April 29,2019 Covid 19 Quarantine

The health care systems are managing.  Businesses are opening up.  Outdoor cafes are poised for summer. We survived. Some died. It is absurd. Albert Camus and the Plague.  The WWI veteran and ‘the bullet must have your name on it.”  There’s more fear but we’re managing. Everyone imprisoned in their own home, their own bubble.  It wasn’t so bad.Good for some.

I’m working in a virtual office. Impressed by the mentally ill.  Marginal.  Yet generally coping. Some actually doing well because they are normally isolated and now share their secrets.  The suicidal have been less than I would have expected.  The psychotics few. The anxious many but the depressed not so bad. Many have had a rest.  The struggles continue. I feel empathy for some alone in families.  Some lovers in lockdown with a person they didn’t know. Some indifferent.  I phone pharmacists.  I phone doctors.  I phone government offices and insurance companies. I couldn’t do this without the phone, cellular, and internet, and computers.  ASUS, the South Korean PC I bought at London Drugs is doing fine. My Apple Workbook is back up and running. With the help of Apple Care I cleared a virus and am thankful that I was able to address the computer virus.

On all levels the Covid 19 is fascinating. More pathology. More diversity.  More variations.  30 to 40 mutations already.  The Spike with it’s affinity to ACE 2.  Lung,heart and blood and now nervous tissue.  No early psychiatric signs.  Most not even aware they had it and got over it.  There is intrigue for sure.  Politics and economics are moving centre stage.

I’m living a simple life. Working 12 hours some days, mostly 8 or more, then very interested in what I’m cooking for the dog and me.Eating and reading and watching some tv. I’m reading a very well written sci fi by MD Cooper.  Space exploration and colonization with security issues. I watched Extraction, the thriller based in Bangladesh and enjoyed it for it’s slick fast paced scenes.  It was an escape. I scroll FB for news and memes and pictures of what my friends are eating.  Then I love my bed but find it this week harder and harder to sleep. I think I am drinking coffee too late. The Ethiopian Yirgachafe I’ve roasted is delicious.

I walk the dog. I’m most happy walking the dog though Gilbert, blind and old, sometimes makes it more a sniff than a walk.

I pray each day. I meditate and do some exercises. I hope to get to the post office today.  

Praise and thanks.  Thank you Jesus. Hallelejuah. A new day.  May I be well and do well and remember you throughout the day.  It is your creation and I’m an adventurer in your life, God. Thank you. 

April 28, 2020 Covid 19 Quarantine

I reviewed the genetic information and was still not convinced that it wasn’t engineered. Truly it could be a natural virus but again, the lady protestest too much. It’s the same kind of ‘science’ that we were bludgeoned with by the UN IPCC.  Another agenda more alligned with money and power than with truth seemed to fuel the denial.  On FB the geneticists whose work I uploaded has been removed.  The explanation was simply ‘our fact checker disagrees’.

It’s frustrating. I’m a curious person and yet when there is such a massive expensive cover up which persists I am frightened.  The question raised today was ‘why was Beijing immune?”

How dare you question!

I’m reminded of my times as a child at home and at school where I corrected parents and teachers and was severely punished.  It’s not a matter of what is right as to who is saying it. Do not question the king!  Bill Gates and Justin Trudeau are Gods. Heil Comrade Xin Jinping.  The Balkanization of the world trade and corporations with politics making strange bedfellows.  The media graphs are even grossly biased.  The Goebbels propaganda techniques by CBC say 1984.

Now the virus is mutating. 30 strains.  The nervous system is being attacked.  First lungs then heart and blood and now nervous system. Children sick with new mysterious diseases.  We told them not to tamper with nature.  We will survive of course. Most of us. I once tried to eliminate rats in a chicken coup and became impressed with reproductive resilience and the adaptation of survival.

I’m happy here. Locked in my room. I’m seeing patients in a virtual reality. I’m walking the dog. I’m again testing the limits of no skin to skin contact with another human 30 plus days.  I’m assailed by erotic thoughts of all kinds and don’t believe it’s Satan talking.  The image of God and Adam from the Sistine chapel comes to mind.

Already I notice people normalizing the experience. Lovers in the time of cholera.  The reopening of normalcy is beginning.  The social distancing and masks remain but the false belief I’ve survived this long without sickness, perhaps I’m immune. Perhaps I’m immortal.  Even in WWI the soldiers talked about the sense of ‘normalcy’ in the midst of hell.

I loved the “We’re Living in a Ghost Town ‘. song by Rolling Stones.

I miss naked bodies entwined, soft summer nights.  I miss my youth.  Yet I am safe here.  The obituary will read, he was a quiet person and he lived a safe life till the end. I know so many women living lives of quiet desperation ‘safe’ in their luxurious apartments, alone.  The men are more rangy. A bit like alley cats. The families are faring well. When I was married I needed no one but my lover and wanting nothing but children to expand this contentment. I was upwardly mobile , a bright light, outshining my cohort, but never quite right with my partners who struggled for dominance and we eventually parted because I preferred my own company. We all create myths to survive.Sometimes it was their families and friends. Once we were just going in two different ways. What we want could not be found in the same town. Perhaps my continued suspiciousNess of government stems from then.  The burocratic nonsense that separated love and made it near impossible for us to remain and work in the same city.  So many people have their jobs separating them. 

I ‘m reading and hearing now of old married couples being separated by institutions. Yesterday I learned of a 75 year old who visited his wife of 60 years not being allowed even to see her.  They talk through alien technology now.  So much tragedy and the Chinese communists are flush with the cash they are making and rub their hands with glee because they simply lack heart. It’s a developmental stage that requires freedom.  Collectively they are barbarians.  Ant hills of greed and fear.

I would be no different.  I’ve been blessed to be raised Christian in a god loving home to be surrounded by people who loved freedom.  I am a dying breed.  I’ve ridden horses and sailed oceans. My grandfather taught me about ranching and my father about machines. My mother and brother taught me to cook. There are apartments now without kitchens and few men know their way around a garage. They don’t even know what they don’t know.

I wonder how much longer I have to live and expect it’s decades. The very question of the future seems to extend it.

It’s all in God’s hands. Rejoice.  Gilbert and I had a great barbecued steak dinner last night. I loved watching his joy in chewing on the bone the rest of the evening. There are cherry tree blossoms and the gay mallards have returned with the wood duck family. Some new birds are making a nest in the tree outside my window. I must find the bird book.  In a prison somewhere a man sits watching a spider trying to remember taxonomy and phylogeny. 

Thank you Jesus for this day. May I be of service and fulfill my duties to the best of my ability.  Thank you. 

April 25, 2020 Saturday Covid 19 Quarantine

I read late and woke early and then slept in.  I love Ethiopian coffee.  It just starts the day right.  The news was as good as could be hoped for.  I loved Jackie’s posting, Joe Cocker’s A little help from my friends. “ The Rollings Stones sure do still have it. Their song, “I’m living in a Ghost Town’ definitely captures this time. I love Rojina’s paintings which are posted. So ,the artists are amazing. Ron Reed’s podcast was a delight. Lydia’s been posting great opera.  I’ve enjoyed it all.  Some mornings or evenings I just listen or watch you tube thankful for the major contribution people are making during this time.

Last night I had another Hay family favourite recipe again, Barbecued Smokies with fresh Cobs buns and Cheese whizz.  Delicious.  I watched April 9 the exceptionally fine movie of the Danish military response to the German invasion at the beginning of WWII.  Very human. A bicycle platoon facing tanks.  I enjoyed it all. Not a shoot em up but a human drama.

I did lots of errands yesterday, bank, and post office. I drove to clinics. I had patients to call. I missed my opthalmology visit.  Now I have to pay and it was a test so it was stupid. Not necessary but I thought it was May and I didn’t realize it was Friday even.  This quarantine has me not knowing dates or days. It’s a precurser of what dementia will feel like. 

I enjoyed texting with Reg and Kevin.  I’ve been reading a whole lot. Completed a western and a biography and read genetics of all things.  I haven’t seen anything I didn’t know in psychiatry but would be most interested in the community anxiety research, how everyone is affected as an organic entity. I enjoyed the research on caregivers using video chat and how this was exhausting. I enjoyed talking with Barb who was experiencing this as well. If I see 8 hours of patients in virtual the wear and tear is more like 10 hours in the office. I see the benefit of virtual of course but hadn’t factored in how draining it would be.  Talking on the phone isn’t but something about the video cam and facetime is stressful.  So Barb and I talked about that and enjoyed a paper some smart person had published discussing this.

