Thinking about retirement

My accountant shocked me saying that Trudeau has made it so we can’t save RRSP’s after a certain age.  That means he gets more taxes and I work harder for less. That’s the story of my life in Canada. I’ve been a workaholic and high status with high responsibility and overwhelming demands. Meanwhile the government beurocrats, judges and politicians have demanded perfection from me while giving themselves more and more money for less and less.  

The money money I ever made was my first years as a family physician.  

Canada is a great country for the mediocre.  Meritocracy is punished in communism.  The rewards always go to the party and administrators. The workers and I’ve always been a ‘worker’ are little rewarded.  If the government wasn’t transferring any wealth I made divorce judges were giving my hard earned money to my ex wives who were wealthier than I was but really interested in money.

I never was as stupid and elite as Justin Trudeau thinking that the ‘budget will balance itself’ but I did see that some 50% of those I knew had some work on the black market or got into government jobs for the money.  Conrad Black said American parents want their children to grow up to be entrepreneurs and Canadian parents want their children to be beurocrats. 

I didn’t have children. I married women who wanted first and foremost to have careers.  I had a woman abort my child. I saw countless men have their children denied to them by the government based on lies and false accusations. I saw lawyers and judges rape families and destroy children.  It might have been okay when 80 to 90% of families stayed married. But 50%% divorce rates show a systemic problem.  

I ‘ve been anxious all my life,  I was strapped and caned by teachers and billy clubbed by police as a ‘hippy’.  My friends who ‘dropped out’ and grew marijuana are millionaires today. The McGill study showed that when taxes pass 50% the incenstive to hide money results in more black market and actually less taxes. Trudea has been flogging a dead horse, the honest law abiding tax paying hard working citizen, continuously. I don’t trust the government.  Steal a little and they put you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king.  

I’ve been afraid to invest. I bought a rental property and a gang moved in and the attorney general, police and courts all protected the psychopaths. Thankfully a lawyer who knew this ‘modus operandi’ of these pscyhopaths alerted me before they could totally destroy my property. As it was I made no money and paid to get away.

I saw what the banks did in the Golf Mona Sacks and Fanney Mae rape of the investor.  

I had a choice once to get a law degree or a theology degree. I couldn’t trust my fellow man and felt I needed to know God more.  I applied to join a monastery and was encouraged to continue to be a doctor,

I’ve been a good clinician.  In fact given the number of evil people I’ve protected my patients from I’ve been good enough to have colleagues say I must be the best to be able to withstand the persecution. All my career I’ve had someone complained I said the word ‘fuck’ and superiors saying that was the reason someone complained whereas in fact I was refusing to lie for that individual, give them drugs, or something else.  So in the end I was punished all the times on the colour of my shirt and false accusations became the norm in Canada because the courts and government were corrupt to the core. Justin Trudeau is the most unethical PM in the history of Canada and despise his unethical behaviour his lying his drug abuse, his breaking countless laws, his abuse of women and old people and marginal people he sets that standards,

I’m afraid. I’m afraid of authorities.

Then I pray and meditate and say it’s okay.  All shall be well. God is good all of the time.  

I’ve seen the most terrible abuse of old men in Canada, I’ve seen horrible abuse of old women. I’ve seen increasing racism against the old white people where young coloured gangs justify their tribalism and abuse using Justin Trudeau’s propaganda rag to back their play.

I was mugged by a group of Muslims men who hurt me, ripped off my cross , screaming infidel and may have killed me if  I hadn’t martial arts training as a kid and could run like the wind in terror as an old man.  I’ve been stabbed and shot at in Canada and taken hostage and there’s been no compensation.  I’ve been a real victim, not a thought victim, not a want to be victim. I was raped and attacked sexually repeatedly as a teen and shot at hitchhiking as a long haired musician. I’ve been chased by rednecks through corn fields by 4 good old boys wanting to teach the ‘hippie’ a lesson.

I cross dress today as a political statement. People shouldn’t be killed for what they wear.  Yet more and more immigrants believe it’s justified to kill af maim people who wear a dress,. The Chinese lady asked me on Robbie Burns day why all the Canadian men are dressing like girls.  The ignorance of cultures of others outside their own is unbelievable Canadians have collectively been inclusive, We’ve had French and Natives forever and our faults have been historical whereas new comers come from places where their governments approve of even slavery and they criticize Canadians.  And they don’t like public services because their cultures have been family and tribal based so they don’t like caring for the old public ally believe that the ‘family’ should. Yet they have families of a dozen kids and my brother died.  My brother and I took care of my father and mother but they had pensions and collective benefits of ‘traditional’ Canada. The health care I provided as a doctor was ‘traditional canadian’ or ‘old stock’.  Increasingly much of what is standard requires money.  

