Friday, August, Summer day

I’m outside at the picnic table with Madigan walking about sniffing the tiny yard.  I’m looking at the Keystone Fuzion RV.  40 feet of home. My land yacht. The SV GIRI 40 feet of home is up on land near Kingston.  The Harley and Vespa are parked over by the road. I’ve a barbecue on the table beside me.  I just thought how all my needs for life and work are contained in this little space with luxury, really.  There is such waste of space in the city and those that claim to know best and strut and pontificate for money don’t seem to know much.  Not that anyone does.  God is great all the time. The mystery is most of it. We are such a tiny speck in the whole.  I’m moved to consider the billions of stars in the telescope and the countless cells in the microscope. Microcosm and Microcosm.

I’ve woken at 6 am dreaming of the peninsula with open water and river, a series of lakes, a space much larger than I’d considered with connecting terraces and habitats. I was in a mix of people and seemed to be in my northern and ocean practice.

I’ve just discipline Madigan. He began barking at my neighbours and wouldn’t come when I called. He’s inside now. His barking is irritating and I must make further moves to control it.  

It was chilly when we walked about the park this morning.  It’s warming up. I have three patients and an IDAA meeting. Then the cleaning ladies come for the afternoon. They are from Merry Maids and supervised by the Asian lady Annie.  I don’t remember their names though think one was Laurie. One was 7 years in NA.  I’ve a chiropracter visit with Dr. 

Ready tomorrow morning. Tomorrow afternoon the Bustards are meeting me at my storage locker where I am lightening up by giving them my old furniture. It was bought for my offices and written off. I just don’t need the weight.  I hope they appreciate it.  They’re valuable pieces.  I’d like more time and help reducing the ‘excess’ in the storage locker. I’d like to reduce my files and get rid of the boxes of excess.  I will make some progress this weekend.  Sunday I have an apt for a monkeypox vaccine.  

I’ve thought of training in pulling this trailer but expect it will wait till next year.  This year I am booking a Best Western motel in Yuma for November. I have thought of going to Berlin and Vienna. I thought to travel au femme.  Laura and I have a bow hunting trip first week of Sept.  I’m looking forward to the ATV riding.  

I’ve been reading westerns.  I’ve signed up for a day of Psychopharmacology at UBC in Sept. A Friday I’ve another couple of one day courses I’d like to take on line from Oxford England.

I’m in Limbo still working on being in the day. I’ve these vague plans and feel I’m doing ‘good enough’ working still. I just don’t know how I’d live without the steady income. I’m not ready to reduce my spending though in many ways I have .  I’m downsizing and when I heard of a doctor retiring at 77 thought that could be me. This is a good easy life in many ways except for the back pain and desire to transform.  I think of getting estrogen in Mexico.  I would like PreP too.  I imagine that I’d be then ‘open’ to contact and fantasize about meeting someone if only for a tryst.  Laura seems to be winding down and I don’t feel like I’ve lived yet in some ways. I want more life and adventure.  I look forward to having my camper again.  I am weary of loneliness and would be among adults who are sober but not prudish so that I can feel comfortable in company. It is something I miss.  Human interaction.  

I see patients all day and travel within the lines.  

I’m thankful for God and all the wonders of creation. Thank you for my family, friends, home, training, work.  Thank you for all the blessings I ‘m so glad to have. Thank you for this day and help me know you and your will more clearly.

Thank you.

I saw this on a walk one morning and was attracted but Madigan would be happier with the car or truck

George and his wife Dahl….he asked me to give him his 46 year cake as Marty was away. What an honor.