I enjoy showers more.  l love sleeping. I like waking up thankful that I can breathe.  Gilbert is a truly enjoyable companion. We have great walks. Today I enjoyed talking with Shane as a fellow had his dog towing him at quite a clip on the skateboard. The dog was in heaven.  “I don’t think Hank would like that.” I said to Shane. Hank is the Shane's most adorable daschund.
I'm so thankful for Dr. Paul Biernacki at North Road Animal Hospital. He's been treating Gilbert's cough which is getting better and he phoned me in follow up, caring.
I loved visiting , just to pick up something the Royal Columbia Medical Clinic staff where the men and women are doing amazing work. 

I was saddened by the VA study which exposed how partisan scientists can be using a retrospective study with many errors to promote a political agenda. I think they should be investigated and banned but after the WHO doesn’t tell the truth, who can one believe. I was thankful for the doctor and the head of VA for their quick analysis of the VA Hydroxychloroquine showing it was comparing sick with healthier people and that the data was manipulated.  In contrast to that shameful science episode this other brilliant ICU doctor showed that pronation improved breathing sufficiently to keep his patients off the respirator , an end stage measure.  

My colleague has been concerned about the make up of some of the controversial modern vaccines. I’m old school and loved the old vacccines but since the politicization of the flu  vaccine and the major profits for limitted success I have wondered too so was interested to see that mice were incorporated. While that’s concerning. It’s like the OJ trial where the police simply didn’t understand DNA (75% of human DNA is in the fruit fly) so they contaminated everything thinking it was like a ‘fingerprint’.
Now the modern vaccine isn’t taking into account the learning from genetics. I can only guess that we lucked out with the conventional vaccines but must now in rethink things anew in  light of new genetic learning about recombinants. A world vaccine at billions of dollars is the next step so it's not surprising people are concerned about the safety even if it doesn't include a microchip and exposive nano device.
It’s actually somewhat less scary to consider Covid 19 t may have been a product of lab work which could be contained than to think that diseases are randomly jumping from animals to humans.  Because of parasites in pigs and lack of refridgeration in hot climates the Jews and others didn’t eat pork.  Now we’re faced with wondering about virus and virus spread animals to humans.  Are we becoming softer than our ancestors. Lots more questions than answers.  

I am thankful. I’ve been praying and thankful that this stop and reset has people generally in my sphere acting more kindly and slowing down to actually smell the roses. We’re getting by and looking forward to more stores opening.

I’m really looking forward to the hair salon. I decided to colour my hair just before the quarantine, the grey having got to me again. I’ve done this every few years and now I’m all roots and wanting to be cared for.  

Laura and I text each other all the time about what we will do when the lock down lifts.  

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you saints of all religions.  Thank you,all the remarkable men and women who are doing so well in these trying times.

April 24, 2020, Covid 19, Quarantine

The denominator is critical in the death toll. Morbidity and mortality statistics have always been a per cent age of population.  This putting the deaths and testing together as somehow related is confusing the reporting.  The deaths are important and thankfully there have been fewer than feared thanks to the measures taken.  The testing merely tells us how many tests we have and how much testing is being done. We must then extrapolate that number against the known numbers in other systems.

Iceland and Quarantined cruise ship data cause us to believe that 50% of the population who get Covid 19 will not know it.  Already we knew 70% of cases would be mild because the under 65 group is more immune.  Now we have data out of California suggesting maybe 20% of the west coast population have already come in contact with the virus.  Covid 19 is probably 10 x more deadly than the average flu. 

It will spread through the community until everyone has had it or we have a vaccine which will cause the body to believe it has had a mild form so that it will create protective antibodies.  The lockdown was only to slow the spread of the disease so we could ensure the health care system was not overwhelmed. Without hospital beds and resources the death rate jumps 5 to 10 times greater in risk populations.  Instead of 1 in 10 over 80’s dying , 5 to 7 over 80 die.  Now we’ve had the resources.  Amazing measures have been taken to meet the crisis in the west and we’ve succeeded.  The third world remains at risk because of bad government, war, lack of education and scarcer resources.

Here we are over the crest in the wave. Deaths over time are declining. The long stretched terribly depleted and miserably managed health care resources have been bolstered.  Never again should the government steal the health care resources from the citizens to have party money and use the money taxed for health care be moved to to vanity projects.  

Only because of the extraordinary efforts of the greatest men and women have we been able to get through this initial onslaught. The problem will continue and the second wave of disease in the autumn will need more hospital beds, more ICU beds, more essential personnel, less management, less talkers, less marketeers, more doers, more asylums, more treatment centres, and better safer elderly care.  If not, like the swine flu in the 30’s the death rate will be 10 times what this is now.  If our government which has locally been incredible and nationally incompetent rises to the occasion  we will fare well in the coming year of continued Covid 19 disease, social distancing and facial masks.  Herd immunity will come in 1-2 years. The only guarantee that more such ‘virus spills’ from errant labs and lying countries don’t occur will be holing the culprits accountable.

The scientific and medical emergency is passing and nearly past.  This is an ‘emergency’. It has a beginning and end. It’s occurred in the present. The problem with the politico’s was that they were ‘crying wolf’ for funding all manner of nonsense with increasing hysteria,hyperbole, egotism and emotional bullying. Claiming  a ‘climate emergency’ and demanding a gouging greedy carbon tax as a never ending demand for more and more money for a speculative threat that would cause death in a hundred years time has done its damage to the credibility of scientists. Claiming more and more natural phenomena were a product of their cult non specific formulations was increasing ridiculous..  This disease has come and will continue but the emergency is passing. It will be done in days or weeks. We’ve crested the wave.

Now the issue is increasing health care resources while returning economies to peacetime war preparedness footing. It’s no use to save everyone this week if they are going to die next week from poverty, suicide,other diseases, and even war. Already China is eying the weakness of the western world and offering loan shark loans which if not paid at exorbitant interest then allow these gangsters to take over ports, towns and perhaps countries. Australia and New Zealand and other neighbours of the communist aetheists have stopped allowing them to gain ‘controlling interest’ in anything they buy.  Everyone should do it because China long ago declared ‘unconventional war’ on the Pacific Rim and wants to be the leader and controller of the Pacific Rim.  It doesn’t matter to them that Taiwan, Singapore, Japan, Australia and New Zealand, and even SAN Francisco and Seattle SAN Diego, and Vancouver might have other plans.  Communists have never been accused of sensitivity.

My patients with cancer need to have the oncology and palliative care beds and surgical ICU’s restored so health care for the rest of the community, not just those with Covid 19 can progress.  We need manufacturing and saniety in the community. Quarantine has already caused a man who was prepped to kill to go over the edge and go on a killing spree in Nova Scotia where lock down of the unarmed made them sitting ducks. More of this is to be expected. Already criminals have rampaged through cities stealing from business and like the wild animals that have come into the city these creatures have thought they can take over. Downtown is boarded up because government has stopped tasking tasking police with catching criminals and increasing used them to harrass law abiding citizens over all manner of silly autocratic legalism. It’s simply time to regain the city and for the government to step back despite the lust for power that leaders like Trudeau feel and desire.  Government must be contained.  Government is essential but it’s also potentially cancerous.  

We sacrificed our freedom and we did well.  Now it’s time to prepare to go shopping and camping and get back to work.  May 1 or May 15 are dates for the expansion of the population that can leave their homes as the end of lockdown and quarantine begin. The social contract wasn’t a carte blanche ticket for megalomaniac leaders to run roughshod over provincial and individual rights. I think there’s a lot to be said of the tunnel vision folk who say not till June or July or September or worse until a vaccine is developed. It’s not all about Covid 19. Reality bites.

Communist China’s war factory has not even slowed down.  Iran is threatening allies and moving forward with its goal to destroy America and Israel. Terrorists continue to murder Christians, Jews, Hindus, and Buddhists.I China is putting out new air craft carriers and rocket launchers on schedule. The hawks are waiting for any weakness to exploit.  China used the good will and nativity of the West against. It feigned social development while gaining material wealth for a few stripping the poor of more not less freedom and dignity.

Now it’s time to show our strength as we have faced this crisis and shown our strength of heart. Now it’s time for resolve and also to accept that all levels of our burocracy and government have been infiltrated by foreign elements and communist forces that would see Canada enslaved. No longer the true north strong and free but the branch plant of the Communist Borg.  

In medicine we heal a body and return it to health and function.  We have gone along way to healing the horribly broken health care system in Canada. Too much good of the world has been taken by government for greed,  nefarious deeds and corruption. The hard work of Canadians shouldn’t go to funding scab voters,  terrorists, supporting dictators and building partial residences for nepotistic rulers. We need to focus on home and getting it in order.  

Now I’m going to dress, makemy bed, and walk the dog.  Notice, as an adult I’m taking care of myself and my home, then I’ll branch out and help those around me. For too long we’ve allowed adolescent thinking to prevail, people who can’t even hold a job have been telling everyone how to live their lives. All manner of people who wanted to be leaders and critics without any practical experience or training. Now we may see these Hitler wantabe’s moved to the back shelf while more reasonable and responsible adults have prevail. 

