New York City Rainy Day Walk

We’ve been to all the places in New York City which I’d listed before coming as most desired to see. There’s endless urban activities here.  If one wanted to visit bowling alleys or dart playing venues or military museums or textile works they could. I just wrote down what Laura and I might wish to visit as a priority and we’ve  actually done it.  In 10 days we’ve visited all the places we really wanted to visit.  In addition we’ve attended the shows I booked on line back in November and really enjoyed the experience.
New York has been sensational. I spent a week here 30 years ago and have been back for brief jaunts since but this time I’ve just been so impressed with the friendliness of people, the civility, the cleanliness and law and order. In our experience , it really has been a safe place for a  tourist.  Of course we’re not out partying at 3 in the morning and Laura is not passed out drunk on the street.
I’ve visitted cities around and love London most but New York is comparable.. Nothing compares with Singapore as a safe and welcoming tourist destination.  However Mexico City and Athens, outside of a very limitted prescribed tourist district, stand out as  scary. I’ve actually been astonished at how civilized Manhatten has been. New Yorkers were once said to be as offensive as Parisians but today I really have only had one negative business experience.  As I experienced in Morocco one has  to be very much on guard with buying things because other cultures rather celebrate taking advantage of strangers in a ‘sharp deal’.
We took a taxi by the UN Building. Axis of Evil.
Yesterday  I asked Laura what would be the highlights we’d recommend for someone visitting Vancouver.  I really think Vancouver Canada would be a fabulous tourist destination for people around the world. Everyone I know who has visitted has spoken so highly of the scenery and location. Granville Island, Gastown, Davie Street, Robson Street, English Bay, Commercial Avenue, Lonsdale Quay, Stevenstons Fish and Chips,   Grouse Mountain, Christ Church Cathedral, Holy Rosary Catholic Church, Seven Sails Restaurant, the Art Gallery for the Emily Carr,  Museum of Anthropology at UBC  for the native art, the Aquarium, QE Park.  I’d recommend Pacific Theatre, the Vancouver Ballet and a Canucks Game.
I feel today on our last day here that I’ve experienced New York in much the same way.  It’s been a whirlwind tourist experience but God it’s been incredible. The Art Galleries and Museums are unsurpassed. I loved Moscow, St. Petersburg, Washington DC, Jerusalem, Instabul and London for the same experience of great art and sculpture and history well presented.
Vancouver has, to my mind, the best dining experiences in the world.  Frankly I prefer my own cooking of wild fish, foul and meat I’ve caught or shot and cooked myself.  Here in New York we’ve really not eaten out that much, loving a English Pot Pie at Churchill’s , the hotdogs and pretzel’s on the street, lobster and steak on Staten Island,  pizza at Marta’s.  We’ve actually had MacDonald’s burgers and mcMuffings on several occasions because there was one conveniently beside the subway a block from our Redbury Hotel.  We loved the Bread & Butter deli and Pret Manger.  The coffee at Redbury was great. We often stopped for coffee and a snack disappointed by Starbucks because there was so little seating and one actually didn’t have a washroom. We didn’t like the Nescafe’s because they didn’t have wifi. This LaColombe Torrefaction Coffee and Tea place is great.
I wanted to take a break from work. I was really tired with work and grief and getting older.  I’ve been so disappointed in our Trudeau government with his party boy elitism, increasing taxes , wasteful spending, communism and scientific ignorance. If he’s not smoking dope on a daily basis he sure acts like a stoner with the public purse and his platitude speechifying.
I’m actually feeling rested and  ready to return to the horrors of cancerous Canadian bureaucracy.  We just talked to a woman who had moved here from Finland. She was so frustrated by the taxation and government interference in every walk of life that she’d moved to the States for the “Freedom”.  Americans really do love Liberty. It’s something that one no longer feels in Canada,  once called the ‘true north, strong and free’.
It was good to be reminded of our insignificance amidst so so many people. Nothing offends me more than CBC talking about Canada’s position on the ‘world stage’.  Every Canadian should be required to come to New York and stand in Rockerfeller Square and feel how little they are.  CBC has been too long a propaganda instrument with its head  seriously up it’s ass.  Travelling always helps me see the propaganda and ‘fake news’ more clearly. There’s perspective 5000 miles from home
I’m not alone in the middle of the Pacific sailing across an ocean but there really is something being in this sea of people and feeling God’s grace is ever present.
