Open day

I woke up today knowing it was a blank slate day. Now long work day. No routine. No agenda.  Just a day, like summer holidays as a kid.  A free weekend,

Normally I’m working and when I’m not working I’m doing lots of projects.

Today all I had vaguely planned was to re install my Starlink Router which I’ve done and it seems to have fixed the problem.

There are definitely things I could do.  There’s always the storage locker that needs reduction and sorting out.  

But I’m enjoying this day off without plans.  It’s like summer vacation as a kid , those days I usually ended up bicycling forever.  Now I’m enjoying blogging.

I don’t know what the blog or journal is today, whose reading it, what purpose it serves.  My own mental ‘selfie’. It was a bit original when I began and I really did want to challenge the idea of the ‘sane’ man.  I’ve found these ‘types’ to be deeply anxious with much posturing and tremendous fear based behaviour, conformity and business and limited insight with lots of tribal behaviour.

I am different socially.  I’m elite in terms of education and IQ. I’ve upper middle class.  More importantly to me now is that I’m older. There are less of us the older we survive.  The other major difference I experience is lack of children. I did twenty years of marriage and paid the price that usually begets men children for their old age. Instead I had a woman abort my child and I had no choice. So here I am alone in a way that my friends who are parents and grand parents are not. It’s a major differences. I have all my life belonged and supported family based services like the church and school and government. I’ve contributed so much in taxes I’m like the person who is taxed extensively but doesn’t have a car or house.  So much of taxes have gone for children and parents and I’ve just paid beyond my fair share.  I don’t really like the kids I mostly encounter on the streets in passing, children whose education, health care, parents have all been subsidized by my taxes..

I take offence at being called prividledged as I’ve worked since I was a teen and often had several jobs. I don’t get tax brakes. I don’t have the incredible pensions that government and union workers have. I’m like so many in that regard. I’m part of the collective destruction of the middle class and the taxation for third world financing of the criminal elites by our criminal political class in ottawa. 

I’m aware of my differences. We reduce our ‘uniqueness’ and individuality to be apart of ‘institutions’ and groups.  In my AA association they mock the ‘terminally unique’ but I appreciate that in regards to disease like kidney disorders and diabetes, but then I’m in this group and as usual am different as we each are in our individual ways.  

I look for my tribe. I wonder where I fit it,

A day like today is a bit like retirement might look more like.

I have a dog so he defines my life with walks and meals and exclusion from so many stores, restaurants and activities.  

I ‘fit’ in my academic groups and even in the later theological studies but I took offence as the university commercializations and marketting and decline of meritocracy.  The granting of medical degrees to students who failed and got lawyers to contest it was a first crack, as well as the financial slavery of so many for education loans, then when I did the post graduate degrees and they were bic lighters , with validity only for 5 or 10 years, obviously to hit on the education prone again.  A monetary evil crept into the university administration with the process of certification and recertification without any really validity to the need.  I became cynical especially as I saw that ‘who you knew’ was increasingly more important than what you knew as the international degree programs were marketed for 3 years as opposed to 4 years but supposedly equivalent and nurses were being groomed to be cheap and replace doctors. It was all unsettling and undermined my idealism. On line degrees and equivalences and letters after names.  I remember wanting to be able to marry at sea and the process of that ‘certification’.  

I have to date specialist certification in family medicine, psychiatry, and addiction medicine with a number of special certifications, psychoanalytic psychotherapy, hypnosis, group therapy, family therapy, motivation therapy, CBT, psychopharmacology, Pain, opiate treatments, medical review officer, assistant professor, clinical lecturer, medical author, and remote doctor, american and Canadian licensing, wilderness medicine and psychiatry…….then the religious studies and writing and history interest and other academic pursuits and board membership ….and aboriginal indigenous association, ….then the professional dancer, and ship’s captain off shore solo sailor, …then motorcyclist and cyclists, and big game hunter and survivalist ……now motorhome and RV guy.

I feel no longer apart of the heterosexual baby producing tribes dominated by women and the men supporting them. I was so attacked by that set and unprotected by the worm when their group members lied and made false allegations. They were radical feminists weaponized by the communist leaning authorities and men were not safe even in the church ,  Women believed the lies like the women in authority who said ‘women don’t lie about sex’.  There wasn’t any progress just a new exchange of bullies.  Revolution and not inclusions.  So I didn’t feel safe after that

I felt part of the LBGQ tribe because it didn’t trust the government and seemed to be enlightened to abuse of power and forces of censorship.  I found myself comfortable and among people who had been abused, who were bisexual or had experiences outside the rote…..I cross dressed and didn’t see the relative evil in a Klinger dress compared to the lying and cheating and bullying and abuse going on by the avaricious and power seeking sorts.   I feel that my sexual self is welcome in this community whereas in so many other tribes and communities one is faulted even for comment, or looking ,or a joke.  It’s a mine field and it was once blamed on the old ladies or as my friend said the old ladies of both sexes but now I see that lust is judged by those who are most unrepentant of their pride or gluttony or one of the other sins like envy and avarice.  

I mostly feel alone and often feel safest in the woods and away from people. I liked when my friend now dead told me I needed to beware of stupid people in groups.

I like people with a sense of humor and the folk who now claim inclusivity are the most easily offended.

I have these ideas and look back on the free ranging discussions we had at university when it was a place of learning opposed to the propaganda focus of today.  

Today I feel mob violence rules and is encouraged by the people who forcefully collected taxes and demand perfection from people like me. Thugs in position of power virtue signalling and wanting us to applaud to kazoo playing and Jew’s harp symphony.  I miss listening to Yehudi Menuhin and Ravi Shankar or James Taylor and Fleetwood Mack. 

I’m old to most. I don’t like much of today’s culture and miss the days we were hippies and the days of travel not for selfies but to learn culture and connect with others   Now I’ve been at so many conferences with the education elite of the world and enjoyed so many lectures and presentations .  

Today I’ve the gift of time and think I’ll have another cup of coffee and be grateful for an incredible life of adventure, Adventure is certainly what describes it.  I’m very thankful. I’m very grateful.  Now what next?