“Useful idiots”

Lenin described the masses who did not see the evil end to his design and let their freedom be stolen inches by inch, ‘useful idiots’.  They had superficial minds and were easily manipulated. They believed the propaganda and identified with the tyrants hoping to be in their favour by abject worship.  They were Huffington Post Girls . They lived lives of quiet desperation. Happy cabbages and they liked to strut and talk about empowerement but their cowardice showed too clearly when the push came to shove.  They were cut out dolls, Elliot’s “hollow men’.  

“Useful idiots’ is defined as a person propagandizing for a cause without fully comprehending the causes goals , and who is cynically used by causes’s leadership.

‘Muddy the waters’ is a term used in logic and rhetoric to refer to the rhetorical use of irrelevance to mask the true origin and nature of a phrase. Wikipedia makes a tadoo of it’s origin not being attributable to Lenin and goes off on a circumstantial tangent about some other possible sourc.e I remember standing in the Moscow leadership reading of Lenin’s murdering millions. It was there in Moscow. For years I’d heard that Lenin caused no harm but that the bad boy was Stalin. Meanwhile the Bolsheviks, Lenin, Stalin, Molotov and Trotsky distinguished themselves by arguing that murder, assassintation and bank robbery and whatever violence justified the cause. No wonder so many communists have taken to domestic violence along with endless acts of theft. Millions killed by communists and the first done by Lenin. The murder of the Czar his doing.

Now we have the Communist Chinese leadership no different, genociding Tibet and indigenous people in China, persecuting and murdering Christians. I was objecting this this and a Liberal, a communist, an aetheist objected saying that Jinping had embraced capitalism but allowing a private sector of exchange in the communist monolith of the dictatorship. Classic muddying the waters. The key phrase regarding Satan as written by Doystoyevski is his capacity to chameleon.  He is the ‘great deceivor’.  80 million murdered in Communist USSR that we know about, 100 million murdered in Communist China that we know about and millions, half the population murdered in Cambodia.  

Facebook, the communist ‘social media’ rag has censored me for calling Trudeau a ‘useful idiot’.  The objected previously to my ironic response to gay men demanding abortion rights when I said, with great humor and irony, “Kill heterosexual. Stop all birth’.  Yet as the censors for FB are Communist Chinese military, the advanced language, beyond the Concrete or Kitchen Language described by Piaget, that realm of abstract that is only taught in high school and never to thugs chosen for their low brow obedience, flew right over the heads of censors.  Censors are by nature a stupid lot. Hate speech would say such generalization is vile yet Zuckerberg paid millions to affect the American legislation when there was suggestion by the republicans that the Social Media giants were monopolies that needed breaking up.  Of course Zuckerberg and his greedy vile low brow money lot could not have that.  The embraced the Democrat party of War and the Ku Klux Klan, that death culture of abortion and corruption and said we can only say what hay says about the left if we say it against the right. The censored the President of the US, the head of the free world. Destroying democracy and establishing the basis for world global dictatorship by the few, the monied wealthy, the old family, priviledged and elite.  

So I am in good company.  Bonhoffer, here I am.  All who stand up to the tyranny and stupidity of the thugs are like Jesus who declares the divinity of man and stands against the hierarchy, this one of money and priviledge. The censorship is self serving. Those who accept the nonsense about ‘hate speech’ protection of other adults have never known the ‘speaker’s corner’ in London.  They are luddites. They are not you or me but them as e.e. Cummings would say. I can not remove the capital on Cummings name because of the stupidity of this computer word processor who has the brain of Trudeau, a puppet parrot thing made worse by drugs.  E.e. - again it wouldn’t let me work without censorship , didn’t not like to capitalize his name. He was against censorship and here is very name is censored.

Sobeit. I’m old. A friend reminds me I can die soon.  I’ve given my life for the company store and done my best to ease the pain and suffering of my fellow man.  I will sleep well. I no longer have nightmares about the persecution, imprisonment and torture I experienced at the hands of the evil. 

I’m weary today. I want a pasture. 

My dog and I must leave for work.

Spring birds

I love looking out my work window on to forest. I love seeing the birds in the nearest evergreen. I love the migrations of birds in spring and fall. I love my Nikon Coolpix P1000, the best bird camera I’ve known. I love taking pictures and looking them up in bird identification books or the on line Audubon app. I like it a lot when my resident ornithologist, Rob, a retired professor, identifies ‘mystery birds’ I just can’t identify. He did this with the Pine Siskin I thought was a sparrow with a 80’s heavy metal hair cut. 

British Columbia is God’s country. I’m now in Burnaby where the green is majestic. I am so thankful for the birds. Thanks to Rob, I’m even listening more to bird songs. He shared some tapes of chickadee songs and what they mean. Amazing!

Pine Siskin

Yellow capped sparrow

Chestnut backed chickadee

Spotted towhee

Spring and Beltane

It is spring. The first of May has passed. Beltane. A celebration of the new shining one. Belanos, Spring God. The festivals of bonfires in the nights. Groups holding hands and circling them in great simple dances. Couples holding hands and leaping over the fires. I did this in my youth. The Celtic Aryan joy of spring. Surviving in the terribly harsh north, coming through yet another winter.  Now enraptured with the warmth and sunshine.  

