I went into my office to find stuffing all over the floor. Madigan, the cockapoo had torn up his bed, the great stuffed animal, again. I’d repaired it once after he destroyed his previous bed. My stitches were all ripped out and stuffing was everywhere. “No,” I said. Knowing he has no idea what my problem is. Then I said, “while you’re not going to get anymore new good things if you are not going to take care of them”. That was it. My mother’s voice came out of my mouth. I have no idea what I’d destroyed but I now remember saying that perhaps not even once. But I didn’t get good things and I did get new things. And today I have a little dog who had a thoroughly great night last night in my office killing the biggest toy ever. Too bad it didn’t squeak.
The Covid crisis and lockdown and the politics of the ‘Luke warm war”, not a ‘Cold War” but a “Luke warm War’. The unconventional Wuhan Lab Godzilla Chimera Gain of Function Covid 19 virus. The plot continues to thicken and twist. The highest paid civil servant Fauci with spaghetti noodle in a pot conflicts of interest, doing Gain of Function experiments in 2014 then funding Wuhan. Dr. Tam working for Canada and the Communist Chinese WHO. It’s all unbelievably twisted and a story for Bill Gates being a diabolical monster is countered with one saying he’s a nice guy. It’s all about faith. The media is constantly disinforming and misinforming and in Canada we have the most corrupt leader in history and nothing whatsoever is done about it. No wonder murderers and pedophiles go free if Trudeau remains in parliament. I had hoped for O’Toole but he’s sounding more globalist by the day, his lawyer affiliation outweighing is Air Force connection and his concern for children. Thankfully Horgan in BC is relatively okay except for Dix and Henry’s lockdowns and bans on church and camping.
Vivian is off the respirator. My friends with Covid have recovered. They say India is bad but who knows. China continues to lie always. The planes of Trudeau continue to import more plague. The World Economic Forum want’s communism. I’m uncertain of why I work. I have that deep terror that sends me to the woods and has me becoming a hermit. I keep it at bay. I pray. I read the Bible. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of my own government. I’m afraid of my fellow man. I don’t want NASCAR clothing on politicians. I want to know which of my neighbours voted liberal. I feel like I’m in an episode of invasion of the body snatchers. Quebec aliens are all around me.
Now they say we can’t talk in generalization. It’s sexist, racist, chauvinist. But it’s also open season on old white men. And they laugh at me as I remember the lawyers laughed at the trial when the woman claimed she was raped and she was. Now they claim they are raped and they aren’t but the lawyers are all so serious. The laugh instead at old white men.
My patient told me he didn’t want to get out of bed. Another said she would die if she didn’t need to feed her cat. I’m here with Madigan and I am annoyed at his constant demands and irritating behaviour. 8 months old and he continues to bite and chew things. This house coat’s belt is all ripped. I remember when the cat tore my leather jacket. So much for vanity. My friend is waiting to give birth to a new child. Her little ones are all over her place, a moving pack of mess and humanity. I long for sterile rooms and minimalism. The bank account stays the same. The price of meat and gas have doubled. I feel like I’m in a vortex.
I was delights days ago and all that made the difference was blue sky and sunshine. I’m a flower. I ‘m fickle. I call upon God to lift me up.
Thank you for this home, the heat, the indoor plumbing, hot and cold water, the electricity and fridge. Thank you for the coffee and yoghurt and protein bar this morning. Thank you for friends and family. Thank you for work. I wish I could do more. I feel like a little boy putting his finger in a crumbling damn. There is so much anxiety and depression and the much longed for vaccines are giving little relief. The Communist Chinese are massing their navy around Taiwan and in the South China Sea. The Russian Ukraine border is hot. Iranian war boats are playing chicken with American boat. I don’t even know who our allies are . Trudeau and Quebec have aligned us with China whose flights keep coming in while now we’re rejecting India. Meanwhile Singh is playing Punjab politics in Canada unconcerned about what is good for all Canadians and sacrificing his own people. But who are these people’s people? They’ve not progressed out of tribal politics and socialpathy to nation state while claiming to be globalists. It’s every man for himself and the one with the most money wins. They offer free stuff and want it all back with bankruptcy prison or work end loans. It’s increasingly corrupt and there’s an underground criminal world I’ve not participated in because I worked for the ship all the while the captain and his mate were calling in a helicopter to get off and the pirates are now among us.
How can I reassure anyone when I’m not reassured.
I have Jesus. Most don’t. I have faith in God. Most don’t. I’ve seen we tend to muddle through. The Cold War eventually end. The Sars, Ebola and Zicka all passed, we survived Pierre and SToner Maggie surprisingly. We haven’t had to listen to Sophie sing or her fatuous comments since she was caught in the lie of the We Scandal and Trudeau is treated as if he’s diseased. What were those ankle bracelets. Why did he live in his mother’s basement. Why does he look so wasted. All the questions I’d love answered cant’ be because the press is bought and the journalists have sold their soul. Where is Doystoyevski when we need him.
And I, I’m no better. I don’t know. I feel down when the sun is down and hopeful when the sun is up. I have to ask how relevant is my ‘feeling’ if it can be changed by a mere passing cloud. And such is politics.
The only permanence is God. God is love. Grace is real. There is hope. I will carry on., What did we say when we were hitchhiking in the 70’s singing Me and Bobby McGee, just keep on trucking. Eventually a car came in the dry heat of the northern prairies, water running low, anger flaring, feet tired and pack straps cutting as we walked with our thumbs out and wondered how far it was to the next town, the journey across the continent thousands of miles, and we had no money.
My brother said he got a motorcycle because he felt that was the adult thing to do, to take care of himself if he wanted to go somewhere and that he didn’t respect me hitchhiking. He didn’t think it was right to be a ‘beggar’ and wouldn’t have liked ‘go fund me’ except for an emergency or something very serious. He saw me hitchhiking from love in to love in and thought us hippies were slackards and that we should grow up and take care of ourselves and take care of others. He was like my parents and grandparents and it took a few years and I became like him. I’m an adult today and I’m getting my motorcycle out of storage tomorrow.
I’ve been saying the fisherman story again and all around me there are the people who partied during the sunny days and put away nothing for the future. I always saved like my parents did but then my government now is saying they’re going to take all our savings. They’re nationalizing the assets of the middle class. There will only be a few elite and the masses of peasants with the richest being the criminals. Tribalism and sociopathy will prevail. I’m admittedly worried about the future because I’m not living sufficiently in the present. All is well now. God is here. I’m just in a funk and need to get on with my life. Shower , dress, make another cup of coffee. Work. Reassure. Investigate, Satisfy. Answer questions. Be an adult. No matter how much it feels right to take the fetal position in bed that whole taking the knee business is child’s play. I’ve got down on my knees and prayed. Now I need to trust Jesus. This too will pass. God is good all of the time.
Thank you Jesus.
Neighbor smoking in bed burnt his home down. Fire department arrived and contained it.
Young couple on meth it was rumoured. You can’t give good things to animals and expect them to take care of them. I’m caring for those things I earned and worked to have and know the value of to me. I’m so glad I don’t drink and drug or smoke. The frontal lobe and civilization are lost and here the government is promoting addiction for tax dollars unleashing Pandora’s box.
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