Yuma, Thursday Morning

There’s snow in the north.  Here it’s warm in the morning. The night wasn’t as cool as it has been. I’ve been able to swim, hot tub and lie by the side of the pool midday. It’s been a good week. I’m unwinding I believe.  The routine is good.  Work goes fine with even the complicated paper work being done.  

This morning I contemplated heaven.  Every day is full and sufficient of itself. Yesterday is a memory, a selected story little different from the dreams I wake from. Tomorrow is imagination and manifestation. All that counts truly is today where God is.  God is in the present.  The power of now, So the historic Jesus is an idea of today as are family and friends and other places.  I remember the epiphany of Jesus altering the dimensions of the existence.  God and creation as one. God and human as one.  

I remember Yahweh the name of God, “I am that is who I am.” Touching me.  The inner recognition of truth.  Revelation as the realization of my own god stuff. The feeling of being touched by God over and over again described by C.S. Lewis as ‘surprised by joy’.

I experience that here. Watching the sun rise and sun set.  Taking the time to sit and experience the day. Looking up at the clouds and stars and moon .  There are these moments over and over again of peace and calm. I feel heaven is within and I’m touching living heaven at times.  Brief encounters with the transcendent.  

Jesus is within.  Heaven is within.  The answer is within.  I like the adventure and journey outwards but it’s not the destination.  Spiritual consumerism the disease of the modern.  I’m here talking with God within.  The conversation is enough. The encounter with the hound of heaven.  Tuning my inner ear to the celestial.

There is work today.  I’ve enjoyed work this week, the sense of being helpful and contributing.  I like the security of income even if it’s a somewhat false security. God is all that is secure.  Faith and Grace.

I renewed my membership to CMDA.  The woman there said ‘grace’. Grace was a part of our conversation  I expressed concern about my individualness and the failure of the institution of marriage for me and my disappointment for the CMDA during the Covid crisis when individual pastors but not institions stood up to tyranny.  I missed Bonhoffer’s voice in Canada and missed the voice of St. Francis’s and spirituality.  It seemed the church was just another government agency as was CMDA.  I was wrong to be judgemental perhaps feeling my own guilt after a lifetime of sacrifice and service looking now to comfort and pleasure.

Obesity, Gluttony and Sloth are so much more concerning than Lust yet the perversion of the world favours vices.  The obese wag their fingers at the polyamorous.  The family becomes its own idol while the government ravishes the believers.  State churches, are they different from Beijing and Constantine.  

I’m here in the now and could be writing treatise on these thought. I could be sitting in a library, researching and writing but frankly I’d rather walk the dog and finish this coffee before setting out on my day of work.

I emailed a trail ride place asking if they could accommodate me tomorrow or Saturday for a couple of hours.  I told them I was 220 lbs but I think I’m more like 240.  The other trail ride place said they only took people who were 200 lbs. Discrimination or a focus on little horses.  Do I  need a Clydesdale now?  Mostly I’ve been given Morgans at stables. I’d rather a little horse but don’t want to over burden him or her.  I’d just like to enjoy the movement again, It’s been 5-10 years.  I’d like to ride again and more perhaps.  I ride my motorcycle with joy and wonder if my struggle selling my sailboat is a message I’m to do more sailing.  I could gather the retired guys for a run. I just worry about the cost especially if something goes wrong. Im so much more satisfied with this camper.  I imagine my fifth wheel will be even more enjoyable but I wonder about a smaller fifth wheel or bus. I could consider trading that in.

I imagine a trip to see Berlin, Vienna and Venice.  I’d like to return to Ireland and New York. I have a desire to wander museums and art galleries but the issue is whether I’d like to travel au femme , alone, or with others.  I have Madigan so I’m happy to be outside and this camper is a great home base for our travels.  I could well continue what I’m doing for another year and each year older he’s less barbarian.  Europe and museums and galleries are not dog world.  New York wouldn’t work either.  Maybe. I always think walking about galleries would be more enjoyable in a skirt but when I’m in the gallery I’m sufficiently charmed by the art that I’m not aware of how Im dressed.  The activity is what defines the clothing. On my motorcycle I like leathers and jeans. I wish kilts were lighter. I like the feeling of long and short skirts. Like the Roman wear.  Short do it for me mostly but they’re not what I imagine in museums. I’m into this fashion and image issue.  I like photography and have always enjoyed Laura’s company on these excursions.  I just missed her after the Louvre.

I’m alone and talking with God but God speaks through people as well. I’m not lonely. I have this dog partner. I do feel a desire for companionship.  I like lying naked in bed with another. That experience is akin to sex now which involves work and effort and doens’t come spontaneously.  I can hope for the return of some athleticism. I spontaneously ran for fun yesterday. I do that still sometimes but wish I’d return to jogging seriously. I would be better if I exercised more and here I’m improving.  

Thank you God for this day. Thank you for my positive dreams. Thank you for wakening. Thank you for the sunshine and pleasant weather Thank you for my family and friends. Thank you for coffee.  Thank you for Madigan.  Thank you for Yuma.