I love Jesus.  I love Christ.  This Christmas season has been a true gift. I love the spirituality that seems alive in New York City  today. The excellence in the performances here and the genius in the architecture is something to behold.  We loved the service in St. Patrick’s last night.  We had a great dinner  English pot piles and gravy mashed potatoes at Churchill’s Tavern around the corner from the Redbury.
Laura has been a wonderful companion. We both miss Gilbert but together tolerate the absence of our furry friend better.  It’s been great knowing that he’s safe with Mida and Hannah.
Oh well, more just hanging out in New York today. Laura has been buying gifts for family. She mailed her post cards from Central Park where we had kosher hotdogs. I’ve been taking pictures. Loved the New York Library building.  It feels a bit like a weekend day in Vancouver back home. We had to buy another pack sack to bring back the shirts, books and stuff I bought. I had planned to wash clothing but I found such sweet deals on shirts and socks that it was cheaper to buy than to launder.  If one lived in New York the possibility for deals is endless. It’s a place of wheeling and dealing.  There are markets on the streets and who knows what falls off trucks but this is the place with the widest range of prices.
We joke, asking why did God create WASPS , white anglo saxon prestestants, ‘Somebody had to buy retail.”  That’s the flavour of this place. I confess I like Macy’s and stores with fixed prices that are true because I don’t want to put the time into haggling but if I lived here I could see that one would have to simply because it really is an expensive city.  Millions for apartments. Like Paris and LA there’s a high end to things. We walked into Tiffany’s and they didn’t even have prices listed. “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it” came to mind.
I’m a peasant. A doctor. A physician.  A glorified guildsman.  There’s always a wealth of the George Soros and Warren Buffet set, the new monarchs and emperors.  I’m a mere working class man.  I can understand the revolutionary. There’s frustration in the elitism but I ‘don’t want a revolution’. All that happens it seems, is we get a different flavour of the month.  I’m too jaded and old.  But I’ve done well enough. The whole world is improving relative to poverty and disease.  The problem continues to be corruption more than anything else.  There’s entitlement too.  I can still be hopeful.
New York City makes one hopeful.  There’s so much life and vitality and creativity here.  I’m thankful we came.
EVIL UN  BUILDING

St. Patrick's Cathedral New York City, New Year's Day 2017

Laura and I came by St. Patrick’s last week. We’re here today early ready to go to the 5 pm music service, Sunday , 2017 New Year’s Day.  I noted that the protestant churches only had morning services suggesting Catholics are greater party animals so the church accomodates their sleeping in New Year’s Day.The protestants if anything would hold their services early on a New Year’s Day to maximize the guilt.
I figure starting a New Year’s Day at a Catholic Church can only point to better things to come.  As a protestant I figure it took the Catholics 1500 years to get it right and Martin Luther moved the church the next higher level.
I got up early, went out and brought back McDonald’s egg mc muffins for the cute little catholic still sleeping. It wasn’t until 2 pm we actually had ourselves up and out of the hotel.
Now we’re here.  I’m aware of the crowds and short a coffee or two.  Last night’s late night, trying to sleep after the ball moved, like one inch on the tv, compared to the full foot of tv fall in past years.  Really a disappointment as ball falls go but apparently better for the year round tourists who get to see this spectacular ball way up high.
On Facebook, my nephew and family look like they had more fun at Canada's Parliament.  This doesn’t speak well for New York.  We got into bed at 8 pm and didn’t leave our hotel room,  so that might have accounted for our  lack of an exciting party filled New Year’s eve.  We took the sleepy old timer approach instead.  I remember Mom getting me to bang pots and pans outside the house in Fort Garry as a kid.  Most everyone’s lights were off.  So as far as I’m concerned I made it to New York City this year. That’s a big deal. A for effort.