The chickadees have come back .Birds returning from the south. Blossoms sprouting. Crocuses and daffodils then tulips. The tulip festival persisting in spite of Covid. Anna’s baby boy being born. Tanya’s bump growing with prospect of another summer baby. My puppy Madigan now 7 and 1/2 months old, still chewing everything in sight and hardly a synapse firing.Then he’s amazing. A wonderful dog with wisdom and depth and heart. He cuddles his little body beside mine when I fear in the night.  He is there, a presence, a friend. I’m reminded that God is with me too. When I feel most alone I need only pray.

I pray when I’m in pain. My back hurts most these days. I’ve days of relief then the weather changes and I’m reminded I’m old. They called it rheumatism when I was a child. The rocking chairs helped.  I need a new desk or chair to improve alignment.  I was in Staples checking them out.  I’ve the desk to get rid of. I”d not realized Covid would persist and brought the office desk from storage. Now I need something lighter and smaller that would be lower and fit with the height of the chair. I used to sit in the hot tub with jets and find relief but with covid they’ve turned off the jets. I used to have an invention table  and hang upside down. I now do yoga and sit ups but my increasing girth with covid has put strain on my lower back. If I just lost weight I’d be fine but chocolate bars and food are solace in the enforced isolation. Excuses.  

Now I’m afraid to walk so much in the trails except at times I deem safest. I used to go out at nights. Now I walk in the parks. There’s gangs living in the woods. I find their garbage strewn for miles.  The homeless hoards living rough.  Not like hobos of old who had civilization. These are animals. Drug addicts, thieves. The evidence of their parasitic existence by all the stolen food wrappers and containers. Bicycles and bicycle parts.  Tents and refuge. Propane tanks and fire hazards.  There are shelters and homes available but they don’t want to go there because violence and drugs and bullying of others are frowned on. Here in the woods they can proliferate in spring and summer.Then they prey on the local communities.  The winters are the time to use the public funded services. Now they destroy the parks and woods and leave trash for miles. Laura says her neighbourhood, the highest costing apartment and condos in the country, smells of human feces.  There ar knife murders that go uncommented on as they lack the political Geist of illegal gang gun violence that can increase the punishment of the law abiding citizens. These Liberals soil the sidewalks.

We looked for the little rabbits on the lawns this weekend. They were thre last month. They’d gone with the little bunnies. Hopefully in hiding. Neighbours said the coyotes had returned. It’s a cycle.  I’m a predator but more and more I feel like a prey.  Our government is the Borg and we here locally are on the Enterprise. The Mars expedition gives hope.

I was thankful to get my Harley back from Trêv Deeley winter spa.  It was a great ride south through across the Golden Ears Bridge and around Pitt Meadow back to Coquitlam. Next step is to get Madigan in the new box. I’m just afraid of anything new around him since he has chewed his leashes and my shoe insoles. He continues to grow. Laura reminds he’s just a baby. I know. 

I’m home working. It was hard to get out of bed this morning. The pain. The fears. The old wounds and resentments.  I had dreamed of friendly places. Last night I was in a nudist colony.  We were all showering. I was happy in the freedom.  We were young. It was the same peninsula where I’m often seeing relatives now passed , and dogs and my sailboat.  Bits and places of a pleasant dream with ladies having tea, my mother happy with friends, my father talking cars with the men. My brother looking through a window at his children. I’m there wandering about. And last night we were all showering.  Men and women together.  Laughing. A snippet from hippy days and country living. I was young once.

I’m here today. So thankful for the birds.  Rob has been telling me what is passing through. The migrations.. It was the chestnut backed chickadee yesterday, the black capped chickadees had arrived last month. Then the Spotted Towhee appeared. I’m blessed when I see new birds.  Even better when I get a picture.

Thank you God for Vivian overcoming covid and getting off the ICU respirator. Thank you that Victor was able to go home after his massive orthopaedic surgery after his fall and fractures. Thank you for the healthy birth of Kevin and Anna’s baby. Thank you for the spring. Help me in my work and guide me in my day. Thank you for Laura and Madigan. Thank you for my family and friends. Thank you for all your blessings. Thank you for spring.  Watch over the staff at the clinics today. 

Adulting

I woke up feeling vaguely low. It’s been raining all week. The sun uplifts me. Work is by it’s nature depressing and anxiety provoking. The despair is palpable countered by the giddiness of the naive.  

I went into my office to find stuffing all over the floor.  Madigan, the cockapoo had torn up his bed, the great stuffed animal, again. I’d repaired it once after he destroyed his previous bed.  My stitches were all ripped out and stuffing was everywhere. “No,” I said. Knowing he has no idea what my problem is.  Then I said, “while you’re not going to get anymore new good things if you are not going to take care of them”.  That was it. My mother’s voice came out of my mouth.  I have no idea what I’d destroyed but I now remember saying that perhaps not even once.  But I didn’t get good things and I did get new things. And today I have a little dog who had a thoroughly great night last night in my office killing the biggest toy ever.  Too bad it didn’t squeak.

