God

I arise today and think of god. God is infinite. I am finite.  I had positive dreams, peaceful people, in a peaceful place. Most everyone is young, somewhere in their thirties.  A busy time in my own life. But a time I didn’t think much of death though I was afraid.There’s an innocence in the 20’s and the jadedness begins in the 50’s.  I remember I became invisible in the 60’s.  

I feel lost and confused at times and turn to God always. St. Paul said pray unceasingly and I do.  Help me to know that will and give me the power to carry this out.  

In broad strokes I’m serving and have always served God. I once felt so arrogant as to think I had gone outside God’s love but I’d just left the known and entered the alien.  A cold place, almost prehistoric, with AI and lizards.  The warm blooded seemed gone.  Then I returned and listened to the language of the heart. 

She is beautiful. A lovely soul.  He is beautiful.  It’s a Don Quixote world.

I think of God as Jesus. He comes to me as master. I call him Lord. I also experience God as mother Mary.  There’s the trinity, father, son and Holy Spirit. I often pray ‘holy spirit come’.  

In this life I work to serve and today I will hope to heal and use my intellect, training and experience along with medications and recommendations to answer the questions of those who come to me.  I am a cog in a wheel.  I’m part of a vast network. I’ve worked in many places within and like the front lines as a clinician turning down leadership and such positions as others clamor for the higher pay and greater glory.  In another life I might have chosen those routes but now Im like a monk in a vast monastery lighting incense, doing laundry, gardening.

I have my companion the great cockapoo Madigan who I’ll have to walk soon. 

It’s been raining heavily and he hardly wanted to go out for his morning pee.  

God is good all of the time.

The news is never good, more fear and threats and yet we all know that life is grey , the black and white balancing.  There are waves and circles and time and time again.

Thank you God for this day.  Please heal my body which aches and is stiff from my fall and tumble from the ATV on the side of the mountain days ago.  Thank you that so little harm was done.  Thank you for the cleaning ladies and organization. 

I have an issue of bank ing to solve with TD and work.  That will occasion a trip. My car needs to be taken in.  The truck with full box is big for the city and a real challenge to find parking.  Bank and car repairs.  Those are the messages of the wee small voice today.  I naturally procrastinate but must not. Phone calls to be made at 9 when work begins and I’m otherwise committed. There’s a sense of never enough time and every day all that needs to be done gets done.  I’m moving forward.

Thank you Jesus .  Thank You 

I have a meeting tonight and look forward to that.

Daily reflections ;  Oct. 18. ‘True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith’.   

Thy will be done.

The new sober me is a much better person than I could be without A.A.

I didn’t like the drinking crowd. I was a binge drinker and did what needed to be done but those I was with were great on talk and low on action and took advantage of people I had false expectations and said Namaste but the drinking folk were so afraid as to be everyone for themselves.  I don’t suppose I became that alienated but I did betray my true self and was aware that I was sitting around smoking marijuana and drinking wine when I could be finding the cure for cancer or world peace. I still feel I’m not writing the great novel and am much aware of ‘sins of omission.’  My sins of commission were few though all my sins were against God.  I didn’t fulfil promises in love as I left my partners when they cheated, lied, tried to kill me, and wanted me to be the Ken in their Barbie dreams. I recently watched that movie with Margot Robbie and enjoyed it.  So often others have wanted me to be an actor in their drama and been so angry when I left after they had spent time manipulating, conniving and making false promises.  I found the world too loud at times and needed to be alone with nature. My work is hearing the complaints department of life and making a case for life though MAID is now the competition and so easy and fulfilling for the killing set who masquerade as caring. There’s such deceit today.  

I’m always asking if I am being true and honest and if I have an open mind.  Thy will, not my will be done.  I struggle with following God of Jesus.  But then I balk at the giving up of possessions.  My judgemental friends look at life with wealth and judge all manner of things but never consider the rich man and Jesus’s admonitions. We don’t think of ourselves as rich.  I am selective in my comparisons.  I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams and yet I so often want more and lack gratitude. 

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you Lord.