Saturday, November 26, 2016

Saturday Morning Journalling in Vancouver

I didn’t wake until nearly 9 am.  Normally I’m up at 7 so that’s really called sleeping in.  Laura was already up.  She had taken my fur alarm clock for a walk and were just returning wet from the rainy outdoors while I was going into the apartment bathroom.
“He peed and pooped and then wanted to come right back home. It was pouring and I tried to cover him with my umbrella. He dragged me on the leash back here.” she said.
Gilbert is a comfort dog.  When I’m hunting with Gilbert he prefers the truck to the ATV.  He’s keen to romp in the woods but loves returning to the warmth and comfort of the truck.  Smart dog.
Gilbert has been sleeping on the bed little feet twitching as he runs in the warmth of his dreams.
I’ve been sitting up on the bed Laura made while I was in the washroom.
She’s made me several coffees, brought eggs and toast with marmalade and generally spoiled me.
Meanwhile I’ve been caught up in Facebook.
Fidel Castro died on Black Friday, ironically the most capitalistic day of the year.  He was 90. Only the good die young.  A deeply evil man he killed thousands with firing squads and ran a one man police state.  He was one of the great killers and dictators of the 20th century the century ever to be remembered by failed communist countries killing hundreds of millions and jailing more, over and over again.  Stalin at very least saved his country from invasion by his former Socialist friend Adolf Hitler. But his reign of terror was like Castros’.  Meanwhile Castro was a friend of Pierre Trudau, the worst prime minister Canada has known from his invoking the war measures act to his national energy bill to his economic debacle that impoverished the country for decades.  Amazing what a red carnation symbol can do.  Cigar smoking Castro was celebrated for his health care and education system by his leftist cronies who failed to mention his jails and firing squads and theft of all the wealth of the  working man.
I saw the refugees who had escaped from Cuba having seen their families killed. I’ve talked to Cubans and am not surprised that there was dancing in the streets of Florida where the most Cubans live, thousands ,tens of thousands dancing and singing when they learned that Castro was dead.  Trudeau naturally didn’t comment on this.  And everyone in Cuba but the police live in fear.   Cubans  might well have been singing “Ding Dong the Witch is dead” because everyone knew of his killing and his despotism, except Justin Trudeau who skipped history to snowboard with his trust fund economic account.
There is always ‘romance’ with the rebel. The women can’t explain their sexual attraction to the ‘bad boys’.  It’s like good men who fall for the classic honey pot of the hookers.  Lust and death go hand in hand.
Cuba is freed from Castro though his family in classic despotism reign.  Were Hitler to have won and lived no doubt we’d have seen his children taking power.  Stalin’s wife killed herself, his daughter escape to the US, begging the Capitalist Pigs asylum from her brutal father.
Justin Trudeau loved his daddy’s killer buddy.  One an effete communist intellecual, the other a murderous communist despot.  Little Trudeau just flew to Cuba to see his communist second family.  He’s already visited the Chinese despot.  George Sorros the Nazi turned Communist , always capitalist billionaire has Justin in his pocket.  The Multi Millionaire Canadian Communist Strong started the UN IPCC so Canadians must suffer under a snow boarder drama teachers ignorance of science and demonization of carbon the foundation of humanity, and CO2 the life blood of plants.  As Trudeau skipped history and science classes Canadians are just stuck with his daily drama, all that he knows.  Selfie’s clicking and another shirtless Trudeau sexting.
It’s all hypocrisy.
I read through my Face Book feeds and having listened to CBC news and am appalled that my taxes outrageous and exorbitant beyond belief worse than even full fledged communist countries go to such deceit and propaganda.
I can’t shake the feeling I’m in a pre WW3 time with my leadership backing HItler and Stalin and Mussolini.  Merkel’s platitudes are dying in reality and Europe is turning against the ideological platitudes of the day.  France remains under martial law because of Muslim jihadists and refugee sexual violence.  All these intellectuals who smoke pot and do drugs and come up with ways for everyone to live to suit their fantasies are caught in the dying light of their once bright ideas. .
I did read a marvellous Psychology Today article on Misandry, the hatred of men, and a sub text on Feminism as Misandry.  Feminist Trudeau says men should be as self loathing as him and I can’t help but remember that his mother was a notorious drug addict and sex addict.  Now she’s cleaned up her history by claiming the generic term of ‘mentally ill’.  But what was the chicken and what was the egg. The fact remains she was a drug addict long before anyone realized how crazy drugs could make a person.  Now every drug addict is called Bipolar.
