Confessions on a Sunday Morning

I loved hot dogs with mustard and relish at baseball games.  I loved candy floss at the circus. I loved the Monkeys when they first appeared on tv.  I watched the Dick Clark Bandstand and loved Herman Hermits. My friends and I went to the Beatles movies and watched the girls scream and complained we couldn't hear the movie because we were looking for meaning.  I wore bell bottoms. I wore flowers in my hair and had peace symbols painted on my face.  I marched in peace demonstrations. I was against nuclear war.  I learned to bicycle without training wheels but wanted them.  I didn't like liver and onions. I got tired of eating moose as a kid one year and tried trading moose meat sandwiches for peanut butter and jam.  I wore my brothers hand me down clothing when I was a kid and my clothing was given to my cousins.  I shopped in second hand stores. I stole a chocolate bar and later stole a playboy magazine. I skipped out of school to go to the coffee shop. I liked sex.  I didn't fake orgasms. I drank milk out of the container in the refridgerator.  I hitch hiked.  I rode on ice flows in break up polling in the river.  I said  Iwas going to church when I went to a friends.  I smoked cigarettes.  I hung out with left wing radicals and right wing radicals.  I didn't always do what was right. I was suspended from high school.  I lied when I was young.  I told the truth when I was older and a lie would have saved me so much more trouble.  I have got into more trouble being good than I did being bad. I haven't been particularly good at being bad and envied people who were really bad.  I have regretted a conscience.  I have had too many second helpings. I liked watching Jerry Springer.  I have watched soap operas. I've slept in on Sunday and missed church.  I've been a poor husband.  I 've failed some times in most things that I've done but I've kept doing them and usually got better.  I'm still muddling along.  I 'm on my way to church this morning.  I might nod off or think about other things during the service.  I'll probably look at my watch sometime too.  

Ural Sidecar Motorcycle Day

It was a perfect Vancouver day for motorcycling.  I started the day taking the Ural to Richard Cho, the chiropracter at Willow and Broadway.  Richard is resolving the last of the rolled ATV episode.  Lovely to visit with his wife Reese and leave them some elk meat from that great but painful  adventure.
On the way back I stopped in at Broadway Cameras to see if they had the next generation of Nikon zoom pocket cameras. They expect them out by March.The new professional Nikon SLE is due out in the $6000 range while the new semi pro camera  SLE will be $2 to 3000.  I'm glad the pocket zoom cameras sell for less.
Leaving there I checked the time and it was 10 am, perfect timing for a visit to the Alano club. Great meeting.  Great club.  I had a coffee  with Antonnio. He had tickets for the North Shore Round Up, at the Hyatt Regency, April 6,7 and 8 so I purchased these.  Then I saw Kim for the first time in at least a couple of years.  She's as bright as ever and looks more beautiful every year. Now she's working at Salvation Army.
I'd bought Laura a new queen sized futon at Magestic Futon, 4th and Burrard.  They couldn't believe I was going to take it home in the Ural sidecar but helped by giving me the binding twine I needed to secure the futon.  I jested that I'd be irresistable to Vancouver women, a biker with his own futon.  Very sexy.
Laura was happy to get the futon, saying she'd rather get a futon than a bottle of wine from a man.
I dressed Gilbert in his Canucks jersey and harness so we all could head out to Stanley Park. The skies threatened rain but none appeared.  Instead we circled Stanley Park and took Gilbert for a couple of walks as well as a photo op at Prospect Point.  It was great to see the first blossoms of spring, too.  I even dropped in at the Rowing Club.
Then we crossed back to South Vancouver to shop for pate, cheese and bagettes at a delightful like specialty shop across from my favourite knife and sword store on Cambie beside the Park Theatre.  I got Laura something from Honey too, to go with the cheese, pate and baguettes.
Then we just had to pick up the laundry to complete the Saturday chore list.  Nothing like a Ural Sidecar Motorcycle for doing all this.  We certainly got a lot of smiles, people pointing and some taking out cameras to get pictures of Gilbert and Laura.  I'm just the driver.

