Journal - Aug. 14, 2012

I was dreaming of a big barge of an old chevy. There was a 50's girl there, decked out in wide brimmed hat, half veil, long white gloves and a form fitting three quarter length skirt. I was wearing a white suit and fedora, classic detective clothing from the 30's. I remember her saying he was 'hunting for something'. Then I awoke.

Rolling over, I encountered a little dog head attached to a little dog body that came alive licking my face when he realized I was awake. Then he was jumping from the bed to bring me a toy. I up stumbling across the floor jumping one leg at a time into sweats while slipping into sandals I fastened on the stairs. He was flying out the door and down the dock a head of me. He still had his chewy in his mouth. Happy dog.

What a glorious day in the city! Sunny blue sky. Early morning sounds. 7 am. I was taking the dog for a walk. He was happy. My body was 'slouching towards Bethlehem". I said the Lord's Prayer to myself. Seagulls flew overhead. Already the man with the shop was working on the rear end of his GT. He's up early. No one else was a bout. None of the usual traffic. Nice walk in an industrial neighbourhood. Dog doesn't care. I'd like trees and grass. He poops on the one stretch of grass we encounter.

There's not much happening here. Not much happening inside. I'm thankful for the sunshine. August. Summer almost gone. No July to speak of. No June. Now the glorious days of August. I fear the winter. Can't think ahead to the cold rain and misery of despair. The suicidal springs and the loss of all hope. It's an annual tsunnami of grief. I wonder if I'll be up to facing it again this year. Want to somehow offer more.

Find myself missing San Francisco. Lots more mornings like this. Memory anyway. Then the endless summers of Winnipeg come back, open skies and dry heat.

I'm content here. My mind jumps about like a fish on a line. I'll be fishing this weekend. I have the capability. One step ahead of the Hound of Heaven.

Thinking of Dad. A good visit. Wanting to return to see him again. A rock in a changing world. Sitting in the sun with him talking nonsense really. Words just music to the shared time in sunshine. Connections.

Gilbert lying at my feet, happy for the walk. I'd done that religiously before I went away and now am re establishing good habits. He's curled up in a little ball. My buddy. My friend. A companion happy just to be along. No criticism, no expectation, glad to share the time and food. He does like eating my food.

We've been enjoying the toaster oven recently. Lots of cheese sandwiches. Summer grazing food. Loved the elk Roast we had at Laura's. Loved Art's elk jerky in Orlando. Already looking forward to bow hunting in a few weeks. This weekend sailing to Salt Spring Island.

I've thought about the meaning of life. I've also thought about the disparity. The economic crisis looms large with the last couple of years one after another person talking non stop about the financial difficulties. I complain about the high taxes here and two kinds of welfare, those snakes that suck the life from the top looking only to siphon off resources from government plans to line their pockets uncaring of the projects only interested in sounding like they're doing something, mostly interested in spending money and the blue collar welfare folk, those who could work but won't. Both groups free loaders and parasites on the real thing, making a supposedly lean machine swollen with lethargy and sloth. I feel like I carry the weight of the world. Struggling and supporting working more than 3 or 4 men and women and tired of the years of long hours, sacrifice and service.

The welfare system takes money from taxes to pay the fat beaurocratic wages and all the CEO's while the church donations do the major work of service. I'm doing way too much for free and pro bono and am called a 'mark' for my 'generosity'. I curse generosity. The lending of money over the years in the range of tens of thousands and every time I'm burnt like now by psychopaths whose mothers didn't raise them not bite the nipple or bite the hand that feeds.

The mind seeks a place of self pity. Self aggrandisment and self pity are always waiting to pounce on thought and steer the ideas into their direction. Self centered and selfish. Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.

It's a glorious day. I'm drinking a cup of coffee. I've just had a great walk. I've a day of work that's bound to please the bank. I can hope a motorcycle sells today and some of the stress of finance is lifted. Maybe someone who owes me money will pay. Maybe the outstanding collectibles will come in. I'll work longer hours and more days and in the end I'll have the same Canada pension as those who didn't work. I served the government all my life but there's no pension and older I see the future and today go without to have more money should I live in a town where I can't afford to live wondering why I'm here save for relationships.

I look up and I'm confused. I keep my nose to the grindstone and life is good. Where am I supposed to be. Here I guess. What am I supposed to be doing, this I guess. It's a "living". as they say. But I look about and it seems that the scoundrels I knew who killed and maimed for profit, the liars and the cheats are now flying about the world visitting other countries and letting them see what Canada is like. I am Canadian. This is a grand country.

Self pity and self aggrandisement, twin vultures on thought. Jealousy, envy all lying beneath the surface. Run behind all the journalistic reports I read.

I'm praising God and seeking closer relationship. Should be meditating. Singing praise. It's a good day. I'm about to shower in hot water, put on clean clothing and drive a marvellous little sports car into a fine office to sit all day and serve in work. It's a priviledge and an honour. I'm blessed in so many ways. Thankful. God is great. God is almighty. I am a child of God and my role and purpose is to know God more. This is a sojourn. I'm a tourist here, an eternal being just passing through. This is a kindergarden. I'm in God's sandbox. Love is what counts. I am to be a lover not a fighter. Healing is good. Celebration of life is good. Life is good.

