Yuma - leaving

I’ve been out of sorts a few days.I’ve been homesick, missing Laura. I got a call from Bonita Mesa at the worst time. I was driving my truck to an apt at Bill Alexander and couldn’t find the dealership my address a number off. I’d phoned them and was hoping they’d phone me. I don’t normally answer the phone driving but I did.

What sounded like a young girl said,

“This is Bonita Mesa RV, you have to move your truck. “

“I’m driving my truck right now” I said,

“You have to move your motorcycle then”

“I can do that but I’m going to an appointment and I won’t be back for a couple of hours.”

“You have to move your camper too”

Now I was upset, I’d been there 2 months and it’s not a little deal to unload and load a camper and stow and I stow gear. I had paid for another two week.’

Then the manager came on. Deep mail voice.

“We’re having 20 new units coming in and you’re in the wrong place taking up one and a half units. You should n’t be parked there.”

Your staff put me int this place,”

“Do you know which staff”.

I should have pulled over.  I don’t know who their staff are.  Was he suggesting I was lying.  

“Excuse me I’m unable to move my unit.  It sounds like you’ve made a mistake.  If I’m going to pack up and load up to move a space then I’m going to leave Bonita Mesa and go elsewhere.  Whether I move a foot or a mile is all the same with a camper loading and stowing.  

“You’re right we made a mistake.,When would you be able to move,”

I normally move on Friday since I’m busy the rest of the week.  

“Okay we can work with that We can work this out after the weekend,’. 

With that he was gone. I’d been falsely acused and ambushed and never received an apology just orders and accusations,

I had missed the Bill Alexander Ford Dearlers ship and was late for the appointment. They were great.  The inspection, lube and such, fluid flush and change was going to take a couple of hours and they recommended a great sandwich restaurant where I sat outside with Madigan and ate a Reuben.

I actually fume,

After the terrific experience with the really helpful Bill Alexander folk I headed back to Bonita. Mesa.  I could not see the problem. I was partied in 115 and I was connected to the 115 outlet .  The fellow in the camp who’s there for weekend stuff came by and told me they wanted me to move a car width sideways.  They were planning on parking a vehicle in my space beside my truck because I was parking my truck in front of the camper and if I moved a space over they could pack in a trailer with the extra vehicle in my space.

I called Laura.  I’d packed up and now only had to load the Motorcycle to leave.  

“I think they’ve overbooked.  Greedy people,  So sad.  I liked it there.’

‘I did too but it’s like there’s a cloud over the experience,  ‘ I feel like I’ve seen the underbelly and don’t know what their ‘mood’ or treatment of me will be now I’ve resisted being bullied.’  I wonder too when things like this happen if it isn’t God telling me to move , that I’ve been too longer here .  I almost feel like coming home. The weather is nice but I’m feeling lonely.  

I told my friends from home I meditated with,  “God tested my serenity and I failed.  I’m not in the present like Elkhart Tolle ‘power of now’ but keep replaying the conversation and the absurdity of the beginning, blaming and the lack of amends. I called my academic military friend in Washington and told him 

“It’s like I’m doing all this self development work, learning not to guilt, shame or blame, and keeping my side of the street clean and suddenly I’m assailed by an ape. Everyone likes me because I shower each day and smell nice but they don’t even bathe,”

He laughed and asked,  “what’s the positive?”

   

“Im humbled . I ‘ve still got more work to do on maintaining peace of mind. I might have thought I was a Navy Seal of Serenity but I’m still in boot camp. More work to do but also maybe I am supposed to move.  My musician friend would say, “Ive been on this stationary scene too long,”

I’m always anxious loading the camper but it went well and another guy from Canada walked by and gave me some advice for straightening the load. Nice guy. We talked of motorcycles.  

Now all I needed to do was load my Harley.  I packed Madigan on the back in his box and had a great ride to Bobby’s Territorial Harley in Yuma.  

“I had problem with the transport mode on my way down ,  I had to take out the main fuse to stop my new Nightster Specail alarming.  Could you go over that with me again.  ‘

‘The repair guy was great showed me how to do it.  The old way was pressing both turn signals where as with the 2023 edition both turn signals are on one so I had to hold down a different button. It worked. One anxiety reduce.  One step at a time.  

Now Im here this morning, having had a coffee and thinking I’ll shower then load up the water tank and empty the holding tank and try loading the harley on its front rack.  It’s about 9.  People are about and in the past I’ve had a challenge getting it to snug in the last foot. I’ve loosened the blockage so it should be a problem.  

But if the harley was loaded then leaving might well be the answer.  I think I’d feel better to be heading home because I really do miss Canada and friends so heading it that direction will help the homesickness. Despite being a Gypsy at times I often get enough travelling and am ready to be back in my known comfortable world. 

I really have enjoyed Bonita Mesa until last night and Yuma has been great so I think it’s just time for me to be moving on.  I have to remember to take down the Star Link satellite and stow that. I worry I”ll head out without doing that.  So many moving parts. 

Madigan is sleeping on the table. He’s had a great time in the Dessert.  San Diego is only a few hours a way a way.  There’s place along the route too. I really should see more.

I drove my Harley over toe. 

Yuma - love

I ward off fear every day.  I like that religion is for those who have never been to hell and spirituality for those who have been and don’t want to go back.  My very life and being and mind were threatened by a satanic man .  I knew fear. I’d seen the torture provided in the name of justice. I’d witnessed the grossest abuse of power.  I was afraid. I was experiencing ‘incomprehenible demoralization’ and cried out to Jesus.  I had felt beyond Grace. I felt every path I took was blocked. I thought ‘how could all these bad things be happening to a good guy like me’.  I felt the depth of betrayal and knew terror and despair.  I cried out to Jesus.  I cried out to God.  

“My God  My God why hast thou forsaken me?” “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?’  I was in the long dark night of the soul.  

I survived. Later I’d be in a hurricane in winter at sea, days inside of the washing machine like sail boat unable to find comfort, totally at the mercy.  I  felt then the  same physically as I’d felt imprisoned by enemies.  This time I did not feel I was alone or that I had done wrong. I felt close with God.  I’d not turned my back on Jesus but knew he was with me. I had faith and trust in the Lord.  I’d clung to him in the darkest of times and been rewarded.  I’d confessed my sins. I was no longer alone and alienated. I’d been the Prodigal Son returning to my family. I’d sought the guidance and leadership of  Christian missionary doctors and Christian professors, and spiritual friends.  I’d begun the path back to the god of my understanding. I once again sought to know daily God and God’s will for me. I prayed daily and eventually ceaselessly as St. Paul had taught. I meditated as I had long ago learned.  I lived.  I humbly turned my will and my life over to God. I accepted I was powerless over alcohol and drugs and that my life had become unmanageable. I found the lost strength and hope within me. I attended church and meetings and studies.  I pilgrimaged to the Holy Lands and prayed in the places of worship of the holy.  I literally let go and let God.  