19 years ago and some months I was in Homewood Treatment Centre on New Year’s Eve being treated for Alcohol Abuse and PTSD. I actually turned to the guy beside me as the ball dropped and said “at least we can still drink dom perignon’.  I remember seeing how insane I was in his shocked eyes. I actually thought that the problem had been not sticking to expensive brew. I still didn’t believe that alcohol was the culprit. It changed my perspective, positively and negatively. I liked that after a few glasses of wine women’s breasts got bigger and they all look so much more beautiful.  However, it also increased my feelings of self pity and restlessness, irritability and discontent.  It certainly was more obvious in the negative affects of the partners I was with. Birds of a feather hang together and I was at that time only associated with ‘lower companions’.  It didn’t matter that they lived in high places.  As Graeme Cunningham told me , “some people run with the cheetahs and some people  run with turkeys, sounds like you’ve been running with the turkeys.'
So New York was a sort of sobriety pilgrimage.  A celebration of a life of recovery.  I suspect I could have drunk again without negative consequence. Clearly the research shows that the more years abstinent the less likely one is to have problems however who wants to find out.  I’ve been enjoying recovery too much.
Abstinence is the treatment of choice.  The WHO even says that this is the case.  There is controversy about alcohol abuse and substance abuse and how much is dependence. In AA they talk about ‘real alcoholics’.  In the Harm Reduction work it’s possible to see that many can alter their behaviour who haven’t made that shift from cucumber to pickle.
The magic number in this regard is 5 years. There’s considerable support for the idea that maybe 50 % of those who stop drinking for 5 years may return to drinking without the negative consequences of their previous excess.  Lifetime sobriety is however associated with a wide range of benefits that are hard to measure but obvious to anyone who associates with those who remain abstinent.  Like a life long fast or as St. John would call it the ‘via negative’.
And who wants to ‘control’ their drinking.  The very act of ‘controlling’ your drinking is an indication of alcoholism. I certainly don’t control my asparagus intake.  The joy of alcohol abuse in my ‘binge pattern’ was a letting my hair down after a long stretch of work and sacrifice. What has been called ‘the blue collar reward’.  I’m enjoying recovery and wouldn’t want anything else.
Also as people say in AA , “i know I’ve got another drunk in me but I don’t know if I have another recovery."
It’s certainly not necessary for a good life. I’ve had a life beyond my wildest dreams in recovery and know alcohol and drugs aren’t necessary or even beneficial for the vast majority of people. They are simply associated with so much personal illness, physically and mentally  and so much social and  community distress.  The most successful never abuse drugs or alcohol though they might well have tried them on one or two occasions.  My mother simply said “I don’t like the way it make me feel."
Today I know that feeling because even if I have to take some medication that makes me a bit groggy I don’t like the feeling.  I like being alert and aware and frankly I find this state spiritual , closest to God ,and most capable of seeing God’s working and presence in my life and those of others.
I like that St. Patrick’s is the Irish saint. I love the St. Patrick’s Breastplate Prayer.  Laura and I loved our time in Ireland a couple of years back both of us a bit ‘fay’ because of the celtic blood that runs through us.
We’re going to go to St. Patrick’s early now to give praise and thanksgiving.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have Mercy on Me, A sinner.


 

Saturday Morning Journalling in Vancouver

I didn’t wake until nearly 9 am.  Normally I’m up at 7 so that’s really called sleeping in.  Laura was already up.  She had taken my fur alarm clock for a walk and were just returning wet from the rainy outdoors while I was going into the apartment bathroom.
“He peed and pooped and then wanted to come right back home. It was pouring and I tried to cover him with my umbrella. He dragged me on the leash back here.” she said.
Gilbert is a comfort dog.  When I’m hunting with Gilbert he prefers the truck to the ATV.  He’s keen to romp in the woods but loves returning to the warmth and comfort of the truck.  Smart dog.
Gilbert has been sleeping on the bed little feet twitching as he runs in the warmth of his dreams.
I’ve been sitting up on the bed Laura made while I was in the washroom.
She’s made me several coffees, brought eggs and toast with marmalade and generally spoiled me.
Meanwhile I’ve been caught up in Facebook.
