Thursday

I’ve made it this far in the week.  Madigan pounced on me when I woke up. I was in a deep sleep when the alarm startled me awake. Despite hitting the snooze I couldn’t get another moment’s peace. I was awake

Breakfast of coffee, banana, protein bar and yoghurt.  Madigan heard me open the wrapper on the protein bar and was instantly off the bed and in the living room beside me.  

We walked. It’s drizzling. 

I plugged the battery tender into the Harley I think I may need a new one after it was used so little during covid summers. I’ve been riding the Vespa.

I continue to wonder if my transgender desires are sex addiction or identity woes.  It’s tied to retirement and the sense that my career is winding down and I don’t have a real purpose. I’d said that I’d write books but I can do that in a skirt.  The manliness of sailing cross oceans, hunting big game and motorcycling across country no longer seems necessary. I’m feeling weak and vulnerable and sedentary. I want to drink coffee and write but am longing to be in the south again.  

I’m also reflecting a lot on God. What does God want of me. What is my relationship with God. What is heaven and death.  What next.  

It’s a new day. Rejoice.  Thank you Lord.