Meanwhile Laura has shown me the picture of her relative’s cat who likes to go hunting with him.He lives in Northern BC, a rural person.
Trump is picking his cabinet. So far all his choices have been incredible. I was really impressed with him when he picked Pence as his VP.  I vowed to buy Laura an Ivanka dress, not just because we like her designs but because there was a call to boycott her work because her father Donald Trump had won the election. How petty and offensive the Left is with their riots and destruction of property still going on in Canada and the States.  Nothing is more ludicrous  than leftist thugs. carrying Gandhi and Martin Luther books while they break into Electronic stores to steal plasma tvs claiming it’s a ‘demonstration’.  This is the fundamental problem of phenotype and genotype or rhetoric and logic.
Yesterday after work Laura and I did take advantage of the Black Friday sales.  Ivanka dresses are sold at Nordstroms and the Bay. Laura found one she loved in crushed velvet on black friday sale for $79 dollars. At Moores I got two sport jackets for the price of one. I now have three lines of clothing based on my expanding girth.  I have made an early resolution to exercise more, eat less,  my body unlikely to last till the Official New Year’s Resolution time.
After shopping we stopped for coffee downtown enjoying people watching. Laura had a hot chocolate. The streets were lit up for Christmas.  We caught the first packed show of Arrival at Scotia Theatre. Great “Timely” sci fi.  We both loved it.  After we walked Robson Street and had Sushi at Robson and Thurlow, Sushi Yan. We’d both not been there for years but it was still as good as ever.  Quite a treat for us because we don’t eat out often especially in winter because restaurants aren’t dog friendly.
Gilbert was back home hanging out with George his cat buddy. Laura sees them playing ball together and lying together when she comes in and surprises them. When we’re around George acts all diffident though occasionally plays his game of blocking Gilbert getting to the food dish or sitting in front to his ball. When I go to see what’s happening George acts perfectly innocent.
I’m still struggling with my brother’s death. It’s like my life has been on hold and now it’s starting up again.  Laura is reading a New York Guide Book. I’ve been enjoying the University New York Historical Society series on audio driving too and from work. I’m reading Edward Rutherford’s New York and was amused at the synchronicity when a patient told me this week he was reading the same and we were actually at the same place in the book and like a couple watching soap operas got chatting about the fictional characters and  factual events. “You have to read Sarum. Rutherford is one of my all time favourite authors. I am loving New York but I really think Sarum is still his best.”
I’m loving New York and finding Rutherford to write like a modern day Michener. I’ve read all of Michener and loved them all so now I’ll probably start reading all of Rutherford.  So many of my patients have been to or lived in New York and it’s been fascinating to hear how the city affected their narratives.
I am looking forward to visitting AA Central Office and Stepping Stones in New York..  There’s Trinity and St. Patricks and the New Year’s ball. I’ve got tickets on line to the Salome Opera, Philharmonic,  CATS and Carole King and Presence with Kate Blanchete.  I so enjoyed the art galleries in St. Petersburg and it was in New York more than 40 years ago I loved touring the Whitby and MET falling in love with Marc Chagall whose work I first saw there.  My second wife and I saw Lauren Bacall and Jeremy Irons on the Broadway stage one of those unforgettable life moments and performances. I love live theatre and live performances.  I loved especially  going with my first wife to the theatre in London. We sat in the cheapest seats  but got to see Noel Coward plays, and Alec Guiness and Maggie Smith on stage.
This week I had a true blessing, a gift of a Caroline Scagel print of Gilbert in a side car motorcycle in one of her whimsical  Marc Chagall like Canadian settings. The painting is on silk and I just love this print. Caroline Scagel’s gallery is called Toller Studios on Maine Island.
Asking my brother what he wanted to do and hearing that all he really wanted was more time with his amazing and loving family, my sister in law and nephews, I thought of my own ‘bucket list’ and New York came to mind. It was tempting to go to Mexico or Hawaii again for the warm.  But   I went to Turkey ‘off season’ a couple of years ago and don’t regret it one bit though it was rainy and cold with snow in Cappadocia.  The History and Art and Mosques and Capadocia country side with fairy chimneys and underground churches remains so unforgettably moving to me. This is not to say the most beautiful beaches in the world on the Mariana Islands could ever lose their appeal to a Canadian who has known real winter.  Return as a tourist to Saipan is certainly on my bucket list.