I’d like to thank our Premier Horgan, Health Minister Dix, and Chief Medical Officer Bonnie Henry again for their remarkably competent and enlightened service and at times true genius. I’d like to thank UBC and the great minds in the Department of Medicine. The College of Physicians and Surgeons and other Colleges of professional groups have been amazing too. We are truly blessed in BC for our caring competent leadership. I am truly thankful and hope our local governments continue to protect and raise us up in the coming weeks when the new crisis of politics,  economics and unconventional war move to centre stage.  

Thank you Jesus Christ for being a light in the darkness and showing by your sacrifice and service what humans are truly capable of. Thank you for all the saints of all religions and all the hero’s , those unsung most because in every neighborhood there have been those who have carried the load and volunteered without orders to do what was needed. Thank you for the plumbers, the grocery store staff, electicicians, truckers, internet technicians, bus drivers and of course Doctors,nurses,pharmacists, and researchers. I’m thinking too of the parents homeschooling while working from home, all the young people who have got groceries for the old and left them on their door steps, all those wonderful essential workers who have risked disease and even death and all those who have stayed at home for the sake of community and the vulnerable in our midst.  It’s truly amazing to be old stock Canadian and see the new growth in our ideal of compassion and strength take root.  Hallelujah!

April 22, 2020, Covid 19 Quarantine

Gilbert is such a comfort. It was a wake at 4 am kind of night.  I see and talk to so many people and training, experience, lets me ‘teflon’ the pain.  It passes through me and I like to think I channel love.  We call it ‘lending our ego’.  We still the hysteria. We calm the soul. There’s a name for it. Lending a hand emotionally.

But then at night I awake some times and I’ve not banished the demons. It’s like I awake in another persons dreams. This one was the girl in the crack house and she’s trying to get out, sort of.  There’s no white cape and no great steed.  It’s all about whispering. Come this way little girl. Those aren’t your friends.  Her doctor and family want here in a treatment centre.  She’s one of the vulnerable for Covid 19. Another medical condition plus addiction.  

I’m thinking of work at 4 am and this little ball of love climbs up on the bed and cuddles next to me, licking me.  He senses sadness. Animals are emotional beings. I fall back to sleep and hit the snooze button three times. The second alarm awakes me.

It’s raining outside.  The sun left. No fair. 

She wrote me saying “I feel like I’m in a sci fi movie”.  I text back, “Surreal.”

It’s another day in this alternative reality.  

The Communist Chinese Party and the Iranian Religious Guard are really not popular with their people and the leadership are naturally afraid of losing power.  Iran attacked the Iraqis and shot down a commercial airline and sent their gun boats after allied ships. Now they’re at it again. Threatening shipping and swaggering because they’ve gained the support of the U.N. The UN named them the leader of civil liberties for women. 

I’ve talked to too many women who were constantly raped in Iranian prisons. I’ve seen several with the scars of whippings because of Sharia.  So sad when the Persians were such a sophisticated people and now a backward bunch of thugs alligned with their communist thug allies want women to have no education.  It’s a religious offence for a women to have more than gr 7 education.  The elites are educated but then there’s such a three way power struggle going on in that country with the poor so downtrodden.  The lies that are coming out are disheartening too. 

It really is true, Freedom is just another word, for nothing left to lose.  When the government takes freedom of speech and freedom of expression all the slavery mechanisms have already been in place.  We need to pay attention to history.

I was bone tired last night. Exhausted.  The confusion people are experiencing is worsened by all the mixed messages and misinformation. I loved a clip of a girl repeating all the competing slogans that various ‘authorities’ have been putting out.  There’s truth in the midst of all of this.

I’m looking forward to camping. A few more weeks.  The medical emergency locally is cresting. We’ll be out of the scientific emergency in another week or two.  The controversy is May 1st or May 15. I loved the article that said would New York stay shut down if a town in Missouri had a number of deaths.  

Western Canada has managed the crisis well.  Quebec has been troubled by poor government and Ontario has had population density too. Here we are blessed with good leadership and a responsible population.  We deserve a break.  We are winning in all ways.  

The problem is the economic and political crisis with it’s attendant threat of war.  Dictators and communists don’t take well to overthrow especially given all the people they killed and tortured have relatives who want revenge.  The superiority of democracy is that despite our loathing of a leader or party we aren’t likely to hunt him or her down and kill his family for his errrors of judgement in leadership.  That’s the natural outcome for communists and dictators.  Xin Jinping and the Iranian leaders aren’t going to step down easily. They’d like a war to get more power and distract their people from their endless litany of abuses. 

Even now during the Covid 19 crisis Quarantine , Xin Jinping used the crisis to arrest all the leaders of the Hong Kong revolt.  A million Hong Kong had stood up to the tyranny. Now Tyranny loves an order that says no assembly of more than fifty. Easy way to kill all your enemies with fewest loyal police needed. I don’t envy the political leaders in the west dealing with these wild dogs threatened by the poverty and chaos the disease has done.  Dictators and communists are paranoids and trapped paranoids lash out.

Let’s hope the western leaders can manage the economic and political crisis as well as they’ve handled the medical and scientific crisis.  Canada didn’t do as well as other countries in it’s management as a whole but thanks to the premiers they have faired okay. The fact is all the western and eastern democracies have done surprisingly well faced with an extraordinary threat not seen since the Spanish Flu,  It’s hard but given how well the world leadership has done they continue to have my faith and trust in these troubled times to come.

I really love seeing the Queen and knowing all she’s seen. She is still there standing stalwart and waving.  I think of the Beatles, “Our queen is a very nice queen but she doesn’t have a lot to say.”  Her presence is the best statement of all.

I think it’s hopeful too that researchers are thinking Of asking Keith Richards and other rock and rollers of my generation for samples of their blood. There is a cure for all that ails you and a sure source of immortality.  

God is still with us . Holy Spirit Come. This too will pass. Hallelujah!

April 21,2020, Tuesday, Sars-Cov-2, Covid 19, Quarantine

Thank you God for the blue sky and sunshine. Thank you for this cozy home. Thank you for my friend Gilbert.  Thank you for improving his cough. We both sound like old men in the morning. Thank you for clothing and fashion and style. Thank you for hair stylists and nail salons. Thank you for factories and warehouse and truckers. Thank you for space ships.  Thank you for planets and stars.

I am blessed to know you God. Unseen miracle of grace.  I am the bubble make me the sea. You are the potter I am the clay. Thy will be done not my will. May my will grow in wisdom to be your will.  Guide me. Holy Spirit come.

Help family and friends be safe. Let us all know the glory of this story. Let us all laugh together one day in a green room. Thank you for the movie. Thank you for the adventure.  

This Covid 19 intrigue gets better and better. Why did Cuomo ban Hydroxychloroquine? What is the deep state? Why does Trudeau hate Canadians and the west especially so much.

What can I do today to forgive more, Lord. Help me to love not fear. Help me to know you more dearly, see you more clearly.

May the long time sunshine always surround you and The pure light within you guide your way home?

Communism ,the religion of godlessness and atheism is a gangster thing, a throw back to feudal times. There’s Islam too a religion of a warrior god with a history of constant war and jihad celebrated by all.  These two have linked arms and embraced in the U.N. and WHO.  What of liberty and democracy and the God of Love.  Where is there ‘forgiveness’ in either?
Why does Trudeau hate me. I don’t like him. Is that sufficient explanation? Perhaps. He remains my nightmare, the elite, privileged, stupid, grandiose, ignorant, hedonist, selfish, lying, drug abusing, hypocrite.   

Where is my Christian faith when I look at him, today’s Mussolini type reincarnation to the Xi Jinping Hitler reincarnation in some bizarro Joseph Campbell recurring myth of forces of good and evil. What am I doing other than observing and criticizing. Politics the intellectual sports match.  This side and that side. Quebec versus the rest of Canada. Republican and Democrat dichotomy in the US.  

What would Jesus want of me. I do care for the little one. I do daily acts of good will. I am caring and loving in my personal life. But what of this Kardasian reality TV show the media has twisted and thrown up portraying the Trump father figure as evil, the drunken unforgiving Pelosi as wise and Trudeau the deviant child as somehow ‘cute’.  These people are like the gods and goddesses of the Greek and Roman era. All above my pay grade. All horribly affecting me personally with their moodiness and insanity. Why did Cuomo ban the penicillin of this Covid 19 pandemic.  Hydroxychloroquine is proven to be the miracle drug and the Democrats ban it despite it saving the lives of tens of thousands.  What is this Agatha Christie plot.