The Covid crisis and lockdown and the politics of the ‘Luke warm war”, not a ‘Cold War” but a “Luke warm War’.  The unconventional Wuhan Lab Godzilla Chimera Gain of Function Covid 19 virus. The plot continues to thicken and twist. The highest paid civil servant Fauci with spaghetti noodle in a pot conflicts of interest, doing Gain of Function experiments in 2014 then funding Wuhan. Dr. Tam working for Canada and the Communist Chinese WHO.  It’s all unbelievably twisted and a story for Bill Gates being a diabolical monster is countered with one saying he’s a nice guy.  It’s all about faith. The media is constantly disinforming and misinforming and in Canada we have the most corrupt leader in history and nothing whatsoever is done about it. No wonder murderers and pedophiles go free if Trudeau remains in parliament. I had hoped for O’Toole but he’s sounding more globalist by the day, his lawyer affiliation outweighing is Air Force connection and his concern for children.  Thankfully Horgan in BC is relatively okay except for Dix and Henry’s lockdowns and bans on church and camping.

Vivian is off the respirator.  My friends with Covid have recovered. They say India is bad but who knows.  China continues to lie always.  The planes of Trudeau continue to import more plague. The World Economic Forum want’s communism.  I’m uncertain of why I work.  I have that deep terror that sends me to the woods and has me becoming a hermit. I keep it at bay. I pray. I read the Bible. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of my own government. I’m afraid of my fellow man. I don’t want NASCAR clothing on politicians. I want to know which of my neighbours voted liberal. I feel like I’m in an episode of invasion of the body snatchers. Quebec aliens are all around me.  

Now they say we can’t talk in generalization. It’s sexist, racist, chauvinist. But it’s also open season on old white men.  And they laugh at me as I remember the lawyers laughed at the trial when the woman claimed she was raped and she was.  Now they claim they are raped and they aren’t but the lawyers are all so serious. The laugh instead at old white men.

My patient told me he didn’t want to get out of bed. Another said she would die if she didn’t need to feed her cat. I’m here with Madigan and I am annoyed at his constant demands and irritating behaviour. 8 months old and he continues to bite and chew things. This house coat’s belt is all ripped.  I remember when the cat tore my leather jacket. So much for vanity.  My friend is waiting to give birth to a new child. Her little ones are all over her place, a moving pack of mess and humanity. I long for sterile rooms and minimalism.  The bank account stays the same. The price of meat and gas have doubled. I feel like I’m in a vortex.  

I was delights days ago and all that made the difference was blue sky and sunshine. I’m a flower. I ‘m fickle.  I call upon God to lift me up.

Thank you for this home, the heat, the indoor plumbing, hot and cold water, the electricity and fridge. Thank you for the coffee and yoghurt and protein bar this morning. Thank you for friends and family. Thank you for work. I wish I could do more.  I feel like a little boy putting his finger in a crumbling damn. There is so much anxiety and depression and the much longed for vaccines are giving little relief. The Communist Chinese are massing their navy around Taiwan and in the South China Sea. The Russian Ukraine border is hot. Iranian war boats are playing chicken with American boat. I don’t even know who our allies are .  Trudeau and Quebec have aligned us with China whose flights keep coming in while now we’re rejecting India. Meanwhile Singh is playing Punjab politics in Canada unconcerned about what is good for all Canadians and sacrificing his own people. But who are these people’s people?  They’ve not progressed out of tribal politics and socialpathy to nation state while claiming to be globalists.  It’s every man for himself and the one with the most money wins. They offer free stuff and want it all back with bankruptcy prison or work end loans.  It’s increasingly corrupt and there’s an underground criminal world I’ve not participated in because I worked for the ship all the while the captain and his mate were calling in a helicopter to get off and the pirates are now among us.  

How can I reassure anyone when I’m not reassured.

I have Jesus. Most don’t. I have faith in God. Most don’t. I’ve seen we tend to muddle through. The Cold War eventually end.  The Sars, Ebola and Zicka all passed, we survived Pierre and SToner Maggie surprisingly.  We haven’t had to listen to Sophie sing or her fatuous comments since she was caught in the lie of the We Scandal and Trudeau is treated as if he’s diseased.  What were those ankle bracelets. Why did he live in his mother’s basement. Why does he look so wasted.  All the questions I’d love answered cant’ be because the press is bought and the journalists have sold their soul. Where is Doystoyevski when we need him.

And I, I’m no better. I don’t know. I feel down when the sun is down and hopeful when the sun is up.  I have to ask how relevant is my ‘feeling’ if it can be changed by a mere passing cloud. And such is politics.

The only permanence is God. God is love. Grace is real. There is hope. I will carry on., What did we say when we were hitchhiking in the 70’s singing Me and Bobby McGee, just keep on trucking. Eventually a car came in the dry heat of the northern prairies, water running low, anger flaring, feet tired and pack straps cutting as we walked with our thumbs out and wondered how far it was to the next town, the journey across the continent thousands of miles, and we had no money. 