I contrast the time I have today with that turning point decades ago. I’d put my faith in romance back then and looked to sex and drugs and rock and roll for answers. Today I talk directly with God and ask for his forgiveness and guidance.  Each day I begin the day in gratitude and ask for the presence of Jesus Christ in my life.  I pray to God and the saints of all religions . I am a seeker and yet trust in the Hound of Heaven. I know the footprints in the sand and see the hand prints of God in my life. Theres’ a fourth dimension I often stumble into. . That flow or consciousness that is beyond all human understanding, the transscendence.   I fear at times I am a spiritual consumer seeking the nectar of God. It is a journey and destination. I accept I am in this life and enjoy food,  .exercise, sleep and fellowship that  is itself Godly.  I live in this world but I ‘ m not of this world.  I am a child of God but I am vigilant, less naive, older. 

I dreamed of being given marijuana by a taxi driver last night. I took the package and woke.  I still have dreams like that, not using, but as C.S. Lewis say thinking that God could be found in the wall of his creation. I want direct contact with God . The old tantric path was thoroughly explored. The journey is forward not back.  It served its time back when.  Now it has no future.  I don’t know why it came to me out of my memories, as a tease or temptation.   I imagine it was because I ‘ve been watching 007 and revisiting the 60’s.  I’m remembering youth and love and dancing in the streets of San Francisco with flowers in our hair.  I’m reading a book on the history of Northern Africa and remembering being in the Kazbah, me and Bobby McGee. I’m grieving my youth.   

Today I’m old and life has been a grand adventure with my Doystoeyski encounter with the sophisticated devil who offered me a choice. I look the road I did and the one he din’t not know. Now I’m feeling sometimes that I’m in Heaven’s waiting room but I know that’s decades a head.  It’s the weariness that assails me now sometimes.  I remember the single footprints in the sand then. I say All shall be well, all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well. I remember Hal’s teachings on an Attitude of Gratitude. I try to get over myself.  I try to keep my head in the same room as my ass.  I know God is in the present. 

It’s best then I go for a walk.  My dog is always happy to walk with me. He’s a great teacher.  

Thank you God for rescuing me from myself. Thank you God for loving me as father and mother and giving me a father and mother who loved and taught me love. . Thank you God for this life of mystery and adventure. Thank you for the journey, companions and memories.  Help me do my best today, Grant me serenity, courage and wisdom. 

Chronic Pain

I made a chiropractic appt with Dr. Rowling on.  I filled out the forms and signed the papers.  

I was a psychiatrist seeing a chiropractor with my psychosomatic pain. I had just told someone that I thought we don’t see catatonic or waxy catatonic schizophrenia or the hysterias much any more because they’ve become the pain and fatigue disorders.  Here I was,  believing like turn of the century, psychoanalyst  Abraham that depression was anger turned inward and like Selye that cancer ‘was that which you could say in no other way.”  I had personally cured with psychotherapy, hypnosis, psychiatric medication disabling skin and physical disorders sent to me after surgery and internal medicine had no more to often. Here I was thinking that if only I could find the right words, understand, accept , let go of fear, trust, something spiritual then this physical pain would alleviate. I knew acute pain was an alarm system and important but chronic pain continued long after the alarm had served its purpose. Phantom limb pain persisted despite the amputation.  The superhighway pain model explained that these dramatic moments opened a high way that later could be used rather than trails.  Emotional pain, emotions really could use the freeway that happened in these catastrophic injuries. I thought there was some mystery that was warded off in the site of pain like a secret , like a tubercular gumma , an abscess.  We are as sick as our secrets. If only i could face my fear, forgive and love I’d not need the reminder of yesterday’s pain invading today.  

Dr. Rowlinson’s assistant met with me and took a more detailed history. It was unsettling to give a history of trauma and injury.  I’ve had a few years to accumulate a few. 

‘How old are you, “ she asked with youth and clear skin 

“71” I said, not admitting I was turning 72 in a matter of weeks.  Remembering when I wanted to be older. Now not so.

“Have you had any injuries, sports or vehicular?” She asked

I was taken back to the first gymnastic injury. The spotter held my hand too long as I fell from the handstand on the parallel bars, the twist and subsequent landing jarring my back.  For years since the Thoracic spine had cried under duress at times sadness and fear.  I’d paid with the mistake of my spotter and yet I’d not followed the advice of the doctor and not competed the next day.  Getting out of bed I showed up at the provincial championship and didn’t win though placed and helped the team.  In all likelihood non compliance with medical regimen left the thoracic pain to persist and be a reminder.  There was a lot to learn about control

Several back injuries in sports followed through the years and in martial arts and later working with the dangerously insane in jails and asylums when they got out and had to be wrestled down and returned to their rooms or cells.  I don’t like to open doors on those confrontations and harrowing experiences which were occasioned mostly by administrative short cuts or down right graft.  The money for staffing had been waylaid and we who worked on the front lines suffered. The common theme of self pity and betrayal sat within my pain like the Judas who betrayed Jesus.  Pieces of silver jingled and jangled and we suffered

The bicycle crashes became motorcycle crashes and then car crashes. The out of control speeding driver hitting my car when he didn’t recognise black ice causing me to pitchpole over the road only to continue rolling down the hill.  That was the first of a few whiplashes. But that was the week I stayed home from work. I’d not stayed home before or since.  But then I was glad to be alive and followed the advise of doctors and physiotherapists and was thankful there after for the chiropractors who helped the mobility in my neck which continues to scream if I spend too much time leaning over a desk,

The plane crash in the sub arctic was caused by black ice too. The pilot land just fine but we simply slid sideways flopping on our side the wing crumpled under the mass. I didn’t believe I’d live looking out the window and seeing the tragedy unfold. I felt the inertial forces but thanks to a seat belt and seat I stood up with glee and happily followed the stewardess out of the side of the plane which face upward.  I was the only passenger on this cargo flight.  Another flight in a Cessna the landing gear crumpled at the end of the landing. I felt that one more that the DC3, possibly because gravity reigned as we collapsed.