Communist China releases a virus from the Wuhan lab by stupidity or intent and then lies and cover ups and with the complicity of the corrupt WHO unleashes this pandemic on the planet. Is this really an ‘unconventional war’ like the communists have always waged?  Their own release, the fentanyl epidemic making the communists of China rich. The crime boss of Communist countries is the Central Communist committee

What am I supposed to figure from this mystery?  The atheists question our faith in the mystery but they accept the ‘saniety’ of these story called politics in which Virtue Signalling Trudeau condemns hunters and women who own guns while the day before selling 14 billion arms to Saudi Arabia after giving the Wuhan Lab which killed Canadians so many millions. The ISIS terrorists find sanctuary here after killing our allies and we as a country thanks to Quebec and the scab voters are now aligned with China.

Does it matter Lord. Should I care?  Even my own family supports Trudeau because he pays more to the east. If I was in the east I suppose I’d support this silliness too. The unions supported the NDP because they paid the Union. Politics always a matter of strange bedfellows.

I talk each day now to people going crazy alone listening to the CBC, People’s Daily propaganda channel and not making any sense of what is being told them because George Carlin was right, we are just owned and we’re taught we are more than peasants. Some of us are a better class of peasant.  But our leaders vacation with helicopters on lavish islands surrounded by guns and easy women who give their children for the sexual pleasures. 

Intrigue and more intrigue. 

It’s a mess.

Now you Lord are pure and light. I look to you and there is only one way. You are one. The one becomes many.  All the bits of the universe come back to The young Big Bang creator, hallelujah, joy and wonder and all.  Never let me forget you. Help me always see you as my lighthouse, my lodestar.  May I lift my head high and not get lost in the maze of myriad muddle.  The lies of diversity. The slogans of running dog hypocrites. How funny their language is.  I love  dogs but ‘running dogs’ is such a metaphor to a people who starving and poor were set on once by packs because their leaders didn’t feed them.  Now my leadership doesn’t give me an xbox.  I want a spaceship. I need to get off this planet.  But I’ll settle for going outside.

We are in prison and the warden isn’t even letting us walk in the yard. There are two groups now. Those who want this quarantine to continue till fall and see the death and disease of poverty destroy the west with greater destruction than this disease threatened and those who want to go shopping, work and camp and lie out in the woods listening to crickets.

It’s a strange time. I don’t know. The thing could have been written by Tolstoy. So many characters and a stream of consciousness twitter plot right out of sci fi. I imagine that the last crisis of the banks was cocaine and escort driven, the great Goldman Sachs orgy and government bail out but this is more LSD. They are doing hallucinogens in Washington Paris, Ottawa and Beijing.  Everyone getting together and dropping acid.

Joe Bidden is groping another child and I can’t say the word ‘fuck’ without paying a millions dollars and having my precious time stolen by the Borg .  I must love more, resent less, and be thankful. Yes God, you are good. And this is just strange.  Thank you Jesus. I certainly can relate to a carpenter who got it in the neck for talking love and peace around the Romans.  The Romans of your day were like the Communists of today.  Military tough.
 I’m Klinger. I want to wear dresses and lingerie.  I’m old and soft. I play the Monty Python sketch over and over again, “Always look on the bright side of life”.
I’ve fought bullies all my life and now I’m just waiting to die.  I don’t think this was a good movie. I think the plot and characterization were muddled. Too much reactive acting and too much knee jerk and panic.  I with I had the time and budget but the elite have the time and the budget and they’re creating B grade porn.  Help me write a poem I can be thankful for.  Let this day be a good day and help me to channel thy love and peace.  

Hallelujah. Thank you Jesus. 

Monday, April 20,2019 Covid 19 Quarantine,

It’s another day in paradise. Spring is certainly beautiful here this year. Never have the flowers been so intriguing and delightful. Each day walking the dog I have enjoyed watching the buds blossoming. It’s like being a kid again with my mother who had a famous green thumb and loved to point out each plant and flower as it opened itself to the new year.

Life has slowed down in so many ways.  Less rush.  Waiting. Like the experience at sea.  The weather often decides the set of the sail and the angle of the tack.  So Dr. Fauci told us all the virus has it’s own time.  But now the juggling has begun again in earnest.  The commander must decide what is the risks of boat failing, wind pressure, seas, experience and tolerance of his crew.  Each person has there own concerns and perception but the balancing and juggling act is far beyond the parts that make up the whole.  

We had a lock down and quarantine to delay the rush on limited health care resources.  We needed time to get labs up and running to speed. We needed to train personnel. Here the College of Physicians and Surgeons brought back retired doctors at lightning speed. In the US when hydroxychloroquine was found to be a miraculous cure ,the FDA burocracy which normally would take a year to repurpose a drug, did it in weeks at presidential order.  Countless lives have been saved.  Locally Mr. Horgan, BC Premier, found 140 respirators decommissioned and set the amazing engineers and technicians to refurbishing them. It’s been a race against time.  The BC CDC has reported all the breakthroughs on it’s wonderfully researched pages. Dr. Bonnie Henry, our incredible Chief Medical Officer,  has daily told us exactly what we needed to hear.  Locally the response has been an overwhelming success.  

China’s lost millions and lied again and again about the disease and about their response. As did Iran with their mass graves, denied, but showing to the overhead satellites. Here we have been blessed with great leadership and some luck as well since ,we’ve missed a very big bullet. In New York it struck with a vengeance because of elevators railings and buttons. In Japan they had to early recognize the trains as vectors of spread. In Italy it was the close family communities and vulnerable eldersly. But everywhere in the west, as had been done in the Asian democracies ,people rose to the occasion.  Authoritarian and malevelent forces tried to carry out their own agendas without consideration of the whole. Despite all this the good prevailed. 

Despite the corruption of the WHO ,so reminiscent of the failure of the Red Cross in Canada when the AIDS epidemic struck, wiser minds ,less greedy and self seeking moved, forward and filled the horrible gaps.  

My young schizophrenic patients began to do the shopping for their elderly neighbours and family members leaving groceries on the doorsteps and saving them from going out into the the temporarily hostile world.

It’s a marathon. Social distancing, hand washing, masks.  But now we’ve businessess preparing to return to working. In weeks more and more people will be back to work. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. The weather is increasingly warm.  The sun is shining.

We have every reason for praise and thanksgiving. Thank you God and thank you all who have done so much good to bring us through this first phase of such a wantonly unnecessary crisis. Now the economic restoration begins.  The anxious shouldered the heavier load while the depressed more often than not were lifted out of themselves seeing that others needed them and finding health in purpose.  

I’m enjoying walking my dog. I’m enjoying the morning commute from bedroom to living room. I’m loving the slower pace. I’m glad to be over that initial terror, those early days of uncertainty and fear.  I feel sad for the third world and the dictatorships where human life individually doesn’t count. The illness and death will persist longer there whereas here we’re already crested the wave. Local companies are making more masks. Pharmacies are finding more hydroxychloroquine.  Pharmaceutical development is shifting from untrustworthy China to Israel,the recipient of so many Nobel prizes for research and manufacture. More lab agents are being manufactured and testing here has surpassed South Korea. We know so much more thanks to Italy and Spain and Iceland and those stalwart souls trapped in cruise ships for the duration.  

We are past Easter, a time of renewal and resurrection. Today is 4/20, the time when Willie Nelson appears to so many .  The saddest part of this all has been  we can’t hold hands or hug in circles. The saddest are the family members separated at the time of death.  The loneliness has been heart rending. 

 I miss my dear friend Laura who continues to work in close proximity with high risk patients. I have friends who I’ve reached out to but have yet to hear back from. I’m so thankful my family has been well and safe.  The immunosuppressed, the elderly and those with heart and lung disease all suffered most from the fear that if they became ill there might not be a hospital room or a respirator.  That’s how fortunate we’ve been here. No hard choices like they made in Italy or Spain.  I’ll never forget the older priest who died having said that the young man could have his respirator. I’m so thankful for the pregnant women with Covid 19 who survived the disease and now are reunited with their new born babies well.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster with the wonderful reprieve of great humor and great funny songs.

A couple of weeks more or days and we’ll be safer as the economic risks increase and threaten us as once the disease itself had.  I remember sailing through hurricane force winds. I’d pass through the eye of the storm and the confusing seas get hit again by more winds before the winds would die.  The winds would die and tthe seas would be churned up for days would remain high for another day before the calm of wind and sea returned. .  Even though the ultimate dangers of high winds and terrible seas had passed it was a day or two before the seasettled.

Fair winds and following seas, I wish my family and friends today. Thank you God for grace and kindsness. Thank you all for love and humor and joy.  Hallelujah!

Saturday, Covid 19, Quarantine

I learned today that in other countries they are not even allowed to step outside, even to walk the dog. That’s hard quarantine.  A couple was walking a very well trained dog off leash today. They do not realize that their individual arrogance is why others lose rights and privileges.  I picked Gilbert up as they walked by.  They thought me queer and inconsequential. Old man cowardly cuddling his blind old heart murmured dog .  They wanted me to trust them. My friend’s dog was attacked.  A couple of weeks back a man’s dog got off the leash and suddenly was in our face before the man breaking social distancing protocols retrieved his dog.