Majestic Futon, 4th and Burrard, Vancouver

Majestic Futon is where Laura got her bedroom suite. It's this upscale Kits place with lovely wood boudoirs and couches.  Gilbert sleeps over at Laura's often.  Angel, another regular house guest, appreciated the electric blanket that she and Tiffany, Laura's cat, consider theirs.  We were concerned that Gilbert though might not be as tough as Laura who loves her firm single futon mattress.  Committed to children and pets and rangy things she agreed to sacrifice a little by allowing a second futon mattress to be added to her bed.  This way Gilbert's back and hips would have more support. Angel and Tiffany thought it a good idea too.  So Laura and I went back to Majestic and bought a new futon they make up from scratch themselves.  A few days later the lovely friendly helpful people there phoned to say the futon was ready.
So having just visitted the chiropractor, Dr. Richard Cho and not having Gilbert in the Ural Motorcycle side car I picked up the futon and brought it back to Laura's.  She's making the bed up right now with the help of Angel and Tiffany while I'm keeping  Gilbert with his dirty paws and filthy ball out in her backyard. He prefers to help Laura by standing in the centre of the bed and supervising but Tiffany and Angel are vying for that job right now. Gilbert hasn't learned to wipe his paws either.  I may have to lie down on it myself and see if it's safe for Laura, Gilbert, Angel and Tiffany.  I've volunteered for the first trial, being daring, courageous and extremely concerned for others comfort.
I told Laura that I saw all the gorgeous Vancouver women looking at me as I drove back to her.  A biker with a futon in his Ural motorcycle side car is almost irresistable to Vancouver women. Laura says she'd rather a man give her a new  futon over a bottle of wine any day. .

Vancouver Boat Show, BC Place, 2012

This is definitely one of Vancouver's best shows. Vancouver is a port town and British Columbia has some of the greatest coastal waters as well as well stocked inland lakes and streams.  It's a fishing man's paradise and everything to do with fishing was represented. That said all the other aspects of pleasure boating were also there.
I am a coastal and offshore sailor with a Folkes 39.9 foot sailboat. I've had it for a couple of decades and am on the third generation of equipment. Steveston Marine, West Marine, and PocoMarine equipment have all proved to be suppliers of really tough and fine equipment that has stood the real test of harsh wear.  I've survived knockdowns and storms and crossed ocean worrying about workmanship only to have my Yanmar Motor,  North Sails and Pro Tech rigging serve me well.  Tonight I was able to get a replacement sailcloth for my Hydrovane self steering unit that served Tom and me so well coming back from sailing the Hawaian Islands.  I got Laura a new Mustang floater jacket. I live in my own Mustang floater vest and can swear by the Mustang Integrity Survival Suit as I lived in sailing down the coast to California in harsh winter weather.
Tonight I replaced my old and patched dinghy which frankly has got decidedly heavier over the years.  Only last year I replaced my outboard.  I started out with a Yamaha 9.9 horse power motor and found it got too heavy to lift onto the deck of my sailboat from the dinghy. Then I found the 8 hp too heavy and replaced it with a 6 hp that got heavy too. Right now I have a Yamaha 4 hp that I find just right for lifting in and out of the sailboat to the dinghy alongside. The only trouble was the dinghy, a hard bottomed son of a gun. My new  Achilles is a 68 lb skookum air bottomed dinghy at a $500 boat show saving.  Kits Marina has always taken care of my dinghys so I was glad to do business with them yet again.
Graeme and Laura held me back from buying an ATV toy trailer motor boat that could land on beaches like a miniature D day tank lander. It would allow me to drive my ATV right off the boat and  onto land chasing a big moose. .  It struck me as something every hunter needed. Fortunately someone bought it day 1.  Graeme and Laura were further not having anything to do with my idea that a monster beautiful speed boat that slept 8 and cost $100,000's of rock star dollars was just what I needed as a 'dinghy'.  In the end I was really happy with the Achilles.  I'm seeing my chiropractor in the morning and he'll no doubt agree that I made a wise choice.
I renewed my membership with CTOW , the on water tow insurance.  For $125 a year it's paid for with one tow.  They come by and jump dead  batteries too.  Not that I know anything about this.  I just heard it had happened to an unnamed sailor.
It was good to see the Mumfords and Copelands at the boaters books shelf too. I enjoyed talking with the Coast Guard and RCMP . These are the  great folk that help keep all us boaters safe.  I didn't attend any of the presentations but they're always good.
The Vancouver Boat Show is an annual event and I've been dozens of times and found great deals.  This year was no different. I even got the latest AIS radio. This is an amazing advance since 9-11.  To protect against terrorists and pirates all big boats must send out an electronic message giving their location and name. The VHF radio antennae receives this information and plots it with gps on a screen showing the distance to the boat.  Proximity alarms can be turned on too. Sailing solo alot as I do this is godsend technology. I'm forever concerned when I snooze or when I'm at sea actually sleeping for an hour at a time that I'll run into the big vessel.  I've had some harrowing close calls too. The proximity alarm on my radar required too much power. This radio with gps and AIS from Standard Horizon marine only cost $350 dollars.  My old mounted VHF which this will replace is a radio that is some 15 years old and worked questionably last year.  For the last few years I've mostly used my hand held ICOM radio which can't be beat.
So it was a good trip.  Laura and Graeme and I  had a good time walking about dreaming, and talking.  The only sad part is that they don't allow dogs so Gilbert, my cockapoo, couldn't come with us. He is definitely my first mate while my  cat, Angel, my longest sailing companions, is definitely the Admiral.