Fidel Castro died on Black Friday, ironically the most capitalistic day of the year.  He was 90. Only the good die young.  A deeply evil man he killed thousands with firing squads and ran a one man police state.  He was one of the great killers and dictators of the 20th century the century ever to be remembered by failed communist countries killing hundreds of millions and jailing more, over and over again.  Stalin at very least saved his country from invasion by his former Socialist friend Adolf Hitler. But his reign of terror was like Castros’.  Meanwhile Castro was a friend of Pierre Trudau, the worst prime minister Canada has known from his invoking the war measures act to his national energy bill to his economic debacle that impoverished the country for decades.  Amazing what a red carnation symbol can do.  Cigar smoking Castro was celebrated for his health care and education system by his leftist cronies who failed to mention his jails and firing squads and theft of all the wealth of the  working man.
I saw the refugees who had escaped from Cuba having seen their families killed. I’ve talked to Cubans and am not surprised that there was dancing in the streets of Florida where the most Cubans live, thousands ,tens of thousands dancing and singing when they learned that Castro was dead.  Trudeau naturally didn’t comment on this.  And everyone in Cuba but the police live in fear.   Cubans  might well have been singing “Ding Dong the Witch is dead” because everyone knew of his killing and his despotism, except Justin Trudeau who skipped history to snowboard with his trust fund economic account.
There is always ‘romance’ with the rebel. The women can’t explain their sexual attraction to the ‘bad boys’.  It’s like good men who fall for the classic honey pot of the hookers.  Lust and death go hand in hand.
Cuba is freed from Castro though his family in classic despotism reign.  Were Hitler to have won and lived no doubt we’d have seen his children taking power.  Stalin’s wife killed herself, his daughter escape to the US, begging the Capitalist Pigs asylum from her brutal father.
Justin Trudeau loved his daddy’s killer buddy.  One an effete communist intellecual, the other a murderous communist despot.  Little Trudeau just flew to Cuba to see his communist second family.  He’s already visited the Chinese despot.  George Sorros the Nazi turned Communist , always capitalist billionaire has Justin in his pocket.  The Multi Millionaire Canadian Communist Strong started the UN IPCC so Canadians must suffer under a snow boarder drama teachers ignorance of science and demonization of carbon the foundation of humanity, and CO2 the life blood of plants.  As Trudeau skipped history and science classes Canadians are just stuck with his daily drama, all that he knows.  Selfie’s clicking and another shirtless Trudeau sexting.
It’s all hypocrisy.
I read through my Face Book feeds and having listened to CBC news and am appalled that my taxes outrageous and exorbitant beyond belief worse than even full fledged communist countries go to such deceit and propaganda.
I can’t shake the feeling I’m in a pre WW3 time with my leadership backing HItler and Stalin and Mussolini.  Merkel’s platitudes are dying in reality and Europe is turning against the ideological platitudes of the day.  France remains under martial law because of Muslim jihadists and refugee sexual violence.  All these intellectuals who smoke pot and do drugs and come up with ways for everyone to live to suit their fantasies are caught in the dying light of their once bright ideas. .
I did read a marvellous Psychology Today article on Misandry, the hatred of men, and a sub text on Feminism as Misandry.  Feminist Trudeau says men should be as self loathing as him and I can’t help but remember that his mother was a notorious drug addict and sex addict.  Now she’s cleaned up her history by claiming the generic term of ‘mentally ill’.  But what was the chicken and what was the egg. The fact remains she was a drug addict long before anyone realized how crazy drugs could make a person.  Now every drug addict is called Bipolar.
Meanwhile Laura has shown me the picture of her relative’s cat who likes to go hunting with him.He lives in Northern BC, a rural person.
Trump is picking his cabinet. So far all his choices have been incredible. I was really impressed with him when he picked Pence as his VP.  I vowed to buy Laura an Ivanka dress, not just because we like her designs but because there was a call to boycott her work because her father Donald Trump had won the election. How petty and offensive the Left is with their riots and destruction of property still going on in Canada and the States.  Nothing is more ludicrous  than leftist thugs. carrying Gandhi and Martin Luther books while they break into Electronic stores to steal plasma tvs claiming it’s a ‘demonstration’.  This is the fundamental problem of phenotype and genotype or rhetoric and logic.