I liked that Dr. Bonnie Henry, our local heroine, with her own fan page, complimented the people of BC for their good behaviour.  I believe too that our good behaviour reflects the history here of good leadership and good police. The corruption is in the white collar money laundering elite thievery and the street level lower class gangster driven drug trafficking. In the middle class, what communism and dictatorships, historically, wish to destroy because of the history of the Magna Carta, we’ve been rather well treated by the police and authorities.  

We need to thank our judges and lawyers for the civil liberties , that while  fought for them and earned,   are now protected by these very respectable public institutions. It is not this way elsewhere.  In Communist countries and other dictatorships the people generally know that the government is their enemy.  The corruption is rife and whatever the government says is purely self serving. So why not break the law. Why listen to these uniformed rich thugs and their corrupt courts telling you to stay inside.  There’s  only the threat of violence and force that keeps people ‘obedient’ elsewhere. Here we trust our authorities mostly.  

Unfortunately at the national level we have the most unethical and corrupt politician in the history of Canada who fired the female aboriginal Attorney General simply because she would not countenance a dirty evil deed by a wealthy corrupt Quebec corporation backing the unprincipled PM.  

Despite that our Canadian premier’s especially Mr. Horgan of the BC NDP have been outstanding in their service to their people.  The tentacles of Chinese bribery and U.N. globalism haven’t reached to the state and city level so in this crisis we’ve seen none of the WHO political nonsense that has plagued the scientific and medical communication and response at the national level.  

We also have a free media other countries don’t have.  The  news of the CBC reads increasingly like the People’s Daily.   But we still have access to the internet.  Local news like Global and even nationally,  the National Post are mostly publishing the truth. China would not allow any social media in it’s dictatorship unless it could be restricted to ‘state propaganda’.  We don’t realize how dangerous it is for those living under dictatorships to get anything but propaganda. 

The vast majority of Canadians historically have been law abiding, cooperative people who are now not appreciating increased taxation as a kind of punishment for what Dr. Henry correctly identifies as good behaviour. Thankfully our local government is planning to relax the restrictions in a few weeks because we’re over the major medical threat and peak of the first wave of the pandemic. My friend Kirk shared the metaphor, just because we are getting closer to the ground doesn’t mean we can take off the parachute.  The Corona virus is still there. 

The spread and speed of spread to vulnerable populations has been dramatically slowed by quarantine and social distancing, hand washing and masks.  The Scientific medical community has had time to identify cures like Hydroxychloroquine and Remsifer.  We’ve also learned better identification and management. The public health services and virtual offices and even robots in the ICU have all been developed in a miraculous matter of weeks. What in the HIV epidemic took years, we’ve done in 2-3 months. The pandemic would not have occurred if science rather than politics and self interest had ruled in China. Italy was sacrificed before we knew the old and immunosuppressed were most at risk.  Until the testing of the quarantined cruise ships and Iceland’s research we didn’t know that 50 % of people get the virus but not the disease. They develop natural immunity.  It’s 3-5 days of the disease being spread in the asymptomatic in the first few days.  All this was unknown.  In New York we learned that the fomites carrying the virus were the metal railings in elevators, the buttons and the dense spaces. Unfortunately Canada’s chief health minister told people not to wear masks despite the success of this measure in Singapore, Taiwan and South Korea.  Thankfully BC had Dr. Bonnie Henry who was not swayed by politics , but instead with the support of the Health Minister Mr. Dix,  focussed on preventing disease and  saving lives with truth.

We had the Chinese fentanyl epidemic of overdoses and in our DTES the poorest of people, the sick and homeless addicts are now being hit by the Chinese Covid 19 virus despite all the attempts by the free Chinese of Taiwan to warn us all about the Communist lies and it’s take over of the WHO.  Now we see that the leaders of the Hong Kong uprising are all being rounded up and persecuted. Days before this pandemic was ‘allowed’ to spread, after it’s most likely leak from a Wuhan Virology lab , the million strong Hong Kong revolt was subjected to brutal crackdown. Nothing like a pandemic to solve internal domestic problems and further what an added advantage is the western democracies suffer and that insufferable critic of Communism Mr. Trump gets swept away as well. Better to have ‘useful idiots’ like Canada’s Mr. Trudeau to do trade with.  He gave us 16 tons of emergency equipment against medical advice in February, stolen from our doctors and nurses.  The communist chinese gave back defective crap that may as well be aimed at killing first responsders. . The Communist Chinese Central Committee, all hard men, with only one very hard token woman, has always laughed at the ‘softness’ ‘effeminate” ‘democratic’  west.

Meanwhile I’ve worked from my home with a virtual office daily seeing and talking with patients, rather enjoying only commuting from the living room to the office without having to use my car.  Even the low price of gas can’t entice me to return to hours a day of sitting in my car despite my using the time to listen to medical podcasts and speaker meetings.  At home I walk the dog more and exercise and feel healthier and less like a lemming or sardine.  I loved the year I commuted an hour each way by train in London only because everyone had a seat and I could read and write on the train. This standing room only makes commuting with public transport unsavoury.  Elsewhere women only cars and cars or times for the elderly or disabled have humanized the public transport.  Perhaps we’ll see more of that. Gender fluid I’ve not felt safe on public transit at night and been thankful for my car. Safety grows more important with age.

At home I feel safe. Not just from the cornavirus but increasingly from the lawlessness of the drug addicted and the arrogant.  I’m thankful in many way for this quarantine which has overall worked so well here compared to elsewhere because it reminds me that I see a skewed slice of the population. Having my life and my dog’s life threatened repeatedly in my work and felt the callous disregard of the immediate authorities who live themselves in elite gated communities I became more and more exhausted.  The suburbs were safer.  My home is the safest and I’m just so thankful to have the space to relax and let go of the tension of going out and mixing with strangers every day.  

People forget that for hundreds of thousands of years humans didn’t mix and lies like “Diversity is our strength’ would only fly on television and pornography raised populations.  The workplace can be diverse but all the scientific literature shows that our homes need to be places of safety and routine where we recuperate.  I feel I’m recuperating among civilized neighbours who mostly walk their dogs on leashes and say good morning and good evening.  Even most of the cyclists slow to pass and there’s a regard for others which I so often missed in the road rage world of self absorbed superior diverse drivers.  

It’s Saturday. It feels like a Saturday.  I don’t work.  I’ve an open slate. Yesterday I did the laundry and a variety of errands including picking up my Harley.  I’m looking forward to a ride, perhaps to the country. A little wind therapy and motorcycle meditation goes along way to bringing me closer to God and stilling the busy beast and settling the monkey mind. If I think of anything else but the ride I’m toast. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance really speaks to the two wheel experience. 

Thank you God for helping us through this time. Thank you for all the good people in the world and the good leadership we have locally. Thank you for kindness and love and thoughtfulness.  Hallelujah!

Friday, Covid 19, Quarantine

This thing began in Wuhan China end of November.  It came here in late December.I’ve been in self quarantine for, I think, three weeks.  I’m here with Gilbert in my home. Gilbert doesn’t tell time. He ‘s never learned to use a calendar or a watch.  Heis world revolves around this meal, next meal, this ball, next ball, lets go sniff for Fifi. I’d lost some of my sense of smell but seem to be reflecting on my dog and getting some of it back.  There’s something right in the expression, ‘you’ve got to stop and smell the roses’.

This quarantine is a major ‘halt’.  Crashing in through the back of my skull and right up through the centre of my heart are a lot of thoughts and feelings that I’d forgotten or lost or just not paid much attention to.  Really positive nostalgia thoughts today.  I’m grateful a lot.  I can be so whiny and needy so as not to remember all the wonderful times and gifts I’ve known. I take so many things for granted.  Gatherings of people.  Moments of comfort. Joy. The smile on a face of a friend. The dog cuddling beside me sometime near dawn.  Walks.

I’m not sure about the whole ‘return to normal’ thing. It’s not going to happen. I don’t want to go back.  It was already in transition and I’m moving on to the next chapter. This stop seems to have given impetus to creating a new person and planning a new adventure.  Life is a journey and an adventure. It’s the metaphors we live by that give it meaning. It’s so much more about perception.  Just because its been some way doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.  We can change.  