Breaking "Bad Relationship" Addiction

The hardest thing about getting healthy is giving up all the unhealthy things that one is attracted to.  In relationhships one has to accept that their "picker" is broken and they will choose abusive relationships because that is their tendency. It's no different from children picking with diabetes and hypertension being left to pick the food they find most tasty. Naturally they will pick sugar and salt both of which are unhealthy.
People who have had bad relationships are 'attracted' to bad relationships and find 'good' relatioships 'boring', 'bland', 'dull', 'unexiting', 'not sexy', ie 'unnattractive.'
Healthy relationships don't involve all the 'drama' of the soap opera set. People who are good in relationships don't sleep with your sister or boss because they're angry with you. They don't punch you in the mouth. They don't send pictures of you in sexually offensive positions to the internet. They don't phone your place of work and say that you are a pedophille when you aren't. They don't tell the customs agent you're a terrorist.  They don't bring over friends that make bombs in the basement. They don't ask you to store their stolen drugs or stolen cars. 
Healthy people are really rather dull and boring by comparison to all the other 'exciting' people who have a shallow superficial attaction.
People who make their money through hard work don't throw it away.  "Big Spenders" and "High Rollers" are commonly 'criminals' because their 'money' often coming from 'ill gotten' means was 'easy come, easy go'. 
Normal people like 'gifts' but question 'largesse'.
If the girl or guy has sex with you the first night they probably will have sex with Adolf Hitler or Ava Brawn the first night. It's not because you're so attractive, it's because they're cheap or loose or make bad choices like you do.
Good relationships are 'simmered' like a good stew. Don't burn the roast.  They don't have to be eatten right off the stove.  Let them cool a bit and the flavour will keep.
Yet if you've gone out with a woman who stole from you then you will often be attracted to a woman who steals.  Attractions are linked.  Pavlov showed that ringing bells and giving dogs steaks resulted in them salivating when they heard bells.  If I have sex with a person who steals I will be attracted sexually to thiefs. If I have sex with a woman who in rage attacks beats the crap out of me I will be attracted to women who are dominatrix material.  If a girl has sex with a man who intermittently beats her she will be attracted to men who have that 'look' that normal women shy away from. Abusive men and women have a certain 'immaturity'. They're not socialized or toilet trained and adults don't 'choose' them because adults want healthy relationships so avoid men and women who do drugs and alcohol and crime and all that exciting sexy stuff.
So make a list of 10 minimum requirements in a mate.
It's not rocket science.
1) She or he doesn't have a drug or alcohol problem.  You go out on enough dates to see if they do drugs or alcohol peculiarly before you have sex.  You ask questions and you listen to stories. 
2) You avoid people who are 'victims'.  It's a pretty big clue if the guy or girl was beat up psychologically or physically by all their previous partners. Figure you'll be the next 'abuser' because immature people see themselves always as victims, and children and never accept 'their part in it'. 
3) Ask about previous break ups and beware of cliches. "we didn't get along",  "we weren't right for each other'.  "he wasn't ready for committment'. These are the new politically correct ways of saying he or she was a jerk. The "paranoid position' , otherwise called 'immaturity' is 'I'm right, they're not".  Watch for people who tell stories in the "I'm right , they're not" or the variation "I 'm okay, we're weren't'". Find out what the longest relationship was. This indicates clearly the 'distance a person can do'. It's like their 'marathon' capacity.  I have the fondest memory of a woman I knew for 6 months.  She had a history of 6 month relationships, I'm more like 10 years myself, but she was superb for 6 months, a terrific sprinter. But like a sportscar she broke down on the NASCAR before the first pit stop. 
4) Dont' read women's or men's magazines about relationships. They are written usually for losers.  This is written for losers.  The best way to know about good relationships is to spend time with people who have good relationships and ask them about their long term deep committed relationships.  People who say they want long term deep committed relationships are commonly liars. They really want sprinters and sportscars but they say they're looking for a long haul truck. Right!  Women and men lie equally.  No gender or race or religion has a monopoly. Stop being sexist and racist.  Accept your own failures and successes and admit to your own limitations. People who are successful in relationships choose someone with common goals and then do what successful people do.  My friend who is one of the most long term committed successes I know told me the most absurd thing I've ever heard about relationships. "I dont' argue with my wife" he said.  I always argued with my now divorced wives. What a bizarre man.  Yet if that's the 'counter intuitive thing' that works maybe I should try it. 
