Monday, February 24, 2014

The Mazda Miata M5 Sportscar and the Ford 350 Diesel Truck

Miata: “I’ll tell you what that brute did to me. He drove me onto a Ferry. I was in a big boat in the dark with only that dog, Gilbert ,as company.  I hate how dogs dig their  claws into my fine upholstery.

Ford: "I 'm with you there, Princess."

Miata: "Then he drove me off the ferry on Vancouver Island through Victoria to a place called Sooke.  It was snowing. Yes snowing. You know I can’t stand snow. I'm a sports car. You know we're not made for snow. It's all wet and slippery. I know they call them all terrain tires but they mean all terrain Arizona or California but certainly not all terrain Canada. I had  the awfullest time not sliding off that highway.

Ford: "I know what you mean there. That cold wet slush even creeps out my big boy tires."

Miata:  "It's kind of you to say that But then you know what the awful brute did ? ! He took me right off the road up this logging road  into the woods. He said he was going to  Mount Joy College. Hope Alive!  I thought when we started up that road.  It was so slippery I was sliding backwards at times. Mount Joy is a Christian society. Well,  I can tell you this road was  made for donkeys. Not that I saw much of that gravel road. It was a miracle I survived.
That road was so steep and  covered all over with  snow and slush and ice.   It went right over my tires. My beautiful bottom was scraping on cold snow all the way up that mountain.   That brute was  using me as a snow plow.
He finally stopped. Only got half way up I heard later.  He's not completely daft. But he left me on the road. Right there. Took that dog and left. It was a horrible night. A foot of snow fell on me. I was all alone in the wilderness. It was a horrible horrible night.

Ford: "You see. I told you about him and you didn't believe me. Didn't I tell you about that time he put us in the ditch and kept me out in the cold all night with only that man sized fire keeping him warm. Lucky my oilcan didn't freeze that night."

Miata: "I know I didn't believe but I've seen his true colours.  He's always treated me nice untill now. Drove me a little fast mind you at times but no outright abuse like this. The next day when he came to get me, he drove me right into the ditch. He wasn't actually aiming me at the ditch. I just slid there myself because of the ice and gravity but he should have considered that.
My poor little skin took a dint from a mean nasty branch. You know I’m not meant for such brutality. If there was an organization for the abuse of automobiles I’d phone them and report him after what he did to me.   He and those other Christians tried to get me out of the ditch but then left me, all of them. They piled into a jeep  saying they had to get to Church. At least they took that dog with them.
Christians, they call themselves. Christians and they leave me, a veritable princess of a car, stuck in the wet and snow surrounded by wilderness and trees over loaded with snow. They were actually breaking and leaving branches all over that road. One big big tree cracked right over top of me. I thought I was a goner for sure.  But I’m lucky.  Animal didn’t maul me out there.  But they could have.  Nothing stopping stopping thieves from abducting me.   The Christians went  off to church claiming they’d pray for my release."

Ford:  "I've been with him a lot of times and I'd say it was the prayers not that got us out of those stupid situations he puts us in out hunting alone by himself in that wilderness.  I never believed in prayers much but I've seem impossible things.  So what happened?"

Miata: "They returned. They put a rope under my undercarriage with no thought of decency.  Then they dragged me down the mountain like I was a log.  In this dry stretch between a steep ravine and a rocky cliff he decided he could turn around. Didn't ask my opinion. It was so tight that he had to have one man standing at the front while another at the back.  They'd shout stop so I didn't go bounding over the ravine and down the side of the mountain. Then the other guy would shout stop when that brute back up only an inch or two before almost smacking my pretty rear  against that mountain side.  It was unbearable anxiety. Not that he cared.
After,  he actually skied me down the rest of that mountain logging road, tapping my brakes while I was in terror.  I especially hated those  switchbacks where the snow had accumulated. I went swerving around them like I was going to slide over the side any minute.  It was a nightmare, a sheer nightmare.
I don't even remember how we got across that city with all those slippery roads.  I was in shock until I was again in that dark place on the ferry with that forever happy overly enthusiastic long nailed dog. Then more slipping and sliding on the highway with all that slush.  I’m just lucky I got back here alive. All the while you, the big bruiser who should have been making this trip were sitting on your toosh in this parking lot."

Ford: “I’m sorry Princess.  At least now you'll believe me when I tell you what he does with me.  Doesn’t even bother if there’s a road and  sometimes straps that huge house of his to my ass. As well he expects me to carry his motorcycle. That  motorcycle acts nice around you because he has a thing for you but with me he's  the most supercilious ass.  Loves sitting there up on my back laughing at me as I do all the miles and he gets off just for the glory work.

Miata: "I believe you now. I'm no innocent when it comes to his way with vehicles.  I"ve seen it first hand. He can't be trusted. No respect."

Ford: "Now don’t you worry, Princess,  with all this snow I’m sure he won’t make you work tomorrow.  It’s my turn for his abuse.  I just hate when he takes me into Vancouver and tries to squeeze me into those impossibly small parking spaces.  I can see why you like executive parking and cities but they’re lost on me. It's so crowded and there's people walking across the road at Main and Hastings and they're not even there.  Half the drivers don't know how to drive. The other half are on their cell phones. I'd rather be out in the country with him.  He's not so bad when we're alone but when he brings his RV or that motorcycle along, that's when I'm fed up."

Miata: "Give me a city and a highway any day compared to wilderness mountains and logging roads.
 At least we’re having  a break from the seagulls where he parks us by the ships."

Ford: "I hate those seagulls."

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