Wednesday, April 15, 2020 Covid 19 Quarantine

I woke in the night again, this time, just slightly paranoid. I feared some government lie.  Like our elected politicians had sold us out and that the owners behind the owners now all spoke Mandarin and were communist. I expect this is flashback to the Cold War. The Communists then were going to invade over the Arctic and my father, brother and I would have to defend my mother as the Commies went house to house raping and killing. I don’t think I even knew what raping was but it was horrible.  President Kennedy was talking nicely to this mean who seemed to be uncivilized. Banging his shoe on the table.  

I woke feeling a little paranoid. I imagined being called in and reprimanded.  Publicly humiliated in some way. Flashbacks to being called to the principal’s office and strapped. I stopped the teacher from abusing the student. Those were the us and them days. The worst reprehensible teacher could do no wrong. The students were the enemy.  Now I’m waking in the night anxious. It wasn’t a nightmare. Not even a bad dream. Just a sense of dread.  Fears about the future. Poverty, shame, hunger.

I struggle to be open and vulnerable. I teach free association and honesty and transparency but is all that a failed experiment.  Talk of chips and government control. In Communist China as a psychiatrist I’d want to know the least about a person and try to record as little as I could. Here I’ve struggled to know as much as I can to help a person, encouraged them to drop the filter and censors and trust. I’ve recorded information trusting that the government is for the people. 

But increasingly the government seems to answer to foreign forces like Communist China and the UN and WH0.  In dictatorships secrecy and being closed and on guard is the safest route.  You teach people to lie to help them. You tell them that the State press is lying to them.  You warn them. 

‘All shall be well. All shall be well. All manner of things shall be well”.  I began reciting that. A prayer that arose in a plague centuries ago.  All Shall Be Well. All Shall Be Well and All manner of things shall be well.”

I went back to sleep. I awoke quiet refreshed though I hit the snooze button three times. I’ll cheat on the exercise and walking the dog. I’m bad that way. I do enjoy scanning FB.  I love nostalgia of my you. I love seeing the babies and puppies. I love seeing what others are doing in Quarantine.  The humor is outrageous.  Today I laughed at an email of naked women with the white spaces in the classic bikini tan but there there was also the white tan mark of the face masks. It looked funny. Tan lines 2020.

It’s a marathon.  Another year or two of social distancing and face masks and precautions.  We’re waiting for a vaccine and concerned about the state declared intention of branding all citizens with gps and other micro electronics. The people at the top are and always will be paranoid.  Steal a little and they put you in jail , steal a lot and they make you king. I’m just a peasant but it’s a whole lot better being a peasant today and in the modern democracies than it was in the past or in modern dictatorships, communist or otherwise.  

I must have faith and know God is in charge.

I was thankful today for the heat.  Gilbert greeted me. He comes over and rubs up against me, a blind dog finding his master, then I scratch him and he would love that I did that all day.  I’m blessed to have brilliant family. I pray for their safety. I think my great friends pretty well all are taking unnecessary risk except my friend Laura who is self isolating and not with me. We have a new way of comparison and judging. I’m especially judging of STRANGERS. I miss the company of friends.

Gilbert and I are doing well.  Work continues and I feel I’m helping. I’m a break in the dull life of some. I hear the tension in the voice relax and that sense of loneliness and despair ease as we speak with others. I’m often educating and sharing. Lending an ego we called it.  I’m hopeful.  

Another day begins.  I’m very grateful for my home and I’m am thankful for our Premier Mr, Horgan, our Health Minister Mr. Dix and the Public Health Officer, Dr. Bonnie Henry.  UBC department of medicine is in the centre of the search for cures.  Several have been found. 7 clinical trials are taking place.  The BC CDC is a wealth of information. The librarian who sorts the information and publishes synopsis on their site is as good as the overview that Dr. Henry gives each day.  

I’m looking forward to wilderness camping in May. I’m booked for a week of fishing in June. I was disappointed that the Opera Pink Floyd concert was cancelled. I imagine that next year all of these events that have been cancelled will be offered again. I’ll not take them for granted. I’ll even more love  everything that has been post phoned now.  

The insight about the spread in New York, the daily need for so much elevator travelled explained the spread.  It’s not just density and big cities but the mode of travel.  Elevators.  Who would have thought they were like buses and planes.

Thank you Lord Jesus for another day of life and learning. Thank you for the adventure.  Help me stay safe and help all those I love and care for stay safe as well.