Frazerway RV and Evil

Frazerway RV sold me a defective camper. The salesman promised me that it was not water damaged. He lied. I was in an accident and the insurers found that the camper was water damaged .  They say that in the couple of years I owned the camper that it ‘leaked’ because I didn’t check the ‘seals’.  I’m an offshore blue water sailor who sailed through two hurricanes crossing the Pacific solo in winter and am assured I know about seals.  I even hired Starfleet RV Service to check my seals in their seasonal repair work.  But Diana Smith calls me a liar and says that I must pay a blank cheque in addition to the tens of thousands of dollars the Insurance Company has offered to pay Frazerway RV.  Diana Smith has been so abusive.  I left the. RV 9 months ago at Frazerway with the promise it would be ‘fixed’ by spring.  I had bought from Frazerway RV because the salesman said that we make the Campers and can fix anything and will do it quickly so you won’t lose any time camping.

I find myself reflecting on other women who were abusive of doctors and they all were mentally ill or grossly addicted to marijuana or alcohol. They worked out their hatred of men through positions of power.  I find myself having the recurrent nightmares of the psychotic female beurocrat Maureen Peircey.  She was the divorced woman bureaucrat who defended my former  asssitant  I’d terminated.  My waiting room patients complained that she was smoking crack when I was in my office. She stole from me. After she was gone computer security  personnel showed she’d broken into police files,  and was running her own business off my computer, using my software to do pornography photography of herself.  The computer security firm I hired found she’d unlocked my confidential police files and given that I had the state of the art security and encryption could only assume she’d stolen my password looking over my shoulder.  ,  Then her boyfriend , a degenerate grandiose addict began to threaten my life all because they had targeted me for extortion demanding that I pay they off to go.  She wass just a very sick psychopath.  I felt betrayed by the people who promoted her, the minister who promoted her, the references I called who apologized and said they’d only been her ‘johns’.  But mostly I was so disappointed in the government some n who ‘allied’ with a psychopath against me.  I felt rage and when the silly little boy she’d chosen to act out her proxy violence threatened me it was all I could do to not kill him.  Literally.  Years of working with the violently insane and finding these people in my office alone threatening me with violence and extortion and feeling no support from the government and doctors who I falsely expected were against crime.  Two years of time and money involved in dealing with a psychopath in recovery and all the other addiction doctors kindly sharing their stories of administrative assistants stealing, Maureen Piercy hating male doctors, deeply disturbed, arrogant and ignorant.   Even though the police verified she’d stolen from me, she admitted it herself and told the police if they persisted in harassing her she’d charge them with sexual harassment.  

I felt so vulnerable and betrayed each day going to work helping addicts and alcoholics and doing everything in my power to treat illness all the while these women joined together to do evil.

I took a course at UBC on suffering , ‘why bad things happen too good people’.  Everyone said I was good. Even the police thought I’d been targeted by her boyfriend a known sociopath and her.  I was Jungian trained in psychoanalystic therapy. I’d done years of individual therapy. I’m a chemist. My first thought was to kill. Young I’d show up in  the wee hours of the morning and tap them on the shoulder and ask to discuss their problem.  But I’m a Christian and I’m supposed to turn my cheek 70x70 , slow to anger, before I o everything in my power to defend myself, since Jesus served the Centurions and Christians ‘win in the end’.  Slow to anger. I felt rage.  But Jung taught that when I was angry that whatever bothered me was something in myself.

It’s 25 years ago I stopped drinking and smoking marijuana and cigarettes. My ex wife was addicted and a threat to herself and others. Her cocaine problem was such that her impairment occasioned the psychiatrist to recommend she go to treatment in San Diego.  The dealers were preying on her for her money. She didn’t keep her appointment. I left saying I can ‘either stay at home and watch you or got to work and help a hundred people ‘ but I can’t do both. This time of the year is always difficult for me.  Stopping drinking I realized I’d always had a difficulty with women who were actively using and boozing.  It was the pattern of my life and my marriages.  I re entered therapy in sobriety and studied spirituality and Christian theology. I also sailed solo in storms and rode Harleys across the country while big game hunting shooting moose at 500 yards all the while. I’d already collected a large amount of poisons paranoid and ready with my chemistry to address anyone water supply.  

I was suicidal back then and the women were homicidal.  It was 25 years ago that I made the committment to God and surrendered Thy Will Be Done, not My Will.  I studied Martin Buber who said that the world reduced to a relationship, I and It, the paranoid position, the position of the cave man and woman.  The evolution of character and consciousness is to I and Thou.  JOB, the chapter of the Old Testament about God and the Devil wagering with the lives of Job and his family.  Jesus dying on the cross saying “My God, My God, Why hast thou forsaken me.? “Eli Eli, Lama Sabachtani?”  Jesus surrendered to the Father.