My brother said he got a motorcycle because he felt that was the adult thing to do, to take care of himself if he wanted to go somewhere and that he didn’t respect me hitchhiking. He didn’t think it was right to be a ‘beggar’ and wouldn’t have liked ‘go fund me’ except for an emergency or something very serious. He saw me hitchhiking from love in to love in and thought us hippies were slackards and that we should grow up and take care of ourselves and take care of others. He was like my parents and grandparents and it took a few years and I became like him. I’m an adult today and I’m getting my motorcycle out of storage tomorrow.  

I’ve been saying the fisherman story again and all around me there are the people who partied during the sunny days and put away nothing for the future. I always saved like my parents did but then my government now is saying they’re going to take all our savings. They’re nationalizing the assets of the middle class. There will only be a few elite and the masses of peasants with the richest being the criminals.  Tribalism and sociopathy will prevail. I’m admittedly worried about the future because I’m not living sufficiently in the present. All is well now. God is here. I’m just in a funk and need to get on with my life. Shower , dress, make another cup of coffee. Work. Reassure.  Investigate,  Satisfy. Answer questions. Be an adult.  No matter how much it feels right to take the fetal position in bed that whole taking the knee business is child’s play.  I’ve got down on my knees and prayed. Now I need to trust Jesus. This too will pass. God is good all of the time. 

Thank you Jesus. 

Neighbor smoking in bed burnt his home down. Fire department arrived and contained it.

Young couple on meth it was rumoured.  You can’t give good things to animals and expect them to take care of them.  I’m caring for those things I earned and worked to have and know the value of to me. I’m so glad I don’t drink and drug or smoke. The frontal lobe and civilization are lost and here the government is promoting addiction for tax dollars unleashing Pandora’s box.

Sunday, Thank you

Madigan’s river walk was lovely today. The rain earlier May havedeterred the visitors. The locals continue but the migrants who come by car and park along the road swelling the population didn’t seen to be here. I recognised most people. Often I only know their dogs.  We smile.

Today I wore cullote shorts and the blue humingbird slogger garden shoes that have turned out to be my favourite wet weather hiking shoe. I had my quilted red plaid lumber  jack shirt and a black togue. It soit at times and threatened to rain and spit at times. I don’t like rain on a bare head but don’t take umbrellas hiking.The umbrella I save for citiy walks. 

Madigan had his first hair cut and spa visit at Dogtopia yesterday. He went from long haired hippy dog to military ready.  I worried about the chill in the air but he was always moving so it wasn’t an issue.  His heavy winter coat protects him from the elements. He still has his undercoat. I reflected that I didn’t worry about my bare legs. If it had rained I would have turned around and returned earlier.

The colorful male wood duck was at the beginning of the path swimming along the stream. The green mallard wasn’t far away. Their more somber feathered wives were  keeping near.  I always watch for the kingfisher pair I’ve seen this year already.  I’ve seen a hummingbird. I saw a lot of chickadees.  Rob said the warblers were back and I believe I’ve seen one but cannot be sure.  

I did get a lovely picture of a Song Sparrow. The sparrow was kind enough to sit for long enough for me to get out my camera and take a couple of pictures.  I have trouble identifying sparrows.  Thanks to friends I’m learning more each year.  The colour of the beak differentiates some. The savannah and fox and song all look similiar but obviously they’re not.  Whereas politics homogenizes I love biology because it cares for detail and reality. 

I suppose I’ve liked psychiatry because there is a differentiation between imagination, reality, psychosis and genius. It’s something I used to have to be clear about when I worked with admission unit to the provincial asylum.  The 19th century intellectuals had so little restraint on their musings. Here today we continue to deal with ‘ the maggots crawling off the dead bodies’ of Marx, Freud and Darwin ‘as a friend of mine described the gross error of politics and law today.  However, it’s ironic  because at the very moment the ‘facts’ conflict with the systemic errors, the lying partisan ‘fact checkers’ arise along with the whole false notion of ‘relative truth’.  There is in nature some latitude of perception with the very photo/electron issue decided by perception. But not the good is evil and down is up we hear today.

I’m reading Conrad Blacks’ history of Canada and was glad to see his leaving politics and embracing science and anthropology in his discription of the Stone Age Tribal culture of Canada. Too often today the rewriting of the past results  an  idealization of the aboriginal, a variation of the former ’noble savage’. 

I’m also reading Celts, Blood,  Iron and the Forgotten History of the Celts, Patrick Auerbach.  It’s a truly delightful read and I’m fascinated by the power of the Iron Age.  The natives of Canada were stone age and hadn’t even gone through the Bronze age when Europeans introduced them to the Iron age. Their life expectancy was thirty years.  The Stone Age was a tough time. By contrast in our post industrial age the life expectancy is 75 years on average. 

I some times feel like I’m living three lifetimes.  I’ve been married 23 years of my adult life to different women and had girlfriends for decades more. My girlfriend today has been with me most of 20 years, longer than the marriages, partly because we live separately.  Partly because we’re older. 

 It appears that monogamy we understand today may have developed first in the IndoEuropean area of North India and Persia. The most celebrated leaders by contrast of the Negro and Asian dynasties were patriarchal, one man and a multitude of wives.  By contrast when I worked in the polynesian islands one island group was actually matriarchal with the mother having several husbands. Canada is transforming to matriarchal with a surge of “single mother’s’ multipe male lovers and government support.’ 

