorables, they couldn't exist in their smug arrogance and luxury life styles.  Oh to be a fatuous fat cat yuppie again!

The Serenity Prayer goes - God Grant Me the Serenity to ACCEPT  the Things I CANNOT Change, the COURAGE to CHANGE the Things I CAN and the WISDOM to know the difference.

There is determinism or fate and there is free will. I don't really feel powerful like the Activists and Television Personalities.   I don't even know if these new Gods and Goddesses of Celluloid are real.  We 'assume' so much reality.

Each day I awake and truly have this 24 hours of likelihood.

What I 'cannot change' seems more considerable.  I have hope and plans and goals and it all seems to go slowly forward most days, maybe 'slouching towards Bethlehem' or 40 days in the Desert or 2 steps forward and one step back.   To paraphrase  St. Paul it's mostly,  'what I don't want I do and what I do want I don't do' .

It really is quite possible that EVERYTHING is beyond my capacity to CHANGE it.  Free will may well be an illusion. This THING may be a COMIC STRIP.

Listening to Justin Trudeau I feel like I am in a nightmare of karmic proportions. I'm old enough to remember his father.  I'm  watching him mouth his father's mistakes. I'm seeing myself when I was naive and young thinking Pierre,  with his red carnation as 'hip, slick, and cool'.  I was so 'smart' back then and actually thought everyone over 30 was likely an idiot.

I fear  My punishment  is to see Pierre's son doing the same communist totalitarian wasteful spending and swaggering that so offended my parents. Now I'm older I'm seeing the son do the same shit. What's changed is my perception.  I'm being 'tortured' seeing the errors of my past.  I'm having to confront the folly and arrogance of my youth.  Everything that Pierre Trudeau introduced to Canada seems obscene to me today.  And here I am old watching his son in this Twilight Zone/Black MIRROR fixed loop nightmare.  I don't seem to have any control of it.

Meanwhile the Trump and Hillary fight it out like the Greek and Roman Gods of yesteryear.   I see Trump triumph and feel after a year of the Political Verbal GAME there will finally be PEACE in the VALLEY no it's not over till January when Trump will be inaugurated. It's overtime.  And the show gets crazier by the moment.

But all I have to change is MY PERCEPTION. It's clearly not  a TRAGEDY. IT's a COMEDY. At Least a TRAGI COMEDY.  Trudeau is a joke. The HILLARY OBAMA SIT COM is coupled with the Trump Family Show.

I can't change it. It doesn't really affect me today anyway.  I could be hit by a bus tomorrow before the next episode..

Facebook is propaganda.  Zuckerberg has admitted he's skewed the reporting left.  All the mainstream mead 'cheated' with Hillary. People who are losers 'cheat'.  These are losers, but who cares, its just ENTERTAINMENT and distraction.  It's Carne and Magic and Politics.  It's money and power.

Donald Trump is President Elect.  Trudeau is Prime Minister. Neither of them is here in the Downtown Eastside Vancouver where I'm seeing patients.  None of them are here helping me convince my patients  to stop leaving this present reality for unreality.   Every patient I see has missed a  possible death of heroin.

I don't blame my patients their wanting to escape this reality.  Any escape from TV /Facebook/Media Reality may well be worth it.  I expect that Media is the cause of much of the rise in drug addiction in the world. That and the Climate Change fear mongerers.  Everyone is pushing fear and fear's consumer antidotes.

World Politics is a new form of Sports. It's just another media event.  Climate Change is just the weather girl on steroids shouting for attention.   The corrupt  UN wants more money for their segment of the NEWS.Merkel wants money. Trudeau wants money for his jet setting life style.  It's all taxation, high costs, graft and promises.  But it's not real.

Real is what I think it is.  Real is my feet and hands. Real is this day.   Real is my family and freinds. Real is this computer and my dog at my feet.  Real is the  really good soup I had today at the Heatley.

I will say the Serenity Prayer and hope to have the wisdom to focus on what I can change. I am the VOICE OVER on this COMIC STRIP.  

I can change the VOICE OVER.  I believe that the WORLD IS UNFOLDING AS IT SHOULD.  I believe in a loving God who wants the best for me.

Everything else is way above my pay grade.

God is real and God is love. Thank you Jesus!                                                                                      

