Rainy Day, Burnaby

I just walked Madigan. He waited patiently at the end of the walk. I’d forgotten the routine of towelling him off.  I turned from making coffee and fetched a towel to give him a good rub down. He then proceeded to the run wild back and forth through our home jumping and rolling on the bed and sofa.  There wet walk day completed.  I made my coffee.

Thinking of God and God’s love. I’m single without children and old. Most of my religious friends and spiritual friends are totally absorbed in their children and grandchildren. The Bible and other religious texts spoke to them. The society is mainstream oriented to families . The most content are like my parents, themselves parents with the fulfillment of the life long work visiting them as we did. They’re seeing the completion of the circle .Caring for children who grow up to be adults who care for them.

I’ve mostly cared for outsiders, the mentally ill, the diseased, the addicted, the broken, the healing, the lonely, depressed anxious.  So many are without families and many without friends.

I’ve been blessed with family and friends but I have no children and the future looks different.  I remember my Aunt Sally single without children enjoying our visits and I appreciated when my nephews visitted. I enjoy my god family as well. But mostly I like to be alone. I enjoy the LBGT community too because it’s mostly single people with friends though the trend to partnership and marriage has really taken off. Even adoption is occurring to the pleasure of all. I’ve got a dog. A lot of the single men have dogs and the single women have cats, I have a friend Laura with her children and god children.  Definitely a blessed friend.

I’m uncertain of the future.  I don’t have the same sense that grandparents about me do, that they’ve done their work and the children and next generation are now. I feel I’m still young and at work though rainy days remind me of the aches and the deaths of friends my age has me wary.  I imagine travelling more and so enjoyed my week camping with my camper. 

Hunting season is fast approaching and I have another couple of weekends glamping in the camper with Laura and Madigan. I’ll have the ATV for daily grouse hunts and actually hope to shoot a deer. I miss venison.  Yet the whole idea of hunting, once so pressing and central is not nearly so. I didn’t even fish last week. I’m just not as interested. I don’t know if that’s dysthymia .  I still pray and meditate but don’t have the sense of ‘destination’.  Time is moving along and the future is now coming at me more than me going towards it.  I’m in the process. I’m doing ODAAT.  Tonight I go to a meeting. I know I need to get out socially more but it’s so easy since Covid to isolate.  

Thank you God for this rainy day.  You know the plants needed it.  I love the green of Burnaby and am so thankful for the rain after a long stretch of blessed hot and dry. I’ve so enjoyed the sunshine.  With plans to go south and visit Mexico again I don’t feel like there’s too little sun.  I’ve been outside and have a tan and am thankful for that and the sense of healthiness summer sunshine brings.  Now I’m enjoying the rain and remember always the years of study and writing poetry, rainy day pursuits.  Mostly reading.

Thank you Jesus for your guidance and sacrifice. Thank you God for this life and creation. Thank you for the people in my life and those who have gone before Thank you for my work and purpose. Thank you for this day.  Thank you for my meeting tonight and the guys I’v come to know and appreciate.  

Thank you Lord.  May I know and do thy will. Thank you Lord.