I really enjoyed the week of heat and sunshine and look forward to it’s return. Today I’ve an online meeting and next week I get my Harley out of the Trev Deely winter home. I’ve ridden the Vespa all year but it’s not so much fun when I hear the roar of Harleys and really want to get out on the highway. The Vespar 300 Touring bike is a sweet machine, far better for the city than my Harley Electroglide. Madigan has ridden on the back of the Vespa and the Honda 420 ATV. I want to get him on the Harley and go for a cruise. Gilbert loved our trip to Merritt for the Sturges North rally where Burton Cummings stole the show. 

The Covid crisis continues with a friend in ICU we are all praying for. Another friend has had major orthopaedic surgery and we’re praying his recovery continues uneventful.  Anna is having full on braxton hicks and due yesterday or today.  We are praying for her as well. I believe in prayers. I felt my mother and aunts prayers when I was at all time lows and highest risk.

The universe is mind, God’s mind. In the beginning was the word.  The celestial sound, STring theory.  I’ve bought a book to study music theory again.  The programming of the mind is likely affected by the diffrerent preferences of musical arrangement, eastern scales and western scales.  I was thankful a patient reminded me last week of Yehudi Menuhin and Ravi Shankar. I had that LP in the 70’s and played it again and again. I’ve had my guitar out. As it’s hanging on thewall I’ve been more willing to take it down. When It was in it’s case in the back it was too much hassle to get it out.  I’ve an electric keyboard again. I think it’s my third or fourth. I gave the others away.  No room in my mobile life style. Living on the boat really restricted non essentials. I had the hitchhikers guitar then. I’d played piano taking lessons for a year when I was young.  I took guitar lessons young too but kept playing guitar, the master of three or even 5 chord songs. I love the blues.  Also folk and country rock.  Yet I don’t understand the theory of music.  There’s mathematics to music and I’ve trained in music therapy and used it with patients I’ve this sense there’s a key just outside my rational mind that I’m grasping for. It’s to do with the dancer in me too. 

I was upset with more Covid restrictions.  I beilieve Trudeau had fair warning to support the provinces need for more oxygen, more beds, more vaccinations, more doctors and nurses. The needs were well known a year ago.  I don’t question anything everyone did in the first six months. But we’re in the second sixth month of the war and our Commander in Chief the PM hasn’t had his head in the game. We’re doing worse than the third world on vaccinsations and our lockdowns are strictly a product of his waste of money and waste of time.  If he’d worked with the provincial health ministers and met their needs rather than focussing on Quebec and political correctness and all his political issues to get reeleted, the economy would have be pen back full on by January. There would be no need lockdowns. He’s persohnally solely accountable for 6 months of lockdowns due to utter incompetence and greed. Unfortunately he’s changed Canada, once a democracy, to a communist dictatorship with propaganda and the Chinese communists in the schools, and media and law.  It’s frightening.

I’m hearing of friends I most admire moving. It’s such a shame.  I love the country but loathe our politicians.

 I mostly wanted to go camping and now we’re restricted to our health district and I’m still not sure if I’m allowed to use my camper. I miss my sailboat and being able to head out to the island anchorages. 

 Im really rather blessed here. Laura believes we’ll be able to camp and we’ve got four days off from work. Camping seems the best way for me to regroup. I’m sometimes frazzled by the constant angst and despair.  This is so hard on the mentally ill. I”m seeing suicidal adolescents and turning away children that can’t find care.  I’m so saddened for the old who have suffered stoically alone, The future for the children is so affected by the corrupt spendaholics in Ottawa. Their  allegiance is to Communist China rather than Canadians.  So much foreign money and so many illegal immigrants jumping the queue.  

China continues to build it’s navy war in the South China Seas, threatening Japan and Taiwan.  It’s unilaterally rejected international law and continues to swagger like Hitler did a century ago.  Hitler rejected international law. China invaded Hong Kong and now has built up a huge naval force just like Japan once did.  The way they continue to behave as barbarian aggressors the more the whole Wuhan Lab Viral Leak looks like it was intentionall allowed to spread as communist state policy.  This is tyrrany and beligerence just like Hitler in Austria. 

Lenin wasn’t much better internally at the time, killing millions of Russians who didn’t agree with his collective communist policy , his low brow paranoid ideology, with him as the dictator.  Putin is on the border of the Ukraine. Trudeau seems more interested in which bathrooms are being used in the Canadian Military than actually alligning with the other G7 nations who once were our allies.  Trudeau had rejected the commonwealth nations and made his pact with Communist China inviting them to do military training all through 2019 on Canadian soil!

It’s  all above my pay grade. But I keep water on hand and am ready for civilization to fail for weeks. The democrats in the US allowed the take over of their city by armed beliigerents like in Chas at Portland.  That seemed like a precurser. Given the lack of response it certainly encourages mob violence, revolution. BLM and Antifida are imitation Nazi brown shirts. In Canada the liberals have done nothing against the excesses of  their favoured politically correct groups.  It’s a bit scary.  I can’t help but reflect on Freuds’ words “maybe the paranoids were right’.