Saturday Morning Journalling in Vancouver

I didn’t wake until nearly 9 am.  Normally I’m up at 7 so that’s really called sleeping in.  Laura was already up.  She had taken my fur alarm clock for a walk and were just returning wet from the rainy outdoors while I was going into the apartment bathroom.
“He peed and pooped and then wanted to come right back home. It was pouring and I tried to cover him with my umbrella. He dragged me on the leash back here.” she said.
Gilbert is a comfort dog.  When I’m hunting with Gilbert he prefers the truck to the ATV.  He’s keen to romp in the woods but loves returning to the warmth and comfort of the truck.  Smart dog.
Gilbert has been sleeping on the bed little feet twitching as he runs in the warmth of his dreams.
I’ve been sitting up on the bed Laura made while I was in the washroom.
She’s made me several coffees, brought eggs and toast with marmalade and generally spoiled me.
Meanwhile I’ve been caught up in Facebook.
Fidel Castro died on Black Friday, ironically the most capitalistic day of the year.  He was 90. Only the good die young.  A deeply evil man he killed thousands with firing squads and ran a one man police state.  He was one of the great killers and dictators of the 20th century the century ever to be remembered by failed communist countries killing hundreds of millions and jailing more, over and over again.  Stalin at very least saved his country from invasion by his former Socialist friend Adolf Hitler. But his reign of terror was like Castros’.  Meanwhile Castro was a friend of Pierre Trudau, the worst prime minister Canada has known from his invoking the war measures act to his national energy bill to his economic debacle that impoverished the country for decades.  Amazing what a red carnation symbol can do.  Cigar smoking Castro was celebrated for his health care and education system by his leftist cronies who failed to mention his jails and firing squads and theft of all the wealth of the  working man.
I saw the refugees who had escaped from Cuba having seen their families killed. I’ve talked to Cubans and am not surprised that there was dancing in the streets of Florida where the most Cubans live, thousands ,tens of thousands dancing and singing when they learned that Castro was dead.  Trudeau naturally didn’t comment on this.  And everyone in Cuba but the police live in fear.   Cubans  might well have been singing “Ding Dong the Witch is dead” because everyone knew of his killing and his despotism, except Justin Trudeau who skipped history to snowboard with his trust fund economic account.
There is always ‘romance’ with the rebel. The women can’t explain their sexual attraction to the ‘bad boys’.  It’s like good men who fall for the classic honey pot of the hookers.  Lust and death go hand in hand.
Cuba is freed from Castro though his family in classic despotism reign.  Were Hitler to have won and lived no doubt we’d have seen his children taking power.  Stalin’s wife killed herself, his daughter escape to the US, begging the Capitalist Pigs asylum from her brutal father.
Justin Trudeau loved his daddy’s killer buddy.  One an effete communist intellecual, the other a murderous communist despot.  Little Trudeau just flew to Cuba to see his communist second family.  He’s already visited the Chinese despot.  George Sorros the Nazi turned Communist , always capitalist billionaire has Justin in his pocket.  The Multi Millionaire Canadian Communist Strong started the UN IPCC so Canadians must suffer under a snow boarder drama teachers ignorance of science and demonization of carbon the foundation of humanity, and CO2 the life blood of plants.  As Trudeau skipped history and science classes Canadians are just stuck with his daily drama, all that he knows.  Selfie’s clicking and another shirtless Trudeau sexting.
It’s all hypocrisy.
I read through my Face Book feeds and having listened to CBC news and am appalled that my taxes outrageous and exorbitant beyond belief worse than even full fledged communist countries go to such deceit and propaganda.
I can’t shake the feeling I’m in a pre WW3 time with my leadership backing HItler and Stalin and Mussolini.  Merkel’s platitudes are dying in reality and Europe is turning against the ideological platitudes of the day.  France remains under martial law because of Muslim jihadists and refugee sexual violence.  All these intellectuals who smoke pot and do drugs and come up with ways for everyone to live to suit their fantasies are caught in the dying light of their once bright ideas. .
I did read a marvellous Psychology Today article on Misandry, the hatred of men, and a sub text on Feminism as Misandry.  Feminist Trudeau says men should be as self loathing as him and I can’t help but remember that his mother was a notorious drug addict and sex addict.  Now she’s cleaned up her history by claiming the generic term of ‘mentally ill’.  But what was the chicken and what was the egg. The fact remains she was a drug addict long before anyone realized how crazy drugs could make a person.  Now every drug addict is called Bipolar.
Meanwhile Laura has shown me the picture of her relative’s cat who likes to go hunting with him.He lives in Northern BC, a rural person.
Trump is picking his cabinet. So far all his choices have been incredible. I was really impressed with him when he picked Pence as his VP.  I vowed to buy Laura an Ivanka dress, not just because we like her designs but because there was a call to boycott her work because her father Donald Trump had won the election. How petty and offensive the Left is with their riots and destruction of property still going on in Canada and the States.  Nothing is more ludicrous  than leftist thugs. carrying Gandhi and Martin Luther books while they break into Electronic stores to steal plasma tvs claiming it’s a ‘demonstration’.  This is the fundamental problem of phenotype and genotype or rhetoric and logic.
Yesterday after work Laura and I did take advantage of the Black Friday sales.  Ivanka dresses are sold at Nordstroms and the Bay. Laura found one she loved in crushed velvet on black friday sale for $79 dollars. At Moores I got two sport jackets for the price of one. I now have three lines of clothing based on my expanding girth.  I have made an early resolution to exercise more, eat less,  my body unlikely to last till the Official New Year’s Resolution time.
After shopping we stopped for coffee downtown enjoying people watching. Laura had a hot chocolate. The streets were lit up for Christmas.  We caught the first packed show of Arrival at Scotia Theatre. Great “Timely” sci fi.  We both loved it.  After we walked Robson Street and had Sushi at Robson and Thurlow, Sushi Yan. We’d both not been there for years but it was still as good as ever.  Quite a treat for us because we don’t eat out often especially in winter because restaurants aren’t dog friendly.
Gilbert was back home hanging out with George his cat buddy. Laura sees them playing ball together and lying together when she comes in and surprises them. When we’re around George acts all diffident though occasionally plays his game of blocking Gilbert getting to the food dish or sitting in front to his ball. When I go to see what’s happening George acts perfectly innocent.
I’m still struggling with my brother’s death. It’s like my life has been on hold and now it’s starting up again.  Laura is reading a New York Guide Book. I’ve been enjoying the University New York Historical Society series on audio driving too and from work. I’m reading Edward Rutherford’s New York and was amused at the synchronicity when a patient told me this week he was reading the same and we were actually at the same place in the book and like a couple watching soap operas got chatting about the fictional characters and  factual events. “You have to read Sarum. Rutherford is one of my all time favourite authors. I am loving New York but I really think Sarum is still his best.”
I’m loving New York and finding Rutherford to write like a modern day Michener. I’ve read all of Michener and loved them all so now I’ll probably start reading all of Rutherford.  So many of my patients have been to or lived in New York and it’s been fascinating to hear how the city affected their narratives.
I am looking forward to visitting AA Central Office and Stepping Stones in New York..  There’s Trinity and St. Patricks and the New Year’s ball. I’ve got tickets on line to the Salome Opera, Philharmonic,  CATS and Carole King and Presence with Kate Blanchete.  I so enjoyed the art galleries in St. Petersburg and it was in New York more than 40 years ago I loved touring the Whitby and MET falling in love with Marc Chagall whose work I first saw there.  My second wife and I saw Lauren Bacall and Jeremy Irons on the Broadway stage one of those unforgettable life moments and performances. I love live theatre and live performances.  I loved especially  going with my first wife to the theatre in London. We sat in the cheapest seats  but got to see Noel Coward plays, and Alec Guiness and Maggie Smith on stage.
This week I had a true blessing, a gift of a Caroline Scagel print of Gilbert in a side car motorcycle in one of her whimsical  Marc Chagall like Canadian settings. The painting is on silk and I just love this print. Caroline Scagel’s gallery is called Toller Studios on Maine Island.
Asking my brother what he wanted to do and hearing that all he really wanted was more time with his amazing and loving family, my sister in law and nephews, I thought of my own ‘bucket list’ and New York came to mind. It was tempting to go to Mexico or Hawaii again for the warm.  But   I went to Turkey ‘off season’ a couple of years ago and don’t regret it one bit though it was rainy and cold with snow in Cappadocia.  The History and Art and Mosques and Capadocia country side with fairy chimneys and underground churches remains so unforgettably moving to me. This is not to say the most beautiful beaches in the world on the Mariana Islands could ever lose their appeal to a Canadian who has known real winter.  Return as a tourist to Saipan is certainly on my bucket list.
I was really glad to hear my Democratic Congressman friend was re elected. When there are people as loving as caring as he is I am glad people can still vote for the man even if I don’t respect the leader.   I was a Liberal for 20 years and am just really sorry that the party remained a Quebec party claiming national concerns.  That’s not to say I don’t have my Liberal friends and despite thinking they have superego lacunae in this one regard admire them in all other aspects.
Laura’s never been to New York so it’s a real thrill for her.  I took my timid second wife there, my first wife being by contrast a real adventurer and we bicycled across Europe together.  My second wife loved cities though and was a great companion visitting art galleries.
I really have been blessed in life though have known great challenges, trials, tribulations and sorrow. So much work. I’m tired now I’m older and if anything the forces of evil , the atheists and the corrupt wasters seem more prevalent.
I felt safe when Harper and Martin and Chretien and Mulroney were prime ministers. I don’t feel safe today. I wonder if my own personal aging isn’t something I’m projecting onto government as the scientifically ignorant  baby boomer leftist  elite have projected their imminent demise  grandiosely onto the planet with their silly theiving climate change cults and pre dementia return to pot smoking and hippy platitudes.
I hope my anxiety is just truly a measure of my distance from God.  I feel I pray and meditate too little. I ‘m always so busy.  I exercise too little. I indulge myself in food and entertainment and long for an advanced sex robot like a Cherry 2000 though really Laura is a great companion. Frankly  I’ve had the sexiest women in the world as wives and lovers. But Cherry 2000 could be programmed to clean the house, feed her man grapes and provide daily desires at verbal command.   When I’m in my intellectual mode I think of the laziest ways of sexual gratification because frankly as an intellectual I am forever angry at my mother for cutting the umbilical cord.  That’s why Leftist intellectuals want to be on the State Tit.
I guess this is what Trudeau  hopes from Muslim women.  When he gets Sharia law legalized and beating women, the Muslim way,  legislated in  Canada we can imagine  Sophie will stop exposing so much skin to the camera.  One of the main reasons for the Niqab and Burka is for wives to conceal their bruises.
 I know a lot of men who thought their Asia wives would work out for them this way. However there does seem to be a female genetic trait of individuality and reason which I have unfortunately admired.  I do love freedom and I have loved that women have loved me freely.   But then I’m an idealist and for a lot of men and women even marriage  is just ‘institutionalized prostitution’ . Feminists see it as lust between adults whereas traditionally marital love was so akin to Agape that Pope Paul John wrote a bulletin describing it as sacrament.  In the Bible the Song of Songs is the great book of erotic love.
I love the acceptance of my bible believing friends who trust authority as God’s and that there is a plan that will unfold and that we are saved. I am troubled though that most of Jesus’s disciples were martyred.  And I really don’t like pain and am at core a coward despite the many occasions I’ve stood up, making myself a target and suffered for fighting the lonely fights for underdogs and the abused.  On dozens of occasions I’ve risked my life to save the lives of others. I’ve faced gangs to stop women being raped fighting to pull girls from attackers and taking serious hits in the process.  I argue strongly that if you haven’t any ‘scars’ you’re not going to heaven. If you have scars on only one side of your body you’ve only been at the sidelines.I’ve got scars everywhere because I waded into the middle.  And now I look back and wonder why I did that.  Older I’m trying to avoid the world.
I love my east indian friend who described picking up a baseball bat to fight off the bullies trying to hurt his wife and children.
Now the enemy just ‘takes my precious time’.  Everyone in Canada is facing some time of beurocratic interference.  When you count  the number of regulations and realize how everything is taxed, see how many police, jails, and asylums, social “homes" we have and how many people are poor and struggling financially you really can appreciate how Castro taking over his country introduced his police state and demonic economic polices that destroyed the productive.  But being communist it’s always somebody else’s fault.  The left ‘blame game’.  Canada is now so far left of centre as to tip over any day now.  It’s that unbalanced.
I’m a failure to myself but wonder about my high standards. I still loved Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest and admire the greatest humans like the mariner explorer, Shakleton.
In my personal life I’ve been blessed to have amazing mentors from Dr. Carl Ridd at University of Winnipeg, Dr. Allan Ronald,  Dr. Arnold Naimark, Dr. Bill Bebchuck, Dr. Nady el Guebaly, Dr. Bernie, Dr. Hank , Dr. Williei, Dr. Phillip Ney, Dr. Dick, Dr. Art  and Dr. Tom and James Houston.  I read the biography of Colonel Hatfield our incredible Canadian Astronaut who not only went to space but manned the Space Station and sang David Bowies Colonel Tom from outer space.  The men I’ve known have been of this ilk, So far beyond me in their personal lives and achievements but so kind as to share and help a fellow human. I’ve been truly blessed.  I’ve known as many angels in my life like Cheryl,  Carole,  Bobby and closer to home, Maria Gomorri, Dr. Barb, Rev. Clark, Andria, but it’s the men I’ve tried to emulate. As my father taught me hunting, bicycling and shaving and my brother taught me motorcycles and canoeing so I’ve followed in the footsteps of these leaders of men and been truly impressed by their genius and big hearts. I’ve been blessed to know so many greater in my work and recreation.  I’m so utterly thankful for all my education and a life of learning.
I told a friend that I truly loved the painting but the frame was sordid and that saddened me.  These days I’m asking what stops me from being the best person I can be.  There seems less and less time to be the best person I can be and I’ve really been trying to do this in a variety of ways all my life.  I ‘m certainly skilled and I certainly have had a lot of awards and recognition.  I’ve even had a bit of infamy which I don’t like but realize was what others have experienced who stood up. Being different gets a chicken with a black feather savaged by the other stupid chickens.  Stupid people frighten me and there are a lot more stupid people than smart people. Worse the stupidest are made  to think they are smart by the wiles of the smart who award and give the stupid badges.  There’s nothing more dangerous than a stupid person in uniform.
I may be a stupid person.  I’m always self questioning and self doubting. Even when I was going through medical school I was questioning my decision. I left university in undergrad because I thought that the administration was a propaganda organ yet I came back and went on to teach knowing that this was partly true but so what.  I’ve learned to be less uncompromising and less judgemental.  Aging is a real time of mellowing. I realize I was really stupid when I was younger but I sure had a lot more energy.
Now I’m quite satisfied but accept that life is suffering unto death and anxiety is a measure of my distance from God. I am ever crying out for God and leading my life in as Godly a way as I can but I’m soiled with life and age and pretty beaten down by the game. I really felt the Glass Bead Game by Herman Hesse captured this aspect of truth just like Walden Pond confronts our consumer society.  I enjoyed hearing Zero Sum Game in the movie Arrival.
I’ve given all to the company store and now sucked dry  I also have to accept that nothing is good enough for the State or the State Committees because they are insatiably addicted to power but equally suffer extreme inferiority complex which cause them to avoid personal accountability. Thats a weakness ethically in the corporate model, a modern medieval reinvention of the Lords and Ladies. I am waiting to be cast off knowing the callousness of institutions and institutionalized men and women.  The Committee .  It’s like Kafka’s Castle.  But on a good day I hope to live as my father and mother lived long enough to enjoy retirement. But Trudeau has broken all his promises and the State promise of the reward of retirement is apparently no different than what the State has done for all too many of the Vets. Obama is even now demanding claw back from Vets after they served claiming he overpaid them.  Hillary in Watergate destroyed the pensions of the med west farmers and workers without any thought but for her Chelsea who not surprisingly married a banker..
The closed ballot and the true election process was a cornerstone of liberty but today no one cares for freedom. it’s all about consumerism.
I like to consume too.  I’ve experienced extreme poverty and sickness and prefer moderate well being.  What I really must work more at is avoiding ‘comparing my insides with others outsides’. As Milton always said, “When I look in a mirror I realize the problem is me and I’m looking at it.”  There is a farcical nature to Canadian politics right now so if only I could elevate my perspective I could be belly laughing all day at the foolishness of it all.  That might get me locked up but it sure beats despair.  And as the great pro life champion Dr. Ney would say, the world is full of bitter old people.  Being positive in negative times is really rather original and creative.
Here I am today able to sit at this Apple laptop computer journalling, a day off from a hectic week, well fed , warm and with my dog and beautiful friend.
The world is unfolding as it is.  Today is a blessing. Tomorrow is not yet here. I even have more adventure to consider today.  Thank you God for all your blessings. Thank you for my family , friends, my work and all those I can help and serve. Help me in my work. Help me to be a better doctor. Help me to grow old more gracefully. Help me to take more care of my own health and better care for this body I have let grow fat and lazy.  Help me to be a better master to my dog and a better friend.  Thank you for rest as well as work. Guide me in the troubles that come with working with the most insane, and most addicted and the stigma of a doctor among society’s  Lepers. Help me to help those marginalized by society. Help me to be wiser, more loving and more discerning.
Thank you  esus for this day and all the wonders of God’s creation.