Yesterday after work Laura and I did take advantage of the Black Friday sales.  Ivanka dresses are sold at Nordstroms and the Bay. Laura found one she loved in crushed velvet on black friday sale for $79 dollars. At Moores I got two sport jackets for the price of one. I now have three lines of clothing based on my expanding girth.  I have made an early resolution to exercise more, eat less,  my body unlikely to last till the Official New Year’s Resolution time.
After shopping we stopped for coffee downtown enjoying people watching. Laura had a hot chocolate. The streets were lit up for Christmas.  We caught the first packed show of Arrival at Scotia Theatre. Great “Timely” sci fi.  We both loved it.  After we walked Robson Street and had Sushi at Robson and Thurlow, Sushi Yan. We’d both not been there for years but it was still as good as ever.  Quite a treat for us because we don’t eat out often especially in winter because restaurants aren’t dog friendly.
Gilbert was back home hanging out with George his cat buddy. Laura sees them playing ball together and lying together when she comes in and surprises them. When we’re around George acts all diffident though occasionally plays his game of blocking Gilbert getting to the food dish or sitting in front to his ball. When I go to see what’s happening George acts perfectly innocent.
I’m still struggling with my brother’s death. It’s like my life has been on hold and now it’s starting up again.  Laura is reading a New York Guide Book. I’ve been enjoying the University New York Historical Society series on audio driving too and from work. I’m reading Edward Rutherford’s New York and was amused at the synchronicity when a patient told me this week he was reading the same and we were actually at the same place in the book and like a couple watching soap operas got chatting about the fictional characters and  factual events. “You have to read Sarum. Rutherford is one of my all time favourite authors. I am loving New York but I really think Sarum is still his best.”
I’m loving New York and finding Rutherford to write like a modern day Michener. I’ve read all of Michener and loved them all so now I’ll probably start reading all of Rutherford.  So many of my patients have been to or lived in New York and it’s been fascinating to hear how the city affected their narratives.
I am looking forward to visitting AA Central Office and Stepping Stones in New York..  There’s Trinity and St. Patricks and the New Year’s ball. I’ve got tickets on line to the Salome Opera, Philharmonic,  CATS and Carole King and Presence with Kate Blanchete.  I so enjoyed the art galleries in St. Petersburg and it was in New York more than 40 years ago I loved touring the Whitby and MET falling in love with Marc Chagall whose work I first saw there.  My second wife and I saw Lauren Bacall and Jeremy Irons on the Broadway stage one of those unforgettable life moments and performances. I love live theatre and live performances.  I loved especially  going with my first wife to the theatre in London. We sat in the cheapest seats  but got to see Noel Coward plays, and Alec Guiness and Maggie Smith on stage.
This week I had a true blessing, a gift of a Caroline Scagel print of Gilbert in a side car motorcycle in one of her whimsical  Marc Chagall like Canadian settings. The painting is on silk and I just love this print. Caroline Scagel’s gallery is called Toller Studios on Maine Island.
Asking my brother what he wanted to do and hearing that all he really wanted was more time with his amazing and loving family, my sister in law and nephews, I thought of my own ‘bucket list’ and New York came to mind. It was tempting to go to Mexico or Hawaii again for the warm.  But   I went to Turkey ‘off season’ a couple of years ago and don’t regret it one bit though it was rainy and cold with snow in Cappadocia.  The History and Art and Mosques and Capadocia country side with fairy chimneys and underground churches remains so unforgettably moving to me. This is not to say the most beautiful beaches in the world on the Mariana Islands could ever lose their appeal to a Canadian who has known real winter.  Return as a tourist to Saipan is certainly on my bucket list.
I was really glad to hear my Democratic Congressman friend was re elected. When there are people as loving as caring as he is I am glad people can still vote for the man even if I don’t respect the leader.   I was a Liberal for 20 years and am just really sorry that the party remained a Quebec party claiming national concerns.  That’s not to say I don’t have my Liberal friends and despite thinking they have superego lacunae in this one regard admire them in all other aspects.
