William Hay, Writer: Home from Europe Feb

Feb. 25 to March 25, 2022. Travel: Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Oxford, London, Paris

We arrived home on Air France at YVR. We’d left Charles Degalle Airport at 1030 arriving here 1230 having got up at 4 am. We were exhausted when we went to bed at 10 pm after a 30 plus hour day. We watched Mom to wind down eating Me and Ed’s pizza. I loved being in my own bed. I loved that I was home.

I am astonished at all the fears that were allayed all along. That last 24 hours we went through the roller coaster of arranging covid testing. We did home testing first then arranged with a lovely pharmacist in the Latin Quarter to do it formally.. Each time it was like waiting for a final exam score, STD test, pregnancy test or spark plug to fire. Suspense then elation. If we hadn’t been negative we would have been quarantined outside of Canada for another 5-10 days. We wanted to be home. The thought of our government arbitrarily denying our return to Canad was intimately terrifying,

We got to the airport. We always worry we’ll sleep in, the taxi won’t come, the plane will be delayed, there will be problems with our bags. It’s a myriad of things. Constant details. We made each step doable, With God’s Grace. On the plane we didn’t have diarrhea or cough paroxysms or have a back go into spasm or medical emergencies that required intervention. We didn’t crash. Everything I worry about tends to have happened in the past so it’s not just imaginative. Older you’ve done a lot of things. Everything can happen and you pray that good comes. All shall be well. It’s good being with Laura as she shares my faith though worries more. Worrying is wishing for negatives. I register the possible wrongs, what control I have and aim for the good space.

Then I’m so thankful when the plane lands in Vancouver. I’m thankful that our bags are at the carousel. I was thankful for the sunshine. Mostly I was thankful to see my home unviolated, my Harley still there, my truck in it’s place, the water turned on running, the heat coming on, the propane flowing. Nothing bad in the home. Nothing wrong. Then i was great to shower in my own shower. I was thankful to see a friend alive and to know my neighbours had watched my home and cared for my safety,

The routine of living and the taking things for granted are changed more by going camping or a trip than by anything else. Winning the lottery doens’t do it. Coming home and suddenly going from living out of a bag in a foreign country to having your own place, your old identity. Everything and more.

I was so happy that the Mini Cooper started. It was eureka when I found where I’d hidden keys. It was wonderful to drive to a bank where I’ve put money for decades saving a portion of my income rather than spending it all. Living within my means and saving for a rainy day. It was a major event to save money to pay the price of air tickets and hotels and have the credit cards and foreign money to take Laura for a month with me to Europe.. No paid vacation. No incoming money. Just planning and work and sacrifice. I missed the government job and the paid vacations and coming back to that but that’s envy and the positives of different aspects of my past were outweighed by negatives. I had to learn a lot of gratitude. I had to learn to compare not against the best but reasonably against the worst as well. . Consumer society always promotes the idea it could be better with a bigger car , whatever. I’m old enough to appreciate what I have. It’s all perspective. The zen of perspective is the wealth of the world. So many rich and powerful people take what they have for granted. More is the halcyon cry of the consumer. I’m so thankful I’ve grown wise in bits and pieces that today I appreciate my Mini Cooper and don’t long for a Mercedes. I wouldn’t mind a Min Countryman but it’s slight variations on a theme that affect my world on internal comparisons. When I lived on a sailboat we called it ‘two foot itis’. Wouldn’t it be great if I had a boat 2 foot longer or 2 foot wider. My life is great.

Coming back from a month of travel I was so thankful to have my wheels and independence. I was so thankful that I could go to a bank and withdraw the money to pay for the home care of my little companion Madigan. I thought of the guy the whole time I was away but was thankful for the break because I couldn’t take him to museums and galleries and a dog is a huge responsibility. I appreciate people who have children because single people underestimate the commitment and rejoicing that comes with connection. I appreciated all that.

It was such a joy to see that I had a friend Karen who could be trusted with my baby and to pick up my baby and find him happy and well. To know a person who can be trusted to care for your dog is beyond the beyond. To see the little guy happy healthy and well and to take him home. Immediately he’s a terror ‘humping Laura. “He’s a hummer,” Karen said. I remember Aim faced with Gilbert, Madigan’s predecessor cockapoo, they go through a year of ‘bumper phase’. Teen boy dog. Around 2 they drop it. Even now Madigan’s not as psychotic as he was a month ago. Hardly acknowledged me. Loves the girls. I’m only going to be special when there’s no distraction.