I was really glad to hear my Democratic Congressman friend was re elected. When there are people as loving as caring as he is I am glad people can still vote for the man even if I don’t respect the leader.   I was a Liberal for 20 years and am just really sorry that the party remained a Quebec party claiming national concerns.  That’s not to say I don’t have my Liberal friends and despite thinking they have superego lacunae in this one regard admire them in all other aspects.
Laura’s never been to New York so it’s a real thrill for her.  I took my timid second wife there, my first wife being by contrast a real adventurer and we bicycled across Europe together.  My second wife loved cities though and was a great companion visitting art galleries.
I really have been blessed in life though have known great challenges, trials, tribulations and sorrow. So much work. I’m tired now I’m older and if anything the forces of evil , the atheists and the corrupt wasters seem more prevalent.
I felt safe when Harper and Martin and Chretien and Mulroney were prime ministers. I don’t feel safe today. I wonder if my own personal aging isn’t something I’m projecting onto government as the scientifically ignorant  baby boomer leftist  elite have projected their imminent demise  grandiosely onto the planet with their silly theiving climate change cults and pre dementia return to pot smoking and hippy platitudes.
I hope my anxiety is just truly a measure of my distance from God.  I feel I pray and meditate too little. I ‘m always so busy.  I exercise too little. I indulge myself in food and entertainment and long for an advanced sex robot like a Cherry 2000 though really Laura is a great companion. Frankly  I’ve had the sexiest women in the world as wives and lovers. But Cherry 2000 could be programmed to clean the house, feed her man grapes and provide daily desires at verbal command.   When I’m in my intellectual mode I think of the laziest ways of sexual gratification because frankly as an intellectual I am forever angry at my mother for cutting the umbilical cord.  That’s why Leftist intellectuals want to be on the State Tit.
I guess this is what Trudeau  hopes from Muslim women.  When he gets Sharia law legalized and beating women, the Muslim way,  legislated in  Canada we can imagine  Sophie will stop exposing so much skin to the camera.  One of the main reasons for the Niqab and Burka is for wives to conceal their bruises.
 I know a lot of men who thought their Asia wives would work out for them this way. However there does seem to be a female genetic trait of individuality and reason which I have unfortunately admired.  I do love freedom and I have loved that women have loved me freely.   But then I’m an idealist and for a lot of men and women even marriage  is just ‘institutionalized prostitution’ . Feminists see it as lust between adults whereas traditionally marital love was so akin to Agape that Pope Paul John wrote a bulletin describing it as sacrament.  In the Bible the Song of Songs is the great book of erotic love.
I love the acceptance of my bible believing friends who trust authority as God’s and that there is a plan that will unfold and that we are saved. I am troubled though that most of Jesus’s disciples were martyred.  And I really don’t like pain and am at core a coward despite the many occasions I’ve stood up, making myself a target and suffered for fighting the lonely fights for underdogs and the abused.  On dozens of occasions I’ve risked my life to save the lives of others. I’ve faced gangs to stop women being raped fighting to pull girls from attackers and taking serious hits in the process.  I argue strongly that if you haven’t any ‘scars’ you’re not going to heaven. If you have scars on only one side of your body you’ve only been at the sidelines.I’ve got scars everywhere because I waded into the middle.  And now I look back and wonder why I did that.  Older I’m trying to avoid the world.
I love my east indian friend who described picking up a baseball bat to fight off the bullies trying to hurt his wife and children.
Now the enemy just ‘takes my precious time’.  Everyone in Canada is facing some time of beurocratic interference.  When you count  the number of regulations and realize how everything is taxed, see how many police, jails, and asylums, social “homes" we have and how many people are poor and struggling financially you really can appreciate how Castro taking over his country introduced his police state and demonic economic polices that destroyed the productive.  But being communist it’s always somebody else’s fault.  The left ‘blame game’.  Canada is now so far left of centre as to tip over any day now.  It’s that unbalanced.
I’m a failure to myself but wonder about my high standards. I still loved Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest and admire the greatest humans like the mariner explorer, Shakleton.
