The mobile app asked me questions which I would only know if I could access my bank account. Silly security person. The need for access occurred when Apple Care sent me a new IPad to replace the one which had a crack on the glass after I slipped in the rain climbing Arthur’s Seat Edinburgh. It was 2 weeks and a half dozen calls to Scotia bank, with half hour waits or more during business hours, and a discussion with my bank manager. She suggested coming in and they’d answer the security questions with access to my account. I did this at North Road and they had it solved but with a temporary 24 hours solutions. I was notified of this in Seattle where I was on cellular roaming charges and learned phoning the wait would be 1/2 hour or more and because it’s a business account realized it might now be solved. There is also something wrong where they don’t recognise me when the data is right, at the bank, and further they don’t get the notification to the device I set up their 2 step notification on. I think the later is because since doing that I’ve replaced the old phone so the message goes to the old phone.
It really was a rabbit hole and I’m very thankful this is solved. I have so many patient concerns and these distractions are very stressful. My paranoia kicks in when the Government of Canada is freezing accounts of peaceful demonstrations and Trudeau has become a dictator using all manner of Nazi/Communist powers so all of us who find him nauseated and have spoken out against his increasingly truculent despotism fear we could be next to be struck down. It’s silly. No one would have thought the war measures acct for a peaceful demonstration. No one would have thought the utter abuse of powers with lockdowns and the cosntant use of the Communist dominated WHO.
Davos is going on right now. The Climate Change Religion is meeting and they’re doing their Repent and doom saying while they hypocritically fly private jets and party on the backs of the workers. A total. Give the Cake scenarios. Meanwhile we have what we need right here I’m not hurting though word of starvation and shortages abound elsewhere.
I’m trying to live in the here and now. 24 hours.
I remember the Canadian Military Sergeant in Chilliwack saying to me after a meeting “you’ve got one foot in the future and one foot in the past . You’re pissing and shitting on your day. Get your head in the same room as your ass is.”
So I’m a big fan of Brother Lawrence and the Practice of the Presence of God. Like the hippie era Be Here Now by Richard Alpert (Baba Ram Dass). I think that was Zen or Hinduism.
Now I’m faced with the misinformation and disinformation of media and the constant fear mongering by government. Crisis creation and the illusion of ‘unplanned’ reactions when increasingly these ‘events’ of ‘crisis’ seem planned years in advance. So the issue is ‘truth’.
Truth is what I know. I place the greatest priority on what I experience. I have been to Paris and know that it existed last month. It may not exist right now but I’m pretty sure it likely did. It was there when I was there and I have heard nothing contrary. I don’t know if the Ukraine exists but I have Ukrainian friends and they say it exists and share hearsay evidence of emails of family there in the war. So I’m pretty sure there is a war between Russia and Ukraine and NATO. I don’t know whose winning. I don’t know whose the Nazis. I do know by history RuSsia in vase but it was also that Ukraine, east Ukraine was Little Russia and the Crimean was Russia. I read the history of the Crimean war.
So there’s what I know and the truth is of lesser validity as I move from my actual knowledge which is Ukrainian friends who I believe tell me the truth. It’s like a similiar hierarchy for ‘scientific truth ‘ and the scientific method of ‘judgement of the validity of research.’ Retrospective studies being less valid in general than prospective studies.
Since media is ‘owned’ and utterly propaganda and political on the internet I can only have very poor knowledge of even the ‘facts’. Selective bias is the normal. They can even photoshop reality and create video and photographs that are staged and Hollywood. I tried listening to both sides and believe some middle road but I no longer think that is true. Even the selection of the ‘story’ is rife with ‘opinion’. Marshal MacLuhan said ‘the media is the message’.
It’s not really in my day. Whatever ‘threat’ exists is at a distance. Today there is more threat from the Despot Trudeau with his inflation and tax burden and clown episodes. That said I just accessed my mobile banking and I have my bills covered.
