Gratitude

Thank you God for this day!  Thank you for dreams of trucks and hills. What was that eagle and crucifixion scene about?  I know the dream is the royal road to the unconscious but it’s not been very clear what’s going on inside and outside. I’m in a quandary. The world is in chaos. Kabul fell.  Lallibella has been invaded. The China sea ship gathering continues When I awake my dreams are confusing.  I don’t want to leave them. The alarm sounded and the Creed came on. I believe…..and Madigan pounced on my face.  One snooze bar and I actually climbed out of bed.  Not so tired.  Last night too I stayed awake past midnight reading.  Now it’s an historical fiction account of the Moors and Christians in Spain.

I don’t seem to be going anywhere too quickly. I’m recouping and reviving. I’ve been playing and having fun.  Fun in the city, Fun in the sun,  I suppose come fall I ‘ll find direction.  I do look forward to the VSO.  I didn’t renew the Pacific Theatre. Partly a couple of disappointing shows and more the distance driving into town. I really don’t like going into the city. I should use the sky train more.  

I’ve loved my Vespa in the city but even going to Commercial for coffee seems a trek.  I’m happy to just go to the nearby Lougheed Mall.  I understand how people here rarely go downtown.  I’m getting older and I think that contributes to my circumscribing life. But it could be a phase. I’m content.  I’m safe in my home and neighbourhood.  There’s been lockdowns and I’ve a routine.  A bit of a holding pattern

I’m past retirement age and that is on my mind. I like working but I want to take a trip for more than a week sometime next year. This year is rather set with Covid and work. But I can’t get a handle on the future. Next year is a mystery.  I was so attracted to the advertisement of a couple of weeks in a Thai sex change spa, a face lift and feminization of features and breasts.  I’d enjoy life in a different gender.  A new adventure.  But if I wasn’t working and just travelling would I care. I could be sailing to the Caribbean or Europe but just as soon would take my camper through the US and maybe even further south.  Camper and Vespa and dog. I’d not mind towing MacGregor 26 sailboat either but is it necessary.  I imagine I must sell my sailboat because crew is such an issue and I feel it’s too big for me solo.  

I was once sure I didn’t want to retire in Vancouver and was planning on moving east. I’ve always had a hankering for Calgary. Loved the rodeo. Imagined riding horses again and hunting in the mountains.  I think of returning to full time work when I think of going elsewhere, taking a job in Ireland for instance and being able to travel to Europe. I have Madigan to consider always .  He’s such a character.  The camper is a good place for him. Also being on a boat is good.  I imagined him when I thought of touring the US like ‘travels with Charlie’. That’s been since Shinto and Gilbert.  A long time dream.  Writing and travelling. Cross dressed to add to the adventure.  I’m less serious au femme, more removed from the worries and burden of au drab.  

I would like to go to Aberdeen.  I want to return to Southern Ireland. I’d like to see the area of the American Civil war. I’d love to hunt in northern BC.  Another moose or buffalo and a winter of work with lovely roasts, steaks and stews. I love cooking wild game. 

With work I’m no longer trying to be the best and cure cancer.  The limits to what any doctor can do are now administrative.  I was actually told medicine was just entertainment and to ‘act like a doctor’ by administration. They don’t believe in healing any more than the priest who stood up in church and thought Jesus a good teacher and the miracles of the bible myth. Since Trudeau’s greed and corruption the whole of Canada seems to be moving into poverty survival mode with people just no longer dreaming or believing. He’s given everyone dope and alcohol and we’re declining as a nation rapidly. I once believed in Canada as a dream nation but today that dream has been stolen for the fraud whose corruption and deceit are turning the country into a third world shit hole country.  

My friends retiring are all discussing poverty in old age.  Seniors looking at where to live elsewhere because they can’t afford to live in Canada and don’t feel safe. 

I wonder about Thailand, Puerto Rica, Mexico, Ireland,  I sometimes think of putting an add in the paper saying doctor with RV and dog wants to work. The virtual services are springing up but the local administration and lawyers are putting more and more restrictions and taxing education and training for their own lust and greed.  They’re low life parasites but have such arrogance,  

I’nn actually blessed and really can’t complain and shouldn’t. It’s a ‘virus’ in my brain, default ‘poor me’.  A negative function and the ‘warning light’ doessn’t come on quick enough to say’ get off the cross we can use the wood’.  I’m really blessed, God is good all the time.  This is a good day. The rain has cleaned the air. The smoke is gone for today.  Life is wonderful

I’m only at a betwixt and between when I ask ‘what next?”  I’m in a holding pattern. In God’s waiting room.  I ask for a sign, I ask for a way. Show me the way Lord.  Guide me!!!

Thank you Lord for all the blessings, this life, the family and friends and madigan Thank you for work and for the means to pay the high rennt and highest cost of living.  Thank you Lord for this day Thank you for breathing. May I be of service today Thank you

Our heron friend on our river walk today

He not only had the left over quiche, he ate the plate.