There was the motorcycle accident too , my Norton Commando when I was later award d ‘most damage to machine   least damage to man’ by my biker buddies when I walked back from the crash carrying the chain and my finger wrapped up . I’d been most afraid of losing the finger which was tongue and had a stone in the joint which to this day becomes annoyed easily. I took the stone out with tweezers, washed it with iodine and sutured it up myself.  My back was hurt but by comparison that was not a concern compared to my anxiety about my finger.

I didn’t tell her about being held hostage or being mugged or a few other things that I’d left behind. I was happy to say I’d not had any major accidents or traumas since I slipped in the rain climbing Arthur’s seat in Edinburgh after Covid.  Since then my back had  been so noisy I’d had X-rays and spoken with my Sports Medicine and Family Medicine doctor colleagues as well as the Rehab medicine doctor. I’d been reassured and given exercises which I didn’t do enough, I knew I needed to lose weight but so much else takes presences over health to me even, at this age. I’m not a good patient.

Dr. Rowlinson identified the trigger points and made a few masterful adjustments. Knowing chiropractors over the years I appreciate the best in techniques and as well the healers.  Dr. Rowlinson was both.

I resisted tears after he left the office I felt such sadness within. I was overwhelmed by the gratitude I had for life and saw alls those near death experiences I’d had as times when people helped me and saved my life. I’d focused on the aggressors and those that didn’t care but here were all these angels like Dr. Rowlinson who had just laid on hands and released the tension and let the pain slip away.  I walked out of his office lighter paying a pittance for the service he’d done. 

Driving home in the truck I was feeling this depth inside like an abscess had been knifed and the despair and fear let out. Some of the accumulated pus of life had left and another era of healing had begun.  I was so thankful All the doctors and healers over the year have helped me.  I felt inside this disappointment that I’d not been able to help the women in my life. They’d all been so depressed and I had thought I could be the one but their anger just grew and I was not enough.  Thankfully I’d gone to Codependents Anonymous and Al Anon and learned “I didn’t cause it.  I couldn’t control it. And I couldn’t cure it’. I now apply that to the relationships I’ve had and the angry women and the blaming and complaining and my carrying all their weight on my back. I think of drop the rock and how we can all get to heaven but we can’t take the baggage,. I let go of some pain today. Dr. Rowlinson opened the door. That’s the beautify of psychosomatic medicine, quantum physics and Heisenberg.  It’s all God and spiritual healing takes so many forms.  I just had to ask for help and received it God works through people.  Thank you Jesus. 

Yuma - sunshine returned

Somewhere a virgin sacrificed her virginity because the sun has returned. I love the fragrance of dessert this morning after a day of rain and another of mist and cloud.  Madigan is so excited when I walk him to the dessert now. Before it was to explore the shrubs but now it’s the social event of the day. He’s made so many little friends.  The owners and I chat pleasantries while our pups sniff butts and genitals.

I have my chiropracter visit this morning. I imagined I would be doing much more self care down here but work really does take a toll on energy and time.  I’ve had more or less a 4 day work week for a few years.  My work week is indeed 40 hours now.  When I worked 5 days a week and weekends I don’t know when I had time for basic errands.  Grocery shopping and laundry were done late in the evening. No wonder I have time now to watch tv and read. I so enjoy reading. It amazes me what I accomplished with the time I had and how I figure today I’m more likely moseying along with the group.  

I certainly enjoy my sleep.  Last night I dreamed I was hunting in the hills with friends and we were running. When I got up to the ridge overlooking the valley I found I’d forgotten my rifle. With lucid dreaming I could pick up a rifle but what I’d most enjoyed was the pain free running. I actually almost been flying. Waking with the memory of that run was peaceful.

The jets are flying over. It seems more this week.  I lit an incense stick and enjoyed the scent of Surya from Mumbai.  It takes me back to my time there walking freely among the people shorter mostly than me and brown. I was a talk white gringo who celebrated the culture and people of India. I would like to go back.  I don’t remember the business class so intrussive as they were on my last visit.  The hustlers and hawkers are making travel less appealing.  I understand the value of restricted resorts now. Even here in Mexico with only street salesmen and no beggars I miss the peace of walking without constant interruption and importunity.  I remember when I thought we should wear swords again to whack anyone who approaches without true justification.  The ‘me’ class that we see with the android and iPhones is this person who approaches to sell whatever. They’re like the phone telemarketers.  Rude and offensive. The liberals celebrate them like the do the mob clashes today regarding Palestine and Israel in Canada.  I’m reading Cafe Wars by David Lee Corley of the Algerian Liberation conflict .  When do my rights supplant yours.  In this Canadian society there are countless self proclaimed ‘victims’ and ‘cause celebre’ while I’m feeling old and unrepresented.  My cohort can’t ’march in the streets’ and are indeed afraid of crowds and youth because a spill can break a hip or strain a knee.  Minor injuries lead to weeks and months of health care.  Meanwhile our government whose principle purpose is that of law and order participates in the chaos all the while stealing what’s left of a lifetime of work for their cronies.  With all the fear mongering and screeching politics it’s hard not to be pulled into their insaniety.  

A friend complained about the street march disrupting morning work traffic and wondered if they’d arrange a ‘permit’ for their mob violence.  I remember out 50 mile walk as teens to raise money for the disabled , the organizers and volunteers. Then only a few years ago I rode my motorcycle among hundreds in the ‘ride for dad’ raising money for prostate cancer with the support of police and months of planning.

This is like the ‘illegal’ alien issue.  BLM and Antifida were the first that were imposing their radical left wing violent ideologies on the rest of us without respect for the greater good.  No response from our government and support and celebration. So then June 6th and the later the Freedom riot and now the Farmers.  These are the mainstream, the centrist and mild right. I’m conservative with age. I sing like the Beatles, “We don’t want a revolution’.  I see what the Hitler and Mao and Stalin revolutionaries bring.  It is rare that violence and mob provide better than that achieved by diplomacy.  The UN and WEF are not what they seem.  It’s all smoke and mirror.  I just imagine that the hearse I’m travelling with will be turned over by these radical left wing weaklings and cowards and set on fire. I will be past caring by there. Even today I worry about my interest in these media stoked fires and these political celebrations infiltrated by RCMP and FBI.  I enjoyed Putin telling about his work as KGB to infiltrate and manipulate demonstrators in his days.  