Laura’s never been to New York so it’s a real thrill for her.  I took my timid second wife there, my first wife being by contrast a real adventurer and we bicycled across Europe together.  My second wife loved cities though and was a great companion visitting art galleries.
I really have been blessed in life though have known great challenges, trials, tribulations and sorrow. So much work. I’m tired now I’m older and if anything the forces of evil , the atheists and the corrupt wasters seem more prevalent.
I felt safe when Harper and Martin and Chretien and Mulroney were prime ministers. I don’t feel safe today. I wonder if my own personal aging isn’t something I’m projecting onto government as the scientifically ignorant  baby boomer leftist  elite have projected their imminent demise  grandiosely onto the planet with their silly theiving climate change cults and pre dementia return to pot smoking and hippy platitudes.
I hope my anxiety is just truly a measure of my distance from God.  I feel I pray and meditate too little. I ‘m always so busy.  I exercise too little. I indulge myself in food and entertainment and long for an advanced sex robot like a Cherry 2000 though really Laura is a great companion. Frankly  I’ve had the sexiest women in the world as wives and lovers. But Cherry 2000 could be programmed to clean the house, feed her man grapes and provide daily desires at verbal command.   When I’m in my intellectual mode I think of the laziest ways of sexual gratification because frankly as an intellectual I am forever angry at my mother for cutting the umbilical cord.  That’s why Leftist intellectuals want to be on the State Tit.
I guess this is what Trudeau  hopes from Muslim women.  When he gets Sharia law legalized and beating women, the Muslim way,  legislated in  Canada we can imagine  Sophie will stop exposing so much skin to the camera.  One of the main reasons for the Niqab and Burka is for wives to conceal their bruises.
 I know a lot of men who thought their Asia wives would work out for them this way. However there does seem to be a female genetic trait of individuality and reason which I have unfortunately admired.  I do love freedom and I have loved that women have loved me freely.   But then I’m an idealist and for a lot of men and women even marriage  is just ‘institutionalized prostitution’ . Feminists see it as lust between adults whereas traditionally marital love was so akin to Agape that Pope Paul John wrote a bulletin describing it as sacrament.  In the Bible the Song of Songs is the great book of erotic love.
I love the acceptance of my bible believing friends who trust authority as God’s and that there is a plan that will unfold and that we are saved. I am troubled though that most of Jesus’s disciples were martyred.  And I really don’t like pain and am at core a coward despite the many occasions I’ve stood up, making myself a target and suffered for fighting the lonely fights for underdogs and the abused.  On dozens of occasions I’ve risked my life to save the lives of others. I’ve faced gangs to stop women being raped fighting to pull girls from attackers and taking serious hits in the process.  I argue strongly that if you haven’t any ‘scars’ you’re not going to heaven. If you have scars on only one side of your body you’ve only been at the sidelines.I’ve got scars everywhere because I waded into the middle.  And now I look back and wonder why I did that.  Older I’m trying to avoid the world.
I love my east indian friend who described picking up a baseball bat to fight off the bullies trying to hurt his wife and children.
Now the enemy just ‘takes my precious time’.  Everyone in Canada is facing some time of beurocratic interference.  When you count  the number of regulations and realize how everything is taxed, see how many police, jails, and asylums, social “homes" we have and how many people are poor and struggling financially you really can appreciate how Castro taking over his country introduced his police state and demonic economic polices that destroyed the productive.  But being communist it’s always somebody else’s fault.  The left ‘blame game’.  Canada is now so far left of centre as to tip over any day now.  It’s that unbalanced.
I’m a failure to myself but wonder about my high standards. I still loved Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest and admire the greatest humans like the mariner explorer, Shakleton.
