Sunday, October 25, 2009
The movers came and I didn't have boxes for the contents of the bureaus and book cases. So the clothes, books and stuff got dumped on the floor. I'll be sorting and filing them today. I was lucky to find my lap top this morning and a tv dinner table to set it on. I'm convinced the landlord is selling tickets and showing interested parties, "how a psychiatrist lives".
It's taken a week of moving to arrive at a state of disorder I routinely see in adolescent bedrooms. I have never lived like this. It would take a highly ordered rigid mind and vast memory to exist in this chaos.
Meanwhile my mother in heaven has all the angels looking down on me right now and she's telling them, "I knew he would come to this. I was always reminding him to clean up his room when he was 5. It was just a matter of time."
Yesterday I found the source of the little moths in the storage locker. I had a persian rug there and the little beggars had found it scrumptuous. Everything changes. Everything deteriorates. If we don't care for it regularly it will return to nature. Entropy. Lack of love. So much for possessions. Thoreau had a lot of good advice.
And all the obsolete electronics. They get to me. Zip drives. I look at the old cd's and movies though and hope to have the time to listen and watch. Memory lane. It's often said that people in third world countries are happier than we are and I can see that they're not cluttered and distracted by 'stuff'.
A simple life is a freer and necessarily happier life. Montaigne, Cicero and others have spoken to the need for 'less' rather than "more" , so there's time for friends and sacred solitude. Things too often stand in the way of relationships.
Yet I loved oiling these old cabinets which reminded me of Persig's, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. The joy is not in the accumulation but rather the caring for. My new motto is that if I'm not willing to dust I'm not going to have brick brack. If I'm not going to polish, I don't have silver. Sadly there's little time for the caring these days and it's hard to make the time. I'm sufficiently caught up in my boat and motorcycle and the myriad tasks of office work life that I can make little time for polishing. Yet without polishing, dusting and caring 'stuff' deteriorates.
Today I ask why do I need 6 chess boards? How come I have 4 guitars? Do I really need 3 laptops and 2 VCR's. Of course there's the principle of back up. And my one Weber barbecue didn't work the night of the dinner party so I got another one and now I've fixed the first one. Everyone tells me to use eBay and Craig's List. Make the time.
But it's really my parents fault. Raising me in a home they kept for 50 years gave me a false sense of permanence. Having the basement and the attic taught me terrible things that have impeded my development for years. If they had only moved like modern people and had no basements and attic I would have been prepared for this existence. The modern person moves on average every 5 years. I'm a victim of being brought up in the age of suburban culture.
Settle down. Don't get yourself worked up. You know this is just a way justifying pouring the gasoline out of one of your 2 honda generators and torching all the files and discs and clothes on the floor. You've already phoned friends. They will be here shortly. You will get through this. Take deep breaths. Pray. Say mantras. Screaming uncontrollably from a fetal position is not going to get the clothes in the suitcases. Stop shaking. Friends are coming.
I know you said you'd never own another thing when you first moved 35 years ago but you forget. You said you'd never move again several moves back but you forget. It's like love. You'll never going to do it again and then you forget. Face it, the next move could be worse still. Enjoy this one. You're getting older. At least you've stopped buying the 3 ton furniture.
Too bad your friends smoked back then. That great idea you had in the 70's for inflatable furniture might work today. Didn't last that first party. Everyone sitting on plastic on the floor an hour into the party. None of your friends smoke today so consider next time the inflatables. That's just another thing the tobacco companies should pay for, all the inflatable furniture cigarettes have killed over the years.
I think the futon frame you gave away yesterday is the 5th or 6th one you've given away over the years so buy the cheapest one next time instead of the fancy ones. At least you don't have a water bed anymore.
Hold on. You're going to have to pay for running your head through the wall. Some one is going to have to pay for the plastering if you continue head banging. Go back to the fetal position. You'll get through this.
You can't do drugs. They don't make things any better. Remember that move your friends and you drank and smoked dope on and you decided the stairs were way too long and that they were moving with snakes on them so you threw the stuff off the 5th floor balcony. Then you had to deal with your ex wife's response to all the carpets and clothes on the lawn. Something about her not being happy finding a bra hanging on the branch of the neighbours tree. Dumping the drawers over the balcony always seems like a good idea after a joint. But it wasn't any good , was it?
So don't throw your stuff off the 17th floor today. Besides the dumpster divers would be on it like flies on shit today thinking it was raining manna from heaven.
Wait, your friends will be here soon. They'll bungee cord you to a chair and put something in your mouth so you stop chewing on your tongue. Just keep away from the balcony and gasoline until they come.
It will be over soon. You've moved many times before and you know it's always so much better when it's over. You'll get through this move too. Now put down the axe and don't go chopping up the furniture into smaller pieces to more easily chuck it off the balcony.
This is all God's plan to teach you patience and serenity. How do you think you'll learn these things without opportunities to test all your training. All that meditation and prayer and sitting cross legged. No you can't get your money back. Imagine what state you'd be in today without all that behind you.