Buffalo Springfield. “People carrying signs mostly say hoorah for our side’.  Why aren’t these people working or in school????  Why do they have money for drugs but not rehabilitations.  Why is a government not providing country treatment centres and work communities for people like we did with the old asylums and jails.  How come Singapore can have a safe and orderly society while Canadian and American cities devolve into filth and lawlessness. Or course its not so bad.  The contagion of the ‘red light district’, our ‘down town eastside’ or similar areas of other cities were what I encountered in Barcelona , a 4 block lawless contagion enraged and with warnings. Criminals, drug dealers and prostitutes knew not to go outside that area without risk of arrest for illegal activities.  Let the Antifia, BLM, Palestinian crowds and all those CBC loved radical left wing radicals march in their district.  They certainly learned to do this in Northern Ireland where wars began when the demonstrations infringed on the other side.

I’m for peace not war. Every country in the world has a conflict so we could make each day of the year a time for demonstrations for Tibet.  China has colonized and genocided Tibet and yet Trudeau doesn’t care for Tibet or peace. Like his father he was a closet wanker and war monger.  I’m distracted by their duplicity.

Today Im here in Yuma truly blessed by God for a life of service. I have food water and shelter in this camper with the perfect little dog and must shower before I begin work and then depart for a bit of self care from chronic pain.  Pain is that which we can say in no other ways. It’s the modern ‘hysteria’ like fatigue.  Ennui of luxury. I’m packageing my resentments and fears in the little DTES of my back and much take the plank out of my eye before I look at the mote in yours. 

Thank you Jesus for faith and grace and forgiveness. Help me be a more peaceful man today. Help me to be more forgiving and less judgemental. Help me be kinder and more understanding.  Help me to be a channel like St. Francis.  Thank you for Madigan my dog whose example is so often wiser than mine, Thank you for my family and friends Thank you for Laura. Thank you for the men in my recovery groups. Thank you for my teachers and mentors.. Thank you for the clergy. Thank you for musicians and writers and teachers and fabric makers. Thank you for the mechanics and carpenters and rocket scientists and lab techs. Thank you for coffee and honey and milk. Thank you for Apple and Star Link and Google and Kindle. Thank you for all the gifts of this fascinating life. Thank you for love. Thank you for kindness, Thank you for respect.  

thank you Jesus.  Your example reigns today . I would rather be like you  than all the trophy folk,  let me find god within and the serenity to do the next right thing.  Help me to know you and be of service today.  

Hallelujah. thank you Jesus. 

Yuma, after the deluge

Yesterday there was torrential rain all day here in Yuma. I just had time to walk Madigan before the rains began.  They ended after dark when I was able to walk Madigan again after a long day of virtual psychiatry work. I was glad to attend a meeting of Cyberdocs seeing the gang participating in the spiritual experience of recovery.  

I’d been driving in the country when I came across all these warnings of flash floods and saw where dikes had been worn away leaving only the unsupported railway tracks above them.  It was an experience.  The rain beat on the roof of the camper continuously. It was cool too. I ran the electric heater having checked the propane tanks and found them low. I’ll go for a propane run today at Cactus Storage and Propane over lunch.

I ate a sandwich with the new loaf of bread from Fry’s Bakery and tinned wild salmon and mayonnaise.  At night I had left overs.  I ate chips and noodles. I had wieners I could have barbecued but everything outside was wet and dismal.  Erick from San Diego the Hamm radio guy who’d parked next door a couple of days had said he loved the smell of the dessert after thee rain.  That has me taking deep breaths and trying to savour the fragrance.  I’ve not really noticed it

Weather seems to easily influence me now. I’m certainly glad I’m out of the north where Laura says it’s raining and cold with a forecast for weeks more. I’m a bit anxious as my time here seems to be running out. In December it seemed a lot but now there’s only 3 or 4 weeks before I have to be across the border again.  A four to 6 day drive too.  I booked the truck in for a couple of hours of service and check up on Friday,

This last couple of weeks I’d watched episodes of the series Band of Brothers of the US Airborne in Europe then the Pacific with the Marines fighting on the island.  Spielberg and Tom Hanks were the executive producers.  I liked Band of Brothers better than the Pacific or perhaps just so many evenings of the insaniety of war and killing got to me.  The night before last I watched Sean Connery as James Bond in the 1967 You only live twice.  It was an adventure and I truly enjoyed it surprised that it was from 1967. I just looked this up on Wikipedia and was surprised to see that the first James Bond was 1962, Dr. No, then 1963 From Russia with Love, Goldfinger 1964, Thunderball1965,then you only live Twice 1967 and Diamonds are Forever 1970.  If I’d been asked the dates of the movies I’d have thought they all were 5 years later.  I remember reading the Fleming novels in school before the movies . The late 60’s ,my high school years were certainly a heady time with the OO7 movies and the Beatles and the English Invasion.  The Vietnam War with the American involvement and the Cold War were all happening. I was an adolescent and everything in my adolescent years was filled with passion and excitement.

Last night I watched Cowboys and Aliens with Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford and Olivia Wilde.  I really enjoyed it only remember the movie from the middle and appreciating all the twists and humor years later. 

After a day of work the routine is to walk Madigan, prepare dinner and watch tv.  I have the new Amazon Fire TV mounted in the bedroom wall and take it out and set it on the kitchen counter to watch from the booth.  This seat I am sitting in now facing north is where I work at the computer, am sitting now, eat and watch tv.  Madigan mostly lies on the table or in the booth seat where Laura used to sit. I sometimes for a change sit over there and it’s a whole new view of the world.  After dinner he stares at me until I get a frozen ice cream bar I have to share the last bit. 

Today is cloudy and foggy.  Im a little dispirited and miss the sun.  I have liked best the noon hours I’ve used the hot tub and lay tanning by the pool for an hour.  That’s not going to happen today.  I’m actually at the state where I’m looking forward to returning home.  I’m not looking forward to the trying drive or the last of the winter weather back home but I am looking forward to ‘home’.  I’m becoming a bit lonely and longing for the old routine. I’ve noticed that happens after a couple of months of travel when the travel becomes its own work.  It was such a major thing to organized this and get the motorcycle, truck and camper here, to bring Laura down and have her dental work done and for me to get new glasses and leather good gifts for family. It’s all been a glorious advenure but without the sun today I kind of miss Burnaby and Laura and my Men’s group at Burnaby Fellowship. I miss the clinics and staff and the comraderie in work.  Thankfully Madigan is a companion, a rascal but still a companion.

