Thank you God for the weeks I had the pleasure of the company of Laura who returned to Canada yesterday. Thank you God that all our plans full filled and she remains safe and well.
Thank you that Madigan is just a joy.. He is sleeping now across from me on the other camper booth seat.
Thank you God for this Camper and my truck. It gives me pleasure, being a living a work space so well designed and serving me now. Thank you for Star Link and this ipad. Thank you for the refridgerator, the peanut butter and raspberry jam and the sandwich I’ve made at 330 am. I have no idea why I woke so early. Bladder. I was having good dreams, fond encounters. It was a delight to look on facebook and see the good times that people I know are having, their New Year’s Eve parties and their company. I am pleased and thankful for them. Conviviality and companionship.
I’m feeling the solitude. Laura’s departure has left me and Madigan alone. I had a memory of the solo Pacific crossing in winter my sailboat, doldrums and hurricanes.
My anxiety meant I was in the future. I was trying to worry against zen training about finances and health whereas here and now all I have is back pain and nothing a peanut butter and jam sandwich can’t cure.
I stepped outside in the night letting Madigan run free around this campsite. He bee lined to the neighbours trailer where Ted, their chihuahua puppy had last been tied. I looked up at the star spangled sky. I picked out the Big Dipper and imagined this was God’s blessings being poured down upon us. The moon was half full. I was in my tshirt and Calvin Klein shorts. The weather was that nice. Laura said she arrived in cold rain with snow forecast this week. I had a long drive back from Phoenix, a day of 6 or 7 hours driving there and back. I found a good jazz and mellow rock radio station called “Border”. They played a Steely Dan from 25 years ago and said their last album before that was 25 years. I thought of getting the album and remembered nights listening to music. Music as the primary past time not as accompaniment. I was inspired to find my travel guitar in the bedroom closet. The closets need cleaning and organization. I have to get back the things I put in the storage locker to make room for Laura. I was using part of the bed for that purpose on the way down. I booked another month here but then plan to drive on the weekend to San Diego and again travel on the next weekend north for a couple of days to shorten the length of time I’m continuously driving.
I don’t play guitar or sing as much since I found how deaf I’d become and began wearing hearing aids. Then with Covid I began to wear gel nails continuously to stop me biting them. I’ve black nails now. Just before New Years I stopped at the salon and had them painted black.
My motorcycle is on my mind. It’s in the shop waiting for an ignition module. I’ve brought this new Harley from Canada here on a rack I have on the front of the truck. It’s a major ‘thing’. One more variable to add to the camper. Yet here I am a month of a couple of month time in the dessert and I’ve not been able to ride my Harley. I know it’s covid and supply lines. Now there was a time when I’d be major upset and complain and be a nuisance and just maybe expedite matters. But Laura has been here and though I brought her helmet she doesn’t ride anymore. I’d hoped to cajole her but that was me not here. She’s slowed down and is dealing with her anxiety and resentment in her own way. I’m the one that is into adventure while she’s content to take less risks which we both are. For her she was intrepid to fly down to Phoenix, meet up with me, go to Mexico for the first time and have 4 root canals done there. It had been 1-2 years in planning to check it out and to get Laura there. It felt good to do good and have the task completed. After that I missed having my motorcycle. We made a coupled of extra trips to Los Algodones. I enjoyed getting new glasses while Laura was having dental work done
I’m enjoying the desert air. My aches are less. I mostly only feel my back pain at night in bed turning over. During the day it’s not an issue walking the dog or going about leisure but is an issue if I try to lift or do anything out of the ordinary. The motorcycle seating position is actually healing so I miss that. I also miss my inversion machine. Maybe even the sleep apnea machine. My plan in being here is to be more healthy. I’m usually focussed on work primarily and surviving the stress of that endeavour. I’ll continue to work starting this week and look forward to that if only for purpose but also so that I have money coming in and can pay taxes license and all the rising cost of government administration mismanagement greed and stupidity.
I’m no better. I’m looking at the Jensen radio cd player on the wall. I don’t use it. I forgot how to and rather than find a user manual on line I think of upgrading it. Maybe when I get back Maybe I’ll find a user manual. If I were to retire I’d have to ‘budget’ and be more responsible but then I’d have more time to do these things I’m fixing the shower hanger in the bathroom simply because I had time and enjoyed going to the Rv hardware store. Events like this are ‘outings’ like getting one’s teeth cleaned. Back home they are errands and obstacles because I’m so exhausted by work and the worry and stresses that people bring and the constant demand for perfection from the incompetent disgraceful government,
Now I’m here and life is good I’m certainly grateful for the weather and my presence here healing in the heat and dry air. I don’t worry about Covid or respiratory illness. I realized that last winter was stressful not just because of the cold but because my toilet holding tank froze and took weeks and various trips to have it fixed all the while the weather was freezing and walking on ice was frightening. I had another working toilet but it was just all that extra stress. This year I’m reduced to a camper but everything is working and it got me here. I’ve used up the savings I created to do this so want to work to pay the January round of licenses and taxes. When I get back I’ll have to pass on all my accounting data and see the annual taxes done. Running a business is more stress ful with the inflation but I figure I’m doing well compared to so many others. I have nothing to complain about really. All Cadillac problems . My 2 friends have had major surgery, one their second hip replacement and other quadruple bypass. I’m praying for them.
I’ve done several meetings weekly now and getting more in the centre of the program. I was on the outskirts partly because I thought I’d go east to work but never made it. My brother’s death and Covid certainly through a monkey wrench into those plans. Now I’m trying to sell the boat I’d outfitted for doing an Atlantic crossing. Yesterdays plans. I motorcycle instead. I drove a truck 2500 km or 1550 miles. It’s 24 hours driving and why I’d like to reduce the distance by taking off for a weekend drive in 4 weeks. I do 6 hours driving well a day whereas more is increasingly stressful. Interesting that’s the amount of mileage I did on the motorcycle. I could do 12 hours in a car by comparison, Carying the camper is more stressful with the motorcycle on the front rack.
No wonder I woke up I had all these thoughts running around . When Laura is here I can discuss them and get closure The hampster runs around in the cage till I put the brake on with journaling or discussion. Prayer helps .
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