- by william hay
Most people have heard of the so called “missionary’s position”. In this position woman lies on her back and man enters her vagina with his penis while lying on top of her. A gentleman might lift his weight somewhat by pushing himself off a bit and if he’s not quite a gentleman may at most look down between her and himself at the woman’s body and might even admire watching his own business end of the engagement. The proper woman in the so called ‘missionary position’ lies back unmoving with her eyes closed and her head to her side.
When Victorian girls approached their mother on wedding night and expressed fears or concerns, the appropriate maternal response was always, “LIE BACK AND THINK OF ENGLAND.”
A couple who has had a go at this position for some time may not surprisingly consider variation. The most common and least offensive then is side by side. Daringly the man may actually move onto the more primitive and most animal like position of all, that of rear entry. Not anal entry, a different matter entirely. But rear entry. In this instance he enters the woman’s vagina with his penis from behind. She may be lying on her belly or more likely bent double or on her knees, “presenting herself” as zoologists describe the female monkey doing for her mate.
If sex education was really about safety men would be advised to use shower mats or stick to hallways with good carpeting. Further women in therapy have complained about lack of consideration of their backs by men bent on the gallant and finding themselves against that modern sharp stucko stuff used in hotel lobbies. The railing in the elevator has triggered some with the result that for no reason at all perfectly good elevators sometimes get caught between floors before a dishelved woman and man get off after the thing has spontaneously come back on
This brings the matter of positions to the geographical. However before saying that, the Kama Sutra should be mentioned. This has innumerable positions most of which I can positively say I have not tried. Personally however one of my fondest memories of sex was a night with my wife and the kama sutra and the attempt at the positions demonstrated in the pictures in the book. There was no actual orgasmic sex just the attempt to position ourselves such that we might. The night is most memorable for it’s laughter. It was a thoroughly hilarious evening and I would perhaps recommend it to others in good health without back problems or other disabling musculoskeletal conditions that might get in the way of experiencing the coupling pretzels might well have had to get up to if man hadn’t compassionately provided for their reproduction in factories..
Most people having moved along the line to lying, kneeling, standing and front, side and rear variations of these can get their kicks out of changing positional locations which allows for a multiplying of the potential permutations in these new sites.
Newly weds do it on the bed. Not surprisingly women usually prefer the feel of pillows and silk at their back to stucko or kitchen floor linoleum. Unless of course their initiation took place in a car, not uncommon in North America however the movies would have us believe that haystacks were once popular despite the itchiness of these without a protective blanket. Similiarly Hollywood beach scenes never seem to take into account where sand gets to and how it is the exact opposite of a lubricant.
Now regardless of initiation, couples, especially young couples, move about. There’s all the rooms of the suite to be tried, the chairs, and couches, floors and walls. In the future when gravity is conquered no doubt ceilings will be a lover’s paradise. Vehicles, backyards , tents, cabins, boats, canoes and such are checked out as well. A lot of the joy of the hotel and motel is simply that it gives a couple a ‘new place’ to have sex. All of this is enlivening to an increasingly routine event.
If there was no monogamy couples would simply drift apart, find another, and the wonder of sex in the neighbour’s backyard might never have been discovered. Monogamy has likely been a major contributor to sexual creativity in more ways than otherwise acknowledged.
These variations of position and place are common alternatives that reduce the likelihood of changing personnel. Like the many different hair colours and make up that women use these variations suggest novelty. If anthropologists and zoologists and a multi billion dollar fashion industry are to be believed men want or need variety. Increasingly women, too!
If the kama sutra with headstands together in a hammock causes excitement to be added to the novel positional arrangement then the fear of getting caught can add another level of excitement to the geographical positional world. Hence the ‘neighbour’s’ backyard, when of course the couple already have a perfectly good and probably more discrete back yard of their own
And the elevator.
And the bushes.
And parked cars in parks where police cruise and while catching college students not infrequently are embarrassed to find elderly deans and grey haired wives or church deacons and their wives having too good a time in supposedly public places. But what does one pay taxes for? Certainly not to encourage voyeurism among police.
