Yuma, Sunsets and Sunrises, another day in paradise

I woke feeling good from a dream of adventure. I was with my sailboat and travelling over rocky trails.  All was going well and I awoke.  

Last night was a glorious sunset with some mauve and peach in the eastern sky with the blazing orange in the west.  This morning I took a picture of the sunrise and cactus.  

I’ve prayed this morning and asked god’s guidance. “My sweet lord. I really want to know you.”  I’m loving life so i want to know the god within and more of this life. I enjoyed my clinic yesterday and the meeting.  Virtual is working well.  Today I’m hoping for a swim and sauna . All I have to do is send a triplicate hard copy in the mail this week.  That means a trip to the post office during the day. Good excuse for a motorcycle ride. 

I called another yacht broker

I watched Days of Wine and Roses with the story of AA.  The DT’s and detox brought back memories for me with patients.  It was pretty true.  Lee Remick was beautiful but tragic.  I most liked the line , there are two worlds , the sober and the world of alcohol.  It summed up the spiritual journey I had .  Caused to be wonder about monks and stoicism.  

I’m enjoying hedonism now with my pleasant existence, I’m healing too trying to address the chronic back pain and instability.  I don’t feel manly with such limitations, Aging seems feminine for me but I think of my Dad caring for my mom till the end.  She was such a giving soul and today the women are not nearly as sacrificial as her generation.  I see feminism has killed chilvarlry.  All I see now is men giving and sacrificing a nd women taking and complaining.  That may be FB though. I’ve enjoyed the couples here and in my group who’ve lived a good life together raising families and now are living like buddies in old age, like mom and dad and their good same club.

Alone I’m not sure what my future is.  Laura is certainly my buddy with Madigan but she has her whole family, sister and children.  I’ve lost family and friends and don’t feel connected to the ones in the east or north. I’m connected but don’t really enjoy the company of others.  I cross dress and write and read.  I don’t fit in the social lives of others. I look forward to more travel. I admire Donny now in Brazil visiting the falls.  I know men in Thailand and Roger is travelling.  I can enjoy that but guess I could have a base in Burnaby but the cost of living there is devastating.  I’m okay now but the future seems bleak. Here the cost of living is remarkable with $50,000 to $100,000 houses. Belinda posts property in Nova Scotia and I’ve been attracted to that.  City living appeals to the elderly with more service . I think of the city having done so much country and liking dressing up for the symphony and walks in galleries. I like the ‘gentile’.  I especially like sitting outside and people watching and writing. Commercial street was good for that.  I might need a cafe somewhere.  Ireland appeals.  

It’s a rabbit hole whenever i think of the future so one day at a time. I do the next right thing. Now that seems selling my boat and enjoying this camper .  I’m enjoying this Good Sam resort with electricity water etc,  No off the grid living though I’m ready for that. I think of returning to Canada over 2 weeks with working continuing till that last week of major travel up the coast. I’d like to decrease the days of driving and get more down time on the way back.  I’m here a few more weeks then will head to San Diego and LA to reduce the length of journey. I could even go up more north and get the cold as I will have had the sun and heat .  

I really ought to be thinking more of God when I write this. The Creator. All is God. I’m the son of God .  The death of Jesus permeated the world with the idea.  The idea of Christ is here today. Lazarus.  Resurrection,  Direct communion with God. Jesus the portal .  Love as the language.  I will endeavour to do my best today and be kind and understanding.  It’s a good day.  Thank you Jesus.