Yahweh, the Hebrew name of God, means ‘beingness’. God is all. St. John said ‘in the beginning is the Word’. The sound of Om and the Celestial Spheres play throughout the physics of the String theory.
At old age I ask what it is I’m still here to accomplish. I carry water and haul wood. I breath with great delight each day. I lost some of my sense of smell leaving me extremely grateful for what I still have. The rain is falling now. I”d just returned from walking Madigan, the cockapoo. Thankfully I was dressed but hadn’t done more than done blouse and skirt and there was Anna at the door with the collection of the mere cats. Anna is the Great Mother. She has 5 children, four she bore and one the child of her husband and their father Kevin. She had brought me golden scarf she had kniftted and a pink one for Laura. We are blessed.
Meanwhile the kids are trying to meet Madigan the puppy who is standing back cautious and uncertain but very curious. He’s not been around children much and only met these few and his nephews Covid does that. Keeps us apart.
Meanwhile I see these god children and Omnicron and long for the time of the Terrors to be over.
In medieval times all in the village had to worthship the same way because if there was dissension by one this would anger the gods. The Minority sould bring on the majority the wrath of primitive God. God loves. God is all. But those who insist they know want God to be like them. God made in their eyes. Not the mystery. Not the great unknown. Not the father and the mother. Rather the ‘me’ God. The God of this world. The State as God. All much worship as I do.
Yesterday the Truckers convoyed to Ottawa objecting to the forced mandate and increasing government overreach. The emergency powers of Covid are being extended by the cow Trudeau. I don’t see what women see in him. His voice alone is so false, a grade B, porn star actor with a penchant for little girls. He has made friends of the Godless Communists and the Muslims dictators whose people have never had the bravery of the Magna Carta. There is no Story of Wallace in the Middleeast. The Jihadi is like the Borg. Last night I enjoyed watching the Viking episode when the Norseman with their Queen and shield maiden warriors invades the Saracen lands of Spain. I’ve just read of the Christians expelling the corrupt Berbers from Europe.
Now the United Nations Agenda 21 has allowed so many military aged men to move into Germany. But then Germans have been taught self loathing and finance for decades. It’s an odd politics with Putin and Russia on the border of Ukraine. Here in Canada the Ukrainians are such a force like the Hong Kong and Taiwanese Chinese. Even so Xi Jinping having let the Covid 19 Frankenstein virus spread from the Wuhan Lab to wreck havoc on the world, turns out more aircraft carriers to claim the China Sea. Communist China seems on the verge of collapse like USSR once was and a Republic is born. Russia and China agree to make a Moon Base as the US goes forward with theirs. The new North America of Columbus time is in Outer Space.
I consider life and pleasure. Everything in moderation or else we call it a ‘sin’, a missing the mark
Cardinal Sins
1.PRIDE
2. GREED
3. WRATH
4. ENVY
5. LUST
6. GLUTTONY
7. SLOTH
These contrast the Heavenly Virtues
1. HUMILITY
2. CHARITY
3. PATIENCE
4. GRATITUDE
5. CHASTITY
6. TEMPERANCE
7。DILIGENCE
Looking at these lists I don’t feel very spiritually advanced. I”m humbled.
Just read the most common deadly sin confessed to priests is lust for men and pride for women.
I’d say I’m doing okay on humility but that’s an oxymoron there. Charity I’m passing. Patience I am definitely ahead of yesterday. Gratitude I’m doing flying colours at time. Chastity failing. Temperance failing but okay with Diligence
So must working on Chastity and Temperance. If I looked at the actual number of lustful thoughts or actions I’m doing really well compared to teens and twenties. Age is a distracting factor. I’ve a lowered libido, less interest, I’ve indulged in everything I every considered so like Buddha the desire is simply not there. I’ve a bad habit of eating and watching TV. It’s not so much what I’m doing today that bothers me as what I’m not doing. I don’t feel the drive to achievement and am more or less muddling along.
I continue to work and work is dharma, prayer, and definitely ‘right livelihood’ so that’s good. I ‘get by’. With lockdowns and covid and isolation and the steady attack on all by my own government and the ignorance of neighbour or befuddled apathy I feel I’m ‘surviving’ and even ‘thriving’ at moments. I described my planned trip to my grandfather’s home, the search for roots, the answering of the question ‘what next’. I have done my years of the ‘profession’ and ‘calling’ of medicine but the College has reduced the role of clinician to a ‘job’ and I sometimes feel I’m contributing to their pride and evil. I no longer feel I’m on the ‘A” team. I feel even Canada now is an increasingly third world country brought low by the corruption and utter evil of national leadership. Right now I’m Don Quiote. I’m also old and Doystoyevski comes to mind and Tolstoy and Somerset Maugham. I was fascinated by the mother and child representation of art with with Ageism everywhere I might well be reflecting on the old. I say I don’t know what I’m going to do when I grow up. Retirement looms and yet I continue to work. I call my trip and movement now ‘kedging’. I feel with last year I was on a shoal. I wonder about sailing again. Crossing the Atlantic or sailing to the Caribbean often pass through my mind but mostly I think of an RV and camper. Recently I thought again of the hunting and fishing trip through northern BC. I wondered about another year of moose meat barbecue. There’s a possibility. I just don’t know. I’m in limbo and without a plan do the same old same old.
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