Thank you Jesus. This is the day the Lord has made and I am thankful for that. Hallelujah!


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Sears Closing Sale

The girl told me that Sears was closing in October. The downtown Vancouver Pacific Centre Store on the corner of Georgia and Howe is having the most amazing third off and half price sales. All kinds of merchandise are already gone while other areas of the store are flocked with folk.
I just happened in and found to my amazement that a sale was on. Nordstrom's will be replacing Sears.
I was raised on Sears and Hudson's Bay in Winnipeg. The Sears Catalogue was a household word. The latest in fashion was always to be found there whereas the more functional clothing could be found in Hudson's Bay. Sears was definitely Eastern where as Hudson's Bay was northern. I bought my parkas from Hudson's Bay and my dress suits from Sears.
These last few years I've enjoyed a Sears Card and most recently bought house warming gifts there. My own last shopping were the high Egyptian thread count sheets and pillow cases on sale. I'm enjoying those.
But I'll miss Sears. It's been a land mark and emblematic of growing up in Canada.



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Farscape

I have been thoroughly enjoying the television series, Farscape, from Netflix. It's an Australian science fiction television series that's a weird mix of Startrek, Dr. Who and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It was created by Rockne O'Bannon, directed by Tony Tilse, Rowan Woods, Geoff Bennett, Ian Watson, Andrew Prowse and others. The writers include O'Bannon, Kemper, Monjo, Manning and more. Ben Browder is the central character, a space shuttle scientist whose experiment propells his craft through a worm hole into a distant galaxy. There he is rescued by criminals of different species. Virginia Hey, a gorgeous model, plays a blue priestess. Claudia Black who was so outstanding as an actress in Stargate plays a renegade peace keeper in this series. Jonathan Hardy plays Dominar, more comic relief, as a de throned dwarf. Lani John Tupu who is also a very weird looking dude, plays the pilot of the organic ship. Anthony Simcoe plays an odd cross between Warf of StarTrek and a Viking raider. Other characters naturally participate in this amazing visual display of iconic characters and surreal backdrops akin to the Star Wars series. Farscape has the originality of all these best of Sci Fi features and has plots and sub plots that sustain each 50 minutes of sheer escapist entertainment. Well done!


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IPAD 3

Last week my MacAir was stolen from the methadone maintenance clinic in the Downtown Eastside. It carries a heavy karmic price stealing from a doctor. My dog was there but I guess he knew the person or wisely, being a little guy, chose not to object. What does he care about technology. It wasn't a bone or a ball that was being stolen.

I looked into replacing the MacAir but there's been no real developments since I bought it a couple of years back. It had essentially replaced the ipad 1 I'd bought the year before. I really liked the IPad but the keyboard add on was a heavy as it was. The MacAir was lighter than both together. I'm often hauling these devices about with me so am really conscious of the weight. This new Ipad 3 is lighter than those before and Zagg has made a Zagfolio for the Ipad. It's a really fine keyboard and a cover for the machine combined.

So I'll pass on old IPAD and this new Ipad will replace the functions that the MacAir was doing, mostly email and blogging as well as on line searching. I do a lot of work from home so this computer served that purpose but I didn't keep files on this computer, just research and emails.

The camera feature is great for skype. All round this IPAD 3 is ahead of the one before. I think there should be an airbrush feature on the skype and photo functions though. Now I'll try Netflix to see if the picture is that much sharper. It seems a brighter clearer screen with better resolution. Supposedly what the "iris" feature is all about as well. I'm not happy that my McAir was stolen. It's a terrible violation. Theft in Vancouver is as common as bedbugs though so it's the price we pay for the beautiful views. Right now Vancouver is sensational.

The Apple Store in downtown Pacific Center on Georgia was a delight. The kids had me up and running with everything transferred from one ipad to another. Telus downstairs had me running with a new plan with flexible data for streaming. It was a relatively pain free experience. I think this system may be better than the McAir. I'm connected to Cloud so will see how bringing in pictures works with that.





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Journal - August 11, 2012

It's a sunny Saturday in Vancouver. I'm thankful for the weather being so fine. Yet here I am having slept late with Gilbert having gone back to sleep and no plans. That's good in a way. My life is so often programmed by work, plans and committments I lose my sense of freedom and purpose. On the other hand I've this expanse of a day like a writer's sheet of paper. Such a responsibility! Such an obligation! How best to use this incredible resource of time to God's glory and for my fun. Silly but fun is what's most needed to offset the so often grim aspects of work.
Gratitude lists are a good way to start a perfect day. Thank you Lord for the sunshine. Thank you for life. Thank you for Gilbert. Thank you for the boat and car and work. Thank you for friends and people who I am acquainted with. Thank you for the air we breathe. Thank you for the colours. Thank you for the bright yellows and blues. Thank you for our leaders. Thank you for those who are creative. Thank you for the Mars Rover, Curiosity. Thank you for the Space Program. Thank you for hunting and fishing. Thank you for my father. Especially thank you for my family. Thank you for sobriety. Thank you for the peace of mind I have known in greater proportion. Thank you for the books I read and the authors. Thank you for your son Jesus, the prophets and the saints. Thank you for kindness and generosity, honesty and truth, justice and joy. Thank you for this day, Lord. May it be a good day!