I lost a few houses to women and their judges and a lack of desire to play the blame game.  I just left and gave them whatever they wanted to pay for my freedom from their constant complaining, criticism and abuse.  I said “I can see a hundred people a day or treat you, I can’t do both” . My arrogant insane wives refused to get help and did either Passive or active aggression and I just couldn’t deal with their insane families,  their lack of love , their incredible demands for me to work more and pay them more and to keep up with the jones. I thought I’d marry and we’d fuck and help each other. I helped them and I fucked but then all that stopped.  I spent years seeing therapists asking what more can I do for my wife.  One day she was happy , one day she was sad. 

I’ve seen as many marriages where the wife was the battle ax and the man was the nail. On the outside they look good but there’s an equal number of bitchs to bastards and 30 % of families get it right and do great.  

I failed, I’ve had 23 years of marriage and living together with different women and I’ve been with one woman over 20 years.  Still girls and boys with one year of going steady are quick to tell us all what to do,

How dare you!!!

The NWO of asking inexperienced idiots to lead countries.

So 12 years of higher education and more tests, often many a year, to prove my competence over and over and I work for people who vote for a clown.  I am supposed to admire education but I’m a specialist and I was a generalist and I’m a sub specialist and I’ve a person with 5 years education or less and far less experience telling me how to do my job,

I sailed solo in winter through hurricanes across the pacific 28 days alone and sea and I still have inexperienced people telling me how I ‘should’ ‘rig’ my boat.

I had a doctor tell me how I should talk to the dangerously insane. He’d never survive a day in the jails. He’s an authoritarian. Like Trudeau with his body guards and his gang supporters and his walled homes and security systems telling us we can’t have a knife to defend ourselves and we’ll go to jail if we fight back.

Or we’ll spend six month in court at ninety having wealthy elite judges arguing about how much force an old man should use when a young thug is putting the boots to him. 

I went to the principle and was strapped and caned,  Today I would be called a victim. I asked about radiation in the nuclear missile crisis because Kirk and I thought hiding under desks kissing our asses good bye was missing the point of the nuclear bomb, I was critizided by the principle for ‘talking back.  I was in Tinia where the bombers flew from, One of the pilots spent the rest of his life helping an orphanage.

I’ve studied theology and death. I trained with Elizabeth Kubla Ross.  I know my way around.  I’m tired of having education and experience and still being at the mercy of the brains dead bully,. I recommend everyone get a law degree.  Join the communist party.  Learn how to use weapons, join a gang.  Get one of those ‘I’m special , you can’t hurt me cards because I’m purple skinned or wa s born in a dessert or my God is better than your god or my not having a god is better than your not having a god,”. That’s gold.  

I wanted to serve, I had a call in university chapel to serve and I did.  The doctor police told me it was ‘just a job’ and that’s what they became doctors for ‘security, income and luxury’.  Their work records showed they avoided the heavy lifting.  Desk soldiers. Ivory tower folk.  I’m a front lines clinician and we’re hated.  I saw all my colleagues who did the real work be shafted by these back benchers, 

The leaders stand at the back of the shoulders and threaten to shoot them if they don’t charge without guns, without resources , without protection, I hear the RCMP and police and soldiers tell me the same thing.  The Peter principle has never been more alive and well in medicine. Steal a little and they put you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king.’

I’m just afraid.  I’m critical and desperate and my mind is pulled to the past when I try to think about the future.I’ve spent the last 20 years doing ‘one day at a time’.  I’ve really focussed on ‘being here now’.  I’ve remembered the communist aetheist materialist chinese machine gunning all the Tibetan Buddhist Holy Men praying for peace, They crucified all the closest friends of Jesus. I met the Dalai Lama. The second string monks seeing that mediation and prayer didn’t protect their leaders picked up enfield 303’s and sacrificed them selves for the children. The Dalai Lama was a child at the time. India protected him.  The Chinese Communists keep trying to invade India and India keeps beating them back. Even now the Communist Chinese Invasion of India has been stopped,

I am constantly talking to fellow Canadians and they’re a arrogant and ignorant about the world as they were when I was 19 and left Canada and bicycled across Europe seeing how manny choices people had and how our media and politicians lied to Canadians. Living in the US was an eye opener.  They aren’t evil. Americans are incredible so are Canadians and so all most of the people in the world

Only 10% or less or Russians created the USSR by murdering hundreds of millions of their fellows.  The Pol Pot Communists killed half their country man Communist Chinese especially under the great psychopath Mao killed a hundred million and still run gulags for organs. 