 

Political Absurdity and Hotel Canada

Just turned on the CBC radio for 1 minute, and heard "Harper is the blame for that!" Didn't bother listening further but hit the Sirius Radio button that gave me praise music.  Justin Trudeau has been prime minister for almost a year now and they continue to 'blame' the past and deny their own accountability like a truant 13 yo child,
The liberals have all but dismantled Canada, shipping billions of dollars offshore, denying our energy industry access to ports, after 50 billion dollars transfer payments per year to Quebec, not requiring Quebec to support the rest of Canada but rather transferring all new contracts to Quebec and letting the rest of Canada suffer.  Justin Trudeau has mostly flitted about the world at taxpayer expense playing Jetsetter Playboy with his dufus wife and her 2 nannies  and taking his in laws along. He's allowed countless terrorists to be brought into the country by not vetting migrants but fast tracking the Syrian Sunni muslems who have already been shown in Europe to be infiltrated by warriors. All accross Canada Muslem Imans are involved in hate speech and Danish muslem migrants are marching in the streets saying kill Danes.  Meanwhile white men and especially pro Israeli jews are being targetted by the politically correct liberal totalitarian regime presently 'fixing' the voter registry to remove 'representative government' in Canada.
Climate change is a political lie without scientific basis and Trudeau, scientifically illiterate as he is, has created a ministry of Climate Change and Environment. This is akin to a ministry of "Leeching and Medicine."  It's as bizarre and unconscionable as the Gotthard Base Tunnel celebration that had former East German communist Merkel watching a neo pagan satanic rite with the celebration of the "horned man'.
Right now Justin Trudeau, has had his bro event with Obama and the Mexican leaders and removed visas for Mexicans despite the cartel criminality and the criminal migration which caused the need for Visas in the first place. Justin Trudeau is in a hug fest with the Communist Chinese leader just like his Mao and Castro loving father Pierre. The attraction of communism is it's totalitarianism, what Lenin called 'dictatorship of the proletariat'.  
There doesn't appear to be any any benefits for Canadians except for the signing of the trade agreements which Mr. Harper indeed created, for instance the Ukraine Canada.
Countless billions of dollars were promised for infrastructure spending , the so called 'modest deficit' but this money has gone offshore and been used as payback for Liberal cronyism.  The country is indebted, just like it was by Pierre Trudeau for generations to come, the young paying and their children paying for the Trudeau accounting scandal.  Make the grand children pay!!!  School debts rise, no one but the rich and elite can afford housing and there is general unrest which is concealed by the propaganda media which refuses to report anything but 'pro Trudeau' 'fashion' adverts.
In the US Hillary has been caught breaking the law and letting her emails go unsecured and thereby causing death and destruction to US offshore interests. She apparently is as sexy as her husband Bill but her preference is the Saudi Hunan whose 'beard' husband sent pictures of his penis around Washington.  As a friend said, the Game of Thrones is tame compared to the Clinton dynasty.  Bernie dropped out of the race and Trump remains republican.  Behind the scene billionaires puppeteers are pulling the strings and UN military vehicles are being sighted all over the mid west. The Mid west is where New York Hillary Clinton destroyed the mostly rural incomes of the predominantly Republican citizenry in the classic "White Water Scandal " which was thought to be the 'flagship' for the Fanny May and Goldman Sack destruction of the world economy for profit.
Only Iceland jailed it's bankers. Wall Street continued and trembles because Trump has threatened to 'audit the IRA".  Too many bodies and bribes of all the elite are buried so there is 'satire' constantly in an attempt of undermine the 'populist choice'.  The movie 13 hours, showing the State Department Clinton abandonment of the American ambassador in Libya with the hienous 'Benghazi' scandal has just come out.
Black Lives Matter has held up the Toronto Pride parade and with social terrorism 'extorted' the Pride committee to attack the Police which is what Beyonce has been demanding anyway.
The lies about the shooting of blacks by police are so extraordinary that Goebbels is definitely writing the script.  Orlando , Islamic terrorists stage another massacre and Obama appears to cry crocadile tears though when a black criminal is killed attempting to kill a cop the White House mourns as if Lincoln were shot.  Meanwhile more cops are killed by the Black Lives Matter supporters and the new black panther supporters.
French authorities say France is on the verge of civil war as migrants rape children and the police don't respond. The hundreds of women raped and sexually assaulted in Cologne Germany are told to stop being racist by criticizing Islamic men who call western women whores.  The Rotherham child sexual exploitation scandal saw 1200 children raped and sexually assault by gangs of Islamic men and the police and authorities covered it up.
The Left has lost all moral relevance as their ideology is simply described as dictatorship of the Sharia Communism.
The new Phillipine leader is killing the Islamic pirates who were beheading Canadians while Justin Trudeau took selfies of himself after screaming in the once hallowed Canadian parliament "Get the fuck out of my way!"
Pot is yet to be legalized in Canada but pot dispensaries are everywhere.  Further supervised opiate injections sites are spreading across Canada as fast.
Canada is the new money laundering location for the world with every suspicious character buying million dollar plus properties in Canada and leaving them vacant.
Taxes are rising exponentially.  The air we breathe is being taxed with the new Carbon Tax that claims carbon dioxide , what we exhale needs taxing. Soon their will be a meter on the urinals and toilets to assess individual tax potential while Hydro meters blame Canadians for the humungous corrupt energy rips offs by the Ontario liberal leaders.
Canada's dollar is 75 cents on the American.  Canadians lost a quarter of the savings this year and no one gets it. Their pension plans are being taken by the Liberals and those who are the working middle class will be pushing Safeway carts and Superstore carts left for them by the better housed migrants and drug addicts.  Veterans have no say in Canada today.  Pensioners are told they can have marijuana or physician assisted suicide.

It doesn't look good.
But that' the irony and humor of the theatre d'absurd.

Justin Trudeau and Canada are the biggest joke.  The emperor has no clothes but the corrupt media, especially CBC, communist broadcasting corporation, continues to spin the lies.

Welcome to Hotel Canada, it's a lovely place!!!!