Stonewall Inn, Greenwich Village

When poor weather caused a layover in Newark, I made the best of it by taking a train to Greenwhich Village.  There I came upon Stonewall Inn, the famed site of the start of the 1969 Stonewall Riots.  The Stonewall Riots are associated mostly with the Gay Activism of the 60's that paralleled the Civil Rights movements of the day. What I found interesting about Stonewall when I first read of this confrontation between the New York City Police and the patrons of Stonewall Inn was that in fact the altercation was between 'men in frocks' , "drag queens', "transvestites', "cross dressers' and police. This spectacle of the armed  "men in blue" losing the fight to the "boys in pink tootoos" must have been something to behold.

At the time as today all women are 'cross dressing' and 'tranvestic' in America whereas men in 'skirts' even 'kilt wearing' Scots are still subject to discrimination and abuse. Jesus with his long hair and robes would no doubt face discrimination by the New York Police Department then for 'appearances'. as he previously ran afowl of the police of his day for "substance" , insisting that the true God was 'loving' not "punishing".

The police discrimination and abuse of the 60's was not about 'sexual orientation' but rather about 'conformity', especially to dress code.  The vast majority of 'cross dressing' men are indeed heterosexual.  The book "Pink Swastika" records the Nazi acceptance in the SS of homosexual men and pedophiles but condemnation and persecution of the effeminate gay males.  The book "Transgender Warriors" records the history of cross dressing in social activism as portrayed best by the "Molly Maquires" of agrarian reform group who commonly disquised themselves as women.

At Stonewall Inn a Dolly Parton look alike was doing a splendid job of entertaining.  The audience was mixed and joined in on the chorus lines.  As bars go it was rather upscale and conservative, not at all like the mafia owned speakeasy of an earlier era.  I'd just been to Disney World in Orlando where I'd bought a Harley Davidson t shirt and now bought a Stonewall Inn tshirt in keeping with being a tourist.  I'd spoken in Orlando with another aging psychiatrist, one who I'd met first as 'he' before 'she' became 'she' with a sex change.  Our conversations invariably seem most about RV's and favourite trailer courts, as this is our latest shared interest.  I have no idea about her sex life any more than she has any idea about mine.  We are friends.  The fact is I don't know much about my friends sex lives and don't particularly care to.  I think it's a terribly perverse and sick society that had such an inordinate amount of interest in whatever went on between consenting adults in the 'bedrooms of the nations' , to borrow a phrase from former Canadian PM Troudeau. 

I am thankful today that there is no more tacky street wrestling between the 'men in blue' and the 'boys in pink tootoos' no matter how titillating this might have been for some on both sides.  That must have been a truly obscene spectacle.  Having that night in Times Square met, Brandon Stanton, the photographer for "Humans of New York" I realize today's 'spectacles' are a whole different kind than the days of frock wearing Benny Hill and Monty Python.  Cross dressing Scottish comedian Eddie Izzard is truly mainstream. One imagines that with the Mars probe "Curiosity" doing its thing, it's a good thing judges, once very fond of their pretty wigs,  can today admit a world in which male fashion might one day catch up to the Olympic  front running cross dressing females in a beyond "uni sex" celebration of the diversity of appearance.  Developmentally, adolescence is the time of greatest 'conformity'.  The 'global' world today has more matters of 'substance' to address.

Today I was very impressed by  the New York Police Department's presence in the streets of New York.    I, for one, am thankful for them making New York safe for tourists like me.  Times Square was amazing with the hoards of people and the sense of a perpetual party in the city 'that never sleeps'.   The New York Police Department Command Centre there was a welcome sight today. 

Cannibis Addicted Fetus

"It's so sad to hear their wee high pitches cries," when they're born addicted to marijuana, he told me.  They're shaking and go into withdrawal.  He was a pediatrician at a conference I was attending.  We knew smoking was harmful to the fetus. Nicotine is a teratogen but now it was evident that marijuana was causing fetal distress.
Child abuse by drug addiction is a concern with 12 to 24% of mothers using drugs and alcohol in pregnancy.  With marijuana though the 'withdrawal phase' post delivery is particularly unnerving. The babies shake just like opiate withdrawing infants, an obstetrician described.
I am on a plane right now and hope when I've time to investigate this more.  The difficulty I recently had with searching information regarding the increasing dangers to physical and mental health associated with marijuana use was that a very poor small number unsupported outdated research on marijuana was dominating the servers. Clearly there are reputable studies documenting the dangers and risks which are well known to us in the medical community who observe the problems and show more caution than the mercantile business and political interests.  The spam in favour of marijuana simply swamps the google servers so that I am forced to use medical and university sites to find research that is not of the most spurious kind.  Given the influx of pharmaceutical marijuania too there is less interest in the industry which has hopped on board big money marijuana.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/978492-overview