Moon

Sometimes I believe the phases of the moon control my passion. Lunacy. As the full moon approaches my libido rises and I believe I will find release in the night. That appears a pattern but there is no pattern, passion comes and goes randomly. My desire for a sex change waxes and wanes. One day I want to move to Alberta and know joy in horses and rodeo as I once did then another day I’m ready to move to Ireland tow work and write. I sometimes am on the verge in summer to fly to my boat and set sail For the Caribbean taking the inside passage not worrying about the sept. Then I riding in my truck and camper with my dog across America. I’m pushed and pulled by thoughts, dreams and wishes. The surge over me like the sea. I move in them a while letting the water rise in the shallow but avoiding the deep. I’m not ready to plunge right in. This life I’m living the after thought of my brothers sickness and death okay. I am on land some days missing the sea. Wondering what the next advenute will be, marking time still enjoying the work but feeling decidedly like I’m marking time, marching on the spot. Then I look at the little dog and realize he’s maturing and he’s becoming more a friend and companion. I am doing good. I am far less than I once was. My drive and focus are no longer aiming for the best I can be, I’m satisfied and good enough and am meeting a need and doing what has to be done. I’m an okay player on a professional team. It’s easy now and I’m content to play the game relaxed. I don’t need to leave. In time I will.There are many moons and I still have a few.