When I’m blesse on a rainy day I have to remember gratitude . Thank you God for this day. Thank you for my dreams. I was in one of those house party dreams reminscient of the college years. I woke and the back pain has steadily been better. I have an adjustment booked for tomorrow but it’s less irritated . I so enjoy the dessert walks with Madigan. It’s become a bit of a social event with him meeting up with his little dog friends while I chat pleasantly with owners. I am thankful for the knowledge and training and experience that allow me to do this adventure. I am so thankful for the expeditions of the past, bicycling across Europe, white water canoeing, wildeness camping trips in the sub arctic, hiking the west coast trail and in the Sierras, homesteading raising chickens,  the sailing to Alaska , Mexico then solo sailing through winter hurricanes to Hawaii, motorcycle journey to Sturgis in the Black Hills, all the journeys to Europe, Africa and Asia, the Northern Mariana Island, and the moose hunting trips and times with Kirk and Jon and Tom  and other friends I shared adventures with. The girlfriends and wives of course.  The woman is central, romance and creativity. Thank you for those and the family. I’m been blessed with so many friends ands so thankful especially of those in recovery. It was such a journey to study science and medicine, writing and theology. I’ve been truly blessed. God is good all of the time .  I have been so thankful of all the learning  dance, theatre, music, mechanics and carpentry, surgery and obstetrics, medicine and family practice, public health,  psychiatry, psychotherapy and psychopharmacology, and addiction medicine and tropical medicine.  Then there were the physical studies, gymnastics, volleyball, jujitsu, swimming ,cycling, dance, yoga and tai chi.  I can’t forget the joy of dark rooms, photography and guitar that  gave me pleasure  many years too.  All this learning all the curiosities and blessings and exploration. I’ve been so blessed.  Ive always prayed and meditated for years. The only 10 years gap was when the psychiatrist said meditation damaged the brain and then another shared a joint. Alcohol and drugs over a ten year period didn’t offer anything but a detour and self realization, an appreciation of hell and increased longing for God and spirituality.  I also was exposed to the government abuse of power and the good and bad in beaurocracry,. Such learning. Such insights.  I am so thankful. I’d not be here without all of what has gone before.  Thank you God for the lessons and the journey. Thank you for the friends and even the enemies.  Thank you for the teachings of Jesus and the saints and masters of all religions.  Thank you most for my parents but thanks for all the mentors and instructors. Zen and the Art of Archery. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance . The Spirituality of Imperfection. The Hound of Heaven,  Einstein and Heidinger, William James and so many more, ideas and stories, history and literature. Thank you God for my eyes and five fingers and toes. Thank you for my breath. Thank you for this world. Thank you for life.  Thank you for letting me be of service. Thank you Jesus. 

Imperial Nature Refuge, Yuma

Madigan and I decided to take a ride on the Harley for our day’s adventure. I didn’t have a destination but had seen signs for recreational areas along the I95 when I’d driven to the Castle Dome Silver Mine.  It was a cloudy day but a great ride.  Madigan is tucking his head down behind me in his box at higher speeds. I can see his head in my rear view mirrors when he pokes them up.

The last mil  to the Imperial National Nature Refuge was gravel road but little lose gravel.  I don’t like gravel on the Harley but this was fine.  Madigan could get off the bike and run about. Dogs were just not allowed in the exhibit building. I enjoyed the raised viewing platform. 

There was a boat launch with pub and outboard gas pump. Lots of Quads and Dessert 4x4 s with a touring guiding centre.  I also saw all thes great RV and Fifth Wheel Rigs spotte about the dessert.  They were off grid with solar panels and good generators. I expected they could last a few weeks without much trouble.  Maybe military folk get ways or off grid living for the middle class.  More boat trailers and quads.

I drove back to the US Army Proving Ground entrance to get a picture of Madigan and the bike under the helicopter, Another motorcyclist was just leaving having done the same.  

Great day. Great ride. Great dog!

Yuma another day in the dessert

We slept in but it was a wonderful sleep with great dreams.  I awoke once at 2 am and went right back to sleep.  My back feels better every day I’m here especially when I get to the hot tub in the day.  

The horse shoe players are out across from me.  Normally I face into the Camper but today I moved to the other side of the table and am enjoying the more scenic view of the outdoors.  Madigan shifted to the other side and is now sleeping after our walk in the dessert.  A man walked by wearing pyjama bottoms.  I like this place.  Casually old folk winter escape.

I am more often seeing the jets that fly over,  I have learned to look ahead of the noise and saw four today along with a helicopter.

I’ve seen the doves and road runners and this longer bodied larger humming bird. 

I’ve enjoyed the week of work and need to take a trip to the post office to send paper work to the clinics.  I’m faced with one left to do and may do it after my coffee so they’re all on the way to the clinics. Anna and Kevin received the Portable toilet I sent them for a New Year’s present.  

It’ssnowing in Vancouver coupled with ice freezing and icey rain.  Laura keeps me abreast of the conditions.  Their clinic was closed and patients have had trouble driving in so here’s been many cancellations,  I remember this time last year my black water take pipes were clogged and frozen.  The suction truck came twice,  Kelvin was there a couple of times.  Finally as it thawed he was able to remove the offending blockage.  I had the second toilet so wasn’t inconvenienced n that regard but having the interruptions and transit and concern about would it be fixable before spring was just an added stress at a stressful cold miserable time. I also slipped and feared breaking something. I feel stronger now. I really do feel like I’m already recovering from the sick time of Covid.  I don’t have the anxiety I had and I’m relaxing. The pleasant dreams are an indication of that. 

The despair of patients and their depression gets through the barriers like chronic pain. I do the best I can.  I feel I’m being of service .  

I’m looking forward to the ride to the post office. I enquired about horse back riding but so far no luck finding some place to ride. I expect I’ll take a ride with the motorcycle and Madigan to the airport to see the Marine base and there’s a lack to see. It’s a pretty laid back weekend.  That’s good.  The day is overcast and I expect to do some calls to patients and hope to make my Friday meeting with IDAA.  