When I was treating Vets and a vet who had murdered a woman came to the emergency to murder any psychiatrist because a psychiatrist had said he was too dangerous for the military after several tours and he was unceremoniously discharged as broken and uselesss.  I remember as he told me how he was going to kill me locked in that little room I thought I’ve spent my life specialist in healing people, delivering babies and doing surgery and now working with the most in need and most marginalized , I was no match for someone who spent their life learning to kill and killing so I surrendered. I prayed and had acceptance.  I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it if it was God’s plan.

I’d wanted to be a missionary but Jack Hildes who got the Order of Canada for his work with Circumpolar Health and the Northern Medical Unit convinced me to become a fly in doctors to the isolated reserves.  He said ‘we have natives here without medical care no different than in Africa.”  So I spent the next 10 years first as a family physician then as a psychiatrist making countless flights into the wilderness , surviving a plane crash, which injured my back, getting shot at, and countless times threatened on the ‘wet reserves’, and acquiring TB, the year of treatment damaging my ears leaving me deaf.

I’d been to church and ashrams and studied Buddhism 8 fold path and did ‘right livelihood’.  I struggled to do my best. I took an oath to do no harm. I forfeited high income for service.  The materialists laughed at my lifelong marshmallow test and the thought of rewards in heaven..

But we are only in heaven when we can love hell.  Mostly I’ve thought this is hell. There is only Now. God is in the present. The past and future are illusions. I spend much of my time relieving schizophrenics and addicts of the torments of their lives and thinking but grounding them. One day at a time. The truth and facts are now. All else is conjectured.

Carl Jung taught that all the people in a dream are yourself.  The shadow is the unknown enemy within. Milton in Paradise Lost taught that Satan was the first angel who chose to look at his shadow rather than the light of God.  The law of attraction says that if we focus on evil we will gain more evil till we no longer need or want it.  The Tibetan Book of the Dead says we reincarnate as a team, some hundred or thousand of us together all acting out the roles of love and fear. Emerson, the father of American philosophy wrote “if the redslayer thinks he slays or the slain thinks he is slain, they know not well the ways I keep and turn and toss again.’

In this life I’m the good guy because in my last life I was the bad guy. It’s all karma but its now. All the characters of my life are aspects of myself now because God is omniscient and physicists teach the spiritual. It’s seen in the fractuals and the particle and wave.  String theory teaches higher power.  Do I love or fear.  There is only love and fear. Anger is the fight of the fight and flight equation of the fearful.

Why do I fear Diana Smith at Frazerway RV.  Why does this corrupt unprofessional abusive evil sick organization and individual remind me of those other times I’ve been attacked by the devil and my own ignorance.  What is it about me that attracts such psychotic and disturbed women.

Hitler had Eva Braun.  Stalin’s wife committed suicide. Sophie tells Trudeau she wants more nannies.  

All women are variations of the lover or mother or daughter in the Jungian sense. Canada has become gynocentric celebrating the Fifty Shades Kardasian porn star childless teenage while the Catholic Church celebrated the mother of Jesus.  The God of Christianity is the Trinity, the Holy Spirit feminine and the father and son. The family God. Jesus was the servant God. The aetheist Marx wanted war till his side won. Islam calls itself the religion of peace but fails to say that will only occur when all are subject to Allah.  In AA I learned ‘live and let live’.  Women and Men sex and war.  Men are direct while women prefer proxy.  There is the Overt and Covert Agression.  The Big Brain of man is for deceit.  We didn’t ask the water Buffalo if we could eat it. The great fight off evolution was the Big Cat and man prevailed because he and his wife were more devious than the house cat, as inconceivable as that is.

Now I’m attacked by Diana Smith and Frazerway RV.  My insurers said they’d pay and 9 months has passed and Diana Smith has done nothing. The spring and summer are here and I don’t have a camper. My friend Laura exhausted as I am and other health care workers are after more than 2 years of Covid want to get out of this city and camp.

I’m trying to understand what God is telling me.  I’m at the age or retirement. I thought I’d continue to work but as this is happening I don’t feel I have the infrastructure to continue to work here.  I’m a subspecialists.  Diana Smith and Frazerway are business people. While I’ve been training to the highest level , beyond the local ability to support subspecialization, like a surgeon dependent on lighting and generators I’m finding that the business community of Vancouver, Surrey, Abbotsford and Langley, indeed BC is world renowned for it’s corruption. When I was at a conference in Washington I was told that Vancouver was the principal conduit of drugs into America. Marijuana was an 80 billion dollar criminal industry but the Prime Minister, himself a user wanted the money for the government.  Jesus was killed by government. Steal a little and they put you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king.  Now Vancouver remains as the Heroin conduit of North America, billions of dollars of crime. Crystal meth too. The BC Casinos have already been  exposed for the money laundering centre and now it turns out that the highest cost of living here is because the housing market is another multi billion dollar money laundering scheme. 

