More Lockdowns

I am disheartened by more lockdowns. The government has stolen the tax payers money and given it to cronies and foreign governments. Canadians are suffering with scarcity and lockdowns. Health care spending which was completely left off by the federal government, never matching the needs of the sick illegal immigrant families and the aging population. Mental health resources are stolen for castle construction for the Prime Minister who sees himself as an emperor. Little potato. Lavish travel. Two nannies. Two residences. Trust fund scandals. Body guards galore. Buying the press. No freedom of information or freedom of assembly. Redact anything suspicious. All the money that was to go to adolescent psychiatry up the noses of Ottawa and Montreal. 

We need children and adolescent  mental health services. We need more services for vets and seniors.,We need inpatient care to observe patients. But there are no beds. There’s not enough MRI’s or Neuropsychological testing. Ther’s a horrid shortage of clinicians. We have administrators or administrators of administrators but no one on the frontline. 

There’s simply no money going to the provinces to replace the rape of billions that the federal government has stolen from the health care planning. My friends are sick. Covid wouldn’t need lockdowns if we had the resources to meet emergencies. The lockdowns the provinces inflict are because the federal government hasn’t paid it’s share of the health care spending. It’s taken the gargantuan taxes and given the money to scams, cronies, terrorists, criminals, slackards and terrorists. It’s  not gone to families, children or the mental ill or seniors.  So many without houses. Overdoses galore. Homelessness all because of the mismanagement and theft of these politician wannabe celebrities. . Journalists and snowboarder rule the economy. We are fast becoming Venezuela. Urine test the lot of them. They are acting like a bunch of coke addicts at a porn club.

I’m tired of the inability to plan. I looked forward to camping. I worked hard with the idea that I’d be escaping to the woods. Away from the depression and despair that go hand in hand with mediocrity and communism.  War and rumours of war. Constant unconventional war. Lies and more lies. One side and another side and the third side. All facets of opinion paid by corporate psychopaths. Robert Hare’s movie “corporations” come to mind as unhealthy Coca Cola the diabetes causing drink is foisted on the blacks under the brand it’s anti white. White people stopped drinking coke and began drinking water.  It’s Coca Cola, the sugar drink. White people are more and more into Perrier. So sucker the blacks.  It’s not racism if you kill them. Nestles was big on killing black and brown people with  killing baby formula.  The godless United Nations worships Satan and death.

I’m irritated by the lack of money. The cost of gas. The declining resources.  The sick friends. The unrelenting lies and politics and Communist China warring with the world massing navy vessels in the China Sea.  Such barbarians.  Such illiterate leadership. Cro magnon genes Xi Jinping. A thug. The Chinese War lord genes like the Japanese samurai or the wests cowboy killer clowns. It’s insane.  The bars in the asylum are to keep the world out.

I need a vacation. Millions do and the government is saying stay home. We’d like a break.  It’s bizarre.

I want to hug. To stand in a group and hug. I want to hold hands in a circle with strangers and pray. I want to sit in a pew and hear Rev. Emily share her sermon. I want to swim in a lake. I want to sit in a hot tub with the jets on. I want to kiss without fear.  Fuck without fear. Each of us may be carrying disease.  My love and I work in different bubbles. We overlap. It’s almost like Belfast. It’s a life of anxiety.  

Do not be afraid,  Jesus said. They didn’t have bacteria or viruses. Were we better off when we only had to contend with demons and not have to listen to the raving lunacy of Dr. Fauci and Dr. Tam. I like Dr. Bonnie Henry. Every once in a while she breaks from the script. The WHO is not to be trusted. Communist lie, The WHO lies. 

But How can anyone not like a woman who wears Fluevog shoes? . She’s cute and bright. But I hate her voice now second only to Trudeau’s voice whose tone is the most arrogant and insincere of any human I know. I preferred the used car salesman voice of Trump. They say Biden stutters. It still sounds like dementia.  I worry he has the nuclear codes. What leaders. Where’s McCarthy when we need him? I’d love to see the arrogant Xi Jinping bow to him. Where’s Churchill? Where’s Kennedy? Where’s Attaturk? 