FACE BOOK AND THE POLITICS of SPECIAL STATUS

I like the connection with friends on Facebook It’s been enjoyable to reconnect, if only in that flat unidimensional, phone call type way that is Facebook.  It’s been fun.  I love that I am in touch with my family.  My brother since has created a circular email. Opening that is now more enjoyable than Facebook.  I’m thinking of leaving Facebook.  It’s timely.  I love the humour.  It’s was my only connection with the ‘news’ and I enjoyed the ‘diversity’ of opinion till the last election. Then the sociopaths came out.  The AD HOMINEM attacks took their toll.  All the hate speech against the Prime Minister, a man I admired. Now I continue to express my loathing for the present regime.  The leader offends so much I believe in and aging I want death rather than to live in HIS CANADA.  My Canada is a place of freedom and meritocracy.  HIS Canada is ENTITLEMENT and bureaucracy and waste, partisanship, corruption and CHARM.  I have found myself in debate after debate only to be pilloried and condemn constantly by ‘name calling’ trolls.  It’s wearying after the work I do and the threats I live with.  Those who ‘fight’ my ‘opinion’  because Justin Trudeau and the Liberals say they want ‘diversity’ but the fact remains the Political Correct ‘want no opinion but their own’.  The left is totalitarian and their views are more religiously held than any others. We can’t even ‘agree to disagree’ because they demand my ‘conversion’.  I don’t agree.
Then there was the ‘lets all smoke pot’ agenda.  I mourn the countless hours of free pro bono time my health care friends and I put into arguing against the rich psychopathic ‘smoke’ Tobacco companies. Now the rich psychopathic ‘smoke’ Marijuana companies with their billions of tax free money and crime association constantly mis inform and promote their product.  I’m a prophet crying in the dessert.  The same groups said cocaine was not addictive.  So more and more on Facebook when I put forward a medical fact, share an interesting new thought in an area where I’m a specialist, addiction, I’m literally hammered with AD HOMINEM.  Nasty name calling.  I’m beginning to feel like I’m back in an abusive marriage with Facebook.  All the trauma of all the cutting remarks and put downs and attacks and viciousness that caused me to walk away seem here once again with this multiple personality disorder Facebook persona.
I love the humour. I love the puppy dogs. I love the cats. I love the inspirational messages.
But when Obama and Merkel and Justin Trudeau said bringing in hundreds of thousands of immigrants was good and safe,  I said, ‘whoa’.  Excuse me.  All my University level study of Sociology and Anthropology says that large movements of people quickly into other groups is the basis of civil war and societal destruction.  So I said, heck, what’s the rush.  And then the leaders lied.  “Islam is a religion of peace.”  That’s like saying ‘China is a country of Civil Liberties” or “Russia and US are countries of peace’.  These are bald faced lies.  The tragedy is if you tell a lie enough times people begin to believe it.  Further these same bullies and diabolical fiends began to rewrite history.  Christians were the enemy and Muslims were defensive. The stupidity of so many Canadians it appeared is that they didn’t know the history of the crusades and didn’t wish to study the history of the muslims.  So I systematically, already having a masters of divinity, already having many muslim friends and having trained with muslims and studied muslims studied their religion. I’d read the Koran already but I took the time to study really study history and the Muslim religions.  Everyday I’d listen to university audio tapes driving to and from work, learning about the teachings and the variety of disputes. I’d ask all the many muslims I knew and loved about their religion.  I’d travel to Turkey and hire a professor of religion and history spending every day walking through mosques asking questions reading at night about the ideas.  I thought as I always thought as education has taught me to think, maybe I ‘m wrong, maybe I’m missing something.
The conclusion was the Justin Trudeau and Obama are lying.  Islam is no more a religion of Peace than America as a nation of peace.  Good advertising.  Good marketing but the truth is far different.  Fundamentally Mohammed was a war lord and a killer and pedophile.  Jesus was son of God,  teacher, healer,  non violent.  The New Testament, the Gospel teaches love.  the Koran, like the Jewish Torah, is a mix of tribal history and guerrilla warfare teaching coupled with passages of peace and love.  Mohammed said war was the ‘lesser jihad’ whereas peace was the ‘greater Jihad’ of Islam.  Islam is a religion of war.  Now the greatest, and fewest of muslims, like Rumi know that all physical language refers to the spiritual paradoxically.  So the war that is central to Hindu texts is about the  war in each of us between right and wrong.  The war between Jesus and Satan is the war within each of us between right and wrong, love and fear.  I am ‘interpreting’ this but those who have a ‘mystical’ idea about any religion are the extreme minority. Even Buddhists are killing each other in a war over a temple in Thailand.
So Rumi, Buddha, Gandhi, Jesus, Martin Luther, may all ’teach’ peace but their followers and all the elites of the world who want power and have great greed and lust will and do use religion as a weapon for their own agenda, self aggrandizement.  The only relevant atheist political expression to date is Communism and it killed more people more efficiently than any religious based nations state in history.  Islam is no more a religion of peace than Judaism is a religion of peace. That doesn’t mean there are not a whole lot of peaceful Jews and Muslims.
The trouble is, Nazis were a very small minority of Germany and this minority lead Germany to war.  Napoleon did the same in France.  Justin Trudeau has only about a third of actual Canadian support but he insists on grandiosely speaking in the ROYAL WE.  WE, CANADIANS.  CANADIANS WANT.  I am constantly excluded by his words. Like all communists his language is language of exclusion.  If you don’t agree with me you are not a Canadian.
This is difficult for me because “Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.”  I’m not a high self esteem guy.  I’m at best an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.  I have courage, which means that I do the right thing despite the incredible terror I feel.  I get up go to work, eat, sleep and participate in Canada but Justin Trudeau and the Liberals say I am not a Canadian.  The message I hear from him every day is ‘if you don’t agree with me , get the fuck out’.
Now on FACEBOOK I have had to hear repeatedly:
“Get the fuck out of Canada."
“Shut the fuck up"
“You are ignorant."
“You are uneducated."
“You don’t know what you’re talking about"
“You’re wrong”.

I heard enough of this when I was married.  I remember my marriages as he said she said. We’d disagree and then the name calling would begin.  I have always been ‘defensive’.  I played defence in hockey.  I have been in a number of street fights but never hit first.  I actually avoid fights to the best of my ability because “first strike defence’ is the paranoids mantra.  And today everyone it feels “entitled” to attack because they are the victim.
I’m a white male.  White males aren’t allowed to be individually victims.
There is a flavour of the month victim board somewhere.
All my life these groups were the designated victims
1) Children  - I’ve never hit a child but I’ve been cut and bruised by rock throwing gangs of children.  I’ve been punched by children.  Teen agers up to the age of 18 , maybe 21 are considered children. The law has had a special status for children as victims.  So a gang of 18 year olds out of the blew surround and try to attack me coming home from the theatre with my wife.  As I chase these knife wielding Canadian children off I am fully aware that my police and courts that I pay half my income, and the media in Canada will condemn me if I hurt one of these little angels.  But because I put up a good resistance they flee.  My liberal wife is upset with my ‘language’.   ‘Did you not see the fucking knife!”  Yes but did you have to say you’d rip off their limbs and feed them to their mother….you frightened me. “  My wife was as silly as Margaret Trudeau who said Morocco was perfectly safe for western women when I was staying in the rooms of a western woman murdered that week and the posts in the city had countless posters of lost blond american and canadian and european girls kidnaped for the sex trade. Margaret Trudeau failed to notice or mention that the Australian Rugby team was her companions in Morocco.  The princess is always so self absorbed that she never even notices her parents or the men or servants who make her life ‘safe’.  So maybe 99% of children and teen agers are victims but maybe just maybe .001 % of children and teen agers aren’t.
2) Women - all my life women have been the victim. I was brought up in a home and Christian community where ‘chivalry’ and protection of women was central.  In the cowboy dogma of my youth a man “never hit a woman’.  I was a women’s liberationist and even a feminist. I was immersed in all the propaganda of the ‘woman as underdog’ and man as the abuser.  Then it got personal.  All men are rapists.  All men hate women.  This sloganeering just didn’t jive with me my father, my brother or my friends.  I knew individuals but then I lived in a country where the most privileged person was our QUEEN.  QUEEN ELIZABETH WAS NOT A VICTIM. QUEEN ELIZABETH was a woman.  So the delusions of the leftist feminist ideology wore thin in time.  A half dozen women physically hit me. I walked away. I had excuses for that. Women didn’t handle their drink.  Women would apologize and say they hit me because their last boyfriend hit them.  Women asked me to hit them.  Women asked me to shit one them.  I refused.  I got hit really hard trying to escape from violent women.  “You can’t leave me!” she scream. “No man has ever left me!!”  I ‘m growing deaf in the left ear. I put it down to shooting rifles but it could well be the cauliflower ear I was given by the woman bashing me as I tried to get out of the door.
“Women are never violent unless they have been attacked’ was the halcyon cry of the Canadian courts.
I’ve been attacked when I said “I’ve got to get some sleep, I work in the morning’ and the woman has been screaming for four hours and wants to keep screaming.  I’ve got up to go to a hotel to get some sleep so I don’t kill a patient in surgery in the morning and have been hit leaving the room.
I remember another woman telling me , ‘you can’t go to the hospital. you can’t leave me because you’re on call. you tell them you can’t come . if you cared for me you’d stay’.  That was the end of that relationship.
All my life men have been called the persecutors.  First chivalry then feminism then radical feminism and then the insanity of sexist women today, angry violent and lying, always claiming the victim role a bit like Israel in every interaction with the Palestinians.
And personally,  I HAVE NEVER HIT A WOMAN.  I HAVE been hit several times by women. Women have threatened my life.  Women have had their boyfriends hit me because my wives have pissed them off. I’ve fought a couple of low brows and hurt these thugs because their girl friends thought my wife was ‘disrespecting them’.   I can say I’ve not felt good punching a stupid sick brute who is only trying to please his mommy girlfriend.
I’ve never raped or sexually assaulted a woman.  But I was raped as a young man.  Sexually assaulted for sure.  I even had a woman ‘take advantage of me’ sexually when i was comatose at a party too drunk and stoned to move.  She undressed me and fondled me and climbed on top of me and was angry because I ejaculated immediately.  I didn’t feel good about that. I know I am supposed to.  She was older. I know she had sex with several other men that night so it’s probably wasn’t ‘assault’ and at best it could be said ‘she took advantage of me’ . I know if a man did that to a woman it would be rape.  Then I’ve had to live with double standards all my life. Mostly  I have been afraid to question them because when I do my freedom is threatened, violence is threatened, and I’m verbally abused to say the least.
But I’ve seen the dangers that my wives and girlfriends had had to face and the threats to them physically that they’ve known so I do appreciate their ‘vulnerability’.  When I was young I fought three guys trying to pick on a physically littler guy.  Most of the women I ‘ve known are physically littler and with rare exception most of women I’ve known have been physically incompetent to defend themselves. It’s saddened me.   I’ve only admired the few mature women I’ve known who were competent in martial arts and weapons.  I love the women I know who can take care of themselves personally.  My grandmother could take care of herself.  I liked working in the country because generally the women were so much less dependent than their city sisters.  The country women could shoot and ride horses. My ex wife, a city girl, was highly competent physically, a good shot and horsewoman, sailor and physically canny in Canada though out of Vancouver she was forever getting us in dangerous situations.  She’d piss off women native to their countries and the women would talk to the men and the men would threaten my life telling me to ‘control’ my wife.  She wasnt easy to control when she was sober let alone when she was drunk. The wives and girl friends who drank and did drugs weren't very lady like, not that I 'verbally' was a gentleman.   What canadian woman is controllable either.  So I’d get pushed around. I remember three guys pushing me about after my drunken wife had hit one of their wives.  Women do that sort of thing but you aren't supposed to talk about it.  Domestic violence studies show that 50% or more of the violence is female generated but that's not what the politics and courts say.  SPECIAL VICTIM STATUS. One female judge in Canada found 350 plus cases consecutively against the man.
Still,  maybe 99% of women are victims ,but maybe just maybe .000001% aren’t always and ever victims.  Just maybe.
A(n RCMP just knocked on the door. Gilbert had a marvellous time barking and defending the home. I had to throw on pants and go out side.  A woman had been sexually assaulted walking alone in the woods at night.  They were going door to door showing us pictures of this scruffy guy.  The chivalry part of me came on board. I have seen the damage first hand of sexual assault specially from the pedophiles and hate that the girls of Cologne and Rothingham are being raped and silenced.  It’s so sad.  I just don’t know.  I look at the picture.  I look at the young cop. )
I don’t want to be around children and I don’t feel safe around women though. I don’t know.  I was falsely accused by a crack cocaine addicted ex prostitute of sexually harassing her.  All she said was lies.  She was trying to extort $5000 told me she’d ‘accuse me of sexual assault if I didn’t give her $5000”.  I’d caught her stealing.  I wanted her to leave.  The lawyer who cost me $10,000 told me ‘this happens all the time, we always recommend men pay”.  I talked to dozens of men in business and learned that everyone of them had been ‘shook’ down at some point. They all laughed at me because ‘the going price is ‘$2000”.  “When ever we fire women they do this.”  “It’s happened a dozen times in our firm”.  A million dollars in time and energy,  thousands of dollars later, I was exonerated but she got the money in the end because the bureaucracy all on salary all committed to the ‘innocence of all women’ and ‘all men are rapists’ and ‘solidarity with women’ simply could not accept that one man might be innocent.
“Women never lie about sex, “ said the College of Physican Assistant Registrar, a female physician.
The Vancouver police said, “when we sent an officer to get the stuff she’d stolen, she said "of course she'd taken it and no she wasn't giving it back and further t4hat our officer had sexually harassed her. We’re sorry we’ve closed the file. “ Cowards.  Or smart.  I've been involved in a half dozen or more false sexual assault cases, and mostly it's been women who have stopped the lying psychopaths.  In one case though it was the police coroner who was at the site of the crime and diagnosed the woman had faked her wounds. She admitted to me she'd lied about being raped over and over again for money ,for revenge. "It was easy."

