“It’s past wake up time. I want my pets and I want your breakfast.” He likes the yoghurt container.
I was dreaming of my old dog and my favourite place on the sailboat. There were lots of rooms on the yacht and deck. It’s more often I dream of being at sea in more luxurious accommodations that I actually have. I often dream of sailing and sail boats and yachts. I spent 20 years sailing and living on my sailboat. I miss sleeping at anchor and the fair winds and following seas of tropical trades.
I’m feeling better this week. I was in a bit of a rut afraid to sit down in the office and talk to people. The despair, loneliness, frustration ,depression and anxiety of the lockdowns really are getting to people. I reassure. Be hopeful. Watch for suicidal risk. Have had quite a few suicidal patients this year. I”m doing a lot of consults. The hardest work of psychiatry is meeting the new patient in the community. There’s so little or no downstream resources. I used to like admitting patients to hospital. Taking a person out of the danger of the outside world into the safety of the psychiatric ward.
I’m looking forward to the vaccine. It’s a rite of passage. It’s part of the mythology, the hero’s journey and propaganda. The EVENT. We are all preparing for the event. Yet there’s no promise that it will make us safe. Every 5 years there’s been an environmental threat of extinction. Massive fear mongering. Trillions of dollars. Climate change. No real change in the temperature despite all the money and the annual doomsday predictions. Threats of world war. Now plague. The prospect of annual vaccines which might well be no better than the very suspect ‘flu vaccine’. It’s all terribly suspicious. Yet diseases come and go and weather events come and go. There’s no real evidence that they are any more frequent but what’s seriously different is the response. Never before has there been a ‘global shut down’ or so many trillions made. Perhaps Napoleon and the Napoleonic wars or Hitler and WWII are similar. Mobilizations and an event. Stock market crisis and banker scandals. It’s all mythological. So far removed. Like the Gods at war.
Trudeau gloats about the ‘great reset’. Davos and Agenda 21. One World Order. World Communism.
The sun returned. There is more light. The birds are returning. I’m keeping to my home. I go out for mail and food. I long for warm weather and camping. In the meantime I work, watch tv, mostly Friends, Star Trek and Big Bang Theory reruns. I’m reading books, ‘serious books’ a bit, but mostly westerns and detective novels and sci fi. I just completed a repetitive alien war book which I think would have been a better short story. Nice idea. I learned more about nano technology. I walk Madigan and today we had a ‘meeting’ of three dogs and the humans talked. Outside, socially distant.
There’s a boring repetition. No ballet, no symphony, no concerts. No gatherings. No library visits. No lovely evenings lingering in restaurants chatting. There’s a sense that they other may be infected. It’s paranoid. But the only true relaxation is alone. At home With the dog. Even friends might be carriers. The terror of lung fibrosis, disease and premature death. Be safe, the secular chant. I laugh thinking Jesus said ‘Do not be afraid.’ But the Christians buckle under. They can’t stand together or sit together. The Aetheist are in charge. Be afraid. Be very very afraid.
And I am. A back ground anxiety. When will the shoe drop. Live for today. Practice the prescence of God. Pray. Meditate. Exercise. I’m prepared. A survivalist if ever there was one. A doctor. A healer. A butcher. A medicine man. I know pharmaceuticals and chemistry. I’ve made guns and ammunition. I ‘ve hunted and fished. I’ve lived off the land. But I don’t want to..
I imagined after a long life of working for the man and doing as I told, obediently, but never obedient enough. Perfection demanded daily. Severe punishments. While increasingly people shit and piss in the street and the elected make a killing off doing nothing. No one works hauling water and carrying wood. It just seems that way.
So much is really being done. In the background. But there on the street there is human feces and people shouting and threatening. They are rewarded for their behaviours. Terrorists are paid millions for killing. Looters go unpunished. Immorality and confusion reign.
My washing machine doesn’t appear to be working. I waited 6 months for it. The manufacturer went out of business. I took a second one and it’s not right. Now it overflows and doesn’t spin despite the lightest load. I thought the last time I had too heavy a load but it wasn’t , there’s something wrong. I don’t want there to be.
John died. I heard from his son. That is so sad. I couldn’t see him due to covid and he was such a good man attacked by the lowest disgusting evil perversion. He’s in a better place. I miss those who have passed away. George, my brother, my parents, and now John.
Grieving in the confusion. So many I talk to are too. I do the next right thing. Try to be the best version of myself. Pray a lot. Focus on happy things when I can. Talk with people. Hear myself sliding into the negative and pull up. Comedy is good. Humor is a mature coping mechanism. Altruism.
This too will pass.
Buddha, “Desire is the root of all suffering.” Kierkegaard , “Life is suffering unto death’.
It’s really good. God is good. Life is positive overall. My problems are what are called Cadillac problems. I think too much. Be Still and Know that I am God. Hail Mary. Lord Jesus Christ. I love affirmations. I love the repetition of holy words.
Thank you Jesus. Hallelujah
All shall be well. All shall be well. All manner of things shall be well.
The washing machine is working, it seems. I’m suspicious of it.
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