I’ve just done medicine.  I’ve studied decades and beyond with an alphabet of degrees behind my name and a life time of accomplishment. I’ve caught and stopped so many pedophiles and their writings always show up in rate your doctor. My forensic colleagues and I commiserate. The addicts i refused to give drugs to even the ones who pointed guns at me in the office have hated me and attacked my good reputation as a clinician.  Drug dealers killed my dog and I regret the times I did the ‘right thing’ because I believed the government and the people i helped would appreciate it. But I’ve read Arendt and seeing the government today with idiots the likes of Trudeau in high place despite their unethical and often criminal behaviour it makes it all seem absurd.  

The sense of hopelessness returns .  I’m paralyzed in the homicide and suicide of my brain. I’m attacked and subjected to the seige and the passive aggressive or female aggression of failure to do your part. I remember all the men I saw in marriage therapy who had agreed to marriage, been providers and protectors, did their work, but came home to cold sexless loveless homes with alcoholic drug addicted wives and a cold marriage bed. The yin and yang of the overt aggression of testosterone driven war versus the withholding passive aggressive estrogen driven seige, covert aggression. I loved reading Turing and the Enigma machine and recently watching Troy and the seige and deviance.

i can treat hundred patients, doing my medicine or be distracted and care for one. I am here now faced again with the same evil.

What is is about me that attracts the Diana Smith and Frazerway RV devil. Everyone I consults say that they are Evil and Corrupt. All who have walked this 9 month journey , insurance and other campers and family tell me I did no wrong. I’ve paid all the money I have . My friend a multi millionaire laughs and says ‘doctors aren’t good businessmen.’ How can we be. I’ve lived my life learning everything nerve and blood vessel of the body, every way to save an infants life. I’ve stopped until number of suicides and homicides by treated the dangerously insane and the dangerous and addicted. I’ve worked with the most difficult most marginazed populations.  I’m tired. My brother used his big brain in business administration and made a fortune in business but I’ve devoted myself to medicine.  While I’ve sailed and camped and studied so many things I’ve listened to medical audiotapes and read countless journals and books a year. I’ve brought all this training and experience to work and yet the infrastructure of business is corrupt and criminal and people prey now on the elderly, the vets and the mentally ill and best doctors are leaving.  

I want to run away.  I am faced with my devil. The shadow.  I’ve walked away from mansions and millions. I stayed in BC not because of the city. The corruption here and the filth and gang war fare and the corrupt and evil political entities like TRudeau in Canada and knowing that I walk among people who vote for such banality has me escaping every chance I get to the wilderness. That’s what BC is ‘God’s Country’.  The outdoors here are what brought me back from living in Marin County California,.  The wonders of camping and fishing and hunting and sailing and skiing here have had me coming back from living in tropical islands, Mexico , England.  Now I don’t know. The cost of gas makes travel exhorbitant,  Vancouver devolves into gang gun fights. Walking my dog my life and my dog’s life are threatened by an addict. The failure of the government to address addiction and crime and homelessness had Stanley Park nearly burnt to the ground by the crystal meth addicts who live now in the woods. 

I’m getting old.  What have I done wrong? What is wrong with me? What must I do? I have given so much of my earnings away, after the government has taken it’s 70% and the the cost of practice makes me the lowest paid of my colleagues.  I left surgery and became a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists, internists and family physicians are the lowest paid here.    I loved that the promises of AA Said ‘fear of economic insecurity would leave us’. But with Trudeau’s corrupt energy police and government created obscene inflation with the collusion of the corrupt Bank of England and the censorship of the CBC and elite control of information we have become more akin to the dictatorships of communist china and the Middle East royal dictatorships akin to the 15th century pre Magna Carta.

70 churches were burnt to the ground in Canada last year. The elderly on fixed pensions are going to food courts and everyone in my practices lives in fear of eviction. The 60 year olds, 70 year olds and 80 year olds are desperate. They saw what government institutions did to the elderly and frai during Covid. Only the rich can escape Trudeau’s Medical Assisted Suiciee programs as he expands it to the mentally ill and other undesirables. Only his friends are immune.  

And I ask what do you want me to do God? What is this a sign of?

Its’ the anniversary of 25 years of sobriety when I surrendered as I had held hostage, as I had knowing as the planet crashed in the north that there was nothing I could do but pray. I pray all the time but now my prayers are interrupted by my fears and resentment of Diana Smith and Frazerview RV.  

Based on their promises I expected to have my camper back in May.  Laura’s and I canceled our May long weekend camping.  It was raining. Despite my love of vamping in the rain since I don’t tent any more and loved the camper I didn’t react, When Diana Smith didn’t return the calls made by insurance and myself and I had to cancel patients to make Time in my schedule to try to contact her royal highness since she only worked 9-5 while I’ve worked 24/7 all my adult life seeing 10,000 patients, hundreds of children and so many nightmares.