25 per cent of Canadians voted for Trudeau.  But mostly Canada is soft communism and totalitarianism.

The burned down 26 churches last year and nothing was done,  IF 2 mosques had been burnt down Trudeau would have declared martial law.  

I’m a Christian. I’m sober. I’m clean.  I’m walking among people like a Jew in the Middle East.  I don’t have a card.  People don’t realize just how violent and abusive aetheists are.  They call themselves secular. I’m a secular Christian not a secular aetheist. The secular aetheists are terrifying. 

The point is I’m a fraud. When I think of changing what I’m doing I have my brain fill with all the bad puss from the past. I’ve spent decades trying to forgive and forget. I’ve made countless amends. I’ve not fought back. I’ve turned the other cheek 40 times 40. I’ve accepted and tolerated the humiliation and abuse I ‘ve watched the creepiest dirtiest most dangerous be rewarded over and over again.

I’ve struggled not to compare.

I’ve seen I have this streak of self pity that is unbecoming.

I write countless gratitude lists Today I have this great sunny day. I have this crazy dog. I have a wonderful family. My assets outweighs my debts a lot. I don’t know how much I have because Trudeaus self serving corruption and theft and mismanagement of public funds has created horrendous inflation so that all retirees except those on government pension are punished by this utter stupid evil prick.  So I have a minimum government pension like everyone else and they’re unable to live on it in the DTES. My pension which I paid into as an investment for 30 years is now shared as a bonus to Trudeau’s scab voters , and his investment of my pension, giving it to the Communist Chinese to build coal mines with has not resulted in any benefit for me. If I’d had it to invest then like most Canadians who are’t trust fund buns and ski bunnies I’d have enough money to retire on just my pension. But it won’t even pay the rent.  And Trudeau’s going to tax all my savings the minute I use them and he’s going to punish me because I became a doctor rather than a politician and lawyer.  

Now I’m afraid.  I can’t even think ahead alone and then Covid strikes and it’s going to be more of this be abuse Canadians collectively will not be able to go forward successful lead by this idiot crime boss, stoner, 

I ‘ m afraid.  I get through each day by ‘doing the next right thing’.  I pray ‘one day at a time’ .  I’ve no idea when I’ll die. I have such existential angst.  

Meanwhile my life is pretty okay if I just think small. I made this great chicken. I had a barbecue one night then next day with the left over chicken I chopped it up and pan fried rice and vegetables and had a feast.  I just roasted Ethiopian coffeee beans and having one of the best brews.  

My dog was killed because I refused to ‘say a criminals urine was clean of marijuana’.  Two years ago another patient was threatening to kill my dog and even though he’d threatened to kill his lawyers dog and his boss my superiors took his side and punished me until he threatened to kill the PM.

No one but my friend  has ever apologized to me.

I’ve apologized all my life.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I grow up. I feel like I’ve done my ‘time’ of service. I like this virtual work,

I wonder about a 3 month vacation. Maybe next year I’ll go south and just work some virtual and drive. I like how a long motorcycle ride clears my head.

I don’t know.  People ask me if I’m going to retire and I dob’t know. The bullies say they want years of notice and they’ll punish me if I just can’t face their abuse any longer. To be told over and over again “you’re not good enough!!!!~!”  That’s what they tell all us doctors except a select few who ‘play the game’ and ‘brown nose’ and have that capacity to plan for pensions and jockey for power.  

You should never have defended your patients.  You stuck your neck way out and made some enemies.  The mentally ill are marginalized by the powers The addicted are even more abused.  I turned down a million dollar job over and over and then another million dollar job bercause I wasn’t to work with the ‘sickest’, those with the ‘greatest need’ , not the ‘worried well’.  What a fool.  

I never fought for myself but a lawyer protected me from government and judges.  Years of my life paying for doing the best medical and scientific thing only to have to defend it because a crack addict felt they should be allowed to keep their jobs and do crack and I wrote that they needed to get clean.  

I don’t know what to do next.  I’m muddling along.  I just hate this winter and covid and the narcissist nut bar in Ottawa.  His whole fanily are the worst of the worst.  Everything that I abhor.

Yet here I am and I can’’t make a decision. I’m even thinking a change of identity, sexual, personal and geopolitical might be safe.  I travelled to Meteorrah and Cappadocea to see what Christians did to get away from the Muslim hoards.  I’m now reading about the Spanish who freed themselves from tyranny in the recoquista.  Yet so many Canadians don’t know history just CBC propaganda,  

I loved hearing my friend, a survivor of Auschwitz called the ‘neo Marxists’ ‘maggots’ 

I don’t know. I’m afraid.