Madigan the Humper. I wished Aim could talk to Karen. Laura and Aim laughed. They’ve raised boys. As a guy we don’t appreciate the distinction.

I’m home and now I’ve a car. The girl friend is still there. Laura has been my companion for a month and now is still with me while my dog is having sex with her leg. I’m blessed.

I notice when I get home the place is a mess. Floor could be cleaner. Untidy. I was really at the ropes end through winter. Just getting done. Trudging forward. Work demands overwhelming emotionally. So much anxiety and depression and medications aren’t going to deal with an evil PM and a world gone mad. Lockdowns and political science and more and more Stalinesque and Mao cultural revolutions. Little people in big roooms making big ideas when they’re living on a space station and don’t walk in the world I live . Elitism. War in the Ukraine.

I’m struggling with the idea that what I think is what I focus on outside. I’m working desperately to live in the day and have a mind that’s a garden to weed the daily deluge of waste I hear in work and repair walls and boundaries, overwhelmed by the dying and despair. I lost three of my closest friends and my brother in too few years. Grief is this age. I’m older now and getting away seeing the world from a thousand miles away made it possible to return. I’m blessed and thankful with this existence. I was working day to day and week to week and now I’m okay with where I am whom I’m with and what I’m doing. I don’t want to hop on the harley alone and run away.

I’m so thankful to be surrounded by such blessings. The city air was good when we came home. I liked the blue sky. I liked the glass buildings. I liked the world I live in, this creation, the friends and people I work with and live with.

My neighbour dropped off the plant I’d asked her to watch. It was alive and well too. What a joy!!!!

We crashed in sleep. It’s all memory now, A Month of travel and I’m here so happy to be home. So thankful for Burnaby. Thinking now of camping. I’ve a camper and need to see if it’s repaired. Plan to go camping for a long weekend. I like getting Madigan out in the woods off leash. I love looking up at the stars through the camper roof. I’ll pick up steaks or something like that and barbecue. I miss my barbecues. We’ve had great meals. The breakfasts travelling are the best. But I love my home cooking and I love being with Laura and Madigan. Everyone speaks English here. That’s so nice.

I’ve walked Madigan a round the block several times .I crashed at 10 and woke at 1 and we did a tour of the neighbourhood . I loved the routine. I loved the safety. I didn’t feel like walking around the block at night in the cities. Home I feel safe. I love that I know this place and have so many options. The wealth of my routine is unbelievable.

I’ve not been without at all.

Everything I planned came true. The scheduling and planning all paid off. We had our great hotels. I climbed Arthur’s seat. I went to the museums and galleries. I visitted the Hay Castles. I celebrated a birthday. I was with a beautiful girl and friend. We loved the opera, Summer’s Night. And the ballet Swan Lake, and Oxford town and the Book of Mormon musical and the National Galleries and the statues, pickadilly, and Eurostar and shopping for presents. I love the Scottish Scarf Laura bought me for my birthday, my Harris Tweed. She loved the purses I bought her. I liked sending scarves to the girls and toys to the kids. I loved all the ‘tasks’ and ‘challenges’ finding boxes wrapping and sending presents home, then Eurostar and Paris and the Louvre and Musee’Orsay, Arc de Triomph, Maison Sauvage. Such a wonderful vacation, such an incredible learning. Reading many books on archeology, genetics, genealogy, art, art history, education, engineering, history, and culture. All the while studying. See the achievements of men and women in the galleries and museums. Being rewarded by seeing that Canadian media is still so far off. Righting the disinformation by seeing London and Paris and learning first hand the propaganda that is Canadian media today and the foolishness of our central government with our own Kim ruler, all the silliness so apparent when you see what London and Paris are doing and the amazing numbers and success of human endeavours. People are amazing and Canadian leaders are so arrogant. Every where on our vacation little people did acts of kindness and care. We were personally individually treated well. So many of the media held predjudices and biases of the arrogant intellectuals didn’t apply. People were people and good and I was blessed.