I’m always asking about this Godness. It’s a word, an idea, a feeling. C.S. Lewis said, stop looking for the architect in the wall. There’s a beingness to God, a creator, that sense I got with my first child microscope of looking into a huge world in a drop of pond water.  It’s all perspective.  The Creator is one of the many names of God.  I’ve considered so many and settled on Jesus, friend, love.  The idea of stoicism and hedonism mirror. I’ve been given a life to live. I don’t remember asking. I may well have designed this particular life myself. Each life has it’s inherent merits. Others see what we don’t see. I’ve envied the relationships of poor people, the mutual dependencies and they’ve envied my freedom not appreciating the terrible loneliness. In turn I don’t appreciate the stifling bonds of family, friends and community.  The oldest law of the world is the ‘Chinese law of the fish: there are big fish and there are little fish, the little fish must be fast and numerous.”  

‘Stand up and you make yourself a target’.  ‘Steal a little and they put you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king.”  I fear the hierarchies and the authoritarian realms.  I don’t quite understand how I’ve survived, frankly.  Not only must there be a God that loves me there must be people in power who appreciate variety. I know there are those who like the goose dressing masses to be dressed in drab.  But I’ve not been as successful as the ‘obedient’ while I’ve not been unsuccessful.  I can’t truly imagine which way my life had gone, looking back, today if I’d not done what I’d done at the time, often against conventional wisdom. 

Now it’s time to carry on.  An attitude of gratitude is very fine.  I’m thankful today for so much, even this time, of reflection and lack of busy-ness. The dog thinks these walks are spectacular. I might have left him at home and headed downtown for some non essential errands. But now I’m going to do the essential shower business, get dressed and have an essential walk with my friend.  He’s blind and old and has a sore back but he loves to listen and sniff, making the best of what he has.  I don’t think he thinks about his loss of vision. I’m sure he doesn’t think how he appears to other dogs either. He just keeps on trucking, sniffing and listening.  I’m going to try to focus on having God and Dog in my life, being sandwiched between the unseen love and the seen love, and maybe listen more.  And smell.  I really must savour fragrances, especially in spring when the world is blossoming anew.  

Hallelujah!

Thursday, Covid 19, Quarantine

Gilbert and I are doing well. Each morning is a blessing. I enjoy exercises and breakfast, getting washed and dressed.  I like to take Gilbert for a brief walk, the outdoors is so beautiful this time of year, then settle into the virtual office.  I’m surprised at all the work and what I actually get done. The administration staff are doing a marvellous job keeping the whole thing going.  I’m very thankful at times.  So much assistance when needed.

I was thinking of Elizabeth Kubla Ross this morning. I had the pleasure of working with her, a week’s workshop. Amazing woman.  Her ideas of the stages of grief came to mind as I reflected on the first days of lockdown. How in shock I was!  The world was so surreal. It still is. But while the ‘derealization’ is reinforced by the empty streets and malls, I have a sense that the ‘depersonalization’ is passing. This is becoming the new ‘normal’ and social distancing, masks, hand washing, caution about surfaces and door handles, will continue now for a year or two, perhaps even after the vaccine. 

The world has become more ‘unfriendly’.  There’s a ‘toxicity’ in place brought by the ‘Communist’ mindset, that great anti God movement, the world of Marx and Engles and hatred of family.  Thanatos.    Politics has entered every sphere of existence.  Big Mother, Big Brother, Big Sister. Big Father are in the third spaces

I can walk outside in a dress because my face is covered in a mask. I think of the woman who caught outside covers her face.  The face, so sacred is now being hidden at the very time when facial recognition software has advanced so far as to make identification with eyes alone.  Eyes, the seat of the soul.  We can look but we can not touch.  

Elizabeth Kubla Ross’s five stages of grief are:  DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE.  I think the ‘shock’ phase was that denial. I went about the motions of changing my life with the sense that it was a kind of weekend affair. It was all very well this horrendous change but it was only for a day or two. Then the time continued. I admit I was annoyed and frustrated. I found things that I wanted I couldn’t do. I wanted to look at shoes at Mountain Equipment Coop. But it was closed and I rationally knew, but I was irritated nonetheless.  I know I’ve been praying more. I’ve been praying for the safety of my family and friends. I’ve been going through all sorts of rituals. I’ve been reflecting on mortality and reminding myself of eventuality. My basic immortality has been in question. So yes, I’d say I have been bargaining. Theres’ been some depression. I’m disappointed. I don’t even think about the losses. I had plans and dreams for what I’d been doing this year and next and none of them included the uninvited guest Covid 19.  Today I know some acceptance. I’m adjusting. 

Dr. Ross was an amazing lady and her stages of grief didn’t have to all occur or happen sequentially but they were there in part or parcel. I feel I’m grieving my old life and dreams in some ways. As I’m letting go of preconceived notions I can more fully embrace the day.  The past can be a rock tablet or a digital book.  The lightness of matter is more often than not perception.  I am now remaking myself as everyone on the planet is.  A meteor has struck the earth and like other times of war and poverty and disease or resurrection we are all changed by it.  A new world is unfolding and we’re moving on.  I will never forget what was.  I loved well and lost and won.  

It’s a new day.

Gilbert and I are enjoying our walks more than ever.  

Wednesday, April 15, 2020 Covid 19 Quarantine

I woke in the night again, this time, just slightly paranoid. I feared some government lie.  Like our elected politicians had sold us out and that the owners behind the owners now all spoke Mandarin and were communist. I expect this is flashback to the Cold War. The Communists then were going to invade over the Arctic and my father, brother and I would have to defend my mother as the Commies went house to house raping and killing. I don’t think I even knew what raping was but it was horrible.  President Kennedy was talking nicely to this mean who seemed to be uncivilized. Banging his shoe on the table.  

I woke feeling a little paranoid. I imagined being called in and reprimanded.  Publicly humiliated in some way. Flashbacks to being called to the principal’s office and strapped. I stopped the teacher from abusing the student. Those were the us and them days. The worst reprehensible teacher could do no wrong. The students were the enemy.  Now I’m waking in the night anxious. It wasn’t a nightmare. Not even a bad dream. Just a sense of dread.  Fears about the future. Poverty, shame, hunger.

I struggle to be open and vulnerable. I teach free association and honesty and transparency but is all that a failed experiment.  Talk of chips and government control. In Communist China as a psychiatrist I’d want to know the least about a person and try to record as little as I could. Here I’ve struggled to know as much as I can to help a person, encouraged them to drop the filter and censors and trust. I’ve recorded information trusting that the government is for the people. 

But increasingly the government seems to answer to foreign forces like Communist China and the UN and WH0.  In dictatorships secrecy and being closed and on guard is the safest route.  You teach people to lie to help them. You tell them that the State press is lying to them.  You warn them. 

‘All shall be well. All shall be well. All manner of things shall be well”.  I began reciting that. A prayer that arose in a plague centuries ago.  All Shall Be Well. All Shall Be Well and All manner of things shall be well.”

I went back to sleep. I awoke quiet refreshed though I hit the snooze button three times. I’ll cheat on the exercise and walking the dog. I’m bad that way. I do enjoy scanning FB.  I love nostalgia of my you. I love seeing the babies and puppies. I love seeing what others are doing in Quarantine.  The humor is outrageous.  Today I laughed at an email of naked women with the white spaces in the classic bikini tan but there there was also the white tan mark of the face masks. It looked funny. Tan lines 2020.

It’s a marathon.  Another year or two of social distancing and face masks and precautions.  We’re waiting for a vaccine and concerned about the state declared intention of branding all citizens with gps and other micro electronics. The people at the top are and always will be paranoid.  Steal a little and they put you in jail , steal a lot and they make you king. I’m just a peasant but it’s a whole lot better being a peasant today and in the modern democracies than it was in the past or in modern dictatorships, communist or otherwise.  

I must have faith and know God is in charge.

I was thankful today for the heat.  Gilbert greeted me. He comes over and rubs up against me, a blind dog finding his master, then I scratch him and he would love that I did that all day.  I’m blessed to have brilliant family. I pray for their safety. I think my great friends pretty well all are taking unnecessary risk except my friend Laura who is self isolating and not with me. We have a new way of comparison and judging. I’m especially judging of STRANGERS. I miss the company of friends.

Gilbert and I are doing well.  Work continues and I feel I’m helping. I’m a break in the dull life of some. I hear the tension in the voice relax and that sense of loneliness and despair ease as we speak with others. I’m often educating and sharing. Lending an ego we called it.  I’m hopeful.  

Another day begins.  I’m very grateful for my home and I’m am thankful for our Premier Mr, Horgan, our Health Minister Mr. Dix and the Public Health Officer, Dr. Bonnie Henry.  UBC department of medicine is in the centre of the search for cures.  Several have been found. 7 clinical trials are taking place.  The BC CDC is a wealth of information. The librarian who sorts the information and publishes synopsis on their site is as good as the overview that Dr. Henry gives each day.  

I’m looking forward to wilderness camping in May. I’m booked for a week of fishing in June. I was disappointed that the Opera Pink Floyd concert was cancelled. I imagine that next year all of these events that have been cancelled will be offered again. I’ll not take them for granted. I’ll even more love  everything that has been post phoned now.  

