Hard Start, 5 Snooze bar presses

I was dreaming I was at a meeting of friends.  I think I’m missing my annual conference. I’d also lost a favorite medical text but had a binder with me.  I was streaming into a lecture theatre with a lot of good folk and the subject was spiritual and the presenter divine. I woke at 4 30.  I felt good. I used the washroom and crawled back into bed under the thick warm comforters feeling grateful. I’d gone to bed early too.  I’m reading Edinburgh Dusk, a detective novel placed in 19th century Scotland. Good late night read. I’m also reading a history of Scottish Art.

I woke again when the alarm went off at 630.  I hit the snooze bar.  I even hit it one last time after Madigan jumped on my face like a rodeo horse.  It was kind of a pout. If you’re going to interfere with my getting up, then I’m not getting up. I felt kind of 5 years old.  

I was feeling lonely, a bit like my life is bare. I’ve been working longer hours and everyone is in despair.  The APA said depressions were 3x worse this last year.  Just numbers but if the prevalence of depression is 30 % that means 90% are depressed. I was sad and irritated by a person critizing me and the staff for not seeing her more frequency or responding to her emergencies.  I wrote a letter saying I’ll never be able to meet her expectations. I read that the ‘burnt out’ ration for health care workers is 90%.  I think I’m doing good to get up and go to work. I liked reading Elizabeth Taylor saying, you just get up and fight through.’  I like saying to myself do the next right thing. 

I was up and dressed and haf the garbage and Madigan on a leash.  I immediately saw my beautiful neighbour. She stopped to greet Madigan. Her and her husband are in the film industry.  Then. Peter appeared with Madigan’s girlfriend Bella, and their new havanese Luka, only 10 weeks old.  The dogs has a marvellous sniff and greet while Peter and I talked weather and pleasantry.

I was so exhausted and brain weary and worked so late last night I missed my meeting. I watched a rerun of Charlies Angels and enjoyed the escapism and the pretty girls.  Silliness with action.  I ate canned soup and toast and went to bed early.

I loved the smell of the air and the sun was rising. I’d not seen the sun in days . It’s totally uplifting for my spirits. Friends are going and returning from Purerta Vuarta, Arizona and Florida.  I’m really looking forward to going to Grandad’s place of birth in Scotland.  I’ve been thinking of sailing so haven’t been able to sell my boat.  I believe my camper is being repaired. Thaun is arranging travel insurance. I liked talking with Anil who forewarned me there’s an age limit on RRSP contributions. I don’t see myself not working but the government is the enemy of citizens making it even harder to protect ourselves. They’ve invested our pensions in the Communist Chinese coal mines.

The Omicron variant is upon us. The Ghislane Maxwell/Epstein trial is on. The Best meme was Hillary phoning Ghislane saying ‘how would you like to hang tonight, girlfriend’.  Bill Clinton lies about all his time on Epsteins Island. Trudeau was there but Trump wasn’t and Trump banned him from his golf course.  But that’s just what the news fables say.  I’m in the midst of more revival about what I actually know and focussing on that. I breathed deeply today and the air smelt wonderful. I may be regaining some ability to distinguish scent. I lost that a few years back and couldn’t smell manure but could still smell smoke. I can’t smell light fragrance but still smell musk. Then every once in a while I feel I’ve been treated to the full sense of smell again and scents of the forest are as fragrant as this morning.

Life is good , all of the time. It’s perception mostly if not all.  My back is feeling better each day and it was really limiting there for a weeks or months.  Dr. Reddy the chiropractor is helping.  Then it’s sunny today and the storms seem past. 

Hallelujah! Thank you God for all your blessings. Thank you for Madigan, family, friends. This morning I thought I was alone and suddenly God put two lovely people in my path.  Thank you Jesus.  Now Madigan is playing happily on the rug rolling on his back with the long giraffe toy trapped in his paws while he chews on the ears. 

Thank you.