In my personal life I’ve been blessed to have amazing mentors from Dr. Carl Ridd at University of Winnipeg, Dr. Allan Ronald,  Dr. Arnold Naimark, Dr. Bill Bebchuck, Dr. Nady el Guebaly, Dr. Bernie, Dr. Hank , Dr. Williei, Dr. Phillip Ney, Dr. Dick, Dr. Art  and Dr. Tom and James Houston.  I read the biography of Colonel Hatfield our incredible Canadian Astronaut who not only went to space but manned the Space Station and sang David Bowies Colonel Tom from outer space.  The men I’ve known have been of this ilk, So far beyond me in their personal lives and achievements but so kind as to share and help a fellow human. I’ve been truly blessed.  I’ve known as many angels in my life like Cheryl,  Carole,  Bobby and closer to home, Maria Gomorri, Dr. Barb, Rev. Clark, Andria, but it’s the men I’ve tried to emulate. As my father taught me hunting, bicycling and shaving and my brother taught me motorcycles and canoeing so I’ve followed in the footsteps of these leaders of men and been truly impressed by their genius and big hearts. I’ve been blessed to know so many greater in my work and recreation.  I’m so utterly thankful for all my education and a life of learning.
I told a friend that I truly loved the painting but the frame was sordid and that saddened me.  These days I’m asking what stops me from being the best person I can be.  There seems less and less time to be the best person I can be and I’ve really been trying to do this in a variety of ways all my life.  I ‘m certainly skilled and I certainly have had a lot of awards and recognition.  I’ve even had a bit of infamy which I don’t like but realize was what others have experienced who stood up. Being different gets a chicken with a black feather savaged by the other stupid chickens.  Stupid people frighten me and there are a lot more stupid people than smart people. Worse the stupidest are made  to think they are smart by the wiles of the smart who award and give the stupid badges.  There’s nothing more dangerous than a stupid person in uniform.
I may be a stupid person.  I’m always self questioning and self doubting. Even when I was going through medical school I was questioning my decision. I left university in undergrad because I thought that the administration was a propaganda organ yet I came back and went on to teach knowing that this was partly true but so what.  I’ve learned to be less uncompromising and less judgemental.  Aging is a real time of mellowing. I realize I was really stupid when I was younger but I sure had a lot more energy.
Now I’m quite satisfied but accept that life is suffering unto death and anxiety is a measure of my distance from God. I am ever crying out for God and leading my life in as Godly a way as I can but I’m soiled with life and age and pretty beaten down by the game. I really felt the Glass Bead Game by Herman Hesse captured this aspect of truth just like Walden Pond confronts our consumer society.  I enjoyed hearing Zero Sum Game in the movie Arrival.
I’ve given all to the company store and now sucked dry  I also have to accept that nothing is good enough for the State or the State Committees because they are insatiably addicted to power but equally suffer extreme inferiority complex which cause them to avoid personal accountability. Thats a weakness ethically in the corporate model, a modern medieval reinvention of the Lords and Ladies. I am waiting to be cast off knowing the callousness of institutions and institutionalized men and women.  The Committee .  It’s like Kafka’s Castle.  But on a good day I hope to live as my father and mother lived long enough to enjoy retirement. But Trudeau has broken all his promises and the State promise of the reward of retirement is apparently no different than what the State has done for all too many of the Vets. Obama is even now demanding claw back from Vets after they served claiming he overpaid them.  Hillary in Watergate destroyed the pensions of the med west farmers and workers without any thought but for her Chelsea who not surprisingly married a banker..
The closed ballot and the true election process was a cornerstone of liberty but today no one cares for freedom. it’s all about consumerism.
I like to consume too.  I’ve experienced extreme poverty and sickness and prefer moderate well being.  What I really must work more at is avoiding ‘comparing my insides with others outsides’. As Milton always said, “When I look in a mirror I realize the problem is me and I’m looking at it.”  There is a farcical nature to Canadian politics right now so if only I could elevate my perspective I could be belly laughing all day at the foolishness of it all.  That might get me locked up but it sure beats despair.  And as the great pro life champion Dr. Ney would say, the world is full of bitter old people.  Being positive in negative times is really rather original and creative.
Here I am today able to sit at this Apple laptop computer journalling, a day off from a hectic week, well fed , warm and with my dog and beautiful friend.