Amberbilly or Billy Amber continues as a project I’m enjoying. Cowboy Bill is another project.  I love the camper and travel.  I couldn’t ride at one place because they had a weight restriction of 200 lbs and I’m at least 220.  I think of travelling to Europe and worry about Laura’s stamina and weight.  These days she’s negative about anything that involves exercise and I just want to see everything and walk and exercise as much as possible. I’m pleased her sister walks her.  I don’t want to lose her and her weight I is killing her. I talked to a patient about their knees going and how they can’t keep up with their girlfriends going to art galleries.  There’s no real reason for the cost of travel to these places of culture if you’re not going to anything different than you do cheaply at home.  I have three projects on the bucket list, south Ireland (I really liked renting a car and seeing that with Laura) , New York, and the Berlin, Vienna Venice trip (this is the walking one and perhaps rent another Vespa, Laura doesn’t like to ride motorcycles anymore, on her own or as a passenger and the same with boats - she seems most to like reading on the couch and obviously can do that cheaply at home …I figure that ‘s what’s happening 10 years from now through no choice of ours so I don’t want to be an old man with her old lady issues when there’s a decade of youthful engaging gung-ho Carpe diem life….tat’s what happens with overheating addictions and other addictions , sloth and gluttony…..personally I prefer lust as it at least loses calories…I can’t believe I’m too fat for the pony ride place but my ideal weight of 6 feet would only be 200 lbs. not a lot of wiggle room.  I’d also Ike to go to  Thailand but that’s for the beach’s and something I can do older when I’m less capable of active tourist life. I see classmates doing Perus and Antarctica but it’s not that I want to but I’m part of a physically fitter section of my age range.  Obesity is the limiting factor. I certainly see that with the men and women here. There’s something with the grandparent thing too. I believe they’re more sedate and happy like our friends mom ‘to watch the children like tv’.  I remember Dad and Mom active together into there 80’s with Mom really happy to explore and got on cruise and road trips and visit new places and Dad active into his 90’s .  I don’t like addiction either. There’s a mind set that occurs with the food aholics and the alcoholics.  I ‘ve had my life with the ex and her cocaine and negativity. I’ve done my time and want to be free but thiss is my own addiction thinking, not focusing on my side of the street and doing what I can. I could be doing so much more exercise . I want to see a chiropracter this weeken and will drop by the one I’ve seen to see if I can make an appointment. Chronic pain is an issue but it’s better with exercise and I’m not doing enough. More reason for me to fear any lack of enthusiasm with activity. I too would rather suck the despair of sloth and gluttony. But I have had an addiction to nicotine and probably alcohol so I don’t want to go back to that materialism. My goal is to know god and that means less negativity myself. Less judgement and more serenity.  But I think I’m showering and others like the smell of my clean body but don’t reciprocate.  There’s that issue of self pity and takers and givers and entitlement.  I like the people in the program because we are constantly reminded and call each other and Im constantly reminded in my group. It’s the group that uplifts me.  

  I wonder about camping and hunting and fishing this year.  I do enjoy her and madigan in the Camper. I don’t know about overseas travel leaving Madigan because he’s a difficult dog and every year older he becomes better. I think of Ron maybe taking him. I have to go to Napanee before Adell sell’s her and Ron’s place . I meet resistance trying to sell the boat and wonder about seeking crew to take it down the inside passage or up the st Lawrence for a last adventure.  I prefer the camper and the immediate plan is to learn to pull the Fifth Wheel immediately I get back. I’ve a sense I’ve done my ocean travel and would first like to sell the sailboat.  

That’s a fair depiction of a slice of my insaniety.  I am here in the present with God and when I slip into the past or future I’m in the world of anxiety. Today I can find God. God is here and now. I’m blessed in this miracle of life I’m living, grateful for all of what I’m experiencing now.  A couple of years of planning and saving and here I am living the life. Thanks for the gifts of recovery,  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you for Laura, Madigan, my family, for this camper and Yuma, the sunshine and warmth. Thank you for my work and my ability to be of service.  

Yuma, Thursday Morning

There’s snow in the north.  Here it’s warm in the morning. The night wasn’t as cool as it has been. I’ve been able to swim, hot tub and lie by the side of the pool midday. It’s been a good week. I’m unwinding I believe.  The routine is good.  Work goes fine with even the complicated paper work being done.  

This morning I contemplated heaven.  Every day is full and sufficient of itself. Yesterday is a memory, a selected story little different from the dreams I wake from. Tomorrow is imagination and manifestation. All that counts truly is today where God is.  God is in the present.  The power of now, So the historic Jesus is an idea of today as are family and friends and other places.  I remember the epiphany of Jesus altering the dimensions of the existence.  God and creation as one. God and human as one.  

I remember Yahweh the name of God, “I am that is who I am.” Touching me.  The inner recognition of truth.  Revelation as the realization of my own god stuff. The feeling of being touched by God over and over again described by C.S. Lewis as ‘surprised by joy’.

I experience that here. Watching the sun rise and sun set.  Taking the time to sit and experience the day. Looking up at the clouds and stars and moon .  There are these moments over and over again of peace and calm. I feel heaven is within and I’m touching living heaven at times.  Brief encounters with the transcendent.  

Jesus is within.  Heaven is within.  The answer is within.  I like the adventure and journey outwards but it’s not the destination.  Spiritual consumerism the disease of the modern.  I’m here talking with God within.  The conversation is enough. The encounter with the hound of heaven.  Tuning my inner ear to the celestial.

There is work today.  I’ve enjoyed work this week, the sense of being helpful and contributing.  I like the security of income even if it’s a somewhat false security. God is all that is secure.  Faith and Grace.

I renewed my membership to CMDA.  The woman there said ‘grace’. Grace was a part of our conversation  I expressed concern about my individualness and the failure of the institution of marriage for me and my disappointment for the CMDA during the Covid crisis when individual pastors but not institions stood up to tyranny.  I missed Bonhoffer’s voice in Canada and missed the voice of St. Francis’s and spirituality.  It seemed the church was just another government agency as was CMDA.  I was wrong to be judgemental perhaps feeling my own guilt after a lifetime of sacrifice and service looking now to comfort and pleasure.

Obesity, Gluttony and Sloth are so much more concerning than Lust yet the perversion of the world favours vices.  The obese wag their fingers at the polyamorous.  The family becomes its own idol while the government ravishes the believers.  State churches, are they different from Beijing and Constantine.  

I’m here in the now and could be writing treatise on these thought. I could be sitting in a library, researching and writing but frankly I’d rather walk the dog and finish this coffee before setting out on my day of work.

I emailed a trail ride place asking if they could accommodate me tomorrow or Saturday for a couple of hours.  I told them I was 220 lbs but I think I’m more like 240.  The other trail ride place said they only took people who were 200 lbs. Discrimination or a focus on little horses.  Do I  need a Clydesdale now?  Mostly I’ve been given Morgans at stables. I’d rather a little horse but don’t want to over burden him or her.  I’d just like to enjoy the movement again, It’s been 5-10 years.  I’d like to ride again and more perhaps.  I ride my motorcycle with joy and wonder if my struggle selling my sailboat is a message I’m to do more sailing.  I could gather the retired guys for a run. I just worry about the cost especially if something goes wrong. Im so much more satisfied with this camper.  I imagine my fifth wheel will be even more enjoyable but I wonder about a smaller fifth wheel or bus. I could consider trading that in.

