Wakening 3 am

Early morning wakening is supposed to be a sign of depression, especially if you can’t get back to sleep. I don’t feel depressed. I awoke from a particularly enjoyable dream of fishing and 4x4ing on my favourite peninsula.  I certainly don’t feel suicidal. I’ve just returned from Africa and in Ethiopia most nights I woke at 4 am.  My internal day night clock is seriously affected by jetsetting half way around the globe in a matter of weeks and back.  I’d understood it there but hoped that it would revert when I returned but the biological clock is definitely confused.

Gilbert and George are delighted.  Both of them sleep whenever so for a little ball throwing adventure, pets and treats and a little walk are just so much fun for them. I did clean the laundry into a bag and emptied out the clothing from my travel bags. My place needs a trustworthy cleaning lady so bad. It’s been years since I was blessed by a cleaning lady. Personally every month or so I get overwhelmed by the clutter and go at it. I vacuum and wash floors but it’s deteriorating again within 2-3 weeks then the dog and cat feel the place is primo while I’m on the edge.  I’d put it off before leaving because I had so much to do to leave and suddenly so many pieces wanting bits of me. Now I’m back and there’s a long list of things to do.  But what I really want is to nap.  Holidaying is intense, especially pilgrimages.

I was glad to see hippos.  Species are dying out around the world and have been since time immemorial. Without man dinosaurs disappears or at very least shrunk and became birds.  ISIS was proud of their destruction of Zoroastrian and Christian temples and churches.  I imagine extremists and thugs are going to one day destroy more of man’s greatest achievements so I am thankful that I saw the Rock Hewn Churches of Lalibela.  500 to a thousand years ago Christian leaders began making churches that would last and would inspire.  I am so thankful to have seen them and been where so many have worshipped before me.  

Now I’m thankful to be home, especially enjoying the cat and dog as caring companions.  I am really enjoying the familiar because frankly so much of Ethiopia was strange to me, the sights, food and people are distinct and different in individual ways. There are broad strokes of similarity but nothing like the specific individual familiarity I find in my own home. Not just the bed and organization or disorganization but a way of being.  I admired the simplicity and clarity I saw there. But then the path to modernity is fairly laid out whereas the past past that place is uncertain as I’m finding. 

I’ve been reading Niall Ferguson, The Square and The Tower again, enjoying his own networking as he cites all his colleagues describing network theory, degrees of separation, and hierarchies and conspiracy. It’s a fast and slow read. I know bits then rush forward, such as his discussion of psychologist, Millgram then I slow down in his discussion of the mathematics of the Bridges near Kant’s Philosopher’s Mile. I’d put down a Max Brand novel finding it too moralistic.  I really ought to write some novel I’d like to read when I can’t find something I like to read at 4 am. It’s actually 6:30 am now.I’ve been doing stuff it appears by the time passed.

I’ll nap before the light comes stronger. The snow is still melting away. I’d like to ride my motorcycle.  Without rain or snow I could attend to my storage locker.  I have this body to heal, the knee and neck still hurting while the cough is all but gone.  The lesson of vulnerability was strong this last trip. I don’t feel physically capable of fighting off a physical attack as I’ve felt all my life. That physical capability is slowly going despite my increasing efforts to slow the loss.  I’ve made much gain.  I’m still fairly capable but my days of jumping in the air in self defence and kicking an opponent in the head are but sweet memories.  I’m not even certain how fast or far I could efficiently run.  So I only went out alone a couple of evenings and both times I was afraid of the denizens of the dark.  In the daylight even I saw the benefits of the group tours.  They are definitely a thing for my future. Independence has it’s merits and it’s downfalls.

I’m tired again. A nap.  Weird hours I’m keeping.  Morning comets.