The world is unfolding as it is.  Today is a blessing. Tomorrow is not yet here. I even have more adventure to consider today.  Thank you God for all your blessings. Thank you for my family , friends, my work and all those I can help and serve. Help me in my work. Help me to be a better doctor. Help me to grow old more gracefully. Help me to take more care of my own health and better care for this body I have let grow fat and lazy.  Help me to be a better master to my dog and a better friend.  Thank you for rest as well as work. Guide me in the troubles that come with working with the most insane, and most addicted and the stigma of a doctor among society’s  Lepers. Help me to help those marginalized by society. Help me to be wiser, more loving and more discerning.
Thank you  esus for this day and all the wonders of God’s creation.


 

Armageddon and Canada Day

Just last week several people from disparate walks of life talked to me about the alpha and omega.  They were concerned about world catastrophe, market crashes and end of the world scenarios.  They're mainstream moderates.  The crazies are getting to them.
I've never been the same since the Kennedy Missile Crisis.  Having some crazy woman tell us to practice getting under our desks or lining up ass to nose with other grade school students curled in a ball against the hall walls took away my trust in the world.
Yet that was so many decades ago and we've not blown ourselves up.  Fact is we're doing pretty good.  I reassure people mostly. I am a survivalist. I'm prepared in so many ways for Armageddon, wilderness medicine doc, off shore sailor, hunter, fisher, homesteader, scientist, a whole collection of skills that don't help too much in the economic world today but would make me a much sought after somebody post apocalypse.
We just watched the tv series, post Terrorist nuclear bombing of American cities, Jericho. Great show of best case scenario, all the bad stuff, gangs, rape and cannibalism happening with Shakespearean delicassey off stage. It was a terrific show with great characters and really deep community and family relationship writing.  Now we're watching the Outcasts, an English series , post apocalyptic about a new home for the earthlings who escaped the troubles and now are trying to survive on the planet Carpathia.  Great story, great acting.
Good entertainment.
The Jihads were going on in the time of crusades. The Chinese have been a war threat as long but their inherrent capitalism goes against the waste of all out war.  We had the Cold War with Russia and the West and now we have gangsterism around the world and competing arms dealers among the world's leading countries. It's just franchises and business as usual. Nothing terribly noble in sales since 'Death of a Salesman'.  The company doesn't take care of the workers even as well as feudal times which we call the dark ages but were they.  There's aloneliness and fear today that probably wasn't present when everyone knew each other from childhood..
A time of strangers. People don't even want to know what they eat and it's not even Solyent Green yet.
I stood in the rubble of the Armageddon dig in Israel. I think all Christians and Jews should pilgrimage there. Armageddon was a town at one time before it became a symbol.  It lasted a long time as long as any town did in the days of war lords. Now we have cities that are beyond anything that went before.  It's hard to  destroy cities.  Look at London.  Berlin is rebuilt.. Jerusalem and Mecca still stand.  Even Athens is muddling along. I love Mexico City, New York and Tokyo, and Hong Kong
What concerns me is those who say that humans are the parasites on the planet and should be wiped out. These are the eco terrorist suicide bomber ideas.  Kill the humans to save the mosquitos and cockroaches.  That's the nihilism that worries me.
There's a self loathing today and a denigration of human life. it's like the Holocaust reductionism of prisoners as bar codes.  With all the reality tv we're plagued with superstitions about Ghaia some earth goddess who sacrifices herself on the cross till one day she dies.  Forgive me but the earth has withstood far more than a few hydro carbons.  Men and women, children, and the sick will die alot sooner.  I don't think the planet huggers even care for their own and people who don't care for their own can't be trusted to care for each other.
Maltheus said that starvation, war and disease were the great correctors to human advance.  Just when Europe seemed as bad as the west was today Columbus and Marco Polo opened trade globally.  North America was as far fetched an idea then as Mars expedition and sentient dolphins are today.
I believe. I have hope. If Armageddon were just around the corner I think we all would have gone down in the Kennedy Missile Crisis or what the heck, maybe even the Rwanda Massacres.  That's more of what we need to be afraid of.  The Vancouver Riots over a hockey game speak to the mentality of the sports page whereas hundreds of thousands of Canadians were well behaved on Canada day.  That's politics and community.  .
We've got to get beyond playing games and realize Armageddon has come and gone.  That said there's a spirituality to living and spirituality is all about growing love within and celebrating life.