I’m thinking that I’m getting treated well as a ‘old person’. There’s finally some advantage to being ‘old’. In Canada my government treats me as a pariah and euthanasia is all the rage with Ottawa’s child god but around the world I saw old like me and we were blessed. I loved the old men and women walking dogs safe in the city. I thought how important it was to walk last night around the neighbourhood. But here in Canada law and order aren’t important to the clown. Instead all taxpayers resources are thrown at the good civilians with guns, denied self protection while the gangs and criminals are promoted in Gotham City Ottawa. I saw good everywhere. I loved not reading the news, avoiding the media swings and the politics.

I loved the Mona Lisa. I loved the Van Gogh. I loved the St. Machar’s. I loved all this wonders of human creation and always there’s been bumblers and fools. Europe has hundreds and thousands of years. I was in the place where the French guillotined the King. I was in Edinburgh and London where leaders were imprisoned. I gained renewed respect for people. The people have power and use it and elsewhere there’s respect for people we’ve not seen here. Democracies teach leaders to respect he people. The dictatorships fear the revolutions. The west is slow to anger by contrast. We are blessed . i loved being in Paris and London and so appreciate what I felt there I didn’t feel in Kuala Lampur where the architectures was as fine but people weren’t like those in Singapore. I love the ‘freedom’s’ and felt the evil attacking the hobbit world but I sure appreciated hobbit world. I’m back now in the hobbit world and it’s good.

It’s wonderful to be home sitting on my couch about to make another cup of coffee with the canned milk I had and the honey I have stockpiled and the glorious Ethiopian coffee beans. I’ve had all these things but I’ve had to make more effort. I have my pleasures here. I”m surrounded by blessings. I was blessed that everything went well and I had another glorious time despite all the moving parts and all the possibilities for errors. I feel like I’ve been in NASA and we’ve had a flight to the moon and back. It’s home made. It’s microcosm. It’s wonderful. I’ve done so much I only dreamed of and I ‘ve shared it with Laura who is a beautiful companion and we’re both getting old but there’s hope and we did it.

I once rode bicycles across Europe with back packs and tents and youth hostels as a 20 year old.

I’ve just done a month of plane flights, 5 star hotels, first class train rides as a 70 year old in the time of covid. We’ve done the best dementia test possible. So many details and yet we’ve done it. I’m 70. Laura’s in her 60’s. I feel it’s been a great adventure and expedition and vacation. I’m renewed and thankful and yes it’s cost a lot and taken a lot of work and planning. I could have bought a new motorcycle or something else. Each person has their choice and designs. When I owned a mansion I wearied of the roof repairs and all the taxes and that so much went into that house. I had houses and I sometimes regret having houses but I’m thankful I’ve chosen travel over alternatives. I’m thankful for the adventure. I’m thankful for the exposure to culture. I’m thankful that every day I wrote of my experiences .I’m thankful for the photography. It would be even better if like Anil I sketched .I loved his pictures of Italy. One day perhaps I’ll record with a pencil as I once did. The camera and the computer are so much faster and yet I remember a time when I had more time and more patience and less desire as Buddha for more than watching the river. That’s waiting older. Now I’ve been able to haul bags up and down train stations and go through all the Beurocracy and avoid the theft and get safely from one city to another always not losing Laura who is that child often in her own mind who falls behind but next moment is attentive to a detail that saves the days. I loved her tracking the weather and reading over and over all the government changing rules and regulations. The self testing covid morning was such a tension relief. We pray together. We talk to our dead. We have animals visit us in our sleep . We know our grandparents and parents are watching over us. We live in a multi dimensional reality. We share this space. Now we have our little fool Madigan back with us and it’s good to be a weird family. It’s good to be alive today. It’s good to be rested. I know it’s fragile. I know there’s countless challenges. It’s just that now it’s good. I’m so thankful for my birthday and this holiday that helped me come to terms with it just being another day and I don’t have to retire. I don’t have to make big changes. I just need to get a cleaning lady and do more swimming and get more exercise and take better care of myself. I might even have to address the back pain. I’m getting older but all the walking was so good.

Thank you god. I loved the sermon in Oxford. Addressing The Cloud of Unknowing.