Still maybe 99% of women are victims but maybe .00000000001% aren’t.  My mother was a saint like Mary so it’s always hard for a man especially one who is divorced and knows he failed his marriages to think it's not his own inherent failure as a human. ‘  The judge said ‘you should give her everything. You can’t expect 50%.  You didn’t care for her enough.  A man shouldn’t expect anything after a divorce.”
That song, “Id rather be a hammer than a nail’ rings in my ears at times like that.
And the Christian white male in me says, “you’re a sinner.’  And Noblesse oblige.  And ‘I tried. I did my best’.  “Your best isn’t good enough’.  ‘I never meant for her to cry’.  “It doesn’t matter what you wanted. She’s crying.  You’re responsible for women crying.’  “it’s all your fault’.  I’d been brought up that way.  So I blamed myself. I curled up in a fetal position and waited till the kicking stopped.
I was poor.
I was homeless.
I was without food.
I was hungry.
I couldn’t work.
I accepted church charity.
I was on disability.
I was in jail.
I was in the psychiatric asylum.
But never was I told it wasn’t my fault. Always I was blamed.  Always people were angry with me and always there was punishment with a smile.  If ever I said to my mother or to any one, “she….’ I was told to shut up or was hit.’  If ever as a child, and I remember 6 years old, said ‘But he did….” i was told and hit and said’ It doesn’t matter what he or she did, you had no right to ‘react’.  You’re a man.
So when the female teacher stripped me in class in kindergarten and caned me naked , she was the victim. When the principals caned me I was the evil one.  When my mother or father hit me they said, “You make us hit you. If we don’t hit you the teachers or police will hit you harder and they may hit us so we’re doing this for your own good.”   And when I ran away as a teen ager my parents were told that they didn’t hit me enough and that they should lock me up like a dog. I heard the police chief telling my dad that and saw how sad my gentle father was to be told he had to hit and imprison his son.  The teacher had knocked me out with a wooden hammer thrown at my head and I’d had an egg the size of a golf ball in my forehead. My crime was I didn't stop what I was doing quick enough and he was making an 'example' of me. When my parents objected they were told that the teachers all agreed that ‘Billy Hay wasn’t beaten enough’ and that ‘his parents should beat him more’.  I lived in terror that year and didn’t so much want to run away from my home, where I knew my parents loved me, but from Canada.  I wanted to go to California but changed my mind. It was winter and I didn’t want to upset my mom and dad.  So I came home but my parents had contacted the police and they came in and talked to my dad.  I’d only been gone a few hours but it was winter in Canada and the adults knew a 16 or 17 year old kid might die alone in winter.  They cared in their own way.
But maybe only women are victims.  Maybe only feminist women are real victims.  Anally raped I wasn’t really raped because I wasn’t vaginally raped.  I never could be a victim with a woman. They had that all sewed up.   it was their “SPECIAL STATUS” and men weren’t going hone into their FRANCHISE or move in on their BRAND.
Still, maybe 99% of women are victims but what if maybe .00000000000001% aren’t.  That thought is still going to be the death of me.   I’ve already gone through so much ‘sensitivity training’. The doctors and men in general are forever getting told we're not good enough and that we're neanderthals and that we have to change.   It just hasn’t taken. I don't want to live anywhere where there are women and children.  I understand those adults only and especially those elder adults only living places because the old men just aren't safe today.   Like the Climate Change pseudoscientist position that ‘the consensus of scientists agree with the UN so this topic is closed and no one can question it or we’ll send them to jail’.  Huh?!
I’m just too radical.  “You are either with us or agin us” I”ve been told over and over again. “All or nothing’.  No maybe. No middle of the road.  All or nothing. YES or NO?
Lie, you idiot. Fuddle Duck,  say Fuddle Duck, my Liberal friends say. Lying always works for the left.  I just don't do it.  It's a character flaw.  I am truth teller.  I'm working on discernment. I'm trying desperately to avoid people and places where lying is the fashion.

