I look forward to the end of the politically driven,even evil, lockdowns. I long to feel free physically and politically, I am hoping, one day at a time ,that I continue to work and serve in the coming year, helping others, and doing good work.
I have no resolutions or even great plans. Just the next right thing. One day and one week at a time. I’m waiting for God to use me. I feel I’m sitting on the bench or at most just hauling water and chopping wood. That’s okay. It’s steady. My worst sin right now is clutter and keeping up cleaning up after the puppy. That’s a major improvement over other times in my life.
Right now I’m highly critical of our corrupt federal government. My friends who have lived in tyranny and communism have said they are afraid for me. They’ve said they learned to ‘whisper’ in the lands they left. Others tell me that the things the people they were escaping are now among us and some are in power. Canadians live collectively suck lives of quiet desperation. Apathy is the national sentiment. I fee I I should be silent. It’s not like I’ve not been warned. Trudeau punishes comedians with huge fines and promotes euthanasia for the seniors. He is systematically destroying Canada all the while he points at non existent problems to stop us looking where his smug corruption stinks most.
I have no individuals I feel such disgust for. I have this sense for the evil institution of liberalism which has taken the light out of the land. These are institutions and principles and I have major resentments and fear associated for such corruption. I’ve been falsely accused on several occasions and innoscent, wholly innoscent, punished by the despicable slime by the smegma authorities who back terrorists and criminals. I’ve repeatedly worked to forgive these Satanic psychopaths and their sociopath brethren but I keep having night terrors from the wounds they made. Lying perverts like the despicable Trudeau cadre. I don’t like active drug addicts. I know they can in their twisted state do such damage and they rarely make amends for the harm they did. I made amends. I’ve turned my cheek 70x70. It is too easy to suck the tit of bitter self pity.
It’s a new year. I want to be more loving. I want to live in the day. Carpe diem. I want to leave the past in the past.
But each day they announce ‘cases’ like an incantation and I know, thanks to all my training ,that money is changing hands. It changed hands when I was locked up and needles shoved in me against the law and against my will by people who themselves were sadists and would say as they said in Nuremberg they were just doing their jobs, following orders like the Milgram Psychological experiments and the Stanford Prison Experiments. I worked with the dangerously insane in asylums and prisons. I know what they are like and those who are attracted to them. I miss my innoscence. I miss singing Give I sang Peace a Chance before being billy clubbed. I miss singing Jesus Loves me before being told by aetheist thugs that we can’t speak of Jesus but we can speak of the god called ‘NO God” . There’s Islam a phobia and atisemeticism but no Christians phobia laws. Secularism isn’t ‘no god’ and science isn’t the ‘no god’ religion but the ignorant think that. They used DNA testing like fingerprints without realizing fruit flies have 75% of human DNA. They don’t know the interconnected ness or karma or divine retribution or that when you point a finger three are pointing back. There is so much judgement with so little discernment.
I don’t want to be there, in that space.
I want to be more loving, experience more laughter, walk more in the woods, be more like my puppy. Bite everything. Pee and poop with abandon. I’m weary of the constant rule makers and those above the rules who make the rules. I will teach the puppy to poop and pee outside. We will graduate from pee pads but I’ve learned that half or more of the people around me wear diapers on their minds still.
I don’t feel I’m any closer to God or figuring out what this life is about and why I’m here or where I ‘m going. I seem only to know what is ‘not god’ a deep spiritual but still in the dark night of the soul. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow ox death I will fear no evil. The mystery.
I’m definitely older. I hurt more. I miss my young athletic dancer body.
I love the memories , those positive ones, the ones I fear to live in , afraid I might lose them. I wake in the morning and I’ve been walking with my family, dead friends and dead pets have been with me. Today I woke from sailing.
It’s a good day. This Jan 1. 2021. It’s good to be alive. I’m thankful for life and air and gravity and blood. Thank you Jesus. I have an advocate in the afterlife. I don’t fear death but do fear dying. Hail May, ...pray for us now and in the hour of our death.
God bless.
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