Christians are the most persecuted all over but that’s not even known.  Fringe politics rules exactly the way the Nazis succeeded in the 30’s using sex offenders as the back bone of the brown shirts.  Christian churches and ministers are attacked and arrested while criminals, rapists and thugs are let out of jail. 

I could worry but God is in charge. God is good all of the time. The drama can go any way.  I do hope that right does better than might.  Communist Chinese are barbarians like Trudeau.  I would rather listen to Bach than bombs.

I pray. ‘All shall be well. All shall be well. All manner of things shall be well.’ I’m on the sidelines. I’m old enough. They say I’m middle aged but I have my share of aches.  I can’t imagine carrying an 80 lb pack and rifle. I’m mobile  armoured at best now. I’m riding a vehicle if there’s any distance to go. I’d rather head for the rear than the front too but I’ve always been defensive. I’ve served in my time. I’ve stood up to countless bullies over the years and hope that the young pick up the slack. I like freedom. I am so weary of the bullying bureaucrats who never studied Nuremberg.  Something’s rotten in the State of Denmark. I”m thankful for my studies of honors Shakespeare.  History sure repeats itself.  

Meanwhile it’s spring with the flowers simply beautiful I love the cherry blossoms. I love the fragrance. Even today with rain and clouds it’s relatively warm. I’m seeing friends in eastern and northern canada struggling through snow, still dressed in parkas. I dream of Arizona. I’ve just read another Petit western and enjoyed it.  

Thank you Jesus for all your blessings. Thank you Lord for the Holy Bible.  Let’s us again gather in church in person.  I’m tired of zoom. I’m thankful for all Emilie’s zoom work but I like church. I’m back in the clinic but don’t like not seeing faces in my work that is so much about face. The doxy.me virtual office is better in some ways.  i’m on the phone so much and am increasingly finding it difficult to pick up the phone. I am affected by the tones more than the words. 

My amazing sister in law has helped me follow up on my Irish grandfather. Mom kept records and now Adell is looking out for her boys. Laura’s sister is interested in genealogy too. 

I enjoy my dreams. I look forward to sleep. I was in meetings again last night. My brother was with me and Gilbert and Madigan were there. The boat was there and houses over the harbour.  I’m always thankful for dream visitations.  I’m comforted.  I miss my family. When I see Kevin and Anna with the Meerkats out in the bush I’m reminded of my childhood, so much time camping and hiking about the woods with dad and fireside meals with mom.  I’m tired of the city.  I am really ready for some more time in the woods.  Nature heals my soul when I’m too much with people. 

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for the wonderful weather, for bringing us safe through winter, for allowing me to be of service, for protecting me. Thank you for all your blessings.  Thank you. 

 

 

More Lockdowns

I am disheartened by more lockdowns. The government has stolen the tax payers money and given it to cronies and foreign governments. Canadians are suffering with scarcity and lockdowns. Health care spending which was completely left off by the federal government, never matching the needs of the sick illegal immigrant families and the aging population. Mental health resources are stolen for castle construction for the Prime Minister who sees himself as an emperor. Little potato. Lavish travel. Two nannies. Two residences. Trust fund scandals. Body guards galore. Buying the press. No freedom of information or freedom of assembly. Redact anything suspicious. All the money that was to go to adolescent psychiatry up the noses of Ottawa and Montreal. 

We need children and adolescent  mental health services. We need more services for vets and seniors.,We need inpatient care to observe patients. But there are no beds. There’s not enough MRI’s or Neuropsychological testing. Ther’s a horrid shortage of clinicians. We have administrators or administrators of administrators but no one on the frontline. 

There’s simply no money going to the provinces to replace the rape of billions that the federal government has stolen from the health care planning. My friends are sick. Covid wouldn’t need lockdowns if we had the resources to meet emergencies. The lockdowns the provinces inflict are because the federal government hasn’t paid it’s share of the health care spending. It’s taken the gargantuan taxes and given the money to scams, cronies, terrorists, criminals, slackards and terrorists. It’s  not gone to families, children or the mental ill or seniors.  So many without houses. Overdoses galore. Homelessness all because of the mismanagement and theft of these politician wannabe celebrities. . Journalists and snowboarder rule the economy. We are fast becoming Venezuela. Urine test the lot of them. They are acting like a bunch of coke addicts at a porn club.

I’m tired of the inability to plan. I looked forward to camping. I worked hard with the idea that I’d be escaping to the woods. Away from the depression and despair that go hand in hand with mediocrity and communism.  War and rumours of war. Constant unconventional war. Lies and more lies. One side and another side and the third side. All facets of opinion paid by corporate psychopaths. Robert Hare’s movie “corporations” come to mind as unhealthy Coca Cola the diabetes causing drink is foisted on the blacks under the brand it’s anti white. White people stopped drinking coke and began drinking water.  It’s Coca Cola, the sugar drink. White people are more and more into Perrier. So sucker the blacks.  It’s not racism if you kill them. Nestles was big on killing black and brown people with  killing baby formula.  The godless United Nations worships Satan and death.