3) Quebec - all my life Quebec has been the VICTIM.  Quebec and the French  ngrates have been telling me about their mistreatment since Waterloo and the Plains of Abraham.  All my life as an Western English Canadian I’ve been told that the French have “SPECIAL STATUS” and that I am am their victimizer.  Even after they got countless billions of dollars from Western English Canadians they bite the hand that feeds, threaten to leave and call us all stupid shits.  Fuck you English.
I have been required to learn French. I’ve paid for everything French and then one day in Montreal the French took down all the English signs.  There was no social justice in Quebec.  There was no level playing field.  Further as a Canadian I learned that I couldn’t get work in Quebec because my 12 years of high school French didn’t make my ‘language’ strong enough.  Further I was disenfranchised as a Western Canadian because I could never speak both languages well enough for the French ‘language police’.  Indeed I was never welcomed in any of the Federal government positions because I was ‘linguistically disabled’.  But this ‘disability’ was considered ‘offensive’ and ‘punishable’ and I suffered a great deal by being told I’d never be able to lead in Canada because my English accent ‘offended the ears of the Quebec’.  My St Boniface room mate was humiliated in Quebec by their ridiculing him for his St. Boniface accent.  If he, a fully bilingual person was to be inadequate there was little hope for me.
So maybe 99% of Quebec are victims, what about the .0001%?
3) Jews - Jews have always been victims as long as I’ve been on the planet.  AUSCHWITZ gave them pride of place.  And really I supported them and supporting my Jewish friends my life and my families life was threatened.  There is antisemeticsm.  But when a group of Jews were caught for theft and claimed that they were ‘victims of antisemiticism’  it seemed a bit far fetched.  And over time I saw that the Auschwitz Brand competed with the Rwanda Brand and the Cambodia Brand and the SUDAN brand.  This was a marketing issue not a humanitarian issue.  Then there was the day that the Israelis invaded a ship at sea and claimed they were the victims but I’m a sea captain. And I couldn’t really identify with the Israeli air gunships and machine guns because as a ship captain I identified with the ship captain whose ship was invaded by pirates.  So I had problems with Israelis as always the victims especially when I heard my Palestinian Christian tell me how her Christian people were persecuted.  So yes the Jews are victims 90% of the time but 10% of the time maybe not.  I was called ‘anti semiotic ‘ when I voiced this thought. So maybe 99% of the time and .001% maybe?
I remembered my wife shouting at me, “you will agree with me when I’m wrong’.  True, loyalty is important and we don’t need each other’s loyalty as much when we’re right.  Thankfully most of my jewish friends were moderates whatever that means to a Jew.  I suspect mostly I’m not considered a threat because I’m irrelevant.  My Jewish friend says he’s considered ‘irrelevant’ by the Jews that matter.  We are the marginalized but ‘we’re not allowed to be victims’.  We don’t get “SPECIAL STATUS” .  Victimship does get Special Status.  There is a major competition for ‘special status’ too because it’s not only lucrative but it’s powerful.
4)Indians/aboriginals/indigenous/first nations - all my life the aboriginals have been victims.  What more can I say.  White man is the oppressor of aboriginals though elsewhere black men oppressed the aboriginals and brown men and red yellow men oppressed the aboriginals as did red men oppress red men.  So while it’s ‘racist’ to single out the white man as the oppressor it’s acceptable for a black woman to oppress a brown man.  In Canada with it’s multiculturalism and liberalism all this wasn’t complicated but then it was.  With immigration the competition for victim status heated up.  Further the French , notorious oppressors of aboriginals, because they were oppressed didn’t have to deal with the issue of oppression till recently when it was recognized French Canadian men were indeed white and according to the Marxist play, white men rape women.  Now Quebec is an oppressor of aboriginals and the rising number of aboriginals and the increasing wealth of aboriginals makes them a major powerful lobby competitive with the Jewish Lobby, The Quebec Lobby and the Women Lobby.
I’ve never hit an Aboriginal.  My cousins are aboriginal.  I grew up defending aboriginals and have given millions of dollars of my time pro bono to aboriginals.  I’ve been threatened by aboriginals. Aboriginals tried to kill me when I was saving the life of an aboriginal.  When I tried to stop an aboriginal woman being raped in a back ally she shouted at me, “I’d rather be raped by an Indian than saved by a whitey”.  At that moment a group of guys ,aboriginal (we called them Indians back then) f came around the corner and I had to run for my life grabbing my girlfriend who’d said ‘aren’t you going to do something’ when we saw the girl being pushed down on the sidewalk.  Later she’d say, “why did you get  involved, you almost got me killed. You know how frightening that was for me.”
When an Indian was shooting at me screaming ‘kill the whitey’ one day and bullets were flying by my head because he mistakenly thought I was on aboriginal land when I shot a grouse I didn’t feel like a victimizer.But maybe his great great grandfather was victimized by someone else's great great grandfather and I was getting the hand me downs.  My great great grandfathers were getting the shit kicked out of them by the English in Ireland or Culloden.  But no one can mention Culloden. Irish Slaves and Culloden don't fit the PC Narrative.
But other than my Metis cousins, despite helping countless natives for decades,  I’ve always had the uncanny feeling that natives would not help me. Indeed I have challenged my native friends about how they only beg and demand for themselves and never help others. I’ve pointed out that Jews help all manner of underdogs as I myself have.  My French Canadian room mate would have given his life to protect me.  With the Jews I expect that there may be an element of Marxist wisdom in keeping perpetual warfare going so they as a minority group can take advantage of the never ending war.  The women I've always helped seemed to take it as 'entitlement'.  I've given fortunes to women and they've always just laughed at what a sucker men are.  My mother loved me more than anyone and my aunts were jewels so I really should be thankful.  I've had great female friends.
Other Jewish and Muslem and secular friends, the physician and psychiatrist friends , are just as stupid as me . We admit we’d take a bullet out of Jesus, Mohammed, Hitler and Stalin and Obama and Justin Trudeau and Nixon and Buddha.  We’re an indiscriminate lot as physicians and none of my friends who aren’t physicians understand why I’m so concerned that the Bahrain doctors were imprisoned for treating partisans and non partisans.  It challenges my fundamental belief system and makes me wonder if I became a doctor because we never have to choose sides. But today all countries are targeting the red cross and in Vancouver the rioters attacked the ambulances.  So I m beginning to think that doctors and nurses need to be issued hand guns because increasingly we’re being attacked.   I've been threatened with guns and knives and struck in my office or at the hospital. I’ve been attacked a half dozen times in my work and never have the authorities cared. They’re in rank denial about the danger of the front line care givers  all the while they cowardly stay as far as humanly possible from the real work and heavy lifting of front line medicine and surgery.Beaurocrats in general lead from behind.  Like the Communists who shot the soldiers from behind to get them to go forward.  Corporate ship captains these days are demanding to be the first to leave their sinking ships.
So I don’t know, it’s just that I now know Aboriginal Millionaires.  My aboriginal lawyer friend is arrogant, obnoxious,  pompous and vengeful.  Meanwhile my aboriginal leader friend with countless grandchildren had two of his houses burned  down by his own people but is as close to Martin Luther as anyone I know, a truly loving peaceful quiet elder . His successes have helped so many aboriginal people he’s become envied by those he helped. The TALL POPPY syndrome is very much alive in Canada.
It still seems  though that while 99% of aboriginals are victims maybe .0001% aren’t.
5) Blacks;   I grew up with all manner of immigrants around.  Mom and Dad travelled and befriended people from other countries. So our friendship network included poles, ukranians, filipinos,  blacks,  chinese, catholics,even, jews, americans, just about anyone who was competent.  If you worked and weren’t a ’shirker’ you were alright with the family.  Part of that was being Baptist.  There was only one Jew and one black person and one chinese person in my neighbourhood growing up.   As protestants we thought the Catholics were the ‘other’.  If someone accused my Irish mother of being “Caholicphobic’ they’d be right on because Grandad was an orange man and he’d left Ireland because he got tired of Catholics blowing things up.  He came to Canada because it was peace fl.Then the Immigrants brought their wars with them. And the East Indians blew up the Canadian air plane.  Dukabors burnt down houses. Dad just shook his head and said the people should leave their wars behind.
My friend is black.  He’s an American Canadian immigrant.  He loves Canada.  When he talks about the Southern States he’s pretty angry. I’ve never thought he thinks I’m white. I’ve only started thinking about him as Black when I began getting called RACIST for questioning Muslim Syrians being fast tracked to Canada with all the evidence of riots in Europe, hundreds of women attacked in Cologne, the Muslim pedophila rings in Britain and the Angry Muslem men in Eastern Canada shouting at Canadians about their right to have sex with 9 yo girls while the LIBERALS are supporting SHARIA LAW courts for Muslems to complement the ABORIGINAL COURTS for aboriginals. I didn't even think of the Syrians as a 'race'.  I certainly wasn't Islamophobe because I've never had anything but admiration for the Sufi's. A couple of my greatest mentors were Egyptian.  They were psychiatrists. I might have thought less of them if they were surgeons but I never thought of them as 'other'.
I know some really rich and important black people in Canada and they don’t seem like Victims to me.  I suppose EVERY MINORITY IS A VICTIM according to PC but I just don’t see it individually.  The richest family in Canada is apparently Scottish but individually he’s not personally helped me though I accept I’ve been blessed to have been born in Canada. I'm eternally grateful that I wasn't born elsewhere. Being a Toronto Maple Leaf fan I was abused for years and only became accepted in the sporting world when I moved to Vancouver and started supporting the Canucks.  The fact is black hasn’t been part of my world except for a couple of black friends. I’ve never fought a black . I grew up with a black doctor who was the best doctor a boy could have when he was desperately sick.  I just missed out on the black thing. The media is full of blacks that sure haven't missed out on the white thing. The white thing is all they seem to talk about.  I have to admit I really like the Black guys called the Black criminals and wankers on their shit.  Like the one guy who said 'how can it help the black people if black people take every opportunity to have a riot so they can break into black people's stores and steal their cvs'.  Reason doesn't affect the irrational emotional sensationalist PC Leftist crowd. They don't listen to anything but their VICTIM mantras.
It also doesn’t mean that complete  strangers don’t call me “RACIST WHITE SHIT” all the time not even knowing me.
And I’ve put my time , my money and my work into helping people regardless of race and as a physician I’m poor today because I worked with the poor and marginalized.  You get rich by being a doctor to the rich. it’s not rocket science. The richest doctors are the cosmetic plastic surgeons because they don’t help the sick, they help the rich and well.  Doc Holiday might well do a little work in a burn unit but the money is where the rich and powerful and well are.  I’ve always worked in the dark alleys of this world with the needy.  That doesn’t count at all.It certainly doesn't pay.
Activists are a special group like journalists and critics in general.  They are above looking at facts. They just talk and make money off criticizing everyone.  I’ve lost money off helping people . I did years of pro bono work only to be condemned time and again in the rich Canadian courts for helping people who the courts clearly wanted to be denied ‘their day in the courts’.  Journalists have attacked me for my pro bono work helping women in recovery.  Whole columns have been written against me for years of pro bono work.  I’ve been condemned by my colleagues even for helping schizophrenics.  R.D. Laing the great defender of Schizophrenics was pilloried by his society.  It’s not new.
If you stand up you make yourself a target. I know I'm not alone too.  Just stupider than my colleagues.
If you are a ‘good samaritan’ in Canada you are running a risk of being destroyed along with those you help.  When you get to heaven , St. Peter asks you, “show me your scars’.  If you have none, he says, “didn’t you find anyone or anything worth fighting for.  Didn’t you learn how to love.”
So again, I ask what if 99% of Blacks are perfect and only .00001% are maybe questionable.  And then if there is a bad black like Idi Amin, say a black man is a murdering rapist, do I have to call him a RADICAL BLACK to be politically correct?  And like, duh, the Queen of England and Canada is a woman and Obama is black. He’s the President of the most powerful country in history.So they're victims right, and because I'm a poor old white guy I'm the bad guy, right.?   I just want to know if I've got this straight.
 6) Gays, Lesbians, Transexual, Non Binary, Transvestites - I’m a male transvestite. I wear kilts and have even worn gowns but w’ere persecuted as perverts. My strictly gay friends are now ‘accepted’ victims’ . Gays and Lesbians have higher special status in the Sexual Victim Registry with the Transexuals vying desperately to catch up and get the same perks but it still happens that Transwomen are rejected by the biological women and transmen by the the biological men and both by gays and lesbians.  But the transvestites they’re ridiculous. They're Monty Python and Benny Hill material.
When I got dressed up for the famous Vancouver ball, a group of men , drove down Davie street shouting obscenities and threats  at all of us.  I felt really vulnerable in high heels and felt a lot of sympathy for women then.  Men dressed as women. Women dressed as men that night.   It’s a very funny charity fund raiser.   The drag queen ball.  I’ve also done the Rocky Horror Picture show in lingerie with my toilet roll ready in my hand.   I do dress up for Halloween too and wore a diaper once but mostly preferred pirate attire. All women in the west are Transvestites.  Still when I put on a kilt for Robby Burns night I get asked by Asians, “why are men dressing like women tonight.?”  So as a tainted heterosexual , once raped . you are an outsider. At best  you get to be a bisexual.  Then bisexuals are the most outside in the sexual world, not homosexual enough or heterosexual enough and thoroughly stigmatized.  Asexual isn’t too good either since the priests ruined it for the monks and hermits.    Wanker is the most acceptable slur today. Calling a person a masturbator is still fair game.  I’ve been called every sexually negative word by someone sometime and never has it related to sex.  When my ATV was stolen, the thief said,  “Of course I stole the homos’s ATV” Of course the police and courts didn’t do anything because ‘sexual status’ isn’t quite there yet as I learned helping AIDS patients.  In a game of Victim STATUS chess the lowest one is still a pedophile. But all the other sexual deviants including the S&M crowd are fair game. The SODOMITES are a particularly bad lot. And watching Porn of any kind still costs men their jobs all the time, but women can watch erotica.  50 Shades of Grey, a more disgusting book than any Penthouse letters ever was is okay because the billionaire has his lawyers get the virgin to sign a consent form before he whisks her off in his helicopter.
But what if we agreed 99% of the perverts are saints is it possible that .000001% of this group could be wrong maybe once? Maybe once.
7) Immigrants - My grandfather’s and grandmother’s were immigrants and I didn’t hear them ever whine about Canada.  They were critical about the British Empire but would have fought as Canadians if called up to do so. Certainly my father joined the Royal Canadian Air Force and served in World War II as a bombardier.  He was scared he told me but never shot at.  He was scared of the stupidity of the officers and the things that were expected of soldiers.  He described a few occasions when he nearly died doing something that looked good on a map but didn’t take into account ravines and cliffs and such. Military ’timelines’ were myths that humans were expected to be superhuman to meet for the sake of officers who were good and bad.  Dad’s most important lesson he learned in the military he said, was “Never Volunteer’.  His best camaraderie though was with ex service men or the men he worked with.
Canada is a country of immigrants. All my life I’ve been surrounded by immigrants. Even though my best friends have been French Canadians and other Immigrant Canadians, I’m called XENOPHOBIC and RACIST constantly simply  because I question our immigration board letting in a 3 time  drug dealer murderer from Cuba who has done time in Cuban and US Jails and tells me he thought the people he killed needed killing.  I wonder what this guy is doing in Canada. When I ask this question i'm called a XENOPHOBE.  The scares even me and I’m attacked for asking the question.  Really, verbally attacked.
Always my ‘license to practice medicine’ is threatened whenever I say anything ‘POLITICALLY INCORRECT”.  Where physicians were once the voice of reason in politics now all my colleagues, all those I know, say, “I can’t afford to get involved in politics. The College of Physicians and Surgeons would have my license.”  “Look what happened to…….and the list goes on”.
The beauorocratic attack politically is never direct. it’s always indirect. The COMMUNISTS were the best. When I was with the Psychiatrists against Political Abuse of Psychiatry, I learned how the game worked.  It’s standard operating procedure in guerrilla warfare.  “FIND SOME DIRT ON HIM and if you can’t find dirt on her, make it up”.
But I’m tired of defending my Grandfather and Grandmother as immigrants. The issue was never about immigration.  Pierre Trudeau changed the laws regarding immigration to discourage the ‘needed’ immigrants and encourage those who were sick   My black doctor friend said, “I only came to Canada because my parents  needed dialysis.  We wanted to go to the states but we couldn’t afford to pay for dialysis. That’s why all my friends came to Canada because they have sick or disabled family who were costing them too much in our country.  Now as a doctor here myself I can’t appreciate that the free health care system means I get paid very little and pay exorbitant taxes. In the end it’s better than where I came from."
8) Vegetarians/Anti Vaccers/Scent Senstives…etc etc…etc.
I am a hunter and a fisherman. I was a strict vegetarian for years and then an egg and fish guy then an egg fish and fowl guy then a bloody moose ,venison and bear loving Canadian who is the scum of the earth because while I’ve shot my food with a bow, shoot deer with bow and arrow, and hunted pigs with spears (scariest thing I’ve done;the pigs all got away and I ran away) I’m the enemy of all. I’m the evil one.  I’m a chicken killer.  All those whose families have ever in the history of the world, in all 100,000 years who have ever eaten meat are suspect and abusing the poor vegetarians and their pure food diet people.  I’m to be outlawed. The stigma against me is so great that I have to pay a fortune for the rifles I own and have been put in special registry of dirty bad Canadians who are watched 24/7 by the law because they are evil.  Anyone who has killed an animal is SATAN.  The poor vegetarians are victimized by our presence in their midst. They line up on streets showing pictures of chickens being killed.  I noticed they’re wearing leather and things like that but that just inflames them .  I been spat on by people who have told me that ‘people like you need to be killed so the plants can live’.  I say I’m killing the deer to save the plants and they look at me with disdain and chant ‘killer killer killer’.  Vegetarians are holy.

