The horse shoe players are out across from me. Normally I face into the Camper but today I moved to the other side of the table and am enjoying the more scenic view of the outdoors. Madigan shifted to the other side and is now sleeping after our walk in the dessert. A man walked by wearing pyjama bottoms. I like this place. Casually old folk winter escape.
I am more often seeing the jets that fly over, I have learned to look ahead of the noise and saw four today along with a helicopter.
I’ve seen the doves and road runners and this longer bodied larger humming bird.
I’ve enjoyed the week of work and need to take a trip to the post office to send paper work to the clinics. I’m faced with one left to do and may do it after my coffee so they’re all on the way to the clinics. Anna and Kevin received the Portable toilet I sent them for a New Year’s present.
It’ssnowing in Vancouver coupled with ice freezing and icey rain. Laura keeps me abreast of the conditions. Their clinic was closed and patients have had trouble driving in so here’s been many cancellations, I remember this time last year my black water take pipes were clogged and frozen. The suction truck came twice, Kelvin was there a couple of times. Finally as it thawed he was able to remove the offending blockage. I had the second toilet so wasn’t inconvenienced n that regard but having the interruptions and transit and concern about would it be fixable before spring was just an added stress at a stressful cold miserable time. I also slipped and feared breaking something. I feel stronger now. I really do feel like I’m already recovering from the sick time of Covid. I don’t have the anxiety I had and I’m relaxing. The pleasant dreams are an indication of that.
The despair of patients and their depression gets through the barriers like chronic pain. I do the best I can. I feel I’m being of service .
I’m looking forward to the ride to the post office. I enquired about horse back riding but so far no luck finding some place to ride. I expect I’ll take a ride with the motorcycle and Madigan to the airport to see the Marine base and there’s a lack to see. It’s a pretty laid back weekend. That’s good. The day is overcast and I expect to do some calls to patients and hope to make my Friday meeting with IDAA.
Amberbilly or Billy Amber continues as a project I’m enjoying. Cowboy Bill is another project. I love the camper and travel. I couldn’t ride at one place because they had a weight restriction of 200 lbs and I’m at least 220. I think of travelling to Europe and worry about Laura’s stamina and weight. These days she’s negative about anything that involves exercise and I just want to see everything and walk and exercise as much as possible. I’m pleased her sister walks her. I don’t want to lose her and her weight I is killing her. I talked to a patient about their knees going and how they can’t keep up with their girlfriends going to art galleries. There’s no real reason for the cost of travel to these places of culture if you’re not going to anything different than you do cheaply at home. I have three projects on the bucket list, south Ireland (I really liked renting a car and seeing that with Laura) , New York, and the Berlin, Vienna Venice trip (this is the walking one and perhaps rent another Vespa, Laura doesn’t like to ride motorcycles anymore, on her own or as a passenger and the same with boats - she seems most to like reading on the couch and obviously can do that cheaply at home …I figure that ‘s what’s happening 10 years from now through no choice of ours so I don’t want to be an old man with her old lady issues when there’s a decade of youthful engaging gung-ho Carpe diem life….tat’s what happens with overheating addictions and other addictions , sloth and gluttony…..personally I prefer lust as it at least loses calories…I can’t believe I’m too fat for the pony ride place but my ideal weight of 6 feet would only be 200 lbs. not a lot of wiggle room. I’d also Ike to go to Thailand but that’s for the beach’s and something I can do older when I’m less capable of active tourist life. I see classmates doing Perus and Antarctica but it’s not that I want to but I’m part of a physically fitter section of my age range. Obesity is the limiting factor. I certainly see that with the men and women here. There’s something with the grandparent thing too. I believe they’re more sedate and happy like our friends mom ‘to watch the children like tv’. I remember Dad and Mom active together into there 80’s with Mom really happy to explore and got on cruise and road trips and visit new places and Dad active into his 90’s . I don’t like addiction either. There’s a mind set that occurs with the food aholics and the alcoholics. I ‘ve had my life with the ex and her cocaine and negativity. I’ve done my time and want to be free but thiss is my own addiction thinking, not focusing on my side of the street and doing what I can. I could be doing so much more exercise . I want to see a chiropracter this weeken and will drop by the one I’ve seen to see if I can make an appointment. Chronic pain is an issue but it’s better with exercise and I’m not doing enough. More reason for me to fear any lack of enthusiasm with activity. I too would rather suck the despair of sloth and gluttony. But I have had an addiction to nicotine and probably alcohol so I don’t want to go back to that materialism. My goal is to know god and that means less negativity myself. Less judgement and more serenity. But I think I’m showering and others like the smell of my clean body but don’t reciprocate. There’s that issue of self pity and takers and givers and entitlement. I like the people in the program because we are constantly reminded and call each other and Im constantly reminded in my group. It’s the group that uplifts me.
I wonder about camping and hunting and fishing this year. I do enjoy her and madigan in the Camper. I don’t know about overseas travel leaving Madigan because he’s a difficult dog and every year older he becomes better. I think of Ron maybe taking him. I have to go to Napanee before Adell sell’s her and Ron’s place . I meet resistance trying to sell the boat and wonder about seeking crew to take it down the inside passage or up the st Lawrence for a last adventure. I prefer the camper and the immediate plan is to learn to pull the Fifth Wheel immediately I get back. I’ve a sense I’ve done my ocean travel and would first like to sell the sailboat.
That’s a fair depiction of a slice of my insaniety. I am here in the present with God and when I slip into the past or future I’m in the world of anxiety. Today I can find God. God is here and now. I’m blessed in this miracle of life I’m living, grateful for all of what I’m experiencing now. A couple of years of planning and saving and here I am living the life. Thanks for the gifts of recovery, Thank you Jesus. Thank you for Laura, Madigan, my family, for this camper and Yuma, the sunshine and warmth. Thank you for my work and my ability to be of service.
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