I imagine a trip to see Berlin, Vienna and Venice.  I’d like to return to Ireland and New York. I have a desire to wander museums and art galleries but the issue is whether I’d like to travel au femme , alone, or with others.  I have Madigan so I’m happy to be outside and this camper is a great home base for our travels.  I could well continue what I’m doing for another year and each year older he’s less barbarian.  Europe and museums and galleries are not dog world.  New York wouldn’t work either.  Maybe. I always think walking about galleries would be more enjoyable in a skirt but when I’m in the gallery I’m sufficiently charmed by the art that I’m not aware of how Im dressed.  The activity is what defines the clothing. On my motorcycle I like leathers and jeans. I wish kilts were lighter. I like the feeling of long and short skirts. Like the Roman wear.  Short do it for me mostly but they’re not what I imagine in museums. I’m into this fashion and image issue.  I like photography and have always enjoyed Laura’s company on these excursions.  I just missed her after the Louvre.

I’m alone and talking with God but God speaks through people as well. I’m not lonely. I have this dog partner. I do feel a desire for companionship.  I like lying naked in bed with another. That experience is akin to sex now which involves work and effort and doens’t come spontaneously.  I can hope for the return of some athleticism. I spontaneously ran for fun yesterday. I do that still sometimes but wish I’d return to jogging seriously. I would be better if I exercised more and here I’m improving.  

Thank you God for this day. Thank you for my positive dreams. Thank you for wakening. Thank you for the sunshine and pleasant weather Thank you for my family and friends. Thank you for coffee.  Thank you for Madigan.  Thank you for Yuma.

Yuma, Sunsets and Sunrises, another day in paradise

I woke feeling good from a dream of adventure. I was with my sailboat and travelling over rocky trails.  All was going well and I awoke.  

Last night was a glorious sunset with some mauve and peach in the eastern sky with the blazing orange in the west.  This morning I took a picture of the sunrise and cactus.  

I’ve prayed this morning and asked god’s guidance. “My sweet lord. I really want to know you.”  I’m loving life so i want to know the god within and more of this life. I enjoyed my clinic yesterday and the meeting.  Virtual is working well.  Today I’m hoping for a swim and sauna . All I have to do is send a triplicate hard copy in the mail this week.  That means a trip to the post office during the day. Good excuse for a motorcycle ride. 

I called another yacht broker

I watched Days of Wine and Roses with the story of AA.  The DT’s and detox brought back memories for me with patients.  It was pretty true.  Lee Remick was beautiful but tragic.  I most liked the line , there are two worlds , the sober and the world of alcohol.  It summed up the spiritual journey I had .  Caused to be wonder about monks and stoicism.  

I’m enjoying hedonism now with my pleasant existence, I’m healing too trying to address the chronic back pain and instability.  I don’t feel manly with such limitations, Aging seems feminine for me but I think of my Dad caring for my mom till the end.  She was such a giving soul and today the women are not nearly as sacrificial as her generation.  I see feminism has killed chilvarlry.  All I see now is men giving and sacrificing a nd women taking and complaining.  That may be FB though. I’ve enjoyed the couples here and in my group who’ve lived a good life together raising families and now are living like buddies in old age, like mom and dad and their good same club.

Alone I’m not sure what my future is.  Laura is certainly my buddy with Madigan but she has her whole family, sister and children.  I’ve lost family and friends and don’t feel connected to the ones in the east or north. I’m connected but don’t really enjoy the company of others.  I cross dress and write and read.  I don’t fit in the social lives of others. I look forward to more travel. I admire Donny now in Brazil visiting the falls.  I know men in Thailand and Roger is travelling.  I can enjoy that but guess I could have a base in Burnaby but the cost of living there is devastating.  I’m okay now but the future seems bleak. Here the cost of living is remarkable with $50,000 to $100,000 houses. Belinda posts property in Nova Scotia and I’ve been attracted to that.  City living appeals to the elderly with more service . I think of the city having done so much country and liking dressing up for the symphony and walks in galleries. I like the ‘gentile’.  I especially like sitting outside and people watching and writing. Commercial street was good for that.  I might need a cafe somewhere.  Ireland appeals.  

It’s a rabbit hole whenever i think of the future so one day at a time. I do the next right thing. Now that seems selling my boat and enjoying this camper .  I’m enjoying this Good Sam resort with electricity water etc,  No off the grid living though I’m ready for that. I think of returning to Canada over 2 weeks with working continuing till that last week of major travel up the coast. I’d like to decrease the days of driving and get more down time on the way back.  I’m here a few more weeks then will head to San Diego and LA to reduce the length of journey. I could even go up more north and get the cold as I will have had the sun and heat .  

I really ought to be thinking more of God when I write this. The Creator. All is God. I’m the son of God .  The death of Jesus permeated the world with the idea.  The idea of Christ is here today. Lazarus.  Resurrection,  Direct communion with God. Jesus the portal .  Love as the language.  I will endeavour to do my best today and be kind and understanding.  It’s a good day.  Thank you Jesus.

Los Algadones

I’m sitting in MediPlaza waiting for Sol optical to make me another pair of glasses.  They cost $140 and take 2 hours. They’re progressive prescription. I can have a pair keep extra pair in the vehicles.  It’s the facial bling.  I also bought some jewelry from Sandra and a leather bag from the married couple who sold Laura her purse and now for the second years had the purses I sent as gifts to the girls in the family.  

I have medications , antibiotics for the emergency kits.  Inexpensive.  

I like watching the young pretty MOA’s and dental nurses go by.. The old people my age are well tanned but aren’t fit like the locals.  Obesity and arthritis take their told on the old. Better to gain weight than be losing it as a result of a wasting disease.

I’ve worked all week an enjoy this time .  I’m in another country. I have disposable income and the prices are low.  I don’t have anything I really want but it’s comforting to know I could buy something if I wanted. I was thinking of a leather jacket but so far haven’t seen a thigh that appeals .

Mostly people are shorter here.  

A fellow with a motorcycle has pulled up and left it parked on the road.  I think I’d like to bring my motorcycle acros the border as an adventure.  I figure despite its value it would be safe here.  The guys at Bobby’s Territorail Harley figured I’d be safe in the few hundred miles near the border.  I read that Los Algadones is considered by the US to be one of the safest places.  So many professionals and such a wealthy community selling health and dental services to the norteamericanos.  

I’m thankful to be here.  I don’t like the line up to return across the border and I worry that I’ve spent too much money when I go through customs. I haven’t but it’s that border crossing anxiety reaching back to the difficulties I had young.  