I have worked p;ast the retirement age and past the new older retirement age that Trudeau has introduced. I’ve given my soul to the company store and Diana Smith and Frazerway RV hate the elderly. We’re just food to these cannibals.  They prey on us. At a time when I would be resting from a life of service I’m abused and obscenely mistreated by a very sick and angry woman .

But that’s to Jung, my shadow and my anima,  I’m in heaven when I can love hell. Love your enemy.  Jesus said Love God and Love your neighbour as yourself. He didn’t say love your good neighbour.   Diana Smith and Frazerway RV are my bad neighbour . They’re they crack addicted psychopath.  They’re Satan. They’re my Shadow.  

To love doesn’t mean to die. When patients have tried to kill me and gangs have attacked me I defended myself.  The first rule of lifesaving was to save the other only if it doesn’t cause you to die. If a person is in a Mexican standoff with you and you both are faced with shooting ,shooting your enemy in self defense saves them going to hell. If you let them murder you they do two crimes.  Trudeau said ‘if you kill your enemy he wins,’. What a fat cat trust fund mentally incompetent runt of the litter bully of girls and their.  Jesus only died because he said ‘thy will be done,’. His men carried knives and defended the girls and the apostles weren’t above killing. The effete Jesus is not the Jesus I met in Jerusalem. A man who walked with Fishermen and Herdsmen across the desert of Israel isn’t a fancy clad girl in a silk dress.  It’s not her suited businessman Herod lover easy.  It’s a whole different story. I can kill in self defence as a Christian. CS Lewis spoke to the troops in WWII. He was said to be the soul of the nation while Churchill was called the heart of the nation.  Killing Nazis was holy in it’s day as later killing the invading communists was a sit was at the crusades when Mohammed killed all the Jews, Zoarasterians and Christians that had inhabited the Middle East before Mohammed’s Jihad against all but his tribe began. 

I wonder if I should have devoted my life to killing. Trudeau made billions of selling war supplies last year.  Very clever. I’m often thinking as a doctor I’m a fool especially at the end of my career when I look back and see that all that I did for free didn’t go to the patients but was taken by the government and put in their pockets, clever businessmen , laughing to the back and the service of teachers, doctors, ministers.  

I am too quick to self pity. Such narcissism.  Im the agent of my own suffering. I attract the devil  It’s a sunny day in paradise and I’m letting the Diana Smith and Frazerway RV distract me from my patients from the day from my worship of god and my gratitude.  What am I supposed to learn. How can i get out of this .  Am I to walk away like I did when my wife refused to get treatment for her cocaine and drug addiction leaving tens of millions of dollars in her hand,  I paid the extortion fee to the criminal woman the college backed . I don’t want to fight. I walk away. I sail away.  I ask myself what am I supposed to learn from this.  

The immigrant doctors who have left their countries have come with their clever business practices and families of business minded ness. Their countries are more corrupt than Canada so they prefer to take their education and serve themselves and their families. They don’t want the wilderness. They don’t want the lost civil liberties of this once great country. Maybe it’s my bent vision. If I looke to the light and disregard the darkness. The light conquers the darkness.  

God what is it I can do ? Thy will be done, I’m immobilized by this. This time of the year is always difficult. 25 years ago I was suicidal and homicidal and I surrendered.   I don’t drink , haven’t for 25 years. I go to church and study and pray and meditate and now ask for help because I simply don’t know what I’m doing to attract this ..

I call it the Eva Brawn syndrome. Good Men killed Hitler but today good somen won’t address the Eva Brawn’s of the world. Where is Joan of Arc when we need her.  

i am contemplating a sex change.  Girls just want to have fun. As Leonard Cohen wrote, I want a new face.  My face is ruined with wrinkles and age and countless nights as the side of beds, listening to the worst people describe the most demonic things  and all the shame and guilt and being tin the presence of the possessed and psychopathic. Some has I can’t spend enough time in the shower then I realize there but for the grace of god go I and I am the one who killed Jesus. I am God and the devil.  I know projection.  I’m failing to learn from my mistakes.  I am here again faced with the same old passive aggressive seige and attack.  Evil prevails for a while. What am I to learn. Am I to leave and walk away. What is it I am to do. Now I’m behind work because Im distracted.  I have either time for Diana Smith and Frazerway or the hundreds of patients that see me.  They can focus all their efforts on making money and arbitrarily working 9 to 5 in the illusion of money where as today someone will tell me they’re going to kill the selves.  Yesterday someone was seizuring.  I m thankful for my colleagues but I’m weary so very weary asking what I”m doing wrong, Please God show me the way. Thy will be done. I surrender.