I’ve paid the rent. There’s food in the refridgerator. My dog is welll. I’m healthy
I would like PReP. This is the medication that prevents HIV. I fear when I’m out and about I carry condoms and have this distrust in myself that I might put myself at risk. A broken condom. It’s such catastrophising on the scale that the Climate Change nut bars take but I have carried condoms for ever and since working in the VGH ER witnessing the HIV epidemic I’ve been a total germophobe re STD’s. It goes back to the first assault too. I ‘m not that young man. There’s no rush. There’s no situation. It’s all psychotic. But I’m crazy this way.
I fundamentally have a childhood and church induced shame about sex and sex is bad and disease comes from sex. I have friends who are festigious about food. I’m in a fantasy world where I’d like sex but am afraid of disease. Even if I had PReP I doubt it would change my behaviour or increase my risk. I don’t even have sex. Years since a stranger. Only unprotected with one but what of their status. I’m paranoid . It’s obviously a flash back to being raped. I’m having a lot of the past intruding on my present now that I’m older. I haven’t had the nightmares. I am working on ‘surrender’ because I don’t seem to have much control and my chronic back ache and weaknesss and fatigue are harbingers of a future of old age Now so many of my patients tell of their being abused . Elder abuse. There I am like my Dad fearing the future. We talked of death , the old guys, out walking and that was the topic. We’re closer and it’s not the death but the dying and the creeping decline. Further the thought that the government the Nazi/Communist enemy epitomized by the nauseating Trudeau would delight in all of us choosing MAiD today. The biological warfare from China with the feeling of betrayal that Trudeau and his sino Canadian vaccine and lies about chine and refusal to disclose the truth of chinese scientists in Manitoba. It’s all just frightening and I am through back to being raped and powerless, held down. Drugged too. No one cares. I’m a man. Yet I’m a fraud. I want protection on all levels and it’s just psychotic. The only refuge is the Lord. Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
Tied to that I think of going on hormones and changing gender. I carry such a burden or work and life that I really want a new identity. I feel I’ve done a lions share of heavy lifting working constantly and serving but being hated by women and society, the gynecentric society and open season on old white men especially Christians. I’d rather be an old lady. I want to hide. I want to die sometimes rather than carry the anxiety of constant demands for perfection that I’ve lived my life against and judgment perpetually by junior doctors with arrogance oozeing from their privilege appointments ignorant bullies but nonetheless my experience and training has left me the ‘falsely accused ‘ and not even able to have ‘righteous anger’. I am a loser in the standards of the day where the rich are the lowest government employee with ‘indexed pension’. Today I face inflation.
Identification with the aggressor. Eva Brawn’s the true HItler.
Or the whole woke movement is what it appears a total lie
Black is white and White is black.
It’s 1984 and Animal Farm.
Davos is happening today.
Im happy with what I have. I’m thankful today I’ve mobile banking returned and there is no discrepancy to be concerned about. I’ve now the capacity to address the financial issues.
Fear of economic insecurity will leave us. Yet here I am concerned about status and finances. I imagine that as a woman there is little expectation of me to financially support other women as I have all my life only to abused always by the feminists.
The criticisms of the ex wife come back to me “you’re so lucky’ she ‘d say as a slur.
Luck is the evidence of a holy life I’d think. I’m wondering about God today. God is good all the time. I’m wanting to know what God wants me to do.
Today I’m to go to work. I’ve a day of service to complete.
I’ve got to shower now.
I will walk the dog. I will say hello to neighbours. I will maybe even swim this evening. Tomorrow I hope to have the truck fixed. I phoned Frazerway RV to ask yet again when my camper will be completed or what they will do to replace it. The insurance claim have been done. It’s been there since last November.
The other cadillac problem is whether I license my Harley for the weekend. I don’t know. I”m just going one hour at a time. Now it’s shower time.
I’m so thankful that this nuisance with the mobility app is solved. Thank you Jesus.
It’s a sunny day and nice weather is returning. Thank you Jesu.
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