5) Don't listen to people with less years of relationship experience.  People who do are downright silly.  If you want to fly you don't listen to a tree climber about how to drive a plane.  Relationships are skill sets. Everyone can be good at a one night stand. Look at all the losers in Hollywood. They make it look good even. They even make a virtue of necessity. Lots of losers there but in fairness the business of Hollywood is intrinsically anti marriage and anti family.  So it's not surprising few Hollywood marriages are compared with Billy Graham or Queen Elizabeth or Hillary Clinton.  Quality and quantity go hand in hand.  "Strange" makes for good short term relationships.  It's actually biological and driven by a cocaine like substance in the saliva that wears off after months or at most a year or two. After that marriage and relationships are 'committments'. They often don't 'feel' good and most people in long term committed deep relationships have had many times when they didn't "think' it was a good idea.  Women talk about 'committment' alot but their track record is as bad if not worse than men. Much of 'feminism' was 'social communism' and attracted women by saying they were the 'proletariat' and men were the 'bourgeoisie'. Feminist died when half the women were rich and abusive to men and overnight the whole 'communist paranoid ideology' fell with the Berlin wall.   Beware of idealogues of any kind.  These are people who argue with a lawyer on their shoulder.  If you disagree they will quote scripture, Marx, or their mother to prove you're wrong. Normal people disagree and agree to disagree without chopping the heads off others to make themselves right. In relationships both people are commonly wrong and together usually get it right.
6) Divorce is failure. The first baby of a relationships is the relationship.  It takes two to divorce. If you are divorced you killed the baby.  You're a baby killer.  If you say the other guy killed the baby then admit you picked the wrong baby sitter and ultimately are responsible for the death.
7) Acknowledge 'fault' but don't wallow in guilt.  The trouble with the legal system and "Deny, deny, deny, lie, lie, lie" religion there in is that if someone doesn't admit wrong in building the bridge bridges keep getting built that fall down. So commonly in relationships people keep picking the same ninja over and over again and complaining about being attacked in the night by Bruce Lee. 
8) Once you have a list of minimum requirements, priorize the list.  Yes I want a 6 foot tall partner but not if they have a history of serial murder.  On the other hand if the fellow I like is Danny De Vito and I want a 6 foot talk guy Danny's sense of humor (hilarious) may swing the equation. But this should be considered' raltionally' because I can't trust my 'emotions' because they are 'damaged' by bad relationships. I always have to consider that I'm prone to make mistakes if I have had relationships previously that weren't what I wanted. They may well have been what I needed but in getting needs and wants connected I have to seriously look with humility at my choices.
9) People are most commonly disappointed by unrealistic expectations.  Not surprisingly I've found women in general lacking when I compare them with Angelina Jolie as a  'brand'.  For all I know Angelina beats Brad in the bed room but her 'brand' is not helpful if I compare 'real women' against that. 
10) Real people are a gestault. They are a package.  When people argue they commonly isolate one trait rather than seeing it in context. If we did this is sports even the best football player or hockey star would be found lacking somewhere in the play. A great baseball hitter may be a poor catcher and still end up in the hall of fame. When I see ugly people together I just assume they probably are amazing in bed or maybe one is a great parent or a good cook. It's something that's the glue and I don't criticize other relationships and try especially not to criticize my partners these days.  People who criticize their partners should accept that they bought the lemon and don't really know what's a good person so if they get rid of the lemon are most likely to get another.
11) Co dependents Anonymous is a good organization to start addressing relationship issues without spending an arm and a leg.
12) Better to do marriage therapy when a good relationship falters than to talk ad infintum with a counsellor about relationships when single. It's good for the counsellors but it's like doing a lot of time in ground school when a person's real problems are flying the plane.  Get on a horse and then get advice about riding but don't pick the mean horse.  For that a counsellor can help you.  Get advice on how to fix the picker.  One fixes the picker by going out with 'unnattractive people' .  It's like learning to eat non greasy food. At first it tastes bland and unnattractive then after a while you wonder how you could ever eat that greasy shit.  You act your way in to right feeling and right thinking but it all begins with the acceptance that you've a broken 'picker' and the problem lies within not without.  Change and the world changes with you. 
10)

