Yuma, Dec. 26

Laura made a fabulous Christmas Day feast in the camper. I’d shopped Christmas Eve at the terrific Fry’s grocery on Fortuna.  She had ne light the gas oven and put the prepared stuffing in. It took 40 minutes.  She put huge chunks of smoked ham and cooked turkey in with the stuffing to heat it.  Somehow she found the aluminum foil in the camper. Then she made yam and potato and carrots boiled together and mashed. The taste was to die for.  She heated up the turkey gravy from Fries and buttered the little rolls. The gravy went on everything, I said grace with the feast laid out on the table wondering how she’d managed in so little space.  She did. The meal was magnificent.  I’d got the turkey from the butcher, normally served as slices, she’d given me a 2 inch wide chunk. I’d bought the Hamm as back up but Laura heated them both up and the meal was perfect.  Laura had a lime soda and I had Coca Cola.  Madigan was in heaven getting bits of turkey and ham.  

After the main meal we had pumpkin pie with whipped cream. When we were all sated , sleepy and having trouble moving we concluded that Madigan liked the ham and whipped cream best. He left a chunk of turkey in his bowl but everything else was consumed,  

“Leftovers for a week,” Laura said putting food away in the refridgerator after I bagged it in resealable .  We’d chosen to have dinner early. It was still light out. I took Madigan for a walk in the desert. Both of us waddled.  

That day I just happened to catch the daily noon Zoom AA meeting.  The local group continued the zoom they’d begun with Covid while their regular meetings is a 3 30 pm a mile or two up Frontage road in a church basement by Foothills. I expect to find it some Friday on my Harley.  The cyberdocs meeting was announced on Friday so I attended that too. It was at 2.  It’s Monday and Friday but carried on despite Christmas being on Monday.   I known these folk for nearly a quarter century,  We began with emails and moved to zoom a few years back with Covid. We’d met in person annually mostly thanks to Dave at the time.  This was the meeting where I met the black doctor I thought was white who told me he thought I was black.  This was in email era anf now we actually get to see each other.  Shares are more structured. I used to ramble on writing and we had to tell an old English doctor to just stop reading rather than have me change to his sake since it wasn’t like the normal format.  Cyber docs still has the emails but I’m able most weeks now to join the Friday or Saturday morning. Normally I’m working on the Monday meeting but here I may be able to participate in that.  I’ve loved the sense of belonging as well as the learning I’m not alone. We share so much and focus on the similarities rather than the differences.  I’m blessed to be a part of something so spiritual. Also I truly admire my colleagues I’ve known so many years. 

It’s the same with street AA. My home group gives me a true sense of connectedness.  Burnaby Felllowship Wednesday night men’s meeting. George emailed me Merry Christmas and I felt warm inside. He’s such a great man with 47 years of sobriety.  He cares for his wife who’s developed dementia and has grown daughters and cats.  

I sometimes think of going to White Rock or peace arch area rather than Burnaby but I’ve rethought that every day.  I loved being where I was and realize that there’s so many reasons like the convenience for Laura and  my Men’s Group to return to Burnaby.  Good people.  Heading south I had that sense of escape but of course I”m taking me with me so here I am rather maturely realizing how good my life was and the idea of escapism fading as I relax and enjoy some time free from work. I really needed a vacation,  I began having chest discomfort which is the long term anxiety driven esophagitis worsened by the daily ibuprofen for the chronic back pain.  I was feeling ‘fucked over’ again by the authorities.  Unbelievable resources to punish when the problem is systemic lack of resources to heal. I have had another Christmas as a Christian with persecution threatened and demands to work over the holiday to satisfy the aetheist communists.  

I feel good here.  I feel that men aren’t hated like they are in the media in Canada.  It’s community that also likes old people.  A snow bird community but without the offended mob that rules in Canada.  It’s okay for me to be of Celtic Descent. We’re not being blamed.  The indigenous I’ve met here are working. All round people seem to be accountable. But that may simply be Arizona.  I expect in LA or New York I’d encounter all the anger and entitlement that rules Vancouver.  Here thought there’s sunshine,.

I loved being at church with a cross section of people, a full church with middle class upper class and lower class.  It felt like the church of my child hood.  A club of folk trying to do good.  They call Christians ‘do gooders’ and I’m glad to count myself among them,  They’re my tribe. I’ve studied theology and nave degrees in religious studies. I read my Bible and I really do ask ‘what Jesus thinks”.  I know my sexuality with acceptance of gays and lesbians and transexuals and my identification with the ‘other’ in that regard has been an issue. I’m moderate in my views, middle of the road.  I ‘m blessed to have mentors who have challenged eugenics and abortion and questioned the renaming of ‘marriage’ and ‘family’.  Love is what Jesus taught but not without discernment.  Working in my world I’ve been in the midst of reality and psychosis all the time dealing with government these last ten years which is much more insane at times than my patients.  

Now I’ve just celebrated Christmas.  The Christmas Eve service and mass was moving.  The family dinner that Laura made was special.  She’s a mother and grandmother and we’ve been lovers and friends for 25 years.  It’s hard to take that in. Madigan is only three years old with so much that is adorable about him. It’s his latest crazy trait, growling with tail wagging when he’s getting petted. He’s still anxious and chewing when left alone, I have to protect my pillows on the chair.  He’s dependent on me.  All tought and big dog when I’m here and we’re in the pack with him challenging authority whereas when he’s alone with Laura she says he’s watching for my return and crying.  I’m blessed having a dog even if he’s a nutbar.  He’s cute and gets me walking every day.

Life is good right now. I find myself knowing peace of mind. Praying daily.  Astonished that I’ve made it here and that the dreams are manifesting. It’s taken a lot of work to do this and cost but I’m here with my camper truck and girlfriend and dog.  Laura returns next week and I’m alone here another month or so. I’m planning on signing up for Spanish and tai chi if I can fit it into my work schedule.  Motorcycling. I want to explore. The thought I’ve got now is to bring the fifth wheel down next year.  I need to sell my big boat.  I thought a trip to Hay Bay before Adell sells the property is in order. I need to see the nephews and great nephews.  

I like the cooing of the doves here.  I love the skies and sun.  It’s a little city and the roads are wide.

I am so thankful Jesus for this time away from work. This real holiday with Laura.  It was so comforting to hold her last night.  She’s content to hang out and read whereas I’m ready to go. Yesterday she so enjoyed getting the pictures and videos of her daughters and grand daughter with her sister’s family celebrating Christmas.  We enjoyed seeing the family celebration on Face book.  Some in recovery have a hard time but churches and meetings held dinners and here we are on the other side of Solstice with the days getting longer and the promise of spring eventually returning.  I’m enjoying missing a winter and feeling my healing of hot and dry for my lungs and joints.  I must exercise more.  In the meantime we’ve been eating very well.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you Holy Spirit!!!!