The insight about the spread in New York, the daily need for so much elevator travelled explained the spread.  It’s not just density and big cities but the mode of travel.  Elevators.  Who would have thought they were like buses and planes.

Thank you Lord Jesus for another day of life and learning. Thank you for the adventure.  Help me stay safe and help all those I love and care for stay safe as well.  

April 14, Tuesday, 2020. Covid 19 Quarantine

I am thankful for this day, the sunshine, the blue sky. My quarantine companion, Gilbert, is a blessing. I have indoor plumbing, clean water, Ethiopian expresso coffee, cold milk, honey, yogurt, granola. I have a comfortable home. I’m still working. The news continues to improve.  The Facebook humor continues to amuse. There are moments of clarity.

Last night I woke at 2 am.  A night mare. 1984. Dealing with beurocrats.  The old recurring interrogation with communist low brows.  Grey suits, Empty rooms. Ancient jails.  I feel there are bullies who want the world to return to normal where they could tease humiliate and dominate others beneath them knowing their superiors in the lick and kick game would back them.

I am thrown back to elementary school where I fought to defend my friends from older gangs.  I’m older now, exercising, trying to loosen my back muscles, uncertain if I could even run very far if I was chased.  Frustrated with age.  In the middle of a crisis and all I have to do is wait. I’m meditating.

I talk to God constantly. I have mostly positive thoughts.  It’s been a good life. The hopes and dreams could still come to pass.  Time is more precious older.  Yet here is fine. I’m nothing to complain about even if I try to make a case against reality. It’s simply okay.  I have fleeting negative moments.

Most of my dreams are really positive. It’s not all like the days of nightmares. I do have flashbacks to the emergency and being spat on, the blood in my face, aids drug addicts after fights with cops using their disease as a weapon , so desperate, wanting to take a doctor to death with them.  So much fear back then when I was immortal and being a man and a hero seemed admirable. I don’t feel immortal today.

I am gender fluid in regards to vulnerability. I feel testosterone lowering with age and estrogen increasing. I have no desire to fight. I fear touching as much as bruising. I no longer have the skill to jump in the air and kick an assailant in the face defending myself on the streets from knife wielding thugs. Since being mugged by ten Muslims screaming ‘infidel’  in Athens I’m less confident. The bad group in gangs. I remember we used to walk as pairs or alone or sometimes threes and fours but more and more the gangs were appearing. I like this social distancing and it levels the playing field. No longer do I see ten young men together.  I am alone and fear for my blind old dog with a sore back.

Now I’m taking solace in the isolation. I become anxious when out of control random people pass and it’s apparent from their manner that they are immature or disrespectful.  Yesterday, a large family spread across the whole path and not moving aside.  Another young guy passing inches from me when there was a whole path.  I acquiesce. I can’t fight even if I wanted to. I fear any contact. I just want him out of my space. If I shot or stabbed or hit someone that close there would be blood splatter.

I don’t want anyone near me. I just go out to do my errands and walk the dog and these people annoy me because they won’t keep their distance.  I understand the funny pictures of men with various devices that establish a space. Don’t people feel they’re invading my personal space.
But no, they’re so insensitive. It’s long been an issue for me the loudness of the world, the proximity of so much tension, and me only at ease in the wilderness.

These things I reflect on when I journal are so minute and unnecessary. I allow my memory to reflect on the bother. I watched a beautiful drake mallard for the longest time. The sun was coming through the trees and the light and dark shadows almost zebra’d.  But does my wayward mind focus on those moments.

I had the iPhone in one hand the dog poop in another and I threw the iPhone into the dog poop bin by mistake. I was trying so hard to be clean and safe and here I ended up half climbing into the dog bin trash can. I showered when I got home that day and put all my clothes in the laundry. God has a sense of humor. I had such hubris.

Thinking like a Pharisee or Sadducean. Believing in the magic and rituals and not remembering it’s always in God’s hands. I must tether the camel and trust in God. Faith without works is dead but works without faith is lost too.

I have this blank slate new day and can celebrate with praise and gratitude. It’s an opportunity to be more with God.  I love breathing in in the morning. The breath of life. I once took it for granted. Now as I walk the dog I take deep breaths. I am thankful for the pain free moments. I’m so blessed to have coffee and honey.  It’s a glorious life , a gift of creation. I’m inconvenienced but its a matter of creativity to make the most of what I have.  Necessity is the mother of invention. Now I get to have a morning shower. I love the smell of the soap.  Clean clothes and a brief walk with the dog before a day of homework begins.

Thank you Jesus! Praise the Lord. Hallelujah! Life is Good.  May my family and friends be safe today. May all I love and care be surrounded by your grace and touched by your love. Thy will be done. Not my will. Thy will be done.  Hallelujah!

April 8, Wednesday, Covid 19

http://williamhaywriter.blogspot.com/p/april-8-wednesday-covid-19_8.html

Easter Monday, Covid 19, Quarantine

Christ has risen. Christ has risen indeed.  Christ means messiah.  Christ will come again.  Each day of the year there is renewal and at this time of Easter, the rituals of his death and resurrection, the time in the tomb and his resurrection, it seems the world as a whole renews spiritually. I feel renewed.  When I walked Gilbert Easter morning, it was as if the air shimmered and sparkled. The sun and blue sky was simply stunning.

I wished I had a white dress and bright coloured bonnet, long white gloves and pretty sandals so I could join the ladies for Easter Sunday church service. As a boy I identified more with the frivolity and laughter of the ladies than the somber men accompanying them. We children then were still with the women. The rite of passage to being a man would come later. Often in my dreams I’ m in this afterlife with my mother and grandmother and all these lovely women, like exotic birds, having tea. I’m a child wandering through this endless world.  It was a happy time. A safe time.  I loved my father but my mother and the women of the church were so special.  The men were outside and we were inside. The fragrances and the colours were life itself.  I remember that this year.  Ive so many memories returning. Nostalgia. The heightened awareness of life under siege.  The partial isolation.  I’m even remembering and dreaming of the dogs in my life, Sunny, Shinto, Stuart and of course my present companion, Gilbert. Our walks are the best part of the day.

The Communist Chinese began this whole affair in a bio weapons lab. The bat story is the cover up. The article I’d read in Lancet had been a communist ‘alternative story’.  The bio weapon virus is not disclaimed, only blurred. The World Health Organization had been co-opted by the Chinese Communists. The UN has long been dominated by dictators, either communist or the ‘unalligned’ mostly ‘sharia’ dictators of the Middle East. It’s unconventional war.  The international community had sanctioned the Wuhan Stage 4 Lab for doing experiments of bat to human transfer of Coronavirus.  The Harvard Virologist and the Canadian Stage 4 Lab virologists had been arrested last year for complicity in assisting the Wuhan lab Caronvirus research. Now the bug had escaped, most likely. 

I laughed when my friend suggested a drunken scientist and a cocaine addicted luscious lady had, after one to many and in the passion of sex and ego left a door or window open.  SARS and Ebola had been contained. But this wasn’t contained because Xi Jinping and the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist Party did not want the news leaked.  One account says it was to ‘save face.” But that’s old Confusian Chinese character.  The Communists don’t care about face, they care only for power and world domination. At the time of the ‘accident’, Hong Kong was in open rebellion. The Iranian ally, the Muslim Religious Police and Army, had just shot down a commercial airliner of Ukraine. The northern tribes were on the verge of open revolt with 3 million in camps equivalent to the nefarious gulag. The CCP had killed and imprisoned  a million or more Falun Gong and they just wouldn’t stay down. Taiwan would not be cowed by the build up of military across the strait which the US Navy had taken to patrolling. The jets and aircraft carriers they were turning out were having problems. They wanted world dominion but couldn’t fight a conventional war without likelihood of loss, like they had, when they tried to invade India. Even Tibet threatened to revolt despite all the CCP measures of total destruction.

The WHO had a corrupt Maoist politician Tedros Adhanom as head.  The whistleblowing doctors were silenced, arrested, imprisoned and killed. The Pandemic spread.  Communists don’t account individual lives like democracies do.  Mao murdered a hundred million of his own people. Stalin murdered sixty million.  The CCP controlled the reproductive life of their whole population with threat of sterilization if anyone broke the law of one child per couple. Marx and Engles wanted to destroy the family. Everyone was an informer.  It was certainly a time that needed distraction.

The west was standing up to the incursions in every area that had gone on for a decade.  Slave labour and cheap goods had appealed to the virtue signalling vanity of the west. China had expanded it’s influence everywhere.  They would dominate and control the Pacific Rim.  It didn’t matter what Taiwan, Japan, South Korea or Australia or New Zealand or Singapore had to say about it. They would rule.  That was their next goal in their eventual plan of world domination.  Politically allying with the Middle Eastern dictators.  Just as Japan and Italy and Germany had once allied, against  their common deomocratic enemy bringing these dictatorships  together. Agenda 21 and the UN continued to serve the Communist Chinese.