In my personal life I’ve been blessed to have amazing mentors from Dr. Carl Ridd at University of Winnipeg, Dr. Allan Ronald,  Dr. Arnold Naimark, Dr. Bill Bebchuck, Dr. Nady el Guebaly, Dr. Bernie, Dr. Hank , Dr. Williei, Dr. Phillip Ney, Dr. Dick, Dr. Art  and Dr. Tom and James Houston.  I read the biography of Colonel Hatfield our incredible Canadian Astronaut who not only went to space but manned the Space Station and sang David Bowies Colonel Tom from outer space.  The men I’ve known have been of this ilk, So far beyond me in their personal lives and achievements but so kind as to share and help a fellow human. I’ve been truly blessed.  I’ve known as many angels in my life like Cheryl,  Carole,  Bobby and closer to home, Maria Gomorri, Dr. Barb, Rev. Clark, Andria, but it’s the men I’ve tried to emulate. As my father taught me hunting, bicycling and shaving and my brother taught me motorcycles and canoeing so I’ve followed in the footsteps of these leaders of men and been truly impressed by their genius and big hearts. I’ve been blessed to know so many greater in my work and recreation.  I’m so utterly thankful for all my education and a life of learning.
I told a friend that I truly loved the painting but the frame was sordid and that saddened me.  These days I’m asking what stops me from being the best person I can be.  There seems less and less time to be the best person I can be and I’ve really been trying to do this in a variety of ways all my life.  I ‘m certainly skilled and I certainly have had a lot of awards and recognition.  I’ve even had a bit of infamy which I don’t like but realize was what others have experienced who stood up. Being different gets a chicken with a black feather savaged by the other stupid chickens.  Stupid people frighten me and there are a lot more stupid people than smart people. Worse the stupidest are made  to think they are smart by the wiles of the smart who award and give the stupid badges.  There’s nothing more dangerous than a stupid person in uniform.
I may be a stupid person.  I’m always self questioning and self doubting. Even when I was going through medical school I was questioning my decision. I left university in undergrad because I thought that the administration was a propaganda organ yet I came back and went on to teach knowing that this was partly true but so what.  I’ve learned to be less uncompromising and less judgemental.  Aging is a real time of mellowing. I realize I was really stupid when I was younger but I sure had a lot more energy.
Now I’m quite satisfied but accept that life is suffering unto death and anxiety is a measure of my distance from God. I am ever crying out for God and leading my life in as Godly a way as I can but I’m soiled with life and age and pretty beaten down by the game. I really felt the Glass Bead Game by Herman Hesse captured this aspect of truth just like Walden Pond confronts our consumer society.  I enjoyed hearing Zero Sum Game in the movie Arrival.
I’ve given all to the company store and now sucked dry  I also have to accept that nothing is good enough for the State or the State Committees because they are insatiably addicted to power but equally suffer extreme inferiority complex which cause them to avoid personal accountability. Thats a weakness ethically in the corporate model, a modern medieval reinvention of the Lords and Ladies. I am waiting to be cast off knowing the callousness of institutions and institutionalized men and women.  The Committee .  It’s like Kafka’s Castle.  But on a good day I hope to live as my father and mother lived long enough to enjoy retirement. But Trudeau has broken all his promises and the State promise of the reward of retirement is apparently no different than what the State has done for all too many of the Vets. Obama is even now demanding claw back from Vets after they served claiming he overpaid them.  Hillary in Watergate destroyed the pensions of the med west farmers and workers without any thought but for her Chelsea who not surprisingly married a banker..
The closed ballot and the true election process was a cornerstone of liberty but today no one cares for freedom. it’s all about consumerism.
I like to consume too.  I’ve experienced extreme poverty and sickness and prefer moderate well being.  What I really must work more at is avoiding ‘comparing my insides with others outsides’. As Milton always said, “When I look in a mirror I realize the problem is me and I’m looking at it.”  There is a farcical nature to Canadian politics right now so if only I could elevate my perspective I could be belly laughing all day at the foolishness of it all.  That might get me locked up but it sure beats despair.  And as the great pro life champion Dr. Ney would say, the world is full of bitter old people.  Being positive in negative times is really rather original and creative.
Here I am today able to sit at this Apple laptop computer journalling, a day off from a hectic week, well fed , warm and with my dog and beautiful friend.
The world is unfolding as it is.  Today is a blessing. Tomorrow is not yet here. I even have more adventure to consider today.  Thank you God for all your blessings. Thank you for my family , friends, my work and all those I can help and serve. Help me in my work. Help me to be a better doctor. Help me to grow old more gracefully. Help me to take more care of my own health and better care for this body I have let grow fat and lazy.  Help me to be a better master to my dog and a better friend.  Thank you for rest as well as work. Guide me in the troubles that come with working with the most insane, and most addicted and the stigma of a doctor among society’s  Lepers. Help me to help those marginalized by society. Help me to be wiser, more loving and more discerning.
Thank you  esus for this day and all the wonders of God’s creation.
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