Thursday in February

We had a really sunny warm day this week. It was sneaky indeed. Had me believing for that day summer had come.  Then the next day it rained. Doom and gloom. The crashing depression of seasonal affective disorder struck and all across the city heads dove under sheets and no one wanted to leave their pillows. I thought I was coming down with a fever and a cold though it was all merely psychological. The self pity on a rainy cold February day in Vancouver is palpable.  Driving was dangerous too because everyone was suddenly suicidal.
The weather report promised dry spells today. The RV show was last week with it's promise of summer camping. This weekend it's the Vancouver Boat Show with its tease of fair winds and following seas, the thought of sailing in the Strait, the winter storms all gone.  But winter lingers in Vancouver to March. The rest of the country is blanketted in snow and cold but they have the light. Here the sunshine only really comes for sure in April but more and more there will be days of tease.  Harley Davidson motorcycle drivers had their bikes out of storage this last week getting out on the road styling. But March and April it's going to be a veritable blitz of motorcycles. Then the convertibles and bonfires of old umbrellas.
I'll phone Dad in hospital in Ottawa. That will be a good start for today. The little guy, Gilbert is keen for play and the cats Angel and Tiffany are prowling about.  They're always hopeful and optimistic about the day.  Gilbert's enthusiasm is infectious.
It's going to be a good day. It's a Thursday and Thursdays are sweet. That's what Rogers and Hammerstein in Pipe Dream said and when were they every wrong.

Tuesday Poem

Tuesday poem

-William Hay (Feb.7,2012)

I longed for a song to open Tuesday

With more than a thought of a half price movie

Something to spring me from bed

And turn my head to prayer and life

But Cat Stevens said Tuesday was Dead

Tray Anastasia only talked of Tuesday evening

Rolling Stones did well to give us Ruby

No doubt by now a beautiful grandmother

No one would admit

That Tuesday was an orphan

Except George Castanza on Seinfeld

Claiming Tuesday had no feeling.

Tuesday lost somehow in the week

Of days with more significant meaning

Yet chosen incongruously often for

Presidential elections

Opening  before the hump

This little lost waif of a day

After Monday the only passage to Wednesday

Without there be dragons

Thank God for Tuesdays with Moray

Not a song but a book at least

That could elevate this otherwise

Potentially muddled little day.

The Pogues and Cowboy Junkies

Had their way with you

As did Metallica

But still you hung in there

I love you, Tuesday.