Now there was this virus. Covid 19.  A pandemic that could have been stopped. A cover up. It’s by the cover up you know the psychopaths.  The evil deed is known by the lie.  So the pandemic unfolds.

The lock down is the response to the attack.  The economy of the west is hurt but it’s turning out now that the Communist plan like so many intellectualizations isn’t working as hoped. Turkey has sued China for a trillion damages.  Hundreds of countries are hurt by the pandemic which was correctly called the Chinese Flu or better still the Communist Disease.  Japan and other countries are pulling manufacturing out of China. The US has offered to pay companies  and corporations to relocate back to the the US.  

Trudeau and Quebec have alligned themselves with the Chinese and UN dictatorships.  The majority of Canadians are slow to react.  All the unethical economic waste that preceded this crisis has left the country in terrible debt.  Thousands spent on blow up dolls of the PM and paying out millions to terrorists and a useless expensive Liberal senate and the buying of the CBC have all cost Canadians as their pensions and welfare are eroded. We  live more and more like the third world in an old age dream of retirement. The lock down has hit everyone. 

The scientific medical phase of the siege assault is being won and now the economic war begins.  Slowly work resumes with face masks, social distancing and small congregations of people.  The year to come continues to be one of caution. A second wave of the Covid 19 could be like the second wave of Spanish Flu. That one was worse. But today we are light years ahead in science.  What took two years to learn in the Aids epidemic we’ve achieved in 2 months. There are already cures and the lethality of the virus is little compared to the previous epidemics.  Just as bacteria once decimated nations but was beat by Sulfa and Penicillin so to viruses are being cured and prevented with vaccines.  A vaccine will provide protection as will herd immunity.  Back to work in May and vaccines by fall or winter.

Thats the medical emergency. But there’s intrigue and mystery and world leaders like Mr. Trump and Mr. Johnson have advisors discussing the very big picture that involves banks, air craft carriers, trade, and so much more than the media and social media algorithms can disclose. The media still finds the Kardasian reality of Identity politics relative. The Health Minister of Canada calls the scientists and physicians who criticize her incompetence as racist. The media portrays that.  Media is made for the masses. It’s at best set to the level of high school or a year or two of college.  Writing for internet attention should never be more than a paragraph long because of the limited attention span of modern generations. No one reads a book. The meme is the message.  McLuhans was right.  It’s  entertainment and reality tv.

Behind the scenes there is so much more.  I get a glimpse of the depth when I read an article from Nature or Science and remember looking into the complex world of the electron microscope. Wheels within wheels.

It’s Easter Monday. There is hope.  Spring is here.  I see women have begun to wear sun dresses and bare legs. I’m hopeful that bikini season is coming soon. We may not be able to touch but we can still look.  Christ has risen. Hallelujah.  I woke this morning without a fever, sore throat, or cough. 

Friday, April 10, Covid Quarantine

I woke to the alarm and turned it off thinking it was Saturday. With the second alarm it dawned on me it was Friday. I had to get up.  The days of the week routine waited.  The days had blurred.  These things like days and weeks and hours are arbitrary divisions, agreed on conventions.
Last night I was up late reading.  I’d fallen asleep in front of the tv watching a Steven Segal rerun.  “He’s just a cook”.  I’ve seen it a couple of times so I could skip through Facebook as well. My eyes grew tired. I napped. Then stayed up reading. I’d worked so much with patients, getting hold of pharmacists and maintaining computers and virtual reality working despite constant glyches. My brain was baked.  Bologna sandwiches late at night.

Walking Gilbert is the best relaxation in the day.  My back hurts. I’m losing power on one side. I’m stumbling in pain. Yet, the little guy never fails to entertain me. He’s taken to sniffing a leaf and tasting it.  Just a flick of the tongue. He’s blind but I think he’s a dirty old dog.
It’s my seat.  I need to arrange my work seat so my back is supported.  I may have to take out the table and put in a real office chair and desk. There’s no room right now. I’m making do.  When the computer is set up finally I’ll be able to take it outside in the sun. It’s all practical and for the most part has been doable. I’m working 6-8 hours in front of a screen and 2-3 hours behind the screen.  I have yet to find the virus that keeps using my memory in the MacPro. I’m trying to find a suspect third person program that’s running a constant log of my activity. It’s spying on the program I’m using not the content.  Normally I’d drop it off at Apple and pick it up renewed.  Now the apple shop is closed.  

I’m self absorbed.  A bit like a castaway.

The deaths are levelling off.  From day one it’s been very fishy that they’ve recorded deaths as a percentage of cases. The number of cases is only a product of the testing.  There’s so much politics involved Iceland recorded that 50% of people test positive but have no symptons. The deaths should be reported as a percent of the total population.

The media has been involved in exactly the same game as China but in the other direction. China lied  under reported just like Iran. Both had millions dead. Now in the west there’s a few thousands per country.  Altogether it s a tiny fraction of the Aid deaths and other epidemics.  Since the plagues this is the only one where there is relatively complete economic shut down except for essential services. Here in Canada the wave , the rush on the limited resources ,has been slowed so that we will be able to say with confidence in a week probably that we’ve weathered the storm. Bad weather will continue for a year but the hurricane force winds that threatened to deny so many of health care resources has passed. Those countries without health care resources are still going to suffer as much as the third world did with Aids.  So many places have to walk to get drinking water so can’t wash their hands.

The real concern is the economic crisis beginning to hit now.  Never underestimate poverty and unemployment. They are the source of riots and war.  The Communist Chinese let this virus spread. They then sent defective medical equipment to caregivers all over the world. Either this together is an act of their series of ‘unconventional warl’ their constant theft of intellectual property, and many other offences or it reflects the death knell of the Communist government so incompetent that the country is unable to make a paper mask properly or even test one.  There was open rebellion in Hong Kong. Millions are in the Chinese gulags.  They are desperate for cash.

When ever I talk to anyone who has been a neighbour of Communist China they assume this is Communist War.  East Indians, Cambodians, Vietnamese, and Taiwanese all just assume this is part of Comunist strategy to cause an economic downfall in the west.  This is done to create chaos prior to the invasion of the west by military action. This is why Singapore and Taiwan have been struggling to return their countries to working order to resist further Communist Chinese assaults. India has fought war with Communist China so they know how unscrupulous aetheist Communists are. They killed a hundred million of their own people. They are behind all the fentanyl overdoses in the west. Now they unleash a plague..

Meanwhile Canadians
under the pro Communist Liberals have taken a stand against America allying with pro  communist France and Germany.  France is ironically pro UN and pro Sharia. France was the seat of freedom and today is struggling.  The cry, Liberte! is history.

I hope war will be averted.  It’s been a nightmare to have such incompetence in leadership nationally with all the lies and traitorous decisions that seem so in line with the Communist death agenda. 

The Maoist Ethiopian leader of the WHO was complicit in the spread of the plague. He lied repeatedly and alligned the WHO with the hostile deceit of the Communist Chinese leadership.

All these  overt and covert  attacks and there is Trudeau wanting to be in the centre of it on the UN council to serve his Chinese master attacking Americans and democracy. He has destroyed freedom of speech and freedom of press in Canada. He is the enemy of liberty. Quebec is paying the price with the highest death rate in Canada and rapid destruction of Quebec culture.

It’s frightening.  The future is uncertain.

But locally our Premier Mr. Horgan, health minister Mr. Dix and Public Health ,chief medical officer, Dr. Bonnie Henry have done  all the right things in facing this crisis.  Despite the global conflict between the good of western democracies and the evil of Communist China and it’s allies , there are all these heros and heroines doing the right things. It’s like watching a version of WWII unfold with the Chamberlains and Vichy French being exposed as the Nazi death machine moves across the globe.  Today’s death machine is China who has murdered more innoscent citizens than any government before , out murdering even the Communist USSR.  The real plague has been godless Communism. It continues to genocide Tibet. Foriegn Affairs Canada reports its infiltrated every aspect of Canadian government and media.

The truth will out.  In the end the good will win. It says so in my favourite book.  But that is the next drama.  First was the scientific and medical. we’re winning that. It was estimated that there would be 1.5 million deaths in America by summer.  So many countless lives have been saved.

 Now the economic war begins. Then the political one. Already the west rightly is demanding Trillions of Dollars from Communist China and the WHO and UN must be reformed so they no longer are a hot bed for corruption and the centre for murderer dictators and tyrants to preen themselves in front of cameras.

At least in Canada we don’t have to see any more cut up dolls And selfies of our leader.  Things are beginning to improve.  The abscess has burst an the contagion is leaking out.

Thank you God of Gods.  God blesss the glorious and free.