I’m irritated by the lack of money. The cost of gas. The declining resources.  The sick friends. The unrelenting lies and politics and Communist China warring with the world massing navy vessels in the China Sea.  Such barbarians.  Such illiterate leadership. Cro magnon genes Xi Jinping. A thug. The Chinese War lord genes like the Japanese samurai or the wests cowboy killer clowns. It’s insane.  The bars in the asylum are to keep the world out.

I need a vacation. Millions do and the government is saying stay home. We’d like a break.  It’s bizarre.

I want to hug. To stand in a group and hug. I want to hold hands in a circle with strangers and pray. I want to sit in a pew and hear Rev. Emily share her sermon. I want to swim in a lake. I want to sit in a hot tub with the jets on. I want to kiss without fear.  Fuck without fear. Each of us may be carrying disease.  My love and I work in different bubbles. We overlap. It’s almost like Belfast. It’s a life of anxiety.  

Do not be afraid,  Jesus said. They didn’t have bacteria or viruses. Were we better off when we only had to contend with demons and not have to listen to the raving lunacy of Dr. Fauci and Dr. Tam. I like Dr. Bonnie Henry. Every once in a while she breaks from the script. The WHO is not to be trusted. Communist lie, The WHO lies. 

But How can anyone not like a woman who wears Fluevog shoes? . She’s cute and bright. But I hate her voice now second only to Trudeau’s voice whose tone is the most arrogant and insincere of any human I know. I preferred the used car salesman voice of Trump. They say Biden stutters. It still sounds like dementia.  I worry he has the nuclear codes. What leaders. Where’s McCarthy when we need him? I’d love to see the arrogant Xi Jinping bow to him. Where’s Churchill? Where’s Kennedy? Where’s Attaturk? 

Laura and I are enjoying the Crown.  Churchill did blow it big time with Gallipoli.  Should politicians get a second chance. Napoleon’s come back was worse than his first performance. The guillotine and the hangman’s rope are gone with 50 lashes. Instead we have slow death boring death by Netflix.  I don’t know if I can watch another revenge drama.

My mind is lower. It needs to lift up on eagle’s wings. Each day though I listen to hours of doom and gloom, negativity and anxiety.  I prescribe medications, reassure and say Covid a dozen times.  “You’re doing well”.  Three times higher suicide deaths in teens.  Put that in the lockdown stats.  Hundreds a day overdoses and young people dying and here I am an addiction specialist and psychiatrist with years of training and experience and the whole system is mismanaged.  The least knowledgeable and least experienced are ruling.  Snowboarders in power. It’s the whole system. The seniors are silenced so the ignorant impressionable youth can  play intellectual games. I’m aware their theoretical constructs don’t work. We tried it. But the voice of experience is unwanted. I fold laundry. Do the daily chores. Idiots in suits get power and give away money when they could be making  long term treatment centres for addicts and alcoholics, clearing the streets. Gangland crimes with the profits from drugs directly paid for by the Ottawa perversion.

I’ve got to get up and go to work. My printer isn’t interfacing with the iPad or iPhone and I’ve got facial recognition for my password and if I change the password i might collapse the system and I’ve no tech to repair. I’ve spent whole weekends and countless evenings doing my own computer work because of covid. I’ve been on the phone to tech agents that work 9-5 when I’m on the phone to patients. I ‘m trying to meet deadlines. The bank is failing. Sending my material to the wrong address then the wrong email then virtue signalling with a secure system that won’t allow me to download my material.  All these boundaries and a legal system lost in the 19th century that just creates more self serving work and more red tape. Red tape runs like blood through the system. 

I squish the pus out of my brain. I rant and rage. Morning pages as Cameron said.  I’m weary with covid and irritated with restrictions.  

Thank you God for my home. Thank you for my room mate madigan. Thank you for my belief and relationship with Jesus. Thank you for the heat, propane and electric. Thank you for the lights. Thank you for the hot and cold water, the shower and the coffee. Thank you for the razor and soap. Thank you for the green Ethiopian coffee beans, the roaster, the grinder and the expresso machine. Thank you for the honey and cream. Thank you for yoghurt and Rx protein bars. Thank you for indoor plumbing. Thank you for the walk that Madigan and I had. Thank you for the clean fresh air. Thank you for the river and trail. Thank you for the dawn. Thank you for the migrant birds and local birds and bird song. Thank you for the warm sun. Thank you for the blue sky. Thank you for meditation and prayer. Thank you for work. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service. Thank you for duty and discipline. 

Thank you for the dream I had last night of all the academics and bright leaders I know, prestigious folk in suits, doctors, professors, government folk all gathered to hear the governments news. I was self conscious but delighted to see even folk I’ve never met but only known on facebook, and old friends from school years, all gathered in this room, dressed in suits and dresses, sitting on wooden chairs in an academic room like something from Oxford Even  the College was there. And we were waiting for the news.  I like these dreams of gatherings. I love  the tea party dreams. I like the meeting in the sky meetings. I like the church meetings. I like being part of this green room experience. My dreams are so often mystical and uplifting now. It wasn’t always so.