This exciting place alternative also goes on to the mile high club and the real allure of scuba diving in warmer waters. If men and women can think of it then indeed it is occurring and not just on the top of hills which climbers have scaled though no one as yet has claimed or admitted to Everest. Space was certainly more attractive with images of sex kitten Jane Fonda as Barbarella. Space shuttles and space stations, submarines, nuclear missile silos, air balloons have all had their christenings. In keeping with the genetic advantage of near premature ejaculation a couple apparently consummated their relationship parachuting which doesn’t give a whole lot of time for foreplay and delay might give a whole other meaning to ripchord.
Places that are exotic and romantic are well appreciated for their inherent change.
This is a precursor and the fanatically right might argue as the church did that any variation from the prescribed missionary position was entering on the slippery slope.
No research has however been done to show whether variation preceded a change of personell or addition of players or lack of creativity in the matter of position and place led quickly to the more obvious way to have ‘variety’ , that being different or more partners. That indeed is the next major variation though the various bondage may be placed along a line of development or change that predates the partner variation. The various ‘games’ of dungeon play and fetishes can indeed keep a couple fully satisfied in each other though of course others argue that this is part of the same slope. It is increasingly difficult to draw a line though doctors traditionally have asked the question regarding risk and harm and encouraged safety.
Deviation was a word that implied alteration from the ‘true’ reproductive sex whereas today without that as the central motivating factor of the vast majority of sex, all human and especially couple based sexual functions might well be re grouped under the term “variation” with ‘deviation’ more specifically used to describe the more disturbing sexual behaviors that harm others or do not involve consenting adults.
Indeed those variations seem deserving still of the terms ‘deviation” wheres a woman who ties her husbands hands to the bed posts today would hardly be deserving of the term “deviant’. Yet that is what she would be by clinical definition and by law. Indeed her behaviour might well break existing state laws. Those with secular power and authority could see her as needing ‘reeducation’ and describe her behaviour as ‘absolutely undeniably deviant.” Of course her inferior childhood upbringing or abnormal neurochemistry would be cited.
It is not surprising that even the rich and powerful are discrete about their ‘harmless’ sexual activities in a society so primitive and judgemental when it comes to other peoples sexuality. Yet it is likeliest that the greatest deviation/variation is to be found among the very rich because as any person with kids and two jobs might attest they often hardly have the time and energy for the same old same old. The distinction that the rich have is surplus leisure time. Not surprisingly vacations usually do marvels for stagnant marital sexual lives.
In addition the modern woman has apparently talked adding to the unusual noises already made by the 'two backed beast." This has certainly been viewed as either positive or negative. Whole text books might be assigned to the meaning of these conversations and verbal communications and their significance at any point in relationship development or indeed wear in the actual sexual act they occur. A simple "oh my" can mean many different things without a clarifying event calendar.
A less than flattering old joke asks what the difference is between a prostitute, a French call girl, and a housewife? The prostitute asks "are you finished yet?", the call girl says, "more, mon cherie, more" while the housewife says, "beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Probably the most disturbing variation by the woman's movement woman that has confounded all both positively and negatively is that she is not staying still. She apparently has in recent years increasingly moved despite the earlier recommendation of lying back and thinking of England. Lying back and thinking Canada might well cause one to fidget.
The woman’s movement certainly can add or greatly subtract from the proverbial headstand in hammock position. For some men a “moving target” greatly enhances the challenge especially since chasing women and dragging them down bodily before whacking them in the head with a club has become decidedly passé. Not only frowned upon it can for better or worse lead directly to a whole new range of sexual experience in a more confining place.
Slow men and fast women might well genetically be left behind in exchange for the modern woman with calypso hips or trailer trash tongue.
That said I personally have no position on the matter and would only ask that I keep my place. Even making observations about sexuality could be misconstrued as voyeurism. The advent of viagra and cialis have however at least given some people the time to think about the matter if no more than that. God forbid we should talk about it.