Day after the lost blog

It’s been years since I lost writing I blogged earlier this weekend and it disappeared.

‘Maybe you were hacked?’ 

“I don’t think so.’

Why not she said

I’m not important enough .I’m also a Member of the Conservative party and other organizations, I’m certainly not the only one criticizing Trudeau.

‘But you really are hitting hard,’

I was interested in the spiritual journey of the sober soldiers and WWII and they didn’t become vegan and worship unicorns.  They shot the enemy.  The same with Christians.  Jesus appealed to the Roman soldiers.  The soldiers joined in such numbers that the emperor Constantine embraced the religion itself.  Slow to anger.  Loving but having turned the check 70 times 70 and we have, we reply to the evil that is today’s UN. 

Where were the Christian’s during the Nazi and Communist rise.? She asked

‘There was Bonhoeffer in Germany. The pope isn’t just a religious leader. The Vatican is a political state with postage stamps.  He allowed for the Nazi’s rise and the Jews hold that against him,  Yet Christians rallied and were the ones who fought back tyranny in the west. In the east the aetheists of communism had been Christians. It wasn’t later when the communists had destroyed family and fell.  

What a bout china

I think it’s falling. I think it’s on the verge of collapse. The Chinese people will recover fast and a Hong Kong like democracy will follow. Right now the Communists are just a dictatorship a kind of crime gang in charge of billions.  East Germany tried that but too much resources went into the Staci.  Right now most of these tyrannies are turning all their surveillance on their own people. That’s what Trudeau is doing.  

I like the blue sky today.. I was happy to see Dave off to do his laundry.  He’s had a near death experience.  I’m always relieved to be a live.  Each morning I wake with prayer and thanks.  I did talk with Helena telling her I was lost, I shared on zoom in a meeting I’m kind of bored.  I don’t feel I have purpose and meaning now.  I am doing life by rote. The path I’m on now is the end of a path I established decades back and it’s okay. I’m going through the motions I’m doing good but there’s no passion,

I imagine travelling about with my camper and dog writing. I think I’d like to do it dressed as an old lady.  Any disguise might do .  I’ve grown weary of the white coat and the sports jacket.  I ‘m not ready for a monk’s robe or Ocra.  

This trip is a time of reflection.  I’m visiting the home of my grandfather and the Hay Clan.  Visiting the roots of my name and the place where so many share a common genetic strain. I’ve met quite a few Hay in my years and we have so much in common.  Energy, intelligent, drive and humour.  The women have been deep and beautiful and I really do enjoy being with others of the clan. I think it’s the humor and laughter.  So there’s that.   I will be in a town where so many share the name and visit the castles where our forefather’s made the name. 

I’m looking forward to being in Edinburgh too.  I’m Scottish Irish and so enjoyed with Laura visiting Belfast and Dublin.  Now I’m returning to Edinburgh which I enjoyed visiting with Baiba decades back. This time I’m interested in the art and museums and churches.  I will sit and pray and mediate and talk and listen to God in the place where family for a hundred thousand years communies with God.  All that celtic Fay experience that I’ve had to hide and conceal, the deja bus, the 6th sense, the time changing, the slowing of time, the sense of storms coming, the knowing of weather, the intuitions, and the voice of God and song of angels.  All that which said only ‘you are not alone’.  I’m with you.  I’ve been assailed by so many deaf people who insist with arrogance and childish stupidity that there is no God and yet I’m living in God.  I’m in the word.  I’m a dream in a dream.  

I’m wondering about gravity because so often I feel the ‘incredible lightness of being’.  I’ve healed men and women by miracle. I’ve felt the energy flow out of me. I’e prayed and seen a persons tangled knots untangle and they go forward with lightness in their step.;….Ive followed countless folk into the deepens darkness of loss and despair and walked them back to the light. It’s Druidic. It’s Godly. It’s Jesus Christ. There’s the sacred world. Not the supernatural but the sacred.  I’ve known witches like nuns who are humble and live in the presence. They too were healers and I’ve loved all who loved God and light and right.  I know that Desire is the root of suffering and love the prayer ‘saints of all religions I bow to you all,  I love ‘namaste’ ‘the god in salutes the god in you’,  I love the string theory and quantum physics of today and kindness. I love my dreams and shared visions,  I love the birds and animals.  My world is alive when I’m there playing hide and seek with God.  I love that God is an experience and not a concept,.  I love that I’m going on pilgrimage now.  ‘’

I ‘m looking forward to the folk music. I was so moved having mutton stew in that pub in Dublin listening to the haunting songs of the family folk band playing on the wee stage. I’m longing to be a a ceihlad and regretting I didn’t go locally to more of the events offered at the Scottish Cultural Centre. I’m so thankful for Annne taking me to the Robbie Burns dinner. It wa such fun to dance over the decades after eating Haggujs with Anne, Sherrie, Madeline and Laura.  I liked the participation. The Scottish games with Stuart , the Scottish terrier , in his Hay Tartan jacket  leading the Hay Clan in the July parade.  I loved the ladies who kept the spirit alive and watching the men throw the caber and listening to Old Blind Dog.  

I’m longing to be touched in the centre of my soul as I’ve been so many times by the music of bag pipes and violins.  I’m looking forward to seeing the ballet and hearing the opera and symphony.  Covid and the politics and lockdowns has had me isolated from the best of what the human family has to offer.  I felt so at home again with Laura as Harrison Hot springs. Healing.  My body relished the hot springs and the hugs and love making.  Even with the crazy Madigan.  Now he’s safe with a friend and colleague while Laura and I will have a break from the baby.  It’s been a full year bringing him to this age.  I actually imagine another year of camping and even hunting.  It’s so hopeful here in spring when the sun comes out and the trees begin to bud and shoots of flowers break the soil.

I don’t want to think ahead but I was hurt by the winter this last year.  A couple of weeks at least where I felt as depressed as those I saw feeling so guilty as a shell with so little inspiration to give. All of us slouching and the ‘magic bullet bad bug’ gang ignoring psychiatry.  The leadership were so 19th century , so discouraging of psychosomatic and telling such lies about immunology. I’ve always believed we are self healing and suddenly I’m listening to colleagues I once admired denying life and insisting of nonsense all the while the UN and Communist China are flogging dead horses and dead babies.  

I’ve arrived at a point where I don’t know what it is I’m meant to do.  I sailed a cross an ocean and worked for a few years in the Pacific islands last I was lost and found direction there .  I am asking God to show me the way.

All the while my back hurts and I have a sense I’m growing older and that there are limits on what I want to do physically.  I think walking about and doing walking morning to night will help me lose weight. Part of my problem is my couch and tv and the sedentary life.  I’m going to be active on this trip and return to camping and motorcycling to there’s a plan.  Being out of shape isn’t conducive to a state of well being.