Snow again

Thank you for the snow. I know it’s good for the plants. Personally I’m done with snow and winter. Still I know that my negative attitude does nothing to the facts. I’m here . It’s snowing. It’s cold. I’m spending a whole lot on heating. I’m afraid to slip walking.  My friend died.  

I wonder about retirement. Everyday I ask myself what I’m doing working.  I ask what I’m doing in Vancouver or Canada.  I imagine driving south with my camper which isn’t repaired yet. I want more holidays camping. I’m always on the clock.  

An old parking ticket I don’t know if I deserve came today. I paid the rent. I’m not breaking even with repairs and dues and taxes. I can see in a couple of weeks I’ll be copacetic I hope but the inflation has taken out any fat. I’m lean and mean and not seeing myself ‘getting ahead’.  I’m working for the tax man and taxes are all we get in Canada.  No services and constant reports of more and more corruption. I feel I’m faced with paying Satan for his WEF Satanic rites.  I don’t think I minded paying taxes as much when they weren’t to roads and hospitals. Now it’s all just gab fests and ideology with no meritocracy or accountability.  32 Billion lost by one department and now another 30 plus billion missing from another department.  

I imagine having an open schedule and writing novels.  I want to write

Yet truthfully I have a good gig.  I worry the good is the enemy of the best.  The truth is I like service. I’m helping people and I’m getting by.  I’ve come along way. When I look back it’s a lot of mountains and lakes.  

I’m grateful.  An attitude of gratitude is what I need when the rot begins to get in my head. I’ve a problem with my ‘thinking’.  I don’t have a problem with drinking. My problem is thinking and I didn’t know that till I stopped drinking.  

I’m wondering about stoicism and sensuality.  Does God want me to reject the ‘world’ or enjoy the ‘world’ in moderation. What is moderation.  I’m eating a little to much. I masturbate weekly .  I watch too much tv.  A couple of hours or more a night. I ‘m reading beach novels.  When I finish work I watch tv or read schlock novels. Clearly I could be using the evening hours more fruitfully. I go to one meeting and do another virtual. I walk the dog each evening maybe a half hour.  Then I make dinner and eat it watching tv.  I’ve been getting to the pool for a half hour of swimming 2-3 times. I think of the girls going to the gym a couple of hours a day. There’s a lot to be said for a disciplined disability schedule.  The retired folk don’t seem to do much more than me. Person and home maintenance with a lot of visits to massage, physio, doctors appointments. I’m blessed with this fairly routine stable steady life and too perfectionistic.

I’m signed up for a couple of medical conferences and will be able to pay my taxes.  I’ve an hour or two of book keeping to do. I’ve a storage locker I need to reduce more. I’ve an issue with trading my RV in for a Bus or learning and gettting the license to haul this RV.  I could go to smaller size but don’t know that that would work as good as a second hand buss. I’ve some timeline factors.  

Another year here doing what I’m doing with another spring and summer camping weekends and next winter 2 - 3 months working in Mexico virtual.  

My mind runs these scenarios and asks what am I going to do.

I muddle along

Then it snows and I’m negative.  I don’t need to be. It’s a great day the Lord has made. I need to pray and meditated more and ask more what God’s will is.  I am so blessed to know God and can surrender to his care. 

Thank you Jesus.