The fact is I find it hard to kill animals and when I raised chickens I found it really  hard to kill the chickens I raised.  I don’t even like killing fish.  But then I felt sentimental about pulling up carrots.  I am a big sissy and I’ve been called a sissy countless times.  I’ve been called a killer and a sissy and an old white guy and all manner of horrible hate names. These are just the english terms.  I’m sometimes interested in what I overhead when two people were pointing at me and calling me something as I was walking by. Just walking down the street in Canada or some other country, and much to my surprise,s I’ve looked up the word and I’ve learned that there are countless words in other languages that translate roughly to something like ‘nigger’ would in our english language. But it’s okay for people to use those words , words like ‘smuck’ or ‘round eyes’ but it’s not okay if they’re translated. My French friend told me just some of the french canadian "hate language"words for the English. Oddly they seemed to have some religious slur thrown in. But the vegetarians seem to get all the venom needed in ‘meat eater’.
I guess ‘cannibal’ doesn’t need a lot of dressing on it.  If my neighbour ate my child and I was trying to be wholly inclusive and avoiding hate speech I might slur ‘cannibal’ at them even knowing the ‘PC speech police’ might not care if the guy ate my kid but certainly would be there to arrest me for saying ‘cannibal’.If I didn't want to go to jail, I'd have to remember to say something like "YOU RADICAL CANNIBAL!"
Oddly my Immigrant vegetarian friends don’t care that I eat meat. It’s only the white Canadian female vegetarians from wealthy families with private school education that have called me filthy names for being a meat eater and objecting to them blocking the sidewalk with their demonstration and signs.  A lot of my life I’m just trying to get to and from my work as a physician and I have to go through all this drama and I’m tired. I broke up a fight once between three white guys and three black guys in front of my apartment and then all six of them were going to beat me up. I’ve had all these white girls angry with me because I just want to walk down the street and they’re angry I’m not caring for the chickens they’re holding up pictures about.  it didn’t help that I told them I killed Bambi to protect the vegetables.    I know I’m wrong. I know I’m the source of all evil in the world.  My ex wives made it very clear that I’m the source of all evil.  I am a total and utter failure .  So I understand why vegetarians would hate me. But…..all ….100%.
But what if 99% of vegetarians and all the other folk are   right, is it possible maybe  that .00001% are wrong?  Maybe?
8) Refugees.  One of my favourite psychiatrist friends came as a refugee. My first wife came as a refugee.  Obviously I love refugees.  I love that people who are persecuted in their country can come here. I love that my refugee friends who  lvoe Canada and compare Canada so favourably with their country of persecution.
I’ve helped countless refugees.
I’ve raised an eyebrow though when increasingly ‘political refugees’ who have come to Canada because their lives were in danger in their country once they get citizen status and are on disability return to their country. It happens more and more and has caused me some concern.  There have been reasonable explanations. Regimes have changed.  It’s all above board most of the time but occasionally it’s the  DISABILITY INDUSTRY that has attracted patients who turn out later not to be ‘at risk’ in their country.  But one bad apple…… They’re rare in the range of things though I’ve noticed that the Canadian government doesn’t rectify matters when these same people turn out to be doing a variety of criminal activities here.  They seem to have SPECIAL STATUS.
Increasingly as a Canadian I’ve thought ‘if i did that’ I’d be arrested.
But I know of no country where an Immigrant of a minority religion gets to be the MINISTER OF DEFENCE.  We have Mr. Singh and we had Dr. Hedy Fry who I campaigned for and yet travelling around the world I notice no CANADIAN Immigrant to other countries being made Minister of Defence. I know of no Muslim Country where a Christian could be Minister of Defence. I know too that Syria had a law that said ‘only a Muslim could be President”.  Further, travelling I found that there were restrictions on foreigners buying land all over the world and so many restrictions to me as an immigrant.  Mexico our friendly neighbour even had restrictions against me as a Canadian.
The whole idea of ‘fair play’ or ‘what’s good for the goose is good for the gander’ or ‘level playing field’ or ‘equal opportunity’ are all meaningless to a whole lot of people of other religions and nationalities. I begin to worry playing soccer doesn't teach people to be good sports like playing hockey does.
When I questioned the decision to have ‘25000 refugees’ brought into Canada  in a month because of political showboating and suddenly we were going to accept refugees from a country who were the allies not of our ally America, but rather of our former enemy Russia, and were of a religion that promoted death to infidels (Christians, Secularists, and Canadians in general) I expressed my heart felt ‘fear” . In stead of being told ‘we understand your fear’ I was called a RACIST.  "I was called an Islamophobe" (It was as bad as when I questioned yet another tax , the CARBON TAX, a tax on breathing, on top of all the taxes we already pay as Canadians and how useless the government increasingly is, having multi million dollar parties and giving billions of dollars to the UN, I was called a CLIMATE CHANGE DENIER>  i.e. "YOU're Psychotic!!! to question more Taxation by your Liberal Good Government.  I
 was lied to by my leadership and was attacked verbally in the most offensive way.  Indeed I was threatened.  I continue to be called RACIST and XENOPHOBIC.  People tell me to get the fuck out of Canada if you don't like Justin Trudeau and his plan to bring in hundreds of thousands of immigrants willy nilly at billions of dollars cost when all day long I see homeless people and can't get supplies for my patients and haven't any resources and am chronically tired of saying no to patients who can't understand why they've paid for services and can't get anything.  
(Now Canada has a history of having had refugees and immigrant women from the Congo.  These Muslem women were sent to Canada by their warlord husbands.  Each husband had 4 to 10 wives. The men sent their wives here to collect disability.  The women collected disability here and sent 9/10 of the money back to the Congo.  American soldiers wondering who was paying for the ammunition which the Muslim terrorists were shooting at them found out that the CANADIAN GOVERNMENT was Paying for the AMMUNITION and Weapons to supply terrorists by this little African muslim women's scam).
Having lived in America I know that the terrorists that attacked America came through Canada so I have some anxiety.
I was bombed when I lived in London by the IRA. I evacuated buildings a dozen times. My life was often threatened.  My wife was caught in a bomb blast.  Her face was torn up by flying glass. She cried in her sleep.  We were scared. Our parents wanted us to come home because it was so dangerous.  A plane I was boarding was found to have a terrorist on board. I’ve had my close calls.  I’m not known for crying wolf.
But when I expressed concern I was condemned.  I was called a RACIST. I was called countless obscenities.
I recently was called IGNORANT.  I was called UNEDUCATED.  I WAS CALLED WHITE.  I WAS CALLED OLD MAN.  The number of slurs and character assassinations and hate speech directed at me in the last few months is incredible.  And though I never ‘started’ any of these visious violent interchanges I might well have contributed to their escalation.  As a Christian I’m taught to ‘turn my cheek 70 times 70 times so I keep count and when the right number pops up I confess I do take a certain delight in retaliating which I recognize is a character flaw but I’ve also found that bullies will bully until you hit back.
An Israeli leader just got in deep shit saying that the only thing that stops a muslim terrorist is the threat to rape their daughter. Naturally as an isralei in the world of real politick he’s probably had the life of his daughter threatened. RAPE is indeed a recognized act of war in the history.  The RAPE of the SABINES wasn’t at all sexist but biological. By ‘raping the wives of your defeated’ you could ensure that they had a generation delay in the production of another army.  But SEXISTS only see rape through their discrete lens i.e. about women.  Boys and men have been raped in the past too but they don’t count.  Still it’s all ‘barbaric’ but when Mr. Harper tried to stop the genital mutilation of children with his law against ‘barbaric practices’ he was condemned a dirty old white man despite the law being proposed by  muslim and  hindu canadian woman.
The fact is a REFUGEE is a VICTIM all the time.
I have this problem because when I was in italy the refugees who were attacking girls there were former soldiers from Africa.  I got mugged and called an‘INFIDEL” as my cross was torn from my neck by a muslim gang, ex military. The Greeks were incensed at the Afghanistan and Iraqi young men attacking Christians and stealing their silver and gold crosses to sell because they didn’t care for the wider ramifications these attacks had on the Greek Tourist trade.  So my friend who rescues ’snakes’ says that no one wants to put money into saving ‘reptiles’ but the SPCA has a booming trade in cuddly kittens, puppies and bunnies.  Sentimentalism and Emotional Reasoning reign.
 But to even question if a refugee might be a psychopath is to break the rules. This is despite the fact that we have major crime problems in Vancouver because of Immigrant or Refugee TONG Gang Members from the East and Russian Gangsters from the west.  To even suggest that a Middle East refugee might be a serial murderer or a serial rapist or GOD FORBID, Isis or a Jihadist, may get you arrested.  Justin Trudeau was more angry with a refugee being pepper sprayed than he was when Canadians living here were murdered by terrorists. He certainly didn't get very concerned about police being killed.  There’s that double standard.
But what if 99% of refugees are saints  and only .0001% of refugees are dangerous psychopaths, is that reason for concern.  Or should we be, claiming we want to hear from all Canadians,  but shut up any Canadian who expresses ‘fear’ and ‘anxiety’.  I heard once that a woman being raped was criticized for screaming. Ironic because we're normally condemned for not screaming.
An American soldier told me that a beaurocratic message had been sent round advising the soldiers to remember that they may be being filmed when they are wounded and that profanities negatively affect the war effort. So don’t say ‘fuck’ when you are shot, please.
Don’t you just love POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!. We can all kill and maim and lie and cheat just as long as we maintain the proper grammar, speak with proper sentences, wear suits, smile that lizard like way.
I’ve helped countless refugees get into Canada. I’ve done thousands of dollars of ‘volunteer’ ‘pro bono’ work for refugees getting them the letters and referrals needed for them to get resources and assistance they need.
So maybe 99% of refugees are perfect but what about that .0001%.
____________________
I don’t know where it stops.
As a Christian I’m taught that I must ‘get down off the cross, we can use the wood’.  There’s a song, ‘were you there when they crucified the lord’ and it teaches us that we weren’t just spectators but that we were shoving the spear in his side. That’s the message of Sinners.
It’s a joke when the therapists did ‘past life regression’ therapy and the hypnotists looked at ‘past lives’.  Everyone was Cleopatra or some King or Queen.  But no one was Hitler or Stalin or Jack the Ripper.  It’s just ‘not nice’.
Now some of the SPECIAL STATUS ‘victims’ are Christians too so I wonder ‘what their part was in killing Jesus’ because as Christian’s we are taught to believe that we are all Sinners.  Even Peter denied Jesus.  In the history of Martyrs all one generally had to do was say, alright I’ll worship the Emperor. Okay the lions don’t get fed with a Christian today, The same with witch trials .  Mostly people just had to say, okay I’m a witch and they didn’t get burnt.  The big problem is the truth tellers and those inflexible sorts that won’t lie.  Jesus, they are a royal pain in the ass. Personally, I’m not a very good Christian because I don’t think I’d insist I was if one of my friends or family were threatened. Hell, threaten my dog and I’m jelly.  I know because my cat was killed when I took a stand against something earlier in my life.I regretted what I had done. It didn't seem to warrant the death of my cat.  She was an innocent and I couldn't protect her.
The problem arises for me today is the HIERARCHY OF SPECIAL STATUS.  If a brown refugee man rapes a jewish aboriginal women which counts more especially if one is from Quebec and one is from Western Canada and both have a history of drug abuse and lying but the judge is a Liberal or an atheist, whose the more victim.
It’s just incredibly confusing for me.  I really don’t know what the law is any more.  I know ‘thou shalt not kill’ but even ‘innocent until proven guilty’ is gone in Canada because everyone’s lives are ruined with only the accusation and then FACEBOOK gossip columns do the rest.