Laura and I are enjoying the Crown.  Churchill did blow it big time with Gallipoli.  Should politicians get a second chance. Napoleon’s come back was worse than his first performance. The guillotine and the hangman’s rope are gone with 50 lashes. Instead we have slow death boring death by Netflix.  I don’t know if I can watch another revenge drama.

My mind is lower. It needs to lift up on eagle’s wings. Each day though I listen to hours of doom and gloom, negativity and anxiety.  I prescribe medications, reassure and say Covid a dozen times.  “You’re doing well”.  Three times higher suicide deaths in teens.  Put that in the lockdown stats.  Hundreds a day overdoses and young people dying and here I am an addiction specialist and psychiatrist with years of training and experience and the whole system is mismanaged.  The least knowledgeable and least experienced are ruling.  Snowboarders in power. It’s the whole system. The seniors are silenced so the ignorant impressionable youth can  play intellectual games. I’m aware their theoretical constructs don’t work. We tried it. But the voice of experience is unwanted. I fold laundry. Do the daily chores. Idiots in suits get power and give away money when they could be making  long term treatment centres for addicts and alcoholics, clearing the streets. Gangland crimes with the profits from drugs directly paid for by the Ottawa perversion.

I’ve got to get up and go to work. My printer isn’t interfacing with the iPad or iPhone and I’ve got facial recognition for my password and if I change the password i might collapse the system and I’ve no tech to repair. I’ve spent whole weekends and countless evenings doing my own computer work because of covid. I’ve been on the phone to tech agents that work 9-5 when I’m on the phone to patients. I ‘m trying to meet deadlines. The bank is failing. Sending my material to the wrong address then the wrong email then virtue signalling with a secure system that won’t allow me to download my material.  All these boundaries and a legal system lost in the 19th century that just creates more self serving work and more red tape. Red tape runs like blood through the system. 

I squish the pus out of my brain. I rant and rage. Morning pages as Cameron said.  I’m weary with covid and irritated with restrictions.  

Thank you God for my home. Thank you for my room mate madigan. Thank you for my belief and relationship with Jesus. Thank you for the heat, propane and electric. Thank you for the lights. Thank you for the hot and cold water, the shower and the coffee. Thank you for the razor and soap. Thank you for the green Ethiopian coffee beans, the roaster, the grinder and the expresso machine. Thank you for the honey and cream. Thank you for yoghurt and Rx protein bars. Thank you for indoor plumbing. Thank you for the walk that Madigan and I had. Thank you for the clean fresh air. Thank you for the river and trail. Thank you for the dawn. Thank you for the migrant birds and local birds and bird song. Thank you for the warm sun. Thank you for the blue sky. Thank you for meditation and prayer. Thank you for work. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service. Thank you for duty and discipline. 

Thank you for the dream I had last night of all the academics and bright leaders I know, prestigious folk in suits, doctors, professors, government folk all gathered to hear the governments news. I was self conscious but delighted to see even folk I’ve never met but only known on facebook, and old friends from school years, all gathered in this room, dressed in suits and dresses, sitting on wooden chairs in an academic room like something from Oxford Even  the College was there. And we were waiting for the news.  I like these dreams of gatherings. I love  the tea party dreams. I like the meeting in the sky meetings. I like the church meetings. I like being part of this green room experience. My dreams are so often mystical and uplifting now. It wasn’t always so.

Thank you for sleep and dreams. Thank you for my new mattress.  

Thank you for Madigan sleeping half the night beside me. He gets warm and sleeps on the floor and does his rounds at night, checking to see his toys are safe. Thank you Lord for all the friends and family and mentors I’ve had in my life. Thank you for my teachers. Thank you for your guidance. Help me through this day. Help me to channel your love and peace. Help me to answer all the questions I’m asked in a helpful useful way.  Help me today. Protect me. Watch over me. In the name of the father, son and Holy Ghost. Thank you.

My new Damascus steel knife, I was interested in the metallurgy

He sits at the door and savours the smells and listens and watches entertained

Barnett Hwy Vespa ride on the weekend.