Thursday, Covid 19, Quarantine

Gilbert and I are doing well. Each morning is a blessing. I enjoy exercises and breakfast, getting washed and dressed.  I like to take Gilbert for a brief walk, the outdoors is so beautiful this time of year, then settle into the virtual office.  I’m surprised at all the work and what I actually get done. The administration staff are doing a marvellous job keeping the whole thing going.  I’m very thankful at times.  So much assistance when needed.

I was thinking of Elizabeth Kubla Ross this morning. I had the pleasure of working with her, a week’s workshop. Amazing woman.  Her ideas of the stages of grief came to mind as I reflected on the first days of lockdown. How in shock I was!  The world was so surreal. It still is. But while the ‘derealization’ is reinforced by the empty streets and malls, I have a sense that the ‘depersonalization’ is passing. This is becoming the new ‘normal’ and social distancing, masks, hand washing, caution about surfaces and door handles, will continue now for a year or two, perhaps even after the vaccine. 

The world has become more ‘unfriendly’.  There’s a ‘toxicity’ in place brought by the ‘Communist’ mindset, that great anti God movement, the world of Marx and Engles and hatred of family.  Thanatos.    Politics has entered every sphere of existence.  Big Mother, Big Brother, Big Sister. Big Father are in the third spaces

I can walk outside in a dress because my face is covered in a mask. I think of the woman who caught outside covers her face.  The face, so sacred is now being hidden at the very time when facial recognition software has advanced so far as to make identification with eyes alone.  Eyes, the seat of the soul.  We can look but we can not touch.  

Elizabeth Kubla Ross’s five stages of grief are:  DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE.  I think the ‘shock’ phase was that denial. I went about the motions of changing my life with the sense that it was a kind of weekend affair. It was all very well this horrendous change but it was only for a day or two. Then the time continued. I admit I was annoyed and frustrated. I found things that I wanted I couldn’t do. I wanted to look at shoes at Mountain Equipment Coop. But it was closed and I rationally knew, but I was irritated nonetheless.  I know I’ve been praying more. I’ve been praying for the safety of my family and friends. I’ve been going through all sorts of rituals. I’ve been reflecting on mortality and reminding myself of eventuality. My basic immortality has been in question. So yes, I’d say I have been bargaining. Theres’ been some depression. I’m disappointed. I don’t even think about the losses. I had plans and dreams for what I’d been doing this year and next and none of them included the uninvited guest Covid 19.  Today I know some acceptance. I’m adjusting. 

Dr. Ross was an amazing lady and her stages of grief didn’t have to all occur or happen sequentially but they were there in part or parcel. I feel I’m grieving my old life and dreams in some ways. As I’m letting go of preconceived notions I can more fully embrace the day.  The past can be a rock tablet or a digital book.  The lightness of matter is more often than not perception.  I am now remaking myself as everyone on the planet is.  A meteor has struck the earth and like other times of war and poverty and disease or resurrection we are all changed by it.  A new world is unfolding and we’re moving on.  I will never forget what was.  I loved well and lost and won.  

It’s a new day.

Gilbert and I are enjoying our walks more than ever.