Finally I’m suffering from a disease which makes me tend to be prone to self pity.  I spend all day convincing myself life is good.  I do prayer and meditation and force myself daily to see that the glass is half full or all full.  Hell I know that the problem is me.  My friend Milton, a marvellous black Christian used to tell me he had a sentence on his mirror that said “you’re looking at the problem’.
So I know that.  Justin Trudeau is probably Jesus Christ incarnate.  Obama is probably Einstein.  Putin is for sure Mother Mary. I love Leonard Cohen.  I am the KY Jelly.
But I know I’m not supposed to think like this, especially now.  I am warned by the threats and the verbal abuse.
It’s just every day I want to run away from Canada because I don’t belong here.  I have no home.  I sailed away once and it was good.  More and more people come to me agoraphobic and social phobic. The number of people who are anxious is incredible.  Everyone I know is afraid to talk openly now.
I loved when my Indian friend told me ‘we all had to learn to whisper’ .
Now I’ve been told to leave Canada. That I’m not a Canadian.  Every time Justin Trudeau or a liberal speaks for Canadians I know they’re not speaking for me so I’m utterly and fully excluded.  So I really want to leave. I’m tired of the hate speech.  I’m so tired of AD HOMINEMs.  I’m so very tired of being told I’m IGNORANT, UNEDUCATED, STUPID, SEXIST, ISLAMAPHOBE, RACIST, WHITE and OLD and the names go on and on. I could take it but not when the leader of the country and his leading party and his followers are constantly calling me names anytime I disagree with something they say.  I spend all day dealing with people who I tell that they’re better than the names they’re called. I am all day long hearing people talk about their abuse in this country. Then I go to FACEBOOK and I hear it all night.
I thought to make a job of it.  I try to give it back .  You hit me. I hit you back.
But I’m just too tired.

FACE BOOK doesn’t want me.
CANADA doesn’t want me.  I’ve been told too many times to Fuck off .  Get out of Canada. If you don’t like it leave.  It’s where I was born.  No other country wants CANADIANS.  I can’t claim refugee status in any other country.  Most of Africa won’t have me because I’m a wanker.  Blacks don’t masturbate or have sex with other men or women with women so most black countries kill people like me who admit to it.  Muslim countries don’t want Christians.  Buddhist countries don’t want Christians.  Everyone thinks that as a doctor I should be able to go anywhere but it’s not like that. There are barriers to doctors all over the world. I have a dog.  Dogs are discriminated against everywhere in Canada and as a dog owner I’m discriminated everywhere in churches, in AA meetings, in stores.  The only reason I’m willing to go to heaven is they take dogs.  Generally I’ve learned too that if a place doesn’t want my dog they’re eventually going to hurt me.  It was even better when I had my cat.  Generally speaking people who don’t like pets don't like pet owners and don’t like me.  Weird. I have fish too.  It’s too much baggage so no one wants me.  The Landlords hate us and no one cares about us but we don’t have any SPECIAL STATUS. I pay more in all the hotels and I”m excluded everywhere even though my dog is a THERAPY DOG.
So I don’t know where to go.  Somedays I just don’t go out. I’m afraid to talk to people because I might say something that might offend them. I lived with wives who were depressed and everything I said offended them so now I’m in a country where I’m feeling like those last years when their parents had died and they were depressed and everything I did was offensive and I spent years walking on egg shells until I accepted I was the problem and ran away.  I’m always running away.  Soon all I’ll have to run away to death but that’s okay.Death looks better than Canada some days.  Especially if Heaven is like Mark Twain's Captain Stormfield's heaven.
I’m a dinosaur. I’m extinct.
I don’t have a SPECIAL STATUS category. I can’t even complain about being bullied.
I don’t even have a country any more. I’m not a Canadian.  CANADIANS don’t think like I do.
Reminds me of when Paul Simon wrote the song about ‘going off to look for America’.  I guess that’s what I m going to have to do soon.
I miss my sailboat.  Sometimes I could find Canada standing by the mast smashing through big waves heeled over in a storm.  Sometimes I found Canada riding on my motorcycle through the mountains.  It’s been raining for days. Maybe when the tulips come back I’ll get some hope. Maybe even have some faith.
It just seems bleak.  Life is suffering unto death, Kierkegaard said.But he was Dutch.  He never was a Canadian.