I’ll be glad to use the washroom here and then wander about some more.  Exercise is good. I’ve a few small purchases like coffee I could make.  I want to get back to the border as the line up begins at 3 and it will be 2 when I get my glasses.

Thank you for this day. Thank you Jesus for all your blessings. Thank you for fun and pleasure. Thank you for confidence and wealth and creativity. Thank you for writing, this ipad and jewelry . Thank you for all the riches I have and family and friends Thank you for Madigan.  Thank you Jesus. 

Yuma morning

I drove over to the Cactus storage locker and picked up my other bag of clothing.  The Amber bag.  Enjoying the lightness of being. Thinking of hedonism and stoicism.  Liked reading Kirk Prem talk of ‘connection’ with the supreme.  I work and am busy in the chaotic details of individual disease and become anxious myself.  It’s like a little soot on the walls when being a St. Francis channel.  I wonder when I’ll make more time for meditation and exercise. I remember Dad at 90 doing his Air Force exercises. I always remember him frying up eggs for his breakfast that last year in Winnipeg before we went to visit Mom in the hospital.  I like the memory of him growing tomato plants on the balcony in the old folks home.  Sweetest little tomato I ever ate.

 Going to Mexico tomorrow for meds.  I cut my heal slipping on steps and did’t even notice until Madigan kept licking there. I’m so cautious about feet yet there I was and I didn’t get iodine on it for a day.  I have to thank him.  It’s healing. I put more iodine on in but I’d like more fucidin.  I have doxycycline but would like more of that and estrogen.  The mixed path of discovery.  

I’m at home and safe in the conservative world but just like I found a Christian community in recovery I believe there’s a Christian inclusive world. Certainly my church is but it’s my own issues of shame and self doubt.  I would like to be integrated.  I like the south because there’s just less clothing.  I loved living in shorts sailing in the tropics.  I don’t like ‘pants’ . I’m rarely wearing jeans here and mostly in shorts or sweats. I like the short skirts and would have done well in Roman world. I can’t say togas appeal.  I must get to more fashion shows. One of things I most enjoy in galleries and museums is the period fashion.  I love the models on Facebook.  Part of the difficulty with going out is the whole ‘dressing’ thing. I could live in flannel pyjamas and go to the symphony in them.  It’s the stress of getting from place to place.  Like this virtual work reality I’m in with the short sleeved work shirt and shorts. I still change to a t shirt when I go out in the back ‘yard’, a little place behind my camper, where I sit on a chair and Madigan who did this with Laura sits on my lap. He actually sits still. I read and listen to the doves,

I like that this camper has everything almost within reach but very convenient like the sailboat.  I loved those Japanese apartments with everything built into the walls and walls that moved to alter the space,  

I am reducing the extraneous ‘stuff’ here.  I have two brooms and 2 electric heaters. I bought an expresso maker and it sits on the counter.  I miss the microwave. It’s these ‘utlilities’ I used daily that create clutter but I have plates for a dozen and only need enough for two.  I gathered up all the little creams that were taking up space in the limited bathroom, I really need to put barriers in the mirrored cabinet case so I can use that space. Only a little can be used because the rest falls out. A bit of netting perhaps.  I ‘m pleased I put up the hooks for the serving spoons,  I enjoy being here and using it. In the past it was just a base camp for weeks of hunting and weekends of camping so there was no need for efficiency or design.  The spice rack that Kelvin installed is a Godsend. I now just have to sor what spices I actually need and have them out. There’s also a mess in the drawers.  I loved off shore sailing when I had my boat shipshape.  This is getting there.  My home is a mess and I look forward to de cluttering that when I return.

Laura says it’s snowing and everyone has the flu. I’m thankful here for the light. Lovely dawn this morning.  Madigan met a 9 month old poodle named Sasha.  His mom was so pleased that Madigan played with him

Another day of God’s grace. Thank you God for the sun and warmth. Thank you God for this body. Thank you for Family and Friends.  Adell said the second parcel arrived at the po in Napanee. Thank you for Laura. Thank you for Madigan. Thank you for the clinics and work. thank you for technology Thank you for Yuma.  Thank you for the doves.  Thank you for all your blessings.

Yuma morning

Good morning God. It’s a beautiful morning with clear blue sky and the temperature is warmer.  I’ll walk the dog soon. I’m wearing my blue flannel shirt and sweaters but already think I’ll look for my shorts. I am thankful for all your blessings.   

I have meditated and thought of the second mail package I sent to the nephews and haven’t heard from. So I found the receipt and tracking number and sent it to them.  I also sorted my receipts too. I’ve made a coffee and am drinking it. I told Laura I’m planning a run to Mexico on Friday.

I’ve a plan today to run to the storage locker. Maybe right now.

Thank you God for my work. May I serve you well and do my duty to the best of my ability and have your help and guidance.  Thank you for this mobile camper home in the desert. Thank you for my motorcycle .  Thank you for my truck.

Thank you for family and friends. Please be with them.  

I phoned the Marina and asked for help again with a yacht broker. I’d like to sell my sailboat and yet it may mean I have a trip to make in the summer. I would like to see the great nephews and say good bye to my brother again. His place is planned to be sold and I certainly understand Adell as it was their dream and way too much for one person to manage.  The kids continue in Ottawa and it’s too far to go. I’d thought to move there to be closer to Ron but now I’m back to enjoying being near Laura.  I’m a bit of Gypsy.  I enjoy the clinics and staff and patients so for now I muddle on.  

My mind ipad died but my Canada apple care couldn’t get it replaced till I returned to Canada so I packed it and bought a new one. I’ve been using it to read kindle and fb and enjoy it more for recreation than the big iPad I’m using mostly now for Doxy me.  The thing is I’m working and the $500 cost now didn’t bother me and I’ll be recouped the cost in a few months .  If I wasn’t working and living off savings I’d feel that. I’d feel I’d have to budget and be concern but working with an income I just take it in stride.  I would find a lot of other savings though as much of what I have is related to work and the costs of maintaining a practice are high. I certainly would do the work , I’m a major handyman, but I hire people because I would rather focus on my speciality.  Retired I’d enjoy cleaning and I installed the cellular booster with pleasure and would get back into working on engines even if need be though more likely I’d have less need for ‘speed’ and simplify my life with days of fishing and hiking.  I would pray more and exercise more. 

I’ve been looking into chiropractors but may just go to the fellow in Mexico when I’m there since they’re so much more accommodating.  I don’t want to plan my time off at this point.  

I love the sunsets.  It rained here one day this week and was cool but it’s now back to the routine. I’m thankful.