Harrison Lake

I dreamed I was on the ridge above the peninsula where my sailboat is anchored in the harbour. We were in trucks and several of us were hunting.  I’d seen moose and elk and believe I could have shot one but chose not to. Someone had shot a deer that was somehow boxed and I didn’t like that, seeing the animal contained that way by that weapon,  I was old fashioned and woke irritated by my back ache and the work demands.

I have to move out today,. To do so means packing up and putting away hoses, electrical and sewage,  Mostly I’m thinking of unloading the camper at storage . To make the space I have to pull out the trailer first, then back in the truck and unload the camper remember to clean out the fridge. 

When I get back to the city I have a half dozen calls to respond to from patients and lawyers. They began yesterday.  I’m grieving the end of holidays but with the pool closed yesterday I was disappointed.  I’ve done all I set out to do and am looking forward to my cake and the IDAA conference.  The threat persists.  

I pray.  I play peak a boo with Jesus.  

I’ve enjoyed reading of Bertie and Mathew and Pat and Big Lou ….all the characters of Edinburg novels by McCall Smith.  They are so light hearted compared to the heavy Peter Rimmer Asian novels of men and women involved in business competition and sex.  

My experiment in the blog was an exercise in transparency, to lay out the truth and confusion of the emotional and rational internal process.  I liked the early writing of the analysts. I liked free association. I liked the early Irish writers.  I wanted a journal of autobiography but along with the outer landscape of a went to b and was looking at c, that travel report, I wanted the inner journey. The evidence of the effort taken to rise above depression and anxiety.  The gratitude lists, the challenges, the prayers. I wanted this here to be seen. I wanted other weary travellers to see me ‘truckin’, ‘keeping on trucking’.  It wasn’t all easy and I struggle against despair and catastrophising.  I am now working through character defects and see that sloth and envy rear their heads

I saw this exercise as maintaining a skill of communication that would one day be apply to the task of story telling. I’m amazed at how prolific McCall Smith is and admire his light hearted stories.  I’m too heavy I believe.  Fundamentally in the very depth of me seeing ‘struggle’ and prone to depression and anxiety after more than30 years of hearing the worst.  Now I’m still too internal, not seeing that which is around me, not focussing like Adam on naming that which is in the garden.  

I don’t feel as driven to write of imaginary friends and plots and events.  I was content yesterday to eat pizza and read.  I’ve three places that I’ve completed which could serve me as places to live, my yacht, my fifth wheel 40 foot trailer and this truck camper.  I’ve achieved these goals and continue to wait, procrastinate, fine tune.  I was moved by Steinbeck’s Travels with Charlie.  Madigan is asleep right now at the foot of the bed where Laura is sleeping. She got up and now has gone back to bed.  I’m calming down. I woke rather excitable from that hunt with many hunters about.  There was pressure.  Now I’m up and there is none here but in my mind , yes. 

I feel better with coffee.  Now I’ll read and in a bit begin the process of departure.  It’s been a good vacation of rest and relations, of exercise and good sleep.  I’ve been very active and will become more so.  I’m looking forward to a chiropracter visit and resolving the technical difficulties with Starlink and with my IPhone.  For a couple of days I wasn’t getting emails and find that the face is cracked so imagine the two may be related. I’m getting emails again and should make a back up of pictures given thousands are on the various iPads.  The cloud is filled to and with the cloud and storage lockers the past is expensive.  

Thank you God for this day. May I serve you and do the next right things.