Thank you for sleep and dreams. Thank you for my new mattress.  

Thank you for Madigan sleeping half the night beside me. He gets warm and sleeps on the floor and does his rounds at night, checking to see his toys are safe. Thank you Lord for all the friends and family and mentors I’ve had in my life. Thank you for my teachers. Thank you for your guidance. Help me through this day. Help me to channel your love and peace. Help me to answer all the questions I’m asked in a helpful useful way.  Help me today. Protect me. Watch over me. In the name of the father, son and Holy Ghost. Thank you.

My new Damascus steel knife, I was interested in the metallurgy

He sits at the door and savours the smells and listens and watches entertained

Barnett Hwy Vespa ride on the weekend. 

I’m like a flower

As soon as the sun comes out I blossom.  I’m like a flower.  

Madigan is hot with his fur coat searching out cool shade. Laura was siting in the sun until it moved. Now she’s escaped to the interior shade.

I just had some wind therapy on the Vespa 300 touring. I rode to New West to buy some Ethiopian Yirgacheffe and Sidona green beans I’m now ready again for a new splurge of lock downs and shortages. I filled my freezer and cupboards last week. I say it’s the survivalist in me with Communist China and Russia threatening and sable rattling in Taiwan and Ukraine.  But really it was Laura coming over for the weekend. I like to cook for her so have lots of choices. Last night barbecued steak. Tonight I’m doing pork chops and rice.  

With Covid we eat.

I had such a big outing yesterday getting my new mattress from Abbotsford. It was supposed to be 3/4 the size of my existing Kingsize. It’s a couple of inches shorter and a couple of inches on the side and a couple of inches depth but I really ought to have got a queen. But I’d bought the top of the line Sealy Posturpedic from the Bay last year and it pretty well took up the whole room. Laura couldn’t make the bed because it was so heavy and tight.   I didn’t like trying to stretch the corners of the fitted sheets with no where to move. It was also heavy.  I now have a new mattress and it’s smaller and lighter but not so dramatically as to probably warrant the effort involved.  Thanks to Murray I was able to trade them about and he gets to try it out. We both have back aches that respond to the right mattress. He’d bought a new one last year too and it never worked so he’s traded his mattress now too.  Lots of social interaction. I’m astonished at the meetings. I realize when I’m with people how much of a hermit I’ve been.

I do my work.  Laura visits on weekends. I talk with neighbours walking their dogs.  I talk with Madigan. I’m on Facebook. I do virtual meetings with doctors. But the isolation is really apparent when I meet with others.

Vivian has Covid and is on the Covid ward at VGH. I talked with Andrea who was so anxious about Vivian.  Vivian shared on FB and the prayers tumbled in .I“m hopeful. But talking with Andrea I was a regular Chatty Cathy. She told me of her sons and her husband their restaurant and B&B and how she‘s not teaching with covid so has time to read.  I find I babble with friends.  Uncertainty. I don’t know what is going on in the world. Everyone I knows is so discouraged by Trudeau and anxious about communism.  Yet we carry on.  There’s an epidemic in psychiatry and addiction medicine.  I’m astonished at the lack of  attention this real epidemic is getting. Not just the overdoses or the suicides or the anxiety and the depression but the long terms effects.  Due to the lack of resources people are asking me to see adolescents and geriatrics. Adolescent suicides are up 3x. 

Andrea and I talked about the home delivery booze and weed.

I’m available for the crisis.  I respond at least getting the ball rolling.  I like to assist. I’m critical of management and hate that whining antiauthoritianism . Its not directed locally. The present government is no longer focussed on political correctness and appearances but making really solid decisions re vaccines and priorization. I loved they got the vaccines to the northern isolated native reserves. Such good judgement.  It’s just the lock downs that don’t make much sense and prediction based on them for a virus moving through the community.  I think the devastation of community and mental health problems outweigh any discrete advantage of the lockdown approach.

Personally it’s not bad. I’m sitting here in the sun. I’ve enjoyed taking pictures of blossoms. I’m working and paying my bills. I’m able to assist so many with medications and triage, providing letters and diagnosis to help people move through the burocratice maize.  That maíz even  is increasing being pruned down by a surprisingly responsive government. 

 I like Horgan and Dix. I hope I don’t regret it . Perhaps it’s just a contrast to the bumbling idiot in Ottawa.  Still they’re reassuring.

I loved watching an SRF talk on having faith in God, fearlessness. And here I am soaking up Vit D. It’s the nicest week we’ve had. 

Laura calls it August in April.  Im loving  ít. Hết Cousin is already sưimming in the ocean. I cànt wait to be camping again.  

I ‘m also really blessed because I had my place deep cleaned by Oscar and Carolina. Oscar’s  coming to do another day next Friday. It’s just so clean and fresh. I”m embarrassed to say how long it had been since a thorough job was done. I’ve been doing spot checks. In fact I’ve been a human living in a dog house. Now it’s human again and Laura is really pleased. I’m happier when Laura’s happy. I’m happy too when Madigan is happy but there’s a balance.  Oscar has really done a great job. They pulled everything out and got at the back corners and back walls. Amazing.  I am blessed. Thank you Jesus.